Doing Life with Ken and Tabatha

7 Money Habits to End Marriage Stress

• Ken Claytor and Tabatha Claytor

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Money pressure has a way of sneaking into a marriage and turning simple conversations into fights. We open up about our early years—over $100k in debt, sleepless nights, and two very different backgrounds—and share the seven habits that helped us replace anxiety with unity. This is a practical, faith-filled roadmap: one shared plan, a zero-based budget, the 10-10-80 priority rule, and margin that lets you breathe. We talk through sinking funds for “predictable surprises,” why we moved from “his and her” money to “our” money, and how a simple solo spend limit protects trust without micromanaging.

You’ll hear how ditching personal credit cards and learning from wise friends changed our trajectory, plus how the debt snowball gave us momentum and milestone wins. Most importantly, we anchor every step in stewardship and Scripture—seeing money as God’s, not ours, and expecting favor, wisdom, and creative ideas rather than quick windfalls. We walk through passages like Deuteronomy 8:18, Malachi 3, and Proverbs 3 to ground financial choices in covenant, not fear. Good success means more than income; it’s peace in your home, clarity in your plan, and alignment with purpose.

If money fights are draining your relationship, this conversation offers simple tools and a hopeful path forward. Listen to learn how to budget together, build margin, set boundaries, and turn debt into a shared mission. Then share the episode with a friend who needs encouragement, subscribe for more faith-forward marriage and money insights, and leave a review with the first habit you’ll start today.

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i...

Faith And Money Mindset

Ken Claytor

There comes a place in your financial life where you have to believe that God's for you, that he wants to prosper you, that he wants to bless you financially, that that's not ungodly, that's not worldly. Matter of fact, when you look at the scripture, Abraham was rich, um, Isaac, um, Jacob, these people were very successful. David, Solomon, God did it with Hezekiah. God blessed them. God wants to bless us. He doesn't want those things, uh, us to be able to serve money and trust money and covet after money and and and love money, but he doesn't mind us having it. So you need to get some scriptures. So before we were pastors, we believed that God's given us the power. That word power simply means an empowerment. It's not like he's giving you money, he's giving you the power to produce it. Okay, and so you can stand in faith and knowing that God's for you. Hey, what's up, everybody?

SPEAKER_03

Hey everyone.

Welcome And Episode Goal

Ken Claytor

Welcome to another edition of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha. We're so pumped to have you guys with us today. We feel like we got a good one for you today. Honored that you are here doing life with us. You know, our goal of this podcast is to help you grow closer to God and closer to the people that God has placed in your life. And so our prayers that you'll get good value today. And if you do, make sure that you share this with other people because we believe that sharing is caring and caring is sharing. Sweetheart, are you ready for today?

SPEAKER_03

Ready.

Ken Claytor

We want to talk about seven money habits to end marriage stress. Seven money habits to end marriage stress.

Tabatha Claytor

We don't want stress.

Ken Claytor

Yeah, there's too many married people that are stressed. Um, do you know what the top reasons for divorce are?

Tabatha Claytor

Let me guess.

Ken Claytor

Go ahead.

Tabatha Claytor

Okay. I'm gonna go into the order that I that well now, I don't know. Okay. I think the number one is probably money.

Ken Claytor

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

Number two would be um irreconcilable differences.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

Number three, infidelity, and maybe number four, like children.

Ken Claytor

Interesting. Interesting. Okay. Now, this is officially Chat GPT.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

Ken Claytor

Number one is lack of commitment. The number one reason. In US surveys, around 75% of divorced individuals say a spouse's low commitment was the major factor.

Tabatha Claytor

So they feel like they weren't committed to the relationship.

Ken Claytor

Just not committed. Number two is infidelity.

Tabatha Claytor

Okay.

Ken Claytor

A frequent final straw. Roughly 60% cite an affair as a reason. Many describe it as the event that finally ended things.

Tabatha Claytor

Wow.

Ken Claytor

Okay. Number three is too much conflict or poor communication. That would be unreconcilable dish.

Tabatha Claytor

I should have said communication.

Ken Claytor

Uh persistent arguing, unresolved conflicts are repeatedly named among the top um contributors, often in the 58% range. Number four is financial stress and money fights.

Tabatha Claytor

Uh-huh.

Our Debt Story And Strain

Ken Claytor

Uh money strain, unincompatible money habits are a leading source. Often reported 36 to 37% people cite those as a reason for divorce. And then number five was substance abuse and slash domestic violence. Oh wow. Um, and so, but out of the top five, financial stress is is is more. And who knows? You know, that might not be completely accurate. I know for us, that was a big thing with us. And so we've been married for 26 years, everybody. Um, the first two years, uh, our marriage was headed for divorce. Okay. I had a plan to divorce her. Um I uh I told my dad about the plan. I was making I thought I got married too young, I thought I made a mistake getting married, I thought I married the wrong person. And all of those things was a lie. And thankfully, God began to reveal a lie and replace a lie with truth. But there's nothing new under the sun. People are still being told the same thing. You got married too young, you made a mistake, this wasn't the right person. That that's not necessarily true. But I think for us, the one of the major things that was the problem in our marriage when it was headed for divorce was financial. For me, it was. So we had over$100,000 of debt, and I'm not talking about like appreciating loans, like home loans. I'm talking about student loans, credit card loans, um, old people, and uh there was a big portion of it was you. I would say probably 60, 40, maybe more like 65, 35. Yeah. Because you even had more student loans than I did.

Tabatha Claytor

I did.

Ken Claytor

And then you had stuff on your credit, was like you owed a department store. Like who owes like five dollars to Gabes? I don't know if y'all know what Gabe's is. Gabe's is like this store that sells stuff that's malfunctioned. It's one of those stores where you can go and buy shoes for$5 and you might not have a tongue in the shoe. And it's one of those stores you can go and get a shirt for$2 and probably the collar on the shirt isn't right, or it doesn't have a sleeve that matches the other sleeve. She owed on her credit report Gabe something. And so that's why I always tell people before you get married, you need to check their credit and make sure you know what you're hooking up with.

Tabatha Claytor

You didn't have to go into all the details.

Ken Claytor

I just I had to let people know the pain. It was painful. I was in pain.

Tabatha Claytor

It's so true, though. Oh my goodness.

Ken Claytor

No, no, this is true. I remember in the first couple years of our marriage, waking up in the middle of the night, um, feeling just financial pressure and almost just crying because I couldn't see a way out of the financial pressure.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

And that's the kind of financial mess that destroys many marriages today. What was your perspective on that season of our marriage?

Tabatha Claytor

You know, I I did I just didn't relate to that. Um, you actually, you know, whether you know it or not, kind of shielded me from that. You took all of the financial weight yourself.

Ken Claytor

I didn't it was heavy, girl. Yeah, it it was heavy.

Poverty Background And Credit Repair

Tabatha Claytor

You know, like you you kind of you did that. And so um it in that time though, my problem was I come from poverty. So I was born and raised in the projects. We didn't pay bills. In fact, we were rewarded for not paying our bills. So if you don't pay your bill past a certain time, once the winter time came, the the state would pay the bill or different nonprofit organizations would pay the bill for you because so that you didn't have, I don't know if it was against the law or whatever, they didn't want you being in the house and freezing, you know, in Pennsylvania when it was cold. Um, so they would pay our gas bill, our electric bill, things like that. So I didn't, I wasn't taught to pay bills, right? And I did that just wasn't my world. Not that I didn't want to, it just wasn't a thing that I was conscious of. Um, and so when we got married, so I had bad credit. Um, and it's just because I probably didn't pay my bills. I didn't balance my checkbook. That's why I owed Gabe because I wrote them a check and then the check bounced because probably off of I wrote a$20 check and had$18 in the in the bank and it bounced. You know what I mean? And so I did dumb stuff like that. So when we were married, you helped me clean up my credit. I mean, we had to go and pay people and do all of these things. And so you helped me do that with as far as my credit report goes. But then you took that burden on yourself. Um, I felt like, you know, I had a job. You know what I mean? I had a a a great job, you know. I was making more money than anyone in my family had ever made. And um, I had medical insurance, I mean, all of this stuff. So I felt pretty good. Even debt just wasn't intimidating to me like that.

Ken Claytor

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

Um, because it was better than where I came from. So I just had a different perspective.

Ken Claytor

That's interesting. So what we want to do today is kind of just share that that's where we were.

Tabatha Claytor

Uh-huh.

Ken Claytor

And we had to build ourselves out of that hole. Yeah. And to build like a financial foundation, and then to get to where we are now 20 year, 20 plus years later, is a much better place. But we kind of want to take people on a journey and just share like some principles that we've used to kind of diffuse the money, the money fight.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

You know, the money fight. Um, off top of your head, what are some things that you that we've done that you feel like this was a major help for us to remove the money stress in our marriage?

Tabatha Claytor

Um, I think we got on the same page with money.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

And so, like I just described, you had all the weight on you. I didn't know anything about it. And so when we started, we would have family meetings and we talked about our finances during those meetings. And I think that was a major help for me because it allowed me now, you actually taught me, you know, this is okay, this is what this means. Um, okay, we got this bill due. And then you didn't have to carry the pressure on your own. I could see, like, oh wow, these are our bills. Okay, this is what we're saving toward. This is what I'm going to pray for.

Ken Claytor

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

And so I think that was a big deal.

Ken Claytor

Well, let's stop there for a moment. I do feel like there are some men who feel like they have to uh bear the brunt themselves or like take the responsibility themselves and like play hero ball.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

And I I I see men all the time, it's like, well, I'm not gonna let my wife know this, or I'm gonna keep this from my wife, almost like she can't handle it. But I found that to be the opposite with you. I feel like when I let you in on what's going on, then I have your agreement and there's power in our agreement. I have your prayers, I have your support, and I also have your wisdom because you have the ability to see things that I don't see. So I guess the first thing I would say is make it a team sport. Yeah. Don't be like, well, this person makes all the money, so now they get to call all the shots. No, the two have become one. So I don't know. I would love to hear what else you think we we we did. One thing that sticks out to me is that we don't have my money, your money, we have our money. And regardless if you are where we were, which obviously if you wrote a$20 check and you only had 18 in the bank, we were in a pretty poor place. But I want this this podcast not just to be for people who are there, even if you have a whole lot of money, right? Let's say you have multiple millions of dollars of assets. I think the same principle applies that like it's not my money, your money, it's our money. You know? Um, I just had a thought. What do you think about like um prenuptial agreements?

Tabatha Claytor

Um, I don't agree.

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

You know, just for for me.

Ken Claytor

Why is that?

Tabatha Claytor

Um, I think that uh when we get married, we're married for life.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Make Money A Team Sport

Tabatha Claytor

Um, I think that marriage is a covenant relationship. I I take it very seriously. And so when the two become one, we become one with everything finances, house, clothes. I mean, this what what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. And so I just see it like that. Um, I think a prenup is is almost like a plan B. It's if this doesn't work out, and for me, marriage is all or nothing.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. Yeah, I think that that's why people get into prenupts. It's almost like you're getting into it already thinking about it not working out.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

Ken Claytor

And that's not a great way to go into it. Now, if you're not saved and you don't have Jesus in your heart, prenup all day. Prenup all day. But if you're getting married because you're doing your relationship under God, I gotta trust God with my today and also my tomorrow. I don't know. I just heard somebody who was pretty popular, sports guy, and his advice to other sports guys was make sure you get a prenup. Like it ain't about love, it's about a prenup. It's almost like, but his worldview is so warped because all he can think of is all of the people who've come, whether it be NFL or NBA players, they got a divorce and how much money they lost.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

But that's doing it the world's way. And that ain't who we're talking to right now. We're talking about doing it God's way. You do it God's way. This whole marriage thing is supposed to be till death before.

Tabatha Claytor

And and I think sometimes we can, um, so if you make it, it doesn't matter how much money you make. If you're making$100,000 a year and you get married and you get a prenup, that's still half of your income that you could possibly lose. You know what I mean? Now, if you're making$10 million a year and you get a pre prenup, you could lose half of that. The my the money doesn't, you know, money is money, you know. So you can still lose a lot. It still matters. And so I think sometimes people who have a lot of money, a lot of wealth feel like, oh, well, this is just standard practices. This is what people do when they're like me, because we'll lose half of our fortune. If whoever you are, you would lose half of your fortune, you know. So I don't think that's it's just something to think about. Like we can do things God's way, regardless of how much money we have.

Ken Claytor

We can't tell you what to do. Y'all grown people, but listen, here's just the perspective. If you are already planning on the exit when you're going into the enter, something might be wrong. Yeah. You know, so if I'm gonna give you my last name and we're gonna go half on a baby, I'm saying it jokingly, but we're gonna build this family together. And I don't trust you enough not to leave me later on, right? We shouldn't be getting into this kind of relationship. Right. The marriage relationship is so holy and it's so godly that it's basically all and nothing.

Tabatha Claytor

Right.

One Money, Not Mine And Yours

Ken Claytor

And that's just something to really consider. But when you go back to what we were talking about, our what else comes to your mind as it relates to like um what was our problems when we were, you know, uh finances was tearing our marriage apart. Was there anything else that we learned to do? So we got what what what else?

Tabatha Claytor

Uh we we started giving.

Ken Claytor

That was huge.

Tabatha Claytor

We became tithers. Yeah. And we we we started actually giving like beyond the tithe. The tithe is 10%. So we started giving 10% of our income. Um, even when it hurt, we still did it because we we saw that there was a covenant connection there. We saw that there was a promise in it. And we we thought like I mean, I remember being so happy to do that. To be able to give it like so happy to be able to give something um to make a difference. And um, so that made a huge difference.

Ken Claytor

Well, it sanctified our money. That word sanctify means it's now set apart for the work of the Lord. And there's just something about when you sanctify and you set it apart for the work of the Lord, the 10%, the 90% is now blessed. And I would tell anybody the best thing that you could ever do as a believer financially is whenever you get anything, take the first 10% plus an offering and give it back to God.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

Ken Claytor

Give it back through your local church to God and watch what He does with the rest of the 90%. And so that was a huge one. Anything else comes to mind?

Tabatha Claytor

Um, I think we started to become educated on what to do with our money. Um, like as far as savings, you know, giving, um, how to be smart uh with our money. Um, and we also started hanging around other people who were maybe good with their money.

Ken Claytor

Good with money. Yeah. Yeah, like listen to people who's good with money.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, we just became friends with people who were successful, yeah, who, you know, had homes and businesses and gave to the church and had lives the way, you know, lived a life that we were, you know, that we admired. And that made a difference too, because it's like the people that you rub elbows with, you know what I mean? It kind of rubbed off on us.

Ken Claytor

Come on. Yeah, so yeah, so good, so good. Um, there was something I was gonna say right there. Um so we rubbed elbows with people. What were you saying? I'm sorry.

Tabatha Claytor

We were taught and and and I said before that that we just got smart with money. Yeah, we found out what we didn't know.

Ken Claytor

So, how many books and podcasts and sermon and things do you think we've heard about money?

Tabatha Claytor

A lot.

Ken Claytor

Like, like a lot, a lot. A lot, like out.

Tabatha Claytor

Over like the last 25, 26 years of marriage, you know? A lot.

Prenups And Covenant Perspective

Ken Claytor

Because it's important to draw like a clear line. So we got this whole thing where we were broke, busted, disgusted, had nothing, had more month than money. Because we didn't know anything. Our rent was$350 a month when we first got married, and I struggled to pay it. Okay. Then I've come into the place where, you know, I've given six figures plus away you know, assets, cars, homes, different things like that. Um, I'm not a multi-billionaire, multi-millionaire, or nothing like that, but there is a big gap between where we were and where we are. What that right there is walking with the Lord, um, becoming financially literate, books, podcasts, relationships. So I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes you just gotta get smart with money.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

You just gotta get really, really good with it. Not just from a natural standpoint, but from a kingdom standpoint. Even today to this day, I still listen to a podcast a day for the most part. At least five days a week, I listen to a personal growth podcast, which is a mix between leadership, finances, personal growth, because I just gotta stay right on top. And I I don't know. I feel like like I'm I'm a priest, so I'm about the work of the Lord. If I was a king and I was still in business, oh, there would be some things we'd be doing. It would be like crazy. And but but I love my call. I love my call. I don't feel like I have to make a bunch of money and have a bunch of assets. I'm I'm really good. You know, God's really, He's taking care of us, you know. But for those people who are kingdom builders, you're in the marketplace, you're you're trying to make money, you're trying to come out of a hole, you're trying to build business, expand business. Team up with anointed priests and watch the anointing come upon you, and then also learn things naturally so you have faith and you have works. Yeah. You put those two things together. I'm talking about God is ready to bless some people financially.

Tabatha Claytor

Absolutely.

Ken Claytor

This is our miracle season. I think financial miracles is a real thing. Absolutely. We've seen them happen in our lives, I see them happen in the Bible, but I believe they're gonna happen for some people who's listening.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. And so you know, there's another thing we did is we just stopped using debt. We stopped using credit cards.

Ken Claytor

How long has it been to pay our ills?

Tabatha Claytor

It's been a long time. What, 20 years?

Ken Claytor

Long, long time.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, it's been a long time.

Ken Claytor

Like 20 years, we haven't had a credit card, a personal credit card.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

Have a business charge card that we pay off every month for the points and stuff. But as it relates to a credit card, no man, we got rid of that stuff a long time ago.

Tabatha Claytor

And I think that's good also for, you know, you mentioned$350 uh a month for our first house. Well, we were college students when we first got married. So it was our last year of college. And um I think for those people who are out there and they're still in college, um, you know, make smart decisions. Like you don't have to go in debt to go to college and to get an education. Um, you don't have to go to another state and to the most expensive school. Right. You know, most people don't. You know, you might have that career, doctor, lawyer, or you know, something that you're doing, but I would not like you don't have to go into debt um to, you know, um go to school and a lot of debt to get your education. That's one thing that we did that like I wish I wish I knew better.

Ken Claytor

I'm on the fence right now altogether with how I feel about college and universities. Um I feel like there's some great benefits to it. I think we both have a college degree, um, but I also think that it's a business.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

And um I think that there's some business aspects where what you're going into and what you're paying for, you're not coming out with enough. I I know people who are foregoing college, going into business, going into the arts, and are doing much better. And so I'm not here to say it's bad or it's good. I'm here to say that there are so many different options. But for me, going into tons of debt probably ain't one of them. Right. Like I get it if you're a doctor and you gotta go to medical school and residencies, there's one track for you. Yeah, I'm saying you you gotta go through school now. How can you get it paid for? Is a whole nother battle. But my goodness, for the most part, uh some degrees I'm just questioning, like, was it really worth it?

SPEAKER_02

Right.

Ken Claytor

That's another podcast for another day.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

Learning And Community For Finances

Ken Claytor

But I want to get into these seven money habits to end marriage stress, if you don't mind. Number one, and I I want you to kind of share what you think about these. Number one, listen, guys, is one shared plan, zero based budget.

SPEAKER_02

Okay.

Ken Claytor

Um, this is what it is. Every dollar gets a job before the month starts. Okay. And so you have your income, then you have give first, save second, live off the rest. And so um you always have every dollar assigned. So it's a zero based budget. At the end of the month, even if you got fifty dollars left over, that$50 has has an assignment towards saving or towards debt reduction. And so to me, the number one thing to start with is to have a budget and to know where your money is going and to give your money assignment.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, I we did that as well. And that worked so well for us because I think a budget, not it's good to know where your money is going. It's good to know what's coming in. It takes the pressure off. And this is what it is. What you just said, it it causes you to not have stress.

Ken Claytor

It also causes you not to waste money because sometimes you can waste so much on Starbucks and you had no clue that you did it. It's so important to have this is where the money went.

Tabatha Claytor

Yep, Starbucks, fast food.

Ken Claytor

There's all kinds of tools though that you have now where you can really just tell where your money's going, even from an electronic standpoint. I know through Bank of America they have this thing where you can actually assign your money and it will show you in a graph every time you go into the app.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

So that's kind of cool. I mean, if over the years we've used what? QuickBooks, we've used QuickBooks Mint or something. We've used everything. Umber two would be the 1010 80 rule. Okay. And this has to do with priorities. And I'll say it this way: give first, save second, live off the rest. So give your first 10%, save your second 10%, live off the rest. Okay. Now if you want to get really, really aggressive, I would do the 10 10 10 70 rule, which is give 10%, save 10%, give or invest 10%. And then live off the 70%. But I think this has to do with just making sure you you you prioritize your money. Um set the set the order of where things go. Um for me when it comes to even giving, we do an we we do an auto draft. We get a paycheck, and then our giving is automatically taken off the top. Um, I think all of those things safeguard to make sure that first things first.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. Yeah. And and again, it takes the stress off. It's it's easy peasy.

Ditching Debt And Smart School Choices

Ken Claytor

Number three is create as much margin as you can. Okay. Um margin equals breathing room equals less fighting. Um margin is the space that you have between what you bring in and what you spend. So when we first got married, we spent more than we brought in. We call that stress. So what you want to do is keep your expenses low as you raise your income. What most people do is as they raise their income, they raise their expenses. They feel like, well, I gotta have a new iPhone, I gotta go on vacation. You know how hard things have been, I gotta get a new car because my car is busted, we got to get a bigger house, and you don't have to do those things. The greatest piece you'll find is in margin. Margin with your time, but also margin with your money. And so every month you want to have what we call positive cash flow.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. Um I love that living beneath your means. Um, we don't have to get a new car, you know, you can ride that old one out. And we've done that before.

Ken Claytor

Um I'm doing it right now. Right now I have a 2017 Mercedes C300, and it is about 60,000 miles on it, or 70,000 by now. And I bought the car in the pandemic 2020 and paid it off the same year. And so for the last five years, um, I don't have a payment on it. Don't feel like I want to get another one, just riding it out.

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_03

Why?

Ken Claytor

Because it got it has four wheels and it goes. And I got other priorities right now.

Tabatha Claytor

Right.

Ken Claytor

You know, and people say, oh, it's a Mercedes, it's fancy. It's not fancy at all.

Tabatha Claytor

It's not.

Ken Claytor

As a matter of fact, I bought it when I bought it, it had 30,000 miles on it. And it was only cost 32,000 when I bought it. But um, I just think that our priority has never been jewelry, um, um name brand stuff, cars. It has been appreciating assets. We invest in homes.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

Ken Claytor

We invest in um assets. Uh we we like vacations. If we're going to do it, we want to take a quality one. And that's and that's the each zone. Yeah. But those are the things that we like, but you only can do that when you have margin. Right. Number three would be create as much. Um, did I say that? Create as much margin as we can. Yeah. I said that one?

SPEAKER_02

Yep.

Ken Claytor

Okay. Uh number four then is sinking funds for predictable surprises. And so this is uh where you pre-save for irregulars so that they don't become arguments.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

Um, you can have mini accounts for stuff like car, medical, travel, kids. Yep. Um, and just take a little bit of money, put it to the side. Um, Dave Ramsey will call it the emergency fund where you would just take a$1,000 and put it to the side just for emergencies. And uh maybe it should be more than that, depending upon how much income you make. But that's where if stuff goes wrong, you're not strapped living off credit card.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. And again, it makes you feel safe. It takes the stress off. You know, uh, we live in Florida and it hurricane season happens every year. And so what we do is we get a we get ready, we get prepared. So if the lights go out, we have candles. Right. If the electric goes out, we have food, you know, like we have water, we have all kinds of tools hidden somewhere that no one can get so that if an emergency happens, I can get to it. It's the same thing when it comes to uh an emergency uh fund um with your bank. If you need it, you're prepared. You don't feel unsafe. You feel like, no, I'm good.

Seven Money Habits Overview

Ken Claytor

Yeah, so good, so good. Number five would be this know his money, her money mentality. It's our money. Yeah. We talked about that one a little bit up front. Um, but this is oneness over silos and having shared visibility for all accounts. Um, of course, we have individual accounts, but it kind of comes into a main account, then we can separate it because you'll take care of groceries and your favorite Amazon.

Tabatha Claytor

Well, I have the kids connected to my account and you got like Uber Teens and all kinds of different things.

Zero-Based Budget Explained

Ken Claytor

So we do have separate accounts, but it's still our money. So it might come in and we distribute it a certain way, but we don't have like a my money, your money. Like I gotta ask you for permission or you gotta ask me for permission. But you know, one thing that um well, I think that's actually number six, so I'll save it for a moment. Um But yeah, I I think that's the great mentality to have.

Tabatha Claytor

Well, you you said like asking for permission. It's true we don't have to ask for permission because we know what's going on. But one thing that we did and uh what that we have done is we said, hey, if we're gonna spend over X amount of money, talk to me first.

Ken Claytor

Well, that was actually point number six.

Tabatha Claytor

Okay, okay.

Ken Claytor

And that's why I stopped it. It set a solo spend limit. Right. Okay. So um protect trust without micromanaging. So what that means is like, okay, you can spend up to$500 without checking.

SPEAKER_03

Right.

The 10-10-80 Priority Rule

Ken Claytor

Or you can spend up to$1,000 without checking. Right. And we're not going to tell you what the amount should be, but you all as a couple should say, how much money can I spend without checking? Now, over that amount, we got to get an agreement. And if we're not in agreement, we agree up front that we won't do it unless we're in agreement.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

Ken Claytor

Little stuff like that takes the fighting away.

SPEAKER_02

It does.

Ken Claytor

And maybe even maybe even it's a hundred dollars. Uh huh. It depends on where you are in your finances. You know, there's been some things I've seen you do lately that I'm like, man, I wish you would have asked me about that.

unknown

Really?

Ken Claytor

It's not with spending money, it's more about stuff you've been doing around the house.

Tabatha Claytor

You I know it's the door. I know you don't like my door.

Ken Claytor

I just don't like it that you didn't do it professionally. There's some, there's some there's some things about it that's like when I go to sell the house, I might have to change it again because it's not it's the paint.

Tabatha Claytor

And I'm gonna repaint it. I ran out of paint.

Ken Claytor

Yeah, it yeah, it's that. It's the little metal around the stove over there. It's little stuff.

Tabatha Claytor

I didn't do that.

Ken Claytor

Okay, I'm just saying it has to be repaired. So maybe that should be. We need to set, we can just have this family meeting right now. So before you go fix stuff, why don't you at least have a conversation with me?

Tabatha Claytor

But the door would have been like$800 at least.

Create Margin And Breathe

Ken Claytor

Um did you miss what I just said? I did. Can you just come and have a conversation with me? So, for those of you all who have no clue what we're talking about, we have a pantry and it was just a solid door. And I went away to Los Angeles or somewhere for two days, but she went out and bought her jigsaw. And I saw the jigsaw.

Tabatha Claytor

I got so happy with my jigsaw.

Ken Claytor

She cut a big hole in the middle of the door and put plexiglass because she wanted to be able to see in her pantry and then had the whole door painted black. And when I came back, I mean she did a pretty good job to not do that kind of stuff all the time. But the wood is like, it's like, it's not completely even. It's it's not professionally done, meaning that when I go to sell the house, I might have to have it professionally done. And so I'm I'm just saying, but you like projects like that. And I'm just like, well, some of it just run it past me. Because some of it, I'm like, no, just go hire a contractor. Let's do it right. And you're like, I got a soul, let's go.

unknown

What?

Tabatha Claytor

What in the world? I did say after that door, though, I was like, I'm not doing this anymore. Because I recognize that I I went overboard.

Ken Claytor

But do you guys like cutting a hole in the door? We all want to know really what the problem is here. The problem is that she'll spend two days on a door that I could have had somebody do that does doors, and I still need her help on. She's taking over the budget. Exactly what we're talking about right now. We're putting stuff in our family into a budget. It didn't work. She's decided to take over the finances, and that decision was made three months ago. But instead of doing that, she's cutting a door. So just in my mind, it doesn't acute. I'm like, okay.

Tabatha Claytor

The door is my hobby, though. It's like sitting, like I'm not watching TV, I'm doing a door. It's just my downtime.

Ken Claytor

The the the finances.

Tabatha Claytor

That's not my hobby.

Sinking Funds For Surprises

Ken Claytor

Do the finances, please, or I'm gonna have to do it myself. Oh Lord. So anyway, number seven would be debt and goals as a team sport. And this is my last one. And a line on a target and a timeline. So pick some primary goals and then celebrate milestones throughout. So when we had a lot of debt, we did the debt snowball, and we went after the lower credit cards first, and then the higher credit cards first, and then the student loans until we paid everything off. But it was a team sport, like sweetheart. This is what we're going to do.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

Now, now we've kind of come to the split space where no, we don't have to look at the budget as intensely and think about everything as intensely because we have more than enough. But when you're trying to get somewhere, there needs to be some real agreement and some priority.

Our Money Mentality

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. And I would say um the fun bless you. Bless you. The fun part is um finding out what to do about it, setting goals, making the plan. Um, and I think this is where I would add in scripture. I would put my faith, get my faith involved with this, um, put scripture in there. Um, and then also, you know, like that, yeah, this is teamwork. Um, if you have kids, get the kids involved. Hey, these are our goals. Because it's just, it just makes it exciting. Yeah. This is something we are going to cut back or we're going to limit ourselves. We're going to make a sacrifice, a short-term sacrifice. But when it's over, when it's done, this is what we're going to do afterwards. You might have, you know, small goals and things like that, ways to celebrate. But um I think it's worth it. That's the fun part.

Ken Claytor

So we have a couple sayings on our house. No today, but what?

Tabatha Claytor

Doesn't mean no tomorrow.

Ken Claytor

No, no today, not forever.

Tabatha Claytor

No today, not forever. That is what we say, but I was just thinking something else.

Ken Claytor

The wheels are falling off of this box. Stick with me, sweetheart. So no today, not forever. That means that if we have to say no to something today, it doesn't mean that it'll be forever. So it's short-term pains for long-term gains.

Tabatha Claytor

Yes.

Ken Claytor

Here's some scriptures since you're talking about scriptures.

Tabatha Claytor

Come on.

Solo Spend Limits

Ken Claytor

Deuteronomy 8 18 says, But thou shalt remember the Lord thy God, for it's he who's given you power to get wealth, to help establish his covenant that he swore to our fathers as it is this day. So there comes a place in your financial life where you have to believe that God's for you, that he wants to prosper you, that he wants to bless you financially, that that's not ungodly, that's not worldly. Matter of fact, when you look at the scripture, Abraham was rich, um, Isaac, um, Jacob, these people were very successful. David, Solomon, God did it with Hezekiah. God blessed them. God wants to bless us. He doesn't want those things, uh, us to be able to serve money and trust money and covet after money and and love money, but he doesn't mind us having it. So you need to get some scriptures. So before we were pastors, we believed that God's given us the power. That word power simply means an empowerment. It's not like he's giving you money, he's giving you the power to produce it. Okay. And so you can stand in faith knowing that God's for you in that instance. Um, Malachi chapter three is another one. It talks about bringing the tithe into the storehouse that there may be meat in mine house and prove me with it, says God. If I won't open up the windows of heaven and pour out so much blessing. Once again, he's not pouring you out 401ks, asset, homes, and cars. He's pouring you out the blessing. He's giving you witty ideas, inventions, he's giving you favor, he's giving you favor with people, favor with deals. He's causing sales to come your way that you didn't even market to. How did you hear about me? I don't know how I heard about you. I just ran across your number. That's that's the power. He said he's giving you the windows of heaven blessing, and there won't even be room enough to receive it. And he says, I'll rebuke the devourer for your sake. So we stand on those.

Tabatha Claytor

Absolutely.

Ken Claytor

He rebukes the devourer. So I expect my washing machine not to go out early. He's rebuking the devourer for my sake. I'm expecting sickness to be healed. He's rebuking the devourer for my sake. I'm expecting my name to be made great and people to speak well of me in the marketplace. He's rebuking the devourer, the things that would try to attack me.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

Proverbs chapter 3, verse 9, it says, Honor the Lord with your substance, with the first fruit of your increase, and your barns will be filled with plenty, and your presses will burst forth with new wine. Once again, that is a promise from God that when you honor God with your substance, the first fruit, he gives you something, you give God the first and the best. Your barns, the your storage places, 401ks, savings accounts, investments will be filled with plenty. God wants to get involved. And so I just feel like there's a lot of people that keep, when it comes to investments and things, they keep God on the outside. But I want God to be involved. He's Jehovah Jireh, He's the one that provides for us. Proverbs 11 and 24, it says there's he that scattereth and yet increases increases, and um there is one who withhold more than what is meat, but it tends to poverty. And it says that the liberal soul will be made fat, and he that watereth shall be watered him himself. I mean, we can go throughout a bunch of scriptures, y'all.

Tabatha Claytor

It's this is God wants to be involved in every area of our lives. I mean, I and our heavenly father, he's so much greater than us, but also, you know, we we we're he's like us as far as we have children. We want to take care of our children. We don't want our children hungry, right? We don't want our children living paycheck to paycheck, we don't want our children struggling and stressed out over finances, but everything that I have, I make it available for my children. You know, I leave an inheritance for my children. And so that's how God is with us, but so much more. Yeah, the earth is his and the fullness therein, right? And so he owns the cattle on a thousand heels. Like he knows um uh he has wealth and he has given it to us, his sons and daughters.

Debt Snowball And Shared Goals

Ken Claytor

A steward, to build what's in his heart. Steward, not to worship and covet after, but to build what's in his heart. I think one of the best things that we did financially is that I changed my perspective about money. And I did, I don't look at it as my money, I look at it as his.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

So I don't look at this house as my house or these clothes as my clothes. I'm a steward, not an owner. And if you can ever come to the place where you are a steward, not an owner, I don't give God 10%, I give God 100%.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

And because he loves me, he gives me 90% back to steward on his behalf. So I bring him 10% and an offering, but then I steward the rest of it. Yeah. But I do it as a steward, not an owner. And so these are these are the scriptures that even before we were pastors, when we were marketplace business owners, these are the scriptures that we ate off of. Psalms 1, 1 through 3, it says, Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor sits in the way of sinners, or sits in the seats of the scornful, but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in his law he meditates day and night. He'll be like a tree planted by rivers of water, who brings forth its fruit in its season, his leaf won't wither, and whatever he does shall prosper. And you gotta start believing that whatever I do shall prosper. That simply means it'll succeed, it'll go well. You know, Psalms 112 and and and and verse number three it says, His seed shall be mighty on the earth, the generation of the upright shall be blessed. Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever. It is not ungodly to say, wealth and riches is in my house because I walk with God. Matthew 633 says, But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these other things shall be added unto you. Philippians 4 19 says, But my God shall supply all of my needs according to his riches and glory by Christ Jesus. So whatever the riches and glory is, God's going to supply my needs according to that.

SPEAKER_02

Right.

Scripture-Fueled Financial Confidence

Ken Claytor

Joshua 1 8 says, This book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night and accord and do according to is written therein, and then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you'll have good success. And so, God doesn't want us just to have success. I believe he wants us to have good success. Good success is not when you got money but your marriage is failing. Good success is not when you got money, but your kids don't like you. Good success is when everything in your life and your relationship with God is number one. And so I just want to pray over people today that's struggling financially, especially married couples out there. We just want to pray a blessing over you guys financially and for financial miracles to start showing up all around you. We want to pray that God gives you supernatural favor, witty ideas, and that the wealth of the wicked is laid up for the just. And I also pray that you will make the quality decision today to sanctify your money. That simply means to set it apart that 100% of what you have belongs to God, that you are a steward and not an owner. So, Father, in Jesus' name, I just pray for my friend. Yes, Lord. I just come against that spirit and mindset of poverty, that victim mentality, and whatever the pain they're experiencing right now in their finances as a couple, and I just call their marriage blessed. Just like you moved us out of that financial strain and pressure that seemed like it was going to tear our young marriage apart, I pray for the same grace and even more over them. Peace. The past is all understanding, joy that's unspeakable, clarity, wisdom concerning how to live with margin, discipline in their heart to be able to not keep up with the Joneses, but to be able to live beneath their their their means. I pray that their investments multiply. I pray that their homes appreciate. That their businesses are well, and I pray that the season of lack and shortage is over with, and you bring them just like you did the children of Israel into a land flowing with milk and honey, a land where there's always more than enough. And I thank you that out of that good land, they'll be able to bless your people, build what's in your heart, care for the poor, build the house of God. And so we just release financial blessings over you, financial miracles in Jesus' name. Amen. Hey guys, we want to hear about that. We want to hear about what happens after today's prayer, how you run with these scriptures yourself. Please email us. We want to hear your story. We want to hear your testimony and how God is using this podcast to bring value to your life. We're out of time for today, but we'll be back with you next Thursday. Make sure that you share this episode with somebody else that needs it. Just remember that when you get better, the marriage will get better. If you're ever in Orlando, Florida, come visit, worship with us. If you don't have a place to worship, you can join us live online wherever you are in the world, 9.45 Eastern Standard Time. We would love to get you connected to online community. We got some books, some boot camps, some other products that we think will bring value to your life. Check it out at KenanTabitha.com and see if you have, see if you see something there that you would be interested in. Just know that you're not alone. When you get better, the marriage will get better. We'll see you next Thursday.

SPEAKER_02

Peace.

Contributor

Ken Claytor

Host
Head Shot

Tabatha Claytor

Host