Doing Life with Ken and Tabatha

Our Best Sex & Intimacy Advice

• Ken Claytor and Tabatha Claytor

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 33:01

Send us Fan Mail

GET THE BETTER MARRIAGE BOOTCAMP HERE:

Better Marriage Bootcamp (kenandtabatha.com)

Better Marriage 90-Day Devotional:
90 Day Better Marriage Devotional - Ken and Tabatha (square.site)

DOWNLOAD THE FAMILY MEETING OUTLINE HERE ⬇️
https://www.kenandtabatha.com/pl/2148103888

📍 Join us in Florida at Alive Church — with campuses in Orlando, Tampa & Gainesville.


🎟 And don’t miss Alive Conference coming soon — 3 days that can change the next 30 years of your life!

https://redeemedevents.com/event-details/1875


Support Our Ministry: 
https://myalivechurch.org/give


Connect with us:

- Website:

https://www.kenclaytor.com
https://www.tabathaclaytor.com
https://www.myalivechurch.org

- Socials:

Instagram -

https://www.instagram.com/kenclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/tabathaclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/myalivechurch/

TikTok-

@Ken_Claytor
@Tabathaclaytor
@myalivechurch

Facebook-

https://www.facebook.com/PastorKenClaytor
https://www.facebook.com/pastortabathaclaytor
https://www.facebook.com/myalivechurch

- Ask us questions: 

i...

December Reset And Replay Setup

Ken Claytor

Hey, what's up, everybody?

Tabatha Claytor

Hey everyone.

Ken Claytor

Welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha. Hey, this is a real special month. It's December, y'all.

SPEAKER_01

It's Christmas.

Ken Claytor

It's Christmas time. And I know how much you love Christmas. I know how much you love Christmas because we get to celebrate the birth of Jesus. And Jesus is the reason for this whole season. Yes. And so we like to do something different in December. We kind of take a step back and we recalibrate and we get ready for the new year. And we're going to have some fresh content coming for you on January the 1st. This is our miracle year, our miracle season. And so 2026 is going to be amazing. But now what we want to do is just kind of go back and show you some of our favorite episodes from the past. So check this out. I mean, like truthfully.

Tabatha Claytor

I mean, truthfully, I would feel like I could say yes when it comes down to just raw, like, is it more important to you or me? You know, like I could um I think you would take sex over food. You would take sex over sleep. I think you would take sex over anything. I might take sleep over sex, for example. You know, like I'm exhausted. Let me go to sleep. You know, like I might do that, but you'd be like, uh-uh.

Ken Claytor

Well, that's interesting because I feel like you could have sex more frequently. I feel like you wouldn't mind have sex every day. Yeah. I might be more like every few days or something like that. And we we've gone through runs where we've done the seven-day let's do every day. And I think we need to do like a 30-day everyday kind of thing, and maybe we'll have some married people join the challenge with us. Uh-huh. But um, so I feel like you value it, but if you compare it to food or sleep, like I can go to get some food after we have sex. It's right, right, right, right.

Tabatha Claytor

But but that being said, I know because I know how important sex is to our relationship, I do value it as much as you do. Okay.

Encouragement For Low Desire Seasons

Ken Claytor

So it's so what would you say to the woman who just doesn't care? Maybe she's just doesn't have a big sex drive. Maybe she just, at the end of the day, she feels like I I don't feel like it. And she maybe, she might think that she values it, but if you were to ask her husband, he would conclude that she doesn't value sex. What would be your encouragement?

Tabatha Claytor

Or I would say, girl, I understand. Like, you know, I have been there and we have seasons in life. I mean, you know, every month a woman, you know, if you're under a certain age, you get your period. You don't feel like it. You have PMS for five days before. It might be like you just had a baby, or you have a one-year-old and you're just like exhausted. So I get it. You're there are times in life where we just have things that we go through in our bodies. Um, and even emotion, sex is more emotional for a woman than it is for a man. Um, and so like if we can be emotionally in a place that it's just distracting, you know. But uh, we have to learn how to overcome that, in my opinion. Like I now, so I said early in marriage, I don't want to be that, I don't, I want our marriage to be great all the way through. But then I got in marriage and I'm finding like, oh my gosh, I'm tired. Oh my gosh, I just had a baby. Oh my gosh, I have a headache right now. I just want to go to sleep. Um, but I found that in those moments, I'm gonna have to fight for the sex life that I want. Right. You know, I had to decide what I wanted to do.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

Tabatha Claytor

And I know um how good it makes uh our relationship. I know the benefit in a relationship. So anyway, I just make it important to me.

Ken Claytor

So health benefits with it. Um, honestly, there's health benefits with it.

Tabatha Claytor

Stress, relief. Oh, it's all kinds of stuff. That's good. And the thing that I realized is that, okay, I am not, because we kind of hear like sex is good for the man, it's good for the man, it's good for the man, but you know what? It should be good for the woman too.

Ken Claytor

Come on, preach that.

Tabatha Claytor

It should be just as good for the woman as it is for the man. So early on in our relationship, when we figured this out, I started like, hey, hold up. Let me see how let's communicate, let's talk to one another so we can make sure that sex is good for me as well as you.

Ken Claytor

Okay. And we've done those things. We've had conversations, uncomfortable conversations.

Tabatha Claytor

What I like and what I don't like.

Communication Makes Sex Good For Both

Ken Claytor

We like what you don't like, what I like, what you don't like, so that we can make sure when we come together it's enjoyable for both parties. And but I uh I was thinking something that I wanted to share that I think a woman needs to hear. Um, there's a scripture that basically says that your body is not your own. And it says don't defraud or withhold sex from one another unless it's for prayer and fasting for a season, if you both agree, and then come together again so that you don't be tempted by Satan.

Tabatha Claytor

So that you don't be tempted by Satan that's interesting.

Scripture, Withholding, And Saying Yes

Ken Claytor

So, what the scripture is saying is that when you get married, you should not say no to sex, basically, because your body's not your own. I've seen you practice that. We had sex through um five months of chemotherapy. Oh, yes. We've had sex through, and I'm not talking about like you had a baby, okay. I need to have some self-control. You're sick. I gotta have some self-control. Don't be unreasonable. So let's put that to the side. But what I'm saying is that I've never seen you say no. Okay. Now, that is a strong principle that a woman needs to hear. Because if she keeps telling her man no, no, no, and I think it's vice versa, even men. So, I mean, I can be tired too. Make no mistake about it. There's times that I feel like just watching the game, like, leave me alone. But we have learned not to say no to one another. Right. Because when you have a sex drive and you're married and that's the expectation, you want to be able to enjoy that. What have you done? How do you do that? Like, what is the mindset behind that? What would you tell another woman who's like, no, I don't know, I've never done that. If I don't want to, I don't want to.

Tabatha Claytor

I would say try it. I would say, I mean, it's part of that sacrifice in marriage. It isn't all about me and what I feel like right now. It's about you. And for me, I just want to be, I know what kind of wife I want to be, and I know what I want my marriage to be like. Like, I want to know, I want to be secure that you're not out looking on, you know, whatever website and watching things on TV and lusting after some woman or whatever. Not to say that that would be your fault. Like if I would feel sex with me.

Ken Claytor

You ain't got it either.

Tabatha Claytor

That's what I'm talking about. I want my man like, shoot, I can't wait to get home tonight because I'm going home to my wife. I'm going home to my woman. So I that's how I want my marriage to be. And so if I say no to you, it's for a good reason.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

You most of the time, 99.9% of the time, you are not going to strike out.

SPEAKER_00

Right.

Tabatha Claytor

Because that's how I want my marriage to be. Now, if you want your marriage to be like that, you're going to sacrifice. You're going to, you know, okay, I don't feel like it right now. Lord help me. Listen, I will pray and ask the Lord to help me get it together so that I can have wonderful sex with you.

Ken Claytor

I can tell, like if you're like, uh, and then I kind of back off. But um, what we're talking about is if I really wanted to, you you wouldn't, it doesn't matter if it's 3 a.m.

Tabatha Claytor

If you really felt bad, I'm gonna be like where any time. I'm talking about Yes, yes. I mean most of the time, there's not life-threatening things that are keeping us away from each other, you know. Right.

Ken Claytor

But this all goes back to value it.

Tabatha Claytor

It values it.

Ken Claytor

And so what we're saying for a woman and a man is to value sex.

Tabatha Claytor

Value it to the point value it.

Ken Claytor

And and here's how I want it, I like it, I enjoy it. Even if you don't start to confess that way, talk that way, think that way till you do.

Choosing Sacrifice And Guarding Marriage

Tabatha Claytor

All day long, ladies, like if you're one that maybe you have small kids or you're just super busy or you're going through menopause and you just like out of it, like all day long. Speak to yourself. All day long, I'm dreaming about my husband. Like intentionally, I will take a during lunch. Okay, let me think about my husband right now. Let me think about all the things that I like about him. I can get graphic images in my mind because it's all holy and sanctified in the confines. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_01

Why?

Tabatha Claytor

So um, and and that's what will prepare yourself so that you don't get home at night and you're like, oh my gosh, and you have this bad attitude. No, you're not gonna be able to do that.

Ken Claytor

We're trying to rev and range engines up from zero. Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

Yes. I valued um sex to the point that when I was you you mentioned I was going through chemotherapy, we went through five months of chemotherapy. And um, I mean, it it was really, really hard in that time, but we still had sex in that time. And I wanted to because I was just like, cancer, you are not stealing my relationship. Yeah. You are not stealing my sex life. You are not taking anything away from me in in this area of intimacy. So I wanted it, it was my faith that I put out there that I am going to fight for this. And it was a way that I, when I felt alone in this process, that it was just a way for me to feel close to you. So you can, you know, if I can do this through chemotherapy, like you can do this, ladies. You can fight for your marriage, you can fight for intimacy. I decided as a wife that I, my man, because he's mine. I don't care if he's ratchet. I don't care if he, I don't care, he's mine, okay? He can be whatever you say, but he's mine. I decided that my man wasn't gonna be the one asking the question, what can I do to make my wife admire me or be attractive to me or to have more sex with me? I didn't have sex for a month. We never have sex. I decided that was not going to be my man. My man was gonna be the one, like, look, I'm sorry, I don't have that problem. My man was gonna have a smile on his face, grinning ear to ear. He's not gonna be sexually frustrated. I mean, he's just gonna be feeling good. That's what I want for my man, for my marriage. And I just think that when I stand before Jesus and he at pulls this scripture up and said, Did you give your husband authority over your body in your sex life? I'll be like, Yes, I did. Praise the Lord. Um, but that's just what I want for my life and my relationship.

Sex Matters, But Love Is The Foundation

Ken Claytor

And I don't even expect perfection. And I hope it hasn't come off like that because I am not that person that's like, oh, you got to do this and you got to do that, and I'm the man, and I'm the no, I don't even get down with that kind of stuff. I believe in serving you. Yeah, that would make me mad at all. Lifting you up and meeting your needs and figuring out what's going on. But when you say that, there is an S that comes out on my chest that you can't see. I feel like super kin. I feel like, oh my God, my wife is the bomb.com.org.tv. She is so set to meet my needs. It it would be um, I would feel beat down if I feel like, oh my God, she doesn't even want to be with me. I just gotta beg her every night. She ain't even thinking about this. And you know the crazy thing is that before people get married, they like rabbits. You know, sexual immorality is high, and they never had a pro many people don't have a problem. And my hope is that this is not you. I believe that marriage should be saved for marriage. Um, uh sex should be saved for marriage according to God's word, and that's when it's holy and beautiful and wonderful, and he can protect us. But if we were honest, there are many people who are having crazy sex before they get married, and they're not tired then. They're not tired, it's not about your day then, you know. But then you get married and it's like Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

Well, you reap the blessing of a marriage, which is sex is the benefit of a marriage, it's the blessing of the marriage, but you don't have the spiritual weight of the marriage. You don't have, you know, the devil trying to break you up. So you out there having a good old time.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

But once you get married, yeah, illegally. Now, once you come become married, now you you know you you you're having sex, it's the blessing of God. It's wonderful, but now you got a weight on you. So how do you manage that weight?

Ken Claytor

So it's almost the difference between doing things in the flesh and doing things spiritually. And some people are better at being in their flesh, but we want you to be good spiritually. Absolutely. Wow. And so anyway, thank you for for whatever you've had to do to grow past trauma and abuse and your own um your own biological clock or your own women's problems to be able to meet my needs. And I hope that I do the same for you.

Tabatha Claytor

Absolutely. I hope I do the same for you. You know, you you always say this get bitter or get better. I'm either just gonna sit around and have a so-so sex life and be a have a so-so marriage, or I'm gonna get better. And I'm trying to live the best life.

Mutual Submission And Reducing Constant Conflict

Ken Claytor

I ain't trying to do anything so-so. I don't want a so-so church, I don't want a so-so budget, I don't want so-so kids, I don't want a so-so God. And my God ain't a so-so God. My God is a big old God. My God is a great God. And uh, we are his made in his image and likeness. So here's some advice. Um, number one, write this down if you can, if you're not driving. Sex is important, but it's not the foundation of the marriage. Sex is important, but it's not the foundation of the marriage. Okay. The foundation of the marriage is the agape love of God. And I say that because there are people who maybe um they have a medical issue and they're not able to have sex. Yeah, and um but that's not the foundation of the marriage. If you can have sex, have it. But if for some reason you can't, the foundation of the marriage is love. Number two, if you have a problem, seek medical help and counseling. Some guys are too proud. Now they got all kinds of websites like hymns and things, you can get stuff shipped right to your door. And you have to do what you have to do in the natural to be able to function well, you know. Some of us are just out of shape and we need to lose weight and get ourselves together. And hopefully, this will be exactly what's needed to be heard to do that. Number three, be aware of what your spouse has going on in their personal lives on a daily basis. I think as you are married, sometimes where you have these responsibilities, the kids, the finances, this, and I have these responsibilities, the car, the garage, you know, I'm just making up stuff. But sometimes we need to get into each other's world and what fears do you have? What concerns do you have? What problems do you have? What needs are going unmet? And that's why we really um we're about to do a segment on family meetings, and I hope that uh um our listeners can check this out because it's gonna be good, because that's those are places of communication where we can talk about these things. And uh my my my last piece of advice would be just stop saying no. Just set yourself to to 100% of the time, if your spouse wants to have sex, have sex. Yeah, we can do that.

SPEAKER_03

We can do it.

Ken Claytor

We have been given authority, and that authority is submitted to the authority of a spirit, and we can make a choice that if you want some, you get it. And if I want some, think about how many marriags and frustration will go away if we would just stop saying no to each other sexually. And I get it, that has to be applied with wisdom. I get it that I'm looking out for you and you're looking out for me. But my mindset, and there's been times where you come over and I'm like, oh man, I just want to watch this game. Oh my God, we just did it yesterday. Like, oh my God. But it doesn't take long if you choose to say yes to get into the mood.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, it's fun.

Ken Claytor

I mean, I mean, at first you might not be in the mood at all, yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

But if your heart is set to do the word, yeah, as soon as you say yes and you switch it in your mind, it's it's all downhill from there.

Ken Claytor

It's a wonderful in 23 years. Think back for a moment.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, yeah.

Ken Claytor

Is there any other area where I'm like, we're gonna do this, and you're like, I don't want to do that, and I'm not going. We're gonna do this.

Tabatha Claytor

Never.

Ken Claytor

In 23 years, never, you know what? I don't have anything either. So obviously, there is some fruit from what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

That the dynamic of mutual submission, me knowing my role, you know your role, it really works.

Tabatha Claytor

But God's blessing is in that.

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

When we come together, when we agree, when there's unity and when we submit to one another, when we operate biblically like God intended the family to operate.

Ken Claytor

Well, I gotta try to break that down a little bit because there's somebody who just they're always at odds. Can we talk to that person? That couple that's they're just always at odds. Yeah. It's always like they're bumping heads. He says red, she says black. He says right, she says left. Why do you think that is?

Tabatha Claytor

It's probably a little bit of both. It's that mutual submission. Uh it could be sometimes he's like, you know, I'm the man and listen to me, and she's just like no, or sometimes, you know, she's like, well, I don't, you know, I want to do things my way, and he's like, no. It's probably a little bit of both.

Intimacy Beyond Sex And The Quickie Language

Ken Claytor

Can I say something that is not you, but you can correct me? This is what I feel like from 20 years of ministry. I feel like many times it's the woman who will not follow the leadership of the husband and the role that he has. And it she will not follow that. She, there's there's a risk in it. But yes, you have to believe on the on the God on the inside of that person and follow that that leader that is in your life. That's just my personal from what I've seen, the people that I've talked to, I would say there's a high percentage of there's a woman who just won't won't bend the knee. Do you think that at all?

Tabatha Claytor

Uh yeah, there's a yeah.

Ken Claytor

Uh-huh.

Tabatha Claytor

I agree. I think the other uh one, what percentage? Yeah.

Ken Claytor

I mean, how common do you think that is? Or when you say you agree, what do you mean?

Tabatha Claytor

I think it's very common. Well, because I'm thinking of there's an opposite side too. Okay. Because in the relationship, there's the the other side of it is there's a woman who wishes her man would take some kind of stand and make some kind of decision and stand up and do something. Right. So the contention is like, do this, do this. I need you to pray. I need you to lead us. I need you to go to church. I need you to watch. And he's playing games and doing and people. Yeah, he don't want to do nothing. Hey, I want to invest, I want to do this, I want to do all this stuff. And he's just like, you do it, you do it. She's like, but this ain't, you know, I don't want to make the decisions. I want you to do it. Oh, okay. So I was thinking of the op like those are the two Well, that's why I asked you, because I wasn't sure.

Ken Claytor

And I think that there's all kinds of different nuances to people's relationship there. But I guess we're trying to give it to you on a high level. At a high level, we're two intelligent people.

Tabatha Claytor

Exactly.

Ken Claytor

We both handle our business. Yeah. We both listen to one another. We both hear from the Spirit of God. And because of that, in 23 years, we haven't had a lot of knocking heads. Right. And if we do, we settle it probably in 24 to 48 hours.

Tabatha Claytor

Definitely.

Creating A Comfortable Bedroom Atmosphere

Ken Claytor

We pretty much agree because when I really want to do something, if you're not really with me, I step away with you. I'm like, oh, that might not be a good idea because I know the grace, anointing, and prophetic part of your life. And I think if I'm really strong with something, you're never like equally as strong the other way. You're like, okay, well, this is what I think, but go ahead and make the decision. And it's always like because of that, the development of whatever that is, we just don't have contention. And I feel like everybody can get there though.

Tabatha Claytor

And I think what I want people to know is the principle of submission, of wives submitting to their husbands, husbands submitting to their wives, the principle of it releases the favor of God on your life. Like when you work the word, it works for you. If you sow the seed, you produce a harvest. And so even if I kind of agreed, but I'm like, I trust the God in you, which really means I trust God more than I trust you, but I trust your leadership because God's telling me to. So even if it's not the right thing and we do the wrong thing, we're covered anyway. Like the grace of God is on us because we're anointed and because we're in unity, you know, together. So it's just like we really can't do anything wrong.

Ken Claytor

So it feels like you dot a self so much that you trust in God. Yeah. Even if we make a bad decision, God's gonna turn it around and get good out of it.

Tabatha Claytor

It's like a trampoline. If you if you fall down, boom, you got to bounce back. We just bounce right back because God's got us, because we work his principles.

Ken Claytor

I would say to the couple who's just knocking heads, there's some real inner work for you to do.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

From Selfish Sex To Shared Climax

Ken Claytor

And notice what I said. I didn't say for her to do or for him to do. There's real inner work for both of you guys to do. Right. But there is an agreement that can be made, and the Holy Spirit will help you find the middle. I believe in mutual submission, and I hope that you guys do as well. I believe in mutual honor, mutual reverence. Mutual love. I believe in mutual all of that. I believe as Christians, that's how we treat other people. Yes, sir. I do believe that God has given definition to the church and the family and all kinds of different arenas. But I believe it's all backed with this humble spirit that's faith-filled where our attention is set on Jesus to bring us all together. How to have satisfying sex is desire to be intimate with one another. So I think one thing that we've done that's worked is that we move sex from just the physical part to actual intimacy. Yeah. Whether it be kissing, whether it be saying I love you, whether it be the romanticized. And sometimes we don't do any of that. We call them a quickie. A quickie is basically we got like 30 to 60 seconds. We gotta go. We gotta go somewhere, and it's called a quickie. So we've developed language around our sex life. Absolutely to where a quickie, because you're the longie. So a longie is she has orgasm that takes longer. The quickie is we ain't got time for you, we just gonna take care of me right now. We've built language all around this.

Tabatha Claytor

And so the quickie is baby, what you need, okay. I got you. Come on, let's go.

Ken Claytor

And you and that's so liberating because if not, I'm like, oh well, you know, my pastor taught me years ago, he says that she she comes first. Okay, like literally, the woman should come or have an orgasm first. And I think that principle is a great principle because it provides lubrication, it provides, you know, we we handle you, we handle me. I think it's a great principle, but it can't always be applied. Sometimes we ain't got time for that. We need a quickie. Come on in the comments and say a quickie, all right? But I was talking about desiring to be intimate with each other. Can you speak to that?

Tabatha Claytor

Uh, I think it's, yeah, I think desiring to be intimate, it's for me, it's part of my goals and knowing what I want for my relationship, what I want for my marriage. Like I want to be intimate with you. I want us to um kind of have this level of closeness, yeah, that boyfriend, girlfriend feeling.

Learning Anatomy And Changing The Game

Ken Claytor

Well, you keep saying boyfriend and girlfriend.

Tabatha Claytor

What I mean, it's talk to me about that.

Ken Claytor

I mean, because that it makes me feel like um once again, we are defining sex based upon the infatuation stage before marriage. Yeah. And that's not what I'm talking about. You're talking about the the the um passion that you have when you're newly in love with someone. Maybe it's a new marriage.

Tabatha Claytor

But your love doesn't grow old.

Ken Claytor

Okay. Okay, so you're just using the term boyfriend and girlfriend, but that's really not what you're saying.

Tabatha Claytor

It's not, it's not the best thing to, it's not the best thing to do to say. But what I mean is that you are still, your love hasn't grown old. You still have a passionate, vibrant, young, even though we've been married for 23 years. I don't think, you know, we're we're not old and stuffy in our marriage at all.

Ken Claytor

Right. And um And we want to continue that into our 50s and 60s and 70s, and that's a choice that we're making now. And so we're talking about being intimate with each other. My fourth one would be for having satisfying sex, would be create a comfortable sex atmosphere in your home. So many people have um in their home, they have like squeaky beds, kids in the room next to them, kids sleeping in the bed. And it's just not a let's be intimate atmosphere. Yeah. Can you speak to that?

Tabatha Claytor

Um, I would say you have to handle all of that stuff beforehand, you know, like just like you prepare for anything. If you have guests over for dinner, you prepare, you get everything straight. Um, and I think all throughout the day, we're preparing, you know, in our hearts, in our minds, you know, um, for our sex lives. But then also we set up our bedroom in our home. So I make sure that there's locks on the doors because we have kids.

SPEAKER_03

Amen.

Tabatha Claytor

I make sure that, you know, because if there's I'm never going to be comfortable, you know, having sex with my husband if I think a kid's going to come at the door, in the door at any moment. Never.

Ken Claytor

At least we don't think so.

Tabatha Claytor

Well, we lock the doors. That's why we lock the door. Um, so I put locks on our doors and we do things like I have all kinds of stuff. I have a noise, I have a noise canceling machine like ocean waves and birds singing.

Ken Claytor

And that's a lot for you. Yeah. Because if you are hearing the kids and hearing what's going on, if they're out there fighting and scuffing and doing all this stuff, that will distract you. Exactly. We want your focus to be on your boy.

Intentionality, Orgasm Equity, And Next Steps

Tabatha Claytor

Um so yeah, we I can we turn on music if we not all the time, but if I need to, we'll we'll turn on music. And then we prepare things like um if lubrication. If I need lubrication, I always have some available.

Ken Claytor

Now, our lubrication of choice is what?

Tabatha Claytor

Coconut oil. Coconut oil. I love coconut oil.

Ken Claytor

You can cook with this stuff, you can put it in your hair, you can use it as lubricant. 100% coconut oil. You can use it as lubricant. Come on, somebody. This stuff is from God.

Tabatha Claytor

It's my favorite.

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

Um, so yeah, so you have everything that you need available. Um, I have what what else do we do in the room? Yeah, like you said, making sure that our mattresses.

Ken Claytor

I think mattresses. Right now, we moved uh locations, and so the uh the movers, when they put the mattress back together, it kind of squeaks. And it's like when you got a squeaky mattress, that's not cool. But we've always invested in quality mattresses. Yeah. Now, some people they spend a lot of money on an Xbox and they spend money on it just all kinds of stuff. I'm gonna invest in a mattress. I need a great mattress that can support the action that's happening in the quarters, you know.

SPEAKER_01

We don't care about the sleep, we care about what happens before you go to sleep.

Ken Claytor

Because you don't want like your kids hearing the headboard, you know, the headboard banging and stuff. That's not cool, man. I can't wait till my kids are older and just to ask them, you know, if they ever heard anything or if they don't want to know the answer. I want to know. I want to know.

SPEAKER_01

I think we're very careful though.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. But these are the things that we make an investment in so that we have a great atmosphere. Yeah. Because I think the atmosphere is important to say that sex is welcome and that it's like uh you set the mood right. You you remove the obstacles. But my fifth one, how to have satisfying sex, is work to help each other reach climax. Okay. And I think that's important because let me just talk about for me as a man.

SPEAKER_03

Yep.

Closing, Share, And Year-End Giving Invitation

Ken Claytor

Um, one of the things that we have to overcome is what I call selfish sex. It's when I'm just thinking about getting mine. I'm just thinking about my climax, I'm just thinking about my orgasm. And really the agape love of God would say, I'm not focused on me, I'm focused on you, and you're focused on me. And when we do the crossroads there, um, under the agape love of God, that's when sex becomes very satisfying. When it's not that I'm coming in for me and you're coming in for you. Even the term like where we had great sex, it's it's probably you got what you want, how you wanted it, and what you thought. It's but that's not what satisfying Christian sex is. It's me, how can I meet your needs? How can I make sure that you're blessed? How can I make sure and you do the same for me? And in the middle of that intersection is satisfaction. Um, can you talk about that a little bit? Um, as a really what is your mindset as a woman? I guess it might not be hard. You know, for me, I had no clue for the first five years of marriage. Um, I don't think you had an orgasm, nor did I know what buttons to push for it to happen for five years. Um, I don't even think you knew.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, it was just something that, like I said, wasn't very uh nobody told where do you find out this information? How do you know?

Ken Claytor

And and so when we sat down with um the couple, they taught us about the G-spot versus the clitoris, and they showed us the anatomy of a woman where the G spot was, and um gave us the percentages that few women have G spot orgasms. Most women, if they have an orgasm, would be a clitoris orgasm. They taught us how to stimulate the clitoris, and then from then on for the NAS last 18 years, it's been jackpot, it's been money. Yeah. But I had no clue.

Tabatha Claytor

So a G-spot orgasm would be one that you reach through penetration and versus the clitoris or you know, clitoral orgasm. I think that's the way you say it.

Ken Claytor

You can reach uh a clitoris orgasm possibly through penetration, depending upon what the clitoris lies, though, right? Well, most clitoris won't lose. Most won't.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, most won't. So, you know, um, so anyway, that there's a difference there. And so in the beginning, like you said, probably the first five years of marriage, I mean, we would love each other and we'd would have sex, and I thought that it was okay. You know, it was just like, okay, well, yeah, we have sex. Um, but after knowing, like finding some information, knowing that I could climax, you're like, whoa, that changed the game. I was like, oh, this is why women like to have sex. Yeah. Oh, I didn't get it before. Change the game. Okay.

Ken Claytor

We should entitle this segment, Change the Game.

Tabatha Claytor

And so I think um, so five years into marriage now, we be this gave us permission to kind of explore one another and our bodies. And for me to find out, like, yeah, I like it when you do this, do it like this. And um, you got to figure out, okay, this is how I do it. This is what she likes. I'm like, this is what I like, and it's it's fabulous.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. And so I just feel like that is an important part of it. Yeah, they're going to be sometimes there's a quickie, sometimes like, I mean, you've always been very good. If you're on that time of the month, or we just had a baby and you need six weeks off, you're still thinking about my needs as a man, and I'm thinking about your needs. But I just think that part of satisfying sex is helping one another have um an orgasm and reach, you know.

Tabatha Claytor

Absolutely. Absolutely. I think there's a whole lot of women out there that don't come to climax.

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

Um, and that would be a game changer for them.

Ken Claytor

Is it that they don't understand their bodies or maybe don't even know?

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, I think it, you know, sometimes we just don't know. We both. You don't understand your body and you don't know. And you haven't taken the time, like you're if you're if your husband isn't, you know, just if your husband doesn't know what to do, um, because it's it's very intentional. It's not like an accident, you know, like we see in movies.

Ken Claytor

Um, you you don't you in the movies you just see, I mean, they're very well maybe there it is for some people now, some people, but it hasn't been like that for us. Yeah. It's like we have to be very intentional with this whole thing. Yeah, like that.

Tabatha Claytor

I have to speak for myself. That just doesn't happen for me. You know what I mean? So we have to be very intentional. And um, so I think there's a lot of women who don't have satisfying sex just because they're not climaxing. And I just want, you know, every woman to know if that's you, every single time you have sex, you should be able to climax, just like the man does. Um, and so explore your body, um, talk to your doctors, do whatever you need to do so that you can figure out what you like and what you don't like.

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

Um, and I think it can happen.

Ken Claytor

You've heard it first here on doing life with Ken and Tabitha, how to have satisfying sex. I hope you guys enjoyed today's episode. But just like always, make sure that you like, comment, and also share the episode that you heard on today. If you are a giver, I just wanted to take a moment and say thank you for your generosity, but also invite you into our year in giving. You know, we end our year in faith. We have a thing that we call Super Sunday. And what it is, is our heart of the house offering. It is our kingdom expansion offering, it's our vision offering that we allow the people who are part of our church to give towards the year end. And we want to extend that opportunity to you as well. If you're a part of our podcast family, you've been doing life with us, and our ministry has been a blessing to you. We would love for you just to prayerfully consider um sowing and giving towards this ministry. If you don't mind, just take a moment and say, Holy Spirit, what would you have me to give? And whatever He asks you to do, we would ask you to do that. You know, for the year-end offering, Tabitha and I, this was actually this year, our 25th year consecutively, giving in year-end offerings over and above our normal tithes. And so we just want to extend it for um to you guys all throughout December. You say, Pastor, I want to give. How do I do it? There should be a link in the show notes below. All you got to do is go there and whatever amount God's put in your heart, just know that 100% of what we receive this year will help us reach more people next year and change more lives. And more importantly, not only that, we're gonna believe for a financial miracle for you because this is our miracle season. We love y'all. We'll see you soon. Peace.

Contributor

Ken Claytor

Host
Head Shot

Tabatha Claytor

Host