Why Am I Still Single? | What If Waiting Is God's Protection

“Why am I still single?” can feel like a question with teeth, especially when everyone else’s highlight reel is scrolling past your face. We get honest about the pressure, the loneliness, and the quiet fear that something must be wrong with you, then we confront the biggest lie head-on: you are not unworthy, undesirable, or behind. We believe your relationship status does not determine your value, and we want you grounded in that truth before you ever say yes to dating, engagement, or marriage.

We also talk about what’s making modern singleness harder: social media comparison, unrealistic expectations, and turning marriage into an idol. A spouse is a gift, not a savior, and expecting marriage to fix emptiness is a fast track to disappointment. Instead, we unpack how faith works while you wait, why God’s timing matters, and how waiting can actually be preparation and protection. Sometimes what feels like rejection is God shielding you from the wrong person and shaping you for the right one.

Then we get extremely practical with dating advice for Christians: stop letting loneliness choose your relationships, clarify boundaries, stop entertaining red flags, and stop dating potential. If you keep choosing the wrong person, we challenge you to bring wise voices into your process and let trusted counsel help you see what you’ve been missing. We also talk about “becoming who you want to marry” spiritually, emotionally, financially, and mentally, building a full life now, and keeping purity strong because your future deserves a healthy you.

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Transcript

Lies About Being Unworthy

Ken Claytor 0:00

What do you think is like the number one lie many single people are being told?

Tabatha Claytor 0:05

They're not worthy. That's the lie of the enemy. The enemy will tell you that you're undesirable. No man wants you. You're not good enough. Those are all lies of the enemy. You have to fill yourself up with the word of God that no, you are likable. You are desirable. That there is someone who will love you.

Ken Claytor 0:21

You get on social media and you feel some kind of way because of all of your friends getting married before you do, or you feel less about yourself, get off social media. You don't need social media. You don't need to put yourself into positions where you're being tempted to be pulled out of contentment.

Tabatha Claytor 0:34

You can look at the highlights, you know, of someone's life and marriage, and you might think that someone has a good marriage and they don't.

Ken Claytor 0:47

Hey, what's up, everybody?

Tabatha Claytor 0:48

Hey everyone.

Ken Claytor 0:49

Thank you for tuning into Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha. We're pumped to have you here. And today is a very special episode because we're going to be really ministering to those of you all who are single. All right. Now, you guys know that this is a marriage for um uh podcast, first and foremost, but it's also a personal growth podcast. You know, we have a saying that when you get better, the marriage gets better. But here's the second saying that the best time to work on your marriage is before you get married. Yeah. Let me say it again. The best time to work on your marriage is before you get married. And we want to talk to you, those of you all who, regardless of your relationship status, we're glad that you're here with us doing life with us. We want to get you ready if you ever want to be married. And you being married is not something that you have to be unless that's what you want. But we want to talk about it today. So today's topic is why am I still single? And what God might be doing. And so, sweetheart, I'm excited about this one today. When when you hear somebody say, Why am I still single? What thoughts come to mind? Anything?

Tabatha Claytor 1:46

Um, I feel like when someone's asking, why am I still? that word still, um, that's kind of a negative word to me. Okay. Because it's it it says like, well, I should be married. Okay. And maybe you shouldn't be. Like if you're not married yet, you probably shouldn't be married yet. You know, don't get married until the right one comes along and then you get married, you know. So I I immediately I come to the defense of people who say, Why am I still? I'm saying, hey, you you're not in a bad place. Right. What if you're right where you should be? You know, what if you're right where God wants you to be?

Ken Claytor 2:18

Well, I think this the the one someone who feels that way just feels like they've been waiting and believing God and doing everything right for a long time, but they're still haven't been able to find someone that would you know, love them that way. Yeah. What would you say to that person?

Tabatha Claytor 2:35

Um, I would say, you know, first of all, your feelings are very real. Um, but I would say just kind of don't give up. Um, don't quit believing, don't quit, don't lose faith. But I would encourage them, just like I would encourage anyone who's believing for anything, maybe you have a healing that hasn't manifested yet. You know what I mean? Maybe you, you know, your your business isn't where you want it to be yet. So I would say to anyone to don't quit.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 3:02

Keep on believing. But then particularly to that singled person desiring to be married, I would say um, let's equip ourselves, equip yourself for marriage the best that you can.

Ken Claytor 3:16

Which is basically probably not being pressed, but being content with where you are. Yes, growing and developing yourself.

SPEAKER_01 3:23

Yes.

Ken Claytor 3:23

And so I feel two ways about it. Like, um, I think that the desire to be married is holy, and I think it's a good desire to have.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Yes.

Social Media Pressure And Comparison

Ken Claytor 3:32

I feel like the scripture, when it says that man shall not be alone, it is a very um important principle. He tells us to be fruitful and multiply. Um, at the same time, we see that Paul was never married, Jesus was never married. So we know that marriage is not like if I'm not married, something's wrong with me. And I just feel like sometimes as marriage ministers who do a lot of marriage, I never want to put marriage on a podium and it's like we're up here and everybody else is here. Because I don't believe that marriage, marriage should be honorable. And it's an institution. And one of the reasons like pastors and other people talk a lot about marriage is because the divorce rate is 50%. What does that mean? There are people that get married and they're married and miserable, and we don't want that for you. But many people are getting married and then they're figuring out how much warfare and how hard it is and what kind of weight it is, okay? And so single people want to be married and married people want to be single, and we all have to be content with the state that we're in. I guess what I'm saying is that it's okay to have like this dream and this desire. Yeah, it's a desire of your heart, and I believe by faith that God's gonna meet it. We just don't know when. So then the question is, what do you do while you wait? What do you do while you wait? Do you um ignore red flags? Do you go on dates with people who don't have any potential for marriage, but you're just doing something with your time now? Do you get angry at God? Do you fall into despair feeling like, oh, it's never gonna happen for me? None of those things are what we would call healthy Christianity. So we want to move you to a place as a single where you're whole and focused and fulfilled and filled with peace and joy and promise and power. And we believe that you can get there. Amen. So hey, answer this for me. Um do you feel like uh singles today uh for whatever reason have more pressure than before?

Tabatha Claytor 5:25

I would say yes and no. Here's my thoughts. In the olden days, let's say, uh, there might have been more pressure for people to get married because that's what you do. Take a woman. Okay. Like if you didn't get married, you're nothing. Okay. You know what I mean? So there was a lot more pressure back then, but then and and and less pressure today because you don't have to get married. But at the same time, we live in a social media world, and you can get on social media and you see relationship after relationship and this and you see this ideal.

Ken Claytor 5:56

And then the enemy makes you feel like there's either something missing in your life or there's something wrong about with you. Yes, and those things are lives. I'm in a place like I have I've been, I haven't watched the news in a while. And I believe in being informed, but I just felt the news were imparting like a spirit of fear. And it just didn't feel right in my spirit. It's not like I'm never gonna go back to it or anything like that, but it's just I do feel like there are some single people. If you get on social media and you feel some kind of way because of all of your friends getting married before you do, or you feel less about yourself, or there's something wrong, get off social media. Yeah. You don't need social media, you don't need to put yourself into positions where you're being tempted to be pulled out of contentment, you know?

Tabatha Claytor 6:37

Absolutely. And you know, just social media, just like any topic, you can look at the highlights, you know, of someone's life and marriage, and you might think that someone has a good marriage and they don't.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

Right.

Stop Making Marriage An Idol

Tabatha Claytor 6:50

Because they're taking good pictures. Right. You're not in your their house with them. And so that comparison, that wanting to be or have the life and marriage that somebody else has, it's always a no-go. It's always a negative. And I think also as a single, you know, not myself, but if you are a single, we have to be careful not to make marriage an idol.

Ken Claytor 7:10

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 7:10

Like this is the thing that I'm I'm living for.

Ken Claytor 7:12

Like I won't be happy until I'm married.

Tabatha Claytor 7:14

Yeah, until you're married.

Ken Claytor 7:14

No, you got to be happy now. Well, and if you're saying I won't be happy until then, that's probably why God hasn't sent you someone. Yeah. He needs you to come to the place where you can be like fully you right now.

Tabatha Claytor 7:24

And you have to realize that because if marriage is an idol, sometimes what happens is you get into that marriage and you think that the marriage is going to make you happy. The marriage is going to just change your life.

Ken Claytor 7:37

Those are the people with the worst marriages.

Tabatha Claytor 7:39

Yeah. Or the husband, you know, the husband, he's gonna just be everything for me and he's gonna protect, or or the wife, you know what I mean? Like that that that spouse or the marriage itself is just gonna automatically be magical and make everything great. And that's not the case. Marriages work.

Ken Claytor 7:56

Very good. What do you think is like the number one lie that many single people today who are waiting um are being told? What's the number one lie that you feel?

Tabatha Claytor 8:07

That they're not worth it. They're not worthy.

Ken Claytor 8:10

Can you talk to that? Can you speak to that?

Tabatha Claytor 8:12

Um, that's a lie of the enemy. The enemy will tell you that you're undesirable, you're unlikable. No man wants you, you're not good enough.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 8:21

Um, and those are all lies of the enemy. You have to fill yourself up with the word of God that no, you are likable, you are desirable, that there is someone who will love you and um care for you, and you declare the word of God over your life, and you by faith prophesy and speak until you see that.

Ken Claytor 8:40

So good. Uh one of the things I really like that you said was something in the beginning, and you were talking about how the same way that you believe for a um spouse is the same way that you would believe for a new job or healing. So it's almost like parallels. It's like so let's not make it like bigger than what it is.

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 8:59

There are people who are listening right now that are believing to be healed of cancer, believing to be healed of migraine headaches, believing to have a a child, and there are some people that are believing for a spouse and to be married. The same principles of faith apply. Don't make it like, you know what I'm saying? So if a person, let's say you were believing God to overcome migraine headaches, you wouldn't let that belief in God come over into your self-worth and value. But for whatever reason, when you're believing God for a spouse, I don't know if it's the society or culture, it's almost like, is there something wrong with me? Right. Or why is this taking so long? And this doesn't have to do with your value or worth. Now it might have to do with your character development or what God knows you can handle in your life. That's big. Yeah. Because I believe that there are certain promotions, like even say in in my world, which is church world, like let's say I have a vision to start multiple campuses. God ain't taking me from one campus to two campuses if it's going to crush me.

Tabatha Claytor 9:54

Absolutely. And that those faith principles, like you said, apply whatever. It doesn't even have to be like you could just be believing God for a promotion. I could be believing God for my eyebrows to grow back. You know, like I'm believing God for, you know, like, you know, you could believe God for anything that your heart desires, uh, but they're the same principles of faith.

Mentorship Mondays Invitation

Steward The Single Season Well

Ken Claytor 10:15

Yeah, so good, so good. Are you a senior leader, a second chair leader, or simply someone who's thinking about launching a church? If that's you, I want to personally invite you to be a part of the Global Pastors and Leaders Network. You know, I've been in ministry now 18, 19 years. We started with six people in the rec center, but on today, we have five locations in four cities in two different nations. We see over 4,000 people in regular attendance every single Sunday. And we want to pay it forward. People are asking me, Pastor Ken, how are you guys doing what you're doing at a live church? A lot of people want a shortcut to success. The only shortcut is mentorship. And so I'm starting a new thing called mentorship Mondays with Pastor Ken and Friends. We're launching a monthly Zoom call where I'm building real life ministry questions. I'm bringing some of our team along with us, we're opening up our playbook to really share with you what we do at a live church and how we're doing it. My team and I will be hosting this call every third Monday. If this resonates with you, and if you're hungry, humble, and know that God's just calling you to war, join us for the next call. We'll see you there. What would you tell a single to do to stay confident in the waiting season? So if you wanted to speak faith over somebody, what would be your encouragement, man or woman? This is this is how you should approach this moment.

Tabatha Claytor 11:33

I would say this is a this is a season. Um, and to steward that season well. Because when it's gone, it's gone.

Ken Claytor 11:41

Right.

Tabatha Claytor 11:41

When you're married, you can't go back to being single.

Ken Claytor 11:43

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 11:44

And so in this season, I would say You can, but you shouldn't.

Ken Claytor 11:46

You can.

Tabatha Claytor 11:47

Right? A lot of people doing it, but you shouldn't. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't want to be hard. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 11:53

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 11:53

But this is a season where for intimacy with God, your closeness with God, and for you to really discover who you are as a woman, as a man, your likes, your dislikes, um, your dreams, your goals. And uh I think that time is just so valuable.

Ken Claytor 12:10

Thinking about something, I gotta write it down. Go ahead.

Tabatha Claytor 12:12

Oh, write it down. Uh so um I I would say don't don't miss this season and don't have don't let it be a season that you're just always anticipating. Like you miss this season because you're anticipating the next season so much.

Break Patterns With Trusted Counsel

Ken Claytor 12:26

What would you say to the single person that keeps picking the wrong person? It's almost like they just they just pick the wrong person. They always just avoid the red flags.

Tabatha Claytor 12:37

Yeah, I would say that's a pattern. And I would not trust myself to pick the next person. I would have somebody to help me with the next person.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 12:46

I would get a um someone, you know, a best friend, or sometimes it's your friends picking it and it you get someone, a pastor, a leader, a mentor. Um, if you're a woman, make sure you get a, you know, another man that to check him out, a married man.

Ken Claytor 13:01

And listen to their advice.

Tabatha Claytor 13:03

Yeah, and listen to their advice.

Ken Claytor 13:04

Yeah, don't just go through the motions with it. Just okay, what do you see that I don't see?

Tabatha Claytor 13:07

There's pat you need to have a conversation with someone who will point out the red flags because you're overlooking the red flags because you probably don't see them. And there's patterns that they have in their life that you don't see and recognize. And so, and then there's things that you're not, you don't know to look for. You don't know how to um judge his relationships with other people. You don't know how to say, oh, well, you you had 10 jobs in the last two years. You know, red flag, red flag, you know. So you there's some things that you don't understand, and your help is in the multitude of counselors or just a couple of people that you can trust.

Attractive In A Holy Way

Ken Claytor 13:43

Yeah. So what I was writing down, just because you're nosy.

Tabatha Claytor 13:46

Thank you.

Ken Claytor 13:47

Okay, what I was writing down, I think everyone else wants to add too was this thought of like what I notice sometimes is that there are some single people that they have a desire to be married, but they are not attractive to win somebody. What I say is not attractive, like I'm judging you. You're not making yourself attractive. Like you're not baiting the hook, right? Yeah. What I'm saying is that if you go out fishing, you just can't throw a metal hook out there and expect the fish to look at it and jump on the metal hook. You gotta put some bread, some cheese, you gotta put some some worms on there. You gotta do something so that it's desirable.

Tabatha Claytor 14:27

Attractive.

Ken Claytor 14:28

I think that there's a lot of people that are single because they just don't know how to be attractive in a holy way. Now, there are some people that they know how to be attractive in an unholy way. They pull all their stuff, they cleave it all out.

Tabatha Claytor 14:38

But Boaz don't want all that.

Ken Claytor 14:39

Yeah, but if you want a man or a woman of God, you're gonna have to be attractive in a different way. And I kind of so when I was thinking about that, I was like, huh, that's an interesting thought. And then I had this thought of so if you were speaking to a man who's watching, and he's a single man, and in the realm of what I just talked about, being an attractive, you know, what would you, if you were single, want to say to him for him to be attractive to be able to find a woman like you?

Tabatha Claytor 15:11

I would say you gotta be clean. You gotta be showered, you have to be well groomed. Your teeth better be white, you better get some crest white strips. Your nails cannot be long. If your nails are long, mister, it is not no, we don't want long nails, we don't want dirt beneath the nails. Have your if you're gonna wear flip-flops or sandals, have uh get a pedicure, just go down to a nail salon and get a mani petty once a month, and you'll and you'll be straight. You know, I would say um make sure your hair is cut, make sure your clothes are clean. Um, just present yourself well. And I'll also I would say um talk, express yourself. Uh, you know, we don't want to have to deal with someone like talking to a teenager or like you get angry and you know, like you you're not really telling me what you're thinking. And I can't, if I can't engage in conversation with you, mm-mm. We ain't doing that. You gotta learn how to communicate with me. Um, smile. I don't want to roughneck. I don't want a roughneck. Smile. Let me know um that you're kind. Let me know that you love God. Yeah, you know, you better know some scripture.

SPEAKER_01 16:23

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 16:24

You better know the word. You better know how to worship God. That's not I went out of the physical. No, no, no, no.

Ken Claytor 16:32

I want to pull more. I want to pull more because there's a there's a young man that needs to hear this.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 16:36

Okay. So you don't have anybody, you're not dating anybody. It's been hard for you. Right. Okay, here's some just practical things. I'm did you talk about having a job? No.

Tabatha Claytor 16:45

How you treat and I want to know that you didn't try to get with my friend, her sister, her sister's sister, my cousin. I want to know that you don't try to talk to every woman that comes your way.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor 16:55

I want to know that you're selective.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor 16:57

That you have, you know, uh standards. Okay. You know. Um, I want to know that you have a job. I want to know that you pay your bills. You don't have to be a billionaire, but I want to know that you handle your business. I want to know that your car is clean, that your house is clean. You know what I mean? Like, do you handle your business? That matters. Like, yes, because then I can trust you. Okay. I can't trust you if you you can't pay your bills.

Ken Claytor 17:19

I remember I was in college and this girl had a dirty house. I had to go. It's just a crazy thing. Anyway. Um, I want to bring it back. Okay, so you gave me what you'd be looking for. Give me your red flags. So if you was to tell this guy, this is the red flags, this is what would turn you off. Uh-huh. Lickety split. I'm out of here. I'm done. Because a lot of guys don't even know this is why you don't have nobody. Just just what what comes to mind?

Tabatha Claytor 17:45

I would say red flags are um uh probably cursing. I'm I'm not a cursor. Uh I'd say red flags are um just kind of not taking care of yourself. Like if if you don't maybe take care of your body.

Ken Claytor 18:03

Okay. Exercise. Would that be important?

Tabatha Claytor 18:05

Yeah, yeah. Exercise is important to me. I need to know that in 50 years you're still gonna be around.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Right.

Tabatha Claytor 18:11

Okay, because I I think that's respectable that you love your body enough to take care of your health. Um I would red flags are I don't see you hanging out in places that I wouldn't hang out. So if I go into the restaurant and you're always at the bar, uh I would question that. Um, I would look at your friends, and if you look totally different than your friends, I would probably be like, that's a red flag, because even though he looks different and says that he acts different, he may be different, but like more than likely he's like his friends and presenting himself different just to win me. Or if you show me your friends, I can prophesy your future. And you might not be like them now, but you keep on hanging with it, you're gonna be like them anyway. So we don't have time for all that.

Ken Claytor 19:02

I'm glad I got my phone. That was good. That was good. I mean, I mean, I guess I should flip it around, you know. Like, okay, so if you were to ask me to tell a young lady if I was single, what I would be looking for, um, I'll be looking for someone who's attractive. Um I'm a visual person, and attractive doesn't mean you gotta be Miss America. Attractive means that you know how to do your stuff. Like your nails are good. I'm big on nails. I'm big on toenails, fingernails, feet, hands, soft, um, hair done, um, smile, you know, skin taken well, know how to do your makeup, not too much. Um, some guys like a lot of fake stuff. I don't like a lot of fake stuff, so it depends on how you're trying to bait this hook. So some people like, you know, eyelashes that are 30 feet long. That's not really my thing. I kind of like someone who's more like, this is me, but I'm beautiful being me, but that's the each own. Um for me, I would probably be um I'm looking for somebody who loves God. I'm looking for someone who I don't have to tell to come to church. I think um a a woman who loves God is gonna be attractive in her own way. I'm definitely looking for a woman who hasn't um like uh kind of like no, it doesn't matter if she's like been around with every it it matters if she's being around now, more so. You know what I'm saying? Not like I'm looking for someone who has like some some no to her. Like it's almost like it's gonna be tough for me to get with her. It's almost like this um I'm gonna have to have a challenge. I don't like it to be like super easy, but I don't want it to be super hard either. I don't want you to tear me down and make me feel like I'm nothing, and then I gotta go do all this uh play these games to try to get with you. But at the same time, I want there to be, I don't even know how to explain it. There's a challenge. And I've been created to pursue. So I like a woman with some standards. And so um, yeah, fitness will probably be big for me because it's just important. I want to know that this woman can take care of her body. It's not like skinny or big or tall. It's more like, can you take care of you well? You know what I'm saying? That's what I want to hear a single person say. Like, if you're coming out of the house and you're single, you're going to the publix, and you got your hair like an Angabama thing, and you got like your hands all ashy and you you got one thing I can't stand is when women have like part of their nail polish. Like you ain't like, just either take it all off or put it all on. But you say you're single, but you're in the publix. Do you know that God can send your man to the publix? So it's almost like if you're single, come out like today could be that day where you're gonna meet that person you've been believing God for. So that's how I approach ministry. I go to church like today's gonna be that day where we're gonna have a big harvest of souls. When I was in real estate, today's gonna be that day that I get that big deal come my way. If I'm believing God for a spouse, today's gonna be my day. So I'm actually walking around with like breath mints. I'm walking around like my expectation is there. And not, it's not like if I go through it for Or a month or years, I'm going to back down. It's just like, no, I know it's coming and I'm prepared for it. So I don't know. That's some of the stuff.

Butterfly Love Book Break

Tabatha Claytor 22:07

Yeah, some of its perspective too. I mean, because even once you get married, you still have these standards. And so if you view yourself as a king or a queen, you know what I mean? You're going to dress a certain way. You're going to carry yourself a certain way. You're going to talk a certain way. Um, all of those things matter in how you present yourself to the world.

Ken Claytor 22:26

Yeah. We were headed for divorce, but today we're best friends. We're Ken and Tabitha. We've been married for 26 years. And honestly, it's been the best 24 years of my life. You do the math. The first two years was absolutely horrible, but now Tabitha, she got herself together and things are much better.

Tabatha Claytor 22:41

Hey, you know that's half true. But we believe any marriage can change with the right tools. In our new book, Butterfly Love, we share our love story of 26 years. It isn't what you think, and it's exactly what you think all at the same time. It's beautiful beginnings, messy middles, and a miracle we didn't see coming.

Rejection Can Be Protection

Ken Claytor 23:00

If you love rom-coms, romance novels, you'll love this book. Butterfly Love is easy. Keeping the butterflies, not so much. We want to help you fall in love, stay in love, and grow in love. This book right here, this is for you. Get your copy today. Okay, so do this. Don't take what we just said as anything personal because a lot of it's subjective. Nails, so forth and so on. You might have somebody that just loves your chippy nails. I don't know. But what we're saying is that can you pay attention to how you're baiting the hook? I think that is a principle that we all can get behind. Am I right? Okay. So here's some things to consider. Um because many times single people feel rejected. There's just this level of rejection. But what if, and one of the best statements I've ever heard is what if man's rejection is God's protection? I think there are single people who feel like, well, I ain't found nobody, I ain't found nobody. But what if you ain't found nobody? Good. Because God's been keeping you, God's been protecting you. Yeah. God's been saving you for the right person for you. And so for me, this uh podcast is not elementary level. You know, it's not like this is like collegiate level. Like I'm grown, I love God, I'm stable, but I still don't see anything happening. It's not elementary level, like I'm I'm needy or something like that. And so when the enemy makes us feel like, you know, we've been rejected, um when the truth is that waiting is often preparation, waiting is often protection, waiting is often opportunities for development. You believe that?

SPEAKER_01 24:40

Yeah, yeah.

Ken Claytor 24:41

I believe it with all my heart. It's almost like if you're single, God's developing your character to be able to handle marriage, hopefully. That's why we see so many married people. They struggle. They they didn't stay. They there was something not developed well.

Tabatha Claytor 24:58

And I see it as most single people, you know what I mean? You can you can get married, right? You can lower your standards, especially as believers. You can lower your standards and just haul off and get married to anybody or do something. There's somebody out there, you know. Right, you can go and do that. So if you change your perspective, it's not that you can't get married, right? You don't want to get married until you meet the right person. Yeah, you don't want to until God says, yes, this is God's timing for your life.

Ken Claytor 25:28

And you're worth the wait.

Tabatha Claytor 25:29

Yeah, you're worth the wait. You are selected.

Ken Claytor 25:32

Yeah, you are your value is more precious than rubies. I mean, you are a mighty man of valor. You are worth the wait, you know?

SPEAKER_01 25:39

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 25:40

So here's a few scriptures that I would give you if you're if you're waiting. Psalm 37 and 4 says, Delight yourself in the Lord, and he'll give you the desires of your heart. So we do believe that if you have a desire to get married, you can stand on this scripture that God will give you the desires of your heart. Um I don't believe that God is ignoring your desire while you're waiting. I believe he's shaping it. Um, Isaiah 60, 22, it says, When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen. It's all about timing and it's about season. Um, Proverbs 3, 5, it says, trust in the Lord and He will direct your path. Okay. So that means that God can direct your relationship, He can direct your affairs too. But you want to have the posture and position that you're ready for the promotion when it comes. Um, and so here's my big takeaway for every single person. Your relationship status doesn't determine your value. You're not behind, you're right where you need to be. I believe it.

Tabatha Claytor 26:37

Yeah. Um, and and and you have to believe that even as a married couple, uh-huh, um, you know, when you when you get married individually, you know, you have to be able to have value in who you are and who God created you to be.

SPEAKER_01 26:52

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 26:52

I can't, I'm not gonna do anything for our marriage if I don't, if I'm not confident in myself and who I am in Christ. Right. And I'm coming to you for everything, and I'm leaning to you for everything. That's not gonna work.

Ken Claytor 27:06

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 27:06

So this is such an important season to be in as a single.

Practical Dating Keys And Boundaries

Ken Claytor 27:10

Wow. And so we want to end with this. Are y'all ready for this? We want to give you some practical keys. Here's just some a few wisdom keys to consider being single. All right. Are you ready? All right. Stop letting loneliness choose your relationships. Don't date out of pain. And sometimes when there's nobody around, you go pick the zero instead of waiting on the hero. And don't allow the fact that nobody's there to lower your standards all the way down to the ground. Now, some people got these standards that's crazy. Like you need them to be six foot four, light skinned with green eyes and have freckles and make$500,000 a year. Okay, okay, lower your standards a little bit. You know what I'm saying? Just find somebody that loves God, you know. But anyway, here's another one. He'll heal what keeps repeating. If the same kind of person keeps showing up, pay attention. You know? So if you're always attracting people that just got out of prison, pay attention. If you're always attracting people that, you know, don't pay child support, pay attention. If you're always attracting people that are tad abusive, pay attention. Okay.

unknown 28:15

Wow.

Ken Claytor 28:15

Um, how about this one? Clarify your boundaries. A boundaryless person gets broken quickly. So it is good. You know, I liked it that you had boundaries. It's good for you to have boundaries. All right. Here's another one. Stop entertaining red flags. If it's confusing now, it'd be chaos later. And so many times a red flag to us is just something that you see in this person that you know is not right. So you know the scripture says don't be unequally yoked together with an unbeliever. And sometimes you can be a strong believer and you got somebody that's brand new to the Bible. Red flag, because you don't know how they're going to develop. Here's another one. Stop marrying potential. Stop dating potential. A lot of people date potential, like, well, I see this in him. I see what he could be. That don't mean he's ever gonna realize that. There's a lot of people, actually, the majority of people I meet have great potential. They'll never realize. Because just because you have potential doesn't mean you'll go through the process of the hard work to see it fully manifest itself. Um, get around wise voices. Here's another one. Hang with people who have your answers, okay? Here's another one. Become who you want to marry. Become who you want to marry.

Tabatha Claytor 29:27

That's really good.

Ken Claytor 29:27

Level up spiritually, emotionally, financially, and mentally. Yeah. You're you're a single person, you should be killing it in your career. You're a single person, your house, go go buy a house. What you waiting on? You know, okay, you're renting right now, go buy a house. Okay, you're single, you ain't gotta wait to do those things to be married, but become good at your investment. That's so good. You're you're married? No, hold on one second. I got I got more. You're single right now, um, sell out for the church. You know, 1 Corinthians chapter 7, it says that when you get married, you have to care for the things of the world. What that means is that I gotta take care of her needs and she got to take care of my needs. But if you're single, you can take care of the things of God. It's always amazing to me when I see single people, they're too busy. I can't lead a small group right now because I'm too busy. I can't come to church right now too I'm I'm single, but I'm busy. Your single season should be the season where you are open to God. You should be going on missions trips. You should be leading a group, maybe two groups, you should be involved when the church doors are open with. That's what the season is about. If you go into another season, then you have to care for the things of the world. I'm sorry, go ahead.

Tabatha Claytor 30:30

That's good. I forgot what I was saying now. I I was you, you it's taught it's off the topic now, but if you're believing God for a spouse who says, you know, like um, you want them to be faithful, you want them to love God, you want them to know scripture, you want them to be um balling in their career, you want them to be financially stable, you want them to have a six-pack, you want all of this stuff. I think you have to look at yourself and say, Am I all of these things? Because that that man or woman that you just described is believing for that same list.

Ken Claytor 31:05

You got a one person.

Tabatha Claytor 31:07

Believe in God for God to give you something that you don't maybe, you know, not qualify for. But you know what I mean? Yeah. It's just like you have to meet the same standards that you're believing God for. Yeah. And so you don't want it to be like, you know, I'm believing for this man. He's out there and he's ready, but you're not. You're the one that's not ready.

SPEAKER_01 31:25

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 31:25

She's out there, but you're the one that's not ready. So let's just let let's raise our standards to meet that which we're gonna do.

Ken Claytor 31:31

It's almost like what I'm thinking with what we're saying is that get yourself ready. Be the best you you can be. You cannot be anybody else, but be the best you you can be. The way you dress, the way you walk, the way you carry yourself in your career, in your relationship with God. But please don't, after you get married, go downhill. And that's what people be doing. You you done all this, man. You used to be in the gym like crazy. And then when you get married, have a couple kids, the gym ain't seen you in 10 years. And it's like you, you, you, you was this whole person while you were single, and then you just did it to get somebody, and it's almost like entrapment. I guess what I'm saying is not don't just do these things to bait the hook right. Actually become this person.

Tabatha Claytor 32:14

Yeah, and you're not trying to become perfect, it's beautiful. You're not trying, you know, you're not doing any of that. You're just trying to be the best version of you, and you deserve that for yourself as well.

Ken Claytor 32:23

Don't idolize marriage is a big one. Marriage is a gift, it's not a God. Here's another one: keep your purity strong because your future deserves a healthy you. Okay? You gotta keep your purity strong. Don't give out discounts, make people pay the full price for you, which is called a ringy. No ringy, no thingy. No, no, no wedding, no betty. No contract, no contact. It's just it's just standard. Build a full life now. Purpose attracts purpose, mission attracts mission. You know, if you don't have a job, don't expect you to attract somebody who has a great one. Um trust God's timing without shutting down. Stay open, stay hopeful, stay expecting. And every delay, I believe, works to your favor. I believe he's developing you right now. Any closing thoughts?

Tabatha Claytor 33:14

This is really good.

Subscribe And Stay Connected

Ken Claytor 33:15

This is good. I pray that it blessed you. You're worth the wait. And I believe that the reason that you are still waiting is because how valuable you are. It's not because there's something wrong, it's because everything is right. And we got to make sure that the right person comes to the right person. And so we love you guys. We're out of time for today. If you're new to our podcast, hit the subscribe button if you're on YouTube or the alert icon. We release a new episode every Thursday at 3 p.m. We call it Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha because we don't want this to be just a monologue. We want to have a dialogue with you. So please write in to us, email us, share your testimony, what God is doing in your life. It inspires us to keep on going. We've had hundreds of episodes, and we just want to be, we want there to be hundreds of more. So keep praying for us, keep doing life with us. If you're ever in Florida, come worship with us at a live church. You can find more information at our website. And I got a new book out, Butterfly Love. We also have some other masterclasses and devotionals that we think will add value to you. Check it all out at Kenantabitha.com, and we'll see you next week. Peace.