Doing Life with Ken and Tabatha

Quit Porn For Good! A Faith Based Plan

• Ken Claytor and Tabatha Claytor

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 41:57

Send us Fan Mail

GET THE BETTER MARRIAGE BOOTCAMP HERE:

Better Marriage Bootcamp (kenandtabatha.com)

Better Marriage 90-Day Devotional:
90 Day Better Marriage Devotional - Ken and Tabatha (square.site)

DOWNLOAD THE FAMILY MEETING OUTLINE HERE ⬇️
https://www.kenandtabatha.com/pl/2148103888

📍 Join us in Florida at Alive Church — with campuses in Orlando, Tampa & Gainesville.


🎟 And don’t miss Alive Conference coming soon — 3 days that can change the next 30 years of your life!

https://redeemedevents.com/event-details/1875


Support Our Ministry: 
https://myalivechurch.org/give


Connect with us:

- Website:

https://www.kenclaytor.com
https://www.tabathaclaytor.com
https://www.myalivechurch.org

- Socials:

Instagram -

https://www.instagram.com/kenclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/tabathaclaytor/
https://www.instagram.com/myalivechurch/

TikTok-

@Ken_Claytor
@Tabathaclaytor
@myalivechurch

Facebook-

https://www.facebook.com/PastorKenClaytor
https://www.facebook.com/pastortabathaclaytor
https://www.facebook.com/myalivechurch

- Ask us questions: 

i...

Why We’re Tackling Porn

Tabatha Claytor

The reason we've we're doing this uh podcast and this episode in particular is because we love you. We understand that this is an attack of the enemy, we understand that this is a plot of the enemy, um, and we understand how hard this is um and how hard this can be on a person, how condemning it could be, how it can make you feel like you, you know, you're not worthy. Um and so that's why we're doing this podcast to just inform you um and let you know what exactly you're dealing with, let you know why it's been so hard, but most of all to love you, to love you through this, to let you know that you can do this, that you can overcome. And the I the lie of the enemy um is that you are dirty, that you're not pure, that you're not holy. That is not who you are. Who you are is a child of God, a son of God, a woman of God. What you have done missed the mark. What you have done is sin. But the good news is that you are an overcomer through Christ Jesus, and you are equipped and able to overcome pornography, just like you are equipped and able to overcome any other thing that would be a challenge in your way.

Ken Claytor

Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha. We got a great one for you today. Our hope is that you will share this with other people and it will set people free. Um, today's podcast is calling Quit Porn for Good, a faith-based plan. And um, we got some good stuff to dive into concerning pornography. We're gonna give you some statistics, we're gonna give you um some spiritual perspective and also some natural perspective of why this can be so damaging to your soul, to your marriage, to your relationship, to your walk with Jesus. And then at the end, we're gonna we're gonna tell you how to get free. We're gonna pray for you so that you can be free because this thing can have a grip on people and we want to break that grip. And so let's just jump right into this thing, sweetheart. Um, pornography. Um, what's your experience with it? Have you ever watched pornography before? And if so, how did it affect you?

Early Exposure And Lasting Imprints

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. Um, yes, I've watched pornography before. Um, I remember being exposed to pornography as a child, um, just through magazines. Um there would be like, I don't know, whatever magazines laying around.

Ken Claytor

And as a child, we would look at these things and like like like Hustler, like those kind of magazines. Like Playboy.

Tabatha Claytor

I think maybe Playboy. I don't know. They were just magazines with naked people, you know, in the world.

Ken Claytor

But it was naked women or naked men.

Tabatha Claytor

Probably both.

Ken Claytor

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

I would say. I don't know. I can't remember. I was a kid, but I know that this is what we saw.

Ken Claytor

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

Um, so yeah. Um, so as a child, I saw magazines, and then probably like in college and things like that, that's when I saw just like video film pornography. Um, and it was, you know, I remember seeing it. I was actually shocked that that people just sit around and watch pornography together in a group. Um, I personally, this is no condemnation, you know, but I personally didn't like, like, I'm just not the one. You know, um, I was sitting in, I remember the first time um I watched it, I was in a room with um just like college friends. It was like a party, like it was a party, and there were guys and girls, and we're all sitting around drinking, you know, supposedly just having conversations. Somebody's like, oh, let me put this on. And they put on pornography, and everybody's just sitting there like it's normal. Like it was normal. Like people are naked, you know, having sex on the TV, and I'm just supposed to sit here and I was just like, this is too much for me.

Ken Claytor

You weren't saved yet, though.

Tabatha Claytor

No, I wasn't even saved, but I was just like, you guys, you know, what's wrong with this? Um, I just didn't like it personally. Okay. Um, and I don't know why. I just didn't like it. And so I got up and left. Um, so I thought that was weird. Um, so yeah, I've been I've seen it, you know, um, a few times. And um, I don't know, that has been my experience. It was is it hasn't been something that I have been, you know, really drawn to. Um, don't now I've been drawn to other things, you know, like alcohol, things like that. But pornography has been that. Now I will say, um, what I have seen, I haven't forgotten. It's there.

Ken Claytor

Right. And that's the that's the danger of it all.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah.

Prevalence And Alarming Statistics

Ken Claytor

Because when your soul is marked, there are certain things that you can't forget. Yeah. Now you might not be addicted, but it's certain things you can't forget. So you want to be very, very careful of what you expose your soul to. Right. Um, for me, I guess the first encounter I have was probably about 11, 12 years old. I'm riding my bike past a friend's house. He's probably about 13 years old. He was a little older than me. And he was like, hey man, come in the house, come in the house. And he had his dad had a VCR tape of pornography. And I remember him like really looking at the tape to see where it stopped at, so he could make sure if we watched it, he could put it back right to where it stopped. And I remember just, you know, sitting there watching it with him. And I was so young, I didn't even get it. So I wasn't like, you know, you know, into it at all. Um, of course, fast forward to my little my older years, like college years, and yeah, guys would have magazines and pornography and all kinds of stuff would be around, and I would participate and watch pornography, look for pornography a little bit. Um, I would never consider myself to be a person that was addicted to it or anything like that, but just like you said, um, that those things mark your soul. I mean I can think about it just like that. Right. I know exactly, and there's a lot of things from 25 years ago that I forget, but for whatever reason, I can remember that. I remember the scene, I remember how it was, I remember what she looked like, what he looked like. And so that's how dangerous it is to expose your soul. Now, the good news for me is that I've been pornography free for 24 years. Amen. Okay. Which means that it is possible. Now, let me preface that because there might be somebody who's listening and says, Well, you haven't been exposed to what I've been exposed to. Uh, yeah, that's true, but at the same time, I'm not dead. And I got a phone, and I got pressure, and I got warfare. Right. And there's a lot of pastors and people even in ministry that unfortunately are still giving in to the temptation that's on the device. So please understand that there ain't no different devil. Um, I've had to put the devil underneath my feet in my marriage and be faithful to my wife, just like I've had to keep my eyes faithful to my wife. And if I've done it for 24 years, anybody can do it for 24 years. There's no junior Holy Ghost. I don't have a greater anointing for this. I've just I received something from God and I've disciplined my life in a certain way that I did not open up that door.

Tabatha Claytor

And it if I understand I don't know a lot about this, but to my understanding, pornography and pornography like addiction is just like any other addiction, whether it would be to alcohol or drugs or whatever else, what other substance, pornography is like that. Um, so my point is people have overcome alcoholism, people have overcome drug addiction, um, and and all kinds of other things. And so I think pornography, I would put it in that category that you can overcome.

Ken Claytor

Yeah, yeah. And I think as if you're a bel a born-again believer, you have to. And so, but there's so many people that's watching it. Now, this is more widespread than most people would let you know.

Tabatha Claytor

And I want to say this too it's not just a man's issue. Oh no, this is women as well.

Ken Claytor

Sixty-one percent of U.S. adults say they view porn at least occasionally. Yeah, and that's up from 55% in 2015. Amongst churchgoers, 54% say they view porn. 39% of Generation Z adult um uh report that they have daily or weekly viewing. In the same data set, 67% of pastors report a personal history of porn, and 18% say they currently struggle, and that was out of Christianity today. Um a large national survey finds 70 to 94 percent of adults report lifetime exposure in North America, Europe, and Australia. That means that nine in ten people have encountered porn for the most part part in their life. Um there was a Barner study in 2024, and um it talked about the rising use of females with porn. Women reported viewing 44% up from 39% in 2015. And so these are just I I guess what I'm saying is that it's prevalent. And so this podcast is hitting a lot of people. There's a lot of people, whether single or whether they're married, that are still dipping and diving in pornographic images here and there, and it's it's hurting their soul. It's hurting their soul, and we want you to get set free. Okay. Here's some more statistics. Um, pornography statistics, 2.14 billion visits um to Pornhub per month. It's more than Instagram, TikTok, Netflix, and Pinterest combined.

unknown

Wow.

Ken Claytor

Um, 97 billion in revenues for Pornhub globally, 12 to 14 billion in in the United States. 28,258 people are watching porn every second. There was another 30,000.

Tabatha Claytor

Wow.

Ken Claytor

There was another 30,000. And 37 porn videos are created every day. 13,505 porn videos are made yearly. Okay. Pornography websites contribute to child sex trafficking and sexual crimes in society. So we have to do something about this. Approximately 35% of all internet downloads are related to pornography. Do I need to go on?

Tabatha Claytor

I'm wondering how many of these, you know, we're watching uh so many people are watching these these videos, but how many of these are underage girls?

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

Fifteen, sixteen, seventeen years old.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sure there's a stat for that. I don't have it, but I'm sure it's out there. But to to notice how um pornography, and this is like that thing that nobody's talking about. Like I hear um uh politicians debate all kinds of different statistics about um whether it be immigration or whether it be poverty or whatever it is. Who's talking about pornography? You know, um I hear some things about fentanyl, but man, who's talking about pornography? There's there's something that's happening that's um unraveling the the morality of our society.

Kids, Culture, And Soft-Porn Normalization

Tabatha Claytor

And then uh also I don't know if you have this in in your stats, but uh, how many kids are viewing pornography? Um I just talked to someone and he was giving a testimony of how he's just he's overcome pornography in the last recent years after joining our church. He said that he was eight years old when he started watching pornography. Eight years old. Um, and so I think now we can look out and we can watch, we can see on, I mean, a Super Bowl halftime show, and you s I mean it's not it's people aren't naked and they're not participating in sex, but it can be soft porn. I mean, so this is the these people are targeting our children as well.

Ken Claytor

Well, I think that there's a combination between pornography and just perversion altogether.

Tabatha Claytor

Perversion, yeah.

Ken Claytor

And like with the bad bunny halftime show. Uh-huh. I ain't watching it. I just feel like Christians, you have to take a stance at something. Right. Now, I've thought about not watching the Super Bowl altogether because I would like that the NFL and companies that support sexual perversion to fill it in their bank account. Right. I don't know if I'm not gonna watch the whole thing or if I just won't watch the halftime show, but I think as a Christian, at some place you got to stand up. And if you all collectively begin to stand up for what's moral and what's right, they'll feel it like Netflix felt it. You know what I'm saying? And they need to feel it even more. Yes. Because we cannot really tolerate the sexualization of children and the sexual perversion that they're trying to make the norm. That ain't the norm. Right. That ain't the norm. This is not about just love whoever you want to love. No, there's something else attached to that. Right. And so I don't know, I just put chat GPT and let's see what it says. Um a UK survey, people aged 16 to 21 asked about their childhood, found 70% said they had been seen pornography before age 18. Um, 73% of teen respondents by age 17. The average age for the first exposure is 12 years old. Um among younger kids, about 15% have seen pornography by age 10. That's a lot. By age 10? That's a lot. That's crazy. So I got a few more statistics and then we'll get into some answers. The number of years it took products to gain five million users. For the airline industry, they gained five million users after 68 years, cars, 62 years, telephones, 50 years, TV, 22 years, ATMs, 18 years, computers, 14 years, mobile phones, it took mobile phones 12 years to get 50 million users, iPods, it took them four years, YouTube, it took four years, Facebook, it took three years, Twitter, it took two years, Pornhub, it took 19 days.

Tabatha Claytor

What?

Ken Claytor

It took Pornhub 19 days to have 50 million users.

SPEAKER_03

What?

Ken Claytor

This is a spirit. It's a spiritual thing, and it's in the land. And um we have to keep it underneath our feet, we have to expose it, reveal it, and defeat it, kick it out of our homes, kick it out of our churches. Um, pornography affects on the brain. Listen to this. Research has shown that pornography use is correlated with physical changes in the brain. The visual stimulus of pornography hijacks the brain's reward system and overwhelms it with unnatural prolonged dopamine levels. The result is the brain physically deteriorates in shape and size and chemical balance. A 2019 study found that porn consumption increased the risk of depression in adults. One study, looking at over 1,000 university students, found that the compulsive internet pornography usage was correlated with extremely severe levels of depression, anxiety, and stress. So, in the world, what's happening is people are watching porn, drinking, which is a depressant, smoking, you know what I'm saying, and involved in all this stuff, and depression is on the rise. Depression is on the rise, they're becoming more medicated. Okay, they're becoming more medicated, and then they have other side effects. It's almost this snowball effect of bad health, bondage, and everything that's bad in the world.

Tabatha Claytor

It's like they they they marijuana used to be called the gateway drug. Right. This is like the new gateway.

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

The new gateway drug.

What Scripture Says About Lust

Ken Claytor

It just a gateway uh to sexuality and confusion, sexual perversion.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, well, it's it's immorality, uh-huh. Um, sin, and sin is detriment, sin is sin is damaging to your soul, your body. It has real effects.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. And so here's some dangers and problems with watching porn. It requires desire. Okay. Uh frequent porn use can train your brain to need novelty and intensity to feel aroused, making normal intimacy feel flat. Okay. Here's the danger. Porn-induced performance issues. Some users report difficulty with arousal or orgasm with a real partner, especially without the specific filming angles or the pace of porn. Wow. This can create anxiety that can compounds the problem. These are problems. Here's another one less satisfaction with your real spouse. Comparison is a thief. Unrealistic bodies, endless novelty, and scripted encounters can lower gratitude and attraction for the person that you choose. Now I watched a little bit of porn. I'm glad I ain't watched a whole lot because the last thing I need in our marriage is me comparing you to some actress.

Tabatha Claytor

Right. Because it's just like it's Hollywood. It's a movie. It's not real. Yeah. You know, I mean, it's real to an extent, but there's lights camera action.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. Um, here's the problem objectification and empathy drain. Porn frames people as consumable. Over time, that can dull empathy and make it harder to love someone as a whole person. Here's the problem shame, secrecy, isolation loop. Feeling dirty drives hiding. Hiding blocks connection and confession. The exact things that heal, isolation increases the likelihood of more use. I just had a conversation with a young man this week that was facing pressure and he was going to pornography. And because he don't want to tell anybody, it goes to more pornography because he's isolated with it.

Tabatha Claytor

Right.

Ken Claytor

Here's another problem: relationship trust and intimacy erosion. If it's just me and the screen, partners often experience porn as betrayal. Secrets about use can break trust and closeness. Okay. Here's another problem: time attention drain. Okay. Late night binges, sap sleep, energy, and productivity. Less sleep equals more stress. More stress equals more cravings, an unhealthy cycle. Here's another one. Mood and mental health hits. For many, heavy use travels with anxiety, irritability, and depressive symptoms. You may notice short-term relief, but longer term emptiness. We see this happening all around us. Here's another problem: boundary drift and risk taking. Escalation can push people toward more extreme categories they never intended to view, crossing personal and moral lines, meaning that it has to get dirtier, it has to get nastier, it has to be more arousing.

Tabatha Claytor

It's just like the drug. You know, you need more and more alcohol. You need more and more of the drug.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. You're breaking your brain. Okay. And here's the last one I give you a spiritual dullness. Habitual porn use often numbs hunger for God, worship scripture, and calling because secrecy and shame, they crowd the soul. So the young man that I was just speaking with, I said, How's your walk with the Lord? He says, Not good. The reason that it's not good is because he is de stressing through pornography and what it's doing, it's actually working counterproductive to intimacy with God. It has to, you have to be healed. And you can be.

Porn’s Impact On Brain And Mood

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. Yeah. That that's really eye-opening. I mean, those are things that you just assume, like for me personally, I think, oh yeah, pornography, it's bad, it's not good. But you don't really know that I mean, this is a spiritual battleground. This isn't just like, oh, this is for fun, this is for entertainment. Let me go, you know, we're providing entertainment. No, this is like what did what does Proverbs say about the the the it said that about the um adulterous woman that her ways lead to death? Like this is something that is a snare. This is a trap of the enemy. That if I can get you in here, like, oh, this is okay, this is just fun, this is just hanging out with your friends, and you're just going to see a little bit of this, but it is a snare. It is a trap that has been set by the enemy to wreck everything in your life. Yeah.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. I don't know. I feel like this is one of those episodes, you know, back in the day, you would have talks with your children like birds and bees.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

And you might wait till 12 and 13 to have that kind of talk. And I feel like we just need as parents to make sure that we are in advance of what the enemy can be speaking to our kids. And so we always have like age-appropriate sex conversations with our kids.

SPEAKER_02

Yes.

Ken Claytor

And I feel like that line might even get need to get moved up a little bit. And you don't have to be like in detail, but you need they need to hear things from you before they hear it in the world. Yes. Um, so I was very, very clear with my son. This is what pornography is, this is what people in school will tell you, this is the damage that it could have to your soul. This is how you stay away from it. And I think it's very important that we train our kids with the answer before the temptation comes. Yes. You feel that way? Absolutely. Uh huh.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. Um, all of the safety guards for parents, uh, because um, you know, our our children are our kids are teenagers at this point, but they they they don't have social media accounts. Um there's just they don't have access. Access to the internet just all uh all hours of the day and all of that stuff. Like we have guards up because um you can fall into. I mean, I've definitely been on the internet, or actually in my own mailbox, I um would open up a mail and it was from a pornographic site. And I open up my mail and boom, there's a naked woman standing, you know, sitting there. And so it's like we have to guard our children as well as ourselves.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. And so, you know, scripture is is I always go to scripture whenever it comes to stuff like this. What does the word say? Well, listen to this. Matthew 5 27 says, You've heard that it was said by them of old time, they'll shall not commit adultery. But I say to you, the whoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. Now that scripture is interesting to me because in the old testament, you know, adultery is no, you know, you're having sex with somebody who's not your spouse. But now it's like if you look to lust on someone, which means that you're like, it's not just the action, it's the intent to have the action. And so I think pornography is this step towards that. That's really huge. It's the lust of heart that really, you know, we have to be very on guard towards.

Tabatha Claytor

Absolutely. I think that you know, society is telling us that that's okay.

Ken Claytor

Yeah, and it's not okay. Um, yeah, it's it's well it wasn't no big deal. It wasn't physical. I wasn't in the same room, but it's not that it's your heart.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. I mean, I remember the Super Bowl a couple years ago with J Lo dancing on the stripper pole. I mean, I think hopefully that wasn't normal for people. Like it's not normal. Like, and that was a problem. We didn't, we're sitting in there, you know, we're watching this. My son was maybe, you know, 10, something like that, eight. And um, you know, we're I'm looking at, I'm watching my husband. I'm in the room with like brothers and you know, and family, and it's just like this is so inappropriate. We turned it off. Right. Um, because it's not normal. That's not okay, because all it's doing is it's leading me, it's drawing me to lust for something in my heart.

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

And that's not okay.

Marriage, Trust, And Spiritual Dullness

Ken Claytor

Okay. That was a good example, yeah. You know, Matthew 5 and 29, it says, if thy right I offend you, pluck it out and cast it from thee. For it's an it's it's for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish and not the whole body should be cast into hell. And so if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, cast it from thee, it's profitable for thee. If one member should perish, then the whole So basically, the moral of Matthew 529, it's not saying cut out your eyes and cut off your hands. Right. What it's saying is that you have to take such a strong stance towards ungodliness that you don't play around with it. Yeah. You know, and if you are offended and drawing to something, you got to do whatever you gotta do to set a boundary, not to fall into that.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. I I think those by and and and so to kind of go along with the scripture, so if that means not having a cell phone, throw it away. If that means not having a TV, throw it away. If that means not having access to your if if everything shuts down at a certain time at night, make it happen. Yeah. Because it's serious.

Ken Claytor

Well that goes with this 1 Corinthians 6 and 18, it says flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth without the body, um, he does without the body, but he that committed fornication, he sins against his own body. What do you know? That your body is not the temple of the Holy Ghost, which is in you, which you have from God, and you're not your own, or you've been bought with a price, therefore glorify God with your body and in your spirit, which is God's. So that word flea fornication is a very strong word. It means to run in terror. And so I think sometimes people play around with fornication like you're dating somebody and it's 2 a.m. in the morning, and we're in the bed together, but we ain't gonna do anything. You don't understand what flea means. Flea means like don't set yourself up for the fall. Right. Flea means like, why trust your flesh? Flea means like I'm grown, but I'm still going out in a group. Flea means like what Joseph did when Potiphar's wife was like, lie with me. No, he left his coat and he got up out of there. Flea means get your stuff, get packed, and move on. And when it comes to what you just said, flea means throw your phone away. If you if you can't handle going to the beach, don't go. You got to do whatever you got to do to guard the one soul that God's given you. And so Hebrews 13 to 4 says that marriage is honorable in all and the bed is undefiled. For whole whoremongers and adulterers, God will judge. And so I think there's uh uh uh some people's like, well, I'm married, so we're just bringing in pornography to spice it up. And I'm like, if you need to bring in pornography to spice up your marriage, you don't even really know what spice is or what marriage is. Like, what are you talking about? Right. Like there's so many things that you can do without bringing in the demonic and the perverse and that which is wrong, right? And so don't defile that which is holy with that which is unholy.

Tabatha Claytor

When you think about pornography, there's nothing good with it. There's nothing good that you can bring. You there's nothing good that you there's nothing holy, let's say, like that. The Bible says think on what's lovely, good, holy, of a good rapport. Um, and and there's nothing holy with it. There's nothing good about it. And so why would you bring that into your marriage? And I uh, you know, when you were talking about pornography and the effect that it has on your soul, like that condemnation that there's a lot of people who feel so condemned about it. I think that, you know, for the believer, um, if if someone were to go out and it married or unmarried, um, but you have, you know, if you're married, you're committing adultery. But if you go out when you're single and you have sex, now you're just, it's, it's just sin. It's out sex outside of marriage. But you can feel so condemned if you actually have sex with someone, you know, that you're not supposed to. You feel so condemned and you feel so bad. Why is it that you would have that same feeling by watching pornography? Because there's the same spirits that are involved. That's if you lust after a person in your heart, right? You know, you have those same effects. So this is this is sin.

Guarding Homes And Training Children

Ken Claytor

Yeah, yeah. I'll leave you with one more scripture. Job 31 and 1 might be my favorite. Um, it says, I made a covenant with my eyes that I would not, that I should not look lustfully upon a woman. Um, and I think that God has given us power to like make a covenant with our eyes. Like, hey, eyes, you don't get whatever you want. I'm gonna set you on things that are pure and lovely and of good rapport. And I think men and also women need to say, I'm gonna make a covenant with my eyes.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

The pornography for me and my house, that's not gonna be. This is not gonna be a part of my journey. The buck stops here. Absolutely. I draw a line and a sand here. And I think by the power of the Holy Spirit, he can help you get set free.

Tabatha Claytor

That's good.

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

Um, you know, I think I want to say this. A lot of people look at sex as being something that's dirty. They look at sex as being something that, oh, we we don't talk about this, or this is something that God's not involved with. And I think that's where we get it wrong when it comes to pornography, because you know, sex was designed by God for marriage. And so when a husband and wife partake in sex or participate in sex, that's holy. There's nothing dirty about it. That is holy. Pornography is not holy, it is it is dirty, it's it's not of God. And so it's not the same thing. If you think that sex is dirty and and God's not in it, so what's the difference between me having sex in my marriage? It's like it's a secret from God and God can't see it. No, God is He ordained that for you. So it is a holy thing. It's not the same thing, right? You know, and so I feel like this might feel weird to say, but if you can't invite God into your bedroom when you're having sex with your husband or wife or your spouse, then, you know, it it's probably not, you know, holy. Um, if you so if you're watching pornography and you're having sex, you know, that's not holy. You can't invite God into that room with it. And so I just wanted to make the point that there is a difference here. Yeah, pornography and sex is not the same thing. Sex designed by God is for marriage. Right. And um it's holy. Yeah.

Covenant Eyes: Boundaries And Holiness

Ken Claytor

Well, we we've done a lot of teachings on sex. I mean, if you guys just look through our catalog, I mean we've did a uh a message called Sex God's Way, Part One and Part Two, Saving the Sexless Merit. I mean, you can go through, we've dropped some nuggets on sex, and you can really get our perspective on sex, which um is supposed to be between a married man and a married woman, and done God's way as holy and pure and an act of worship and something that you should have fun with and enjoy. And so um we even see it in the Songs of Solomon, the enjoyment side of sex. But when you do sex outside of God's original intent, it's what we call sin. And sexual sin creates sexual bondage, and that's what I feel about pornography, um, adultery, homosexuality, and uh even gender confusion is it's bondage. And and Jesus came to break out of bondage, and with the Spirit of the Lord, there's freedom. And I just feel like people are gonna get free. Many times you have to just be informed. And there's so many unholy voices. The fact that you're listening to this today, right, and you're allowing yourself to hear a holy voice, right? This is not to condemn. You know, if you and I just feel so bad. Don't feel bad, break it. That's right. Don't feel bad. Be empowered to go out and do something different. Don't feel bad. Feeling bad ain't gonna do nothing. Stand up against it. Break that generational curse out of your soul and out of your family.

Tabatha Claytor

Right.

Ken Claytor

And go get other people free.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

That's the best thing you can do. So I want to talk about how to get free and also how to stay free. And I just got a few things that I've jotted down here. And here's some some things we can do to get free and stay free from pornography. You gotta tell the truth to one safe person. Tell the truth. You know, sin festers in the darkness. And there's just something about when you confess your sin to somebody else, it loses a bit of its grip on you. Secrecy is the oxygen of the habit. Share when, where, and why you slip up with a trusted friend, mentor, or pastor. James 5.16 talks about confessing your faults one to another, praying for each other. This is one of those areas that you need some accountability in. You ain't got to tell everybody, but you need one or two people. Right. And you need to put some accountability on your phone and your devices and just be brutally honest with them so you can walk, walk it out with them.

Tabatha Claytor

Yes, that's good.

Ken Claytor

Um, number two would be change your environment, not just your intention. Move screens out of the bedroom if you got to, install filters, accountability measures on your devices, parental controls, DNS filters, accountability apps, disable private browsing, block high-risk sites and apps, set app time limits, keep chargers outside the bedroom. Matter of fact, if you're the person that gets a lot of risque stuff popping up in your explore page, you might just need to start a whole new. I think there's a way to actually start like, I don't know if it's cookies or or whatever you've done that open up doors where you get because I don't get that stuff. Because it knows I don't want it. So I never get like women in the bikinis or anything, even soft porn stuff. I don't get anything that's suggests.

Tabatha Claytor

If I get something close, I just say, I don't like this, not interested. Yeah.

Ken Claytor

Yeah, but I don't even get it. So whatever you got to do to stop getting that, I don't care if you gotta have a new phone, get a whole new handle, whatever you gotta do, um, I think that's important. So here's the principle make temptation inconvenient and obedience convenient. Um the third thing I'd say how to get free and stay free is write your why plus a 90-day goal. So one sentence. I'm quitting porn. Why? To honor God, heal my brain, and love my wife well, my husband well, or whoever. And then a measurable goal, 90-day porn porn free. You know, average seven hours of sleep five times a week plus scripture reading. I mean, just have some small wins, you know. So write your why plus a 90-day goal and then celebrate every little step along. Uh, number four would be build a daily replacement rhythm, you know, 10 to 15 minutes, scripture first, one chapter, psalms or gospel, two-minute prayer. Lord, strengthen me, fill me with your spirit. One message of encouragement, text somebody else. That's always good. A body reset, do something different, work out, stretch. Um, why? You can't merely remove, you gotta replace. Okay. So build a replacement rhythm. Uh, number five would be uh identify triggers and pre-decide your when then. So list your top three triggers. And the reason, like I just said with the young man, he was stressed and overwhelmed, and that was a trigger for him. And we we talked about triggers, you know. Some people I got a trigger, like I got certain things like when I come home at the end of a hard day, I just would love some ice cream. You know, now the the trick is is can if ice cream gets to where it's bad for my health, what can I do that sends my system a reward? Could it be a drink of hot tea or I take a bubble bath or take a walk? Could it send my system the same thing like you had a hard day, so now do this.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah.

Ten Steps To Get Free And Stay Free

Ken Claytor

But these ungodly triggers, you gotta get rid of them. So um so you do certain things like after 10 p.m. the phone goes in the kitchen. When I feel lonely, I text or call so-and-so. When I'm stressed, I take a 10-minute walk. Yeah. Okay, identify your your triggers and pre-decide your when then. Number six is learn urge surfing. Okay. Most urges peak and fall in minutes. And so when it hits, name it. This is an urge, it will pass. You know, breathe four to seven, eight seconds. Um move, change rooms, cold water on face, ten push-ups, quick walk, delay. Set a 10-minute time, urges fade. And so, what when temptation comes, people are just falling into it. Yeah, because they don't know that that urge and that temptation is gonna fade. I call it a conscious interrupt. Do something different to get out of the urge flow. Number seven would be add fasting and confession once a week, skip one meal, use the time to pray for purity, purpose, and people, confess slips fast, receive grace fast. All right. Um, add fasting and confession. That's just one way to build your spirit, crucify your flesh. Speak the word of God. I am pure. My body is sexually pure, my body is the Lord, and the Lord is from my body. You gotta believe it, you gotta speak it, and you gotta act like it's so. Number eight is repair and rebuild trust, especially if you're married. Share your plans and your safeguards. Agree on what you'll share. Um, offer full access. Consider a counselor if needed. Sometimes you need counseling. Um, I I've I've been hearing lately of marriages that are falling apart because the spouse learned that the other spouse was watching pornography. And I just feel in my spirit just to say, okay, could it be possible for you to help your spouse get healed and whole?

SPEAKER_03

Yes.

Ken Claytor

It's possible. You know, many times I think when people find out that their spouse is watching pornography, it feels so personal.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

But it's probably not as personal as what they think. There's something broken in that person. And I'm not saying that you have to, because I mean, you know, you don't have to, but I think that you could be actually an answer to really help that person, help your spouse get set free. Number nine is heal the roots. Um, porn often numbs the pain, anxiety, trauma, boredom, add what heals, counseling. Okay? Um, small groups, pastoral care, real friendship, um, connection feeds recovery. And last but not least is number 10, track progress and review it weekly. Keep a simple scoreboard. How many days have you been clean? How much sleep have you gotten? How much word have you stayed in? Every Sunday. What worked? What triggered me? What's my next step? And I think if you're really self-aware and you self-evaluate, then you can celebrate the wins, you can confess when you mess up and you can keep moving ahead.

Tabatha Claytor

Absolutely.

Ken Claytor

This thing cannot have you.

Tabatha Claytor

Nope.

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

I just want to say, you know, th those were so many good points that you made there. And I, you know, the reason we've we're doing this uh podcast and this episode in particular is because we love you.

unknown

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

We understand that this is an attack of the enemy, we understand that this is a plot of the enemy, um, and we understand how hard this is and how hard this can be on a person, how condemning it could be, how it can make you feel like you, you know, you're not worthy. Um, and so that's why we're doing this podcast to just inform you and let you know what exactly you're dealing with, let you know why it's been so hard, but most of all to love you, to love you through this, to let you know that you can do this, that you can overcome. And the I the lie of the enemy um is that you are dirty, that you're not pure, that you're not holy. That is not who you are. Who you are is a child of God, a son of God, a woman of God. What you have done missed the mark. What you have done is sin. But the good news is that you are an overcomer through Christ Jesus, and you are equipped and able to overcome pornography, just like you are equipped and able to overcome any other thing that would be a challenge in your way.

Ken Claytor

We want to pray a prayer for renouncing and repentance with you. Um, and we would love for you, if at all possible, if you're ready to get set free, um, we just believe same God here, same God there, there's no distance in the spirit. And God actually honors you when you repent and you turn and you renounce. That word renounce simply means to break up with. And um, if you're if you've been watching pornography and you want to get set free or you have a high level of temptation and you just want to get set free, I want you to repeat this after me. Say, Heavenly Father, Heavenly Father, I come before you come before you with a humble heart. With a humble heart, admitting that I've struggled with the sin of pornography, with the sin of pornography. I no longer want this in my life.

Tabatha Claytor

Want this in my life.

Ken Claytor

It does not honor you, it does not honor you or who you created me to be, or who you created me to be. I renounce every hold. I renounce every hold that pornography has had on my mind, has had on my mind, my heart, my heart, and my body, and my body, and I ask you to cleanse me from shame, from shame, guilt, guilt, and temptation, and temptation.

Tabatha Claytor

Fill the empty places in me with your love, with your love, truth, truth, and peace, and peace.

Ken Claytor

I choose to walk in purity, to walk in purity, and freedom, and freedom, strengthen me, strengthen me when I'm weak. When I'm weak, guard my eyes, guard my eyes, my thoughts, my thoughts, and my actions, my actions, surround me with your protection, with your protection, and lead me and lead me away from every trap, every trap. Jesus, Jesus, I accept your forgiveness, your forgiveness, and grace, and grace, and I declare that I'm free in Jesus' name.

Tabatha Claytor

In Jesus' name. Right now, right now, amen. Amen.

Ken Claytor

And I believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is breaking every chain. I do. I believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is breaking every stronghold. And so we command the curse of sexual perversion that have snuck in through abuse or abandonment or rejection or whatever has been the open door, that the power of the Holy Spirit closes that open door, and that he refreshes your soul, and he gives you new desires right now that he's giving you new thoughts and he's healing you from the past. And um, I do believe in a f a forgetting grace. Paul said, Forget those things that are behind me. And like we said in the beginning, yeah, I can still remember some things, but I believe there is a forgetting grace, and I pray that forgetting grace over you. That you can forget some of what you've been exposed to, some of what you've seen, and that now God would give you a pure heart, a pure mind, pure thoughts, clean heart and clean hands. I believe it's yours today. In Jesus' name. Well, I pray that this podcast has done done you really good. Um, giving you some information, but also some heart transformation. Uh we're out of time for today, but you if you enjoyed today's podcast, we would love to hear from you. Um, if you're watching on YouTube, please hit the subscribe button. Um, wherever else you're listening to this podcast, please hit the follow button so that you can be the first to get the content. We release a new episode every Thursday, and this is just a personal growth place, a place that you can grow with God and also in love with the people that God has placed in your life. Um, if you're in need of a place to worship, we would love to invite you to come worship with us online. If you can come in person, come. If you're ever in Orlando, Florida, come to a live church. We would love to have you. But if you can't make it to Orlando, we have online services live every Sunday at 9 45 Eastern Standard Time. The amazing thing is that we're having so many people that watch the podcast that are coming to visit, and even God's been speaking to some people about moving. I just met a couple this past Sunday that have been watching our podcast, but the Lord told them to move from New York, and they just got jobs in Orlando, and I know God's going to bless their obedience. We have a ton of products that we really believe can bring value to your life. Um, marriage boot camps, marriage books. We just wrote a new book, um, devotionals, all kinds of things. Go over to our website and see if you see anything there that you think would add value to your life. And uh remember, caring is sharing, and sharing is caring. Make sure that you share this episode right now with somebody else that you think it could be a blessing to. And just remember that when you get better, the marriage will get better. We'll see you next time. Peace.

Contributor

Ken Claytor

Host
Head Shot

Tabatha Claytor

Host