The Saboteur's Ceiling - Why can't you just do the 'thing'?

Ever talk yourself out of something that would’ve actually changed your life?

You say things like “I can’t afford it” or “Now’s not the right time” - but deep down, if that same opportunity was for your child, your partner, or literally anyone else… you’d move heaven and earth to make it happen.

In this episode, Rob breaks down what he calls the Saboteur’s Ceiling —
the emotional upper limit you unknowingly install to keep yourself from receiving more success, joy, rest, nourishment, or growth.

Inside:

• What self-sabotage actually looks like (it’s not what you think)
• How your subconscious uses “logic” to emotionally cap your potential
• Why you’ll invest in everyone else — but not yourself
• The cost of waiting for “your time”
• How to tell when you’re operating from survival, not self-worth

This episode is straight-talking and brutally honest — and it’s exactly what you need if you’re stuck in a cycle of playing small and calling it “being realistic.”

🎥 Rob’s also made a free 5-minute video breaking this down further.
📲 DM him the word sabotage on Instagram or Facebook to get it sent directly.

Transcript

0:00

Ever noticed how you can justify not doing something that would change your life in like three seconds flat? Oh, I can't afford that right now. Now's not a good time. I'll do it. When things settle, my time will come. Now I'm welcome. Now I know that this is triggering. This is a triggering episode. Deliberately. Deliberately, because if you are saying those things. What you are subliminally saying without even realizing is nobody who has ever gotten further than me in life has had it worse than me. And I don't know you personally. Perhaps maybe I do, maybe I don't, but I honestly don't believe that you are that arrogant. So what's the difference? How come there are people? Who have had less money than you? Less time. Why do they get further? Because trust me, mate, it's not laziness. If your kid needed it, if your partner was struggling, if it was for someone else, you'd figure it the fuck out. It is like there's this ceiling above your head, a limit that your brain has decided that you are not allowed to go past and it feels logical, and that's the trap. And then anything above that ceiling, not for me. Welcome to, it was never about the food. The podcast where we go deeper than diets discipline or self-help fluff. I'm Rob, and I'm not here to tell you what to eat. I'm here to help you understand why you became who you became while you were trying to survive, because underneath every binge, every spiral, every breakdown is a story, and I want to help you rewrite it. Because the truth is, it was never about the food. So this episode isn't about sabotaging the obvious way. Um, you know, like throwing your progress in, in the bin, taking a backward step. Uh,'cause that's life that happens to all of us. This is about how you fuck yourself up subtly, quietly. And you put this kind of emotional cap on yourself. And this is, this is an episode that, uh, hits home for me because, uh, one, this was me. So I was in this seat that you, if, if this episode triggers you, it would've triggered me as well. Uh, so one, it was me, but two, I have this conversation almost every day with people. And sometimes you want to reach through the computer screen and just grab this person by the shoulders and shake them because they just can't see it. They are, they've been stuck feeling not enough for so long. That they don't realize how they're limiting themselves. You don't realize how you are limiting yourself. So when it's, when you look at anything good, uh, a romantic relationship, Mr. Hottie or Miss Hottie, uh, that you might say is out of your league. A job opportunity that you intellectually, somewhere in there, believe that you deserve it, but you just think, oh, another opportunity will pop up a holiday maybe next year. A program, a coach, just a fucking hot bath alone for an hour. For God's sake. Yeah, but just not right now. Not for me. Like no emotion, no drama, just instant quiet disqualification. That's the saboteur ceiling. Uh, I did, um, I did a video on this actually, like a quick five minute video when it came to my creative crazy little brain. Um, so if you want that video, um, DM me. Saboteur ceiling on Instagram or Facebook. Message me there and I'll send it right over to you because this is the same thing, just the, the podcast version, I suppose. So here's how it gets you, it sounds like logic. I, I can't justify that I should be saving, but I've got a holiday coming up. The family need that stuff over there. Other people need me over here. Like there's always a logical reason, seemingly, but let me ask you this. If your kid needed the very same thing, if, if it was going to bring the love of your life, the person that you, you've loved more than anyone and has loved you more than anyone, if it could just bring them some peace. If your best friend who has been with you through thick and thin, the heartbreak, all of it, if your friend was hurting and this could help you wouldn't talk logic, you'd move heaven and earth. And even if it couldn't work, you'd at least try. You'd take more than three seconds to say, oh no, that's not gonna work. But look at all of those examples. Your kid, your, your romantic partner, your friend. It's like the reason that you are, part of the reason you're so willing to give something to them, em is because they've been a big part of your life, right? In some way, depending on who they are and that relationship. Who's been with you more than anyone else, right? You maybe that inner child, that little girl within you. She's been with you through thick and thin. When those people aren't there, when the doors are closed, you are the one who has been with you through everything. Yet, you can't just do something for yourself when it's for you. It's a no. It's always a no. And then you have the audacity to call it being realistic. It's not. It's protective. It's your subconscious saying, don't rise too high. That's not safe up there. You do it every day, man. Every fucking day, and then when something really big comes along, no, we're gonna stay over here in the safe little corner. This is why we call it the comfort of chaos. The best thing in the world can present itself to you, but because. Nobody has ever allowed you to feel as though you deserve it. You've started to believe that yourself. So you can literally touch and see this opportunity over there, but you, you won't allow it because at least we know this chaos over here. This is our comfort of chaos. So the wild thing is your inner saboteur doesn't scream. Because screening is obvious. We'd be able to have an awareness of that. She whispers. She uses your tone of voice. She's calm, she's realistic, she's logical. She tells you that you are being smart. She tells you that it's a good idea to wait, and she convinces you that you'll get your turn later on. How old are you now? Whoever's listening to this answer that question, so how many years has it been and your turn still hasn't come? How many more years are you going to wait? So that little inner saboteur, she's not dramatic. She's convincing. That's why you believe her. Here's what's actually happening. Oh, my dog is barking. Another episode of Wilfred Destroys my podcast. It's'cause Jess has got back and she's bringing me, bringing me my McDonald's coffee. Side note, controversial opinion. In the UK at least. McDonald's flat whites are better than Starbucks flat whites. Just putting it out there, just saying, where was I? Um. Yes. Here's, here's what's actually happening. You have built an identity around managing, coping, getting by. This is the big one. I'm just grateful for what I have. Fuck off. Stop it. Stop it. You're not grateful. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You're grateful for what you have, but that doesn't mean you can't dream. Get a grip. So when something really good comes along, something expensive, something bold, something joyful, something nourishing, your nervous system goes Absolutely not. Nope. That's, that's not your role. That doesn't sit with you. What are you thinking, sister? You are gonna dream. Forget it. You don't let yourself even try for it. Because remember, the little saboteur story is, I don't need that. I'm fine. My time will come. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. You've just made emotional, shrinking part of your personality, and now your whole life is set. To just enough. Just enough. Like it'll do, it's, it's like you've gotten used to surviving, you've gotten used to coping. This comes back to that part where I want to put my arms through the screen and shake you by the bloody shoulders to say, you're gonna die one day. I wish. I wish I had. Someone like what I'm trying to do for you right now, I wish I had that. I had to do it myself. In the end, it took me getting to rock bottom before I did something about it. I don't want you to get there. Maybe you've even gotten there and you ain't moving.'cause when you get there, it's hard to get back up. Life doesn't get better on its own. Miraculously, no one's gonna come to save you. No one. Even if somebody, like I always talk about, uh. Jess being a fundamental part of why I am where I am. That doesn't mean I had, I still had to do things. I still had to do scary things. I still had to do things that challenged who I was at that point. So let me ask you, this is, this is like a mentor trying to kick you in the ass with a bit of love at the same time. What is the thing you keep saying not yet to like? Is is there something in particular, is there a journey that you're trying to move forward with? Is there a weight loss journey, for example? Uh, is it a professional thing? What's the thing you keep saying? Not yet to write that down. Store it somewhere. Second question. This is gonna knock you over a little, and this only works if you are honest, by the way. Second question is if that thing was guaranteed and I could not fail at it, but it still required a certain cost. Whether it be emotional, financial, all of the above, would you then find a way, like if it knocked on your front door and said, here I am. Would you do it then? Because that's very telling. If the answer to that question is yes and you've still not done it yet. Third question. If it was for someone you love, would you find a way? And the fourth question you need to answer this question, by the way. If you actually don't have an answer to this question, that means it's never going to happen. What is the specific date to the year that your time in quotes is meant to come? Do you know what that time is? Because let's look at your track record. You've been saying to yourself, my time will come since you were about 10 years old. Has it come yet? Cool. So when exactly is it gonna come? Because what you're at risk of here is trying to look at yourself and think of yourself and treat. In the same way that you always have and expect a different outcome. Because if you are waiting for life to create a gap for the money to randomly appear, for your energy to magically be perfect, it, you're still gonna be waiting in, in five years, 10 years when you're on your deathbed. You've got to create the gap, my friend. You've got to create it. The triggered part of you at this point might be saying, but I don't have the time, but I don't have the money, but I don't have the energy. We will come back to you. The questions. If it was for someone else, would you at least try? You can't. Magic money outta thin air, for example. Nobody expects you to, but the point I'm making here is that you don't try because it's not just about money. It's because attached to this is years of failure. It is never having been enough for the mother who is supposed to love you unconditionally. It's never being enough for your father to stop being an alcoholic. You were never enough for anyone. So why the fuck should you be enough for this? So yes, logistics will come into the question no doubt. But do not make the mistake of thinking. It's just how down to logistics.'cause it isn't. It just isn't. There is years of trauma. Wrapped up in every single self-limiting decision that you make. And what you are potentially doing is making the mistake of thinking, well, I'm gonna learn how to be confident. I'm gonna read about it. I'm gonna listen to podcasts like this about it, then I'll know how to be confident, and then I'll make the decision for myself. It doesn't work that way. You've got to create the gap. You've got to do the thing when your nervous system is stopping you from doing it.'cause remember your nervous system. It's not designed to make you happy. That's not what it's there for. It's not there to help you change the world. If every person that you've ever, ever looked up to, if that person didn't break through their own barriers, you would not have them to look up to.'cause they'd be stuck in the same corner as you. Do you think every person that got to where they are did it comfortably? Most, most, most public speakers still have butterflies in their tummy right before they're about to walk on stage. When they've been doing it for 20 plus years, it, they don't move forward because there are no more butterflies. They do it because they trust they'll be okay on the other end of it. They, they're no more than you are. You're the same. You've got to create the gap. You've got to move first, and then the self-love the confidence. It will follow. Sometimes the most healing thing isn't therapy or journaling or breath work. It's saying, fuck it. I deserve this now. Again, I can relate. I've done this more times than I care to admit. I said no to rehab. You know why? It brought up all of these things that I'd have to admit to myself that I was really that far gone. So, yeah, like Jess coming into my life, she was my rehab. It was me. It was just timing. I'm so fucking lucky if that didn't happen. I don't know where I'd be. Things that I knew would stretch me. I didn't allow myself, because I didn't identify as somebody that could complete that deep down stuff that I wanted. But I just couldn't emotionally allow myself to receive it. So I convinced myself that I didn't have the money, I didn't have the time, and the worst of all, I don't really need it. Like Jesus Christ. And now I look back and I'm like, fuck, I wasn't broke. I was blocked. I wasn't broke, I was blocked. Look, if this episode is triggering you, that's okay. If you wanna unfollow me, unfollow me. Do do what you want. But what a coincidence. Everything can stay the same, then this could be an opportunity that trigger. Remember, a trigger is a mirror. Your triggers are your mirrors. So if this is ringing alarm bells in your brain and you are thinking, Jesus Christ, that's me. It, it should wake you up a little because again. The, the, that inner saboteur, the saboteur ceiling. She's subtle, she's quiet, she whispers, she sounds like you, she talks like you, she has your tonality, so it's very easy to miss her. Maybe this is had you saying, oh crap, maybe I do do that. So I've made that five minute short video for you. That'll help you break this down even more if you want that. DM me, the word, what did I say before? Did I say saboteur ceiling? Let's make it easier and I'll know. Either way, I'll know what it was. Um, dm me the word sabotage because that's easier to spell than saboteur. So message me on Instagram or Facebook and I'll send it straight over to you. It's free, it's short, but uh, hopefully it'll hit exactly where it needs to. Okay. This is, it was never about the food, and this episode wasn't about money. It wasn't about time. It wasn't about the thing you said you couldn't have. It was about what you're still emotionally denying yourself, because somewhere deep down, you still don't think you're allowed it. It's up to you to change that. See you next time.