.jpg)
Doing Life with Ken and Tabatha
For over 20 years now, we’ve fought the good fight of faith, and along the way we have learned so much about living a God-first life. Before Jesus, Tabatha was diagnosed depressed for over 12 years, we had $100,000 in debt, and we were headed straight for divorce. But when we started living for God, our lives radically changed. Tabatha was healed, we prospered financially, and we became best friends. With God's help, we learned how to do life well. And that’s exactly why we’ve created this Podcast – to help you do life with us and do it well. We will help you unlock principles for doing life God’s way, which will lead you to more joy, more peace, and true freedom.
Doing Life with Ken and Tabatha
5 Dating Red Flags Every Christian Should Watch Out For
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Dating doesn’t have to feel like a guessing game. We break down five clear red flags every Christian should watch for and show how trusting God, not the crowd, changes who you choose and how you choose. From spiritual alignment to character under pressure, we pull back the curtain on the patterns that predict a healthy marriage—or a painful one.
We start with the heart of it all: if someone pulls you away from God, isolates you from church, or mocks spiritual disciplines, that’s not love. Then we zoom into teachability and accountability—because an uncorrectable person becomes unleadable when life gets hard. We tackle dishonesty and secrecy, the silent killers that cloud conversations and erode peace. You’ll hear why watching how a date treats servers, coworkers, and family reveals who they are when no one’s grading their performance. And we unpack the cost of a partner with no vision or direction, plus how mismatched goals, theology, and values create constant friction.
Along the way, we challenge the myth that romance equals readiness. Infatuation is effortless; mature love is built on aligned values, shared purpose, and honest dialogue. So we trade surface talk for deeper questions: money habits, family history, conflict style, faith convictions, and life vision. We also invite community into the process—mentors, pastors, and trusted friends who can spot the warning signs you might miss. To close, we share five practical discernment keys: pray before you play, ask trusted voices, observe not excuse, look for fruit, and follow the Holy Spirit’s peace.
If you’re single, this is a guide to date with clarity and courage. If you’re advising someone you love, it’s a toolkit for wise counsel. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and tell us: which red flag or discernment key are you adding to your non-negotiables today?
GET THE BETTER MARRIAGE BOOTCAMP HERE:
Better Marriage Bootcamp (kenandtabatha.com)
Better Marriage 90-Day Devotional:
90 Day Better Marriage Devotional - Ken and Tabatha (square.site)
DOWNLOAD THE FAMILY MEETING OUTLINE HERE ⬇️
https://www.kenandtabatha.com/pl/2148103888
📍 Join us in Florida at Alive Church — with campuses in Orlando, Tampa & Gainesville.
🎟 And don’t miss Alive Conference coming soon — 3 days that can change the next 30 years of your life!
https://redeemedevents.com/event-details/1875
Support Our Ministry:
https://myalivechurch.org/give
Connect with us:
- Website:
https://www.kenclaytor.com
https://www.tabathaclaytor.com
https://www.myalivechurch.org
- Socials:
Instagram -
https://www.instagram.com/kenclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/tabathaclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/myalivechurch/
TikTok-
@Ken_Claytor
@Tabathaclaytor
@myalivechurch
Facebook-
https://www.facebook.com/PastorKenClaytor
https://www.facebook.com/pastortabathaclaytor
https://www.facebook.com/myalivechurch
- Ask us questions:
i...
Trusting God Over Others’ Opinions
SPEAKER_03There is a test of trust that God has for you. Trust God. I feel like there's um someone in particular who it's like your parents keep hooking you up with people. Oh, I got this person for you. They're a doctor. Oh, I got this person for you. You know, they're, they're, they're studying for, you know, this. And and your friends are trying to hook you up with people, and you have been in relationships and your heart has been broken because you're just going off of the faith of someone else or just trusting in someone else. But God wants you to trust him.
Welcome And Episode Focus
SPEAKER_01So glad to have you again at Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha. So good to have you guys. We got a good one for you today. Today's message or episode is entitled Five Dating Red Flags Every Christian Should Watch Out For. Okay. And so if you are not married or if you know somebody that's not married and they are in a single season, we want to help you today. And so I want to jump right into these today. Sweetheart, how would you describe a red flag for those who might not know what we're talking about?
SPEAKER_03A red flag is a warning sign. Almost like you know how a stop sign is read. You have to, it's the law, stop when the sign is read. When you see a red flag, it's like stop. Don't go any further. Re-evaluate your situation before you proceed.
Unequal Faith And Spiritual Maturity
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I would say, um, I would say, practically speaking, proceed with caution. Yes. Like slow down. Don't ignore it. I think that's the big thing. Many people ignore the red flag for how they really want the relationship to work out. And we see those things later on come back to bite them. Um, what are some common red flags that we've seen?
SPEAKER_03Ooh, red flags uh when you're dating someone who doesn't really believe God the way you do. So, oh, they well, they believe in Jesus, but they don't go to church. They don't ha spend time with God, don't really have a mature relationship with God. And so you meet them, they start coming to your church. Um, and then I've seen in the past, you know, people even get engaged to get married, get married, but then uh the spouse all of a sudden doesn't want a relationship with God anymore. They don't want to go to church anymore, they don't want to serve anymore. And so it seemed like that was a red flag when you meet someone who is not mature.
Character, Pain, And Accountability
SPEAKER_01And the red flag was probably always there. And that's what we found out that the red flag was there, you just ignore it. And um, I always say it's better to be single and satisfied than married and miserable. And many times we want the relationship so much to work out that we just turned a blind eye to what we're calling red flags today. So for me, red flags would be stuff like character flaws, lies, um, times they didn't keep their word, um, how they handle pain is huge. Um, I always would suggest for single people to be with this person in the dating season or friendship season long enough to see how they handle pain because pain has a way of revealing real character. Like everybody can, you know, everybody can put on a front for a season, but pain shows you what you're really made of. Um I would also say submission to godly authority. Um, if you're dating someone and they just won't let anybody tell them what to do, you know, and this is how it manifests later on. Well, we don't want our business in the street. What that means is you're filled with the spirit of pride. You have nobody, so if you ever need help in your marriage, you have nobody that you'll go to. Those people never want to go to therapy, they never want to go to counseling. They feel like they so they actually just won't do what they want to do. That's not a good thing. That's a red flag. Everybody say a red flag.
SPEAKER_03That's good. I mean, and especially with people who don't want to allow other people in. Like, you know, we've always had mentors in our relations. Well, not always, but when we found out how to do things God's way and to be healthy in marriage, we've sought out mentors. And so when people say things like they don't want anyone else to know about that, that's a red flag to me because what's your secret?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_03You know, what what what is there to hide besides sin, shame, guilt, things that are not godly. So if someone wants to keep secrets, red flag.
SPEAKER_01Is there anything else comes to mind when it comes to why do people ignore red flags? They're dating, but they're just like, oh, it'll be okay.
SPEAKER_03I mean lots of things. I think um sometimes people are desperate, desperate just to be in a relationship. Some people feel lonely. Yeah, you know. Um, I think some people feel insecure. Uh, some people feel like um maybe they're not worthy or they don't value themselves enough to know that God has a spouse for them who is wonderful, who treats them right, who loves God, all of the above.
SPEAKER_00They rush it. Yes, they rush it. And they go for a good thing instead of a good thing. They settle. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, because what if no one else comes around? Well, I've been single for so long and I don't have anyone else, I should just settle for this.
SPEAKER_01Right. I fully understand. But at the same time, it's dangerous.
SPEAKER_03You know, they're real feelings. Yeah.
Why We Ignore Red Flags
SPEAKER_01Well, the divorce rate is at 50%. So half of the people who say I do at some place will say I don't. Those are very real statistics. I'm talking about in the church and outside of the church. What's happening is that people are getting into a a ministry called marriage, not understanding the warfare. And I just feel like before you get into that season, you just got to do everything that you can in the single season before the marriage season, if that's what you decide to do. I would also say this: don't make marriage like an idol, like you can't be happy without being married. You know, Jesus was single, Paul was single. I believe that um if you're married, you should be content with where you are. And if you're single, you should be content with where you are. Not saying that you can't desire to be married or want to be married, but don't make it like an idol. Yeah. Like I can't be content or fulfilled until I have somebody that's loving me. Um, I actually think that that's a dangerous way to get involved in a marriage. I would much rather two single people are like, hey, if we if I find somebody, I find somebody. If I don't, I don't, I feel good about me and God. I feel good about my life. I'm content with where I am. And if there's somebody that can bring um some benefit and they're whole and focused and unique as well, and we can come together, um, I don't believe it's two halves to make a whole. I believe it's two holes.
SPEAKER_03You're absolutely right. And I think that singlehood is just like any other faith walk that we have in life. You have to walk by faith when you're single, you have to walk by faith when you're married. You have to walk by faith for your finances, walk by faith when you don't have a job and when you do have a job. You have to walk by faith when you don't have kids and when you do have kids. Let's not make this like, oh my gosh, this is a crazy thing. I'm single and I've been single for too long. I should be married by now. No, let's not do that.
Contentment In Singleness Vs. Idolizing Marriage
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Well, you know, it's because we romanticize marriage. And even a lot of the movies that we watch, you know, you like a lot of Hallmark movies, and now you've basically adopted me into the Hallmark. You like them too, Nick? Well, rom-coms, basically what it is. And I feel like 90% of the movies that we watch in our house are rom coms. And I've kind of just submitted to it all. A rom com never hurt anybody. But you know the funny thing about a rom-com is that we are only highlighting the infatuation stage of the relationship. Right. It's all the way up. Um, okay, every movie's the same. Boy sees girl, girl got somebody else. Then boy waits, or something happens where girl leaves who she was with, then boy gets with girl, then they're on and off and on and off, and then at the end they kiss. And it's this whole falling in love, and we're in love with the falling in love. Yeah. And that's the easy part of the relationship. Staying in love is the harder part of the relationship. And so I think that we need to romanticize not just like the beginning parts of the relationship, but like mature love. Um, and also uh make a big deal out of just I'm single and I'm satisfied and I'm doing the work of the Lord, like Paul talked about in 1 Corinthians chapter 7. And maybe we'll hit that in a different podcast, but I just feel like don't chase after something just because it's been a picture that's been painted. Um, because it's not, you know, absolutely.
SPEAKER_03I I see single people, you know, and I I I would want to have the kind of um attitude that when I walk in the room, I don't need a spouse, you know what I mean, to say that I am somebody. Um, I need the presence of the Almighty God.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
Media Myths And Mature Love
SPEAKER_03You know, I see single men and women sometimes, whether their 20s, 30s, 40s, and I'm looking at them like, where's your wife? Where's your husband? Because they look like I'm like, wow, nobody's snatched you up yet. Wow, how are you single? Because they look like you're you got it together. The presence of the of the Lord is with you. You are not desperate. You're not out here just settling for anything. Like when you do decide to choose one, when you do decide to get married, wow, it's that they are going to be blessed. I would have that attitude. Yeah, it's not a desperate, oh, I don't, I'm not married. It's like, no, I'm waiting for the right one.
SPEAKER_01Every once in a while, I'll, you know, well, I'll kind of look at the comments, even on our podcast comments, and I'll see someone who's single, like, well, you guys just don't understand how hard it is. And it's kind of like, man, if it if you have that kind of angle towards the pain of just being single, like I get it that um, I get it, you know, the importance of being loved or having somebody in your life. And the Bible says that, you know, two is better than one, and uh three core can't be easily broken. I mean, I get that. But at the same time, where's the peace? Where's the contentment? Where's the confidence in who you are? Absolutely. And actually, that might be exactly what God is waiting for to develop before he puts something into your life. Because what we've seen historically is sometimes if you're not like mature as a single, when you find somebody, you'll actually make them God. They'll take the place of God.
SPEAKER_03I did that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they'll take the place of God. Now they get the love, the attention, and everything else just because you hadn't matured in areas. And so actually, sometimes that that waiting period is actually God just waiting on you to be able to handle this relationship or this season of ministry.
SPEAKER_03I just feel like we are talking to someone, not everyone, but we're talking to a few people right now where it's like going to first grade over and over and over again. Yeah. There is a test of trust that God has for you. Trust God. Stop. Um, I feel like there's um someone in particular who it's like your parents keep hooking you up with people. Oh, I got this person for you. They're a doctor. Oh, I got this person for you. You know, they're they're they're studying for, you know, this, and and your friends are trying to hook you up with people, and you have been in relationships and your heart has been broken because you're just going off of the faith of someone else or just trusting in someone else. But God wants you to trust him.
SPEAKER_01That's so good. And so we'd love to hear from you guys. What's your opinion about this? Drop it in the chat, drop it in a comment. Um, you know, just let us know what you're believing for as well. I'm sure people in comments, y'all talk to each other and pray for each other. Um, we would love to hear from you. Uh, do you recall a time when you saw red flags but a person didn't? Meaning that they were people that you know that they wanted to be together, but you saw red flags. Yes. But the person didn't see the red flags. And can if you can recall, like what did you do to try to help them or did you just leave them alone?
Encouragement For Singles To Trust God
When Others See Flags You Don’t
SPEAKER_03It's uncomfortable. Um there I recall both situations where um there were red flags and I did say something because I was there. It was it was my place to say a mentor. I felt welcome. Yeah, like I like I invited your advice. Yes. Did they follow your advice? They did not follow it. They did not follow my advice. Okay. And that ended up not well. Um, and then I have times where um a specific time I'm remembering where I did not say anything because it was not my place. Um, I probably hinted and suggested and and definitely gave some thought-provoking questions, but I felt like um this, you know, couple was together because their friends hooked them up. Like, oh, and it's like these friends hooked you up. And I'm like, well, I'm your friend, and I would never recommend that. Like, what who's making this? And when they first got together, I thought, um, oh, this isn't gonna last. And then it just kept lasting and lasting. I'm like, oh my gosh, what are we gonna do? But then they get married. It's not my yes, they did. Um, they're no longer married, but they struggled probably their whole marriage. Um, and it's not that neither one of them was bad, it's not that the person was bad. I just knew like, this isn't you.
SPEAKER_01What are you Oh, I got a lot of questions then. So if you knew, why didn't they know? What's the difference?
SPEAKER_03Honestly, it's what we've been talking about is people go for they're trusting other people. This person said they are perfect for me. This person and they're married, this whole married couple over here said we should be together. And this person says it, and then so this person, they go to church, they serve, they love God, and they really they're really into me. You know what I mean? So maybe this is just the right thing to do.
SPEAKER_01I don't know. I I mean that might be a part. I feel like um, I'm not sure the instance just you're speaking of, but from my experience, I feel like sometimes a single person will find another single person, and it's really not what they want or who they're looking for, but because I don't have nobody and you don't have nobody, it would seem as if maybe we should just try to make this work. And it seems like there's a lot of making. There's a lot of, okay, I don't really like this about him, I don't like that about her, but because there's nobody else, and you have maybe seven out of the ten things that I'm really looking for, I'm gonna kind of lower my standards and just we're gonna make this work. And I just haven't seen that work well.
SPEAKER_03Me either. Tell you tell me when we got married, what how how many out of ten did it was I for you?
SPEAKER_01Well, uh that's hard because I didn't have I didn't have the kind of standards that I would want a believer to have.
SPEAKER_03I know, I know.
SPEAKER_01I was just like, man, you're beautiful, man, you're smart, man, you're you're nice to me.
SPEAKER_03Was there anyone else in the world that you think that you would want to marry?
SPEAKER_01No, not 100%. Could there be a possibility that there was anyone else? I thought that I hit the relationship jackpot, and the face of God had smiled upon me in such a way that I was completely exactly and that there was not another woman on the face of the earth that could match up to you.
Community, Covering, And Church Alignment
SPEAKER_03And I felt the same way. Like he is everything. I loved you, I trust you. Like I there was nobody else. There's no room. I don't care. Of course you weren't perfect. Of course you, but as far as if there's anyone else for me and if I was settling, 10 out of 10.
SPEAKER_01Like there wasn't no, oh, should I, would I, and that's probably why we got married so young. One of the reasons, I mean, I didn't know enough to live right, and I felt like God was like, you need to get this right and get married. But one another reason was like, I didn't want to lose you. You know, we had already gone through a breakup, and I guess I was what, just 20 years old, maybe. And it was just like, I'm about to shut this whole thing down because there's not another woman. And I'm not saying that everyone's experience has to be exactly like that, but doggone it, it should be close. Don't you think? I think it should be close. Like if you really have some reservations in this person's character, and you know, even if people are getting married nowadays, they're not even attracted to each other. And I understand that attraction is not the number one thing that we should be, is the not the number one factor in the longevity of love, but you should be there's a that's important for the longevity that like you want to be attracted to each other. Yeah, like that does matter. You know what I'm saying? He she don't have to be Mrs. Universe, and he don't have to be, you know.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_01But you there that's an important thing.
SPEAKER_03You should be attracted. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, you know. Like, I think you're the most handsome man. You know, every year they put out like Mr. Universe or the most handsome man in the world, and I'm like, psh, whatever. Whoever it is, Brad Pitt, well, good, Denzel Washington back in the day, like whoever it is. I'm like, psh, whatever. They have not the world has not seen Ken Clater, please.
Five Red Flags: Overview
Red Flag 1: Pulls You From God
SPEAKER_01Well, I have you completely brainwashed, and that it has been my goal for many years. Good. And so, yeah, I remember a couple, and this was funny because I think the girl was like 19, and the guy was probably upper 30s, and we were like, this is not a good idea. This is not a good idea, and but the guy he came to church and did all the right things. I mean, this brother got involved serving. I mean, this brother would open her door, I mean, he would treat her, he was being so kind and so nice. I mean, it was this whole thing. But at the end, I had a red flag. I'm like, look, you're 19, and he's like 38. Okay. And so I'm I'm thinking to myself, like, this is a good thing. Now I remember too. This is not a good idea. Yeah. Everyone is saying that was close to her, this is not a good idea. Including me. Oh man, but they went off like, oh, we've been reading these marriage books and going to the marriage conferences, and they're treating us like we don't know what we're talking about. We're gonna make this thing work and we're gonna outdo you in your marriage. Well, they're not together, not by a long shot any longer. I mean, it was like they got married and all of his character flaws came out, you know. I think it was with other women, all kinds of different things. And it's just amazing to me the things that a person can do to try to get something that they want, but you just gotta pay attention to the red flag.
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
Red Flag 2: No Teachable Spirit
Red Flag 3: Dishonesty And Secrets
SPEAKER_01I saw them, and I and I think part of what we're saying is like have some credible people in your life. Other people may see the flags that you don't see. But have mature people. Yes, like have some mature people that are discerning, that have fruit in their relationship. I can't let everybody speak into my life, but I I mean, I recall there's been times where we've seen um I've seen a young lady who just loved us so much, loved our church, loved our ministry, and loved Jesus, and then get married to someone who just didn't. Right. Didn't love our church. And and watch this, they got married, and I know that she probably saw those red flags of just vision not going the same way, zeal for Jesus not going the same way. Okay, you want to go down to this kind of church. I don't even want to go in there, but you don't like coming to my church. That right there should be a red flag. What does she do? Ignore those red flags, then you come under another covering. I have I can't do anything about it. Not here, not living in purpose, calling, so forth and so on. Then you kind of get to a place where you have a life that wasn't God's best, but now you're in his permissive will. And yeah, you still got some things that are working, but it's not the original intent of God. I mean, I got so many stories like that. I got just stories after story about, you know, people who come and it's like, man, they oh man, I love this place, and then they start getting offended at stuff, red flag. Listen, if you don't love my like if I got radically saved and I love my church and I love my pastor, if you come and you have a problem with my church and my pastor, you got a problem with me in the dating phase. And that's I'm trying not to be too strong. You can jump on this and balance it out. But I really believe, like, that's like if you if I love my mom and you come and you got a problem with my mom, look, I only known you three months. This person has raised me for for the la for 18 years of my life and she's been there for me for 40 years. Like, she's gonna have some weight in my life. Right. I'm not saying that to a person who has a mom that's like manipulative and just don't want to give you away and let you become an adult. I'm just talking about there's no way. Like, I come to a church, I get saved, I get filled with the spirit, I get I get all these transformations. Like, nah, man, I'm sorry. You you you cannot, I'm not, I'm not submitting my life under your leadership. It's just I love you, I'm you're good, but you're just not for me. And I'm okay with that. And watch this, God has send you somebody that just I see single people in our church. They find people and they're going full speed for Jesus, and God just after a while just sends somebody that's going the exact same way, full speed for Jesus, and they'd be a power couple. I can name them.
SPEAKER_03How many people have met in church? Time after time after time. Yeah. Couples that have met single, doing their thing, loving God, serving in church, they get in church, they find, they find their person.
SPEAKER_01Because the um, the the covering of the pastor and the and the spiritual leader is a safe place for people. And if you trample over that, you you gotta be very conscious and aware to value the safe place. And so it's just a place God places the members in the body as it pleases him. And I'm gonna not gonna let a relationship on the outside pull me out easily. Right. You know, I I've had some people that leave and we bless them, like, okay, go. And they're doing very well. Yeah. Yeah, but there's a persistent thing.
Red Flag 4: Poor Treatment Of Others
SPEAKER_03Especially, you know, sometimes we've had, you know, just daughters in ministry that um, man, I'm thinking of one in particular, lived with us, you know, uh for a little bit. And all of I mean, love her to this day. Love her, love her. Um, and she got married to someone who was really involved in another church, and you know, she's going to that church. They're, I mean, they're blessed. Everything's great, but we had to bless her.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And let her go. Anyway, but I think this is a red flag. There's some if you meet someone, okay, if you meet someone, um, who are their friends? Um, who do they trust in? And so, like, if you meet someone and they say they don't have any friends, red flag.
SPEAKER_01They don't have any friends.
SPEAKER_03Why are you a grown person and you love Jesus and you don't have any friends? Because at least, I mean, I like serving in church and going to church, at least I because you were talking about pastors and like don't, if you don't like my pastor, well then you don't like me. If you don't like my mother, then you don't like me. That that symbolizes like these are people that think like I think, believe what I believe. These are the people in my life that I trust. So I serve, I serve in the kids' church, and you know, I work with youth every Wednesday night. And these, this team that I serve with, these are my people right here. This is my tribe. And um, oh, I serve on Sunday mornings over here at the connections thing. This is my friend, that's my friend, pastor up here. I talk to him every once in a while because he keeps me straight. Him and his wife, they speak, they pour into me like, these are my people. You mean to tell me, as a grown man and a grown woman who says I am a mature believer and I love God, you don't have any friends. Something's wrong.
Deep Conversations Over Physical Rush
SPEAKER_01Red flag. Red flag. Red flag. And so we're gonna give you five dating red flags, every Christian should watch out for. Are you ready? Five dating red flags. We just want to help. We're Ken and Tabitha, we're your friends. Number one, is they pull you away from God. Red flag. Say red flag. Red flag. Okay. They discourage your faith, you know, they skip church, they mock spiritual disciplines. Are they just trying to control you? They just want your money. All that's a bunch of flesh. Key thought. If they're not leading you towards God, they're leading you away. Matthew 633 says, seek first the kingdom of God. And if you find someone who's not willing to do that, red flag.
SPEAKER_03Red flag.
SPEAKER_01Uh number two, is no accountability or teachable teachable spirit. Uh, these are the people that resist correction, they refuse spiritual covering, they don't listen to wise counsel. We talked about this a little bit, but key key thought. Someone uncorrectable is unleadable. Okay. Proverbs 12 and 1 says, whoever hates correction is stupid. And you don't want to marry stupid people. You you don't. The Bible says that. I didn't say it. I'm just saying what the Bible says. It's very true.
SPEAKER_03You know what I think about um when I when I hear that people are uncorrectable, um, I hear big shots. Like I always tell told told our kids growing up, don't be a big shot. Nobody wants to what nobody likes a big shot. A big shot is someone who knows everything. You can't tell them nothing. They win every argument. So if you're just like dating and they're never wrong and they're always making excuses and like, oh yeah, well, and sometimes even telling a lie just so that they will seem right instead of wrong. Red flag, red flag. Nobody likes a big shot.
SPEAKER_01Beware of the know-it-alls. Okay. You want to date a learn it all, not a know-it-all. Okay. I am 48 years old and I don't I don't know it all. I'm a learn it all, not a know-it all. You want to find people that are humble enough to say I'm a learn it all, not a know-it-all, okay? That'll help your marriage. All right. Red flag number four is poor treatment. Um no no, I'm on number three. Patterns of dishonesty or hiddenness. Okay, that's red flag. Patterns of dishonesty or hiddenness. They hide their phone, they avoid certain questions, they tell half truths. The key thought secrets in dating become storms in marriage. Ephesians chapter 4, 25 says, speak truthfully to your neighbor.
Red Flag 5: No Vision Or Direction
SPEAKER_03That is so important. I mean, in any relationship, especially someone I'm dating, but in any relationship, if I can't trust you, if I feel like you have secrets and you hide stuff from me and it's like, you know, the relationship's over. Yeah, the phone rings, you have to get up and go into the other room because you can't ever have a conversation in front of me. Like, no, we can't do that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I think that's one of the worst relationship killers, is just a liar. And I would rather people be truthful with me and just be like, hey, I don't really like you. I really don't agree with you. Oh, well, thank you for that perspective. I'm okay with that. But don't be like, oh, I love you so much, but then the relationship's over.
SPEAKER_03I want to give a tip to someone who feels like they're in a relationship and they feel like I think they might be lying to me, but I can't tell. They're probably lying to you. Whenever you have conversations with people and it feels like all of a sudden you feel dumb, they are lying to you. We call it this right here. It's like fog. It's like all of a sudden stuff got foggy, and you're like, okay, what's going on? They that is the spirit of lying.
SPEAKER_01I come home sometimes, I have conversations with uh with people, and I say, Hey, hey, Tabitha, somebody said this, that, and other. I don't know what they were talking about. I left out of the conversation so confused. And it's just like you can just tell they're giving, and we always do this, they're giving you this right here. And so I always go with that. If I'm confused, it's because they're being confusing.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01They're not being straightforward with me.
SPEAKER_03You don't have time for that. Okay.
Aligning Life Vision And Values
Bonus: Five Dating Discernment Keys
SPEAKER_01Red flag number four is the poor treatment of others. And watch out for this. Watch how they treat waiters, um, yeah, family members, co-workers. It reveals their true character. Always look at how people treat the least of them because when it's somebody you want to impress, everybody, yes, ma'am, yes, sir, thank you. Oh, so good to see you. I want to see how do you treat um those who don't have anything they can do for you, the disadvantaged, the poor, the wounded. And so that's very important. Luke 6, 45 says, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. So in the dating season, really be attentive to what a person says. And don't be on the surface with your conversations. You know, and that's why the physical side of your relationship in the season, single season is the easy side of your relationship. That is the side that everybody in this in the secular arena, I mean, every movie, you kind of come in the in the room, just ripping off each other's clothes and you know, having wild, passionate sex and smoking a cigarette after that's how it's portrayed in the media. And what people don't understand is that's the easy side of the relationship. The harder side of the relationship is the connection and the maturity and the conversation. And so so many times, single people they are in a physical relationship with that should be saved for the context of marriage. And because you're in a physical relationship, you are not talking as deeply as you need. So, on so the way that God has it set up is that sex is safe for the context of marriage because y'all gonna be able to do that for the rest of your life and have a good time doing it. But right now, before you get married, it's deep conversations. Are we going the same way? How do you feel? How is your upbringing? Was your mom around? Was your dad around? Have you ever seen a healthy marriage? How do you manage money? What is your credit score? What is the um what is the the top three biggest fears that you have? Um, how do you how do you see how many children do you want to have? I mean, it's not surface conversation where we just talking about you know, Travis Kelsey and Taylor Swift all day. No, I'm talking about deep conversations like what's been your greatest hurt, what's been your greatest pain? Um, how do you how do you view this? You might even need to have some political conversations. I see people get married, and oh my God, if you're super left and you marry somebody who's super right or vice versa, you really look at the world two different ways.
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_01You look at the world. It's it's just it's just how you perceive the world. And if you think that that's not gonna creep over into this ministry of marriage, you really need to reconsider what this whole thing called marriage is about. And so that's a huge red flag.
SPEAKER_03So good, babe.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Red flag number five, and this is the last one we got for you. And I feel like this is a very shareable episode. And so, my God, as soon as we finish, make sure that you get this into the hands of somebody who needs it. Um, is the lack of vision or direction. I think that's a huge red flag. No spiritual goals, no personal plan, drifting through life. Here's the key thought don't tie your life to someone who isn't going anywhere.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Proverbs 29, 18 says, Where there's no vision, the people perish. And I think that there, and we see this all the time, women who marry a man and he has no vision, and then she gets mad because he's not leading. But that's who you married. You may when you married him, he's playing video games, going to the pool hall, and fine with work and minimum wage. All right, you made a decision. You better love that man for where he is, but you cannot turn him into something that he's not.
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_01So if you're not married yet, and that's what you want, you want a leader, you want somebody who has vision, you want somebody who's going somewhere, it needs to be a red flag for you if they don't. Vice versa.
Closing, Community Invites, And Events
SPEAKER_03Absolutely. You have to know what you want. Um, that's one of the things that attracted me to you is that, you know, we were in college when we met, but you know, a lot of people in college, they were just, oh my gosh, just playing, just still boys, in my opinion. You know what I mean? You're you you are what you are. But in my opinion, you know, people coming up to me and, you know, just saying all kinds of things, treat me all kinds of things, like, please, I don't have time for that, you know. Um, and so what I liked about you is that you did have goals. I like the way you carried yourself. I like the way you, you know, had businesses and, you know, plans for the future. And so, yeah, you got to know what you want.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And then you're and here's the red flag. And so if you have a vision for your life and you've had this vision for your life for many years, and you feel like it's from God and it's going this way, and then you meet somebody who has a vision for their life and it's going that way. You might be really, really good friends, but does that mean that you need to be the two become one?
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_01And I think those are the red flags that people look over. Like I have a fire for God and I love the gifts of the Holy Spirit. I don't know if I want to marry a cessationist, someone who don't believe the gifts of For today. Right. That's we just got two visions for our life. We vote differently, we see things differently. And I'm not gonna change you, and dog on it, you're not gonna change me. Right. You know what I'm saying? I really feel I'm adventurous and I want to go see the world. You don't want to leave the city. You want to think about that. We're saying proceed with caution. It might not even be a deal breaker for you. You might be like, I'm fine traveling with my girlfriends or my or my homies. But if you're a person that's like, no, I want my marriage to be my best friend, oh, you need to consider that. And do your do your visions go along? Do you do you do you see God the same way? Man, this is so good, baby. This is so good. And so I actually have some bonus content, and that's why it does pay to stick around to the end. Um, five quick dating discernment keys. Here they are. Number one, pray before you play. See God's wisdom before you get emotionally invested. Number two, ask trusted voices. Get feedback from spiritually mature friends and mentors. Number three, observe but don't excuse. Believe patterns, not just promises. People talk a good game. Number four, look for fruit. The fruit of their life reveals the root of their heart. Be a fruit inspector. Okay? Even when it comes to false prophets, you will know a tree by its fruit. Is it a good church or a bad church? You will know a tree by its fruit. You gotta be a fruit inspector. Number five, trust the nudges of the Holy Spirit. Don't ignore the inner checks that you have. When your peace is gone, pay attention to that. I'm not saying project your fears and your triggers and your trauma, but doggone it, trust the nudging of the Holy Spirit. Yes. Yeah. So good, right? And so, guys, we enjoy um spending some time with you guys today. Thank you so much for tuning in. If you are new to our podcast, stop right now, hit the subscribe button on YouTube, hit the icon. We want you to be the first to get the content. We drop new episodes every Thursday, 3 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, right here in the good US of A. We would love to hear from you. There's an email address. Share your story. We get testimonies all the time of how marriages are being restored, disciples are being made, people are even being healed as they're watching this podcast. If you're ever in Florida, come worship with us at a live church. We have campuses in Orlando, Tampa, also Gainesville, and hopefully coming to a place near you. But I tell you what, if you don't have a church home, join us online. You can watch live online. There's hundreds of people that are coming from all over the world, joining us at 9 45 Eastern Standard Time. And uh you can find that in your show notes as well. A live conference is coming up soon if you ever wanted to come in. It's coming up next week, sweetheart. This thing is coming up soon. And it's not too late for you to come. We have room for 3,000 people from around the world coming together to have a touch from the Holy Spirit. I believe that this one Kairos moment can be the difference maker in your life. And so come on in and hang out with us. And tomorrow's Halloween, we're doing something special. If you're anywhere near Orlando called Light the Night, where we're simply going to have a Halloween alternative for those of you all who are close to one of our campuses, it's a family-friend, fun event. Come and hang out with us. All right. Hey, we'll see you next Thursday. God bless you. Peace. A live conference 2025 is a three-day encounter designed to activate your calling, stir your faith, and connect you with something bigger than yourself. Get ready for an atmosphere full of encounter, powerful worship, anointed messages, and master classes designed to strengthen you spiritually, personally, and in your leadership. This conference creates a space for believers who want to encounter God and see their spiritual gifts activated. No matter where you find yourself, this is your moment. November 6th through the 8th, here in Orlando, Florida. What happens in these three days could shape the next 30 years of your life. Alive Conference 2025. Revival is here.org to register now. Come ready, come hungry, leave transformed.
