82 | Over 40 and Unapologetic with Diva Tonight host | Carlene Humphrey

What if forty isn’t a cliff but a clean pivot? We sit down with Carlene, host of Diva Tonight, to unpack the messy, liberating middle of life when your back pops, your boundaries harden, and your priorities get honest. From surprise doctor visits to surprise clarity, she shares how health scares, a toxic workplace, and a pandemic reset pushed her to claim her voice and rebuild a career on her own terms.

We dig into real-world health advocacy, from navigating fibroids and low iron to the emotional calculus of trying for a baby in your forties. Carlene makes the case for second opinions, knowing your family history, and keeping receipts on your own symptoms. Then we switch gears to work: doubling workloads without noticing, the hidden cost of “being a team player,” and the courage to say no when the job starts to cost your life. Her safety net strategy, small wins, and commitment to consistency offer a blueprint anyone can use to restart a creative project or launch a podcast.

Collaboration becomes our power move. Instead of fighting over one seat, we trade introductions, share playbooks, and grow faster together. Carlene’s story—securing dream guests, pausing and returning stronger, planning seasons around what listeners actually need, shows how community outperforms clout. We close on self-compassion: catching negative self-talk, doing the internal work, and starting fresh tomorrow if today fell apart. If you’re craving purpose, stronger boundaries, and a kinder approach to improvement, this conversation will meet you where you are and help you move forward.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a quick review so more people can find these stories. Your one action helps this community grow.

Business & HR Clarity Audit 

Tiffany Brown Designs
Tiffany Brown is a graphic and brand designer, film and video editor, and Generative AI Artist who h

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_00 0:01

You're listening to the Off Balance Podcast, where faith, family, and business collide. Hosted by Brooke Deming, Doctor of Business Administration, Business Coach, and Resilience Expert. Each episode features real-life conversations to help entrepreneurs like you build resilience and lead with confidence.

Why Start A Podcast At Forty

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Welcome back to Off Balance. I'm your host, Dr. Brooks. Today on Off Balance, we're joined by Carleen, the host of Diva Tonight, a podcast that's all about honest conversation, personal growth, and real stories from women, entrepreneurs across the United States and Canada. In this episode, we're talking about what it really means to turn 40, the shift in identity, priorities, and purpose that often comes with it. We're exploring how this milestone can become a turning point rather than a crisis. So off balance, please help me. Welcome to the show, Carlene. Hi. Hi, Carly. Thank you so much for joining me today. It is such a pleasure to have you. Can you just tell us exactly what it is that you do?

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Yeah, I host the podcast, Diva, tonight. I have a background in radio. I went to school for radio broadcasting years ago. I also have another podcast called Not Magnation. I was turning 40 and my friend gave me an idea. And he was, I think it'd be interesting to talk to women who are in their 40s. And I'm like, you know what? That's a good idea. And so I wrote the idea down, and here we are. You know, what they do say is true. I find in my last year of my 30s, I started like thinking about that's when a lot was changing. I was moving, and then I had to figure a few things out. And I had this moment where I finally realized where my career path is supposed to be. I have a turning point. The 30s are like your stepping stones to figuring out who you are and you're comfortable in your own skin. And I definitely feel like I'm the kind of person now where if I'm walking and I hear I'm listening to my music and I feel like dancing as I'm walking, I don't care anymore. Whereas before, be like, oh, other people are looking at me. So definitely more comfort.

First Surprises Of Midlife

SPEAKER_02 2:33

Yeah, that's interesting because I can remember when I was turning 40, I don't know, I was a little bit afraid, but then I was like excited because you can see women in their 40. They seem to be liberated. And so there was a little fear and it was excitement. So for you, what surprised you most about stepping into that new decade?

Health Advocacy And Fertility Realities

SPEAKER_01 2:52

All the doctor's appointments. I tell you right now, I probably, if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have even thought I would see the gynecologist the amount of times that I have. I've done more tests than I care to speak about, and the aches and pains are true. Dr. Brooks, I remember last year, maybe one time where I was, I woke up and my, I swear I pulled a back muscle, and I'm like, oh my gosh, it's hurting really bad. Am I gonna go to work today? And I was just like, I made it, but yeah, like the aches and pains is true. So definitely some stuff there. Okay, so Diva tonight, I started it because I couldn't find work in radio. I decided, you know what, let me work on the podcast. So during the pandemic, I went back to business boot camp, and my one podcast idea didn't, after doing all the research, it didn't work out as planned. So then I decided to go back to the original idea with the relationship podcast because a lot of people can relate to that, and that's why I started it again.

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Yeah, I'm glad you started it. I had an opportunity to listen to some of your episodes, and it was very interesting to me. So, what themes or struggles do you recognize that come up the most when you talk to women that are over 40?

SPEAKER_01 4:18

I've talked to 24 women so far, and I never in my wildest dreams thought, like when I started this, that it was gonna be ongoing. I have to say, like, I've talked to a pharmacologist, I've talked to a coach, and I think the struggle for women is their health, or a lot of struggle with having a baby at this stage in your life, because you have to be like your own advocate for yourself. No one is coming to save you. And so I find a lot of things happen while you're pregnant or like trying to have a baby. So I think that's the one challenge for sure, is if you're looking at yourself at 40, 41, like that doesn't mean it's the end. Like you don't have to give up on wanting to have a baby. It might be a little bit harder, but that doesn't mean that's the stopping point. If you saw a doctor and that doctor didn't give you the suggestion, there's another doctor. Find someone else because I've been to see two gynecologists, and you have to be your own cheerleader. Like the medical system is only gonna give you so much information.

Burnout, Overwork, And Boundaries

SPEAKER_02 5:33

Sometimes it can be difficult to advocate for yourself, especially if you trust or you feel like the doctor is the expert. So when it comes to having it all with giving yourself grace in the season, what does that look like?

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Ooh, having it all. It's having a self-compassion for yourself. I'm actually taking a course on self-compassion because you know what? As someone with a Caribbean background, I think a lot of women can relate to this. Like, we are striving to do so much, and like you can't do it all. Dr. Brooks, I was a year ago from now, I was working two jobs and I had a podcast, and yeah, I didn't even realize I feel like I burnt out and I was trying to do everything. You can't do everything. You really have to try and balance it out because eventually it's oh my gosh, like I'm tired. I'm always tired, and something falls through the cracks when you're trying to do it all in this day and age. And I think as a culture, like we're taught to work hard. And sometimes I have to tell you, working hard and trying to do the best you can is probably what's the word, when you start a new job, you're always thinking, like in my mind, and I know a lot of black people or people from the Caribbean, I find like we're hardworking people. But sometimes we have to scale back because when I started working for this one company, I started off with only 10 tasks. I double my workload in six months. And I could not believe it when I actually wrote down everything that I was doing. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm doing all this. No wonder I'm so overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_02 7:16

I think sometimes when we're in the middle of being overworked, overstimulated, I don't think we recognize it. So, what was that defining moment for you that made you realize you were doing a lot? Working two jobs, doing a podcast, trying to take care of home.

The Wake-Up Call And Priorities

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Yeah, I don't even think I realized it until one of the jobs started to suffer, where it's what's more important, like my health or the job, right? And even before I turned 40 at 39, I had a wake-up call when I ended up, I had to go to the urgent care. And because I my iron levels was so low, I had a health scare. And that was the turning point at that stage. But even still, as someone who is single and not married, I think that's for me where you're like, okay, now I have to be mindful of what I'm gonna do next and what's important to me and what I have to focus on because you can have a great family and everything like that. My sisters are very helpful, and so is my aunt. She came to help me, but at the end of the day, it's me. I have to take care of me. And yeah, it's definitely a lot of moments where I think back, I'm like, maybe I could have done this differently, but you can't go back, but you can move forward and improve from there.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Yeah, that leads perfectly into my next question. Looking at your life now, what are some things that you wish you would have known in your 20s and 30s to better prepare yourself for your 40s?

Career Pivots And Toxic Workplaces

SPEAKER_01 8:49

I wish I had known my family history when it comes to health. I find a lot of things that don't get spoken about. I'm gonna be quite open and honest. Like fibroids is common in a lot of women, not only from the Caribbean, but I wish I had known that to look for it because that's what the health scare was. And then now I feel like had I known, maybe I would have changed certain things, like in terms of my diet and everything like that. But it is definitely a learning curve now. And yeah, it's one of those things where I feel like it's generational, where every family tends to do that. And so there's nothing you can do now. Another thing I would say to myself in terms of changing is that if people are seeing, they're giving advice in terms of your gifts, listen a little bit more. I had a few other people that saw my gifts and I didn't really tune in until I think I felt like more clarity, but some people are actually seeing your talents and you don't always realize. And I feel like sometimes you have to listen to people who uh see something that you don't see.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

Yeah, I think listening is definitely important because I know throughout the years I've changed careers a lot. If I would have just listened early on, I probably would have not gone through so many challenges and hiccups as it relates to my career. So, what was the moment that pushed you towards that mindset where you're gonna just live for yourself and you're not going to worry about other people?

SPEAKER_01 11:14

When I got laid off from the administrative job, that's when I had a turning point where I'm like, you know what? I think I'm gonna have to look at what my goals are and what I'm really good at. At the end of the day, I have to do what makes me happy. And I enjoyed having a podcast and talking to guests and just even talking to you. It's very interesting. It's true because I just even hearing you say that you've changed your career so many times. I've been in retail 10 years. I know I'm good with people, but the thing is, I think it's timing. Like timing, a little bit of timing and a little bit of luck because there's been opportunities that came up, and had they come up earlier, I would have gone through with it. But I and another thing, I think sometimes when you ask me a few things, I feel like I'm stepping off, but getting back to the original thought with grass when I worked at the construction company as the receptionist and the admin. And when I finally got laid off, I was a very toxic work environment. When I got laid off, and everything happened all at once. It couldn't have been the worst time closer to Christmas. Like that's when everything was like, you know what? I am not going to apply for another job because I need money. But sometimes you end up doing that, and then you're caught in this what do you call it, on the wheel again, like a hamster wheel, like we're running the rat race. You know what I mean? That's not necessarily the only thing that is important. You have to have your everyday job, but you still have to be focused on what makes you happy, what you're passionate about.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

I can definitely relate because I'm at that space in my life to where I'm not settling anymore. So, what made you not have fear when it came to your not rushing into a different position?

Fear, Backup Plans, And Persistence

SPEAKER_01 13:05

I always have a backup. So my backup is my part-time job. And so I've been there for five years. It was scary. I'm not gonna lie. Even now, I'm gonna be honest with you, this podcast is making me a little bit of money, but it's not where I want to be right now. But when I did it, when I tried the first time, everything worked out. Everything was in place. My editor, my designer, everything came together. And then I've had people ask me about the podcast when I stopped it. So I feel at this point where I'm like, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Even if I'm gonna struggle, like we're gonna struggle through the whole process because this is just who I am. I feel like if anything were to happen to me tomorrow, at least I've I've left something in the online world for others to hear. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 13:54

So, speaking of your podcast with the shift in industries and all of the changes, where do you see your podcast in the next five years?

SPEAKER_01 14:02

I feel like AI is changing the way the industry is, but I still think like in the next five years, I still feel that people are still gonna be listening to podcasts five years from now. It might be different where they're listening to it from because of the advance in technology, but I feel like we're at a pivoting point where AI is advancing technology and making it easier for me and you to do administrative tasks and to help us do the tasks that give us more time with others. But I still feel like when it comes to our hobbies and things that we like to do, I still see that people are still gonna listen to podcasts, maybe not as much because radio is changing, but there are still those people that like to do listen to podcasts because you can listen to a podcast while you're doing this. You definitely give me food for thought because I definitely have to think about five years from now, like how things will be. But as far as where I am, I hope that in five years that I have built a community of people who tune in and find what I'm doing important, like I'm helping one person at a time.

The Future Of Podcasting And Community

SPEAKER_02 15:18

And that is really good because I got an opportunity to listen to some of your episodes, and you're really good at what you do. I really do hope that you plan those five years because you're definitely making an impact. Many of my listeners they struggle with collaboration and building those relationships. What advice can you give them about that? Being that you are so connected and involved with just the relationships of women.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

I feel like we are always competing. And I feel like we shouldn't compete because I've collaborated with one guest, and I I have to say, like Dr. Amy Beckley, I'm gonna say her name because she went on, she's been on my show and trying to coordinate to have her come back on, but I could not believe it. Sometimes when you ask for help or information, Dr. Brooks, people will provide help. Like sometimes it's the last person you expect to give you help. But I feel as women, I hope that if you're listening, you will not give up on collaborating with others because we all have a goal in mind. And if we're always competing against each other, then we're not gonna advance the way we want to. But someone has to believe in me. So you're on, I'm on your show. And if you didn't say yes, then we wouldn't be here now. And I feel like if I can help you progress, then it's gonna help me in the long run. Like this is not a competition, it shouldn't be. But unfortunately, that's how it is sometimes. Cause I've had some guests where I'm like, they've said some things about, oh, why are you doing this? And there's always that question, right?

SPEAKER_02 16:59

Yeah, I don't know why women we feel like we have to compete. It's always because I know in corporate, they make us feel like it's only one slot, one position for us. And may the best girl win. And that is so not true. And so I just hope one day we can get past the need to compete and just really start collaborating. Because I think if we can collaborate, we'll be more powerful as a gender.

Collaboration Over Competition

SPEAKER_01 17:21

Oh, yeah. There's a state already. It's already is there's a state. I think it's in where is it? Is it in is it Massachusetts? I can't remember the state, but I saw it. It's a woman-run state, the schools are run by women, like they're already ahead of it. You know what I mean? I was like, this is so cool. Because like women can be caddy. I'm not gonna lie. I worked, I remember when I worked at Ann Taylor and it was all female staff, and they were so catty. And I'm just like, I listen, you're a shift lead, I get it, but you don't make that much more money than me. So I don't understand why you have to be like this.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

Yeah, we could definitely be caddy. And so I am like so impressed because you have had your podcast almost five years.

SPEAKER_01 18:08

Not five full years, but I started five years ago. And so now we're I'm at a hundred episodes and it's been like a roller coaster ride. And Dr. Brooks, they say consistency is important. And if I had to change anything, I would have not stopped because who knows where it would have been right now. But I do have to say that a lot of podcasters in the US are so helpful by platforms on them. Yeah. So it's five years and it's been an interesting five years in the 12 months of this podcast journey than I did the year before. So I'm very grateful to how it's gone so far.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

Yeah, because even though you stopped for a short moment, what made you realize, okay, I just need to build?

Consistency, Breaks, And Big Wins

SPEAKER_01 18:58

It's because I saw another podcaster. What actually gave me the momentum to let go when I stopped and then I was online and I was listening to another podcast that I follow, and I was like, you know what? I need to get back at this. And what's interesting is that moment. So with Num Ignation, that was like my in-between. So when I finally got my idol, oh my gosh. So my goal, Dr. Brooks, Karani James, he is the only Olympic man of this for Grenada. So, like when I had him on the podcast, that was my moment where I'm like, this is happening. Like, people are humbled. And for me, like he even said, He's like, I didn't know you were nervous. I'm like, you have no idea how I was keeping it together. I was trying, but I was so nervous. I'm like, oh my God, Karate James is like, he's not in the same room, but like I'm interviewing him. And for me, that was my moment where I'm like, I have to do this. And then even my uncle, like, he was he's not someone that's likes to be in the limelight. But when I spoke to him and he saw like my passion with podcasting, and he was like so interested in it, that was when it was like, Yeah, I have to do this for the long.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

So if you have someone that's listening and they can sit in it on the back corner, they're like, they want to start the podcast, but then they hear people say it's oversaturated or you know, no one's going to listen. What advice can you give them?

SPEAKER_01 20:22

Make a plan. I think it's having your goal in mind first, and then if your idea is different and you you want to start, just start. If this is something that you're supposed to do, then you're gonna do it. It doesn't matter. It's not even just podcasting, it's like any goal that you have in mind. When I look at like Michael Phelps and I watch him, he's Like the only Olympic athlete that has made so many strides, and I don't even know if he thought he would make it that far, but like we have to believe in ourselves. And if you have one as a podcaster, I have one friend who believed in me, Dr. Brooks. And if you have one person who believes in your goals and your dreams, you can keep at it. Because if it wasn't for my friend Kasen, I don't know if I would have gotten this far, but he's been my champion. They said, like they said, all you need is one person to believe in you and what you want to do. And yeah, don't give up. I know it's it is oversaturated. It's true, but you have to be that one person, yeah, that believes in yourself enough to do it. It only takes one.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

And sometimes that one person is yourself. So I'm glad you talked about that. And so your podcast, again, you're helping so many women have those conversations that we generally don't talk about. So, what's next for you? Like, how do you see your work impacting people in the future?

Getting Started Despite Saturation

SPEAKER_01 21:54

We are, Diva, tonight. Like, I'm already done for the year. I couldn't believe it. I'm done for I've already like the show's already planned. And so 2024, I feel like the next year, 2026, sorry. My goal is to cover like subjects that haven't been covered on the show within the last year. And I feel like I can go on and on with the series. I feel like season four is still gonna be with women in their 40s and even 50s. And I hope to like maybe have some more male representation on the show too, to talk to men in their 40s, because it's always been about like women in their 40s. We get the shine for this, but I feel like we need to talk to men too and find out where they're at with this. But my whole mission is to educate, because I feel like I always want to teach others certain things to be your own advocate, to be your own person to say, I'm gonna do this, because I feel like in the last year, I've had to like always do my own research and ask the questions. And because if you don't do it, no one else will. But yeah, my whole goal is with the show next year for sure is to cover subjects that are just as important now. There's the health concerns, there's all these different things that we could cover for women, and that way other women feel comfortable enough to ask more questions from their doctor.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

The episode that I listened to was about the prenup. And that was a really good episode because prenups is something that some people cringe when they hear the word prenup. And a lot of times we see contingency when you know when we talk about prenup, I was like, wow, you're really touching on things that people don't really know about, but it has a negative stigma with it. So I am definitely excited to see where you're going with it in 2026. What is one thing that you want people to take away from your presence on the show today?

What’s Next For Diva Tonight

SPEAKER_01 24:07

You know what? The one thing I do want them to take away from is that number one, you are in charge of your goals and your passions and what you do with yourself. And if there's one thing I want you to take away, is taking care of yourself. I'm doing more work on myself this year than I've ever done before. I'm taking a self-compassion workshop. And I thought like I'd done a lot of work on myself, Dr. Brooks, but there's still work to be done. We're always gonna be working on ourselves. And as a woman of faith, I have to say to you, kudos to you for what you do. But there's a lot of things that like we're not taught to do. And I think like it's important to be comfortable in your own skin. And if you have any trauma, if you have any issues, you need to work through those things because you're gonna project it in other stages, in other relationships. It's gonna come up, it's gonna show up everywhere. So, unless you deal with those things, eventually it's gonna come up in one way or another, and it'll be a surprise. You know what I mean? So I feel like if you have issues, if you have trauma, you need to work through it. As someone who's at this stage in my life, like self-improvement is so important.

SPEAKER_02 25:29

And you mentioned that you're taking a self-compassion class. What are you learning in that class?

SPEAKER_01 25:34

That I have to not do the negative self-talk. I do that a lot, and I think we all do. Like you were, I'm so hard on myself. Yeah, and you don't realize how much negative self-talk we've been exposed to in a dysfunctional household. Like, I there's certain things that I've realized in this mindful self-compassion that like I'm like, wow. Like it's bringing up stuff from like when I was a kid and I didn't even realize it.

SPEAKER_02 26:10

Well, kudos to you for doing the work. I think sometimes doing the work is the hardest because we have to be vulnerable. And I think vulnerability is very difficult, especially if you were not taught how to regulate emotions, if you wasn't taught how to like process things as children. And so sometimes when we transition and getting older, so if I have someone listening and they want to listen to your podcast, or if they want to reach out and connect with you, what are some of your platforms that they can reach you with? What are some of your platforms?

Self-Work, Faith, And Healing

SPEAKER_01 26:41

Yeah, I'm on Instagram, the gram Diva on the radio. So D with two eyes, D-I-I-V-A on the radio, and I'm on TikTok, same Diva on the radio. I'm across all platforms. You can follow me on there or even send me an email. I'd love to hear from you. Tell me what you think about the show. If there's anything that I should cover, but this has been great. I am so grateful to you and I'm glad I made it. You know what I mean? I'm gear. Like they say, I have arrived, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:12

Yeah, I'm so happy that we got an opportunity to connect because after I listened to some of your episodes, I was like, I have to get her on this show. I will make sure that I have all of your contact information in the show notes so that people can reach out to you so that they can link up and listen to your podcast because your podcast is amazing. And so, guys, make sure you check out Diva tonight. She is doing some amazing things over there. As we wrap up, what is one piece of advice you want to leave them with? What's that one piece of advice that you want to leave the listeners with?

SPEAKER_01 27:43

Every day is not gonna be a perfect day. Like if today didn't go out, but I have tomorrow. You can start fresh tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 27:52

That is really good advice, guys. So listen, shake it off. Whatever happened today, that's in that's today, right? You're gonna start fresh tomorrow. So again, Carlene, thank you so much for joining me. You have been such a pleasure, and you are welcome back to the show in the world.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

Thank you so much, Dr. Bruce. Thank you again. No, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 28:12

Thanks for listening. Please rate this episode and share it with your family and friends. To learn more about your host or to book a coaching session, visit www.brooksdemming.com. Until next time, rise.