Let's Talk Midlife
Let's Talk Midlife
07: Midlifers Dating Tips From A Real Matchmaker!!!
Matchmakers aren't just on television. You can listen in to find out about midlife dating and what it takes for this certified matchmaker & relationship coach Trenia Norford to maintain her 86% success rate.
Press play to hear dating tips from a professional.
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Midlifers, welcome to Let's Talk Midlife. I'm the Midlife Maven, your host, Natasha Hardy of Hardy Life, because you deserve a hearty life. This is a podcast for midlife women who want to learn tips, tools, and strategies to get through their second season of life. Have you ever struggled with poor self-care, lack of confidence, having no plan, and the fear of aging? Well, you're in the right place. Press play and let's dive into today's episode. Happy Midlife to you. Happy Midlife. Welcome back to Let's Talk Midlife. Today, we are meeting with Trinia Ford, and she is a matchmaker. So Trinia, introduce yourself and tell us all about you.
SPEAKER_00:Trinia Norford. Well, first of all, thank you very much, Natasha, for having me on your podcast. I'm honored to be here. So thank you for that. My name is Trinia Norford. I am a professional matchmaker. I've been matchmaking for over 11 years, helping people find love, helping people find their person. And, you know, I got started 11 years ago, because I wanted to create more of a work-life balance for myself, just had my first child. And I just thought that working in corporate and coming home every day, just in time to give him a bath and bring him to bed, that wasn't good enough for me. So I turned what I've been doing forever, like as a hobby, which was matching people, I decided to turn that into a business and Connectricity. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:That's awesome. Now that was what inspired you to become a matchmaker. What do you believe sets your matchmaking services apart from other services?
SPEAKER_00:That's a great question. I actually just answered that yesterday on a prospect call. You know, I would say that it's, you know, it's, you're getting me, right? I'm a very personable individual. I'm very professional, but I'm very personable. So you're not coming to someone who, you know, just all about, you know, like the data or the information. Like I want to get to know you. I want to essentially have a relationship with you so that I can understand what your wants, what your needs are, understand your criteria so that I can be a better matchmaker. That's very important. So Essentially, I become my client's friends. And as a result, it helps me to find a great person for them. And when I say a great person, it could be someone who you may not think is a great person for you, right? But because I'm getting to know you, I know your personality, I'll know what actually makes sense with you. or for you, I will go ahead and find someone that will be a good fit for you.
SPEAKER_01:You have from the outside looking in and you may be able to see qualities the individual themselves are not able to see. That's what I'm hearing you say. And also the other part that sounds really positive to me is that you're interested in building a relationship. You want to build a relationship. You want to connect with the person. You want to get to know their ins and outs so that when you find their prospect partner, each person you know very well, it sounds like, that you dig into to really make a good connection. And to me, what it sounds like is You doing for someone what they can't do for themselves.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you know, it's, it's, yeah, no, you're right on. I speak to multiple people on a daily basis and every single person has a story as to, you know, who they are now, why they, you know, why they're at the place that they're in right now and, or at hearing these stories from it helps me to understand who they are as an individual. So I don't know if you ever heard this term, but, you know, people tend to date their ex. And so, you know, what I mean when I say that is you're attracted to who you're attracted to. It is what it is. But that person that you're attracted to, it doesn't mean that that's your person, that that's the person that's healthy for you, that that's the person that's going to help you thrive, to be, you know... a great dad, if that's what you're looking for, or a great partner, whatever it is, that person may not be healthy for you. And so you find yourself at the same spot over and over and over again, right? You get into a relationship, you're attracted to that person, things are going well. And then month six, you notice a couple of, you know, maybe yellow flags, not quite red, but some yellow flags and you ignore them because the passion is still there. You're physically attracted to that person. And then month 12 comes and you're like, those yellow flags have now turned into red flags and you're like, questioning why am I still with this person? Should I continue? And then year one goes into year two, three. And then next thing you know, you've wasted your thirties on someone who is not your person and never will be your person. So hearing stories allows me to curate a partner for my client. That is really a part, a person that's going to be, um, great for them, healthy for them, you know, help them enjoy life and also help them, you know, enjoy who they are as an individual.
SPEAKER_01:I will say, been there, I've been there, I've done that. So absolutely, yes, I totally get that. Trinia, tell the audience, what's your success rate?
SPEAKER_00:So my success rate is 86%. And so when you hear that, you're like, oh my God, that's so high. But there's like components to that, right? So my success rate is 86%. And the way I define success is I introduce you to someone And the person I introduced you to, you guys enter a long-term relationship. May end up in marriage, may not. But the fact that you guys entered into a long-term relationship because of my introduction, I consider that a success. Another component to that is I'm a certified coach, right? Relationship dating coach. Throughout the process, there are some individuals where they may not necessarily find love through the process, but... they're able, and through the, let me take a step back. They may not have been able to find love through the introductions that I have made, right? However, their outlook in life is so much more brighter. They're so, so much more confident because of the coaching sessions that we've had. So now they they're, they're meeting people, right? Maybe at a grocery store, maybe just walking, you know, taking a walk with their dog, whatever it is, maybe online, but because their outlook, their confidence is so much higher. People are more attracted to them. And so to me, that's also a success because they've gone through my program and they're able to now exude this confidence, this wonderful self-awareness that's so attractive to people that they're now able to meet someone who they can potentially enter a relationship with. So it's two components, right? Meet my introductions, but then also a character shift,
SPEAKER_01:if you will. Absolutely. I mean, your point is so valid because I'm a coach and And the whole thing about coaching is to really support people in overcoming their obstacles or to create an outcome that they may not be able to reach on their own. So I think it's amazing that you are not only a matchmaker, but you're a relationship coach. And that is so key because most of the time when people come to relationships, Some of what's happening is trauma, unhealed trauma, pain and hurt that from the past that they may not see is interrupting how they're relating, not only romantically, but in other partnerships with friends and family. So important to get coaching and to want to do the work. The main part about this is that you get the person who wants to do the work because when you do the work, The work works when you work it. So if you're not willing to do the work, you're not going to get the end product. So I think that is amazing. Thank you so much for that. What tips or advice do you have for someone who's looking for love?
SPEAKER_00:Be open. You know, be open to the process, the process of finding love. You know, I mentioned moments ago that We tend to date our ex, the people that we're just attracted to. In my humble opinion, that's not being open to the process. Date someone that you haven't dated before. Be open to understanding that your person may not be in the same town, may not be in the same city, may not even be in the same state. My husband, we started dating when he was in Texas and I was in New York. So 13 years later, married, two dogs, I mean, one dog, two kids, and we're all good. So be open to not only dating someone that you've never dated before, but also open to understanding that again, that person, your person may not be in the same city state that you live in.
SPEAKER_01:Awesome. That is some great advice. The final question I have for today, and I will just say that Trini and I agree that we will be meeting regularly because this is a conversation that gets to develop and unpack. So anyone who's listening to this episode and you have questions and you want to know more about dating, please send your questions in to me. So that I can set this up for Trinia. Again, the final question is what are the most common mistakes people make when looking for a partner?
SPEAKER_00:The most common mistakes people make would be, I know I sound like a broken record with the idea of I'm attracted to who I'm attracted to and that's it. That's all I want to date. I just want to date who I'm attracted to. That's fine. But how has that been for you so far? What good has that done for you so far? Again, being open. I know that's a very kind of general statement, very basic statement, but it's hard for people to be open. It's hard for people to change. you, you know, but change could be a wonderful thing, especially if you're in a rut, especially if you're in a position where you're just like, you don't see that silver lining. You just don't, you know, you're, you're like, when is it, when is it, when am I going to find love? When is it my, you know, when, when, when will my chance come when you feel that way? And that's in life in general, when you feel that way, then it's time for a change. Yeah. It's time for a change. So be open to that change. I would say another thing, a lot of people, which is fine, they have a checklist of physical attributes, characteristics that they want their mate, their partner to have. That's okay. But use it as a guide, right? Let's not, it's not the Bible. We don't have to stop and end there. It's not the word. So be okay with using it as a reference, as a guide, and deviating from it a little bit. The only thing that I would say, choosing someone with the same key life values
SPEAKER_02:as you.
SPEAKER_00:That you don't deviate from, right? That's important to you. If your spirituality or religion is a key life value at your core, that's what you want to make sure your partner has, don't deviate from that. But if someone is on your list, you have your ideal partner as six feet tall and you're 5'3", it's okay to date someone that's 5'10", 5'9", even. It's okay. Trust me, especially if they have everything else checked off your list. So that's kind of, you know, that would be my advice. Be open, use your checklist if you have one as a guide.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, I lied. I have one question, one more question to ask you. And it's basically about midlifers because I'm sure you have, midlife clients. And there's probably a clear distinction between your midlife clients and the clients who are younger. What advice would you give a midlifer who's looking for love? If you can. I
SPEAKER_00:actually love my midlife, my midlifers, my midlife clients, because I, I, Nine times out of 10, first of all, they're experienced, right? Either they've been married or maybe they're divorced or long-term relationship, whatever it is, they're experienced and they're not afraid to love. So I actually enjoy working with them. But one piece of advice that I would give to them is sometimes I find that their confidence level is a little lower, right? And the reason why is because the dating scene is completely different today than it was yesterday. And so being able to kind of navigate throughout the, you know, the dating process can be scary and overwhelming. You know, even if you don't work with a matchmaker, but working with someone, maybe a coach or, you know, a good friend that gives good solid advice, you know, to help you with kind of navigating, you know, dating, I think is key, right? Because it's very important to stay confident and happy, right? It's very, very important because your personality, whatever you're feeling is gonna come out on the date. And all you want to come out on the date, especially the first date is, you know, the confidence, the happiness, the excitement, the great outlook, that you have towards life. Like you want all of that beauty to come out, right? I know that was a long-winded answer, but just to kind of make it more succinct, my advice to midlifers is to date with confidence and surround yourself, again, if it's someone, if a coach or a friend, but surround yourself with positive people that will help you date with confidence.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, absolutely. That's key. Before we go, can you... share with people how they can reach you for your services as a matchmaker?
SPEAKER_00:Sure. So I'm all over social media. You know, for Instagram, Connectricity, right? That's at Connectricity. You can go to my site, Connectricitymatch.com. I'm on LinkedIn, Trinian Norford. And I mean, that's it. LinkedIn, Instagram. I mean, I'm on Twitter and Facebook. But if you, you know, if you go to either my site or Instagram or LinkedIn, you'll find me. Again, LinkedIn, Trinia Norford, Instagram, Connectricity. My website's ConnectricityMatch.com.
SPEAKER_01:Can you spell Connectricity so they can
SPEAKER_00:know? Absolutely. Connectricity. C-O-N-N-T-R-I-C-I-T-Y. E-C-T-R-I-C-T-Y, match, M-A-T-C-H.com, connectricitymatch.com.
SPEAKER_01:Awesome. Thank you for your time, Trinia. It has been amazing. I really appreciate you coming and sharing your knowledge, wisdom, and expertise from one midlifer to another. Thank you for having me, Natasha. It's always a pleasure. You're welcome. Just so that you all know that Trinia is a midlifer. So you're getting advice and information from a midlifer, which yay, go fellow midlifer. And that's it for today's show. If you all have questions, connect with me offline. You know where to find me. And we will be back at another time to meet with Trinia. Have an amazing week. Thank you for listening in today. You could have been anywhere and you chose to be here. And for that, I truly thank you. Remember to like, subscribe and leave a review at the end of this podcast. Follow me on Instagram and TikTok at Hardy Life. That's H-A-R-D-E-E Life. Also, you can catch me on LinkedIn And under my name, Natasha Hardy. Nobody's told you that they love you today. Let me be the first to say I love you. And there ain't nothing you can do about it. Go be amazing because you are. Because you are. Until next time.