Unveiling the Power of Self-Reflection: A 'Dear Younger Me' Discovery Journey

Embarking on a heartfelt expedition into the caverns of my past, I extend an intimate invitation to you: discover the untold power of addressing our younger selves. This week's Pep Talk Podcast unveils my own 'Dear Younger Me' letter, an act of raw vulnerability and a testament to the transformative magic of reflective wisdom. As we wade through the depths of my life's narrative, I encourage you to pen your own missive, unraveling your story's threads to weave a tapestry of self-awareness and healing. Together, let's foster a movement of personal growth and embrace the pep squad spirit, where every individual's tale becomes a shared beacon of inspiration.

Join me as I traverse the winding roads of an ever-changing career landscape, from the sparks of welding to the enlightenment of teaching, revealing that the true essence of our journey is not in the destination but in the courage to explore the unknown. I confront the shadows of my past, including the struggle with pornography, finding strength in the choices that lead us toward the light. This episode isn't merely a narration of my evolution; it's a clarion call to honor your story, recognizing that each chapter holds the potential to influence and uplift others. Embolden your belief in your narrative's worth, for it's precisely in the sharing that we all find connection and purpose.

Chapters

• 0:01 Letter to My Younger Self
• 7:37 Letter of Reflection and Self-Acceptance
• 17:14 Embrace Paths, Share Your Story

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

On this episode of the pep talk podcast. I want to invite you to take a trip with me way back Back in time. I'm so cheesy, but before we start I have a question for you. Have you had your dose of pep today? No, don't worry, I've got you. Now let's go.

Speaker 1: 0:28

I want to welcome you to season two, episode 23, of the pep talk podcast. I am your host, coach Jay, a life coach in the Dallas, fort Worth area of Texas, and I'm just so glad to have you here. Y'all know the mission of this podcast is to cheer you on and to coach you up, and that's what we do. We bring the pep every Monday so that you have something to reflect on, something that encourages you, something that empowers you and motivates you as you go through the rest of the week. And for those of you who keep coming back week after week to hang out with us and to listen to the message that we really think about, I'm so thankful for you and I am honored. I'm honored that you would choose out of all of your time just to spend some time hanging out with us here on the pep talk podcast. If you're watching on YouTube, be sure to hit that subscribe button and to hit the notification button so that you're able to uh, to catch every episode, not miss a single one. If you were listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to hit that rating and leave a review, a five star review. Let us know that you like what we are doing. Y'all, we appreciate you so much. We appreciate you so much. Thank you for hanging with us and if you're new to the podcast, you are officially deputized as a member of the pep squad.

Speaker 1: 1:48

You may ask yo, what is a pep squad? It's simple. A pep squad is simply us making the choice that we're going to be the change. We're going to be the hope dealers. We're going to be the hope bringers. We're going to bring the encouragement to people. We're going to be that rising tide that lifts every single ship. All right. So for this episode of the podcast, it's going to be a little bit different. It's going to have a little bit more of. It's going to have a different vibe, uh, than the other podcasts before it have.

Speaker 1: 2:23

And I'm going to be quite honest with you that this might not be an episode for everybody, but I'm going to tell you why I'm doing this episode of the podcast the way that I'm doing it. Hopefully you'll stick with me through the entirety of it because I think that it can be helpful. Um, so, this is going to be probably the most transparent and vulnerable episode of a podcast that I have ever done or of a blog that I've ever written, because in this episode, I am going to be reading to you a dear younger me letter. Why, why, why, why would I subject myself, possibly to judgment, possibly to humiliation, possibly to people listening to this and saying, or clutching their pearls or whatever? Why would I do this? So I was speaking with a colleague the other day and then her classroom she was having her students to write a dear younger me letter and she told me that as she was writing this letter, students were coming up to her and saying, wow, miss this, this is real. I didn't expect this to have the impact on me. Uh, that that it's having and I. It struck a chord with me because I've done this exercise before, but it's been probably a decade or two since I've actually done it.

Speaker 1: 3:45

And now, as a 43 year old man looking back across my life, if I could communicate to the younger me, there are things that I would say now that I wouldn't have said 10 or 20 years ago. There are things that I would address now that I wouldn't have addressed 10 or 20 years ago, and as I was reading, kind of you know, about these dear younger me letters and their impact and their benefits, um, one of the things that stuck out to me in an article that I read was that a dear younger me letter is therapeutic without sitting in front of a therapist. Now I know that in the age that we live in, therapy is welcome. Therapy is touted. You've heard me touted here on the pep talk podcast. I strongly, strongly believe in the benefits of therapy, um, but I also know that everybody does not have the same access to it, and so what I know about writing a letter to my younger self is that it allows me to deal with issues that I may not have actually taken the time to sat down to deal with, and so I want you to know that me doing this on the podcast is not self serving, it's not self aggrandizing, it's not me looking for kudos, is not looking for a pat on the back. Quite, simply.

Speaker 1: 5:13

Here's the reason why I'm doing this. Every episode, I come on and I tell you that you have to do the work. I tell you that, in order to be your best self, it's not enough to sit on your laurels Every day. You have to wake up and commit to being your best self. Me doing this episode is me doing the work, and the reason why I'm doing it on this podcast is because I want you to see who coach J is, where coach J has been, what I've overcome and what I've come to accept about myself.

Speaker 1: 5:48

Now, what I'm hoping that you get from all of this it's simple and it's not simple, but what I hope that you get out of this number one is that you need to write a letter to your younger self, because there are things that you have not dealt with that you need to bring out into the open and at least, if you can't get to a therapist, you talk yourself through it. But, number two, I think what I want you to get out of this is that, in the end, no matter what you've been through as a child not comparing stories, because I used to always think that my story growing up wasn't as bad as somebody else's story. I didn't grow up on the streets, I wasn't hungry, any of those things, so I used to think that because I didn't have that major trauma in my life, my story did not deserve to be told. And as I was writing this letter, what I realized, really for one of the first times in my life, is that I may not have endured trauma as a child, but things that I did not deal with are things that I circle back over in my mind and I talk back over in my mind now as a 43 year old man, and I think that a part of coming to mental and emotional health, health in our heads and health in our hearts, is having those difficult discussions with ourselves where we commit to working through things and not sweeping things into the back of our minds or repressing things, because, y'all, when we repress things, it's like opening a pressure cooker in an incorrect way. It leaves a mess, and it leaves a mess that takes a lot of time and effort to clean up.

Speaker 1: 7:37

And so I'm going to read my letter and I'm going to open myself up and I'm going to be absolutely vulnerable and transparent with all of you, because y'all, pep Squad, y'all are my people, y'all are my family, and I hope, I hope that you will just rock through this episode with me, because I believe that in doing this, my hope is that, as I unlock myself, that something about my story, something about my letter will lead you to sit down and engage in the process, so that you're able to begin to truly see yourself clearly as well. And I say it all the time clarity is everything, it is absolutely everything, and the clarity that I've gotten from writing this letter to myself it's going to, it's going to reap benefits, and I know that you know my children are going to hear this, my wife is going to hear this, people that really know me are going to hear this, and I'm not afraid anymore. I'm just not afraid of it anymore. So here we go, and if I get emotional, don't y'all clown me, or clown me either way, it doesn't matter. I might even clown myself, but hey, this is me, this is me. So here it goes.

Speaker 1: 8:55

Dear younger me, we're 43 now. That's insane, right. We've been together for over a decade with children, married 20 years. We have five kids, that's right, five of them jokers, I know. We never, ever thought that we would have five kids. So to see them actually alive and doing relatively well as a whole trip, it's actually a vibe. I can imagine that your eyes are bugging out right now, but, trust me, you're a good dad and husband and you beat yourself up a lot because you can't give them the life you know that they deserve yet, but it's okay, and I think that this is the reason why I'm writing you this letter and jumping into this literary time machine. It's because you need to know that, while things aren't going to be what you wanted them to be, things are going to be okay.

Speaker 1: 9:46

Remember, in our high school yearbook, in the section where we wrote about what we want, where we thought we would be in the next five, 10 years, we wrote that we would be married, we would have our dream car, a Mitsubishi Eclipse, and that we would be making $70,000 per year, which is not a lot of money right now, please, please believe. And our pet would be a white tiger. Well, we have a dog, a black, golden doodle named Beauty, who likes to run away. So, not quite a white tiger, but we've always been a dreamer and I hope that you keep that. In my opinion, it's the best part about you, and while life will try to steal that part of you away repeatedly, I need you to fight every day to hold on to it, because if you lose it, you will be lost, and those times will be dark, because I've lived them, so I know it. So I want to address some things about us that I hope you'll use as positive fuel, and as I was writing this, I thought about where I wanted to start. This is going to sound really harsh, but I need you to quit living for the acceptance of people around you. It's imperative that you accept yourself, and here's how I know that you don't.

Speaker 1: 11:08

In eighth grade, remember when we told everybody that we were the last black prince of Scotland. Remember how we produced letters from the king of Scotland certifying our royalty and we actually fooled some people, including the girl that you were really trying to impress, and how it all blew up in your face. You lied in order to get what you want, because you were lying to yourself about who you were. So you thought that you didn't amount to much and that you had to fabricate an identity because your actual identity wasn't enough. And I get it. We still struggle with that some now, but we've learned that being uniquely us is the superpower that endures and strengthens us. All of those days spent creating Lego worlds and playing out every person's story. Instead of using that creativity to fool yourself and others, use it to solve problems.

Speaker 1: 12:05

You were a liar as a child, even as a young adult, and I see that now. And it's not until you learn that who you are is okay, that sensitive, deep feeling, deep thinking, isolation, loving, yet also isolation, hating, afraid of rejection person. When you finally accept that you are okay and loved just as you are, then your life is going to open up in some pretty amazing ways. Second, your gift of encouragement is incredible. I know it stems from a desire for nobody to feel as alone and unwanted as you did, through no fault of anybody else, because you were hyper loved, but something in our head and our heart always told us that we were too different to be known. So we hid. But we never wanted anybody else to have to hide and so we always had something nice to say about other people and this goes back to lying to ourselves.

Speaker 1: 13:05

But remember taking all of those. But remember taking all of those gift inventory assessments and lying on them in order to come out with gifts and talents that you thought others would find impressive. You thought having nice words to say to others and about others was as weak a thing as anybody can have. You thought it was unimpressive, but if you knew then what I know now, you would know that there might be no more powerful effect that you can have on a person than speaking words that spark life and light into their lives. It's not an addictive feeling, but it feels like nothing else. As a matter of fact, bro, we have a podcast, a whole podcast, and check this out. We have over 50 total episodes. People actually listen to us and guess what the entire premise of this podcast is? It's encouragement, and every week we turn on a mic and record episodes where we speak to people from our hearts because we want them. We really want them to be better and to accept the greatness in themselves. Jay, I need you to start now learning to do that for yourself, because if you do not, you will spend most of our lives telling other people how great they are without believing that it applies to you. That will be sad, and we will be sad, and in the end, we'll be okay.

Speaker 1: 14:40

Third, let's talk about the elephant in the room Biological parents. So by now you know who your biological mother is. You've been around her all of your life, but you called her sister instead of mother. It's kind of a family secret, but we find out the truth when we are about 13 or 14. But we pack it away and we just keep living. Then in college, you meet your biological dad formally. I remember sitting in that red lobster, being so angry that a one-on-one lunch with your sister became an introduction to your dad. Then you meet your wife later and she won't marry you unless you know where you come from. And so you begin the process of meeting that other side of us and suddenly it feels like, ah, so much in your life makes sense.

Speaker 1: 15:33

And when our paternal grandfather dies and we are in the funeral, it feels like we could have been best friends with him. And then we feel robbed when our biological father can't kick an addiction to drugs during our early relationship. It hurts, but you can't allow yourself to feel like you are the key to him getting sober, because whenever he relapses it will feel like a knife to your heart. But it's okay because he gets sober eventually and things are incredible between the two of you. However, in this part it's hard. You will need to get your mother's side of the story. I can't repeat this enough. You need to sit down with your biological mother RV Fuller and open the lock, because you won't have forever to do that. Like you always thought. She will die in 2023 and that whole of unknowing will eat at us. It still does, but she loved you. So do your parents and you'll know that nothing was malicious. But you'll still have moments where you wonder, and sometimes that wonder will carry you into a dark place. But don't let it. Just know that God's plans are always best.

Speaker 1: 17:14

I didn't realize that I had so much to say to you. Let's see Next. I know you dream of the spotlight. You've always been told you were special. You've always believed it innately that you were destined for something incredible something amazing. I think this is the reason that we could never settle on what we wanted to be when we grew up. But here's an update so far, we've worked as a welder, done human resources, which is adult speak for managing people and their issues, and we've been a teacher. Yeah, I know you're looking at me side-eyed right now because we were never supposed to become a teacher, because we saw that life up close through our mother and our father. But it happened and we mostly loved it. But we also know that it isn't the ending for us. We know that we will probably spend all of our lives looking for what's next.

Speaker 1: 18:13

Even now, at 43, man, I'm actively trying to decode what next looks like, and it's annoying and it's frustrating. Like some days you will wake up wondering what all of this is. Even for Other days, you will want to quit everything and just write books for a living. Still other days you will think that you have it in you to record music for the church. Still other days you will want to be an in-demand speaker. You will have served as a teaching pastor and you'll dream of planting a church one day.

Speaker 1: 18:46

Our problem is, and has always been, that we see so many pathways in front of us that we want to explore them all. And don't feel bad about that. Embrace it. Life is for exploring all that it has to offer. You tell others that, so I'm telling you that same thing. You need not choose a single lane. Embrace the pioneering spirit inside of you and just take one path at a time until you think it's time to hop onto a new one. I think that is fulfilling in and of itself, knowing that you were not stuck in any particular lane, but truly the world is wide open for you. I repeat to you we're 43 now and we still don't know what we want to be when we grow up. We have a lot of ideas and this podcast is one of them, but don't feel like you have to ever choose one particular lane, because you don't Just be faithful in the lane that you're walking in that moment and it's going to be okay.

Speaker 1: 20:04

Oh, stay away from porn. Drugs will never tempt you, neither will alcohol. It will be allergic to smoke. So smoking weed and cigarettes, that's never going to work. But when you were offered that first orange videotape at 15, say no, because porn will do its best to ruin your life and I need you to not let it, please. I'm dead serious. I know that you will gravitate to it because you were lonely and when life feels out of control, that feels like the one thing that you can control. But its effects will be deep and far reaching and you'll have to explain to your wife and you'll have to explain to your children about that time in your life and you will feel shame and embarrassment and humiliation. You shouldn't, but you will but understand that you are not alone. Don't accept that lie for one reason because you're never alone. You will never be alone for one moment of your life unless you choose to believe that lie that you're alone. And if you choose to believe the lie that you're alone, then porn will magnify it and will bring about the kind of shame and humiliation that will show you what true isolation is.

Speaker 1: 21:38

Now listen, I'm not asking you to be perfect. You're free to make mistakes, and we're going to make a bunch of them, but I'm asking you in this case, in this instance, to choose differently. There's more out there for you than this, than porn, and it will take a lot for you to overcome it. But through the grace of God and the support of your family, you will. But let's just not go there in the first place. All right, all right.

Speaker 1: 22:13

Lastly, jay, you're an amazing human. Others will see it, but you need to. It's imperative, it's necessary. Nothing will work until you see it and believe it fully. And even at 43, our life is just beginning, so we still have time. Love God, do what's before you with integrity and be your best for your family, for those who are depending on you and, ultimately, for yourself. That's all any of us can do. You'll get there, jay. We will get there Wherever the heck there is. And, trust me, I still don't know where there is. I know you don't know what there is, but we'll get there. I love you, justin. I mean that in ways that you can't fully comprehend now, but it'll make sense later. I love you and things are going to be okay.

Speaker 1: 23:25

Made it through that, so I didn't realize that it would be as difficult as it was to read that, knowing that so many people are going to hear it. But here's what I believe and here's what I know. I know that my story has power as much as anybody else's does. Your story has power because it's yours. My story has power because it's mine, but I believe that there is not a story that can be told that does not have an impact on somebody, and so I know that my story it may only impact one person, but that impact is going to be a powerful impact. So maybe you should write your letter and maybe share it with somebody else that you know could benefit from your story, or maybe you just rip it up and burn it or throw it away.

Speaker 1: 24:24

But I think we are in a time and an age where people need to hear where you've been, what you've overcome and how you've overcome it. Because by being transparent and being vulnerable, we free other people to take their their guards down, to deconstruct their own walls so that they're truly able to receive the love. They're truly able to believe the truth about who they are and to live in that truth and to realize that they're okay. Because there are so many people walking around today who don't believe that they're okay, that they're worth the crap and they may go out in public like I used to, and put on a good front and put on a good mask and want people to believe that they're okay, but they don't actually believe it and they're harboring suicidal thoughts or they're believing that the world is better off without them in it. But those are lies. Those are lies and I need you to believe that who you are is great, but they're still greater and the greatest part of you is going to be the part of you that understands that it's okay to be vulnerable and to be transparent and to tell your story, because when you do that, it makes you powerful and it enhances your impact on your influence, and it may impact your income as well. But that's never the goal. The goal is to be a light and to shine that light, so that that light frees other people to shine their lights as well.

Speaker 1: 26:18

And so this episode has been about me, sharing the truth about me and shining my light, and I hope that, as you listen, I hope that it releases you a little bit more to share your story and to shine your light. So, as we end this episode, I want you to know I love you. I think you are incredible. Your story matters. Who you are matters. Share it and consider writing a letter to yourself and Therapizing yourself. It makes a difference. Alright, alright. So this has been episode 23 of season 2 of the Peptalk Podcast. I'm your host, coach Jay, life coaching, dfw, and y'all know how we like to end things right. Keep it love, keep it light and keep in, pepe. Y'all know what it is the Peptalk Podcast. We'll be back next week, next Monday, but y'all have an amazing week. Keep being incredible. Keep being amazing. You are the special, you are the one. Y'all be blessed.