How To Save A Marriage With Better Thoughts

A marriage can look fine on the outside while quietly getting torn down from the inside by one habit: a critical inner dialogue. We get honest about what happens when you replay a moment, assume the worst, and start building a case against the person you love. If you’ve ever thought “What did they mean by that?” and felt the rabbit hole open up, this conversation gives you a better way forward. 

We talk about what it means to defend your spouse to yourself and why that kind of mental discipline is a form of maturity. We share how fault finding chips away at respect, emotional safety, and physical intimacy, and why attraction struggles often start long before the bedroom, in the thoughts you repeatedly feed. You’ll hear our real-life rhythm of praying for each other, why we don’t force a “pray together” routine, and how daily intercession shifts your heart from irritation to empathy. 

We also lay out practical steps you can use immediately: catch the thought, replace irritation with interpretation, separate behavior from identity, practice daily gratitude, stop comparing, and communicate instead of stewing. Along the way, we anchor it with scriptures about love covering offenses and choosing what to focus on. If you want Christian marriage advice that’s both spiritual and practical, this will help you build a healthier mindset and a stronger relationship. 

If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review. What’s one critical thought you’re ready to replace today?

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Transcript

Reframing Negative Thoughts

Tabatha Claytor 0:00

I've learned and trained myself to defend you even against myself. So what that looks like is man, he said this to me, he did that. Does he like me? Or maybe he just has an attitude. Maybe he shouldn't, you know, and I begin to think bad thoughts. They're either my thoughts or the enemies. Either way, it's not good. I want to get it rid of them. So then I'll say, oh no, he loves me. He's awesome. I don't know. Maybe he had a bad day. Maybe I'm just taking it the wrong way. Maybe I need a break. Let me go take a bath.

Ken Claytor 0:28

That right there, if you grabbed hold of it, will save somebody's merit. It's just those thoughts. You can either go down this rabbit hole of negativity, or you can say, maybe they just had a rough day. Maybe they didn't mean anything by that. I just felt like that's maturity.

Why Defend Your Spouse

Ken Claytor 0:47

Hey, welcome back for another episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha. We're pumped to have you guys with us today. Um, we want to build up your marriage. Those of you all who are single and you're going to get married one day, you need this podcast, man. If you are married, God knows you need this podcast. Because many times we can tear our spouse down instead of defending them. And so today is entitled Defending Your Spouse to Yourself, How to Stop Being a Fault Finder. We are ready for this one today. Sweetheart, are you ready?

Tabatha Claytor 1:17

I am ready.

Ken Claytor 1:17

Yeah. I think you do a great job. Matter of fact, I enjoy your shirt.

Tabatha Claytor 1:20

Oh, thank you.

Ken Claytor 1:21

Um, those you might not be able to see.

Tabatha Claytor 1:22

It was a gift.

Ken Claytor 1:23

Yeah. Um, it says 10 minutes on stage, 10 years off stage.

Tabatha Claytor 1:27

Yes, sir.

Ken Claytor 1:27

And um, that's truth to that shirt. You know, 10 minutes on stage or in front of a camera, it's 10 years to build up for that moment. And a lot of people, um, they don't understand what's needed to actually have the character to be able to be on stage or to have a platform. Somebody brought us that when they were in Japan, starting to do some missionary work in Japan and kind of partner with churches over there. So excited about that. But back into what we have today, defending your spouse to yourself. Um, when you hear defending your spouse, what does it mean to you? I feel like you've done a good job of that. Um, talk to me a little bit about what that means to you.

Tabatha Claytor 2:07

I'm glad you feel like that because it, I don't know. I get excited. I feel like I love to do that.

SPEAKER_01 2:13

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 2:14

Um, I feel like to me, it's like I have your back.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 2:18

Um, like, okay, even in prayer, like I love to pray for you, like just to war in prayer for you, okay, to cover you daily with prophetic words, um, sewing and speaking life over you. Um, but then also, you know, um just praying for the desires of your heart. Um, and I know, especially for this podcast, defending you even against myself, because there are things where it might be like, well, you looked at me like this, or you said this, and it hurt my feelings or rubbed me the wrong way, or I could begin to feel like uh, you know, angry at you for whatever reason. And I've learned and trained myself to defend you, yeah, even against myself.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 3:05

So what that looks like is it's like, oh man, you know, he's man, he said this to me, he did that. Does he like me? Or maybe he just has an attitude. Maybe he shouldn't, you know, and I begin to think bad thoughts. They're either my thoughts or the enemies. Either way, it's not good. I want to get it rid of them. So then I'll say, Oh, no, he loves me. He's awesome. You know, he, I don't know, maybe he had a bad day, maybe I'm just taking it the wrong way. Maybe I need a break. Let me go take a bath.

Ken Claytor 3:30

You know, that right there, if you grabbed hold of it, will save somebody's marriage. It's just those thoughts. You can either go down this rabbit hole of negativity, or you can say, maybe they just had a rough day, maybe they didn't mean anything by that, so forth and so on. I don't know. I just felt like that's maturity and um it means a lot that you would do that. Um, I I want to go back to the part, I thought there

Praying For Each Other Daily

Ken Claytor 3:55

was an anointing on when you said you pray for me.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 3:59

Um, because, you know, we don't have the thing where we pray together a lot. You know, we pray together here and there. But, you know, some people say, well, you you if you pray together, you stay together. I've seen people pray together and not stay together. Um, I think it's a great principle. And if you pray together, continue it. There's nothing wrong with it. Matter of fact, it'll probably bring great benefit. That's never been our rhythm because she's wild in prayer and I'm wild in prayer. No, I actually like my own private time. I like my private time. I love my private time.

Tabatha Claytor 4:27

When we pray together, he tries to take over my the prayer, he takes over the whole prayer time. And this is my, I want to be with God and I want to pray to God the way I want to pray with God. And he doesn't like the way I want to talk to God, and I don't like the way that he wants to talk to God. And we both want to be bosses.

Ken Claytor 4:45

Yeah, I do. I feel like that. Like if we pray together, you're definitely gonna take over.

Tabatha Claytor 4:49

We're gonna be irritated with each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't want to be in the presence of God. I'm just praying.

Ken Claytor 4:54

Yeah, yeah. So you heard it first here. We have a marriage podcast. We've been married for. We're actually about to celebrate 27 years on July the 3rd, just coming up, just a moment. We have a great marriage and we don't have a rhythm of praying together. Okay. Hope you're not upset by that. But I tell you what, we do do we pray for each other. Yeah. And I pray for this woman every single day. Amen. Because I have the kind of prayer life that's like I might spend an hour, an hour and a half, and we do it at different times. We're just opposites. I don't know if you married your opposite, but we're opposites and alike that have now submitted to one another. So we do a lot of things alike. I mean, I looked at our podcast last week. It was like we almost dressed alike, and we didn't even do that on purpose. It was just, it is what it is. It's like after you're married for a while, it's almost like you can complete each other's sentences. But honestly, in the foundation, we're really different of how we see things, the decisions we would make, how we drive, how we will respond, how we parent, and all of these things and how we pray, how we spend time with God. We do it at different times and in different ways. But I tell you this: let's get back to my point is I pray for you every day. I pray for you this morning. Thank you. And I mean, when I pray for you, I pray for you. I say every cell in your body is healed. Come on. Cancer will never come again. It is settled in the name of Jesus that you arise with power, you arise with healing in your wings, you arise with the wisdom of God, that everything you touch today will prosper, that you are anointed by God to manage our church and to manage our family, that you have a grace. I mean, really go in. And I think it does something when you really pray for your spouse. It does something in your heart. Yeah. Where you know them by the spirit. And I am not um trying to find fault with the person that I'm always blessing. Yeah. So I'm the greatest defender of you in the spirit, but also in my own heart and mind. I just thought there was something powerful about it, you know, like pray for your spouse. Like war in the spirit, not like some little Lord bless me today. No, no, I'm talking about declare favor over them. No weapon formed against them shall prosper. You know, even though they walk through the valley of the shadow of death, they fear no evil. I'm talking about speak the word. Yeah. Do you you do that for me? Yes. How often do you feel like you do that for me? I don't think we've ever had that discussion.

Tabatha Claytor 7:03

It's just right. I pray every day for you. Um, I don't pray the same way every day, but every day. And sometimes I pray longer, sometimes I pray shorter. And it's depending on the season, you know, different things. Sometimes I go in and praying for you to be the father. I know you love our children. I know you want to pour into our kids. And so sometimes I'm like, oh, let me pray this. Yeah. And I pray for you in that area. Um, I pray for you to in leadership, you know, all the time, um, because I know that you've been given this mantle, um, the apostolic anointing, um, to build churches and plant churches in multiple nations and multiple cities and all of this stuff. I know that there's weight with it. And so one of my favorite prayers that I pray for you probably most often is that you would have a heart like David, um, that you would love God, um, to worship God the way that David did, and then wisdom like Solomon to govern his people, to govern these churches, to do, you know, what God's calling you to do. And those things just mean a lot to me uh to be able to talk to God just so that you can build the life and live the life that God's called you to. That means everything.

Ken Claytor 8:13

Well, that means a lot to me. And my hope for those of you all who are watching is that maybe you'll say, okay, I'm gonna be my spouse's biggest intercessor. You know, not their friend group, not their small group. I will be my spouse's biggest intercessor. And um, I would go on record just saying, thank you for praying for me. I think it's made a world of difference. And I just feel like there's something on that. I'm pausing here for a moment because you know, this isn't something we talked about. Yeah. It's just something that is a kairos moment, what it means to like war for your spouse. And I think that if, you know, if you're if you're the person that basically jumps on your spouse, it's going to be hard to pray for them and pile up on them as well. So if you're defending your spouse to yourself, that and praying for them and warring for them, it kind of all goes together. And so I just think that's good.

Tabatha Claytor 9:05

You know, one this is how I pray for you, but I pray for you a lot at night while you're sleeping. And I, you know, because I'm a dreamer and I have these dreams. And um, sometimes just while I'm sleeping, I'll just discern certain things. Sometimes there's just demonic things that I need to pray over and things like that. But I wake up in the middle of the night often and and it's not long, it might be three minutes, sometimes it might be 15 minutes. And I'm never up in the middle of the night, just so you know. Sweep sleep, and I'm up here praying and going to war. But it's good and I love it. And, you know, so I don't know, that's just what I do. But I pray for you a lot at night, and they are warfare prayers, you know, it's battlefield prayers, like binding and loosing and declaring and decreeing. And, you know, you'll be asleep over there. Sometimes um, I will wake up um because you know, it's like you're having a nightmare or something like that. And I go over here and wake you up. I'll put my hands on you, but I just keep my hand there in the name of Jesus.

Ken Claytor 10:04

You that's super spiritual.

Tabatha Claytor 10:05

I am not playing, y'all. I am not playing.

Ken Claytor 10:08

Our our daughter, she's 16, and she's like, um, she says, Mommy come in my room one day and was praying, and she didn't know, and she saw and she just jumped, she didn't know who it was, and she in there praying. She's I scared her. Spiritual.

Tabatha Claytor 10:22

She starts screaming out of the bed. I'm telling her, it's mom, it's mom, it's mom. She scared me back. We both scared.

Ken Claytor 10:28

In the middle of the night. Like, you got somebody just over your bed.

Tabatha Claytor 10:30

Like, we were terrified. I felt bad because I I just terrified my daughter. And so, like, I'm like, tears are in my eyes. I'm saying, charity, charity, it's me, it's me. And then he comes in in the middle of the night and looks at us. Yes, in the middle of a tragic situation, okay? And I'm holding her like this, saying, It's me, it's me. And he's gonna look in. Y'all are too much.

Ken Claytor 10:53

Too much.

Tabatha Claytor 10:54

And then he left.

Ken Claytor 10:55

Extra.

Tabatha Claytor 10:55

He didn't console us. And I don't know. He didn't pray for us.

Ken Claytor 10:58

I just know y'all are extra.

Tabatha Claytor 11:00

It was really extra. Well, uh, needless to say, but I wasn't even in her room. It's not like I was in her room hovering over her. I just opened the door.

Ken Claytor 11:10

Okay. Well, well, why why I ain't even gonna ask. We gotta move on.

Tabatha Claytor 11:14

I'm just saying.

Fault Finding Kills Attraction

Ken Claytor 11:16

Um what do you feel like fault finding um does to like attraction or even respect? You know, because the uh defending your spouse to yourself to stop being a fault finder. Uh-huh. What do you think fault finding does to attraction or respect?

Tabatha Claytor 11:36

I don't know how you can have a lot of respect or maintain a level of respect or attraction for someone that you keep a a list of wrongs, that you are looking at them and you see their faults and not their strengths.

SPEAKER_01 11:51

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 11:52

Um, it's just really, I don't I don't know how you can do that. I don't know how you can, as husband and wife, maintain a sexual, intimate relationship, a healthy sexual relationship, one where we are chasing each other around the house where you know we're sweethearts, we are best friends, we give kisses, we're touchy-feely, date, night, hold hands. I don't know how you can do that if inside you are keeping track or critical and fault-finding.

Ken Claytor 12:24

Yeah, not defending them to yourself. Um, I would go as far as to say it's probably just the work of the flesh that has you tearing your spouse down sometimes. It's like your flesh, you know, the flesh is not saved. So your carnal man, your carnal nature can just be a fault finder. And if you allow yourself to live by the flesh, you'll die. Scripture says that. And so you want to crucify your flesh and build up your spirit. And I just feel like to defend your spouse over those fleshy tendencies means you gotta walk in the spirit. You gotta grow up. You know what I'm saying? You you really do because to defend your spouse, because your your flesh is gonna be irritated, it's gonna be upset, it's gonna harbor unforgiveness. To defend your spouse all the time, yeah, you're gonna have to walk by the spirit. And so you will eventually treat your spouse the way you think about your spouse. If your inner dialogue is critical, your outer dialogue will follow. So the scripture says it this way: as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he. So if your inner dialogue is not able to defend them, it will eventually come on the outside.

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 13:35

And I think that there's a lot of people that are just irritated in marriage. Their spouse that they loved enough to take their last name, or the two became one, you're irritated. You're just irritated. And that's not the best way to live in the house. You gotta come to where your internal perspective. So even as we age, we start to change. You know, maybe your husband now has a low bare belly, or your wife put on some weight, or maybe, you know, whatever has happened, you can't get critical of them. So I tell myself all the time, my wife is the most beautiful person in the world to me. Um, my wife is intelligent and wise. And I just think that that healthy inner dialogue creates that attraction.

Tabatha Claytor 14:20

Absolutely.

Ken Claytor 14:21

Because if not, it will be friction. You know.

Tabatha Claytor 14:24

I think um the the Bible says, or the Bible actually says, I don't think it that um as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. And so that's a principle that I use all of the time. Um because you know, if if you're thinking in your heart negative thoughts all the time, yeah, well, then that's what you're going to be. That's who you are, and that's how you view your spouse. And so when it comes to just like intimacy and the level of relationship that we want, you know, like we want to, I want the kind of relationship that like when I stand before Jesus, I'm like, and he's like, How did you steward this relationship, this covenant relationship of marriage? How did you treat your husband? I want him to be like, well done. Like, I want to be like, I did, I know I wasn't perfect, Jesus, but I tried to be perfect. Right. You know, I I tried to repent when I when I needed to and forgive when I needed to. But I want that fairy tale. And I don't think there's a such thing as a fairy tale, but in it, if you could get to it, I want my marriage to be like that. And I think we all have to define what do you want out of marriage? Right. And if you don't, if you're not, if your marriage isn't where you want it, what are you doing to get it there? Because you have the power to do it. So I want, I want you to feel like you have the most kind wife, the most beautiful wife, the most wonderful. I want you to feel like, man, I am the man in my house. I want you to feel like I will do anything for you. I want you to feel like, man, my wife, she'll submit and do anything I ask her to do. You know, my wife's intelligent. She's smart, she's not a fool. I want you to feel respected by me, honored by me. I want you to feel like you can trust me for anything. I just want you to be happy. Like you are happy and fulfilled as a husband. And I want to continue to grow with that. And since I know that's what I want, I'm gonna do what I need to do to get us there. And that means I want a healthy sex life. I want to be happy with you as well. So my thoughts are going to be the seeds that produce everything in my life. If I can control my thoughts, um, I'm going to plant seeds for the life that I want. And so those thoughts are like I love my husband. Um, a lot of women have problems or I don't necessarily problems or difficulties wanting to be intimate with their husbands, wanting to have sex. Um, I overcame those issues by saying, I like my husband. I'm attracted to my husband. I find my husband um very sexy. He's very handsome. I love to um be with my husband. Like I feed myself the right thoughts. I feed myself the right seeds to produce the harvest that I want in my life. Does that make sense?

Ken Claytor 17:14

I hope they're getting it because it's not that it happened naturally, it happens very intentionally to continue to steward the garden of her heart.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Yes.

Ken Claytor 17:23

And she's growing fruit in a relationship because she is stewarding the garden of her heart. It's not like I'm those things, because that same woman, she could look at me as slothful, lazy. Um, I leave my stuff around. She could focus on those things, and then that would affect our intimacy. She has chosen to steward the garden of her heart in a way that will bring about the kind of fruit that she wants. But here's the key, and I do the same for her. The problem that many marriages have is that your waiting will say, I would do that if he would do this, or I would do that if she would do this. It's almost like you're tick for tat. And it's like you're saying, Well, I would treat man. So if I had a guy who's listening, if I had a wife who thought of me like that, well, then I would treat her this way. That ain't the way it works, Bubba. Right. You have to do your part. So it's like she's cultivating that. I'm cultivating this. Even if I wasn't doing my part, she's still doing her part. Y'all got that? It's very important. Yeah. It's very, very important. And so, because of the way you think about your spouse this, the way you think about your spouse determines how patient you are, it determines how kind you are, it determines how attracted to them you feel, how safe you feel around them, how connected you feel around them. And if you continue to criticize your spouse internally, you'll slowly stop seeing the good in them. And whatever you stop seeing, you stop appreciating. And when you stop appreciating your spouse, the relationship takes a sharp dip on the decline. And so if there's someone who's, you know, listening or watching this married to someone um who maybe doesn't know how to defend, maybe is a just a fault finder, what would you have any advice for them at all?

How To Respond To Criticism

Tabatha Claytor 19:12

Uh I I think we gave plenty. It starts with your thoughts. Look at look at your spouse and find something good. Make a literal list.

Ken Claytor 19:19

No, I mean, if they are married to a fault finder.

Tabatha Claytor 19:21

If they're married to a fault finder, um what would you say?

Ken Claytor 19:23

So I'm married to somebody that's always calling out my wrongs. They don't build me up, they tear me down, they don't defend me. You know what I'm saying?

Tabatha Claytor 19:32

Um, probably a few things. Start in prayer.

Ken Claytor 19:36

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 19:36

Take it to God.

Ken Claytor 19:37

I think that's a answer for a lot. Uh we minimize prayer, but you gotta start. Yeah, I need God's help in this.

Tabatha Claytor 19:42

God will give you discernment. He will give you, it's like he will decode your spouse for you. Okay, they say this because of this. It's like I it if it were me, I would say, Lord, help me. Why are they fault-finding? Show me the root.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor 20:01

What is it that they're doing? And then I'm going to pray about that root. If it's maybe they had some type of traumatic experience in their past, maybe this is their second marriage and they haven't been healed from the first one and you didn't know it until you got married. And now you're here. We're not pointing fingers here, okay? We shouldn't. Um, but Lord, give me the root of this and you go to war for your spouse. Yeah. Okay. I come against that spirit of depression. I come against that generational curse, not in my house. I take authority and dominion. I declare that my spouse will be who God has created them to be. You get out the anointing oil, you declare and decree every single day. You're going to see, because you're shifting things in the spirit realm. And eventually it'll show up in the natural.

Ken Claytor 20:45

Well, I think that's the challenge. When some people hear pray, they're just like, oh Lord, it's a little baby prayer. No. You're talking about warfare. You're talking about intercessory prayer, binding and loose-ling prayer, prayers of command, power and authority, prophecy. There's a lot of spiritual growth that needs to happen for a marriage to be really healthy and good. But I'm reminded of a couple scriptures. First Peter chapter four and eight, it says love covers a multitude of sins. When it comes to defending your spouse, love covers, not exposed. I love that. It doesn't mean that you ignore issues, it means that you don't magnify them.

Tabatha Claytor 21:19

Yeah. I love, I love that love covers. But when I think about you and even myself, I am grateful that you cover me in where I need to be covered. So I'm not a perfect person. Right. And we could get on this podcast and blast each other, like, oh, you do da-da-da-da. Like, first of all, I'm not keeping a list. I'm not fault finding to write down. Like, I don't, you know, I I can't even remember fake. Like I have to go deep and say, okay, where does he where does he make me mad, you know, angry or whatever? Um, it is really just special to me that we can cover each other like that.

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 21:57

There are so many times where we counsel. Couples and they are nitpicking and fault finding. Well, he does that, this, and he does that, and she is dirty or she doesn't clean and she doesn't cook and he doesn't do that. It's like, oh my gosh, really? That that's what you're you know upset about.

Ken Claytor 22:16

And they could be there's a legitimate challenges.

Tabatha Claytor 22:19

Yeah. I mean, they're they're legitimate, but but let's cover each other.

Ken Claytor 22:25

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor 22:25

You know what I mean? Let's maybe deal with one or two of those bigger issues and let's just cover each other in the other things.

Ken Claytor 22:32

Here's the answer for somebody. I just feel like you got to be a master ignorer. There are some things that you just need to ignore. I think sometimes we don't sweat the small stuff. Yeah, we make a mountain out of a mohill. And I even learned that like raising teenagers. Like, I'm not gonna be able to punish them and check everything. It's not like what music you listen to, who called you, where are you going? What are you thinking? Like, oh my God, Dad, can you just back off me so I can think? You I need to triage, which is a medical term that means I'm gonna focus on the major thing. And I think many times in marriage, we highlight little things instead of just focusing on the major things. There's two or three major things. Ignore everything else. Okay, the dishes aren't done. Ignore that. Okay, the car's not clean. Ignore that. Okay, the car's on E. Ignore that. Okay, the shoes are not put away. Ignore that. Okay, there's a lot that you can't ignore. Yeah. And there's a power in ignoring things. And that's what love does. It covers a multitude. Proverbs 17 and 9, it says, Whoever covers an offense seeks love. So covering doesn't mean enabling, it means choosing unity over nitpicking.

Tabatha Claytor 23:42

Yeah.

Ken Claytor 23:42

I just choose unity over nitpicking. Good principle. Um, Philippians 4.8 says, Whatever is true, noble, right, think about these things. So defending yourself starts in your thought life. Your thought life matters. So if you ever have a thought life that is condescending, that is negative, that's going down, you gotta say, oh no, that's wrong. Think on things that are lovely, pure, good rapport. Think on these things. And then it creates closeness in our relationship, defending each other. Here's the truth: you don't fall out of love suddenly, you think your way out of love. And fault finding creates distance. Even when nothing big is wrong,

Love Covers And Ignore The Small

Ken Claytor 24:27

it's a slow drip.

SPEAKER_01 24:28

Right.

Ken Claytor 24:29

And so here's some signs you've become a fault finder. You rarely give compliments, you expect to be annoyed, you assume negative intent.

Tabatha Claytor 24:40

You're annoyed before the annoyance happens.

Ken Claytor 24:42

You're annoyed, I'm bringing it up. You mentally rehearse complaints, you feel irritated more than appreciative. You focus on what's missing, not what you have. You talk about your spouse more than to them, you feel emotionally superior to them, you're easily triggered, and you stopped celebrating their growth. And uh, if those bear witness with you, you can renounce and repent and say, God forgive me. Somehow, some way, I've torn I'm tearing them down inwardly. And so here's some steps of how to defend your spouse to yourself. Number one, you gotta catch the thought. Notice when criticism starts internally. Number two, replace irritation with interpretation. Ask what else could be true? Okay, they're leaving the dishes out. Is it because they're just sloppy, good for nothing, or it's because they're overwhelmed, overworked, trying to provide for the family. Uh number three, speak grace internally, defend them in your mind before correcting them in real life. Number four, separate behavior from identity. They're not the problem. The issue is the issue. Don't make it a part of who they are. It's just an issue. Number five, practice daily gratitude. List three things they did right. You know, I start every day with five things that I'm thankful for to God. Every day I start with five things that I'm thankful for, and I write down it has to be a different five things. It can't be the same five things. So I start off my day actually looking for things that I'm grateful for. It puts my heart in the right posture and position before the Lord. Number six, address issues directly, not mentally. Don't stew, communicate. You know, open up your mouth. Don't and don't, you can ask probing questions. Don't attack verbally. Number seven, stop comparing. Comparison poisons contentment. Many times you tear people down because you're comparing your spouse to somebody else. Number eight is remember their humanity, their person.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

Right.

Ken Claytor 26:55

They have flaws, but you do too. They have weaknesses, but you do too. Remember their humanity. Number nine is pray for your spouse. It's hard to criticize somebody you're praying for. That's so true. That's so true. And number 10, choose love intentionally. Love is not just a feeling, it's a choice. And we got to intentionally love. Anything you want to add to that?

Tabatha Claytor 27:17

Uh no, I I will say number one, you said you catch capture those negative thoughts to catch those thoughts. And, you know, the scripture says that we could call every thought captive.

Ken Claytor 27:28

That's what it says.

Tabatha Claytor 27:29

Call every thought captive into the obedience of Christ Jesus. And so we do have a responsibility to not just let negative thoughts in our mind. Um, and so we catch those thoughts. And no, and the way you do that is no, my husband is not a slob. My husband is wonderful. I love him.

Ken Claytor 27:49

Well, you open up your mouth because words

Ten Steps To Stop Fault Finding

Ken Claytor 27:51

are more powerful than that.

Tabatha Claytor 27:52

Yes, yes.

Ken Claytor 27:53

So basically, you have a negative thought, open up your mouth and say the opposite. Words are more powerful than that.

Tabatha Claytor 27:58

Yes. And that's part of spiritual warfare is speaking out of your mouth, calling those cat those thoughts captive into the obedience of Christ.

Ken Claytor 28:06

Yeah. And so, people of God, let's defend the person that you said I do too and build them up in your mind and what to watch what God does. We're out of time for

Closing And Resources

Ken Claytor 28:16

today. We hope you enjoyed today's podcast. We always love being with you. Just know that you're not alone. Us, our team, we're praying for you. Uh, let us know how you've been enjoying this journey together. You know, over on our website, we have a new book. We have some masterclasses, we have some boot camps. I think we got some products and some tools that will bring benefit to your life. So please go over to our website and check out what we have. And um, they make great Christmas gifts, birthday gifts, and all that kind of stuff. Um, it we're coming up on our 27th anniversary, which is what we celebrate on July the 3rd. So if our marriage has blessed your marriage, let us know. We would love to know it. You can email us, you can comment below, and make sure that you like, subscribe, and share today's content. Until next Thursday, we love you and we'll see you soon. Peace.