163 | Mom Guilt: The Real Reason You're Trying to Make Summer Perfect

Hey mama!

Summer hasn’t even started and you’re already feeling it, that tight, nagging pressure to make it amazing. The trips. The memories. The activities. Like “everything has to count”… and if you don’t plan it perfectly, you’ll regret it later.

What starts as excitement can quickly turn into pressure. And before you know it, you're filling the calendar, trying to make summer meaningful, and wondering if you're doing enough. 

In this episode, we name what’s really underneath that “make every moment count” mindset and why it so often turns into mom guilt for the perfectionist mom. We talk about how planning isn't the problem, but the fear underneath might be. And why the most freeing truth might be this: “God gets the final say.”

You’ll hear biblical encouragement from Matthew 6:34 and learn:

• How to tell when summer planning is coming from joy vs. pressure 
• Why perfectionism is often chasing control and what surrender can look like in real motherhood 
• A simple question to ask before you add one more thing to the calendar 

If you’re starting to notice this perfectionist pattern in yourself, take the Discover Your Mom Guilt Quiz. The Link is in the show notes.

More FREE Resources:

Take The Quiz: Break Through Mom Guilt Quiz

Become a Restored Mind Mama: Sign Up Here

FREE Community:  Break Free From Mom Guilt

Instagram: @_restoredmind

Email: carolinethao@restoredmindllc.com

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It's time to become to the mom you want to be. You can do hard things!
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me"- Philippians 4:13

Transcript

0:00

Do you ever feel pressure to make summer amazing for your kids? The trips, the memories, the activities, it's like everything has to count. But what if pressure isn't coming from motherhood at all, but from something much deeper? There's something you need to know, so let's talk about it Welcome to The Restored Mind, biblical wisdom for Christian moms who are tired of guilt, tension, and feeling divided. Here, we build a woven life with peace, growth, and connection. I'm Caroline Tau. Let's do this If today's episode has you realizing that you don't just feel busy, you feel pressure, I want to encourage you to take the Mom Guilt Breakthrough Quiz. Maybe you're thinking, "I already know that I struggle with mom guilt, so why take the quiz?" And you know, that's a fair question, but this quiz is not about labeling you. It's about helping you uncover the specific pattern underneath your guilt so you can stop guessing and start moving forward with more grace and confidence. The link to the quiz is in the show notes. All right, welcome back. I'm so excited to be here. If you're new, hello, my name is Caroline. Good to have you here today. My hope is that this episode encourages you and inspires you to live this woven life where you don't have to separate work life, relationships, motherhood and just life, that it's not separated, but it becomes one woven, meaningful life. Because there's a lot of value in that. All right, so a couple of weeks ago, I ended up booking a flight back home so that I can visit my family and spend some time with them. And as I booked my flight, my sister and I were having this conversation about how the wait for my trip to arrive was taking forever. And then we also talked about the flip side of that, which is when the trip itself actually comes, it's going to feel so short-lived, like it went by way too fast. And honestly, as we were talking, we found ourselves already making plans because we didn't want to waste the little bit of time that we'll have together. So what we were doing is we were talking about what we wanted to do, where we wanted to go, and how we would make the most out of this trip. And the more I thought about that conversation, the more I realized I do the same thing with summer. And maybe you do, too. Because for us, at least at the time of this recording, summer hasn't yet started, but it maybe it has for you. And maybe you're thinking about vacations and day camps, activities, and all of the things that you want to do with your kids because you're planning out of excitement and out of love But as I was having this conversation and reflecting back on it I found myself asking a question that I hadn't really considered before. And that is, why am I putting so much pressure on myself to make summer amazing? Now, if I were to ask you that same question, you would probably answer by telling me that you don't wanna miss the moment or that you don't wanna look back and regret that you could have done more. And most moms in my circle actually respond with, I want my kids to have wonderful memories of this summer that they'll never forget." Because we get to have the pleasure of watching our children enjoy the things that they enjoy, and the byproduct of that is that we also get enjoyment from it. And honestly, none of these things are bad. But somewhere along the way, those good ideas can turn into pressure that makes you want to make every moment count, fill up your calendar, and just create the most perfect summer that you can. So today, I wanna talk about what might actually be underneath that pressure, because the problem isn't what if summer goes by too fast, it's really the issue of perfectionism, and that is actually what's making you feel like you have to make every moment matter. So the desire to make a meaningful summer is not the problem, but the pressure that comes from it becomes the problem. When my sister and I were talking about my trip, we started planning out of excitement. Realistically though, at some point we know that plans can shift Because it can quickly go from what would be fun to do together to what do I need to do so we don't waste this trip? At least that's how I was viewing it, and it's because I don't get to visit my family often, so I want to try and squeeze every little bit of time that I have with my family. But those are actually two different completely mindsets because you're thinking about what would be fun to do together versus frantically trying to do everything so you don't waste a trip. And in motherhood, it's the same thing. Many moms start summer excited, and it's usually before summer even arrives, they're already asking questions like, "What camps should I sign my kids up for? Where should we go on vacation? What activities should I plan for them?" And the list goes on and on. And again, planning is not a bad thing, and the calendar being full is not the problem, but the fear underneath it is because it's the fear that says, "I don't wanna waste a moment. I don't wanna miss the season. I need to make this count, and I need to make sure that my kids remember this summer." And so it often disguises itself as responsibility, and that's when guilt enters because now the days that seem uneventful makes you feel like you're falling short somehow. And you know, truthfully, I know you have this picture of what your best motherhood experience or your best motherhood journey looks like and even what it feels like. And I know that you're doing the best that you can 'cause you're trying to make it happen so that your kids get the best version of you. And again, there's nothing wrong with that. I see this often in coaching where moms think they're struggling with time management or organization, but underneath it's fear that they're not doing enough and they're going to look back somehow and regret how they spent the years trying to figure it out, or as they say, should have known better. And so as I thought about this trip, I've realized something. It's that the trip hasn't even happened yet, and I've already spent time trying to make sure that it's meaningful when in God, right? So in God and through God, He's going to turn that around for His own good for the sake of His kingdom. So what I'm trying to say is, yes, I can plan all I want to, but at the end of the day, God gets the final say-so, and I need to let go of wanting to be in control of all things. And if I'm honest, I think that's what perfectionism really is. It's chasing a sense of control. I know that might have been harsh, but I say that with love because control says if I can plan enough or prepare enough and think through every possibility, then I'll guarantee a meaningful outcome. But as a Christian, we know that that's not how life works. We can plan and prepare, but at the end of the day, God is in control. He gets the final say. And for me, that's both humbling and freeing because the very thing that makes this trip meaningful isn't how much we can do in the short amount of time that we're together. It's in us being present with one another, even if that looks like staying in our pajamas all day and eating some good old southern barbecue out of each other's plates, or debating on what kind of dessert to get after our meals. And, you know, sometimes we think that meaning comes from managing all of the details, but it often comes from being faithful with what is already in front of us.. And I'm reminded by Jesus's words that comes from Matthew 6:34 that says, "Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." And this really just reminds me to be present for the day Again, planning isn't wrong.. But as a Christian, let's continue to offer up our plans to God and seek Him first, then surrender to the changes that happens, if there are any. Because at the end of the day, no matter what the plans are or what camps you sign your kids up for, you still can't control the outcome. And the woven life that I've spoken about in previous episodes can absolutely apply to your life because it brings motherhood into one meaningful life that brings value to you, your family, and the Kingdom of God, and that is what I help you with in my coaching program. So yes, keep the trip, the camps, the activities, but honestly, check that motivation, check the heart posture, and be open to possible changes or even the slower quiet days. And mama, I know the pressure to make summer special is real because you want to make the memories, right? You want to be intentional. You want to make the most of the time that you've been given. But maybe the goal isn't to create a perfect summer. Maybe the goal is to walk closer with God through the summer that you have. So before you add one more thing onto the calendar this week, I want you to pause and ask yourself, "Am I planning from joy or am I planning from pressure?" And the thing is, as you take time to do this, you are becoming the mom that you want to be. And I know it's about to get crazier because summer is here for many of you, but as I always say, you can do hard things Thanks for spending time with me today, mama. If this episode encouraged you, would you share it with another mom who needs it too? And don't forget to hit follow so the next time a new episode drops, it's waiting for you. Until next time, go in peace