PepTalk
Everybody needs a cheerleader...somebody in their corner hyping them up to perform their best. That's me. Everybody also needs a Coach...somebody in their corner giving them tips to tap into all of their potential so that they can make the most of their life! That's also me! This podcast is where those two elements converge and I speak to you about ways to work hard, pray harder, believe better, and live life to the fullest in every single way on every single day! It's time to level up, elevate, and slay the day! Have you had your pep talk yet?
PepTalk
SHAPED Manhood Pt 2: What does it mean to be SHAPED? w/ Ralph Bessard
Who do you see when you look in the mirror each morning? Today, we're continuing our impactful conversation with Ralph Bussard, and together we peel back the layers of what it means to live a life of purpose and intention. As men, it's not just about facing the giant obstacles before us, but recognizing that our everyday decisions carve out the legacy we leave behind. We tackle the idea of being the authors of our own stories, not just heroes or narrators, in a raw conversation that encourages men to embrace the full spectrum of their experiences—challenging parts included—and how this shapes the impact we have on our families and communities.
Ralph and I also take a moment to reflect on the tender sensitivity of our spirit, exploring the need for regular 'spiritual EKGs' to maintain the purity of our hearts. We share tales of David and Goliath, drawing metaphors for our own lives and the importance of making ourselves available to opportunities that can lead us to our destinies. Our dialogue traverses the tales of networking events and the surprising outcomes of saying 'yes' more often. We also address the topic of diverse perspectives and how they strengthen leadership, relationships, and personal growth.
Closing our heartfelt exchange, the conversation naturally flows into the essence of manhood with Ralph imparting wisdom on embracing the bravery required to step into the unknown. We highlight the significance of living with intention and purpose, making choices that reflect the man you strive to be, and the profound effect this can have on those around you. Our chat isn't just about self-improvement—it's a rallying cry for men to honor their path with courage and conscious action, every single day.
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In today's episode we are continuing to dig deep in what it means to become a shaped man with our special guest, mr Ralph Bussard. But first I have a question for you have you had your dose of pep today? No, don't worry, I've got you. Now let's dig into it.
Speaker 1:Welcome to season two, episode 35 of the Pep Talk podcast. I'm your host, coach J, a life coach in DFW, and last week y'all we started a conversation with my guest, ralph Bussard. That was incredible and riveting, and I heard from you y'all let me hear from you when you told me that you all were so ready for the second part of the episode and I'm so excited to release that to you today. I promise you know, take some time with the men in your life, your brothers, your uncles, your husbands, your cousins. Just sit down and listen to this episode, because it is for men and for those who love them, and we're talking about choosing intentional manhood.
Speaker 1:This is the very last episode on this topic that we've spent about five episodes on in this season, and, y'all I am excited about the results that this conversation has had and will continue to have, and I don't want to waste any more time with introductions. I want to jump right into the episode the remainder of the episode with Ralph Bessard, who is an incredible speaker and an executive leadership coach. He is a published author and so I just know that you're going to get something great out of this episode, and I will be back at the end to wrap this episode and to recap the conversation. So, without further ado, here is the second half of my conversation with Ralph Bussard on becoming a shaped man. Y'all be blessed.
Speaker 2:I tell everybody that your story is big. It's a big deal. It's significant. That's right. There's something else that's more significant how you interpret that story Right. How you interpret your story is so much bigger than your story alone, because how you interpret it will then be the way that you choose to continue to author your story. Well, check this out. I don't want you to be the hero in your story. Forget it just for a moment. Do you realize the bad guy? When he's writing his story, he sees himself as the hero. That's right. So forget about trying to be the hero in your story. And here's another thing Don't just be the narrator of your story, because the narrator never has to get in the arena.
Speaker 2:They're not experiencing life man, they're on the sidelines talking about what could have should have been.
Speaker 2:No dude, you need to be the author of your story, and the only way that you can be the author of your story is that you need to interpret your story correctly.
Speaker 2:Paul writes and he says that all these things happened to me so that I could advance the gospel. Well, everything that you went through the good, the bad, the indifferent okay, it's not meant to be the defining thing of your life. It's meant to reveal the possibility of all that you could be. See, when I'm defined by who I used to be, or defined from my come from, I can realize, yeah, my come from equipped me and empowered me right to now be in this moment, in this space, to do something or to respond to it in a unique, specific way. Right, and so when I realized that wait a second, I don't need to be Jake's, I don't need to have this credential or all that before I begin to write my story, I could realize that wait a second. I've gone through some unique experiences that have shaped me in such a way that I can have a unique story that I now can share and that can make a true difference to those who hear it.
Speaker 1:Go for it. Okay, okay, okay. I feel like I need to grab an organ and just have some ushers pass around a collection.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I feel like I need to grab an organ and just have some ushers pass around a collection.
Speaker 1:Okay so, brothers yes, I need to say this Brothers, your story is your story. I hope you heard everything that Ralph just said. When we begin to and I like how you said you can't be the narrator. You know what I'm saying? Don't be the hero. I tell people that they need to adopt that main character energy.
Speaker 2:Yes, okay, I love it.
Speaker 1:You can't be the best supporting actor in your own life story, yes, but, guys, here's the thing, and here's what I think that Ralph is saying to us as men especially.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Everything that has happened to us in our lives may not look like a good thing, but in the end it is up to how you interpret it.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Because if you look back over every area of trauma, every area you've messed up, every area people have messed over you. If you don't look for redeemable areas in those things, you're only going to continue perpetuating the myth that you were has no value, that your life has no virtue and that there is nothing redeemable about your life.
Speaker 1:But when you understand, brothers, guys when we understand that every part of your story, the ultimate aim of it, is that there is glory that is reproduced in your life, not just for you, but for the people that are, for our wives, for our kids. They deserve. They deserve for us to put the work in so that even the good and the bad parts about our stories are not constantly wrecking us and wrecking them. Things become so much better and we can finally begin to become clear on what our role is as men in our families and in our communities.
Speaker 2:Absolutely that the story, that interpretation is so profound. And when you gain, when you, when you take on that type of perspective, now you realize that you know the things that come to, sometimes look like they take us out, or like the bad things, the things that sometimes we want to not talk about. Those things are not there to define you unless you let them, unless you let them define you right. If you see yourself in the victim as the victim, well, guess what? You're going to write a story, or continue to write a story that comes from the perspective of being a victim. Right Now, you're upset at everybody. You think life is unfair. You fail to attempt things that may try to move you out of your victimhood, whatever it may be. You become emboldened in the position of that interpretation, right, yes, so when I realized that the things that have happened to me, even you know, even the good things, because a lot of times we can go the opposite way Some really great things happen to us. People start blowing smoke. Now we feel like, hey, I walk with a level of privilege, the way I'm rocking, and then you know again, we miss that. Wait a second. You know we probably should treat people a little differently. Now. We're walking with this narcissistic kind of thought process and we still don't allow ourselves to grow, so we don't get too up or down and we begin to see, like wait a second, this is not here to define me. This is about me taking a look, being self-aware of what I'm supposed to pull from those moments to now author a story. That is about revelation, revealing who I am, and so that's what I try to help people understand.
Speaker 2:With that first acronym, that first letter in shape, you have a story. It's significant, but what's even bigger deal is how you interpret it so you can continue to write the story. The next is H, and that speaks to the heart, right Again, my background being in ministry. Favorite life verse John 16, verse 33. He says he leaves his peace with us, but he says in this world you're going to have some trouble, but take heart, for I've overcome the world. I want to tell you straight up, and tell all the pep squad, that a lot of times, when things happen to us or we are going through things, we immediately believe that we need to go obtain something, or get something or achieve something, or even bring another person into the equation for us to find some level of happiness or to be equipped to get beyond the circumstance or the situation we find ourselves in. The truth of the matter is that you're already more than enough.
Speaker 2:You have what it takes. He says take heart, mean, look within. This is the time that it is that that situation is not to define you, it's to pull out of you. You know the stock in which you are made, in. You have what it takes. You are more than a conqueror if you know where to look right. And so here's the part that I try to tell people is that so many of us try to avoid the storms of our life. It's not a matter of if a storm is going to come, it's a matter of when, right. So when we stop trying to insulate ourselves from trying to feel things or go through things like no, going through things is a very powerful thing, because that's where growth occurs.
Speaker 1:So we don't want to go through.
Speaker 2:We want to grow through. So take heart, let's look within, because what you put into your heart will be the things that become a habit for you. That's where habits I have to first believe it, I have to receive it right and then embrace it so I can walk it out. And so this is why it's so important that we take a full understanding of what we've allowed in our hearts Some of these men. What we need to do is we need to make sure that we're setting up the right type of guards too.
Speaker 2:You know, again, men don't feel like they can come and talk about hey, I'm struggling with pornography. Well, let's do the first thing, let's put up some guards right. You know, if you struggle with pornography, maybe allow someone you know that you trust to come into your life, share that with them, and then, you know, position yourself like let me guard my eye gates. So, again, I wasn't one that struggled in that area, but again I realized that when I used to look at I was looking at my GQ magazines, I'm looking at other magazines that might distract me it's very easy to even start just surfing on the net and you might be reading the news. But if you don't begin to be like, wait a second. That girl on that particular ad is a little more scantily clad you know, and now you're going to look at it a little more.
Speaker 2:What you've just done is you've allowed it. What is that An ad to then pull you into? Maybe some of the things that you weren't thinking were that big of a deal, but now they triggered something. Now you're going down the rabbit hole. So what did I do? Maybe I stopped reading some of the things that I used to read, some of the things I took for granted. I realized a lot of times, especially when I was preaching I'm a child of the hip hop generation, right? So of course I'm listening to back then whether it was Public Enemy, nwa, not tabbing anything against any of those things. I still love those, but there was times I had to realize that my spirit was sensitive to some of those things. So you listen to Ice Cube, especially a young Ice Cube, and you hear some of those things.
Speaker 1:Oh boy.
Speaker 2:Now you're trying to go up in the pulpit and you're wondering why you might be a little anxious or have a little something to come out and I realized, ooh, I better guard my eye gaze because some of this stuff's in my heart. So, ultimately, we need to be aware and, again, we need to dive deep in self-discovery to make sure that we understand where we're coming from, because that's what's happening. Our come from begins in our heart, so you need to know what you Our come from begins in our heart, so you need to know what you've allowed to go into your heart and see if you need to be hooked up to some type of spiritual EKG that allows you to get rid of some of the nuance or some of the craziness that you may have allowed in there. Now the next letter is A, which is what I believe is our greatest ability, and that word is availability. That's what A stands for. Your greatest ability is to be available, okay, first and foremost to what I believe to be the spirit of God, but also then be available to those around you that can pour into you, that can love into you, that will help you to grow, to become all that you were created to be. If you are not available to those people, then you're also going to find a way to hide and not be available to the opportunities that are coming your way. Absolutely Again, we go back.
Speaker 2:All you have to do is look at a very quick thought process about David when he faces Goliath, people forget that this kid was just going to give his brother some food that his father sent to him and pay tribute to a king.
Speaker 2:But in being available to provide this task to his father, he now goes into a place where he's available to a new destiny.
Speaker 2:He hears the giant speaking in a certain way, he hears the challenges, but because he was available to God amongst these hard men who had not known any defeat any recent time, saul was undefeated at the time when they were facing the Philistine Goliath at that time, but he was shaking in his boots. But David was available and you know again, I know it would be years later that he would come into his kingdom ship. I believe that on that day, being available to fight the giant, that's the day he stepped into being king, and I think that so many of us do not make room for the small moments in our life and so when the big moments come, we're not prepared for them. You have to be available to life. You have to be available to the arena, you need to get off the sidelines and start to live your life, and you can only do that with a little confidence and with a little belief in who you are.
Speaker 1:Okay. So I think that's very poignant and the big reason that I'm thinking about this whole availability thing. You know, in sports they say just what you said the greatest ability is availability, absolutely, and it's absolutely true. What are we really available for? Because what we're available for is really going to determine how far we go, the heights that we reach.
Speaker 1:I was thinking just recently so my wife she just graduated, with her, she's now a chiropractor, and so she got invited to a networking event by a patient that she had, and so my aim was just to take her and drop her off. I've got to get better about networking. I'm an introvert. I like to be at home with my books, listen to my podcast and stuff like that. But she was like you're not coming with me. I was like, no, that's not my scene. She was like but I need you to be there with me. She didn't really need me there because when she got there she was a whirling dervish of networking. They don't need us, they just want us to be there. Exactly Right. But because I made myself available to be in that space, I learned some things and I met some people who were doing some really cool things that I was like maybe I could do that. Or I got some business cards of people who might be a good connection on down the line and I like what you said about David.
Speaker 1:You said because he was available, his availability led him into an entirely different destiny. It would have been easier for him to say, I'm just going to hang out with the sheep, yes, and then I mean that would have been good. He still would have become the king, but because he was available to something new. And I think, guys, we fall into this rut and we make these excuses about I have work, I have a wife, I have kids. I'm not available to hang out, or some may be available to go hang out at the bar for the after work drinks, for the happy hour, but we don't make ourselves available for the opportunities that frighten us, we don't make ourselves available for the things that are really going to grow and to challenge us, and that's why we end up staying stuck to grow and to challenge us and that's why we end up staying stuck.
Speaker 2:Yes, I love how you said that. Like you know again, it's so easy to miss the possibility or the opportunity for growth. And I'm very similar to you. You know my wife is a true extrovert. You know, in our, in our, even in our business at Conquer, you know she was, she's the outside salesperson, she's the networker and the one that connects. I run the team on the inside. You know again, that's that's kind of how our strengths have been. Like you know again, even though I'm a social kind of conceptual person, you know I can dream big and I love working with people.
Speaker 2:But this idea of going out and kind of soliciting business or, you know, talking about myself and networking, that's just not really something that comes very easy for me. And so much like you if I wouldn't, if she had not at times been the one unctioning me like hey, I need you there for me or whatever it may be, or come check this out and let's just see what's possible. When she doesn't use that language or speak, it's so quick for me to be like that ain't my scene, I don't do that, I'm not going to go. Very much like you, Not even be available, not realizing that. Wait a second. This could be the opportunity that God uses for transference that brings some growth, that brings a possibility of something new, that brings some growth, that brings a possibility of something new, or even the possibility for us to then be moving into a new arena where we see ourselves differently, and so that's why it's so important that when we are looking or we become aware that wait a second it's time for me to grow.
Speaker 2:I am a person who has been placed here with purpose to lead others, cause, as we said earlier uh, much earlier we were talking about everybody. Um is leading someone, whether you're aware of it or not. When you move into this understanding, you have to be intentional to not miss the um, the possibility or the opportunities that God is presenting to you to grow you. And this is where, again, the next letter comes into play, which is P, and that is perspective. You know I'm speaking to people all the time that you know, most people live their life with a limited perspective about how they see themselves in life and how they see the world around them, and it's not until we get exposed to different points of view that our perspective can be widened. And so I think about.
Speaker 2:I go back to when I first started in ministry. You and I both said we had this same commonality trait where we talked about commonality trait where we talked about we were really aware of our shortcomings and maybe some of our weaknesses. I didn't realize until I grew and became much more mature, maybe even when I was writing the book. I think I say this in the book, but I say how because I was operating in a place where I was full on, at times feeling like an imposter, and I was aware of where I might have some shortcomings. I did not allow myself to be transparent sometimes with my team and there were a lot of people on my team that had some incredible strengths, that could do some really wonderful things, but because I was worried about their shine overshining my own, maybe challenging the perspective that I had or thought was needed in that moment, I did not make room for those people to operate in their place that could have grew our team or could have learned certain things Wow and because I did not fully embrace different perspective or diverse perspectives.
Speaker 2:I realized now that early on in ministry there was a reason why there was some real growth that could not have occurred is because, hey, we were going to do it Ralph's way, and Ralph's way was the only way. Because, like, oh, you can't have more shine than me. I'm on my way to be Jake's. You know what are you talking about. It's gotta be like this, right? So you know I wanna, you know, challenge me when you start to find. You know your unique shape. You're not afraid of diverse perspectives. Matter of fact, you encourage them Because, again, I'm aware of who I am. I can walk with confidence in who I am, knowing that I'm not everything to everybody all the time.
Speaker 2:So now, when God gives you a team or equips you with a helpmate, like he's done with our wives, I'm so excited or so I shouldn't say excited, but I'm so thankful for who my wife is, because she's the other side of my coin. You know we got each other's back. I'm the other side of my coin. You know, we got each other's back. I'm the other side of her coin. We're in areas where I'm not that strong and she's amazing at, and then she'll tell you in other areas that she may be like, she may lack. She was like thank God, I got my husband because he's able to see some things Right. So this is where you know diverse perspectives can really, really bolster you, not just in the leadership position but just in life within your own families. It helps you to really embrace, you know, those of us who have kids, those men who are listening to us, who are part of the pep squad who have children. When you have diverse perspectives that you're able to pull from, you can kind of see not only what your kids are telling you, but sometimes you can see what they're not telling you, which really allows you to, you know, operate in the role, or in that role that you have in their life.
Speaker 2:The next letter is E for encouragement. We talked about that earlier. I truly believe that encouragement is the catalyst to empowerment. I want to make sure that you know again, I'm not saying that we don't stay in a place where we can't give criticism, but I believe if criticism given with the right heart, the right mindset, can be encouraging. I think you know again. I think you and I we were talking about what was that earlier in the week. We were talking about the difference between what was that? A coach and a cheerleader.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we were talking about the difference between a coach and a cheerleader, and I think that that's really really powerful, because a coach will encourage us differently right than just a cheerleader all the time. That's right. He's going to give it to a straight, maybe sometimes a little raw in art, but it's always meant to speak to the place that, hey, I believe in you. The cheerleader may be just the rah-rah person, but again, they're hyping you up, doing those things, but it's about empowerment. And then go ahead, please. Yes.
Speaker 1:And so, as you're talking, I have this image in my head of like the big rage right now is hot honey. Like Pizza Hut has a hot honey pizza.
Speaker 2:I love hot honey man. I love hot honey. I have some in the cabinet that stuff is amazing.
Speaker 1:Me too. It is boss. It's boss love. But you know you talk about when you have that criticism the way that you give it is what really provides that boost. And so, like a lot of people can't handle cayenne pepper, yeah, just straight. But when you mix some honey with that cayenne pepper and you got a winner, you got a winner. And so when we're able not just to give those crucial conversations, but I think it's more about how we receive them, them Because for all of our bluster, for all of our hardened exterior, I am convinced that men are the more sensitive species Because Nugget, hey, I'm going to be fair.
Speaker 2:Listen, the pep squad, listen up. I just got to say that I'm sorry I'm cutting you off. That was a nugget. Okay, that was feel like yes, I truly believe what you just said about men. Go ahead.
Speaker 1:Because a woman can say one thing that doesn't just dismantle us but it destroys us Absolutely. I remember we were at a marriage conference and my wife she knows that my dream has always been to pastor a church and I had not been living up to my duties as a husband, as the man of our house, and she said, she said, she said something to the, to the, to the, to the, to the tenor of I don't know how you'll ever become a pastor dismantled me.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I had to excuse myself because I melted into a bundle of tears. It hurt me so deeply, it destroyed me and I understood immediately why she said it.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And it allowed me to begin rebuilding myself into someone who would be worthy of her seeing. Oh yeah, I think you'd be an excellent pastor one day, or you're already pastoring people. I see you doing it in a real and in an authentic way. But I'm also going to say this, guys If you don't have people in your lives who you allow the privilege to dismantle you, then you don't know the blessing that you're missing out of. We will never be the intentional men that we were created to be if we continue to surround ourselves by yes, men, if we continue to surround ourselves with people who were encouraging our basest, most detrimental behavior. Listen, you need somebody in your life who's going to come and tell you, bro, you wrong.
Speaker 2:You're not being a good dad.
Speaker 1:You're not being a good husband. You're not being a good man. You are making the rest of us look horrible, and here's how I know it's not happening enough. I work in schools and I see these young brothers who don't know how to receive correction Overall and if you look at again.
Speaker 2:I don't like to venture off into politics, but all you have to do is just look from you know, from the, you know the everywhere in all the society and all of mankind. People do not know how to receive criticism and usually it even you know it dives into deeper. Now to to turning into just you know, just flat out, um, the misrepresentation of any type of correction or anything that is beneficial. And so, like you said, like my 12-year-old, I come and I'm constantly talking to him about becoming more aware of his surroundings and how to be appropriate in those surroundings. I use simple things like all right, when you're on the playground, what's the playground? Let's use just the term playground. What's it intended? He says, well, you play, you have a good time, you let go, you release. I said, right, you're throwing the ball around, you're yelling with your friends, maybe playing basketball, you can be loud. I said then the bell rings and you go back into the classroom. What happens if you go into the classroom with the same behavior that you have on the playground? What happens? He says, well, they kick you out and they send you to the office. Okay, well, if it was okay in one place, why is it not okay in another place? And he was like because that's not what the classrooms were. Oh, so that's not where the class? I said okay. So again, this is exactly what happens when we surround ourselves with just yes men or people who are saying yes, they fail to define what's appropriate or inappropriate. They're just saying do you whenever you want to do you, however you want to do you, and it does not provide any level of growth because you're now completely unaware of what is appropriate or inappropriate and therefore now you're less effective than you are effective. And so this is why it's so important that we become aware that, yes, when I, when I come to correct someone's behavior, I'm not coming at you or challenging and say like hey, you're just flat out wrong, your whole being is off and you're just not a good person. That's not what's happening, but that's how people receive it Immediately. They take it as an attack, they immediately get beyond and want to move into a place of being defensive in what we're saying to them and I'm like look, and what I've learned is that, yes, there's going to be times that I'm going to speak really straight to 29 and 27,.
Speaker 2:I had to tell my older boys the other day. I said hey, look at it, check this out. I'm your dad, I'm always going to be your dad. So guess what? I'm never going to shut up, I'm always going to talk to you. I said, but here's the thing, where were you were 18 and younger, and I said I would just tell you and look at you and be like I don't even want you to ask me why. I don't even I want you to do it because I told you to do it. There was going to be times that I just said it that way.
Speaker 2:But guess what? That part of my job with you two is over. I've planted the seeds, I've watered it, I've seen some of the harvests of you being. I know you have what it takes. I said so.
Speaker 2:Now, when I come to talk to you, I said I'm placing before you a choice. You get to choose, as they say, what the life or death of the equation. You get to choose what's effective for you and ineffective. That's my job. In that moment. I'm asking you to consider the wisdom that I'm trying to impart to you and then you get to choose. And the only thing I say to you that, if you're going to walk in your manhood, is that, after you make the choice, be able to live with the consequences.
Speaker 2:Because isn't that what most people struggle with? Is that? Most people, they pretend not to know. I laugh at them.
Speaker 2:I hear people say, well, this happened and I didn't think it. I didn't think it. I said, you know? I hear people sometimes well, you know this happened and I didn't think, I didn't think, and I said stop it. And I, you know that's why some people do not want to talk to me sometimes because I said no, you're pretending right now, you're pretending not to know that this was a possibility, that you were going to put yourself in that situation. You knew that was a possibility and you did it nonetheless. And you did it nonetheless.
Speaker 2:So why are you angry about it? Right? This is why it's so important that, again, my job as as a leader, as a man who wants to, to provide a level of value to those around, my job, is not to destroy the bridge of communication, that that that I want to have with those around me, and again, that that that requires us going right back full circle to the cayenne pepper and the honey. Right, I need to know who I can give cayenne pepper, cayenne pepper to her, because it doesn't matter if I'm giving them valuable information, but I'm always giving it to me in a package of cayenne pepper. They're never going to receive it, that's right. So the idea is like Ralph, what's your goal? Do you want to just be right just for the sake of being right, or do you really want to be the blessing that you were created to be?
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So I've had to teach myself, because I was a great debater when I was younger and I was always trying to win the argument. But I realized that sometimes creating teachable moments for people by giving up your right to be right, I'm not interested in being right anymore, I'm interested in how do we become collectively more effective? Right that's how I try to look through things is that when I'm aware of who I am, I understand my role and I now am able to confess that freely. How do I do it in a manner that's effective, that it actually then provides the blessing? When am I being ineffective? And usually when I'm a little too much attached or I got too many feelings involved and I just want to go off. Ralph, you know what You're operating from a place of offense, and that gives too much room for safety involved in this equation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a hard one that is a hard one. Yeah, it does. So one more thing on the encouragement piece, which I think is so powerful. So when I was younger you know how they used to have those spiritual gift inventory surveys. You take one, you answer the questions. So when I was younger my highest spiritual gift would always be encouragement. As a young man I was like man, that is whack. Who wants to be an encourager? An encourager is never going to get paid.
Speaker 2:We never want to give ourselves too much credit. We'd be like man, that's whack, I need something else, I get it. An encourager is never going to get paid. We never want to give ourselves too much credit.
Speaker 1:We're like man, that's whack, I need something else, I get it. An encourager is whack yeah.
Speaker 2:How do I do that? What is that going to lead to? Right, right.
Speaker 1:No, nobody want to hear me tell them what in the world? Yes, but as I've gotten older, I realized just how powerful it is to be able to tell somebody that you are greater than you think that you are. You have more purpose in your life than you think that you are. And when I'm walking through my school building, I love just finding a random young man and just saying I don't know you, I don't know your name, I don't know your story, man, but you're destined for great things.
Speaker 1:There's greatness that's residing inside of you and some of them look at me like dude oh dude, you're crazy. Some of them are like you know. Thank you, nobody's ever told you, told me that always have an encouraging word in your heart, because when you wake up with the intention that you want to encourage somebody, you're going to meet somebody over the course of your day that needs that exact word that you've been marinating on. Or going back to the S, the story, never stop telling your story, because your story is seed that will always sprout in the life of somebody else when it's supposed to.
Speaker 2:That's so important and I love what you say. Here's another piece that I want to add to that part about encouragement that when you seek to be an encourager, guess what happens? You avail yourself or you are now open to being encouraged. So all of us are going to go through tough times, but when my heart becomes to be a blessing to someone else, right, god is going to provide blessings for me. I tell people we need to live our lives as if we're distribution centers, right, the more that I continue to give out, right, the more that God will pour in. And Proverbs tells us that the one who looks to refresh will be refreshed. And so this is why it's so important that we understand the reciprocal nature of what we're talking about.
Speaker 2:Right, when we seek to answer the call to lead our families and to help and to reach out to other men, to give haven to those who might be a little lost, to create a community that does just what you and I are doing, you and I put ourselves out there over social media. God made way for us to connect. We had two conversations and through some emails, we were like oh, we've decided we're not going to allow this relationship just to get away from us. We're going to encourage each other, we're going to extend ourselves, and from that we've come here today and begin to talk about so many valuable things that will go on and live beyond just this moment that people will be able to tap into and be like, wow, they were talking about that today and I really needed to hear that.
Speaker 2:And this is what you're talking about, this next piece, which is the D being determined. Staying in that place of determination to continue to say this is my life, regardless if I ever, ever get to the 200, the 200,000, the 2 million. The fact is is that when I stay determined to live my life as an encourager, to live out my unique shape, to operate with the confidence in my own skin, to be all that I'm called to be, oh, I, you know. I think that, at the end of the day, that's what life is truly all about. We were created to witness the glory of God man being. You know the image of that glory, and so, when I peel back, you know the limiting beliefs, the debilitating thoughts, all the things that keep me from my unique personhood, and I then begin to walk with a profound understanding that I am exactly who God called me to be. And here's the thing there's nobody, nobody that's ever been in creation quite like me. There's nobody that's ever walked in creation quite like you.
Speaker 1:You and.
Speaker 2:I are uniquely and specifically made for this time and season. God formed us in the womb perfectly to be exactly who we were supposed to be. We weren't meant to be here in 1776. You know what I'm saying. We weren't meant here to be in the 1800s. We were designed for now. Thank goodness. Right, exactly right. We were designed for now and regardless of whatever year you came in I hate to sound morbid, but the truth is is that we know we have an expiration date.
Speaker 2:We're not going to be here forever, so those two dates don't really mean a whole heck of a lot. You know what matters, what happens in between, right in between the dash. What are we going to do with the dash and that's? But the dash requires that you know what you live out, how you're shaped. You know it's funny. I just look at it. You know what is that shape? A lot of the same letters that are in shape are right there in dash as well, right, yep, so? So so you know.
Speaker 2:The thing is is that it's so important that you, you know you do this with a level of confidence that you may. I'm not telling you that you need to be confident tomorrow, because there's such a thing as being, you know, fake or overconfident. What I am saying is is that when you align yourself with who God has called you to be, um, you are on the road to run the race that's been marked out with you. Yes, with a whole new understanding and with an intentionality that will allow you to get to where God is calling you to be. And so my job I think you said it earlier is that I'm always arriving.
Speaker 2:I'm not worried about a destination anymore, I'm just going to stay on the course. I'm going to keep running it with running the race, with the vigor needed to reach and touch as many people as I can, and I think that in doing so, I have the capacity, or we have the capacity, to shine a light for a lot of people and to bless them. And so, hopefully, you know, in what we were able to talk about today, this requires a choice. It requires that we walk that choice out with true intentionality. Manhood is not going to happen through osmosis. It requires that we get focused and we get about doing the business according to the way that God prescribed this order for us to get it done in.
Speaker 1:Now that is a nugget. Manhood is not going to happen by osmosis. We have to choose it, and it's not just choosing one day, we have to choose it every day. If we're not choosing it every day, then it's going to get away from us, and that's just our families, our communities. They deserve better, they deserve better from us and we deserve better from us.
Speaker 1:So, guys, I know I have been encouraged, I've been just inspired and motivated. There's going to be a lot for me to think about as I'm re-listening to this episode, but men and people who love them, I hope that from this series and even if you haven't listened to the entire series, just from this episode itself, so much has been brought out, so much encouragement, so much challenge has been given that I hope that you can take a few things, or a page worth of things, but at least one thing that you can take and you can live off of and work with and meditate on for this next week or for this next month Finding your unique shape of what being a man looks like. And I think that if each of us can commit to doing that, then I think the reputation that we have in these streets as men can be improved and no longer will people talk about men like they want to spit something out onto the sidewalk.
Speaker 1:But we can be men of honor, men of good reputation, because that's who we were created to be. Ralph, I can't thank you enough for coming on this conversation. I know at the beginning I said I don't want to interview you, I just want us to have a conversation, and I think that we have done just that. But before we go, I just want to ask you and I didn't give this to you before, so I'm going to put you on the spot but when I have a guest, I like to give them about a good 60, 60, 90 seconds to give a pep talk. So, whatever's churning in your heart and I know you've already given us so much, but do you have just, you know, another 60, 90 seconds that you can just give us a pep talk from Ralph Bissard? You know, acclaimed coach leader. You know, husband, father, man, can you give us something?
Speaker 2:I can and you know. Again, I'll say this my prayer and my hope I take from the Apostle Paul in Philippians, and he says my prayer for you is that your love may abound in knowledge and insight, that you may be pure and blameless on the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the praise and glory of God. My prayer and hope for the pep squad, for all men and those who love men, is that we don't merely focus on just the divinity of Christ, but we learn from his humanity and follow the example which speaks to that when we understand who we are, we do not have to fall victim to another's perception of who we may be. We don't allow that to become our reality. I say to all of you and I say this with a clear heart and with a clear mind that you are powerful beyond measure, that you were made for significance. You have a mission and assignment that no one else can quite walk out like you, and when you embrace that mission, that assignment, you will understand what it means to live with purpose. But, more importantly, you will receive the blessing that comes from fulfillment. And so I challenge you, I ask all of you to not only consider what we say. Today. I'm asking you to do the work, matter of fact. Scripture says study thy word to show yourself approved as workmen unto God, needing not to be shamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. If there's a right way, there's a wrong way, and if you don't study, you don't know which way you're dividing it. And so I challenge you look into the depths of your heart. Begin to look at your unique story. Know what's in your heart, be available to the opportunities, allow your perspective to grow, to get beyond what has been given to you, only that you're now walking out and just living as a victim. Begin to see yourself the way that God sees you. Be encouraged that you are loved and highly favored, and then walk with that determination. Finally, I leave you with this last thought a mentor left with me.
Speaker 2:We find ourselves a lot of times just at the precipice or at the beginning of the abyss. We're on the side of a cliff and the calling comes and says hey, come, look what I have for you. We fight it. We fight it. We fight it Because we say what if I fall? What if I get hurt? The calling happens again, because the call won't return, void. It says come to this cliff, look and see what I have over for you. You build up enough gumption to take a couple of steps just to look over and just in that moment, opportunity and possibility will push you off. But that's not what you. Falling off is not the end of the story, because it's in that falling. That's where you're going to learn to fly. Go ahead and fly, be all that God called you to be. Begin to understand that the possibility in life is never going to be on the sidelines or the side of the cliff. It'll be in the abyss, you finding out all that you were created to be.
Speaker 2:I am so thankful that you allowed me to be here with you, justin. I am just so blessed that we were able to spend this time and as a token of my appreciation I'd like to give to all the pep squad, to all of your listeners. I want to extend to them the possibility of a free gift If you just go to ralphbassartcom forward slash free gift. I'd like to just send out to each and every one of your listeners just five practical steps on how to develop your leadership. It helps you with your mission statement, your vision statement and your governing values, and so again, that's what I'd like to extend to all your believers for allowing me to just chop it up with you today. Thank you so much, man, from the bottom of my heart.
Speaker 1:Man, I'm going to grab that free gift for myself myself. Man, that abyss thing. Wow, that hit me differently. I've never heard that before. That's really really good. Thank you for sharing it and thank you for just speaking into our lives and also for letting people know how they can get in contact with you. Listen, if you were looking for someone to be a speaker and to bring this what you've just listened to to your organization. If you're looking for one-on-one coaching, if you're looking for group coaching, ralph has all of that available on his website, ralphbassardcom. It's a beautiful website too. It's a really, really good website, and y'all just look him up. Purchase his book Shape to Lead. You could get it on Amazon or you can go through his website to get it. Get his book, and this won't be the last time that we have you on the podcast, ralph, because there's a lot more that we can dig into Developmental things, more leadership things. There's just a lot of things. So this won't be the last time that you all hear from Ralph being on the Pep Talk podcast.
Speaker 2:Well, again, I thank you so much and I look forward to it. Man, god bless you. You keep doing what you're doing because, again, as I said, how I found you was through your website and, as I said, I truly feel like we're kindred spirits. I immediately felt the synergy and I'm hey, I'm letting you know, I'm a lifelong member. Now I'm a part of the Pep Squad, so keep doing what you're doing, all right.
Speaker 1:Appreciate you, brother, appreciate you and everybody. We will be right back to wrap up this amazing episode of the pep talk podcast. It's your boy, coach Jay, along with Ralph Bissard, and we will be right back Now. There is not much more that I can say on this episode that was not said over the last couple of episodes, over the last couple of over this conversation. It in in a season where we've had some really dynamic guests. I think this episode it really takes the cake as Ralph broke down his shaped protocol for leadership. You can easily see men, how, if we're choosing to be intentional about our manhood, we can take each one of those letters S-H-A-P-E-D and we can appropriate them into our lives in an intentional way. That is really going to help us to be better, to help men to have a better representation in the world. We get angry when we see all of the money that's spent on Mother's Day and how men are not quite as honored on Father's Day and I think it comes down to the way that we're presenting and representing ourselves. And what if we were to men fathers, brothers what if we were to change that? Just in our realm of influence, change how we are influencing other men, younger men, older men, whoever Change how we're mentoring, change how we're speaking, change how we are identifying ourselves and who we're choosing to be when we wake up in the morning. Men, I'm going to tell you that you are shaped for a particular brand of manhood. You are equipped to be that man. You can be that leader. You can be that prophet, that priest, that king. It's inside of you. It's there, I promise you. It is Just tap in and don't be afraid to let it come out of you. Be courageous, Be courageous. And Ralph Bessard he left us his contact information. It'll also be in the show notes as well. I want you all to reach out to him. If you're needing someone to speak to your organization, if you're looking for a mentor or for a coach, hit Ralph up. Hit Ralph up, and I can say with extreme certainty that he has within him what it will take to bring out of you what has been placed inside of you. All right, so I'm going to wrap this episode here and I'm going to tell you that next episode, episode 36, is going to be. It's going to be our last episode for this season. I think it just feels right. It feels right on the heels of this great two part episode to wrap next week with one more episode before we take a break, before we come back for season three, which sounds so crazy.
Speaker 1:Season three of the Pep Talk podcast, and I'm excited about it. So y'all know how we like to end it Keep it love, keep it light and keep it peppy. And also let us know what you have thought about these two episodes as a whole. What has stood out to you, what is stuck? What are you marinating on, what are you processing? Reach out to us at thepeppodcast, at gmailcom or at underscore JBSpeaks on Instagram. I can't wait to hear from you. I love you. Y'all know the purpose of this podcast is to cheer you on, to coach you up. So continue leaving those reviews, leave those ratings and I will see you next week. Y'all be blessed, peace.