155 | Mom Guilt: Why You’re Still Stuck In The “Do Better” Loop

Hey Mama!

Ever feel like you keep promising yourself, “I’ll do better tomorrow”… but the same mom guilt keeps showing up anyway?

If you’re a Christian mom stuck in the “try harder” loop—replaying what you said, feeling like you’re failing, or carrying that pressure to stay “on track”—this episode is your heart-check. You might see yourself in the perfectionist pull to “get it right,” the comparison spiral, or the replay loop that won’t let you move on.

In this sneak peek of April’s Reset Series, you’ll walk away with:

• Why a biblical reset starts with your heart—not a better plan (so you can stop performing and start healing)
• What “readiness” actually looks like: surrender, honesty, and willingness (so you can experience more peace, grace, and freedom in your motherhood)

If you’re ready to break free from mom guilt and step into a new rhythm, take The Mom Guilt Break Through Quiz. 

More FREE Resources:

Take The Quiz: Discover Your Mom Guilt Type

Become a Restored Mind Family Member: Sign Up Here

FREE Community:  Break Free From Mom Guilt

Instagram: @_restoredmind

Email: carolinethao@restoredmindllc.com

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. Remember, you can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

0:00

mama. If your plan for April is, I'm just gonna do better. I need you to hear me. You might carry that same guilt into a new month with just a different calendar, and today I'm giving you a heart check that will prepare you for a four week reset because freedom doesn't start with trying harder. It starts with being honest. Welcome to the Restored Mind. Biblical wisdom, simple steps. No more mom guilt. I'm Caroline Tao. Let's do this. Before we jump in, I want you to do something for me, which is go take my free quiz, because once you know what kind of guilt you're carrying, you stop fighting blind. You finally get language for why certain things trigger you, why the replay loop hits so hard, and why you feel pressure to be quote unquote on track. Or why you struggle to let go. It takes just a couple of minutes to complete and it's going to help you step into April's Reset with clarity. The link is in the show notes. Hello and welcome back to today's episode. You know, spring is right around the corner, and I'm feeling very excited and very peppy I just always think of spring as a rebirth, so to speak, and so it's just a good feeling all around and I just thought that this would be such a good time to bring back something that I did back in January of this year and tie it all up for you as we're now heading into April, because we are already nearing the middle of the year. So in January I did a mini reset where we talked about setting goals, and I walked you through how to set goals without the pressure because mom guilts can have us thinking that we need all the answers right now. Like. What's the goal? What's the plan? What am I doing with my life? What am I doing with my motherhood? And if you don't have the answer fast, then you can start to feel like you're falling behind. You can start to feel like you're doing something wrong and then you begin to spiral. So that was January. But now as we are about to step into April, we are shifting because April isn't about goals. It's about your heart. And this episode is basically the prequel to April's mini reset, a sneak peek, if you will. But more than that, it's a readiness check because when we talk about quote unquote reset, I need you to hear me clearly. A reset is not about trying harder. Or even starting over. If your plan is to quote unquote try harder, you'll carry that same guilt into a new month just with a fresh planner. So this is what we're doing today. We are preparing your heart for what's coming next, and April's mini series is going to be a four week reset for moms who love God, but still feel stuck in guilt. Each week we're going to name what's driving the guilt, and then we're going to practice a grace based next step that's rooted in scripture. And if you don't already know what your mom guilt type is, I really. Want you to go and take the quiz in the show notes. There are three main ones. They are the perfectionist comparison and past dweller. Let me know which one you end up being we're going to hyper focus week by week so that you can stop feeling like you're doing quote unquote, all the work, but nothing is changing. But today. Today is about readiness, and this episode is inspired by Genesis chapter three. When God asks Adam a question that honestly used to confuse me, he would ask, where are you? But the thing is, God is all knowing. He knew where Adam was, so why would he ask that? And so one day it finally clicked for me. See, God does not ask questions because he needs information. Remember, he's all knowing. He asked question so that you can reflect. God was not confused about Adam's location. He was actually confronting Adam's condition. Because Adam and Eve had already eaten the fruit. They weren't supposed to eat. They felt exposed. So they hid and then God comes into the garden and he calls out to Adam, where are you? So he wasn't asking, where are you physically? He was actually asking, Hey, where is your heart right now? And mama, that is a question that changes. Everything because you could be doing all the things on the outside and still be hiding on the inside, which by the way, if you are not following me on Instagram, you absolutely should be. Because I made a recent post that had two pictures of me. It was taken 10 years apart, and it talked about how I was drowning in mom guilt. But you would actually never know it. Behind the smile. So my Instagram handle is underscore restored mind and come give me a follow. I'd love to have you there, and so basically what I'm trying to say is you can be serving, you can be cleaning, you could be cooking, you could be homeschooling or doing homework with your kids. You could be working and showing up at all of these places. And still be covered in guilt. You could still feel like you're failing. You could still be in that replay loop. You can still be carrying shame mentally. That mental load that you have, it can feel incredibly heavy. And that is why we are not doing a quote unquote reset from a secular place. I'm not talking about take a deep breath and starting over. I'm actually talking about a biblical reset. A reset that looks like readiness and readiness. Looks like these three things, surrender, honesty, and willingness. So let's talk about it. What is readiness? Readiness is not you gathering all your materials, okay? It's also not you making sure that you have everything or not you having all your ducks lined up in a row before you come to this next four weeks. Readiness. Spiritually is a heart posture. It's you coming to God saying, Lord, here I am. This is where I really am. This is what I'm carrying, and this is what I've been trying to control, or this is what I've been afraid of. Because God's question of where are you is a heart question, and I want you to let that question sit with you. Where are you really? Where are you emotionally? Where are you mentally? Where are you spiritually? And finally, where are you in your motherhood? And here's why it matters so much. Because if you try to change habits without checking your heart, you will keep defaulting back to pressure. You'll turn spiritual growth into performance. You'll make the reset thing another quote unquote thing to get right, and then guilt shows up again, and then you think, you know, I'm failing at this reset. I can't do this. I'm not consistent enough. I'm not spiritual enough or discipline enough. But see the goal here, mama, is to not be a perfect mom. The goal is to be a free mom because freedom looks like calm. It looks like peace and joy. It looks like being present, truly present with your kids and your husband and, and, and as a family or a unit. Even on hard days, you can still have access to those things even when your kids are melting down and you're like, oh my gosh, I don't know what to do. Or even when you're so tired and exhausted, and especially even when you've snapped and you've yelled at your kids again, or maybe you said something really harsh to your husband that you didn't need to say. And the reason why freedom is all of these things is because you're not living like you need to quote unquote make up for it with shame. You don't need to pay for your mistakes with shame at all, because the thing is, you know that Jesus has already paid for them with his blood. So let's talk about readiness, because one, it's surrender, right? So you need to ask, what is it that you need to lay at the feet of Jesus right now? Not later, not when you have more time, not when the season changes. But right now, because surrender is you releasing control. And if you're anything like me, you can pretty much be a control freak. And control can look very spiritual. It can look like. Being on top of everything if you're that perfectionist, but really it's fear. So ask yourself, what am I trying to control right now? And what am I afraid will happen if I let go? It also looks like honesty, which is number two. What is it that you're not saying out loud to God? Because Mama, can I remind you of something so gently and out of love, the thing that you are omitting from God he already knows. Again, he is all knowing, and I'm not saying that to scare you into telling the truth, so to speak, but I'm saying that to comfort you because there's nothing that you could say that would surprise them and make him turn away from you. You are safest when you stop performing or trying to fake it till you make it and start being honest. So I want you to ask, where have you been hiding? Where have you been pretending that you're fine? And where have you been minimizing what you're carrying? And then finally, it's willingness. Are you willing to do the work with God? Because this isn't always overnight, it's often having to do with daily renewal of the mind, daily surrender, daily honesty and willingness and, it's not limiting God's power by any mean. He can do these miraculous things quickly. He could change you overnight. I'm not saying that he can't, but I am saying that he also loves to build you in a steady way. So ask, am I willing to change to be stretched and corrected in love? And am I willing to practice a new response when I'm triggered? Because freedom is not a moment, mama. It is a rhythm that you continuously walk in, taking God's invitation to be with him even in those interruptions. Now, let's bring this into real life because this is where moms get stuck. A lot of us want to reset, but we don't know what we're resetting from. We just know I'm tired, I'm overwhelmed. I feel like a bad mom. I keep replaying everything and I keep snapping at my kids even when I don't want to. I keep falling behind this to-do list. But guilt has patterns, And when you don't know your patterns, you either one, shame yourself or two, try random solutions. Or three, quit because you feel like nothing works. And that's why I want you to take the quiz.'cause I don't want you to any longer sit in the thought that you cannot shed the label you've put on yourself as a bad mom or an undeserving mom. It also gives you language and clarity as well. And clarity is what helps you choose the next step that actually fits. So let me give you some examples. If you're a perfectionist, mom, readiness might look like surrendering the need to quote unquote do it right and choosing obedience over control. If you are a comparison, mom,, readiness might look like honesty about what you've been believing. Like I'm behind and I'm not enough. Or other moms have it together, and I clearly don't. It's about letting God renew your mind. And if you are a past dweller mom, readiness might look like bringing the replay loop into the light as in stop the private punishment and receiving forgiveness fully. You can't heal what you are hiding, mama. And I think that's what God's drawing out of Adam. Not humiliation, but invitation. So here's what's coming in April, four weeks, a reset for the mom who loves God, but still feel stuck. And each week we're going to name what's driving the guilt. We are gonna expose the lie that's underneath it and practice grace-filled scripture rooted Next steps. and I'm telling you now, some of it might stretch you. Some of it might confront what you've normalized, but this is not to harm you. It's to free you because conviction is not condemnation. Conviction is God pruning you because he loves you. I want to speak this verse over you because this is the heart of this episode, which is Ezekiel 36 26, and it says, and I will give you a new heart and a new spirit I will put within you and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I know you're probably not thinking of yourself as having a stone heart. Maybe not towards your kids, but what about yourself? The thing is, a lot of us moms are hard on ourselves. We're harsh. We can be unforgiving. We carry this invisible weight and we don't talk about it, but God's. Love and his question of where are you is to soften you, it's to renew you and to make you new. God is not asking you to become tougher. He's offering. To make you tender again. And so mama, if you've been waiting for a reset, this is it. This is not a try harder reset. It is a let's come back and take God up on his invitation, type of reset. So I want you to sit with this question this week. Where am I really? Not physically, not on paper, not in a to-do list, but really ask where is my heart? meet me right back here the first Wednesday of April because we are starting a four week. Reset and I'm so excited to walk through this with you, mama. The goal again, is not to be a perfect mom, it's to be a free mom. And I know you are on your way to becoming the mom you want to be. Even though it's hard, you can do hard things. Thanks for hanging out with me today, mama. If this episode helped you in any way, would you do me a favor and please share it with a fellow mom that could also benefit from this episode. Until then, I'll see you next Wednesday, right here on this podcast. Go in peace.