10 Things You Must Know To See Lasting Change This Year

Resolutions powered by adrenaline rarely survive February. We’re after something deeper: a year that actually changes because your spirit leads, your mind renews, and your habits align with what God already says about you. Together we unpack why identity comes before intensity, how to let the old you die without shame, and the simple daily choices that turn conviction into consistency.

We start with the core conviction: this will be your best year ever if it’s your best year spiritually. That means speaking new language over your life, finding identity in Christ above career, politics, or past labels, and embracing the crucified life of Galatians 2:20 where influence grows as self decreases. From there, we get practical. We pair faith with works—Scripture and prayer before scrolling, weekly church in person as a non-negotiable, and one to three priorities per quarter that actually fit your calendar. We walk through building when-then systems, designing your environment, and swapping bad habits for better ones so you can grow an oak tree, not a firework.

Community and accountability carry the change forward. Choose friends going where you want to go, join a small group or serve team, and seek mentors with visible fruit inside your local church. Create boundaries that protect your calling—media limits, no-phone bedrooms, and clear yeses that define your noes. Celebrate small wins, restart without shame, and keep Matthew 6:33 at the center: seek first the kingdom and trust God with the rest.

If you’re ready for lasting change rooted in faith and multiplied by wise habits, press play and journey with us. Subscribe, share this conversation with a friend who needs a reset, and tell us your top three goals so we can pray with you. Let’s make this your strongest spiritual year yet.

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Transcript

Rethinking Resolutions And Emotion

Ken Claytor 0:00

The reason that New Year's resolutions don't work, in my opinion, is because they're based on emotion. So the ball is dropping. This is a new year. But if you haven't renewed your mind, if you haven't renewed transformed your heart, if you haven't set goals that are um they're they're stretched, but they're still achievable, listen, you're probably not going to get to February with this goal. So it I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I do believe like in like let's take advantage of the season.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Yeah.

Welcome, Vision, And Miracle Season

Good Goals Vs God Goals

Ken Claytor 0:28

All right. This is a new season. All right. It's 2026. This is a new day. God wants to do some new things. This is a miracle season for us. But what new behaviors, new mindsets, new relationships, new practices can I bring into my life, not just for this month, that I'm going to bring in. So I'm not trying to have like 15 goals here. I'm trying to have like three, four, or five goals that really move the needle that I can commit to even when it gets hard and I don't feel like we're hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to another episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha. So happy to have you guys with us on today. Happy New Year. We're starting this new year off with a bang. And uh, if you're new to our show, of course, hit the subscribe button so you can be the first to get the content whenever it's released. Um, also, one of the best things you can do is like and comment and also share. We want to do life with you guys. So we want to hear what your stories are and how God's using this podcast to be a blessing. We got a good one for you guys today. Um, today we want to talk about a new you and a new year. Ten things you must know to see lasting change this year. And it's always been our tradition, sweetheart, to kind of in the beginning of the year use it as a springboard to set a pace to what God's gonna do. This is our miracle season. We're believing God to move mountains, we're believing God for mighty things. And the scripture says without vision, people perish. Can you just talk to me a little bit about what this whole thing means to you? A new you, a new year, starting off the new year. What is your thoughts?

Tabatha Claytor 2:03

I mean, I feel like everyone wants to start the new year right. Yeah, we all want to get better, we all want to accomplish our goals. And I think the key is okay, this is what I want to do, but God, is this what I should be doing? How do we get God involved in our goals? Because a lot of us get so many busy with 25 goals for the new year, but they're just good things and not God things. There are things that you should be doing that you know no one else can do. These are the things that you need to do. And then there are a bunch of other things that's like it doesn't matter, anyone can do those things. And you don't necessarily have to do it, they're just gonna keep you busy.

Ken Claytor 2:46

And how do you discern the difference between a good thing and a god thing?

Tabatha Claytor 2:49

Uh, first of all, prayer, uh-huh. Um, um, priorities, and I don't know. I I I think that's it.

Ken Claytor 2:58

Well, to me, um, things that were God in the last season don't mean they're God in the next season. Yes. So sometimes things were God in the last season, but they're just good in this season. And it's the only difference teller is the Holy Spirit. There's no book to this, there's no handbook of like, yeah, this is what you should be doing. It's gonna be, you know, the one scripture that says the sons of God are led by the Spirit of God. This is a year for us to put a premium on the leading of the Holy Spirit. The Israelites follow the cloud by day and the fire by night, meaning that they were continually led by the Spirit of God or by the presence of God. And I feel like this is a year for us to not just be culture led, not just to be led by the opinions of men, but we have to be led by the Spirit.

Tabatha Claytor 3:41

Mm-hmm. That's so good. Um go ahead.

Ken Claytor 3:44

Well did you have something you were gonna say?

Tabatha Claytor 3:47

Yeah, I was going to probably just go off topic, but I won't do that.

Best Year Spiritually: What It Means

Ken Claytor 3:50

I mean, you can if you want to. Um I wanted to play off this phrase, uh-huh, and I'm saying this at the beginning of every year, and I think it's like one of the most important things for us to grab hold that this is gonna be your best year ever if it's your best year spiritually. And I want all of our podcast family to hear this. Say it with me. This is gonna be my best year ever if this is my best year spiritually. What does that mean to you?

Tabatha Claytor 4:12

I think, you know, I think of everything that we see in the natural first takes place in the spirit. So everything that manifests in the earth is a result of what's happening in the spirit realm. Just like when you take a seed and you put it on the ground, you can't see anything until it begins to manifest and grow fruit. And then we see the fruit of what we could not see that was planted underground. And so there's a whole lot going on in the spirit realm that we have not seen yet and it and is waiting to manifest. And I think um when you say that, I want to take care of things in the spirit realm. I want to plant the seeds, the spiritual seeds that will create the manifestation that I want to see in the earth. Does that make sense?

Ken Claytor 4:56

Yeah. Well, a lot of people now and days say, I gotta see it to believe it. And that's not the order of God. The order of God is that you gotta believe it till you see it. And the reason people say that I gotta see it to believe it is because they put more weight on what they can see more than what they can't see. But the spiritual reality is the place that you can't see is actually more real than the place you can see. So what scripture teaches us, it says that the things that you see are temporal, but the things that you can't see are eternal. And so one translation says the things that you can see are temporary and subject to change. And so, what does that mean? The worlds that you see came from a world that you can't see. And so if you want to change things that you can see, you have to have a good grasp on the place that you can't see. So seeing is not believing, it's actually believing is seeing. And so when you understand that, you'll understand that, you know, people say, Well, I'm just being real. Well, it just depends on what reality you base your life upon. I base my reality on the things of God and the things of the spirit because I understand that those are eternal things. And so when I say that this is gonna be your best year ever, if it's your best year spiritually, it's putting a priority on spiritual things because spiritual things affect natural things. And that's what the walk of faith is.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Yes.

Faith And Works Together

Ken Claytor 6:12

I walk by faith, not by sight, not by senses, not by the third dimensional world. I walk by a fourth dimension, and that is a realer dimension. And so I I love it when Jesus said, He said, When I when the Son of Man returns, will he find faith in the earth? Um, what does he mean? Will he find people that are not moved by what they see, but they allow what they believe to change what they see? Absolutely. And so once again, the statement is this will be your best year ever if it's your best year spiritually. It will not be your best year ever because you made more money. It will not be your best year ever because your 401k did better. It will not be your best year ever because you got married or you had a baby. It will not be your best year ever because you were single and you found somebody. Those things are all good. But if this is not your best year spiritually, it will not be your best year ever because the first things first is to seek first, the kingdom of God. All those other things will be added to us.

Tabatha Claytor 7:08

Right.

Ken Claytor 7:09

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 7:09

Yeah, that's good. I think also when you say that statement is, you know, we we we think a lot of in all of the things that we need to do, the um, the the fleshly things, the things that we can do with our hands. Okay, well, this is gonna be my best year if I do this and do that, and I gotta tweak this in my business and I gotta do that, and if I study more, or you know, if I if I do all of these things, then it will be my my best year. Those are all natural, those are all earthly things that we can do. But spiritually, if we can feed our spirit and have our spirit strengthened, then that's where our success is gonna come from.

Ken Claytor 7:48

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I do know people who are so spiritual, they're no earthly good. And that's definitely not what we're saying.

Tabatha Claytor 7:54

Absolutely.

Ken Claytor 7:55

We're not saying you fast and pray and speak in tongues and can't hold a job. Right. Or you do all this spiritual stuff, but you don't have any work ethic. And the scripture that we've always lived by, and this is so important, please hear this, is that faith without works is dead, being alone.

Tabatha Claytor 8:09

Faith without works is dead.

Why Resolutions Fail And Fewer Goals

Ken Claytor 8:10

So you have your faith, your spiritual stuff, and you have the works, which is the natural part of what you do. So many people focus on the part that God's gonna do, but God doesn't do what you can't do. God won't do what you can do, he'll only do what you can't do. So you have to do everything that you can to come on time, read the book, go to the class, go to college, go to school, you know, get the business plan, write the business plan, negotiate. And then God's gonna put favor on top of all that, right? Blessing on top of all that. So he won't do what you can do, he will only do what you can't do. So a lot of people think that it's like, well, I'm gonna be real, real, real, real spiritual. That's good. But if you don't have any good natural skills, like if you don't know how to negotiate, if you don't know how to be promotable, you know, a lot of people want promotion, but do are you promotable? Right. Do you have promotable work ethic? Do you have promotable character? Do you get along with people? Do you get a do you have chemistry? So it's it's not just I'm gonna be super spiritual. It's like I got this works part. And that's what I love. Before we were pastors, we were really good in industry. Yeah. You know, so I have a business degree, we were successful business people, and sometimes I believe God loves to call business people out of business into the kingdom business because we got the natural part. And if you can get a spiritual business person or a spiritual entrepreneur, they really go far. They really can do some things for God because we understand that it's not just faith, and God knows it's not just works. There are some people that just got the works, and and and most of our messages from the church world, we're talking to natural people, right? And we're trying to get them more spiritual. So we talk a whole lot about the spiritual side. But I just wanted to take a moment and say it's both. It's faith and works together. Faith without works is dead. It is. Yeah, but let's get back to the spiritual part. This is gonna be your best year ever, if it's your best year spiritually. So it's always been our tradition, and we would love you guys to come along with us where we set like goals and not like New Year's resolutions. Because do you know what the statistics of New Year's resolutions are?

Tabatha Claytor 10:08

Probably really low.

Ken Claytor 10:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like the majority of them are completely failed by three to four weeks into the year.

Tabatha Claytor 10:15

Now I've been there.

Ken Claytor 10:17

Yeah. Why do you think that is?

Tabatha Claytor 10:19

Um, I think it's just something that we, you know, just say and do. We're not intentional.

Ken Claytor 10:25

We don't do, you know, we really believe that when the ball drops, we really believe we're about to lose 50 pounds. On January the 2nd, you cannot tell me I'm not gonna be in the gym. I'm not gonna be able to do that.

Tabatha Claytor 10:35

In your case, gain 50 pounds.

Ken Claytor 10:38

That's it.

Tabatha Claytor 10:38

Yeah, some people want to gain 50 pounds. Well, you don't have anything to lose.

Ken Claytor 10:42

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor 10:43

No, I like you.

Ken Claytor 10:48

I'm not trying to gain 50 pounds, so that would be a good thing.

Tabatha Claytor 10:51

I'm just saying, yeah, you know, you were saying some people want to gain weight, some people want to lose weight.

Ken Claytor 10:55

Right. The reason that New Year's resolutions don't work, in my opinion, is because they're based on emotion. So the ball is dropping, this is a new year, but if you haven't renewed your mind, if you haven't renewed, transformed your heart, if you haven't set goals that are um they're they're stretched, but they're still achievable, listen, you're probably not gonna get to February with this goal. So it I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I do believe like in like let's take advantage of the season.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 11:24

All right, this is a new season, all right? It's 2026. This is a new day. God wants to do some new things. This is a miracle season for us.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 11:33

But what new behaviors, new mindsets, new relationships, new practices can I bring into my life, not just for this month, that I'm gonna bring in. So I'm not trying to have like 15 goals here. I'm trying to have like three, four, or five goals that really move the needle that I can commit to even when it gets hard and I don't feel like it. And so that's what I mean when I say, but we love to do that this time of the year because it's like for our church, we have goals. For our family, we have goals. For my life, I have some certain goals. Right. And I love this time of year because it gives us an opportunity to kind of recalibrate and say what's important, what's the priority?

Tabatha Claytor 12:09

Yeah. Same here. I love to set goals. Um, and I I would say I I used to be a person who I would have probably 20 goals. You know, I want to do all of these things. And I definitely was a person, depending on that um, you know, phase of life where I wanted to lose 10 pounds, you know, lose 15 pounds, uh, I would have just a long list of goals, let's say that. And um I don't know, I don't know if I ever accomplished lo accomplished those goals. Um, but the short-term goals, those or those kind of like one, two, three things like you're talking about that are very important, I can remember and I'm able to, I know that I was able to do those things.

New Creation: Identity And Letting Go

Ken Claytor 12:55

Okay. Um here's a few scriptures that come to mind. Second Corinthians 5 17, it says, Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he's a new creature, old things have passed away, and behold, all things become new. Anything stick out to you from that?

Tabatha Claytor 13:12

Old things have passed away, and behold, all things have become new. Uh just you know, spiritually speaking, um it you know, your spirit your spirit man has become born again in God. Um your flesh is the same. You know, you might your soul has remained the same. Uh, you might um have the same desires, you might have, you know, you look the same, you know, you're still the same person, but inside spiritually, because you are a spirit, you have a soul, and you live in this body, the spirit man has changed. And I think, you know, going on with what we're talking about with setting goals and um being able to achieve them, it starts in the inward, the spirit man. And then the spirit man will help to change the soul and the manifestations that we see.

unknown 14:02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 14:02

So if we're saying a new you and a new year, there's not going to be a new you without accepting Jesus because I feel like um change for it to be lasting starts from the inside out. Yeah. Especially for it to be eternal. I know that there's a lot of gurus online now and they can change their body and sculpt their mind and do all kinds of things, but I'm talking about like eternal change. Yes. If any man is in Christ, old things have passed away. Behold, all things become new. To me, that has to become a reality. Like I'm not who I used to be. And so many times I can talk freely about who I am. Like I can say, oh, that guy used to drink like everybody drinks, sleep around like everyone else slept around, because I don't even identify with that guy no more. He was an old guy. That guy's dead. And the new kin is on the scene who's filled with the spirit and integrity, walking in, um, you know, being made more and more into the image of likeness of Christ. And I just feel like, you know, if you're going into a new year and you want a new you, there's some things you have to let die. There's some behaviors you gotta let die. So 24 years ago, there were certain things that I just let die. I let pornography die. I let flirting with other women die. Yeah. I let alcohol for me die. There were certain things. And unfortunately, what people do is they get born again and they like to bring the old them into the new season. And then they want to know why they have mixed bags of results. To me, is what Revelation says. I'd rather you be hot or cold, but you're lukewarm. It's like you've been made new on the inside, but you still think like you used to think and behave like you used to think. And I don't I feel like this is a year for you to draw a line in the sand and say, I'm gonna let some old me die.

Tabatha Claytor 15:41

And you know, my experience was different when it comes to this scripture is my old man was depressed. My old man was abused um sexually, physically, verbally, my old man just felt so much condemnation and so much weight with it. And so when I became born again, I had to say, Hey, no, I am a new creation in Christ Jesus. All of that abuse, all of those labels, all of that hurt and pain that you have been through, no, that was in the past. And the Tabitha that is standing here today, she is a new creation in Christ Jesus, and she's a child of God. And so some people need to let all of that baggage from the past, you let that stay in the past, and there's a new creation, a new creature on the scene.

Overcoming Past Pain And Labels

Ken Claytor 16:25

I guess my question would be like, well, how? Like, how did you do that? Because I feel like there are so many people, they allow their past to define them more than God's word and his promise. Right. They're defined by past more than promise.

Tabatha Claytor 16:37

It it is digging into the scripture and finding out who you are in God, number one. But then simply for right now, it's just any time you feel condemnation, any thought, condemning thoughts, sometimes it's other people who look at you and say, Oh, well, you go into church. I know who you are, I know where you came from. You have to just love those people from a distance. You let them go. Okay, we won't be talking to you anymore, you know, no time soon, because anyone who's trying to pull you down and keep you from going where God, you know, where you need to go with God, you can kind of gently step away. Um, so it's stepping away from people, places, um, and thoughts that would hold you back.

Ken Claytor 17:18

I feel like we're living in a generation that has an identity crisis. And I think that people are finding their identity, meaning like their value or their worth in so many things more than the word. Yeah. They find their value or the identity and their ethnicity or their race, they find it in their sexuality, they found it in, they find it in their job, their career, how much money they make. Um, they find it in so many different things. But all of those things, if you find your identity in, those things can be shaken and they can also be taken. And I think it's important, and this is the one thing that I saw you do, and I think I was okay at it as well, is that I'm a new creation in Christ.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Right.

Finding Identity In Christ First

Ken Claytor 17:58

You know what I'm saying? I find my identity in Jesus. Yeah. I find my identity in the cross, in the blood, and in the word, first and foremost. So I'm not a black man first, I am a Christian man first. You know what I'm saying? I'm not a, you know, uh, a specific party first, I'm a Christian first, I'm not uh an American first, I'm a Christian first. Right. My identity is found in him first and foremost. Everything else is second, third, and fourth. And I think that's very important to be a new creation in Christ Jesus. And other people that you've lived with might not see you like that, but it don't matter how they see you. That's right. How you see you, and how does God see you. Um, another scripture that comes to mind is Romans 6, 4, it says, Therefore, we are buried with him by baptism into death. That like as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.

Tabatha Claytor 18:48

That is so refreshing. And again, for me, even now, um, I've been saved for what 25 years now.

Ken Claytor 18:57

Um Yeah, maybe so. I don't know.

Tabatha Claytor 18:59

You know, even now, um, when I'm reminded of that scripture, it makes me feel alive and refresh and refreshed and anew. You know, now we're in a new year and talking about a new you. It's just like, you know what? I have the opportunity every single day I get up to be to understand that I am risen again with Jesus. You know, like all old things passed away. Here I am, you know, all of those things yesterday, you know, the the worries of yesterday, the problems of yesterday, they're dead and buried. Yeah, you know, and here I am again, fresh and new, ready to believe God and walk the faith of the and walk and fight the fight of faith.

New Language And Daily Renewal

Ken Claytor 19:39

Yeah, I remember my pastor always used to say that there is like the language of a new man. So when you get born again, your language should change as well. And I think it comes a place where you start saying what God said about you. I'm on top, nephew. I'm the head, not the tail, I'm the lender and not the borrower. Like almost like regardless of what your situation looks like right now, say what God says until you see what God's been saying. Um, I'm blessed in the city, I'm blessed in the field, I'm a child of God. God loves me, God lives in me. If God be for me, who can be against me? That's new language that goes along with the new life in Christ.

Tabatha Claytor 20:16

Absolutely.

Ken Claytor 20:17

And I think that's so important.

Tabatha Claytor 20:18

And it's just like that seed that starts underground, what you've experienced in your spirit as a spirit man, you might not see it yet. Other people might not see it yet, but it's there. You keep on going because it's gonna manifest.

Ken Claytor 20:31

Yeah. Not only is there like new language with the new life in Christ, but there also has to be a new mind. And I know that one of your favorite scriptures, if not the favorite, is Romans chapter 12, verse 2. It says, Be not conformed to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you can prove what is the acceptable and perfect will of God. And I think that if you're gonna have a new new you and a new year, you have to have a new thought life. Yes. And you have to renew your mind with the word of God. Why has that been so important to you?

Renewing The Mind: Romans 12:2

Tabatha Claytor 20:59

It's so important because I think that when we're born into the earth, um we are it is natural for us to think a certain way and and and live a certain way and do a certain way. We we see what we see with our eyes. And so I don't think anymore, it's when we become born again that we're born into the spirit realm where we begin to see like, oh wow, I see by faith when we read the word and it becomes alive to us. I think that's the difference there, that there's this we're used to doing things a certain way. But then, um, depending on your background, the family that you're growing, you know, that you're born into, what part of the world that you live in, there are certain customs and cultures that we have that this is the way we do things. And they could be against the word of God, they could be contrary to what God says and how God says we should live. So it was so powerful for me because I didn't get saved until I was 22 years old. And um, so I didn't grow up in church, I didn't know anything about God. Um, and so everything that I knew had nothing to do with God. So I had to renew my mind, who I was.

Ken Claytor 22:10

Yeah, the way that you thought about money was not a biblical worldview. Right. The way that you thought about marriage was not a biblical, the way that you thought about sex was not a biblical worldview. You felt like, well, if you're in a committed relationship, why do you have to get married? Or you know, and so a lot of people have these philosophies and these mindsets that's not a biblical worldview. So when your spirit, when you say yes to Jesus, and that spirit is born again, that means in the Greek, born from above, okay? You're a three-part makeup, spirit, soul, body. You are a spirit, you have a soul living a body. Your spirit is whole with Jesus, but your soul, your mind, your will, and emotions, it has to be renewed. You have stinking thinking that has to be renewed. And and as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. So your life will follow the direction of your most dominant thoughts. So the first thing you got to do is you gotta renew your mind. I gotta start to get God's perspective about money, about my sexuality, about time, about the house of God, about church, about gender, about everything. I can't have my thoughts. I have to have his thoughts. And that doesn't happen just because a person comes to Jesus. Right. You got to renew your mind with God's word.

Tabatha Claytor 23:17

It's our job to renew our minds.

Ken Claytor 23:19

God ain't gonna do it for you, He's gonna help you with it. But you renew your mind by replacing wrong thoughts for godly thoughts, worldly thoughts for biblical thoughts. And I'm telling you what, I was a Christian atheist for about 10 years of my life because I thought like the world.

SPEAKER_01 23:35

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 23:35

And um, so I behaved like the world. But when you start renewing your mind, what you do is you just exchange that philosophy and what I think for what he thinks. And that's when actually life gets good. And the only way to be like Jesus is that you go through that process. Yeah. I like to say it this way salvation is an event, but sanctification is a process. It's a process. Salvation, Jesus coming to my heart. I'm born again. Yeah. But now the sanctification of the transformation of your mind is like a caterpillar, a butterfly into a caterpillar, right? Or caterpillar into a butterfly. It's it's a little by little bit, little by little bit. And what and watch this, it'll change the way you vote, it'll change the way you deal with your neighbor, ungodly people, it'll change the way you even view the abuse that you've been through in the past, how people left you and hurt you. It will it will it will change how you drive. A person who has a real renewed mind, you cannot have a new you without a new thought life.

Pride Blocks Transformation

Tabatha Claytor 24:27

It's true, it's true. And I think um this renewed mind piece is is one of the reasons why people maybe don't go um as um grow like they should with God. Or maybe it's the reason why people just turn away from Christianity altogether because they look at God and they look at the way a believer should live and they think of it as rules. Like these are just this is what you should do and this is what you shouldn't do. You gotta do this and you gotta do that. It's not necessarily that. It is a relationship with God. And when we read the Bible, which is his manual and his rule book for our lives, when we le read the Bible, we're kind of renewing our mind. We're getting his heart. It's a love letter to us. We're taking in this information. And when we take it in, when we find out something new, oh, that's how marriage is. That's how marriage should be. That's what a wife is supposed to be. Oh, okay, let me throw out my old definition and replace it with what the word says. And it's a transformation. Little by little, as I grow in in communion and in relationship with God, I am constantly constantly being transformed more into the image of Christ.

Ken Claytor 25:42

The the greatest enemy that the believer has to renewing their mind is pride. Because what pride will do, it will stop you in the transformation process and say, my way is better than this way. And that's we live in a day and time where people would rather change the Bible than let the Bible change them.

SPEAKER_05 26:00

Yeah.

Crucified Life And Leadership

Ken Claytor 26:00

So if I don't like what it says about sexuality, I'm not gonna do it. I know more than God. I don't like what it says about the sanctity of the womb. I don't care what that says. It's about it's about me. It's about me, it's about me. And pride is what got Lucifer kicked out of heaven in the first place. It is the um, it is the the force behind original sin. Um you know, if you eat this, you'll be like God. Right. But you were already like God. You were made in his image and lightness. So it's always been pride. Pride is the problem that we have. Humility is the way up, pride is the way to a downfall. Um I'm I'm reminded of one more scripture we'll go over because this one's big on me, and this is almost like I could almost call this the scripture for this season. I was gonna say for this year, but I've been on this for a minute, and many of my staff, my leaders, they'll they'll know. Galatians 2.20 says, I'm crucified with Christ. Nevertheless, I live, yet not I, but Christ lives in me. And the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith in the Son of God who loved me and he gave himself for me. Um, this this scripture is ringing out to me as a way of life. I mean, especially for young leaders, please listen to this. Um, those of you all who are in in ministry, those of you all who have a desire to be in ministry or be in leadership, Galatians chapter two, you almost should be like, if you ain't got a revelation of Galatians chapter two, you're not ready for ministry yet. Because what it says is that yet not I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life that I now live, I live by the faith in the Son of God. What I mean by that is that the higher you go in leadership, the deadter you must be. And I need to write a book about this because I'm so serious. The reason that some people get offended in the church context is because you're too alive. The reason that you feel bad because people don't appreciate you and haven't applauded you and haven't noticed you yet, is because you're too alive. Because dead men don't look at that.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Right.

Ken Claytor 27:50

Dead men are here to serve and glorify God. And what I've noticed, let me just take my life. I've been in ministry now 24 years. And the higher I go in leadership and the more impact and influence I have, the dead I must be so that Christ can live through me.

Tabatha Claytor 28:04

And you mean debtor, not more dead.

Ken Claytor 28:06

I mean debtor. I mean exactly what I said. I meant what I said, and I said exactly what I meant for emphasis' sake, the debtor you got to be.

Tabatha Claytor 28:14

Wow.

Ken Claytor 28:15

Yeah. Do you see that at all?

Tabatha Claytor 28:17

I do. I do.

Ken Claytor 28:19

Yeah, it's just too many people having ministry ambition, and they're not dead enough yet. So we're gonna stump on your toes. We're not gonna promote you like you want to be promoted, see you how you want to be seen because you're not dead enough.

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 28:31

And so when I said yes to this, I gave up my ambition for clay to realty. I gave up the city that I wanted to live in and how much I was gonna be around my family.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

Right.

Ken Claytor 28:39

I gave up my church that I loved in Washington, D.C. to come to a place I didn't know one person. I remember when we first moved from Washington, D.C. to Gainesville and they have these stores called Publix. I thought it was Publix. And so I'm walking around like they didn't have no safe ways down here.

Tabatha Claytor 28:54

Even though your wife told you, baby, I think that's called Publix. You continue to say Publix.

Ten Essentials For Lasting Change

1–3: Identity, Order, Priorities

Ken Claytor 29:01

And people have no idea of the amount of sacrifice of finding a new barber, a new tailor, a new bank, a new coming to a city you don't know one person. What's that? You're basically giving up your life for the life that Jesus is going to live through you. Right. And the more impact you want to make, the debtor you must be. I could preach on, but um, I wanted to share with everybody like 10 things you must know to see lasting change this year. Because if you want a new you in a new year, um, I think this podcast is a great way to start. Right. Because we're going to be your marriage mentors from afar. We are going to be your spiritual mentors. If that's what you want, you can tune in every Thursday and we're going to drop hot fire and we're going to drop some dims on you that will challenge you to be more like Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit. And so I don't know. These are just 10 things I felt like, you know, we have for everybody today. Ten things you must know to see lasting change this year. Are you ready? Number one is identity before intensity. Okay. You don't change to become new. You are new in Christ, so you change from that identity. Start every go with because I'm a son and daughter of God, I will do this. Because I'm an heir of God, I will do this. It's back to what we just talked about identity.

Tabatha Claytor 30:17

Yeah, I get it. I get it. You know, um, one of the things I even do this with our children is that I learned that, you know, we are royalty, you know, um, joint heirs with Christ Jesus. Um, and so in the kingdom of God and how God's kingdom is run, I kind of I see myself as a queen, see myself as a princess, you know, with in all of that. And so I teach our kids like, oh no, we don't do that. When they're fighting, and maybe they would say something off, you know, about a person or say something rude. Oh no, we don't do that. This is what we do. Come on. And I'm always telling them, no, you're royalty. Oh, you don't wear those kind of clothes, baby girl. Come over here. Let me show you how we you you're gonna still look good and tasteful, but we're just going to take away this. Oh no, son, we don't treat women like that. This is this is how you treat your sisters, this is how you open up the door for your mother.

Ken Claytor 31:16

My son starts playing with little Barbie dolls. Oh no, no, son, you're you're you're a boy. You don't play with those. You walk around with your hands like this, no son, put your hands down like this. This is how you walk as a man. This is how you take care of a woman.

Tabatha Claytor 31:27

No condemnation with it. No, this is what you do. You're you're a you're a boy.

4–6: Friends, Boundaries, Systems

Ken Claytor 31:31

I'm always telling them, like, hey, you this listen, if if if you or your sisters is about to eat, you, you, you, you, you help them, you open up a door. This is how you treat a woman. Um, I'm always trying to develop in him a godly identity, a godly character. Number two, it would be order creates outcome. If you want to see lasting change this year, you got to make it scripture and prayer before scrolling email. Let me say it again. Scripture and prayer before scrolling an email. As a priority of your heart, you know, keep a weekly Sabbath window in church in person, being like non-negotiables. I think people after um COVID made church too optional. But in scripture, church was never optional. It is actually a cornerstone in which we invest our family into and we plan our life around. And so order creates outcome.

Tabatha Claytor 32:21

I like that. You know, when when you first said it, there are even little things that you can do that would uh just kind of help keep you on track. So for me personally, I um do um sudoku puzzles before I go to bed at night. Because sometimes there's so much going on in my mind, and I can't go to sleep because I'm like wired. So I will pray and then just do the sudoku and fall asleep, and then I go to sleep. Well, I found myself, you know, I was I would just get in the bed and I just do my sudoku and I'd say a little prayer and just kind of like uh I was going to sleep and I just didn't feel right about it. But so I was just like, I I need more God in my at the end of my day. And so I just started opening up um the Bible and reading scripture before I go to sleep. And I used to do that before, but something happened and I just got off of it, you know? And so now that I started to do that, actually I have a book that I'm reading right now that is just loaded with scripture, and then I fall asleep doing that instead of the puzzle. And it's not bad that I do the puzzle. I mean, it's it's okay. But it was just another step for me personally to hear from God and do the God thing, not the good thing. Um, so there's just ways that we can always tweak ourselves into putting God first.

Ken Claytor 33:35

So good, so good. Um, number three would be pick one to three priorities, not 13. You know, clarity beats ambition.

SPEAKER_02 33:42

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 33:42

Name one spiritual, one relational, one health priority for quarter one and stick to it. If it's not on the calendar, don't pretend it ain't gonna come to pass. And so pick one to three priorities and get at it.

Tabatha Claytor 33:56

Just do it. Yeah, don't talk yourself out of it.

Ken Claytor 33:59

Number four is choose friends going where you want to go. This one's huge. Um, because proximity is destiny. Uh join a small group, a serve team, replace isolated places with discipling spaces. Um, there's too many people today that say, Well, I'm spiritual and I got a Bible and I love Jesus, and they think that they are going to grow without other people, but God has created it to where we need each other. And I'm an introvert, I actually enjoy being alone, but I know that God's created me for community. Um, God is Father, Son, Holy Spirit. We have a communal faith and He's created communal people. And so it's very important. I always say this if you show me your friends, I can prophesy your future. You're gonna be the sum total of your three closest friends. And so if you want to change your life, you have to change some of your relationships. And relationships of where you want to go doesn't happen accidentally, it happens with intentionality. You gotta find people that's where I want to go and start to invest in those relationships.

SPEAKER_01 34:58

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 34:59

Number five would be create boundaries that protect vision, calling, and assignment. Okay. Decide your yes assignment and the no's that guard them. Um, example, no phone in bedrooms, sweetheart. No meetings before Devo, media limits. During fast, okay. Create boundaries that protect vision, calling and assignment. It's very important. If you want to see lasting change, you're gonna have to set some boundaries.

Tabatha Claytor 35:26

Yeah, it's good. I mean, just like you said with the phones. If you leave the phone outside of the bedroom, now you're not on it scrolling up until one o'clock in the morning. It's just that easy.

Ken Claytor 35:36

It's just that easy.

Tabatha Claytor 35:37

And which I do not do, so don't look at me like that.

Ken Claytor 35:40

You don't leave the phone out.

Tabatha Claytor 35:41

I don't what?

Ken Claytor 35:42

You don't leave the phone outside of the room.

7–9: Accountability, Small Wins, Replace

Tabatha Claytor 35:44

I know, but I don't scroll until one o'clock in the morning either.

Ken Claytor 35:49

I don't know about that. All right. Um, number six is build systems, not wishes. Um, turn goals into when-then plans when it's seven a.m. Then I read Mark for ten, ten minutes. You know, habit stack after coffee, read one chapter, two minutes of prayer, one text of encouragement to somebody, design your environment, bible on the table, gym clothes out, blocking, distracting apps. So you built systems, not wishes. So for this for the person who wants to get go go to the gym, set your set your clothes out the night before.

Tabatha Claytor 36:23

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 36:23

You know, there's just little systems that you can put in place.

Tabatha Claytor 36:25

Yeah. I mean, I do that. When I know, like, oh, tomorrow's gonna be rough, but I have to get up and exercise. I will put all of my clothes. I lay it on the floor of my closet because I get out of the bed and it's cold, and I run and I put those clothes on as fast as I can, get a hat and I just run out of like like I am going as fast as I can out of the bedroom and out of the house so that I don't talk myself out of it.

10: Seek First And God First

Ken Claytor 36:47

Yeah. You know, one thing that I do to do things that I don't want to do is that I just do it. I don't know if it's Mel Robbins teaches like a five-minute thing or just count down like five, four, three, two, one, three. I think it is her, yeah. Um, Ed Mallette teaches something that's like the the principle of one more, where it's just like, man, if you're gonna do a set of ten, just do eleven. And so to me, um, I have been working out consistently for about six, seven months, five days a week. And I've only missed like one or two times when I was out of town or at a hotel and I just couldn't get to it. And it's it's not because I want to do it all the time, it's just because I'm like five, four, three, two, go do it. Get out the bed, go to the gym. I don't care what you feel like, and it's amazing how you'll get it done and your feelings will catch up with your choices. Right. So I got to build systems, not wishes. Number seven is put accountability in your life. You know, one trusted person. And I always tell I would tell anybody when you are a part of a local church, get two, maybe three leaders, like somebody who's a pastor, like ordained leaders that you can go to and just ask questions to. Don't have all these mentors outside the church, okay? God called you to church, this church. People who are outside that church will never understand the oil, the direction, or the vision for that house. So if you come to a new church, but all of your friends and your mentors are outside of the church, you're going to come to a place where you're stuck, where it's like you're hearing something here, but you're getting something over there, and you're confusing your own spirit. God sets the members in the body as it pleases him. So before I was a pastor, I had my lead pastor, which was my number one person that I was looking to, but then I had a guy named Elder Berry, and then I had another mentor that was in leadership at the church. Those were like my three go-to. I had one for marriage, one for spiritual stuff, I had my lead pastor. And between those three people, most of my spiritual questions could be asked. And I just felt like people don't that when it comes to accountability, folk make it too hard. Like, if you if you got a mentor and he's a good mentor, they're probably gonna be busy. So make accountability easy. Like, here's a monthly update of where I am. Read it if you want to. Pray for me. You know what I'm saying? Like, make it easy. Nobody wants to track you down. How you doing? How you doing? Can we meet at Starbucks every Thursday at 6 a.m.? Oh my goodness. Like, those are hard mentees to mentor. The easy people are the people that submit themselves for accountability. This is what's happening in my life. These are my pain points. Let me know if you want to speak into that at all. I got a couple people in my mind that I know of. Uh, Pastor Freeman is one of them. For 10 years, he'll just send me a little update. Hey, man, just want you to know this is where I am financially, this is where we are sexually and my my marriage, this is where I am. This is my big wins. This is what's because just don't share the pain. Also share share some of the wins. Right. But I just feel like accountability is huge.

Tabatha Claytor 39:30

And in accountability, um, you know, I've known a couple people as well throughout the years who their friends would be who they call their accountability partner. That's not your that's your friend is not your accountability partner because your friend is the one like they they're doing what you're doing. You know, they you know, I would pick someone to be accountable to who if if this is your spirit, this is the person you go to for spiritual accountability, they should be more spiritually mature than you, wouldn't you say? Um if this is who you go to. For marriage accountability, they should be at a place in their marriage where you want to be. Right. Right? Yeah. Um, so you should see fruit in their lives. It should not be a parallel relationship or a horizontal relationship. It should be something that you're kind of you step up to where they can actually feed you.

Ken Claytor 40:16

I can tell when the wheel's about to fall off the bus of somebody's life because they're married to somebody, and you know who they t they spend time with? Other people having problems in their marriage. So you having problems in your marriage, but you spend all your lunch break with somebody else having problems in their marriage. So you can talk about how bad your spouse is to that other person. You ain't never gonna get nowhere that way. You gotta find people who are where you want to go to, what you aspire to be, who have fruit. Longevity is huge. Anyway, uh number eight would be celebrate small wins and be kind to yourself. Okay. God grows oak trees, not fireworks. Um track strikes, um, track streaks and micro wins. If you miss a day of restart, don't spiral. Um, I think we gotta get really good. If you won't change the last, you gotta celebrate a lot of the small wins.

SPEAKER_01 41:01

Yeah.

Prayer Requests, Church Invite, Resources

Ken Claytor 41:02

I think we just, well, when I get married, I'll be happier. When I have, no, I want to be happy now. I want to be happy through the process. I'm gonna be happy right now, today, every in even in the pain, you know. So it's just something about celebrating small wins and being kind to yourself that's important. Number nine is replace, don't just remove. Don't only stop a habit, swap it, replace late-night doom scrolling with uh prayer walks, stacking scripture. And so don't just uh remove, but replace. And then number 10 is put God first no matter what. And I guess for the new year, I always go back to my life scripture, Matthew 6.33. It says, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these other things shall be added unto you. So if you want a new you in a new year, this will be your best year ever if it's your best year spiritually, but you got to get your priorities right. And so for me and my house, our priorities has been and will always be God first.

Tabatha Claytor 42:01

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 42:02

God first.

Tabatha Claytor 42:04

And you know, God first, um, those priorities change at different phases of life, you know. When our children were younger, we had different priorities. Our children are older now, we have different priorities. Um, when God first called us out of business, we had different priorities while we were in business. Now we're, you know, pat leading a church. We have different priorities. And so I think those priorities change, but the God first never changes.

Ken Claytor 42:33

Never changes. Never changes. So anyway, um, I hope that this podcast has been a blessing for you guys. Um, we want this to be your best year ever, okay? And I want you to use the comments very quickly and just tell us how we can pray for you. What are the three, four, or five things that you're believing God for this year? We want to know, we want to stand in agreement with you. Um, remember this that this will be your best year ever, if, and I mean if with all of my heart, if it's your best year spiritually. So I also want to know what are you gonna do to turn up the spiritual temperature this year? I felt like we shared a lot of principles with you. Some of them were challenging, and that was done on purpose, because if you want something different, you have to do something different. And before you do something different, you got to think something different. And so, hey, listen, I would love for you to come worship with us. If you are in between church homes or you don't have a place to go and worship, you can join us online um every Sunday at 9 45 Eastern Standard Time. In our show notes, you will be able to see how to get connected to a live church, YouTube, online. We got worship, we have the word, but we also have a community of people that is growing online, and we would love you to be a part of it until you're able to find a local assembly. Um, if you want more resources, marriage resources, we got marriage boot camps. We have a new book that we just released called Butterfly Love. We've been married for 26 years. We almost didn't make it. We had a plan. I had a plan to divorce her, but thank God that God's plans are better than our plans. That's right. But we write all about it in a modern-day love story, all right, called Butterfly Love. We hope you can get your copy. And we got tons of other information if you want to visit our website. Just know that you're not alone. We're praying for you, we're thinking about you, and we're going to be here with you to journey this year. And this is gonna be your best year ever in Jesus' mighty name. And so until next Thursday, we'll see you soon. God bless you. Peace.