162 | Holy Standards: What’s Actually Driving Your “Excellence”?

Hey mama!

If you’ve ever tried to sit down and rest… but your mind won’t let you because there’s always one more thing, this episode is for you.

Because for the perfectionist mom, “excellence” can start to feel like a weight you can’t put down. You’re doing good things, with a good heart… but inside it sounds like: “I can’t stop now.” And even in the middle of a beautiful day, you can feel it, the pressure that’s stealing your peace.

In this conversation, we’re unpacking high standards vs holy standards and the heart-check question underneath it all: “Is it worship… or is it control?” Using Matthew 11 as our anchor, we’ll gently sort out what God is actually inviting you into: rest, presence, and faithful obedience versus what fear and productivity have been demanding.

What you’ll learn:

• How to recognize when “excellence” has quietly turned into control 
• How to tell the difference between God’s conviction and pressure-driven striving 
• What it looks like to pursue growth with peace, presence, and freedom 

Press play and let God re-center your ambition with grace, not grind.

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. You can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

0:00

What if the excellence you're proud of is actually the pressure that's stealing your peace? Today, we're talking about high standard versus holy standards, and the one question that reveals what's really driving you. Is it worship or is it control? Because for a mom, between after school practice and notification, that difference changes everything. Welcome to The Restored Mind, biblical wisdom for Christian moms who are tired of guilt, tension, and feeling divided. Here, we build a woven life with peace, growth, and connection. I'm Caroline Tau. Let's do this. If your ambition and purpose is costing you peace and presence, something has to shift. Stop pushing harder and start building from freedom. Take the Mom Guilt Breakthrough Quiz and get your next step. The link is in the show notes. All right, welcome back, mama. I'm so excited to be with you today. You know, I was recently talking to a mom who shared her story about her reason why she wanted to build her small business. her original intention was so beautiful because she had talked about wanting to build something that gives her more time with her family. She honestly just wanted more time back. She wanted to be more present, and she wanted to have this sense of freedom. And so in the beginning, it actually looked like that because it was exciting. She was exploring new things, and in that season, she could let things go because the business was not running her. It was supporting the life that she wanted. But somewhere along the way, without realizing it, she stopped building her business to fit her life and started building her life to fit her business. And she didn't even catch it until someone reflected something back to her and said, "You know, you sound like you're in a really busy season." And that's when it hit her because the whole point of her building her business was not to become more busy. It was to become less busy so that she would have time with her family. So she started evaluating her days and the decisions that she was making and the way that she was just moving. And, you know, truthfully, she was saying no to the things that she originally said yes to, like time with her kids or being more emotionally present, and just enjoying the slower mornings. It was those little moments that made motherhood feel so incredibly special to her. And so that meant for every no that she was saying to those moments, she was actually saying yes to the work that she was doing, which was maybe responding to one more email or one more client message, or just really one more thing before bedtime. In her mind, she was also racing the clock, especially because she could foresee the changes in her family dynamic that is coming,, which makes sense because she has a calendar of everyone's schedule, and she is realizing that there are some big changes that are happening. So she was thinking, "If I don't do this now, then I'm gonna lose my chance," which is completely understandable. So of course, she pushed harder, and of course, the heartbreaking thing about this is that the very thing that brought her joy, like time with her kids, was getting left behind little by little And as a mom, we know that feeling. We know that we are ambitious moms, like we wanna serve in different spaces and places, and sometimes that ambition can start to feel like a high standard because we hold ourselves to a higher standard. And sometimes we can forget what holy standards might look like. We know what it's like to carry big responsibilities and purposes and still want to be nurturing, present, and patient or joyful moms. See, Jesus says in Matthew 11, "Come to me all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. My yoke is easy and my burden is light." So if the standard that you're carrying feels heavy, we need to sort out what's from God and what is pressure. I wanna be clear about this. I'm not here to tell you what God is saying, I really just want this episode for you to think about how you're moving in your motherhood. Are you moving from a place of pressure or are you operating from a place of realizing that you already know the work is never gonna be complete, so whatever is done for the day, you know that that is enough. And so when I talk about high standards, I'm not saying that you can't have any. I'm just encouraging you to think about how you are approaching motherhood and your ambitions. So high standards become more so about me, so it's very centered driven because it's driven by control, wanting to be in control of the type of image that you portray to others, or maybe it's fear, when I'm trying to prove that I'm enough, meaning I cannot fail because then I'll be embarrassed or I'll look like I don't have it all together. Whereas holy standards are really about staying aligned with God, stewarding what he gave you without letting it own you. And that means walking in the type of rest that Jesus talks about because he's already said he will give you rest. He says that his yoke is easy and that his burden is light. So because moms with ambitions who maybe wanna start a business or wants to start a small group of some sort, that can start with pure intention, and then we can end up unintentionally slowly trading it for pressure and deadlines and constant thinkings of, "Well, I can't stop now," it's that feeling of saying, "Hey, I can't rest because I need to do this, and I need to have it done before whatever deadline you've given yourself." And truthfully, we don't notice this until someone kinda stops us and says, "Wow, you know, you sound like you're in a really busy season." And that might hit you in a way that is almost defensive 'cause the purpose wasn't to be more busy. It was just to serve. But someone's viewing you as being more busy, and now it's kind of catching you off guard. So here's a simple way that you can check where you are at when it comes to high standards, which are about control, really about self-centeredness in the most gentle and loving way, and holy standards, which are about God. So high standards tend to sound like, "You know, if I don't do this right, I'm gonna let everyone down. If I slow down, then I'm gonna miss my chance. If I don't keep up, then people are gonna forget about me," or, you know, "I have to prove that I'm disciplined and consistent and on top of it, and I can't rest until I finish." Whereas holy standards, it's again more about God it tends to sound like, I'm gonna be faithful with what I have, and I'm going to leave the results to God. It's also thinking, "I can work from excellence, but I'm not going to worship productivity, and I'm allowed to have limits because I am human. I'm not expected to work out of perfectionism, and my family is really part of this journey too, so I'm not competing with my purpose." Sometimes we can start to get in our own heads, I know I've done that before, and think, is what I'm doing selfish? Is this selfish ambition?" And here's all I really have to say about this. When I think about selfish ambition,. I'm really not talking about having goals or wanting to grow because I believe those are things that are so beneficial to us, whether it be in our purpose or how we grow our relationships We are going to grow the more that we seek him, and maybe we do have some faith goals. Maybe we do want to pray more. We want to raise our kids in a way that includes God into the space, But in scripture, selfish ambition is that drive that says, you know, "I have to win. I have to be seen, and I have to prove something." Because it's ambition that is powered by self, and it's not surrendered to God. A helpful verse that might help you is Philippians chapter 2 verse 3 where it says, "Do nothing from selfish ambition." And really the picture there is not to not do anything, right? It's really to not let self be the motivation to do something. I also like James chapter 3 verse 14 and 16 where it says, "When selfish ambition is running the show, it produces disorder and not peace." Because I have admittingly started things out of selfish ambition and have felt myself and witnessed myself spiral. Whereas when I am in alignment with God and have surrendered over to him, there's this sense of peace and knowing that, hey, the work wasn't done, and if it was, it might not have been done well, but that's okay because God's got this, you know? And honestly, just a quick note. Um, The Greek word often translates selfish ambition, which is something that can carry the idea of self-seeking. Like, I'm building this to protect my ego or to protect my image and the security that I want to have. So really, it's needing to be seen as the best so that you can feel secure. Or making decisions mainly to impress people, to prove a point, or to silence any insecurities that you might have. And this is applicable to motherhood in of itself or motherhood and the purpose that you're trying to pursue. What kingdom ambition can look like is wanting to serve and bless people with the gifts that God has given you. It's being consistent, but not obsessive because you know that you're going to trust God's timing, even though, admittedly, that can be hard. Working with excellence and peace is also kingdom ambition because you know that your worth is not on the line. Your worth has already been given to you, and you know your worth because you've been made in the image of God. He knew you in the womb. Before He created you, He made your days for you, and building a small business or really pursuing your purpose at that point is really a means to support your family instead of costing your family. And so if it's a slow grow, let it be that. I think that fast is not always quality and slow does not mean that you're failing, all right? And this is where the woven life lens gets incredibly practical because you're really not living any type of split life. The goal is to take what you're learning and steward it into your life so that it is more meaningful and that it's rooted and God is at the center of it all.. And that's really the woven life. It's one life, not separate lives where you're putting motherhood in one and your purpose in the other, and your relationship with God in one box and your relationship with your husband in another. All of it is meant to come together. And I know I've probably said this multiple times on the podcast now, but I really think about Jesus's tunic because it was woven in one piece, and there's so much value in that. And I truly believe that when you begin to live your life in this woven way, your life begins to have more value. It becomes more meaningful to you. And so whether or not it's in your business or in the purpose that you're pursuing or in motherhood, I truly believe that when you take a look at the standards in which you're operating in, whether it be your high standards, which again, there's nothing wrong with that, but we can take that and still align it with God. And the way that I like to do that is think about how am I operating, and how can I surrender it over to what I know to be true of what God wants or what I believe is going to be an act of honoring Him? It can be incredibly hard, especially if you're always feeling like you're playing catch up or whatever it is that you're doing is simply not enough because you haven't been able to catch a break. But I know that you're working towards becoming the mom that you want to be. And yes, it can be hard, but you can do hard things Thanks for spending time with me today, mama. If this episode encouraged you, would you share it with another mom who needs it too? And don't forget to hit follow so the next time a new episode drops, it's waiting for you. Until next time, go in peace.