Let's Talk Midlife
Let's Talk Midlife
06: You're Gonna Love What This Youthful Woman of 89 Years Has To Share!
Our first guest on Let's Talk Midlife is the amazing Thelma R. Thomas, a lively 89-year-young woman who is a storyteller, actor, athlete, and more.
She will be discussing some of the most meaningful moments of her life, offering advice to the younger generations on how to live a fulfilling life, and sharing the most unexpected occurrences she has seen as an African-American in her lifetime.
Press play for an inspiring and thought-provoking conversation with Thelma R. Thomas!
Stan Store https://stan.store/Hardeelife
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/hardeelife/
TikTok https://tiktok.com/@hardeelife
Midlifers, welcome to Let's Talk Midlife. I'm the Midlife Maven, your host, Natasha Hardy of Hardy Life, because you deserve a hearty life. This podcast is for midlife women who want to learn tips, tools, and strategies to get through their second season of life. Have you ever struggled with poor self-care, lack of confidence, having no plan and the fear of aging? Well, you're in the right place. Press play and let's dive into today's episode.
SPEAKER_00:Happy midlife to you. Happy midlife.
SPEAKER_01:Welcome to Let's Talk Midlife. I have my guest here, Thelma Ruffin Thomas, who is my client. And I really wanted to interview Thelma because she's 89 years young and I feel like she has wisdom to give midlifers and even people who are younger than midlife how to live a long, fulfilling life. So Ms. Thelma, introduce yourself and then I'll give you the first question.
SPEAKER_02:My name is Thelma Ruffin Thomas, just to let you know. I'm a storytelling woman going fast, not slow. So you better pay attention to this rap of mine. If you can't keep up, you'll be left behind. Well, I am the mother of two young men and they live nearby. And so I see them often and I talk to my grandkids and my great-grands fairly often and travel with them. But mostly I do things with my friends and I am a storyteller. I am a athlete. And what else am I? I'm a storyteller and an athlete. Yes.
SPEAKER_01:And a grandmother and a mother. Yes. Great
SPEAKER_02:grandmother.
SPEAKER_01:Great-grandmother. How many grandchildren do you have?
SPEAKER_02:Seven grand and seven great-grand, and there might be one on the way. Who knows?
SPEAKER_01:Uh-oh,
SPEAKER_02:uh-oh,
SPEAKER_01:uh-oh, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_02:And they all seem to be being conceived so that they are born in February. So I've got at least three of them who were born in February. So February 6th, I'll be 89. February 6th, Imani. was born on February 6th, 25 years ago. And her mother was also born in February. My father was born February 5th. My great-grandson Dylan was born on February 5th. And my other great-grandson was born on February 4th. And his name is Cameron with a K.
SPEAKER_01:Okay. So you're like me, myself, my mother, my son, and my granddaughter were all born in December. So we have something in common there, which I never really knew that. I've known Ms. Thelma for over about 10 years and she's my client and she's very much into her wellness. So what are some of the most meaningful moments in your life?
SPEAKER_02:The most meaningful is the day I graduated from Fordham University, the graduation to get my BA. And I had gone to school for 10 years at night, working full time. And the graduation was held at Avery Fisher Hall. And I stood there waiting to walk down the steps at Avery Fisher Hall, and the tears were just flowing. the lady behind me was saying, why are you crying? I said, I am just so happy. I never thought this would happen because I worked full-time as a supervisor at the library and I went to school at night at Fordham University at Lincoln Center in New York City. So that was wonderful.
SPEAKER_01:Wonderful. why did you have to go to school at night? Like what was the catalyst for you having these tears? There was something that occurred in your life early on that had you questioning whether or not you'd be able to get an education.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I was one of those children. My mother had four children, one boy and three girls, and I was mouth almighty and tongue everlasting. And so I thought that I knew more than she. And so I took the hard road. and the hard road was being a pregnant teen at 14. And so I was very good in my studies and I knew that I was going to be a teacher and that definitely was a hiccup. At that time you got married and so I married the young man And one of the worst days was going to Washington Irving High School. I remember it was February and I went in to tell them that I would not be continuing in the school because I was pregnant. At that time, they did not have a school for pregnant teens. And so off I went to live with my mother-in-law, which was horrible. And then when I became pregnant with the second child, things were not going the way it should. And my mother found a room for me to stay in, which was near where she lived. And she lived on 127th, where we were raised, between Park and Madison. And I was in a room and house on 127th. and I had to share the kitchen and the bathroom and so with the other people and it was horrible but I learned quite a lot. I met a wonderful woman named Margie Blake and she had two children and she was also a single mother and we shared a lot of things in order to, my husband would not pay for the child support. And so I received welfare and I also supplemented my welfare. I cleaned other people's homes. And so Margie was very helpful because I was determined to finish high school. And so she took care of my children while I went to school at night. And so I went to a school up in the Bronx and I got my high school diploma.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. And you've shared this story with me before, so I'm going to share it with the audience. When Miss Thelma, how she got pregnant is the guy told her that she couldn't get pregnant standing up, having sex standing up. So for those of you out here who are listening that got young children and grandchildren, tell them don't believe all that stuff. Absolutely. Ms. Thelma is a product of somebody who told her at 14 that she could not get pregnant standing up. FYI.
SPEAKER_02:That stand-up baby is 72 years old. So that ain't working.
SPEAKER_01:Would have been some... Well, you told me about what was some of the most rewarding experiences. One was you... actually graduating from college and high school. Is there anything else that you wanna share that's been rewarding in your life that you didn't tell us so far?
SPEAKER_02:Well, I think one of the most rewarding was also graduating from Queens College and receiving my master's in library science. All my grandkids were there. I remember Brucie, my grandson, throwing the hat that we wear up in the air. And there were so many thrown up in the air, he was trying to find mine. And I said, it's not a problem. I don't have to take the same hat back. So that was also very, and I think also one of the most rewarding was receiving medals for swimming. I did not realize that I had won a medal because I felt that I was slow, but they said it's in your age group. So at that time I was in, when I became associated with this group called the Honeys and Bears, the Harlem Honeys and Bears, they, you compete in your age group. So I was able to receive gold medals, silver and bronze medals. And so this year I will be going to the national game, which will be held in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and I have qualified. And so I will be participating and hopefully I will finish. I don't care about winning the medal. I just want to finish.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so becoming a storyteller was very rewarding for you. And as a woman, as an African-American woman, what has been rewarding to you being in the African-American community? I
SPEAKER_02:have just received so many honors. And when I say honors, just a compliment is an honor to me that people will come up and say that, you know, I remember that story you told last year because I do go to conferences And many times I do workshops and I'm featured. And so when I go to the Black Storytellers, the National Association of Black Storytellers in November, and when I go to the biblical, the network of biblical storytellers, and I've been going there for over 20 years. And I'm also known as the rapping grandma, because I do raps. I have a friend who wrote raps for me. and who's now an ancestor and I will miss her. And especially when I was in India, they were just so amazed that I, as a older woman, I was the only Black woman in the group that went to represent the network of biblical storytellers. And I was the oldest.
SPEAKER_01:How old were you at that time?
SPEAKER_02:Well, that was 19. Yeah, 2020. I was
SPEAKER_01:86 at the time. Celebrated your 86th birthday in India. Well,
SPEAKER_02:no, I came back the day before. The day before, yeah, I came back.
SPEAKER_01:But you celebrated your birthday there.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yes, we did. Yes, we did celebrate. So that was wonderful. And I did a workshop. I did the rap there. And they just thought I was the cat's meow. And you are.
SPEAKER_01:How about that? There's no thinking about it. What advice would you give the younger generation about living life to the fullest?
SPEAKER_02:Celebrate your successes. Learn from your missteps. Celebrate your successes and learn from your missteps. Because we're all going to make those missteps. And you can always change it. Tomorrow is another opportunity to change it. And follow your dream. Follow your dream. Because I wasn't able to swim when I was coming up, but I was determined to learn to swim as an adult, and I did. And
SPEAKER_01:how old were you when you began to swim, when you started swimming?
SPEAKER_02:I was about 50. So I was able to pay for the, the kids were grown and I was able to pay for the lessons. And I remember that day, the last thing at the class, my coach said to me that, you know, you have to dive. That's part of the lessons. I said, oh no, I can't. She said, oh yes, you can dive. So I did. And I swam to the, I dived in the deep end and swam to the shallow and I heard all this noise. And when I got to the end and I looked up and all my classmates were clapping, that was wonderful. So during the COVID, I was not able to practice with the honeys and bears. And while, you know, I was looking at television and they had the Paralympics, they had the swimming, A couple of the ladies had parts of their bodies that didn't work. And one lady did not have but one arm. And I said, I have two arms. And she was diving. So when I went back to the Honeys and Bears to practice, I told the coach that I want to learn how to dive. And so we started doing that. And each time I also was practicing for the competition. So I would do at least five dives. in the six feet water. And each time I looked down into the water and it was just, the fear came up, but I said, you have to do it. He would put my arms where it was supposed to be, have me bend my knees. Sometimes it was perfect, sometimes it wasn't. But each time I did it and one of the other ladies came up to me and said, why are you doing this? I said, because I want to. I didn't feel I needed to explain. This is what I want to do.
SPEAKER_01:Mm-hmm. So do you remember how old you were when you started with the Honey and Bears?
SPEAKER_02:I've been with them at least four years now. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm working on giving the audience a context of how you're doing all these things, traveling to India in your 80s, joining the Honey and Bears in your 80s. And then starting a career as a storyteller, at what age were you then?
SPEAKER_02:Well, when I retired, I retired early. I retired at 59. I had planned on working until I dropped because I really had gone to school all those 10 years and then five years for my master's. And so I loved what I did. My specialty was young adults. That was the group that I worked with. I would call the school. I would have the classes come to the library when it was closed. I would show them how to use the library. At that time, when I started in 1959, something that we had to... card catalog. And then we went to the book and then, so they would come when the library was closed. I would show them how to look up things for their homework. And then I would do a book talk. I would do a book that's for leisure reading. And I would make sure I had copies there for them to take out. And they would have the library to themselves so that when they came in, when the library was open to the public, I was the person that they knew they would come to and ask, you know, for different things. So when I had a accident a car accident serious one and I didn't walk for almost two years and so that really did me and when I did go back I had pain I had a plate in my shoulder and a plate in my ankle on the left side and I took nine aspirins one day and I was in pain and at that time I was branch librarian I did not want to be a cranky supervisor so you could retire in the library at 55 and so I did I was 59. And I didn't know what I would be doing. I cried all the way home. But I asked God to give me enough money to tell stories at least once a month, to travel three times a year, and to be able to pay the maintenance on my apartment. And she has done it double. So I have always told stories. My mother, if she could come from heaven, she would tell you that I was the liar in the family. But now I get paid to do it, so now I'm called a storyteller. I would never have dreamed that it would come to this, that I would be all, been all over the world telling stories, traveled all over the world, and also traveled with my grandchildren, you know, and my great-grand, so that's really
SPEAKER_01:wonderful. One of the things I want to preference here is, again, like I said earlier, you started storytelling around 59. You started swimming around the age of 50. You've been traveling the world and you're still traveling. You're getting ready to go somewhere in a couple of months. And You are winning medals and you are still living your vision. So you have dreams, aspirations at 89 and you still are doing things scared, doing things that challenge you and you're not allowing the fear to stop you. And that's the important point I want to make here with everyone who's listening, who are in their 40s, who I'm sure to you seem like babies, 40s, 50s and 60s we probably are like children compared to where you are because you're about to turn 89 and that's 19 years and in a 10 year span of time I'm sure you've been able to accomplish a number of things and the idea is that age is just a number not a limitation that I like to speak into and that it is so important to live your life and go after what you want. Like you're never too old. Here we're speaking to you at 89 and you still have aspirations and goals and dreams that you deserve to fulfill. And you're looking to do that. And that's what I think is so amazing from your storytelling. Now, the thing I want people to know, and you could correct me here, I know this because I'm your trainer and that we talk about this. Ms. Thelma has a plate in her left ankle. She has had both knees replaced. She's had her left hip replaced and she has a plate in her left shoulder and she still does all of this. Now, the accident that caused a lot of this, how old were you when you had this accident?
SPEAKER_02:I... I retired at 59, so it must have been about 58 or 57 because soon after that is when I retired because I was knocked down by a car and then I worked a couple of years and then I had to retire. So it was, yeah, I would say that was
SPEAKER_01:around that time. So basically what I'm saying here, what I'd like to illuminate to the audience is, Ms. Thelma, even with all of these adversities of her not being able to walk after this car accident, her learning how to re-walk, retiring to becoming a storyteller, traveling the world. And she's been working out all this time too. Like I'm probably her second or third trainer. All of these activities you can do and you want to leave up out of here saying, I wrote it to the wheels fell off. Not that you have to resign yourself to, you don't have to resign yourself to, well, I'm 50 and life is over. I'm 60. That's the 70 or 40. It is not that. Live life. And this is why I wanted to have you on here. And here's a question. What have been some of the biggest challenges changes you've seen in the world over your lifetime?
SPEAKER_02:The biggest change that I saw was having a Black president. I never ever thought that that would ever happen. And by the way, I do have a job. I work, I am the Artistic Director of the Pearls of Wisdom and I have been working as the Artistic Director for over 20 years. Right.
SPEAKER_01:And also you have your own organization called what?
SPEAKER_02:The African Folk Heritage Circle. I am the president. We are a chapter. It's a storytelling organization. We are a chapter of the National Association of Black Storytellers, and it's called the African Folk Heritage Circle. And it's about 25 years. We meet once every a month at Sisters Uptown Bookstore in Harlem. I am also actress and I will be in Chekhov's play, Uncle Vanya at the end of April. And after that, I will be going off to St. Martin's for a vacation.
SPEAKER_01:What I'd like the audience to know, you have your experience as a storyteller running the pearls of wisdom the african folk heritage and once a month you do you tell stories at the bookstore so i want to just make it clear to the audience that if you're in harlem and you want to see miss thelma tell stories and her storytellers tell stories and it's really good i posted this on one of my instagram stories some time ago or telling the story sisters uptown bookstore every which tuesday second tuesday first tuesday first tuesday of the month
SPEAKER_02:at two o'clock two to four
SPEAKER_01:o'clock sisters uptown bookstore you can look that up and miss dumbo also used to do facebook lives y'all once a week and tell stories during the pandemic she's up with the technology y'all Also, I want to let everyone know that you are a native New Yorker. You were born and raised here in New York and has lived here all your life. Is that accurate?
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:And gone to school here, educated here, as you heard her mention earlier in the program. So, Ms. Thelma, do you have a little story you want to tell us before you leave? A little quick story? I
SPEAKER_02:did not like housework. I felt that it was abusive for her to ask me to even sweep, to even cook, to do anything. And I was a reader. I read all the time. I would grind it, burning up the rice and everything because she would tell me to put the rice on because she worked. And so one day she said to me, well, no, you have to do, there's things that you have to do in the house. And so I had to go and clean up her room, which I hated. And so I cleaned up the room, I dusted, and then I decided to get one of those nice big safety pins and I pinned the sheets. And I covered it up and I said, okay, now I can go play in the streets. And mama said, no, you gotta go and take that pin out of the sheets. I said, what pin? She said, the one that you just pinned. I said, oh no, not me. And she took me into the bedroom and I didn't know that she was looking because we had what they call French doors and she could look right in and see what I was doing. And so she uncovered it and there was the pin. And she said, did you put that there? I said, no, I did not. And so I had to of course take the pin out and I did not go out to play that day. But if mama could come from heaven and daddy could come from hell, I was still, deny taking the pen out of those sheets. You mean putting the pens in the sheet? Putting the pens in the sheets. And that's my story and I am sticking to it.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, thank you. You got another, do you have another one for us with the little honey and the
SPEAKER_02:ant? Oh yeah, well, you know, one day the ant was crawling along and he was out and he saw this little crumb And the crumb had some marmalade on it. That crumb is kind of big, but he knew that if he could just get that crumb to the rest of his family, they would have a wonderful meal. And so that ants, he pushed and he pushed and he pushed and he pushed. Oh, I'm not going to make it. I am just exhausted. And so a bird up in the tree heard him and said, what's wrong, Mr. Ant? What's going on? He said, I got this crumb that I want to take to my family and I'm so tired. I don't think that I will be able to get it there. He said, oh, maybe I can help. And that bird fell down, flew down and took a bite off of that crumb. And the ant said, that's not the way I wanted you to help me. That's not helping. But the bird just chuckled and went about his business. And so that ant said, okay. And he pushed and he pushed and he pushed and he pushed and he pushed. And along came another bird and the bird said, what's wrong? He says, well, I'm trying to get this crumb to my family and it's big and I don't think I can make it. And he said, do you need help? He said, no, no, no, no. I don't need any help at all. And that bird went flying off and that ant just pushed and pushed and pushed and finally got that crumb to the family and they had a meal and everyone really enjoyed it. So in life, you just got to keep on pushing and keep on pushing and keep on pushing and don't let nothing stop you because your reward is going to be coming. And that's my story. And
SPEAKER_01:that is the end of it. Well, thank you for joining us, Ms. Thelma. That is the end of this episode. We thank you for coming in here and spending time with us and being the first guest on Let's Talk Midlife. Thank you. Thank you for listening in today. You could have been anywhere and you chose to be here. And for that, I truly am grateful. If you have any questions about today's topic or any of the topics, feel free to email me at N-A-T-A-S-C-H-A-H-A-R-D-E-E dot com. Info at Natasha Hardy dot com. feel free to reach out to me on Instagram and TikTok at Hardy Life. That's H-A-R-D-E-E Life. You can also find me on LinkedIn at Natasha Hardy. Remember, if nobody's told you that they love you today, let me be the first to say I love you. And there ain't nothing you can do about it. Go be amazing because you are. Yes, you are.