63 | Raising Kind Kids: How Parenting with Compassion Can Prevent School Violence with | Teresa Ramirez

What if raising kind, compassionate children could actually help combat the violence we're seeing in schools and communities? Teresa Ramirez, dubbed the "Kindness Guru to Watch in 2025," believes it can, and she's on a mission to show parents exactly how to do it.

When Teresa talks about parents becoming the "CEO of their family," she's not suggesting a corporate approach to child-rearing. Instead, she's advocating for intentional parenting that determines what kind of people you want your children to become and creating a roadmap to get there. Through real-world examples, like the viral moment of a father choosing peace over conflict at a baseball game. Teresa demonstrates how these seemingly small moments shape our children's understanding of what matters most in life.

The beauty of Teresa's approach lies in its simplicity. You don't need extra time in your already packed schedule to foster kindness. Small acts like leaving encouraging sticky notes, practicing gratitude before bedtime, or simply teaching children to acknowledge others with a smile create ripples that extend far beyond your immediate family. And there's science backing this up, kindness actually increases serotonin levels, not just for those involved but for everyone who witnesses the interaction.

For parents of teenagers, Teresa offers practical communication strategies that go beyond the typical "How was your day?" Her three key questions, "What was the best thing that happened today?", "What didn't you like today?", and "What made you laugh?" create opportunities for meaningful conversation without feeling forced. These check-ins, especially when done during casual activities rather than formal sit-downs, help parents take the temperature of their child's emotional state and catch potential issues before they escalate.

Perhaps most powerful is Teresa's technique of "the pause", teaching children to take a breath before reacting in challenging situations. For younger kids, she uses bubbles as a playful way to practice deep breathing, while teenagers benefit from learning to step back and consider their response rather than reacting impulsively. This simple practice, when established as a habit, can prevent harmful behaviors born from unprocessed emotions.

Teresa's personal story of choosing compassion for a rude server, only to discover the woman was experiencing deep personal pain, serves as a potent reminder that "personal pain is as unique as a fingerprint." This perspective, while never condoning harmful behavior, offers a more nuanced approach to addressing conflict in our communities and schools.

Join us to discover how practicing kindness as a lifestyle can not only transform your family but potentially create ripples that merge into waves of positive change throughout our communities. As Teresa reminds us, "We have to all create that ripple of kindness in our corner of the world."

Transcript

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Welcome to Off Balance

Intro/Outro 0:01

You're listening to the Off Balance Podcast , where faith , family and business collide , hosted by Brooke Stemming , doctor of Business Administration , business Coach and Resilience Expert . Each episode features real-life conversations to help entrepreneurs like you build resilience and lead with confidence .

Dr. Brooks 0:32

Welcome back to Off Balance . I'm your host , dr Brooks . Let's be honest raising kids in today's world it takes more than good intentions . It takes strategy , faith and a whole lot of love . So if you've ever wondered how to raise kind , godly children in a culture that often rewards the opposite , then this episode is for you . My guest today is here to help us lead our families with clarity and compassion . Teresa Ramirez is a motivational speaker , kindness ambassador and a passionate advocate for today's parents , those who are determined to raise kind , godly children in a world that desperately needs compassion . Through her uplifting content , creative videos and fun with bubbles approach , teresa equips families to lead with love and parent with purpose . Whether she's sharing inspiration online , serving in her local community , her mission is clear to help parents become the CEOs of their families , creating homes filled with joy , kindness and emotional safety . Dubbed the Kindness Guru to Watch in 2025 , teresa believes that raising happier , more connected children can be a powerful antidote to the violence and

Meet Teresa Ramirez: Kindness Ambassador

Dr. Brooks 1:45

the despair that we see in school culture . Off Balance , please welcome Teresa Ramirez .

Teresa Ramirez 1:53

Hello Dr Brooks . I'm so excited to be here . Thank you for having me .

Dr. Brooks 1:57

Thank you so much for joining us . Before we dive into our conversation , can you introduce yourself to our listeners and share a little bit about who you are and the work ?

Teresa Ramirez 2:06

that you do . I am an empty nester . I have two grown sons , but I still have two fur babies , one cat and one dog , and there's like having kids . You guys know how that is . And I said I'm waiting for the cat to decide that he doesn't want me to do this anymore and come up in our faces . But anyway , and when I'm not doing that , I have a safe park behind me with walking trails , and every day the dog and I are out there in the park on the bike trail just spreading kindness .

Dr. Brooks 2:39

You often talk about parents becoming the CEO of their families . What does that mean in practical terms

Becoming CEO of Your Family

Dr. Brooks 2:46

?

Teresa Ramirez 2:46

Being the CEO of the family , you determine what philosophies and how you want your children to behave , how you want them to be brought up , what kind of people do you want them to be . And that's all about being the CEO . I have to tell you , the best example I've just seen of modeling that CEO behavior , modeling that kind behavior for your children happened over the weekend I think it was Friday and it's all over the Internet . You guys have probably already seen it but it's the Phillies-Marlin game with the baseball . And it came . Adults dove for it and the guy came up with it and gave it to his son and some woman thought it was hers and it was in the guy's face and that father , who's sitting there with the son and , I believe , a daughter , were both there made the decision look , this isn't worth it . It's a baseball , lady , you can have it , because it could have escalated so easily , because she was so aggressive . But he took that road to say what's important it's a baseball , is it worth practically coming to blows over and my kids are here . I would have endangered my kids and probably people around them , but he made that decision . It's a baseball At the bottom line . We're not fighting over a baseball . It's not worth it .

Teresa Ramirez 4:14

I think it's just the greatest example out there and it's what parents should be doing when they're modeling that behavior . Is it important ? What kind of environment do you want your children to be in the hostel ? Because he could have hung on to that thing and you know judging , but you know he didn't know it at the time but judging by her behavior afterwards , it could have got really nasty . So is that the environment you want your children to be in ? Or do you want to just say some things just aren't worth it and let it go , walk away and there's no shame in it and you've shown your son importance in life and it's not a baseball and that you can handle those really sticky situations without it escalating ?

Dr. Brooks 5:08

That's good advice . I also like that example . There is no manual when it comes to parenting , so what is one practical step that you would recommend to someone just starting out on their parenting journey ?

Small Steps to Start Kindness

Teresa Ramirez 5:22

Start small , start at home , and it can start with sticky notes on the kid's mirror . You're awesome , you rock , I appreciate you , you make me smile . All those kinds of things that can be on the bathroom mirror , on the door . You know , even by your significant other's coffee mug . You know how you treat each other . Your kids are watching all the time and they're listening . So it's just those little things . It doesn't cost anything . Number one it's simple . When you pray together as a family , pick out some of the Bible verses that talk about kindness , that talk about your words and how effective your words are and that they be kind words . All those kind of things . It's simple , easy to fill into a routine , because I know so many parents are overwhelmed . It doesn't have to be this big , huge thing . The other thing is teach your kids to smile and say hello to people .

Teresa Ramirez 6:22

I have this great example of that is a gentleman and he always laughs at me oh , that sounds great , that kind of stuff . And he worked at a parking garage . He took a long vacation but he came back and when he did his regular people that park there are like where have you been ? I've had the worst two weeks of my life and the guy's going what are you talking about ? Where have you been ? I've had the worst two weeks of my life . And the guy's going what are you talking to me ? We look forward to you smiling and saying good morning and it sets the tone for my entire day .

Teresa Ramirez 6:52

And the guys had no idea . And he came to me and he said you kindness , all about you , and that kindness , he goes . But until I experienced it , he goes . I didn't realize . So it's be aware that it's too little stuff and it is the acknowledging someone's existence and smiling and saying good morning , and those are all things you can model for your kids easily throughout the day . And it's not adding any , it's really not piling on , it's just keeping it in the forefront of your mind , being intentional and practice Lots of practice . It's not going to happen overnight , so have yourself a little forgiveness , but yeah , just practice it .

Dr. Brooks 7:38

You are so passionate just talking about parenting , talking about kindness . Can you describe to us how does it make you feel in real time when you're having those encounters with your family , your friends and your loved ones , showing them acts of kindness ?

The Science Behind Kindness

Teresa Ramirez 7:53

It's an amazing feeling , but now for me it's a lifestyle . I see it , I look for it , even subconsciously now . But for everyone else that doesn't know , if you and I exchange an act of kindness , our serotonin levels go up , and serotonin is our happy hormones , our endorphins , and if somebody observed that act of kindness between us , their serotonin levels also go up . So from one act of kindness , a whole room full of people are happier and it's really hard to start getting mad at somebody . When you're happy , it starts that ripple and it is a very real thing . A lot of people say , oh , this is nice and fluffy . There are studies to back this up , that it does influence your brain and changes the way you think . And if you're making it a practice , your whole world opens up . In my opinion and I know I have a story I can share that happened early on in my journey and now I'm like I need a fresh story . But all I see is kindness . I don't see the bad thing anymore . It's how that works . But just know that it isn't fluff . It's fluff and nice .

Teresa Ramirez 9:07

But there are studies that show this does make a difference . And when school shootings still occur , like the Minnesota , it just breaks my heart because the person that did it , because I . Always they're hurting , they're hurting and it becomes a hate crime . I want to flip that narrative and the studies show we can flip it and take it from that hate to a loving , kind , compassionate world . It takes one person at a time . It takes practice . We're not always going to get it right , but if we can reduce the school violence by one , we're already on the road to a better world for our kids . And it starts with the parents . The schools can do a lot , but if you come home and your parents aren't modeling that kind behavior , mom and dad are doing it . So I can do it .

Dr. Brooks 10:00

Let's build on that , when it comes to parents who feel overwhelmed or parents who feel discouraged in their parenting journey , and that can sometimes feel into their children , what is one mindset shift or daily habit that you would recommend to help them raise their children to be kind and to be godly children , if that's what they believe

Creating Mindset Shifts Through Gratitude

Dr. Brooks 10:22

?

Teresa Ramirez 10:22

Because the world is as it is and everything's overwhelming . Stopping at night before bed is probably a great time . Sit with your child and go with each child and , yes , this will take a little time . And then yourself gratitude each child . And yes , this will take a little time . And then yourself gratitude what do you have to be grateful for ? And it might come down because you're so overwhelmed . It might come down that I've had clean sheets , the car started today , it's sunny outside . You might have to start that thing . That's okay , there is nothing wrong with that . This is your journey in kindness . That's okay , there is nothing wrong with that . This is your journey in kindness . But if you start doing that , then the world doesn't look so bad , because you're like , wow , good things did happen today . And then teach your children to sit down and do the same thing and they're like , oh , okay , yeah , I did pass that math test . That's a good thing , because I was stressing about it . All those kinds of things . You want to flip the narrative of your own life in your mind and eventually kindness is going to be as natural as breathing and there is a huge payoff at the end . But it's just the little things . I did send you a link where parents that don't know where to start or they're overwhelmed , I have 75 acts of kindness that'll give them a place to start and that's agreed to your audience . That's anywhere from the smile and the hello all the way to planting a tree for be kind to plant a day . But you know your kids and again , do it with your kids because they can say , oh , I want to do this act today or this week . We're going to focus on this . I know people are like , okay , yeah , sure , but is it really going to do anything ? Your kids are going to be kind when you're not there .

Teresa Ramirez 12:07

Actually , my nephew he went sixth grade . At the time there was a kid in a wheelchair and he couldn't push the wheelchair and carry his cafeteria tray at the same time . So my nephew went over and said here , let me help you . Where do you want to sit ? And the kid shrugged and he said well , come sit with us . My nephew's an athlete and most of his friends are as well . Come to find out . The kid in the wheelchair knows every sports statistic out there . They became great friends and I think they were in school together for two or three years , but they all became great friends and a big supporter of each other , and all because he followed his parents' example and carried a lunch tray , helped the kid out . So that's one of the payoffs that's going to come . Your kid's going to do it when you're not watching , when you're not watching , and that's what you want and those ripples start to go .

Dr. Brooks 13:13

Because when we look at the macro picture , we can be so overwhelmed because we have a lot of things that are not in our control . Your approach to parenting

The Power of Pause with Bubbles

Dr. Brooks 13:22

includes fun , bubbles and joy . What is the importance of families being intentional to create moments of happiness ?

Teresa Ramirez 13:34

And how can that shape a child's character ? Try to encourage parents to teach their kids when they're facing those sticky situations , and we'll use the baseball game . It's a great example that man had to take a pause to figure this out . Instead of reacting back to the woman , he took a pause , and one of the best things I found to practice with a child is bubbles , Because you have to take a deep breath and blow it out and that's your pause . And if you get the bubbles out and practice with the fun and the kids are going to remember . That's just the trick . The more fun you make kindness , the more they're going to remember and it's going to really stick in their brains . And families should just be having fun together anyway .

Dr. Brooks 14:24

For those that are listening , that may have older kids and they're like Teresa bubbles is not going to work . How can they apply that principle in their family , If you have ?

Teresa Ramirez 14:34

teenagers . I found out they love Bubbles too . I did find that out and they're like okay , we can do this . But what happens if you have like teenagers and younger kids ? The teenagers will play with the Bubbles with the younger kids . Just tell them just as far as a teenager . If they're not going to have fun with bubbles , fine , but have them practice deep breathing . If you see them getting frustrated and angry about something , say , hey , take a deep breath and practice it with them , and then they're going to say , oh , okay , and then practice taking a step back . You can use that when they get frustrated and angry . Be aware and practice with them when those situations come up and then they're going to practice it and remember . But practice is huge with kindness , because you want to make it as natural as breathing and once you do , when you get to those sticky situations like the baseball game , you'll be able to automatically take that pause and respond kindly in a more rational way than , instead of , reactionary way .

Dr. Brooks 15:44

Let's build on that . If we , as parents , are more involved with our teen children , getting them to talk through their frustrations , how do you think that can connect to the violence that we're seeing in ?

Teresa Ramirez 15:55

schools , constantly checking in with your child , you're going to know what's going on in their heads . And I have three questions I always encourage parents to ask . And it's most , and I do think it's more important with your teenagers is what's the best thing that happened to you today ? And that can start when you're doing the gratitude

Communicating Effectively with Teenagers

Teresa Ramirez 16:17

journal . But then ask them what's the thing that you didn't like today ? What happened today that you weren't too crazy about ? And then the third thing is what made you laugh ? Because kids should be laughing all the time and if they're not , that's a red flag . Why didn't you laugh today ? What's going on ? And then my bonus question is what good choices did you make today ?

Teresa Ramirez 16:45

And these questions you can ask over the dinner table while you're driving them to their 101 extracurricular activities , anytime . It doesn't have to be a formal . Let's sit down and ask the questions . It doesn't have to be , and actually you'll get better responses doing it . If you're washing the dishes or loading the dishwasher together or those kinds of things , rake it now . And at least in Ohio we can start raking leaves almost already when you're doing those kinds of things . Rake it now . At least in Ohio we can start raking leaves almost already . When you're doing those kind of things , you're going to get the better answers . Those questions have helped you check in , so to speak , and you get the temperature of where your child is at .

Dr. Brooks 17:27

Those questions are open-ended , so it won't give the teenager an opportunity to say yes or no . For many parents , they may feel like their teens are just not talkative to them . What's a common mistake that you see parents make when it comes to trying to communicate with their teens , and how can they avoid making that mistake ?

Teresa Ramirez 17:43

One of the things I've seen it's the two structured . So what's going on ? Not really checking in at all , you know just kind of okay , I'm so busy , we've got this , this and this , here's our schedule , so let's keep the schedule going . Keep the schedule going , okay . Is everything ready for tomorrow ? Okay , and then the morning starts all over again and that's just the society the way it is today .

Teresa Ramirez 18:09

But if you're , I'm challenging people to change that , change your life . Take , give yourself a breather , give yourself as a parent a breather and make sure it's also important as a parent . Take that 10 , 15 minutes for yourself . I know one parent told me when I come home from work , kids are already home . I go to my room and tell them 15 minutes and someone sets a timer . The kids set a timer . She said I need 15 minutes and she goes into her room , decompresses , the timer , goes off and she comes out 15 minutes later .

Teresa Ramirez 18:43

Okay , what's on the agenda ? What are we doing ? She said I just need 15 minutes to go from work mode to mom mode and she said it makes the whole world of difference for her . So whatever that looks like for you if that means getting up 15 minutes earlier and just having that quiet cup of coffee , if that means everybody's in bed and I'm taking a hot bubble bath , whatever works for you . Give yourself time to decompress and then it's going to make it easier for you to just form a new agenda , a new schedule .

Dr. Brooks 19:21

That is good giving yourself that time to decompress . People often say that it takes 21 days to form a habit . Is this something that if they just practice over and over again and be cognizant about it , that they will be able to start making it more of a lifestyle for them ?

Teresa Ramirez 19:37

Absolutely . I did a 21 day kindness trial a couple of years ago . Same principle , same principle , and you can journal about it if that helps reinforce it . I know I had one couple when I said the CEO thing and they wanted to get their philosophies and intentions , and they said , well , we included the kids , perfect , she goes . And we said this is what we think , what do you think ? And the kids said that's all well , fine and good , but we want to add one . And they said okay , we want to remove the word hate from our vocabulary . And these are teenagers . So somewhere in their world they noticed hate from our vocabulary . And these are teenagers . So somewhere in their world they noticed hate triggers bad things all the way around , so they want to remove

Personal Journey of Kindness

Teresa Ramirez 20:19

it from their vocabulary .

Teresa Ramirez 20:22

So always include those kids in those discussions , because you never know what you're going to get . They said we were surprised , we had no idea that that was going to come out . So , yeah , just ask the kids what they think . Now , mind you , some of them are going to say I don't care , it's going to happen . Or some are going to say , well , this is what we think . You just never know what you're going to get , so try it fast .

Dr. Brooks 20:46

I can imagine that your approach to parenting , your approach to how you live your life , that people can be so resistant because they're like you're , so happy all the time . So can you share a defining moment or an experience from your personal journey of how you have been able to overcome that and still be kind to people ?

Teresa Ramirez 21:08

Yeah , because I can go back on my journey in the early days and I had a situation I went to lunch with a friend and cute little local bistro love it . And server comes up what do you want ? We had a couple questions about the menu , I don't know . I was just told to come over , take your order . What do you want ? And I'm telling you I'm not exaggerating . So we went ahead and placed our order and it came and everything was fine .

Teresa Ramirez 21:45

But I don't think she refilled a coffee or water when the meal was over , slammed the bill on the table . We're like this is just not good . And my friend and I actually sat back because she was ready to call the manager now . And we had every right to call the manager because she was bad . It was bad , it really was bad . And I'm like I'm just not feeling that . And she's like what do you mean ? And I said let's not call the manager she's . And so what I did ? We went ahead and paid , tipped her a normal tip and then on the receipt I put a smiling face and you are designed to shine . We gathered our stuff , walked on out the door . Well , lo and behold , she's chasing us into the parking lot and I'm like , is she going to yell some more ? And I turned and she's crying . Tears are just running down her face and she says thank you , I needed to hear that today . And turns around and walks back in the restaurant .

Teresa Ramirez 23:04

And that was my epiphany moment , where personal pain is as unique as a fingerprint . You do not know what someone is going through , so always be kind . And it comes back to . I don't know why I was dead set At that point in time kindness was not as natural as breathing for me and I was still working on it , it wasn't a lifestyle and why I just did not feel that we needed to call . We could have , obviously , within our rights , called the manager , but I just kept saying no , no , and I didn't know what . We didn't know what she was going through , we just thought she was being real cranky . But yeah , you don't know what people are going through , and that's the same thing .

Teresa Ramirez 23:53

And people don't like it when I say this and I'm not saying I am not condoning this at all , I'm not condoning bullying at all but what is going on in the bully's life ? And people don't like to hear that , but you have to think that way . What was going on in that shooter's life in Minnesota , minneapolis . We've got to flip the narrative . We have got to flip that narrative because all of it is hate crimes . When it comes down to it , it's all hate crimes . And we can flip that narrative because all of it's hate crimes . When it comes down to it , it's all hate crimes . And we can flip that narrative . We just have to do it together and we have to all create that ripple of kindness in our corner of the world . And when those ripples merge together , it's going to create a wave that floats right across this country and all that violence is going to go . But we have to be willing to give it a try .

Dr. Brooks 24:52

I do think it's very important to have compassion and empathy , even for the bully , even for the aggressor , because at the end of the day , they're still human and we have to be willing to hear what's going on with them , or even to dig a little deeper . So that is so important . When it comes to the listeners today and they listen to all the things that you unpack what is one thing that you can leave them with ? A strategy to help them to be able to transition their mindset into just being more kind in their day to day walk .

Teresa Ramirez 25:25

And so just being more kind in their day-to-day walk . I think my best strategy is the pause , because that's going to stop it , because the payoff is reacting kind in those sticky situations . Change your perception , use humor and , like the baseball guy he just said , I'm walking away , it's not worth it . So those are all those things , but it takes practice . So practice your pause and that's going to give you those two seconds , so where you can think and not react .

Dr. Brooks 26:00

You have such good strategies . Do you coach people on ?

Teresa Ramirez 26:03

kindness . Yes , I do . I actually talk to PTAs . Any parenting organization Shoot , I talked to a rotary club not that long ago . But all of those things , I talk to all of them and it's a simple , straightforward process . Build the foundation , make it as natural as breathing , go into bringing the community into it . Collecting socks for the homeless , new socks for the homeless you only have to buy one pair and if you have a whole soccer team , you can end up with thousands and from there then you go into the payoff of watching your children be kind and then being able to act kindly in those sticky situations , with the changing your

Final Thoughts and Strategies

Teresa Ramirez 26:43

perception , use of humor , and sometimes it's just not worth it .

Dr. Brooks 26:48

I am going to make sure that I have all of your contact information in the description of this episode , because just talking to you , I feel so motivated to go out and put a smile on someone's face . I want everyone to be able to experience that with you . I have thoroughly enjoyed you . You light up a room , right . I thank you so much for your perspective , your mindset and the way that you just want the world to be a better place . I am encouraging all of the listeners to slow down and take a moment before you react and have compassion and empathy . Again , teresa , thank you so much for joining us on Off .

Teresa Ramirez 27:25

Balance . Thank you so much for having me . It's been a pleasure for me as well .

Intro/Outro 27:32

Thanks for listening . Please rate this episode and share it with your family and friends . To learn more about your host or to book a coaching session , visit wwwbrooksdemmingcom . Until next time , rise .