PepTalk
Everybody needs a cheerleader...somebody in their corner hyping them up to perform their best. That's me. Everybody also needs a Coach...somebody in their corner giving them tips to tap into all of their potential so that they can make the most of their life! That's also me! This podcast is where those two elements converge and I speak to you about ways to work hard, pray harder, believe better, and live life to the fullest in every single way on every single day! It's time to level up, elevate, and slay the day! Have you had your pep talk yet?
PepTalk
Choosing Intentional Manhood Pt 3: From He-Man to Whole Man: Rethinking Masculine Protection
Ditch the stereotypes of silent, stoic guardians and tune in as we redefine what it means to be a true protector in our society. Gone are the days when physical strength was the sole measure of a man's courage—instead, we're examining the fortitude that comes with emotional intelligence and vulnerability. As we navigate the complexities of modern manhood, I'm here to champion a new era where the strongest men are those who can wield their emotional presence as confidently as a shield.
In this heart-to-heart, we’re not just looking at the caricatures of masculinity; we're peeling back the layers to reveal the power of being an emotionally present father, a thoughtful partner, and a mentor who leads with compassion. We're breaking down the outdated concepts of protection, fostering flexibility, trust, and a deeper sense of security that transcends the physical. No guests are needed in this intimate conversation—just an open mind and the willingness to engage in intentional manhood, for the betterment of ourselves and the ones we cherish. Join me on this transformative journey as we redefine strength and security from the inside out.
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On this episode of the Pep Talk Podcast. We're talking about Conan the Barbarian, denzel Washington and possibly even John Wick. But first I have a question for you have you had your Doseph Pep today? No, don't worry, I've got you. Now let's get into it. We'll be right back. We'll be right back. We'll be right back, we'll be right back.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Pep Talk Podcast. I'm your host, coach Jay. This is the podcast that cheers you on and coaches you up. That's our mission to tell you every week that you're great, that you're amazing, that you're awesome, but that there is another level, there's another gear, and I believe that about every single person, everybody needs a cheerleader to encourage them and to coach, to challenge them, and so that's what we do with this podcast. If you were new to the podcast, welcome. Welcome. I'm so glad to have you here with us If you have been rocking with us. Thank you so much for continuing to be with us every Monday, and last week we had two episodes. We had one on Wednesday as well, so we're gonna be experimenting with bonus episodes here and there. Listen if you're enjoying the Pep, if you're enjoying the motivation, if you're getting something out of it, please don't forget. Leave a rating at a review Five stars, five stars, five stars. Leave a five star rating where you listen to podcasts. If you're on YouTube, don't forget to hit that subscribe button, leave a comment to let us know where you're listening from and, as always, feel free to reach out at thepepppodcastcom or at underscore. Jb Speaks on Instagram.
Speaker 1:Now what are we talking about today? In my opener slash teaser, I talked about Conan the Barbarian, denzel Washington and I also talked about John Wick Three men, three ideals that I think lots of men have in their head. Now we have been talking about I took a brief departure from it last week we've been in a series for men about choosing intentional manhood. The idea about this series has simply been that men, we need to get better, and this series is specifically pointed at men and future men, but it's also pointed at the people who love us, the people who love men. So that hits at everybody, right, but I wanted to specifically talk to men because there are areas where I feel like we're slacking, and maybe we don't even know that we're slacking, maybe nobody's even told us that we're slacking, but I just I look at men and this is not. This is not a gender bias or any of those things. But I look at men and I see so many things that would be better if we were better. The family structure would be better if we were better. Our children would be better if we were better. Our marriages could be better if we were better. And we can. There are higher heights that we can achieve. There are deeper depths that we can achieve, and in today's episode I wanna talk about this whole idea of men as protectors, because I think that it's quite possible that we have it wrong, and so I wanna kind of dig right into it.
Speaker 1:So we have these tropes right. We have Conan the Barbarian. We have Arnold Schwarzenegger, all ripped up, yoked up, with his loin skin on, carrying a big sword. We have Spartacus from the Star Series, these big, yoked up gladiators that are protectors. We have John Wick, robert McCall the equalizer right, this protector of people. He equalizes things right. We have John Wick, who is an assassin, yes, but in a way he's also a protector of the memory of his wife and whoever was stupid enough to kill his dog.
Speaker 1:But we have this idea of men as protectors, these stoic unfeeling. I'm going to do what needs to be done to protect. I have my guns, I have my baseball bats, I have my blank look on my face unless I'm angry and I'm growling and I'm yelling. And what if? What if that kind of protector is really a myth? What if that type of protector is not the protection that our families need? What if that's not the kind of protection that our children need, that our communities need? And listen, I'm not saying that you know you shouldn't be armed and ready to protect your family if somebody's running up on them. No, no, no, you should be, definitely you should be.
Speaker 1:But what if this whole idea that men have to be, men have to show strength, physically shutter our emotions, build the walls around the castle, put the moat around the walls, put a drawbridge across the moat and station guards across the bridge to make sure that nobody can get in to hurt us? Because I think that when we do that, what we're missing is the most dangerous things that can hurt us are not from without, they're from within, and often the most vulnerable parts of our security system are the things that are already inside of the walls, that are already inside of the castles. It's the thing that are already inside of our hearts, the things that are already inside of our children, that already, what if the way that we are protecting is not? It's not it. And brothers, I'm not here to attack us, I'm just calling us to consider, because you may listen to this episode and you may say, nabra, the kind of protection that my family needs is for me to have my gat, to have my Glock, to have my pistol, to have my shotgun, to have my AK-47 and to be on guard and to be on watch all the time. I'm the watchman on the wall, I'm the last line of defense. That's how I'm protecting. And if that's what you believe, brother, I'm not gonna necessarily tell you that you're wrong. But I am going to ask you to consider that in your ADT security system that you have erected and constructed, what if there are key things that you were missing, that are leading your families and your life and your communities to not be as safe as you think they are in your patrolling? So I don't want you to listen to this and say, nope, I'm not listening, I can't listen to this anymore. But I'm asking you to consider with me that, as great as a protector as you are, maybe the kind of protecting that you're offering is not the kind of protection that is absolutely necessary, and I know that that is. That's hard, that requires a paradigm shift. It's a paradox for so many of us, because for many of us, we have grown up with these hyper masculine ideals of men as conquerors. We conquer sexually, we conquer in the workplace, professionally, we conquer everything that we look at. We're like, you know, simba and Mufasa, and Mufasa is telling us everything that the light touches is yours, you're responsible for protecting it. And I'm telling you, yeah, you are responsible for protecting what's in your area, what's in your arena, but the way that we protect, I believe that it has to look different, and so that's what we are talking about. That's what I'm going to try to talk about in this episode, so just stick with me.
Speaker 1:I was watching on Netflix recently this continued remake of He-Man. I don't know how many of y'all have ever watched He-Man, but I'm gonna give you just a brief synopsis of brief synopsis. So there is a prince of Eternia. His name is Adam. I don't even know if he has the last name, but he has this power sword and when his arch enemy, skeletor, and his minions, there's always these clashes for the fate of Eternia. And when Skeletor comes, adam, adam is weak, right? Adam is weak, so he can't fight Skeletor. Skeletor has magic and monsters, and so what happens is the sorceress gave Adam this sword and Adam, he holds this big sword up and he says, by the power of Grace Skull, I have the power. And then lightning comes down and strikes the sword. And then Adam, he becomes this big, muscle bound dude and he it transforms his cat Cringor into this really masculine cat called Cringor a battle cat, sorry, and that's how they fight and he protects Eternia from Skeletor.
Speaker 1:I'm convinced that we have brought into this myth that we all have to be he-men, but I think that we often forget that Adam, in his own right, the Prince of Eternia, adam, had a lot going for him. Adam was smart, adam was a creative problem solver. What Adam was missing was just the big muscles to go Hulk smash on everything around him. And I think you know in our hearts we all want to be he-men. We all want to be the big muscle bound dude going around, being physically imposing. We want to be the watcher on the wall that, if people look at us and see us, just to look in our eyes is enough to scare them off, nobody's going to mess with me because I've got the muscles, I've got the power, I've got the weapons. Yes, but I think in doing that we really overlook that the other parts of ourselves are just as important in being a protector. As the muscles, as the weapons, as the martial arts, there are other skills involved with being a protector.
Speaker 1:And see, there's this myth that men have to be this unyielding fortress, impervious to fear or doubt, decisive, ready to act in a moment's notice. But what if protection is not about invincibility? What if protection is not about nobody ever getting through? What if protection is not about the fortress? What if real protection is about vulnerability? And man, I need you to listen to me like, lean in, lean in close and hear me.
Speaker 1:Courage is not about the armor that we wear or the muscles that we build, like all of that stuff is well and good. But courage is not about the size of the sword that we swing, it's not about the caliber of the bullets that we spray, it's not about the loudness of our voice when we're trying to convey a point or prove ourselves. It's not about, it's not necessarily about those things. And to protect it does require us to be courageous. But courage is not just simply armor, it's also the trembling hand that protects, that covers a fragile heart. It's I think it was Nelson Mandela who said courage is not the absence of fear, but it is the triumph over it.
Speaker 1:Strength, it strength does not lie in muscles alone. It resides in the spaces where vulnerability meets resilience. And guys Shrek said it best ogres are like onions, meaning that ogres have layers. And that's what he was trying to convey, that he wasn't just this big. You know hulking ugly green dude.
Speaker 1:Men are like onions, but we're often so afraid of peeling back the layers and we're afraid of showing people the galaxies that exist within us. There are worlds within us men that never come out, that are never explored because we are afraid we are as much protecting ourselves as we are protecting other people, and so we don't talk when people ask what's wrong with us. Our word choices are grunts and monosyllabic. They're very, very rarely are we ready to express, or very rarely do we feel like we have the words to properly expose the storms that are happening on the inside of us. And as we're trying to protect ourselves and protect other people, nobody is getting the coverage that they need, because we men don't often have the courage to be vulnerable and to expose ourselves.
Speaker 1:Yes, men, we protect physically, but our true strength and I will go down to my death believing this the true strength, the key to us being able to protect others, lies in our emotional intelligence. It's in the father who wipes away the tears. It's in the brother who listens. It's in the husband, the partner, who can hold a space of silence wholly to provide that other person a chance to process and to listen not to respond, but to listen, to understand and to listen to love. And I can tell that that's tripping somebody out. That's tripping somebody out because here's what I know, guys we're failing in our ability to protect. Oftentimes we're not protecting the hearts of our loved ones. We're not protecting our children, because what they are exposed to y'all.
Speaker 1:I've realized recently that there are no safe spaces for our children anymore. They are exposed to so much and they fight and they wrestle with so much. Why? Because we don't have the courage to ask the hard questions. We don't have the courage to jump into their lives in intrusive and intense ways, to battle the intrusive and intense situations that they are dealing with on a daily basis. That's something that we've recently come up against. It's caused me to reevaluate the way that I protect the ones that I love, and I need you to reevaluate how you're protecting the ones that you love.
Speaker 1:This episode, man, is an invitation to peel away that stoicism, to peel away, to take a sledgehammer to the castle and to the walls and to drain the moat. It's time that, if you're truly going to be the king and protector of your realm, it is time to allow yourself to feel more. It is time to allow yourself to be fragile and vulnerable with those around you, because the strength of your protection is not in your muscles or in your punches, or in your kicks, or in your insults or in your curse words, or in your 40 ounces or in all of those things. It's not about how much money that you make, it's not about physically how you're leading others, but it's in the emotional aspect, in the soft skills, in the areas that we're most afraid to tackle, where the protection really happens. We were no longer in caveman days, where we're fighting off saber-toothed tigers. We don't have to worry about being eaten like that. We do have to worry about crime. We do have to worry sometimes about people trying to take what hours, what we've worked for.
Speaker 1:But being a protector, it's spiritual. Are you praying for your family? Do you read the Bible with them? If you don't read the Bible, are there devotionals that you're doing with them that are feeding them spiritually? Because there are lots of men out here who are good providers but they aren't good protectors.
Speaker 1:And being a protector is about self-analysis, it's about self-awareness, it's about not necessarily warring against people coming to kill and destroy you physically, but it's about the things in this life that are coming to kill your spirit, to destroy your heart, to destroy your families from the inside out. And I'm telling you that it's okay. It is okay to go against the grain and to believe that you don't have to be unpatrolled physically because you're unpatrolled emotionally and you're aware you're going up to your kids and you're asking not just how was your day, but what was the best part of your day. You're asking your spouse, your partner, when is the last time that I'll let you down? And you're allowing them the honesty to do that. You're asking your kids when's the last time I'll let you down? And you're not blowing up when they tell you the last time that you let them down. That's the way that you protect them.
Speaker 1:The oftentimes, protection is just about allowing people the space to give you the kind of criticisms that will help you to become better. Just because you can make a lot of money and buy the house and buy the clothes and provide financial stability, behind the curtain you find out that the Wizard of Oz is not really a wizard, it's just a scared man. There are too many of us men who are scared men putting on the armor and the facade of a protector when really we're nothing more than scared boys just hoping that we don't lose everything that we're holding so much, holding on so tightly to. But, men, innately you are a protector. Innately you are a warrior. But the war is not necessarily happening in the physical realm. The war is probably more happening spiritually and emotionally and psychologically, not just in us but in those around us, and I promise people will value us more when we begin to lean into those aspects of life.
Speaker 1:It's not the archetype of a warrior with the sword anymore. It's not about being willing to kill to protect your family. Are you willing to cry? Are you willing to hold them? Are you willing to be accountable? Are you willing to be transparent? Are you willing to be transformative in your reactions and in your relationships in a way that creates a safe space for the people around you to be who they are and to feel safe around you, that you will protect them, that you will protect their hearts. I want my kids to know that when they're in my presence, they're safe, not because I'm getting ready to fight somebody on their behalf, but I'm ready to, I'm ready to war with the negative influences in their lives that are causing them to make hard decisions. That I'm willing to listen and let them explain what's happening to them on a daily basis and offer advice from where I've been, but also give them the room to grow into that. We've got to protect our kids. We've got to protect our marriages. We've got to protect our communities, our families. We've got to y'all. It is our responsibility to make others around us to create a space where they feel safe and good, to help others build confidence, to help others feel comfortable, growing into themselves, to selflessly give of ourselves, to serve others in a way where the best parts of them are maximized, where the opportunities for growth within them are realized and together, collectively, we are creating environments where the people are safe, because I think that's real safety.
Speaker 1:And, as I think about my own life, I think that there have been many times where I have shirked responsibilities as a protector because I didn't think that I was doing it right, not realizing that the way that I'm wired as an emotionally aware man is really what protects the best ways. I can get a gun and I can shoot, but can I wipe away a tear when somebody's crying? I can hold a sword and I can hack and slash I've played enough video games, I know what to do, right but when somebody really needs to get something off of their chest, can I be present in that moment in a way that is transformative, not because I said anything, but just because I was there? Man, I am convinced that this is the protection that is lacking. It is the protection that is necessary and it is the protection that is going to rebuild proper walls, not to keep people out, but to bring people in, man masculinity. It demands that we protect, but I'll keep saying this again and again and again it's how we protect that makes a difference. So how can we become better protectors? All right, so I'm going off the dome with these, because these are things that I really really feel. I really really feel in my heart that when I'm doing these things, I am the best protector that I can be.
Speaker 1:So I think, number one, we need to be flexible. We need to be less resistant to change and we need to understand that there are new ways of doing things. Like I said earlier, we're no longer protecting from saber tooth tigers, but we are protecting from porn on our phones and our internet and how that is detrimental to the lives of our boys. We need to learn to trust people. We need to learn to let our guard down and let people in, because as people get to know us better, then they can trust our intentions with them. Our wives, our partners, will trust our intentions with their hearts when they know us better. Our kids will trust us better with our input into their lives when they know who we are and what we've been through. I'm opening, honest with my kids about how I've messed up and when I've messed up. We have to trust people. Remember, we're tearing down the walls, we're destroying the gate, we're draining the moat, we're bringing the bridge back down. We're removing the guards from the gate. We have to let people in and embrace vulnerability as a strength as a strength, because it's necessary.
Speaker 1:Another way that we can be a protector is to be a good friend. Be a good friend to other men, build those pockets, listen to their problems and help resolve them, without leaning towards violence or confrontation with other people, but try to help people confront the things within themselves. Be protective of your partner. Be cautious with feelings. Be cautious with hearts. Men teach their sons to be cautious with women, to be cautious with their hearts. I don't care if it's a girlfriend, a fiance, a wife, whatever. Be cautious, be protective, be considerate. Guys, if we're not teaching our sons to do that, then we're failing Bar none. We are failing. We are failing, we are failing.
Speaker 1:I talk to my son all the time about being respective of any young woman that you might associate yourself with, whether a girlfriend, a friend or whatever. Now, does that mean that that's always going to be the case? No, but I'm a big believer that when you train your people, train your kids, train your sons in the way that they should go, while there will be mistakes, they will always come back to the core of what you've taught them. So you've got to teach them, we've got to teach them. I see too many young men out here just wild and being loose and being free with women and that ain't it. That is not it, because if they're loose and free with others and they're loose and free with themselves and they don't have the capacity to protect themselves, much less somebody else, because nobody has protected them Right.
Speaker 1:And we need to be selfless, to be a warrior, to be a protector. You've got to be about other people. You've got to be about other people. You've got to know what you stand for, you've got to know who you are, you've got to know who you're leading, who you are protecting, and you've got to be selfless, going after them, going hard for them, 100%. But I'm going to add a caveat there You're also going to have to be a little bit selfish, because if you're going to protect others 100%, you've got to be dealing with yourself. You've got to be asking yourself the hard questions how can I be better, how can I do better so that I can turn, can be better for others?
Speaker 1:Y'all know I believe in God, I believe in the Bible and I believe that it is the role of a man to be that watchman on the wall. But I also believe that it is important, it is absolutely necessary for us, as men, to do it right, because we weren't just created with flesh. We were created with the soul and with the spirit, and we neglect those way too often. We elect our emotions way too often. We neglect our will way too often until stuff hits the fans. And guys, I am challenging you. I am challenging you to do better. The world demands a different kind of protector now. The world demands a kind of protector who is not just willing to pull the trigger, but the kind of protector who is willing to consider feelings and is willing to talk about his feelings first, to create a comfortable avenue for other people to talk about their feelings.
Speaker 1:I want to know what you think, guys, people who love them. I want to know what you think about this topic. Do you still think that men need to be protectors? Why, why not? I need you to drop a message, send it to the podcast at gmailcom, hit me up at JBSpeaks on Instagram. I would love to know do you think that the role of men as protectors is it still relevant? Is it still necessary? And, if so, what kind of protection do you need the men in your life to provide for you? Yeah, that's what we need. That's what I need from you. Drop a comment, drop a line, shoot me a direct message. I would love to hear from you, I would love your thoughts on this episode and, as we begin to close it out, men, we have to choose intentional manhood and being the right kind of protection, choosing to be that right kind of protector, I think, is a key portion of masculinity, of healthy masculinity, of healthy manhood.
Speaker 1:Remember, we're not doing that toxic. You know men are the greatest ever. We're not doing that in here. We've got to be better than that. We are not God's gift to women unless we do the work and we truly are a gift that is worthy to be given to our communities, to our families and to the world. We don't get to claim that if we hadn't done the work. So I'm charging you with choosing intentional manhood. I'm choosing you to be the best man that you can be. All right, all right. This has been another episode of the Pep Talk Podcast. Remember, subscribe, rate, review, reach out, let us know what you think, but until next time, y'all know how we like to end things. Keep it love, keep it light and keep it peppy and man. Keep protecting. I'm watching. I'm proud of you, bro. This has been the Pep Talk Podcast with your boy, coach Jay. We'll see you next week. Y'all be blessed, peace.