The #1 Mistake Singles Make in Choosing a Partner

Dating with wisdom starts by turning your list into a mirror. We talk candidly about why so many singles overvalue appearance and chemistry, then feel blindsided after the wedding when character gaps show up at full volume. Attraction matters, but it won’t hold a marriage together. What does? Shared faith, proven integrity, and the humble skills that make peace during conflict.

We break down five practical filters for choosing well: spiritual alignment rooted in a real walk with God, character you can verify not just imagine, respectful conflict that doesn’t turn doors into drums, inviting wise counsel into your relationship, and giving time the chance to reveal truth. Along the way, we challenge narrow “types” and cultural boxes that can blind you to a great match. Preference isn’t a problem until it becomes a prison. If you’ve ever felt stuck between being pressed to couple up or too guarded to try, we show you the healthy middle: content in God, open to love, and clear on standards.

You’ll also hear why breakups can be protection, not proof you failed, plus four self-check questions to ask before saying yes. And we elevate the single season as sacred—an unmatched window to pursue purpose, deepen prayer, serve boldly, and become the kind of person your future spouse will thank you for. Whether you’re building a new list or revising an old one, this conversation helps you choose a partner you can stay in love with through highs, lows, and everything between.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs clarity in dating, and leave a review with the one green flag you now look for. Your story might be the nudge someone else needs today.

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Transcript

The List And The Mirror Test

SPEAKER_02 0:00

You're single and you have a list. And let's say you get everything you want on your list, what they look like, they're intelligent, they're successful, all of this stuff. Anointed, love the Lord. And you get everything you want on your list, now you're married. It's like what you said, now you realize like, oh snap, you better be the equivalent of what your list is. Okay. Like if you want somebody who handles their business, you better handle your business. If you want somebody that's successful, you need to be successful. If you want somebody that has a close relationship with God and will prophesy and say, Oh, thus says the Lord, you better know how to hear from God and say what God is saying. Because if not, something ain't gonna be right when you get married. You're gonna have to step up to the plate.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

All right, welcome to another show, guys. We got a good one for you. Welcome to another episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha. Man, we're pumped to have you guys today. She hasn't a laugh attack, but we don't even care because we're gonna keep moving. Because if not, we're just gonna be here all day, y'all. Oh, yeah. So let the joy of the Lord, it's on her, be on me. Today's episode is called The Number One Mistake Singles Make in Choosing a Partner, okay? And we want to help you avoid it today. Now, here's the deal. You know our podcast is first and foremost a marriage relationship podcast. Secondly, it's a personal growth podcast. We don't care about your relationship status. We want to help you grow closer to God and closer to the people that God's placed in your life. But what we know is that we have a lot of people out there that are not married right now. And I'm glad you're here. Why? Because you need to learn principles about marriage and relationships years before you ever get into one. And so you want to grow. I mean, listen, the best time to work on your marriage is before you get married. Somebody say amen.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

So we're going to talk about the number one mistake. And so for this one, here's a few principles that you that I share all the time. I want you to get it today. Are you ready? It's better to be single and satisfied than married and miserable. Let me say it again. It's better to be single and satisfied than married and miserable.

unknown 2:02

Okay?

SPEAKER_00 2:02

What does that mean to you?

Be Whole Before You Wed

SPEAKER_02 2:03

That means you want to choose right.

SPEAKER_00 2:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

You know, you want to choose the right person to say I do.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

You do. You do. You do. Um, my thought is this if you're single, you don't want to be pressed for marriage. Um, like if you're that kind of person that says, Well, I'm gonna be happy when I get married. If you're not happy now, don't get married. Because marriage will has this ability to magnify all of your shortcomings, all of their shortcomings. Um, so you want to be happy now. Fulfill now, joyful now, mature now. Mature now before you even get married. Okay. You believe that?

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Yeah, I do. Why is that? I I think because when you get married, especially, you know, when you're marrying someone that you love, they're great, they love God, all of that. Like when I think of us, you bring out the best in me, but you also help me um be aware of my flaws.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

You, you know, you can come and be like, do you realize that I balance you out? Yeah, you balance me, and vice versa. You know, like we but if you're not mature, um I'm gonna look at you and see your flaws, and I'm gonna wanna tell you about it, and you're gonna be mad at me, and I'm gonna be the enemy, but I'm here just to help you. I'm here to help you get better. Do you know what I mean? So it there's a lot of fighting that goes on when there's immature people around. We are going to get on each other's nerves.

From Selfish Lists To Servant Hearts

SPEAKER_00 3:26

I just thought about a few mistakes that single people do. I think many single people, and they have this list, and this is all I want in a spouse. And I'm believing God that he's this tall, and I'm believing God she makes six figures, and I'm believing God, you got all this stuff that you list, and most of it's self-serving. And then you get married and you figure out that it's really not about what you want, it's about what you can do to serve the other person. And it blows my mind that we get into a marriage and like, well, I want a spouse that's gonna cook for me, clean for me, give me sex, pay my bills, do this, that, and the other. They're gonna be nice to me and they're gonna have kids. And we don't realize that everything on that list is selfishness. It's all about me. And then you get married and you figure out you better throw your selfish list way out of the window because now you are gonna be the greatest servant of all. How can I bless you, take care of you? What do you want to do? How many kids do you want to have? And it's almost like we enter into the relationship in the wrong angle and want to know why we don't have good relationships.

SPEAKER_02 4:24

I love it that you talked about the list because you know, people have a list. I think you probably should have a list, you know.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

Yeah, be your faith needs a target. I get it.

Get Your List, Then Match Its Standard

SPEAKER_02 4:31

Right. I've no I know people who, you know, they got everything they want on their list, praise the Lord. So let's just create a scenario. Let's say you're single and you have a list. And let's say you get everything you want on your list, what they look like, they're intelligent, they're successful, all of this stuff. Anointed, love the Lord, and you get everything you want on your list, now you're married. It's like what you said, now you realize like, oh snap, you better be the equivalent of what your list is. Okay. Like if you want somebody who handles their business, you better handle your business. If you want somebody that's successful, you need to be successful. If you want somebody that has a close relationship with God and will prophesy and say, Oh, thus says the Lord, you better know how to hear from God and say what God is saying. Because if not, something ain't gonna be right when you get married. You're gonna have to step up to the plate. They're going to be high maintenance.

Contentment In The Single Season

Avoiding Extremes: Desperate Or Closed Off

SPEAKER_00 5:24

Marriage is a blessing, guys. Um, but when it's done the right way with the right person, if it's not done the right way with the right person, marriage can be hard, tough, and challenging. And you know what? We have the wonderful opportunity that we talk to people all the time. And we know some people who are happily married, and some people who are unhappily married. We know some singles who are happily single, and we know some singles who are unhappily single. Marriage is not going to be the band-aid for your unhealed trauma and the immaturity that you have not developed out of that Christ is calling you into. You're gonna have to be willing to do the hard work. And sometimes when you get serious about your father's business, as you're going and you're growing, God's gonna put the right person in your life. And anything before that time would actually be out of season and it would be sour. And so, my goal in helping singles is this I want you to be so fulfilled in the single season, so on fire for God, so on passion, so passionate for God, to where if God does bring somebody into your life when you find them, you'll be like, okay, cool. But if you don't find them, you're like, okay, cool, because you're just so content in the season that you happen to be in. But at the same time, you know, it's like I want to warn people as well on the other end, because then you have people just like, well, um, they they never want to be married. And it's and it's not because they want like it's okay to be single. Matter of fact, Jesus was single, Paul was single, but they actually are so afraid to be in a relationship again, and they make things so hard. I guess what I'm saying is there are a lot of believers out there, they don't know how to date, they don't know how to just be approachable. You know what I'm saying? They they swing too far either way. It's like you have the pressed group and they always gotta have somebody, and then you got the other people. It's like they don't want to date, they don't want to talk to anybody, they don't want anything to do with that. And I just I feel like probably it's a healthy in the middle. Like I'm fulfilled in who I am in God, but I'm open if God brings somebody that I think is gonna add some value to my life and that I can serve and do life with, that's good as well. What would what would you think?

SPEAKER_02 7:35

I mean, yeah, and I I mean, I just also think too, I don't know if there's like any set roles, you know what I mean? Like besides godly and ungodly, holy and unholy, just be holy, you know what I mean? But I think that it's okay, like um, you know, to have a desire to be married, you know, like as a woman to, you know, want to get married and have kids. And it's okay to be like, wow, you know, like to be excited to meet that person and be like, oh, wow, I'm gonna go to this barbecue. No, no, but you kind of gave two, you know, two ends of the perspective. But but it's like it's okay to be excited. Like, you know, I'm I'm you know, um, we have a 20-year-old daughter going into her junior year of college, and or she's in her junior year of college, and it's like this should be a time, an exciting time in her life if she chooses to be like, whoa, you know what? I'm gonna start believing, you know, to to find my husband now. Like, I'm looking forward, like I want to get married. I'm I'm I'm starting to dream about my wedding and my wedding dress, and I wanna like I think that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Yeah, that's definitely not what I was saying. I was saying that don't be desperate or unfulfilled or like you're so pressed to be married that you can't enjoy the season of life.

SPEAKER_02 8:45

Yeah. Oh, yeah. You better um, you know, as a woman, you know, get ready. No, no, no, no, no. Don't even think about it. No, no, no.

The Biggest Mistake: Outside Over Inside

SPEAKER_00 8:54

I think we shouldn't be excited for anything that we're believing God for. Yes. You know. But here's another principle that I would teach um, those who are single. After Jesus, the most important decision that you can make in your life is who you're gonna marry. It is the most important decision. So it needs to be made with wisdom and discernment and everything else because it's the most important decision. You're basically the two are going to become one, and there's gonna be a new team that's on the scene, and you're gonna want to make sure that you marry a person who's going the right way, who's gonna bring out God's best in you. So today's episode is the number one mistake singles make in choosing a partner. And some of you all probably already know what the number one mistake is. Um, if you feel like you know what it is, put it in the comments or in the chat section very quickly. Let's see how good you're gonna do. Okay, just go ahead and put it in there real quick. Let's see if you know the number one mistake singles make in choosing a partner. What do you think it is? All right. This is what I think it is. Are you ready? I think that there are too many singles today who focus more on the outside of a person than the inside of a person. Okay, I just believe that. It might not be a hundred percent accurate, but from the people that I talk to and what I've seen, I believe that we put too much focus on physical appearance and what a person looks like on the outside.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

That's probably across the board, period. Believers, non-believers.

SPEAKER_00 10:14

Here's my disclaimer. I realize that that is important. Now, for those who say, Well, it ain't got nothing to do. I just want to they have the right heart and they have character. I think you being attracted to that person is a very important part of your relationship for longevity because we do. I think I just got a message with over the last two days, or we had a conversation about somebody who told you, like, I'm married to my husband, but I'm not attracted to him. You remember you telling me that?

SPEAKER_02 10:39

I can't remember. I'm sorry.

Let God Challenge Your “Type”

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Yeah, but uh this is a common thing. Like I'm married to someone I'm not attracted to, okay? Um, that's not a great place to be. Now, if you're already married and you're there, there are some things that you can do to grow in attraction with each other, all right? But if you're not married yet, I do think that there needs to be a level of attraction. But what I would say to you, now listen to this, is that sometimes when you have your list of what you're believing God for, and you got, I want him to be six foot three and tall, dark, and handsome and have all of his teeth or whatever you put on your list. I don't know. Um, could it be that God knows you better than what you know you? And could it be that he has someone for you that might not fall into that category? I'm preaching better than you saying amen. Because this woman right here, if it would have been up to her, no, you didn't would have had some dark skinned, bald head, milk dud looking dude, six foot some, and she got a brown skin, hazel eye, five foot nine dude, I would not have been on her list. I don't know the best thing that's ever happened to her.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Tell it, baby. So God knew something.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

It's all true. I'm preaching better than they say an amen. What do I mean by that? That God can actually know something that you don't know about what you'll even like.

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

I don't even know if you would have given me the time of day if it was just based upon physical things.

SPEAKER_02 11:57

If it was based on, yeah, physical things. Yeah. I just thought that, oh, this this type of person is cute. You know, I had a poster. There was a model back in the day.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

And I just, you know, just We ain't gonna say his name because he might be watching.

SPEAKER_02 12:10

I don't even know.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

I know his name.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Okay, well, go ahead and note this.

SPEAKER_00 12:13

I ain't gonna say his name, because then we're gonna put out other people's names and we're gonna get the fighting up. Well, you ain't gonna be talking about other people's names. We're gonna talk about other people's names.

SPEAKER_02 12:22

Anyway, uh-huh. I just thought, okay, this is my type. This is what I'm looking for. And so, yeah, that if somebody with that type would come in, I would look and say, uh, okay, oh no, that ain't the one. You know, and I would just look, you know. But anyway, if we base it off that, yeah, no, I would I I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_00 12:39

So I'm preaching better than they saying, Amen.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

So we have black women out there who is they're single and they want somebody to love them like Christ loved the church. You might need a white man. Say it again. Or a brown man.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

You know, because some sometimes we have these cultural divides that God has not created in his word.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

Yeah.

Character And Integrity Over Culture And Color

SPEAKER_00 12:59

You want something based upon what a person looks like. And honestly, what you really want somebody is to love you like Christ loved the church.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

And and I'm not saying that I do believe we have types. I was just talking to my girls about this. I was like, well, what's your type? And they said, well, I kind of like, I think this kind of guy's cute or so forth and so on. We all got types. I get it. But what I'm saying is that you've been single for a while and you don't even look at somebody who doesn't fall in this category that you've made up. And I'm just saying, could it be that God has someone else for you? Okay. Right. And for those of you all who don't like that comment, you gotta read the Bible. Race as we know it is not God made, it's man-made. You never see in scripture black, white, yellow, red. You see Jews and Gentiles saved and unsaved. You see nationalities, the Amorites and all these ites and those kind of people. But listen, when God looks at us, thank God that we have different melanin, but that's a very small part of your genetic code. People are 99.5% the same. You know what you want? You want somebody who has character, you want somebody who has integrity. You say, Ken, do you care what color the people are that your children bring home? No, as long as they love Jesus and they treat my son and my daughters well, they love God, they lead them right and they're faithful and they're loyal. Welcome to the family, homie. Let's get it going. Yeah. Like, I just don't think like natural people think because those things on the outside, it doesn't really make what's on the inside. We're just too tripped out about this earth suit. And thank God we're gonna get a new one in the New Jerusalem. We'll get a resurrected body because this one got issues. But I just feel like this is the number one thing that I would really just love to help people in, is that focus more on the internal than you do the external.

Rewrite The List: Values First

SPEAKER_02 14:39

I think sometimes we as believers, we can create. Um, I don't want to boundaries isn't the word right word, but we can create maybe laws for ourselves and rules for ourselves that God never made and God didn't give us. And so, yeah, if we put a specific, you know, just like you know, they they have to be seven feet tall. I mean, you're we're you're really narrowing it down there. Do you know what I mean? If you have yeah, like you I'm I'm being funny, but it yeah, the specifics, I would go more with like handsome, attractive, you know. Um now knowing what I know, like having a type, like if I were a believer before I met you, which which I wasn't, um if I were a believer, I would but my list would look like you know, six feet tall at least, um, bald head, dark skin. That might have been my list, right? Now what I got is kind of the opposite of that. Um, but if I had made that a law, that would have been like, that would have been crazy. I didn't even know that I would be attracted to like that you could come on the scene. Like, I don't know, I didn't even know anyone that looked like you.

SPEAKER_00 15:56

I am very unique.

SPEAKER_02 15:57

I mean, you are. You just I mean, your eyes, your voice, like, and that wouldn't even be on my list, somebody that has a deep berry white voice. Like, that wasn't even on my list. I didn't even know that I would be attracted to that. But what have should what should have been on my list was integrity, someone who loves God, someone who's going to care for me, someone who covers me when I need them. Like it, they should have been like character um traits that I was looking for. That's just my opinion.

Beyond Infatuation And Shallow Metrics

Five Filters For Wise Choosing

SPEAKER_00 16:26

Yeah, I guess the first part of this is just um reevaluate your list. We're not giving you a law, we're just giving you things to think about. You know, Proverbs 19 2, it says, desire without knowledge is not good. How much more will hasty feet miss the way? Desire without knowledge, meaning that you really desire it, but you don't have a deep knowledge base, how much more will hasty feet miss away? Amos 3.3 says, Can two walk together except they agree? And I believe God cares more about who a person is becoming than just how they make you feel today. And, you know, our book on butterfly love, it really talks about the infatuation stage of a relationship. And I think that so many people get carried away with, even in the world system, was the sex good? You know, um, like when you're 60, 70 years old, like been married 30, 40 years, that's not the main thing you're thinking about, just so you know. You know what I'm saying? Like that is so, number one, it's worldly, but number two, it's shallow. Number three, it's so based upon the external, you know, it's so based upon the whole fallen world system. And love is so much more than that. The agape love that keeps people together. And so, you know, there are couples that you know we talk to and maybe they have some kind of medical condition, and that this the physical part of the relationship isn't like they used to be, but the love is still there. Yeah, the love is still there because it has to be bigger than that. So we are taught to make it so about external, and those things are just they're just not the priority. It's not that they're not important, it's just not the priority. Yeah, and so how do I avoid this mistake? Number one, you gotta prioritize spiritual alignment. Here's the answers same faith, shared commitment to God's word, similar church engagement, don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers, 2 Corinthians 6 14. Okay, you gotta prioritize spiritual alignment. Number two is you gotta look look for proven character, not potential. Many people are dating potential. Potential might not ever be realized. Watch out how they treat people who can do nothing for them. Ask, do they have a track record of integrity, responsibility, and kindness? Okay. This is internal stuff here.

SPEAKER_02 18:37

I would say I I love that point. It's like you are dating who the person is now, you know, not the future person. It's like who they are now, like you said, not who they were become.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Or who you think they will become.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

Yeah, who you think they will become. Because you can have, I mean, all the fate, like great. We hope that people go on to be, you know, all that their hopes and dreams, you know.

SPEAKER_00 18:57

We believe with you, we got your back, but we can't hire you yet. And we can't marry you yet. Because we cannot hire potential and we cannot date potential. You have to realize some of this stuff. It's a gamble. People out there gambling with their future with marrying people for potential. Number three, pay attention to how they handle conflict. This is a huge one. If they can't disagree respectfully now, marriage will not fix it. If they are disrespectful now, they will be throwing pot and pans in the future. They will be slamming doors in the future. You will hear their car screeching, where are you going? I you know, you you how do they handle difficulties now? Look for humility, look for listening skills, willingness to apologize is huge. You know, I'm in a place where I'm just like, I'm sorry. What you sorry for? I don't know. I just say I'm sorry before so we can move on with life.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

I don't care either. I don't care at this point.

SPEAKER_00 19:51

We we we we don't hold fights beyond 24 hours. Like it's just like, look, I'm bad, my bad. I'm I'm sorry I made you feel like that. You know, whatever. Like it's just not that they you want to look for that. Number four, they listen to wise counsel. Don't hide the relationship from friends, family, and mentors. And college people were infamous for having relationships on the DL, the down low. So if you're embarrassed, creeping, if you're embarrassed to bring me before your friends and family, you don't really love me like that.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

Absolutely.

Breakups As God’s Protection

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Um and if everyone you respect has concerns about the relationship, don't just brush it off. If everyone that really loves you has a concern with the relationship that you're in, you need to lean into that. And number five, take your time. You know, time reveals truth. Quote Time and truth walk hand in hand, give them both a chance. Time and truth, they walk hand in hand, give them both a chance. Time, you know, I've seen, I've seen time. You and I've seen people hide stuff though for seven, eight years, and then and then and then and then crazy come out. So some people are really good at that, but I think that if you just try to give people a little bit more time with discernment, God's gonna keep you from mess.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

As I've grown older, when you talk about like um listening to the people around you and having people that you respect, like you know, if they're looking at your relationship, being like, uh-uh, that ain't it, you know, maybe lean into it a little bit. Um, there's some things that just from being around and living life, like I've seen so many couples, I've seen so many relationships start and end and start and end. And I think even just through life in general, like we can look at people that we graduated high school with and we thought, oh my gosh, they were going to go far. They're so smart, they're so popular, they're football players, cheerleaders, like all of this stuff. And we like, oh snap, I thought you were gonna do more than that, you know. People that we went to college with, and we thought, oh my gosh, they're gonna be amazing, you know, they're all this stuff. But then it was just like, wow, do you go to church? Do you love God? Oh, snap, what happened? And what are you doing now? You thought that they were gonna do or be more than what they are or are doing. What was that? We saw the potential, and now we're seeing whether they actually lived that potential out.

Four Self‑Checks Before Saying Yes

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Yeah, I just felt this so hard in my spirit, and I don't know who this is for. And maybe it's for somebody who's been through a breakup before, and that breakup almost broke you. But I want you to look at that breakup just a tad bit differently. Maybe God protected you. Could it be that man's rejection was actually God's protection? And, you know, I'm not talking about in the marriage context, but in the dating context, I would almost like you to come to the place where if you are dating someone that you don't marry and you break up, you leave it like, thank God I dodged that bullet. Because we've seen some people not dodge the bullet and it ain't pretty. You should be thinking, like, thank God I dodged that bullet. Yes. You know what I mean? Like, I know it feels painful right now. It's like, oh man, you wanted it to work out. But tell let me tell you, 10, 20 years, you're gonna be like, There are some people that I dated before you came along that I'm like, thank God I dodged that bullet.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

I could have told you some of that was wrong.

SPEAKER_00 23:06

No, you the one dating people that was wrong. Don't even get me started. You the one. I ain't you. I don't care. You don't even know.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

I was a heathen, I didn't know better.

The Sacred Single Season

SPEAKER_00 23:14

I'm a Christian atheist. Anyway, here it is. Practical self-checks for singles. Here's bonus content. Thank you for staying, staying around to the end. Here it is. Before saying yes to a relationship, ask yourself these questions. I got four questions now. Write these down if you can. Come back. Save this here. You got to listen to these. Number one, am I making this decision mostly on my feelings? Is it just my feelings? Is it just dopamine? Is it just hormones? Is it all about my feelings? Number two, do we share the same faith and values? Ask yourself this question. You're dating somebody serious. Do we share the same faith and values? Number three, ask this question. Have they shown consistent character over time? Okay? Have they shown consistent character over time? I'm not saying you got a date for seven years. Matter of fact, that makes me weary. I'm gonna just be honest with you. When I when I meet people and they like, yeah, we've been engaged for 10 years, I swallow deeply like that. And in my in my mind, I'm saying, okay, there's either commitment issues here or something's wrong. Okay. Because especially with men, we kind of are like chasers and hunters. We know what we want. Like when I was 20 and I found her, I was like, oh, game's over. You know, you know, most people that I see, they they kind of know this is what I want, this is what I want to do. Okay. So listen, but I do still think you need time. I'm not saying don't get married in two weeks, don't get married in three months. I mean, now we had a year and a half. That was fast, still. That was a little fast. That was a little fast, but still, you know, so we're not gonna give you a law here. But here's the principle have they shown consistent character over time? All right. Number four, have wise people in my life affirmed this relationship? And I know some of y'all don't like that. I'm grown, I can do whatever I want to do. There's a lot of grown people making bad decisions because they don't understand. Like me, I'm a pastor, I have four overseers. I got a pastor and I got three overseers, four people that I say that can speak into my life and and and correct me and do different things because I don't, I don't try I have blind spots, and you have blind spots, you say, Well, I don't see them. That's because they're blind spots, you don't see them, other people do. And so you gotta come to the place where there's wise people in your life that can affirm some of the relationships. And so here's my closing challenge, all right? Don't just look for someone you can fall in love with, look for someone you can stay in love with through the highs, the lows, and everything in between. And I I want to go over this this one scripture because for those of you all who are single, this is and this is a word of the Lord for you. The single season is a sacred season. And I think that there is a lot of people that you feel like the seat the single season is a sad season. The single season is a season that I want to rush through. The single season is a sacred season. Paul, the apostle, said it this way: 1 Corinthians 7 32, listen to this. He says, An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who's no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. And I'm saying this for your benefit, Paul says, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best with as few distractions as possible. Sweetheart, what do you what do you get out of that?

A Testimony Of Devotion And Time

SPEAKER_02 26:45

Um, I just I hear that. As a husband and wife, again, we are servants. I'm here to serve you. You're here to serve me. Um, I might not, even now, as a wife and a mother, my first responsibility before I can go and serve and do all of these other things in ministry is I have to take care of my family. Um, and so I have to prioritize my family over some of the things that I would do for God and the house of God. Um, it doesn't put God, you know, my family above God, but I have my prayer time with God. Um, I have my alone time with the Lord, and then what does my husband need? What is my what do my children need? It's tending to my family. So there's a lot of things that I would like to do, but I can't do it right now because I don't have time. I have to serve my family.

Gratitude, Resources, And Super Sunday

SPEAKER_00 27:33

Yeah, for me, 1 Corinthians chapter 7, Paul is not trying to minimize the power of the marriage relationship. We understand through the context of scripture that what God has brought together, let no man put asunder. The marriage bed is undefiled, it's a holy and it's a beautiful thing. Let's put that to the side. What Paul is saying is don't despise the single season for the single season is a sacred season. And Paul, if you read all of chapter seven, he starts off saying, I wish that you were like me. Matter of fact, he almost makes a suggestion that it would be better for you to be like me and he was single. What he's saying is that it's better if you are single because you can be fully committed and fully devoted to the work of the Lord. But if you happen to get married, and if you're married, that's a good thing as well. Just don't let anything distract you. But for those of you all who are single and you feel less than or you feel like you're missing something in life, this is a season that is sacred, that you can be fully devoted to the work of the Lord. It's always amazing to me when I see people that are single, and it's like, hey, you come in a small group? No, I don't have time. Hey, you come in a Sunday? Well, I might. I worked long. You have no clue that as a believer, this season of your life, if anybody should be showing up on Monday for Bible study, Tuesday for Bible school, Wednesday for prayer meeting, Thursday for outreach, or whatever that you don't have to come to church every day. But what I'm saying is that if there's anybody that should be on fire, buzzing around the house of the Lord, going on missions trips, doing you should run two or three small groups if you have to. There shouldn't be like idle time. I'm not trying to overwork your schedule. I'm trying to point your attention to the season that you live in, that you get to do something that I wish I had time to do. One of the greatest seasons of my life, see, I was a Christian atheist and we got married, and that's why our marriage was bad. When I got filled with the Holy Spirit 23 years ago, 24 years now, 24 years ago, we didn't have children. So we didn't have children until we were five years into marriage. So when I first got filled with the Holy Spirit and rededicated my life to the Lord, my wife was working in Gainesville, Virginia. But at the time we were living in um Arlington, Virginia. Let me just move the story a little bit. So she was working about an hour away. And so I was new in real estate sales, but I didn't have a lot of clients, and she was leaving the house all day. What did that mean? I had tons of time on my hand. And do you know the Amount of communion that I had with God. I would take two days sometimes and fast and pray and just say, Sweetheart, let me just spend time with God. Sun up to sun down, just me and him reading the scriptures. I would go to the park and I would just shoot basketball and I had a cassette walkman on back in the day. Cassette, I was listening to the word. I told the church uh not too long ago that I would spend on average five or six hours a day. Because I was either driving, you know, showing houses, you know, or I was just didn't have anything to do. Do you know the most precious time of my life was that season. Before the podcast, before the books, before the church, before the children, before everything, before the responsibility and this schedule that had me up at 5 30 this morning when I didn't have all of those responsibilities to be able to just have this sacred solitude with God. And I was married at the time, and thankfully you gave me so much grace and you were working in things. But I would not be who I am today without that season. And some of you all are actually angry that you're in that season, but this is a sacred season. Yeah. A season not to miss the moment where you get to be about the work of the Lord. Because there might come a season when you get married that you have so much work of the world to do. That just puts it in perspective for me. It does. Yeah. It puts it in perspective. Yeah. Well, I pray that you enjoy this episode today. If you did, do me a favor. Stop right now. Share this with somebody else. You know somebody else who's single. And regardless of the relationship status, just hit share. You know, hit share, comment, let us know. Send us an email in. Our email address is in the show notes. Share your testimony, your story with us. If you're ever in Florida, come worship with us at a live church. The website with all of our service times are in our show notes as well. Um, we dropped a new book called Butterfly Love. We have masterclasses. Um, we even have a premarital course that you can take online. We have boot camps. All you got to do is just go over to our website and look through all of our merchant products to see if there's something that will bring value to your life. And um also, last but not least, um, happy Thanksgiving if we haven't said that already. You have so much to be thankful for. I'm thankful for God. I'm thankful for this woman and my wife, but I'm also thankful for you, people that's decided to just allow us to be able to speak into your life. And as we build this online community, know that you're not alone. We're praying for you, we value you, and we're so thankful for you today. You know, so just go out and just be thankful. You know, thank God for the things that you have in your life. And um, we have a special giving opportunity called Super Sunday. If you could just take a moment and say, Lord, what would you have me to give? If God would ask you to give anything towards the work of the ministry that we do here at this podcast. Um, starting on December 7th, we're having our Super Sunday celebration. And we have some big goals to reach people more next year than we did on this year. We would love for you to be a part of that. And so we'll see you next Thursday. Love you. Peace.