Being Visible

I saw someone on the internet say something to the effect of ‘everything you want it on the other side of being visible’. This episode is talking about the good, the bad, and the healing when it comes to carving your name, saying what’s on your heart and just being and honoring yourself.

The Hot Girl’s Healing podcast is about healing in community and covers diverse topics, and how they relate to healing. 

Salenna Green (she/they)  is an organizer, creative, speaker, healer and leader. Salenna has a degree in Community Psychology and a background in nonprofit leadership and program development. Salenna is carving her own lane in the healing industry, promoting self love and relationship healing. 

The Hot Girl’s Healing podcast is one of the offerings through Salenna Green SPC (SGSPC) that promotes self love and relationship healing. This podcast is for everyone but centers Black, queer people as holding truly safe space for their community was a predominant motivator for creating this show. Salenna enjoys creating art, reading, leisure and travel in their free time. Follow them on social media to stay updated! @salennagreen #HotGirlsHealing

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Hey beautiful healing community. It is once again Young Girl, Selena Green, and we are here for another episode of the Hot Girls Healing Podcast. If you didn't know, this is a podcast where we discuss various topics and how they relate to healing, right? We're giving you a little bit of mess, a little bit of commentary, a little bit of you know, healing. Actually, a lot of bit of healing, but a little bit of mess and commentary. Um, it's like the power cup girls, it's like mess, commentary, chemical S healing. That's where we are, and today I am joined by none other than August. Y'all, August is first of all, an amazing human. I love people who are younger than me. The youth. I remember I was getting called the youth uh when I entered the nonprofit sector. I was 23 years old. Anytime I got up to speak about anything in the nonprofit sector, mind you, I was leadership in my organization at the time. They'd be like, the youth. Just so good to hear from you. I'm like, no, I was actually speaking as a program director, not as the youth, but I literally love anyone younger than me. I'm like, the youth. And that's you, August. I'm like literally so here for every single thing that you're doing. Y'all, August is actually the niece of one of my girls. Okay. Keep it in the family. Put your people on. Whatever you're doing, look, there's no black tax over here. Put your people on. Everybody does it. August is an amazing person, like literally. Um, she is also someone who's been in the podcast field, y'all. So we're gonna hear more about that. But before we get into the conversation today, which is about being visible. Okay, being visible, we are going to let August introduce herself to y'all, the people. And once she is done letting you know everything that you need to know about her before we get into this conversation, we will get into this conversation. August, thank you so much for joining me. I'm really excited to have this conversation with you, and I'm really just I'm I'm proud of you as a person. I'm very here for your journey, and I'm just excited to have the community hear from you today. Please tell them about yourself and then we'll hop into being visible.

SPEAKER_02 2:51

Well, I'm glad to take it away now. Um, glad for you guys to see me very on topic. Um, hi, my name is August, everybody. I'm only 20 years old, so yes, I really am the youth being talked about. Um I am even though our topic is about being visible, I've been relatively invisible on the internet for the last few years. Um I didn't really have a set purpose. I was definitely like putting my foot in the 2020 revival of like the 2000s alternative aesthetic. But for black girls specifically, um I seem to be a psych major starting next month. I haven't really done anything too wild yet, but I plan to change that. Um I've seen definitely that year is a year of visibility for me for all the people who are into astrology out there. I looked at my um solar return return chart all the way from my 20th up until my 21st birthday at the end of the year. Lots of stepping out, lots of flames, lots of action. Um, and I'm really excited to come on here and talk about some things that have been on my mind, some things I've been wanting to speak about, you know.

SPEAKER_01 4:04

Yes, okay, and on that note, can we talk about how your birth chart because I am an astrology girly, your birth chart will literally tell you get ready to be visible.

SPEAKER_02 4:16

Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Get ready to be seen.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

Yeah, my big three are Capricorn Sun, Scorpio Moon, Libra rising. But the visibility really comes from the top of my chart being Leo, being my mid-heaven, and all that. So it's like, oh, everybody look at me, everybody look at me. But I'm actually pretty shy. So I'm definitely stepping out of my comfort zone and stepping into the ascension aspect of my ascendant, you know.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

Yes, oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

Like, we just need to talk about this for a second because a lot of the girls who are getting ready to be visible and who are working on being visible are very shy. But why do we have this errant ass Leo placement?

unknown 5:04

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 5:05

My big three, I'm a Virgo sun, Capricorn moon, or Capricorn rising. Sorry, so we do have Capricorn in common, and then I'm a Taurus moon, so my big three is all Earth, like I'm a rock. She saw it, okay? But then my Leo Beamist ass has to be seen. And I'm like, oh my god, there's something about like um, and I've looked this up so I just know, but when you have a Leo placement, Leo is one of those signs. It's like Leo, Aquarius, I think Gemini is one of them too, but you don't have to have a lot of those placements if you have one. That's all it takes. It's a very influential sign.

SPEAKER_02 5:53

Yeah. My Aquarius placement, my main one is my Venus sign. I actually share that with my dad, and oh boy, he's a character. He's actually responsible for putting me in the public eye in the first place. Both of my parents have both Leo and Aquarius placements in their personal, and both of them have been very like big showboatie personalities. Um, my mom has always wanted to wanted to have me like in the public eye, like, oh, you should audition for acting. I'm gonna put my child on Disney and you're gonna sing and take vocal lessons. It's like this lady. I want to read my book. Um and I find it interesting that the public eye and that like little tastes of fame have definitely followed me throughout my formative years. Like before I moved to my current like living situation. I was like a little bit internet famous, as I had touched on a little bit before um having been a part of like the big revival. They called it the roaring twenties. Um but with the catch being like working things on my face were saying raw XC. It was that, but bringing back like the OG emo in scene, like fashion, hair, all of that super eclectic fun stuff. And there weren't a lot of black girls doing it. But I was confident enough to post myself online and share myself and build a small community online and make it so like it's okay to be visible and different as a black girl, a black femme.

SPEAKER_03 7:21

Um my god, black alt girlies.

SPEAKER_01 7:25

Y'all, black alt girlies are everything to me. Like, genuinely, I've been getting more into well blackness uh in my own journey, in my own healing journey, like things that are directly related to me are the things that heal me the most. So if you're not black, there's nothing against you, but black shit is healing for black people. So I I have been all up in all of the genres of music that black people invented, which rock is one of them. Um all of the alt, like being alt is black. Like, don't get me on my psychology, because I also have a psychology degree, and so I'm like, please don't get me on my soapbox, but I will talk about how a lot of these genres of music that we associate with different communities actually came from the black community, and society has repackaged and repurposed black community contributions time and time and time and time again to the point where it's like muddled. These things that are distinctly black get presented to the world as if they're just like a part of this American culture, which we know in the United States American culture means white culture, but the actuality is American culture is built off of black people, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:55

It just is what it is. African means Americans made all it's so interesting that you mentioned.

SPEAKER_03 9:01

So the black oligirly Oh, sorry, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 9:05

It's okay. It's so interesting to me that you mentioned like so many aspects of black culture being used and abused, repurposed, repackaged. I consistently have these conversations all the time, especially in online spaces. Like not only am I all in black, I'm also a lesbian, loud and proud for sure. Um the amount of people the amount of non-black people that I hear using queer black lingo like trade or referring to uh sacred woman who is not black as a said just because she's masculine presenting, and then essentially being shot down and told, well, I'm just pointing out the difference. No, you're quite literally appropriating politics, my history that's not even taught in school. Most of the stuff that these people are learning came from colorful carousels off of Instagram made by a white person.

SPEAKER_01 9:55

Girl, the stud thing in particular, because for me, I'm like, you're not gonna make light of my ancestors being inslate.

SPEAKER_03 10:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

So when we talk about the term stud, there's a very real reason why no one non-black is a stud.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Or treating spoiler alert. All of these terms, and even um, but because I'm non-binary, but heteropresenting in the coupled coupling that I'm in, I have a husband. Um, and I was with my husband before I even like have the vocabulary of non-binary to express what I have always been. Um but when it comes to queer blackness, like there's so much of that history that gets fuddled, and it's like then we're at this point where visibility can can mean you know, exposure to violence because you are visibly a black person telling non-black people, hey, this space isn't for you.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

I on my old Twitter account, one of my tweets went viral because I had said something about how what did I say? It was you could be black and say, hey, this is for me, and there will always be somebody who is not black asking, Well, what about me? And I was like, Well, what about you? Please let me know because I was not addressing you. Like, do I need to tap the sign that says black people only? Umly sign. Right. Like you had the reading comprehension to understand the tweet that I just hit post on, but you're still asking me what about me? I don't understand what it is.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Yeah, um I personally, and I I don't even think I told you this when we were having our initial conversation before we started recording, but one of the most like populated videos of me is me on someone else's platform just saying, hey, just so you guys know, black people in the United States, we don't have the structural power to be racist. Racism is a system. It's not just people hurting your feelings. Racism is how much people get paid, what job opportunities are available to them, what neighborhood they can live in, what um you know items are available to them because credit is an entirely racist system as well. Um, so I just like you know, step that to what doctor what service we're gonna receive when we step into any institution across any field in the United States and globally because of imperialism, right? So anyway, if you are visible and black and tell the truth, girl, I'm not on TikTok anymore, but I guarantee you to this day on TikTok, there's people coming to to be like, oh, so you really think the black people can't be racist? It's not what I think, baby. It's the actual reality of our society today.

SPEAKER_02 13:19

Uh like and they also try to make it into such like a watered-down situation, but it's never been that black in my of course, like, race is very important, it is the backbone of a lot of our issues, all of our issues, but it's also a class thing. Like people don't realize I actually had these like conversations and exchanges with my own mom because my mom is also a black woman, but her upbringing versus mine, she would have what would be described as like a white experience, like having a privilege life. She grew up in cul de sacs, her dad paid for her education, she didn't have to deal with student loans, debt, none of that stuff. She was set up for success and hasn't had to navigate a lot of the really awful experiences that most like working class black people have had to endure, which is great for her because I'm not saying every black person's in trouble. Quite the opposite, actually. I believe all black people need to win. Um but it's just an interesting like perspective to see, just so close to me because I have never like seen a part of her world before. Never having experienced like that privilege of having like that two-story storybook house, you know, um and having like a car by your 16th birthday and all of those things that would be described as a tradition like picket that it's American experience.

SPEAKER_03 14:42

Um it's actually really hard.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

Yeah, it doesn't make her any less visible. But I feel like black people who have had those experiences often get more attention more so as like a hey, look at this guy. They're not struggling. Not all black people are like this, so I don't understand why you even need to pose the question or start the riot or light the fire, start the conversation. But it's not true. This is a small curated sample size.

SPEAKER_01 15:15

Like, yeah, that's that's actually very real. Um, I also grew up by way of a mother who experienced a very different upbringing than I did. Her parents were business owners and worked in hospitals, and she was an only child for most of her life. And me being the 11th of 12 children, I grew up in a lot of different situations. I grew up in a two-story house. I also grew up homeless. I also grew up in an unstable environment. I grew up with a father who was on drugs. I like I had all these different experiences, some of which were closer to what she experienced in her youth, some of which were very, very far. And it can like it can actually be hard as a black person who's visible in any way, but child, add in these clut the systems of classism, okay, because in the United States, there's racism and there's classism. That's that's the two systems that are this country. Okay, so when you are black and not in the same class as most of the black people in this country have been forced into, it creates this huge disconnect because everything is about mindset. And it's like I did not learn how to take any shit from my mother, right? Like, this is a woman who is used to resources, she's used to like not necessarily things being, they don't necessarily have to be easy, but they're possible, right? So what I'm when I'm encountering the world as me, like I'm someone I've never been rich, I've never even experienced financial stability, really. I've not experienced some of the things that my mom has experienced. So bringing those things to a light for her and creating visibility around some of the things that maybe she's less able to understand from lived experience or is able to understand from lived experience, but it still feels far away from her, like that can be hard to encounter. But I feel like it's also something that's very common for black people. Generation to generation, we're making such strides almost as a community, that it's like every every generation is having to reach back to the generation before to try to find some common ground.

SPEAKER_02 17:51

Yeah, I definitely have seen that, not even just like in terms of class too, but also like being neurotypical versus neurodivergent, especially in black faced black spaces. Um and me, I'm also neurodivergent. As somebody who has been disorted by those Aquarius placements, being very much out there. Um so has as somebody who's always been the black sheep, not only was it because of like my choice of aesthetic and interest and things like that, but also because I'm neurodivergent. A lot of people don't consider like neurodivergence as a disability because it's oftentimes social. And a lot of blackness, a lot of our culture is a social base. Like, how do you talk around people, how do you act a certain way, how do you address your elders, strangers on the street, those sorts of things, even our own parents. And because I don't exactly fit that mold, the fact that I struggle with certain things in social situations, I'm othered even more within my own community, and I become invisible within my own community. And it's not even like autism versus ADHD. It's like people who are struggling more severely, who have like very intense like disorders, they need to be on medication, and oftentimes their families will not check in on them, but they won't see them, they'll just shut up.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

Look, there's so much when it comes to being neurodivergent in the black community. So much to unpack there. But what I will say is I feel like when you are neurodivergent, which like I used to get made fun of, like people used to be like, oh, you're autistic, you must be autistic. And they would say it to me like it was an insult to like literally my entire childhood, to the point where one day I was like, let me just Google this because like I'm an information-based person. I almost like don't really care about what people are saying about something. I want to know like what it really is. So I was like, let me look up autism and see if this is just like this thing that's like bad and like coming for people and like super like evil and like mean and this. It was none of those things. I was like, why have y'all been calling me something as an insult? Which is literally just a different way of thinking. Like, can we unpack that and just like have a community, as a family, as a neighborhood? Like, why was why was this thing an insult? Which is not really an insult. But I will say, like, it made me so much more intentional about how I wanted to be visible. I was like, no, like I'm I to this day have never been like tested for autism because there's just never been any actual professional who has ever said, hey, you should test for this. But I will say when it came to like being seen by people, I was like, no, I'm gonna be intentional about this because before you see who I truly am, I need to know that I'm safe around you. Or before I show who I truly am, I need to know that I'm standing 10 toes down in this, and I don't care if anyone agrees with me or not. Like, that's one of those intentionalities that you get used to real quick.

SPEAKER_02 21:27

I also agree with that. Like, I can definitely come off as meek sometimes in social situations, but I within the last few years, I definitely have learned to stand my ground a lot firmer. It's like, okay, yes, this is terrifying. Yes, I don't know what to do, but it's like, do it scared, do it shaking, just do it. And people have definitely began to respect me a little bit more for being more self assured. Um and I am pretty proud of myself in that aspect because I used to be a total doormat and just a People to treat me however because of the fact that I am neurodivergent. But I began putting my foot down. I actually remember there was a girl that I wasn't really a fan of in high school. And we hung in the same group, but I just wouldn't interact with her because I was just not interested in her. And I mentioned that my condition and how I'm neurodivergent. And she chimes in. Oh, that's why you come off as rude to me. I'm like, girl, no, I don't like you. That's why I come off as rude. You only see me how you want to because it's easier for you to digest. But I'm just gonna give it to you straight. You can choose to chew and swallow or not.

SPEAKER_01 22:41

Period. And that's the thing about being black and neurodivergent. Black people like us and visibility in this country where we live, we don't get a choice. There is no choice but to be visible, especially if you are raised um as I was in a majority white area. You don't get a choice whether you're visible, you don't get a choice whether people notice you, want to talk to you, want to dissect what you're doing. None of that really comes as a choice by you. And so I think that's one of those other things that really taught me pretty quickly are you sending your convictions or not? Because at the end of the day, when you look like me, people go have some questions. And it's not always people in your community, it's not always people you were even talking to, it's not always people who have good faith in the questions that they're asking you. You know what I mean? Like none of that is guaranteed for us. So I think for me, as someone who is black and neurodivergent, I've been weird my entire life. It was first black people who didn't get me because those were the first people I was around. You know, my own family didn't really get me. And the more I've grown, the more I've, you know, stood in who I am, the less people in even my own family that I have a relationship with. This is something that you have to adapt to to survive.

SPEAKER_02 24:08

Yes, exactly. And my goal now is to not adapt so I have to survive, but adapt so it's more comfortable to live.

SPEAKER_03 24:17

Hmm.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Because we're also in an anti-black society here.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

Very much. No matter where you go, no matter where you go. Like I talk about the world. Like, where the hell am I gonna go though? Who actually likes black people for real? Raise your hand. Honestly only. Exactly. Right. Yeah, I I definitely think the vulnerability of visibility is very important, though. Especially just not even in the black space, but like take party culture, for example. I've been talking with my aunt for a good minute about how party culture died with millennials, not just because of the pandemic, but also because with the internet culture becoming like the majority of where we get a lot of our information, nobody wants to do anything anymore. Nobody wants to dance, nobody wants to sing, nobody wants to get dressed up and have fun because everybody always has their phone out ready to embarrass somebody.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

And always recording people in public who they don't even know, just to put them online out of context. Every like yeah, I definitely have heard that. I've heard also like in in the clubs specifically, people will like be filming people because they're dancing, and I'm like, yo, I don't know what images, like I don't know what images of the club Gen Z got when they were growing up, but millennials, especially millennials like me, who are you know younger, were like the last leg of millennials. I was born in '93. I think it goes until like 99. So there's only six more years of millennials after me. But we were seen where we were showed all of these scenes of the club like popping as hell. Everybody was up, everybody was having a good time, sweat pouring down you as you're dancing, right? Like that was our expectation. By the time we got to the club, things were already kind of different. We're like, wait, you guys, like, we but you have showed us all these music videos. We are like Natalie is getting hot in here. Okay, that was my baseline expectation of the club. We dancing so hard, the floor about to crack, the you know, the the water is coming down to spray on us, we ain't even stopping, like we just still getting in. Like, that was my expectation of the club. So, me, when I step into the club, hell, if I step into the club at this point because I'd be tired, that's my expectation still. That's still what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_02 26:55

Yeah, no, I my expectation for the club is also rather similar. Cause like, yes, even though I'm Gen Z, still grew up during like pretty peak music era, like born 2005. Um, a lot of good music from that era. Um, and so like looking at the club. Early 2000s, yeah. So like looking at like old videos from like Sierra and like Chris Brown, Rihanna, all of those people, and they're like having the blast. And they're all in business casual, but no one cared because everybody was actually focused on having fun. Which speaking of the business casual, I recently learned that the whole reason that even started was because racism in the nightclub scene, of course.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

That's that is true, and it was like racism and then a shit economy, so it was like both of those. Because if you remember, we were also at war in the early 2000s, so no one really had money for like outside clothes and work clothes, like work clothes became your outside clothes, and that's why for another reason everybody was wearing it to the club, but then also racism, yeah, absolutely. They love turning black people down from a club because they didn't fit the dress code, and now they just kind of move that to restaurants.

SPEAKER_02 28:19

The evolving nature of race theory looked like over on the other side, I'd be wrong. Be letting white people down anything under the sun, just walk in and do whatever they want. Um, but I can't dress up some sneakers because sneakers can very much be formal. That's also part of black culture. I've had these conversations, like as anxious as I have been my whole life. I have also not been afraid to have these conversations, correcting people, especially correcting non-black people, with their assumptions about black culture, even things that seem to be so small, like sneaker culture, it's like they're just shoes, just wear them. Do you even know why? Do you even know why people are this meticulous? I don't know, maybe because we couldn't do $600 new balances every two months.

SPEAKER_01 29:06

And they never do, and that's the that's the thing about culture. Like, when it comes to your culture being extremely visible, because black culture is extremely visible. Now, mind you, is it presented to you is it presented to you as black culture or is it presented to you as uh Gen Z speech? Like, you know what I mean? Or K pop.

SPEAKER_02 29:33

So tired. I'm so tired. Uh I actually left the K-pop community because of how absurd it has gotten. It was already bad to begin with. I won't even like I won't even say that, I won't even lie. Uh but they're just getting more and more and more bold. Um why am I a South Korean woman of box raids? What is this? Oh no, my hair was a big thing.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

See, I don't know something. I don't know a ton about K-pop because I genuinely was mostly introduced to K-pop through two things: Magnusalian and K-pop Demon Hunters or whatever that we must call on Netflix. The cartoon. Okay, those are my two biggest introductions to K-pop. For me, I'm like, when it comes to the K-pop music, I'm like, we got K-pop at home. Okay, I listened to those songs as far as Meg the Stallion is rapping, and then after that, I'm like, thank you for your service. Okay, and then this, like, once I started hearing about K-pop fans being racist to black people, them not acknowledging how I've seen K-pop music videos that are like frame for frame copied from a black artist, and there's no recognition given. Like, is as a college-educated person, you're not citing your sources, it's plagiarism.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

Yes, you're plagiarized. Yes, yes. I say this all the time. Like, a lot of ghostwriters for K-pop artists are black too. Like, K-pop is deliberately black culture, even all the way back to like the super early days of K-pop, like the 50s and 60s with the Ronette. They were doing that in Korea too. Like I it just baffles me that there are so many people that go to war and die online for these groups of people and not even have like the uh basic respect to even acknowledge that this is black culture being repackaged. Because like this isn't any show de shade to anybody else, but like it gets pointed out when it's like, oh South Asian culture is being appropriated, oh, they're appropriating uh so-and-so from this other place. But when it comes to black people, you guys say nothing. And it's happened to me personally too. I with my time online and being visible and being like I guess sort of a public figure, I really don't like to call myself an influencer, so I don't subject to that. Um people were like using my photos, pretending it catfishes me, but it's like anytime anytime like let's say a white girl or an Asian girl is being like catfish as or like her pictures were being used by random people online, people will go to war and die for it. But when I speak up about it, when I speak up about somebody who was doing uh atrocious things and attaching my face to it, nobody badder than I. And I essentially got cyberbullied for speaking up for myself and autonomy over my photos of me being underage, mind you. And so the visibility in that aspect is also like really detrimental because it's like okay, I can be here, but will you guys actually like speak up for me too while having the privilege of seeing me online and me sharing these parts of my life with you?

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Yeah, there's like a very uneven exchange rate when it comes to black visibility that I think people are just now uh black people who are you know visible or becoming visible, especially people who are black and becoming visible for the first time or again, like we're definitely clocking that shit a lot earlier. And the reality of it is violent at the end of the day. Like, we we're gonna call that shit out because when it comes to claiming our visibility, we're also claiming our culture. You're not gonna sit in our face and try to play with somebody who's been black their whole life about my culture. It's just not happening, and the same way that someone else is able to, you know, have their culture, know their history, this, that, and the other. I do that, I know my history, I know black American history. You're not gonna play in my face, you're not gonna tell me some outsiders' perspective of what happened to my people and think that I'm gonna hold that shit for any value. Because at the end of the day, my mama told me when my granddaddy was alive, he told me a little bit, okay. My ancestors were here, okay. The stories have been passed down, and at the end of the day, we we know whether other people want to validate the reality of African American people, the hundreds of years we've been in this country, the blood, sweat, and tears that our ancestors poured into this land to build this country. Don't don't try to play with me. Don't try to play with me.

SPEAKER_03 34:44

Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:44

Because we reclaiming the culture too.

SPEAKER_02 34:48

Yeah, it's and the thing about it like Yeah, it's it's definitely quite the uphill battle, um, especially being in like predominantly white spaces as well. Um and also like dealing with being the person who like brought the vibes down because you shut some shit down that shouldn't have been brought up in the first place when it comes to correcting people on black culture, where it originates from, and who is entitled to it. Spoiler, it's only black people. Only black people. Um like I I felt the awkward tension so many times. Like, I believe we spoke about it a little bit beforehand in our first initial conversation, but about how I had cut off a non-black person in my AP English class back in my senior year of high school for trying to explain an A B E term, and I got a bunch of weird stares, and the whole class was quiet, and people were whispering amongst themselves, but it's like you're not even entitled to explain this. You're not. I feel like that one that woman, did you see her? Um there's this man who said you should have two lock stylists, one for da-da-da-da-da. And then this white lady with dread chimes in talking about some this is misinformation, I'm gonna tell you why. No, you're not! What are your credentials? I would love to see them.

SPEAKER_03 36:23

Like the Vikings use Lord. The Vikings were credentials.

SPEAKER_02 36:34

There are still some people today that don't even understand that being a Viking isn't even a necessity, it was a profession.

SPEAKER_01 36:41

Literally, it was a job.

SPEAKER_02 36:43

Like, niggas could be Vikings too. Next caller, please.

SPEAKER_01 36:47

Right. And it was also not like a good job, like y'all were pillaging, raping, destroying, like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 36:56

Like, like you're proud of that?

SPEAKER_01 36:59

These were not these were not community builders, okay? These were not the ones going in and building shit and making things better and bringing aid. Vikings were doing none of that.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

No, absolutely not. And it's really upsetting that the only time black culture is like really, really visible and when people really really care about it is when there are atrocities happening, and even then, barely so. It's like people have to die for people to pay attention to us, or we already have to be gone, long gone, for people to even appreciate the things that we've done for this country.

SPEAKER_01 37:38

Ooh, because let's talk about the most visible black people, right? Because we're talking about being visible. The most visible black people that I know of are either dead or doing something in a white space that makes them significant.

SPEAKER_02 37:53

Yep. Exactly. And that being the truth, I don't want that to be true for me. That's why I'm moving as as fast as I can, moving as intentionally as I can, breaking records, breaking curses, and not resigning myself to anything. Releasing all enemies. Yes, exactly, because my visibility is something that I should have control over. And my visibility is a privilege, it's a luxury, it's a blessing. Um and I definitely want everybody else, especially all the weird black femmes, all the weird black young femmes like me to take control of your visibility. It's absolutely so important that you do because would you let somebody take a photo with you if you didn't like the lighting that they chose? I wouldn't. So choose your own lighting. Choose the way you want other people to see you and make sure they see you in that way. And if they period.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

A bitch like me is choosing the lighting, the location, if I can, the camera, the shutter speed.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

Exactly. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

I love creative direction. I I'm just like so here for everything that you're saying. And I love that it's coming from someone younger than me because usually when I'm in conversations like this, one like I'm the younger person, and I'm also the person who's like engaging or encouraging even the audacity. Like, we deserve ownership of what is ours, and black people owning things in the United States has been something that has been fought against since the colonizers rolled up on these shores, since they, you know, decided to start colonizing the whole world. These are things that have been under attack. Black people's autonomy has been under attack. It's your right to choose, to be clear. Your right to choose as a black person, choose anything has been under attack. So when we reclaim those things for ourselves unapologetically, and we hold on to them and we protect them, that's huge. And it doesn't just matter for us, it affects everyone, it affects the people in our life who see us on the daily, it affects people who pass by us and don't even speak to us but feel our energy, right? Because I've walked past a black woman, and for me, it's particularly important for me. I'm 32 years old. It is particularly important to me that I see black women and fans older than me doing this too. Because I need to know the people did it before me. I need to know the people were unapologetic. Know that they resisted out of love for ourselves and out of just knowing and honoring our inherent worth. We are worthy, we deserve protection from from other people, we deserve protection, but we also deserve it from ourselves, you know what I mean? So when we become visible in a way that not only benefits us but is uplifting to us and honors us, ooh, you can't put a price on it ever.

SPEAKER_02 41:33

Like I definitely shedded old means of being visible. Like I have stepped away from I guess being in a specific space online. Like, yes, I am still online, I still interact and I put my little peelers out and I talk to my little friends. But I've definitely shifted my approach and how I choose to be visible. Um and I feel like that in itself is also self-care. Um because choosing to limit your access and be more intentional about who is allowed to see what you're doing and how much access they have is still promoting visibility. It's just healthy visibility.

SPEAKER_01 42:20

Oh yes. Oh yes, oh yes. I believe in a strict curation. Okay, I'm not going just anywhere. No one is just just nobody is gonna be around me. I'm not gonna be around just anybody because viewing blackness is a privilege. It is being around us is a privilege, experiencing our talent, our energy, what we have to give our razzle dazzle, okay, our presence period is a privilege. And so, yes, we will be visible, but to those who deserve it, we're gatekeeping visibility, okay? Because a lot of people actually don't deserve access to us. Invisibility is access. Figure out who deserves access to you, and when you realize and clock that they do not deserve access to you, give them less.

SPEAKER_02 43:20

Exactly. I it's a silly thing in mine, but it's like if you're restricted, you're on probation. If you're blocked, you're in jail. We'll see how long your sentence is and when you're allowed to have access to me again. But for now, for now, you locked up.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

And the thing about it is like for me, who gets blocked can change on the daily. Sometimes sometimes I'm in the mood, sometimes I'll go back and forth with somebody. Sometimes you say one thing and you blocked. And I'm gonna be the one who decides that.

SPEAKER_02 43:56

So I block people for being straight. That's Just me. I'm sorry. People are saying, oh, you block somebody over their music today. Girl, I block people for being white. I I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

Literally, and it's honestly a spectrum. I will block you because it's a Tuesday, okay? Right. Or I will go back and forth with you. It is depends on my mood. It's about me.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

This is my life.

SPEAKER_02 44:25

Also, revoking access doesn't mean admitting defeat. I should also drive that home. Choosing Yeah, no. Oh, yeah. It's choosing your connections is not admitting defeat or failure. Reevaluating who should be able to spend time with, and who is allowed to see you and hear you and be near you, absorb your energy. That is self-care too. It's not failure for letting a person go. Or people go. Or I was platform go.

SPEAKER_01 44:55

A platform, a community, a country, whatever it is. Okay, like I definitely was someone in the past. Um, because I've a tourist moon, right? The bull. We'd be a little, we'd be a little knuck if you buck, but a lot.

SPEAKER_03 45:11

But um, it's about you.

SPEAKER_01 45:16

So don't let some ego driven, oh, I have to get the last word, I have to make them stop talking, I have to prove that I'm right to them. For me, I found all of that based in ego. I move in peace, I move in divine alignment, I move in divine favor. And those things have a different energy to them. It's not about me proving anything to anyone. I don't have to. I jinx, I don't have to. I don't have to prove anything to anybody. It's about does this serve me? Does this feel right for me? Do I got a little time? You know, I mean, am I feeling like a little rascal today? That's what it's about. It's about me and whimsy and fun and creativity and letting a bitch have it sometimes. It is never about ego.

SPEAKER_03 46:07

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 46:08

Or winning. You know what I mean? Like in those moments where you're like, no, they're gonna understand. Like, sometimes they are genuinely maliciously misunderstanding you, and it is up to you to protect.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

They just don't care.

SPEAKER_01 46:23

I've learned that and they're not going to, they don't want to understand you, they don't want to understand your perspective. They're literally a racist. And let me just say for the record, racists are trash, don't waste energy on them.

SPEAKER_02 46:37

Not even reasonable trash. Like, you just you're no good to nobody. What's Dr. Umar saying? I need you to tell me all to put a blindfold on and walk out into the street. You're no good to nobody. You're useless. Like, we do not do that. Don't play that. I'm so I I remember being the black kid in school with a bunch of like rowdy little white kids around me thinking that it was funny to be borderline racist or joke about almost saying the n-word, and then being an awkward person saying that's not funny. I'm not the black friend who gave you a pass. I was never the black friend who would let that sort of behavior slide, and I was always penalized for calling out that sort of behavior, but it's like you guys are way too comfortable. Like, that's the problem, is you guys are way too comfortable with not being though. Like everybody non-black gets so aggie when you tell them something is not for anybody but for black people. I have never seen it.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

Yep, because they don't they're like they in their mind, the only thing that's only for black people is like the least some oppression, some unfair behavior or standard that they want to put on black people. I remember that was one of my first things that when I was like really starting to unpack the layers of anti-blackness that we exist in in the United States, I started to be like, I'm actually not gonna uphold any standards that are only for black people. If that standard doesn't go across the board, it doesn't apply to me either.

SPEAKER_02 48:21

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 48:23

Because you're not gonna say like you're not gonna tell me just because I'm a black person daring to be visible, now I have extra special standards that I have to meet that no one else has to meet. That's not my life, and I don't accept that.

SPEAKER_02 48:35

And black people do that to their own children too, especially on the topic of like adultification of young black girls. I was definitely one of those girls I grew up having to wear like making sure my t-shirts were longer than my bottom if I was wearing leggings because it wasn't appropriate. I'm 10 years old.

SPEAKER_01 48:56

If you literally adult visibility there, it's like visibility and uh and adultification was like this for me.

SPEAKER_02 49:09

Yeah, yeah, like being called fast because you wanted to wear red nail polish for once when you go to the nail salon. Like, are you red or wanting color in your hair is grown? Yeah, because at 12 I was gonna get all the bitches in hoes with green hair. Right. Right. But it's like that sort of thing, it's like that sort of disability and like not even just black people, but non-black people adultify young black girls, especially who are like developed, they are more mature. I say this in heavy quotes because she's still a child, there's nothing mature body looks like thank you.

SPEAKER_01 49:48

And I agree, I was someone who got adultified very young. I remember uh it got it was so confused. I was like, not fast for walking out the door and being on the porch where everyone is at. So everyone's on the porch, but only I'm fast for being on the porch. Okay, good to know. Like, what are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 50:10

Oh man, I'm growing because I wanted I wanted the blue cup instead of the red cup. Like, no, I just like the color blue. There ain't nothing fast about it. Or like me being into alternative fashions, like you don't need to dress slutty. Because I want to wear a little black once in a while. Like it's just so ridiculous. Like they pull things out of nowhere and like being dress coated just for how my body looks, opposed to a much skinnier person, somebody who doesn't have as curvier of a body. I've seen it with my best friend, I've seen it with my sister, myself. Um, it's actually so ridiculous because it's like once again, that visibility, but no accountability for who is watching.

SPEAKER_01 50:57

And then it's like, where's the acknowledgement? Where's the acknowledgement of my lack of effort in being visible? Like, can we talk about how little I was trying to be invisible in that I wasn't trying at all? Like Can we unpack that part?

SPEAKER_02 51:14

Then you fix that. That is not the fault of your child, and that is not the fault of your daughter for wanting to be comfortable in her own home or around people should be coming.

SPEAKER_03 51:22

Um, please say that again for people.

SPEAKER_02 51:27

Check the people in your house. If you have that feeling that they shouldn't be around your daughter wearing shorts, do not talk to these people no more. Like it shouldn't even have to be a discussion, really. It really shouldn't, because me, I'm not a parent. I've never been a parent. I don't have kids. But I know for a fact that if I was starting to feel uncomfortable with a man around my child, when my child is being comfortable in their own home and very much appropriate, I'm gonna have to have a conversation with who the hell is in my house.

SPEAKER_01 52:05

Like it's not like for some reason that's like one plus one equals two for us, but for other people, let me tell you.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

That's what I'm saying. Like, this sort of visibility, like, visibility is such a multi-faceted thing, and I believe it should be respected, but also I guess cared for because it's okay to be visible, yeah, but we should also hold accountable who's watching, depending on what they're looking at.

SPEAKER_01 52:33

Hmm. I remember um because I'm again, I have a large family, have 11 siblings, nine of them are girly pops. Okay. So I have a lot of sisters, and I remember one of my sisters, one of the few I still talk to, she told me one time, and mind you, she's gorgeous. Um, my sister Gina, shout out to you if you listen. I genuinely don't know. Um, but she told me one year, she was like, being pretty is a double-edged sword because it makes you visible, and being visible can be a privilege or it can be very dangerous, it can make you a target. And I never forgot that because she was not lying. And that's what I've experienced. It can be a double-edged sword from the people who think you're pretty, it can be a double-edged sword for people who are like, oh, everyone thinks that person's pretty, but I don't. Who knows? Who knows? It can it can very much be a double-edged sword, but I I never forgot that when she told me I was just a teenager.

SPEAKER_02 53:39

It is, because beauty is currency all over the world. You will not get shit if at least like two people don't think that you're banging somehow. Like I've actually noticed that at work, um, if I'm not wearing makeup, like my face is bare, maybe I look tired. People are a lot meaner to me. But when I put on makeup and I brush my wig out, everybody's like, oh my god, you're like the best person ever.

SPEAKER_03 54:08

Well, alright, but like it shouldn't be like this, honestly.

SPEAKER_02 54:14

Like there are some of the most like gorgeous people that do the most atrocious, heinous, disgusting things and the ability to protect them too.

SPEAKER_01 54:27

Child, I remember I was recently listening to an interview by uh Gabore Sidibe. Uh, she was the beautiful dark-skinned black girly who played the main character in the movie Precious, and she was talking about how she is a dope ass person, but people have to get to know her to know that because when they look at her, she's precious. That and that, and they're assuming a whole bunch of things off of that, you know what I mean? But then when they talk to her, they're like, Oh, you're so cool, you're so great. Like, pretty people, we will get that assumption before they even talk to us. Or they'll be like, Oh, you're super intimidating, which I've also gotten. I've talked to people where they're like, Oh, when I first met you, you were like, or when I first saw you, mind you, because they have not talked to me at this point. They're like, Oh, when I first saw you, I was so intimidated, you were so pretty, and your outfit was so put together, and I'm like, girl, when you when you the moment that you're describing, I was literally just standing there. Actually, I was kind of lost in thought because I was like, Oh, I don't know anyone here. Like, that's all I was thinking. Yeah, I it's funny that I wasn't like, oh, I'm here to intimidate.

SPEAKER_02 55:47

Like, girl, I'm thinking about how long it's gonna take for me to get to the bus station after this and the fact that my shoes are killing me. Like, I I'm not even trying to be intimidating. Or it's not even like just like how you look, but when you come off, it's very like matter-of-fact, self-assured, and zero tolerance for weird behavior near you because I am 100% that person. Like, I love to chuck and dive and giggle and gaggle, but I still am very much no nonsense. Like I said, I was that friend of like don't joke like that about me. Don't talk about having the N-word pass because I never did weird stuff like that. I've never been that person. And being so like firm in your boundaries also scares people off. Because they probably weren't even going to respect them, anyways, to begin with. They're used to getting away with stuff. But like it's interesting, like how easy it is to change what kind of visibility that you have as well. Um, just based on your actions and how you carry yourself. Um but I still try try and keep it pretty consistent. Like, yes, I am no nonsense, but I am also very fun and relaxed, and I can take a joke. I love jokes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:59

Uh that's the other part about it. Like, when you're visible, you don't get or like other people don't get the opportunity as easily to pigeonhole you into one thing. Because visibility will show all of my sides. You'll see the the boss ass bitch who run in the scene and has all of the little things ticked off. You'll see the silly girly, you'll see the sleepy girl, you'll see the no nonsense person, you'll see the revolutionary. You're gonna see all of those things because again, I'm being visible and I am controlling what that looks like for me. I'm not, you know, because there's visibility and then there's exploitation. And I feel like exploitation is visibility without that person's control. When you have visibility, just visibility, that means I get to be in control of that and I am not being exploitated.

SPEAKER_02 57:54

Yeah, exactly. And with like visibility being so important. No, exploit with visibility being so important as a black person. I should also mention that I feel like I've said it before, but I haven't said it enough. Black people are not a monolith. We are not at all. And driving that specific topic home is also just as important as being visible because you should be visible in a different. You don't have to fit into any one of seven stereotypes that they have of us or what they expect us to be. Because even like the cool black girl and Gen Z is still very much like she still very much caters to white people, especially in like TV and movies and stuff like that. And I I don't see that for myself. I've never seen that for myself, and I really don't think that any other young black person that's different in any sort of way should have to conform to that or see that as our representation. Like you're allowed to be.

SPEAKER_01 59:00

Right, because we know the tropes, the tropes that come with our visibility. We're always one thing, right? So either we're the angry revolutionary black girl who don't got no time for these white people, or we're the motivational black girl who's the best friend, like, girl, you got this. Don't let anybody tell you whoop you whoop, or we're the disposable black girlfriend, like we're the person that you dated for a second, until you realize that she just not hurt. She's just not this white girl, she could never be, right? Like, we know the trolls that come around that come to black visibility and black representation. And the thing about it is, like, we're so much more than that. Even if there was a black girl who was there being angry, bitch was valid, okay, and y'all wasn't listening to her. The girl who was trying to motivate you into being a real friend, you just were never a real friend to her. Okay. Like the black girl who was the disposable girlfriend, she had real feelings. And after she left that relationship, she learned the lesson. Like she was showing up genuinely, and she realized that other people won't do that for her. So the black girl's story is never over, but they love to take these little snapshots of us and pigeonhole us and act like that's all we all we're ever were.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:19

Exactly. And that's never the case at all. Like, I am so firm on opening up discussions, especially in different alternative subcultures, because being alternative is a huge umbrella. There's so many different subcultures, and as somebody who's like very into fashion from all over the world, I've gotten very accustomed to like what these spaces look like. Like, for example, like coquette. Oftentimes when people think of coquette, they think of like Rana Del Rey and like skinny white girls standing up in the mud with like dirty shoes and stuff like that, being all cute. But it's like we've had coquets. And like maybe some rockets forever. Like, seriously, it's like we've had coquette women, black women have been in coquette forever. Like, I mentioned the Ronette. It's like we've had these aesthetics, we birthed these aesthetics, we curated all of these things just for it to be taken and completely like erased, like the original history being erased. Um and I I I joke about it all the time. Like that's oftentimes how I get people to listen is by making a joke about what I'm talking about. I've made like so many stupid tweets talking about things like man, why people can do anything. Take a picture of them standing in some, y'all call that an aesthetic. Because they do. They literally do. But I post a normal selfie and it's like, oh, you're trying too hard. But you standing in sewer water and busted up goodwill Mary Jane is doing it for you. Alright. God forbid I'd be a little more creative. Um and not like specifically cater to one audience. Like, I'm not really trying to p I'm not trying to please white people, that's the thing. I'm not trying to please white men at all. I never have been really.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:05

And that's that is a huge declaration to be visible and to not cater to the white gays. And I am another person, I'm another person like that. I I'm building visibility for a non-white gaze, and it just is what it is, and it looks different and it feels different, and it sounds different, you know. I mean, it's gonna reach all of the senses differently than what people are used to, but genuinely, I think that society is ready. I think that people are trending towards this space that is not centering whiteness, it just is what it is.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:47

Yeah, I because believe me, I've had my bad time with white people. I'll tell y'all that I still love but drawn by nice. Like I have developed a very short program with a lot of white people in recent years with how things are going on because it really be your own friends that will you'll think that you are on the same page and that they're anti-racist and that they're down with the cause and that they love you and support you with their whole heart. And then there's one moment they remind you that they are white. And it's like, yep, that'll do it. Ciao!

unknown 1:03:27

That'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:29

I remember I remember being I remember being in junior year or senior year of high school. I forget which one of it was. White friends were dropping off like flies. And the only thing that I was doing was being happier to be me, prouder of my culture and my community. I was starting to learn more and more about my own black history, my own ancestors, things like being happy to be black will have even white friends falling off because at the end of the day, normalized racism is white culture. And that was a really hard thing for me to grapple with because the way that we learn about whiteness in this culture, in this society at large, and certainly in the US, is that there are things like objective and fair and welcoming and loving, and they're not gonna be biased, they're just gonna get to know every single person. That is just not the truth of white supremacy and of white culture. White culture is largely um, in my analysis, about pretense. So it's about pretending to be a lot of things, saying a lot of things, and then not upholding them in any way. It's just about saying them. Like once you've said it, that's the law, and then you can do whatever you want to do. And so when it came to visibility, the more white people became visible to me, the more I started to see them and peep them. I was like, y'all, what you're saying and what you're doing are not adding up. And so, look, y'all, pay attention, is all I could say. And that's honestly gonna be my last word on this. Pay attention to what is visible to you because there's a lot that is out here that is visible, that you can see it if you just look and play pay attention.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:17

So my last word for everyone.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:20

Yeah, and honestly, August, please think too, if if there's anything we haven't said, if there's any last word that you have around being visible, mine is pay attention to what is available to you, pay attention to what you're able to see, pay attention to what comes to the forefront, what keeps being put in your face. Start to analyze it and don't be afraid to be critical because anything that's real and true can stand up to criticism. It can stand up to questions. If it's not standing up to it, ask more questions and be more critical. August, what would your last words around being visible be for the community if there's anything?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:59

Well, I I definitely want everybody, especially young black people, to definitely step in to be more visible. And it's okay to be afraid to do it, but don't do it. Do it scared, do it shaking, do it tired, do it anxious. All of it. Um your visibility, your stories, um, your dreams, your fears, all of it is important. Even if you're just shouting into the void on Twitter. Talk. Post a video, draw the picture, write the song, just do it. I wouldn't be here if I didn't decide to just do it.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:36

Just doing it is so important.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:38

And I'm and I'm a f huge fan of just posting into the void. Most of the things that I post on Twitter don't get any interactions, but I'm still post because you deserve to be seen and heard and cataloged and archived and all of those things. Um, so August, you have said so much that I'm sure the people are gonna want to follow up on, they're gonna want to see more of you, hear more of you, pay you. Where can they find you? Where can they reach you?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:12

Um, I mostly am active on Instagram under the handle at Horrid Fem. Um, like horrid as in horrible femme as in like high femme, like I am myself. Um I I don't talk a lot, but I will be sure to talk more if more people want to hear from me because I do have a lot to say. Um I would definitely keep an eye out for certain things that I may be doing in the future. I'm kind of just everywhere. A bunch of random side quests. Um I would definitely say hit my bendo obviously in the strange for all the people who are blackbird rise. Um, but otherwise, yeah, I'm really just here. Um just talking just to talk for people who will listen and for people who kind of need that digital hug, you know.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:09

Yes, and genuinely I feel digitally hugged this evening, though I have hugged you in real life. Um so I'm really, really grateful to have had this conversation with you, August. I personally I'm just excited to see what you do. Like, I love a black alt girly, I love the youth, I love I loved being in my 20s, so I'm excited to see you like enjoy that and flourish. Yes. I'm um I'm honestly excited for the next chapter for black people. We are all doing so many amazing things. I definitely feel like the hive mind of black people, like moving in the same direction. We're not taking shit, we're standing up for ourselves, we're standing up for each other, we're learning what solidarity across all black people looks like, and I'm very much here for that. So, community, just know that the Hot Girls Healing podcast is a part of this movement of healing, loving, and uplifting the Black community. If you are one of my Black listeners, I love you. I'm proud of you. If you're one of my non-Black listeners, I hope that you support Black people in real life and just know that I love you and I'm proud of you as well. Y'all, this has been another episode of the Hot Girls Healing Podcast. I am your host, Selena Green. Make sure you use the hashtag Hot Girls Healing Podcast or Hot Girls Healing to chat with me and stay up to date on what's happening with the podcast and other projects that I have in the works. I will see you guys next episode. And of course, if you see me out in community, say hey. Bye, y'all.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:07

Bye, you guys. Thank you for having me on here.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:52

It's all about that. I girls feel like we better day by day. I girls feel it, we doing it all the way. I girl feel it, and it's all it's a good one.