From Routine to Romance: Ignite Your Relationship Again | Doing Life with Ken & Tabatha

Has your relationship started to feel more like routine than romance? 😬 You’re not alone — most couples hit seasons where the spark fades and connection feels distant. But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

In this episode, Pastors Ken & Tabatha Claytor get real about what causes relationships to lose their spark and share 5 practical ways to bring it back — emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Whether you’ve been married for 2 years or 20, these truths will help you reconnect, rekindle affection, and protect your “us” from the noise of life. 💛

💭 What You’ll Learn:

• Why love can fade even in healthy marriages
• How to rebuild emotional and physical connection
• Simple habits that reignite passion and appreciation
• How to protect your marriage from routine
• Biblical principles that strengthen lasting love

🕊 Scripture References:

• Proverbs 20:5
• 1 Thessalonians 5:18
• Song of Solomon 1:2
• Genesis 2:24

❤️ Want to Go Deeper?

Check out our Marriage Bootcamp — where we share “100 Romantic Ideas” to help couples spark joy and intimacy again.
👉 Visit KenAndTabatha.com

📍 Join us in Florida at Alive Church — with campuses in Orlando, Tampa & Gainesville.
🎟 And don’t miss Alive Conference coming soon — 3 days that can change the next 30 years of your life!

💬 Share your story: Has this episode helped your marriage? Comment below or email us your testimony!
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https://www.kenandtabatha.com/pl/2148103888

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Transcript

From Hot to Habit: Naming the Rut

SPEAKER_00 0:00

There's a lot of people who feel like things used to be hot. It used to be a thrill, but now they're in a place where the relationship is just routine. Why do you think there's so many um married couples that get there? And what can we do to get out of it?

SPEAKER_03 0:16

Why is because life happens. Okay. You know, we get married, um, we have kids, we have businesses, we are successful. We go from one business to three businesses, we go to, you know, one kid to four kids. I mean, like you name it. Like we just keep gaining responsibility.

Routine Is Normal—Don’t Get Stuck

SPEAKER_00 0:35

I think I like that. So the first thing that we would tell you guys to do is you gotta normalize that. There are some things in life that it's not like your marriage is in a bad place because we're not like we used to be. No, life happened. Right. And it's happening to everybody. Let's just normalize that for a moment, but not let ourselves get stuck there. Hey, what's up, family? So good to be back with you guys for another episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha. I'm excited about the content today. We're gonna share some things out of the reservoir of our marriage to really help you be hopeless romantics. And so the subtitle today is entitled From Routine to Romance: Ignite Your Relationship Again. All right, and so Tabitha and I, we've been married for 26 years. On a scale of one to ten, ten being perfect, where would you rate me as a romantic?

SPEAKER_03 1:28

Ah, define romantic.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Do I need to do that? I mean, it is what it is.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

Um on a scale of one to ten, where would I rate you as a romantic? I would say seven.

SPEAKER_00 1:43

Okay. Why?

SPEAKER_03 1:45

I wouldn't count you as the most romantic person in the world.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 1:49

No.

SPEAKER_00 1:49

Why not?

Meet Ken and Tabitha: 26 Years In

SPEAKER_03 1:50

I'm surprised that you um don't know that. Um I think you're sweet, kind, loving, like you take care of me so well, and you're, you know, fun and stuff. But I think when I think of romance, I think of someone who's writing me love songs and poems and letters and laying out, you know, roses and candlelight and like touchy feely, like, you know, a lot of people. You want a girl.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

You want a girl. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 2:19

Well, that's romance to me. So I would here's the thing.

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Have I ever done any of that before? Yes. Okay. So what would what would I need to do to not be a seven, to be an eight or nine? What would I need to do? You would need to To do more of those things, or is it something else?

SPEAKER_03 2:36

Um You would I don't know. You would need to, yeah, like This is news to me.

SPEAKER_00 2:42

I'm hearing it first, just like you guys are.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

You would need to like hold my hand and look into my eyes and give me kisses and but I do that.

SPEAKER_00 2:53

You just want more.

SPEAKER_03 2:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Man, so I'm at a seven. So you probably don't want me to go to work or nothing. You just want me to sit around and just lay down rose petals for you to walk on, like coming to America. That's interesting. Okay, all right. No, but give me something practical because I'm all about growth. I want to get to an eight. All right, help me get to an eight. Okay. So next time I ask you this question, what specifically do I need to do for you to be able to say I'm at an eight?

SPEAKER_03 3:24

Probably just more cuddling, more touches.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

More cuddling.

SPEAKER_03 3:29

Touch is one of my love languages. Okay. Okay. It might have going up, gone up, like because quality time was big, but I feel like touch is, you know, just as big for me. I mean, they were close, but I feel like touch. So probably just more touch, more hugs, kisses, cuddle time, all of that.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

Okay. All right. Yeah, that's not one of my love languages, people. My love language is quality time and also acts of service. And I feel like my daughter, I have a daughter who's like, don't want to be touched sometimes. But no, I'm really not like that. I enjoy touch as well, but maybe not to the level that you do. Definitely not to the level sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 4:08

I definitely get on your nerves by touching you too much.

SPEAKER_00 4:10

Yeah, I mean, but I mean, I don't it doesn't bother me. I just I what I know now is that I can be more intentional about that. And that will be my goal from here on out. Yeah. Um, but it's no interesting that you haven't asked me the question on a scale of one to ten, how are you at romance?

SPEAKER_03 4:28

On the scale of one to ten, how am I at romance?

SPEAKER_00 4:31

Three. So I'm just playing. I'm just playing.

SPEAKER_03 4:37

I get it, but I don't get it.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

No, I mean, romance, I don't feel like it's something that I necessarily need or look for, but I feel like I'm like a tough guy or something. Like I just feel like as I'm talking, people are saying, Man, this guy.

SPEAKER_03 4:54

Because you are that, but that's why I love you. You're like very manly. You don't need a lot. You're not a needy person. Um but here's my I think I am a romantic kind of personality.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

I think I am too. I had I do do some poems here and there, write some letters here and there, take you to hotels sometimes, have rose petals and stuff. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 5:19

All of that has been all of that over the 25 cents.

SPEAKER_00 5:22

Away on vacations and things, opening the door for you and treating you like a queen and all of that. But what I'm hearing now is you're saying you want to do it more often.

SPEAKER_03 5:32

Yeah. But you know what? I to be fair, I have changed. I it used to get on my nerves, like if you would open the car door for me, so to say, like, um, I'm like, please get out of my way. I'll open the door myself, right? Like it, it was just like, why do I have to wait for you to open the door for me? Now I'm like, please, like, open the door. You know, the the queen is here.

SPEAKER_00 5:57

That's actually talking about that's what this whole thing is about. The queen has arrived now, and she wants to be, she wants to be levitated.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

Who I am.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

I don't care about what anybody else has to say about me. Tabitha is here, she's blessed, and that's just the way it is.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Well, praise God. Today's title is um on purpose, you know, moving from routine to romance. And we want to talk to people who need to ignite the relationship again. And I think the key word is again, everybody say again.

SPEAKER_03 6:34

Again.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Uh, we really want to speak to those of you all who have lost something. You've lost the spark, the thrill is gone. You feel like things are not the same. Um, why do you feel like there are a lot of couples? And we we talk to a lot of couples, you guys. We really do. Um, 20 years of ministry, we just talk to a lot of married couples. There's a lot of people who feel like things used to be hot, it used to be a thrill, but now they're in a place where the relationship is just routine. Why do you think there's so many um married couples that get there? And what can we do to get out of it?

SPEAKER_03 7:07

Um Why is because life happens. Okay. You know, we get married, um, we have kids, we have businesses, we are successful. We go from one business to three businesses, we go to, you know, one kid to four kids. I mean, you like you name it. Like we just keep gaining responsibility.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

I think I like that. So the first thing that we would tell you guys to do is you gotta normalize that. Notice some things in life that it's not like your marriage is in a bad place because we're not like we used to be. No, life happened.

SPEAKER_03 7:37

Right.

SPEAKER_00 7:38

And it's happening to everybody. Let's just normalize that for a moment, but not let ourselves get stuck there. Right.

Routine, Responsibility, And The Roommate Phase

SPEAKER_03 7:43

It's okay, so what are we gonna do about it? Yeah, do you just want to live a ho-hum life? Or do you want that exciting, fun-filled life, you know, romantic life that you always dreamed of? Well, I'm gonna do something about it.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Gonna do something about it. I like that. You know, a recent study that I found said that only about 17% of couples feel truly content with each other. That implies that over 80% have lingering dissatisfaction and unmet emotional needs. Can you imagine that? And the divorce rate is already 50%. So if 50% of people are getting divorced, I wonder what the percentage does is of people who are still married but they're not happy. Right. There's no romance. Um, it's all left, but they're still together for some reason. And so that lets me know that this is a very important topic for us to discuss. All right. And so why do you why do you think that marriages begin to feel boring after a while, or they can't?

SPEAKER_03 8:38

I think you may have said this. I mean, we're we're stuck in routine. Routine day after day after day. Um, we're trying to do the easiest thing possible. We're trying to preserve energy, you know, we're tired, you know. Um, our bodies change, we grow, all of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

So we're just I I would give it two R's routine and also responsibility. Yeah. Um, maybe it's just a man thing, but I just feel like there's just so much responsibility. There's so much that I have to do. And so maybe because of that, then being extra romantic feels like that's just another thing that I would have to do. Another thing to do. Can I just watch TV for a minute and eat a sandwich? And maybe from a woman's perspective, it's like, man, I have all of these things to do for the family. Yeah. And what do you want at the end of the night? But I think that we still have to always just put a priority on a relationship. And so I was doing some study on this. This is what I found. Uh, number one, we need routine over um romance over routine. Um, as relational um novelty wears off and daily tasks like kids, work, chores, take over, marriages can feel like co-parenting and housemate relationships rather than romantic partners. And we got to be very intentional to keep the fire alive.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

Right.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Um, I found number two, the roommate phase sets in. And they actually call it this emotional and physical disconnection can lead couples to feel more like cohabitants than lovers. What experts call the roommate phase sets in. And I think there's a lot of people that they went half on a baby, but they just they just live in together. They paying bills together, they just raising kids together. But I don't know about you. When my kids grow up and we have one in college and two in high school, and they're about to go sometime soon. I don't want to look at you and say, Who are you? Yeah and like I love my kids more than I love you. No, I want to be hot and still on fire for you. And so, number three, I found this the stagnation stage. Um, there's a relational development model and describes stagnation as a stage where once enjoyed routines feel dull, communication becomes minimal, and couples emotionally withdraw into imagined conversations. That's not a stage that you want to be in.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

Now explain that imagined conversations. What does that mean?

SPEAKER_00 10:52

I think it's tons of assumption that either you are talking more than you think you're talking, or maybe you are they're just imagining that they're doing something that they're not doing, uh, or you're doing something that you're not doing. Right. That's how I take it.

SPEAKER_03 11:09

It's almost like, you know, we've lived together so long and I know you so well. I'm not even gonna ask, I already know what you're gonna say.

Stagnation And Imagined Conversations

SPEAKER_00 11:15

And I already know what you're doing. You're probably up there doing this, you're probably going to play golf thing, routine. Yeah. And then uh last but not least was balancing work and emotional labor. When one or both partners focus on effective parenting or work, the marriage can slip into autopilot unless relational maintenance is intentionally prioritized. And I think that's huge. Prioritize. And and I just feel like there's so many people that are moving and shaking, but they just have a heart. And you can tell even by if you look at the list of billionaires, how many people are on their second and third spouse. Why? Because as responsibility and success kicked in, they didn't know how to manage this. Yeah. But to me, this is the most important relationship that I have, other than Jesus. We got to get this right. I don't know. Romance is important to me. And so, like you saying that I'm at a seven, I'm fired up. We might as well stop this marketing.

SPEAKER_03 12:03

I love that about you though, because you're so funny. Like, it's now a challenge.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Would you woo woo woo? Would you woo woo woo? I'm pulling out all the all the stops. You better get out your red dress and my heels, girl. We're about to go saucer dancing. I ain't even playing.

SPEAKER_03 12:23

I'm a little bit nervous.

SPEAKER_00 12:24

Be you nervous because you done messed it up now. You done messed it up. You won't you're gonna have flower petals all over the place. We're gonna get you two people. Like on coming to America just you walk into the room.

SPEAKER_03 12:34

A big box with a red bow and a dog inside. That would be so romantic.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

Now she done got you done took it too far.

SPEAKER_03 12:46

Cricket, cricket, cricket.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

You took it too far. So she wants a dog. But I just feel like as much as our life is on a pace, this this dog is gonna be a lot of responsibility. And it's it's gonna it's gonna cramp my style a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 13:01

You're right.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

But does that fall into the realm of You're right? I know I am, but that don't stop the fact that you want me to give. So here's my deal though. Like, does that fall into the category of romance for you? Could. See, that's the thing. This thing is not clearly defined.

SPEAKER_03 13:19

We we have to define this is I that's why I said define romance.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

That's what I'm saying. Like, you are so well taken care of.

SPEAKER_03 13:25

We have different expectations. I am this chick I am not complaining.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Went to Turks and Caicos this summer, came back, went to Italy with her daughter, come back, want a dog, a Frenchie. Them little Frenchies are ugly. And I know y'all like Frenchies. Them dogs are so ugly and they they and they they sniff loud. I mean, I don't want that outside of my door. I don't understand. He's way too cool for that. I know you guys love them things. I know you love those Frenchies. I know what I'm saying is that I just don't understand. So we're gonna have to really define what romance is. You do have to because So if you're saying it's just touching, that's just that.

SPEAKER_03 13:59

Yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

You like that? Yeah, you do my content.

SPEAKER_03 14:07

You'd know that I feel like that too. I know it's not possible.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Yeah, you don't want me to work or do anything.

SPEAKER_03 14:13

But honestly, I do think that it's romantic that I'm provided for and taken care of. Like, you know.

Mid‑Marriage Challenges And Date Night Ruts

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Okay. All right. So a friendship, we don't know where that falls. Well, but it falls in the gray. Yeah, I mean, if you want a dog, she's gonna get a dog. I mean, what is this? You know, but anyway, we'll figure it out. And so, anyway, when does this usually happen, all of these stages? Um, early years and post-child arrival. While passion is high during early marriage, research shows relationship satisfactory satisfaction often dips in the first few years, especially after the arrival of the first child. Interestingly, 70% of parents who were unhappy after the first child, they stayed married. And uh of those, 68% were happy 10 years later. So that's very important for those of you all who just had children to know that even though it's challenging to have a child, if you stay together, things are gonna get better. But I think the greatest challenge is the mid-marriage seasons, the stagnation phase, which often arrives five to ten years in, as busyness and familiarity begin to overshadow intentional connection. And I think that's a challenge. I don't know if I look back over our years, I think there was probably a challenge around year 10. I can't remember it specifically. Well, the first two years, of course, we already know that, but I'm just saying, just around year 10, you got a couple of new young kids. That's challenging for the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 15:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:38

And then I also think like the last couple years have been challenging, just the 25-year mark.

SPEAKER_01 15:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

More out of the routine, more out of the stagnation, more out of, it's almost like our kids are requiring more of us now. You know, when I was, when I when I had little kids, I was always like, man, I'm gonna be the bet the dopest teenage dad in the world. Now that I got teenagers, I'm like, I don't think they like me at all. They can't stand me. Everything is a hostile negotiation, and I shake that.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

They like you more than me, so I'm like, man, I'm trying to be like you.

SPEAKER_00 16:12

But so to me, I'm just like, um, that that so that 25-year mark has been interesting. Yeah. The 20 to 25 year mark has been interesting. Um, I I feel like our marriage is in a really, really good place, but it's taken more intentionality, yeah. Um, just to, you know, because when you have date nights every Friday night for 25 years, right. Or you take vacations once a year for 25 years, or if you do any doggone thing for 25 years, there's a level of some people are just blowing up their life just to do something new. Right. Man, forget all that. I'd rather just blow up my perspective and my patterns to keep the same wife.

SPEAKER_03 16:52

Thank you. Yeah. That's when you have to grow in your perspective, grow in your mindset to where you're not viewing things like Friday night, date night, that we're not taking it for granted, that we're not viewing it the same way we viewed it 10 years ago, having the same conversations that we had 10 years ago, that we're growing. Yeah, we're bringing something new to the table.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

Well, one of the challenges is, and I just saw this in a study, so I bring it up, but it says even with date nights, they need to be planned. That whole, hey, where are we going tonight? I don't know. Where are we going? That's the stuff that caused stagnation. And I always say that because I feel like I'm the one always planning.

SPEAKER_03 17:30

The study said that? The study said that.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

The study said that.

SPEAKER_03 17:33

But what if you're spontaneously a spontaneous kind of person?

SPEAKER_00 17:36

Uh, spontaneous is good, but that's how you get into a routine. And if you were honest, sometimes when it comes to date night, if I don't have a plan, what we doing? We want to drive. We ended up like two old people just driving around other people's neighborhoods. You see the house? No, you you like their shutters? Like, what are we 79 years old? What is this?

SPEAKER_03 17:56

That is so funny. Because it's so no, it's funny because no, because we do real estate investments. So we will literally get excited about rolling around and seeing a new property.

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Go go see.

SPEAKER_03 18:07

But the fact we don't have to be two old people to do that. We're just saying that interesting.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

What I'm trying to do is have an on-air family meeting to let you know that I could use some assistance when it comes to planning our together time. Because what studies are showing, and you gotta use Chat GPT, and you will figure it out. That's it.

SPEAKER_03 18:26

I think chat told you that. I think my chat would tell me that I can be spontaneous. We need to run out of it.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Her chat's on crack button.

SPEAKER_03 18:35

My chat is romantic.

SPEAKER_00 18:36

My chat is smart.

SPEAKER_03 18:38

Just get out in the car and drive and stop at the ice cream shop.

Change The Script: Add Novelty

SPEAKER_00 18:43

And all viewers here, please put in the chat. We all know that that's not very romantic. Just get out in the car and drive. Where are you going? Same restaurant. A little bit more romance, a little bit more intentionality would probably be good. Would you say? Like for real, would you say? Okay, good. I'm glad you can you can reason. But anyway, what are we talking about today? I think we're talking about um going from routine to romance and how to ignite um that passion again. And so here's a few things, a few thoughts. Uh number one, what can we do to uh get the romance back? You gotta change the script, okay? And I want you to jump in on this. When marriage feels stuck, it's often because you've lived the same script on repeat, same places, same conversations, same habits. You think that's true? Yes. What would you do about it?

SPEAKER_03 19:29

Um try something new.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 19:31

Um if you always eat, you know, um Italian every Friday night, go eat something else.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Um, try new hobbies together, cooking class, hiking, um, salsa dancing, you know, change the environment, even a week and awake and shift perspective.

SPEAKER_01 19:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

Okay. Um, actually, they say that novelty releases dopamine, the same chemical that fuels early stage attraction. Novelty simply meaning you do something different. And so when you do something different that you've never done before, you actually release um the same chemical that you have with butterfly love. So our whole book is kind of based upon the infatuation stage and how you have these chemicals in your body when you first fall in love, and it's just you actually release that same chemical when you do something new. Interesting. And so it's important not to kind of break the routine on purpose.

Rebuild Emotional Connection First

SPEAKER_01 20:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

Number two is this rebuild emotional connection first. Um, many couples try to jump to passion without rebuilding emotional intimacy, but passion follows connection. Yeah. And so, can you give me some practical ways or any thoughts about how we can um rebuild an emotional connection? I just feel like there's some people who are watching and listening and it's just they just feel disconnected from their partner.

SPEAKER_03 20:44

I feel like we can remember. Sometimes you get so into the routine of thing, you just assume, like we had we we just talked about, you can just assume that you know what the other person is thinking. Um, and really sometimes, you know, I I think recently uh you said something, you know, your mom passed um last November, um the day after Thanksgiving. And um, I think it might have been like your birthday this year, and you said, you know, this is the first birthday I'm spending without my mom. And when you said that, I realized I was like, oh my gosh, I didn't even talk to you about that, you know? And so it kind of reminded me like, wow, he's this whole person with this whole emotional life going on. Like, tune in. Like, so I came home and I asked you, hey babe, how do you feel about that? So I think sometimes it's just opening, not just assuming, like, oh, you're you know, 50 years old and you don't need me to ask you about your mom. No, you you let's ask about these things.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah, that's so good. Um, other practical things you can schedule like a 15 to 20 minute day of distraction-free conversation, just distraction-free conversation where tell me about you on a scale of one to ten. How are you? How how do you feel about where we are in life? What is a goal that you have that we haven't accomplished? I mean, um, share dreams, not just logistics. Ask deeper questions. What's the one thing you wish I understood better about you? I think we got to get really good at just asking questions that get beyond the surface. You know, Proverbs 20 and 5, it says that the purpose purposes of a person's heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out. And um I don't want to use that just in the work context, in the ministry context, but not in the marriage context. Right. I want to be able to draw out deep deep waters through conversations. Um and so reach research shows emotional intimacy is the single strongest predictor of sexual intimacy. You find that to be true?

SPEAKER_03 22:42

I think that's very true. Um, I think yeah, if after um I don't know, I think being emotionally intimate definitely drives my sexual attraction to you.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Okay. And how and how would you define emotional intimacy? What does that mean? Does it mean like vulnerability? Does it mean like deep conversation? How how would you flesh that out? What is that?

SPEAKER_03 23:08

I I think it's a connection. It's not just you asking me questions and me kind of like feeling like you know, unloading on you or something like that. It's when you ask me questions and I tell you from my heart how I feel and you understand. I think I get it. You you get it, you understand it, and you communicate back to me.

Daily Appreciation And Affection

SPEAKER_00 23:30

And you feel seen. Yes. And you feel heard and you feel valued and you feel wanted. I think that's reciprocal, maybe both ways. Um, I think that's good. But that leads into a better sex life. And I think that's very important that married couples have an emotional connection and also a physical connection. And I think that when you have those two things, um, where you rate your marriage is probably gonna be much higher. Yes. You know what I mean? Um, number three would be this practice daily appreciation. Okay. So if you want to get the romance back, get the spark back. Um, I think we we we did a podcast recently that talked about the power of just appreciation and gratitude. You know, gratitude reframes how you see your spouse shifting focus from flaws to value. Um, how would you flush that out practically? Anything comes to mind?

SPEAKER_03 24:23

I think, you know, a good exercise when you're feeling like you don't appreciate your spouse or like, well, what good are they? They just this, you know, you just you you you just are not appreciating your spouse. Think about, I mean, what would life be without them?

SPEAKER_01 24:37

Right.

SPEAKER_03 24:38

I can't imagine my life without you. The father of my children, okay, my kids wouldn't be here. Okay, I wouldn't have, you know, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law, the family that I have, the ministry that we have, the businesses that we built, the friendships that we have. Like it would just be, no, I want you. I wanted you then, I want you now, and I want you in my future.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

So good, so good. Number four would be this reignite physical affection outside of the bedroom. That kind of double dips to me into the emotional piece, but affection builds safety, safety builds trust, and trust opens the door to passion. Um, and so some of the practical ways to pull that off would be hold hands when walking, hug for at least 20 seconds. It's proven to release oxytocin, the bonding hormone, sit close when watching TV or talking, you know, maybe cuddle before going to bed. I can't do that with you or I'll burn up.

SPEAKER_02 25:30

And um We can cuddle for like sixty seconds. Just for now, not forever.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

Not forever.

SPEAKER_02 25:38

We're working on that.

SPEAKER_00 25:39

You know, there's a scripture in the Songs of Solomon, um, chapter one, verse two, it says, Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. One thing that comes to mind is just kissing, just like deep kissing. Like I think couples, as they get older, they start pecking each other. And then you let all the little kids run around kissing each other all hard and deep and watch people on TV. But I just feel like um that is it's in the Bible, and it's kind of an important part for connection. Do the word. Do the word.

SPEAKER_03 26:10

People do the word.

SPEAKER_00 26:11

Do the word. Um, non-sexual touch builds connection and keeps passion alive and also long term. And so number five on this one would be protect the us from the noise of life. And so we always have to protect the us from what we said before, which was responsibility and routine and all of the response, you know, the things that we have going on. And so things, uh, let's get practical for a moment. Um, we have weekly date night, um, bi-weekly family meetings, what we guard those like a business meeting, uh, limit distractions like scrolling during couples' time, learn to say no to good things to protect the best thing of our marriage. Um, anything else sticks out to you about how to protect us?

Protect “Us” From Life’s Noise

SPEAKER_03 27:00

I like it that we kind of um save a little space in our day, mostly every single day. At the end of the day, it's a time where we're alone together. Um, you know, we kind of have a bedtime for ourselves. It's right now it's probably about eight o'clock that um we're in the bedroom. You know, kids are going to school. We all wake up by like five, five thirty in the morning. So we're kind of in the room together. We might be reading books, we might be watching TV, we might do whatever we want to do, but that's time for us together, and I think that's important.

SPEAKER_00 27:33

Yeah. Um, I I I found this one statement in a study. It says couples who intentionally prioritize their relationship report higher satisfaction and a lower divorce risk. And so this takes intentionality where we say we're gonna put us in front of a lot of other things, but I think we've done well at that. I think we've done well at that.

SPEAKER_03 27:54

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

I think we do so well at that that we get on our kids' nerves.

SPEAKER_03 27:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

I think they'd be like, Yeah, these two right here. Why y'all kissing? Oh my goodness, why y'all hugging? Why y'all y'all going out tonight? Y'all leaving us behind. Yes, yes, yes, yes to all of that.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

You know, they will thank us one day.

SPEAKER_00 28:10

They will thank us one day. It's a lot better than mommy and daddy not being together.

SPEAKER_03 28:14

That's right.

Resources, Community, And Closing Invites

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Yeah, yeah. And so anyway, I hope you guys enjoy um today's episode and we want to help you get the romance back. You know, one of the best ways, if I could give you a piece of advice to do that, is to take our marriage boot camp. You know, we have an online boot camp, and one of the sessions we teach about how to maximize romance. And I think in that session, we give out like a hundred different ways, little tips of where you can get romance back into your marriage. And so I would check that out if you really want to take it to the next level. And of course, if you're new to our podcast, make sure you hit the subscribe button, the icon on YouTube, so you can be the first to get the content. We release a new episode every Thursday at 3 p.m. Would love to have you be a part of our online family. We're creating a community of imperfect people, serving a perfect God, loving God, and loving the people that God's placed in our lives. And we just want to pay forward some tools to you and also as you share with us. So make sure very quickly, if you can like and comment and also share this episode. We believe that sharing sometimes can be the lifeline to somebody that somebody needed this episode. And so please make sure that you do that at this time. If you're ever in Florida, come worship with us at a live church, Orlando, Tampa, and also Gainesville, Florida. We have campuses. You can also join us live online at 9 45 Eastern Standard Time. And uh, we would love to have you come worship with us. We also got a great conference that's coming up. If you want a reason to have a vacation, take a spiritual vacation, a spiritual encounter vacation. A live conference is coming up, and it's coming up just in a couple of weeks, and it's gonna be out of this world. For more information about About that, check out our website that's on in the show notes below. Hey, we love you, and we hope to see you next Thursday. Just know that we're praying for you and we're here for you. God bless you. Peace. A Live Conference 2025 is a three-day encounter designed to activate your calling, stir your faith, and connect you with something bigger than yourself. Get ready for an atmosphere full of encounter, powerful worship, anointed messages, and master classes designed to strengthen you spiritually, personally, and in your leadership. This conference creates a space for believers who want to encounter God and see their spiritual gifts activated. No matter where you find yourself, this is your moment. November 6th through the 8th, here in Orlando, Florida. What happens in these three days could shape the next 30 years of your life. Alive Conference 2025. Revival is here.org to register now. Come ready, come hungry, leave transformed.