Doing Life with Ken and Tabatha

Five Practical Ways To Care For Your Husband With Faith And Respect

• Ken Claytor and Tabatha Claytor

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What if the next breakthrough in your marriage is something simple you can do this week at home, not a huge speech or a dramatic reset? We sit down for a Valentine’s week conversation that gets practical fast, sharing five real-world ways a wife can care for her husband in a way that changes the atmosphere of the whole house.

We start with honor, because respect is not fluff, it is fuel. From how you greet each other to the tiny “family culture” moments like dinner routines and even the last piece of cake, we talk about how honor communicates value and helps a man feel safe, seen, and welcomed at home. We also address a common tension: when home management turns into control. We share why family meetings matter, how to get buy-in on rules, and why a husband’s need to decompress is not rejection, it is often how he resets to lead and love well.

Then we lean into service, including Tabatha’s “Ken’s night” idea, and how serving each other builds momentum instead of scorekeeping. We also talk candidly about intimacy, why “enjoy sex often” is a relationship principle, and why many husbands feel deeply loved when a wife initiates sometimes. We close with a truth that gets missed in so many marriage conversations: caring for yourself is caring for your marriage, because your health, confidence, and emotional stability affect the entire home.

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Alive Conference 2026 Invitation

Ken Claytor

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Why This Conversation Returns

Ken Claytor

now. Hey everybody, before we jump into today's episode, we wanted to bring back one of our most watched conversations on doing life with Ken and Tabitha. This episode really connected with so many people, and we believe it still has something powerful to say today. So whether you're watching it for the first time or revisiting it again, lean in and enjoy this episode.

Valentine’s Week Warm Up

Ken Claytor

Hey, hey, hey, what's up, everybody? Hey everyone. Welcome to another edition of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha. This is the Valentine's Day week edition, right here. There is some love in the atmosphere. Of course, I'm here with Tabitha. We've been married for 24 years at this point. It's been the best 22 years of my life.

Tabatha Claytor

Come on, babe.

Ken Claytor

But um, we're getting better and better as time goes along. And I would like to just say happy Valentine's Day. And I would also like to publicly ask, will you be my Valentine?

Tabatha Claytor

Oh, that is so sweet and unexpected. You're so sweet.

Ken Claytor

Is the answer yes?

Tabatha Claytor

Yes, you are. I am your forever Valentine's Forever Valentine.

Ken Claytor

Yes. So I hope you guys had a great day on yesterday. And uh we got a lot of great things we're gonna share with you on the day. We actually, today's segment is called Five Ways to Care for Your Husband. We were gonna call it Five Ways to Take Care of Your Man. But uh we like to keep it. Tomato tomato. But you're a specialist in this, and I just think it's gonna help a wife, it's gonna help a woman really understand some things that can fun to take care of her man.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, it's gonna be fun. But listen, before we get into it, I want to say thank you to everyone out there for tuning in. We appreciate you so much, and we are just blessed to be able to be a blessing that our lives can impact you, motivate you, help you, that you can learn from our mistakes. And listen, I wanted to read this one testimony that came

A Listener Story That Hits Home

Tabatha Claytor

in. Um, and this is from Kara Lopez. I don't know if I'm saying that right, 57. But she says, I think it's, I'm assuming she, thank you guys so much for all of your content. Exclamation mark, exclamation mark. I had been asking God to help me and show me what I need to see, and then your videos started showing up for me, and you've helped me so much. I even started playing your video loud in front of my boyfriend one day, and now he listens to you too. Exclamation mark. This is all so helpful to us, not having parents on the on either side to show us truly how to live a god in a godly way. You've been like parents for us, and we couldn't be more thankful. What a blessing! How sweet is that! Thank you so much for writing in, and it's such an honor to be a part of your life.

Eyes Wide Open About Marriage

Ken Claytor

Before you say I do, you should ask the question, Do I?

Tabatha Claytor

Storms are going to come. Since they're going to come, you need to know what to do when they come. You need to be prepared.

Ken Claytor

We want to pay for the tools that you need to have a successful relationship.

Tabatha Claytor

This is the time that you say, Am I doing the right thing? And when you decide that you're doing the right thing, you will know it at year five, at year ten, at year thirty.

Ken Claytor

You'll be able to go back and say, No, I entered into this sky's wide open. I had confirmation, I had mentorship. But I gotta learn to love what God loves and hate what God hates. God hates divorce. And you gotta put it in your heart right now. This is gonna be something that we hate.

Tabatha Claytor

The Bible also calls marriage a holy institution.

Ken Claytor

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

And so this institution that we enter into, it is holy. It is to be upheld.

Ken Claytor

Satan hates anything that God's established. God's established marriage, he's established family. Satan wants to do everything he can. So if you think that you're fighting now, you're gonna fight a whole lot later. What we've done over the last 25 years is we've done everything together. Together. Because there is power in agreement. We're just asking you to get eyes wide open. If we don't put God in front of this relationship, it might not be built to last. But are you ready for the show today, sweetheart?

Tabatha Claytor

Let's go.

Why Five Ways Matter

Tabatha Claytor

Let's go. I am ready.

Ken Claytor

Today is five ways to take care. Everybody say take care.

Tabatha Claytor

Take care.

Ken Claytor

To take care of your husband. And like I said, we've been married for 24 years. And my running joke is that it's been the best 22 years of my life because the first two years, it was bad. It was bad. Um, and I usually say, um, now that you got yourself together, things are a whole lot better. And you know, every joke has like half truth to it. Yeah and there are elements of truth. But if I was serious, there was a season when we when our marriage was headed for the divorce that you decided to be the hero in the home. There was specific things that you did to win my heart. There was specific things you did to create the right atmosphere in the home. There was specific things that you did that got my attention and moved me from going that route way to going the right way. And I wanted just to take a segment today and just let you share the principles with women around the world, with wives that just want to be the best wives that they can be. We are here, we are ready for you to fry us, we are your egg.

Tabatha Claytor

That's so funny. Uh yeah, okay, so yeah, let's just get into it. Let's talk about it. Let's do it. So I have five ways to take care of your husband. And, you know, I'll just say up front that this is my perspective. Okay, you know, and it's not the only five ways, but there are just five principles maybe that I apply to our marriage. And some of them have been, you know, like tested and proven. Okay. You know, because like I've learned the hard way, all of that stuff. But I want to start with number one. Or, or actually, let me say this, because this happened just recently. We went to see a movie. Um, we had a date night, we went out with some pastors, and um, we went downtown Orlando and saw a live play. And it was about a woman who um was on Broadway, all of this stuff. She was a of a a big, a big to-do, right? And they're telling the story of her relationship where she falls in love with a man, and the man just comes out there in kind of an argument, and he says, Because I love you. And she's like, Oh, you love me. And he immediately then she immediately says back to him, let's get married. And then she goes on and on about getting married and living in this happily ever after life. And at that moment, I felt like, oh my goodness, this is going to end up badly. This is not gonna be right. She already made a major mistake in that. She just jumped the gun, like he just said, I love you. And she's like, she didn't even give him the opportunity to propose, to go ring shopping, to tell his friends and family about her, to do anything. She just, let's get married. And then they fast forward, you know, they get married. And all throughout their marriage, they're getting into arguments because there's a power struggle going on in their relationship. She's famous and wealthy. She doesn't need him to provide for her. And so, but he wants to be a man. He wants to provide for his family. He doesn't need to make more money than her, he just wants to provide. He just wants to make decisions. But she would come in, and at one point, she just had a baby, and she wanted him to stay home and take care of the baby. She didn't want him to go to work and do his thing, she wanted him to stay home and take care of the baby.

Ken Claytor

While she went at work, yeah. She was very wealthy, she was a wealthy singer, but he was kind of dying on the inside.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, and it was, and I'm saying, I'm I'm just saying there's all kinds of perspective, but I'm giving a perspective here. And yet on the inside, he will he's like, Yeah, you know, he would gladly stay home and take care of the baby, but there's something inside of him as a man. He wants to go and put his hands to the plow, he wants to work. And so, anyway, to fast forward it there, marriage ended in divorce. And um, so it wasn't, you know, the happiest ending, but I knew from the beginning of the movie this is how it's going to go down.

Ken Claytor

And what was your point that you wanted to do?

Tabatha Claytor

My point is she did not know how to take care of her man.

Ken Claytor

Oh, yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

All throughout.

Ken Claytor

Uh-huh. Yeah, there was a lot of mistakes that she made, but they haven't seen the show, so they don't know if she's gonna be able to do that. I know, I know, I know. But that's what we want to prevent. We want to help, you know, and we'll do another one with husbands. So please, y'all, y'all, y'all, we're we're coming. We'll we'll do one with husbands, how do you take care of your wife? But today, we want to be a blessing. We want to be a lifeline, we want to help you because the woman to me has such a power. And a lot of women don't know the power or they use their power in a destructive way. And that wife, she has such an anointing and a power to be able to create an atmosphere that resembles heaven, to be able to build him up or tear him down, to be able to encourage him or discourage him. And I tell people all the time, especially those looking to get into ministry, I'm like, you got to be careful who you marry. Especially, I mean, I'm telling you, if people say, Well, I feel a call of God on my life. I always look at their spouse and I see um how mature is their spouse, because who you m who you marry does matter. Wow. There's a law called the law of the lid. And sometimes you can be have this great call and want to do some great things, but if you marry someone who's down here, you're gonna put yourself under that lid. So I need you just to help us because I I feel like this is an area that you get an A plus in. Oh you get an A plus in. Now you could be doing a little bit better right now, but you're kind of running around trying to handle all kinds of things, and that's another conversation. We have some family meetings that we need to have people. But for the most part, I know your heart. Your heart is to take care of your man. Can you just share with us these five things?

Honor Him In The Home

Tabatha Claytor

Yes. Okay. Number one, honor him in the home.

Ken Claytor

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

Honor him in the home. I feel like, you know, honor is a big thing for me. I will even throw like honor, respect.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah.

Tabatha Claytor

In my experience, um, the man needs to be honored in his own home. When he comes home, he needs to feel like this is his house. I like for my man to feel like he is the king of the castle. You know, every I and I'm just saying, gener in, you know, in general, men want to be the king of their castle. You know, they want to come home and they want to feel like they have a say-so in their own house. And I feel like so that honor thing is big for me. Um, I do little things, and every person is different, but I do little things to just help you feel like, okay, you have a place in this house and you're honored when you come home. When our kids were smaller, even now, when you walk through the door and they're just laying down eating or watching TV or whatever, like I've trained them to acknowledge the fact that your daddy, that your father just walked through the door. Hey, dad, how you doing today? Girls, get up, give them a hug, give them a kiss, you know, son, even sons, get up and give your daddy a hug, you know, welcome him home. Um, so things like that. Uh, little things like um, you know, uh when you when you eat, when we have dinner, basically every day, you know, we have a family dinner together. And um, I let the kids know, like, okay, wait, we're all gonna wait till daddy comes down because you're usually in the office somewhere and everyone's doing stuff. And so I get on Alexa and I'm like, Alexa, announce it's time to eat. So everyone comes down to the kitchen. We don't pray and bless the food until daddy gets here. Where's daddy? You know what I mean? So when you get down in the kitchen, we all wait, we bless the food, and then they know because kids will eat everything, they will just they will just demolish everything in sight.

Ken Claytor

And so very selfish, very self-centered.

Tabatha Claytor

Don't what they want to do is grab their food and take all the, you know, and it's like, but we don't have anything, it's tore up. No, they know wait. I'm going to get daddy's plate and I'm going to serve daddy first. Okay. Now, everyone might not do that. I know people who don't, you know, the man comes and serves a wife, but in my house, that's what I like to do. That's what we talk about. But you like that too in your house. You like that honor and respect that I give to you. Yes, amen. And so, and it's my love language too. So I like, I serve your plate. Um we learned, you know, some things I learned the hard way too, like a a while ago, maybe years ago now, because you don't even cake like you don't eat cake like that anymore.

SPEAKER_06

But there was a time when I would bake cakes.

Tabatha Claytor

I would bake a cake weekly because if there wasn't a piece of cake for you to eat at night before you went to bed, you did not like it. But the kids, they would eat the cake. And I mean, months went by, and at the end of the day, you would come home and be like, Where who ate the last piece of cake? And I'm like, oh Lord, somebody ate the last piece of cake. So then I made the kids, hey, do there is a rule in our house to this day, they will not eat the last piece of cake, the last cupcake, the last cookie, the last piece of pie without coming to ask daddy because that I mean that's just what it is. Anyway, they're little things, but I want you to feel honored in your own home. You know, like can I come home, please open up the refrigerator and get a drink without having it emptied out because everyone else came in to get their stuff. There's just little things that I like to pay attention to what you like.

Ken Claytor

Well, first off, I would say thank you for that. You're welcome. Because it does make me feel it does make me feel good, it makes me feel valued, it makes me feel loved, and it does make me feel honored. And and you know, the Bible, because I go back to the with the word of God with everything, it says that the wife should honor her husband or reverence her husband, just like um uh oh you do benevolence. I think we owe each other benevolence and we owe each other honor.

SPEAKER_07

Absolutely.

Ken Claytor

But I think it's important for wives to know that God has hard hardwired a man to um to receive honor. But I would ask this question why do you think that's hard for some women? Because even as I'm saying this, I almost feel some woman's flesh kind of rising like, but he don't honor me, and why do I have to do that? I don't want to build up his ego. And for some reason, and I saw this back in the day, like in the old school church, if they had a pastor, they would almost want their pastor to go through. If he got a nice Cadillac, people get upset that he had a new car. It was almost like they wanted to keep him humble, they wanted to keep him low, they wanted to keep him poor, not knowing that you can't go beyond the head. And so they actually wanted to tear him down. And I think there's some wives in the home that they would rather tear down their husband because they don't want him to get the big head. I don't want him to think that he's all that. And actually you're hurting yourself by tearing him down instead of building him up. Yeah, but I don't know. What's your perspective on that?

Tabatha Claytor

I think that is something that most of us have been taught or heard somewhere along the line, whether it was from a family member or a TV show or something we've heard in the world, is that we need to keep people humble. And that is not a godly principle, though. Um, God does not do things like that to I mean, God will humble us, but it's not like we don't have to control control, manipulate, yeah.

Ken Claytor

They have to be humble by their own.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, and and as for me, you know, the Bible does um teach that you reap what you sow.

SPEAKER_06

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

And I do what I do as seeds because I want you to treat me the same way. Um, but then also um I don't know. I just feel like it is something that oh no, I forgot what I was gonna say.

Ken Claytor

It's okay. Um, I mean, I I think it's so good. I mean, to me, honor, um, I I just feel like we need to hear more teaching on honor. We need to do more study on honor because honor is not a position of weakness. It takes an um a very mature person to deflect honor because a lot of people they want honor for themselves. I want to be built up, I want to be on a pedestal, I want this, that, and other. But what you're saying is that you're sowing honor. So one of the reasons that I honor you so much, and I'm always talking about honoring your wife, serving your wife, submitting to one another. I want to make your dreams come to pass, is because that is the harvest of the seed that you've been sowing. Now, you could flip it around and say, it's the harvest of the seed that I've been sowing.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah.

Ken Claytor

But I don't know who's sowing more or who's sowing first. All I know is that I like my harvest and you like yours. And I'm really trying to help somebody who just feels like, no, he got to do it for me before I do it for him, and it's an eye for an eye. No, why don't you sow there before you can go there? And there's just something about a man's heart that will be transformed and changed when you just decide to honor him. I just, I don't know. I I would tell any wife, just make up something this week just to honor your husband, build him up, encourage him, and just watch what it does on the inside, watch his response to that.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, I think, I mean, yeah, that's that's all I did. And you know, you we said at the beginning of the podcast, like the first two years were terrible. And then you mentioned me being the hero in the home. I don't know. I don't really think I was the hero. I was just a person who I did my part. Like the marriage was terrible. 50% of it was because of me. And I had to get myself together. And once I got myself together, it was just like, okay, let me get my marriage together. And so what I was doing was making decisions based on the word of God to serve my man and love you and build you up so that I can have the relationship that I want. But I found in that, because of the biblical principles, that when I was good to you, you were good to me.

Ken Claytor

Come on, let's do that.

Tabatha Claytor

And you know, when I lifted you up, you had lifted me up.

Ken Claytor

No, flip that thing. I'm gonna do good to you because you've been good to me. And I'm gonna just keep doing good no matter what you do, though. But we can go on and on with that. Can you give us number two?

Make Space Without Controlling

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, okay. Number two is create space for him in the home.

Ken Claytor

Create space.

Tabatha Claytor

Figuratively and legally literally. Okay, so create space, meaning, okay, so um, I guess, you know, whenever you come into your own home, I think that it's really easy for um the woman, and I'll speak for myself. We have so many rules, and we decorate the house and we put, you know, we design the house, we do everything the way we want it to be, that sometimes the man can come home and we treat you like one of the kids, or you have so many rules. So when you come home, I believe that a man wants to come home and feel like this is my house. Like I said, I'm the king of this castle, not to degrade the woman because you're the queen.

Ken Claytor

Yeah, I feel like we have to add a lot of disclaimers there, but I but no, it's true. Like, listen, we're together. What mine is yours and what yours is mine. But there is something that's valuable about a man coming home and feeling like, man, I'm taking care of the kids.

Tabatha Claytor

And like I said, I do this, I say this because this is trial and error.

Ken Claytor

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

I have been at a point where I had so many rules set because maybe I was taking care of the kids and I was working and I was trying to do ministry. So I'm like, okay, I got the master plan. This is how I'm gonna do stuff, you know. And so, Ken, here's the rules, you just obey these rules and you just do what you gotta do. So when you come home, you feel like, man, you're not even welcome in your own home.

Ken Claytor

Because Well, it's twofold. I mean, one, I do like when you take care of everything domestically. Uh-huh. I'm actually in a season right now. I was just thinking this morning that man, our next family meeting, I want to have a little conversation about needing some domestic help here and there because I'm in a season where I'm feeling more weight and more pressure, and then it kind of bleeds over to domestic stuff. So there's a part of me that just loves it when you just kind of have it so controlled. I'm just like, okay, well, she moved the couch around, but it looks good, and she won't move to TV. Like, my wife is a mover of stuff. I do. And she's stronger than me.

Tabatha Claytor

But you've given me permission to do that.

Ken Claytor

I mean, she will go and you she will move a piece of furniture that should not be moved by one person on a while. And I'll be like, How did you do that? Did you not blow out your back?

Tabatha Claytor

Did you have 10 guys come over and only pray and the angels of the Lord help me? I am not lying.

Ken Claytor

So, anyway, what I'm saying is that she starts to move stuff that probably should not be moved. But I've given my wife like the green light, she can change whatever she wants to change in house, decor it any way she wants to decor it. So there's a part of me that likes that. But then the other side is that I just never want to be treated like a kid. That is a big annoyance for me. So if you start talking to me like a tone or an angle as if I'm 10 or 12 like the kids, that's the part that I don't like. So I understand what you're saying about the rules and everything. And so I don't know.

Tabatha Claytor

It's just, and it takes conversation as well, and it's observation. And sometimes it's trial and error. Like I said, you never came to me and told me, like, quit, you know, treat me like the kids. Maybe you did.

Ken Claytor

Here and there I would say, Hey, don't, don't, don't talk to me like a kid.

Tabatha Claytor

Um, and so that you know, trial and error, but I found that okay, let me back off a little bit. Um, one of the things that I found that really help is that, so you know, we have rules and you need rules. Um, but some of the rules I would just make up and not let you know about it. And so you would come home and I'm like, take off your shoes. It's a new rule. Everybody has to take off their shoes in the house. And then you're like just like, yes, ma'am. And I'm like, don't put them there, put them over here. Take it, you know, like don't leave your briefcase there. I put it in a different like, you know, I'm barking all of these rules at you. But what I found is okay, that was a mistake. Don't do that, because that doesn't turn out. Nice. Yeah. But when we have a family meeting, we can sit down together and I say, hey, babe, I would like to make these rules because of these reasons. And we talk one another. And now it's not my rules that you have to obey like one of the kids. It's our rules.

Ken Claytor

Well, that is a principle right there for any team or any organization. It's what we call buy-in. So even as a senior leader, if I come to my staff and I'm like, hey guys, we're going to do this and we're going to do that and we're going to do that. There's a percentage of early adapters that are like, yeah, let's go. Then we got the mid-adapters, like, I'm not sure. Then we got the late adapters. They're like, I don't see it at all. And so as a leader, my job is to get buy-in. And so as a wife, what you're trying not to do is go in and just bark orders, but you're presenting them in a way, this is what I'd like to do and why. Because then it's not your rules, it's our rules. And I just feel like it's important that when we have talked. But you're there's a what we're just saying is like high level because you got to have family meetings, you gotta have communication, and we're trickling on down to agreement, you know. But I think it's it's important.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, absolutely.

Ken Claytor

But I will say this. Can I say this before you jump where you're gonna go? I feel like the Holy Spirit is saying that there are some wives who love our podcast, and it's time for them to invite their husbands to start watching this podcast as well. You know, I know that we have a great majority of women and wives who are listening and watching, but it's really time for them to invite the men that are in their lives because there are men, and men need this even more than women sometimes. We need principles, we need mentorship, and we don't even know it. And there are many men that are out there and they're doing everything, and they're first generation. They didn't have a father, they didn't have a husband to look at, and some of them did, but it wasn't a good example. And they need modern mentorship of principles that work for today's marriage. And so I just want to invite you guys to start to invite the men in your life to tune into this podcast because there are um God's given me an anointing for men. Like I can help, because I'm a I'm a man's man. I love talking to men. I can I I can help um men on how to think, how to grow, finance, provision, how to, how, how to build stuff, so forth and so on. And so let's make sure that we do that. I feel like I got that from the moment.

Tabatha Claytor

It's just like the person who wrote in, she just played it out loud. You know, just put it on the TV screen throughout the day when you're cleaning the house and you know, let your husband hear it. And, you know, it's it's good stuff.

Ken Claytor

And for all my men who's been tuning in, love you guys. Let's keep up the good work. What else you got for us today?

Tabatha Claytor

Okay, so make space for him.

Ken Claytor

And this is good, by the way. Thank you. Good, good.

Tabatha Claytor

Make space for him um figuratively, you know. Um, one thing I would say about that too is also paying attention to what you like. This kind of goes into honor and making space. Okay. It's like paying attention to what you like. Yes. So, like you like basketball, and I know you like it. I do. And so when the game comes on, I turn on the game on the TV. So when you walk in the door, you know, you're watching the game. Or if it's like, you know, uh Sunday afternoon and the kids are playing, and you know, when the kids were growing up, sometimes they're watching all of these cartoons cartoons and stuff like that. No, we're not gonna do it. Yeah, I don't let the kids take over. Daddy's in the house, let's put on the basketball game. I teach the kids basketball. We all just partake in it as a family.

Ken Claytor

Yeah, you I um some of what we're talking about, because we don't go over these things many times before we have the podcast. You're reminding me of how you have woven these principles through our home. And as you're talking, I'm thinking, like, yeah, when I come in, no one fights me over what to watch.

SPEAKER_07

Right.

Ken Claytor

I can watch whatever I want to watch, like whatever daddy wants to watch is what we're gonna watch. And I'm not a I'm not a bonehead either. Like, I'm like, I'm not trying to take over all the time. I'm always like, well, I'm letting everybody do whatever they want to do, but God knows that it's um it's good that you've set that culture.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, and if you're not careful, and I know like the kids, you know, kids cam. I'm talking a lot about kids because before we had kids, I just set the house. Like I knew what you like, and I didn't have three kids to care for 24-7. So it was all about you. And I did so much for you at that time. You miss those times. I know.

Ken Claytor

We're gonna kick these kids out, we're gonna get back there. We'll get there one day.

Tabatha Claytor

I love my kids, but like even our kids now, like there's a place that you sit at at our table, at the kitchen table. There is a place. There is your seat. Jesus. And you know, other people might not care, but in my house, there's a seat that you set. You sit at the head of the table. She wants to go in your seat. And I have to, and like just like the day before yesterday, I had to go and tell her because you weren't home yet. Why are you sitting in your daddy's seat? Get like I'm I make because there's a seed of honor that I'm trying to sew. Like, go get get out of the seat. He's coming. Let it be ready for him.

Ken Claytor

And we're jokingly telling you this because I think that this kid right here just likes to be where we are. It's almost like she is probably a leader in the making and going to be.

SPEAKER_02

It's it's out of love.

Ken Claytor

But it's like, if it's mine, she wants it. If it's yours, she wants it. She will take your hair stuff, she will sit in your seat, she will act like you are not there, and it's just like, oh my God. So I see you. I mean, this is like a weekly conversation. Get out of Daddy Seat, get out of Daddy Seat, get your own seat. And it's almost like, why even sit there? Like she'll come start looking around, like, you know, you're not supposed to.

Tabatha Claytor

I think she likes that just for us to be like move.

unknown

I don't know.

Tabatha Claytor

She likes the tough love.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. But it's a principle.

Tabatha Claytor

Um, yeah, but anyway, that's just honor and respect in your home, making space for you in the home. And then literally making space. So, like, I found that um for you as a man, there's times where you just want to be alone. You don't want to talk to anyone, whether it's five minutes, ten minutes, an hour, a couple hours. You just need your thinking space, your private time.

Ken Claytor

Give us perspective on that.

Tabatha Claytor

The perspective is, and I hear this like, I need my private time too. But honestly, I go in my bathroom, I take a bath. I like as a woman in my house, I I know where to go. I would literally hide from our kids when they were younger, okay, and just be like, okay, I need five minutes. But as a man, I just make sure, or as as a wife, I make sure that you have a space that's yours. Now, right now you have a, you know, you used to have an office where it was just like all yours. But right now I have a space where it's like your office.

Ken Claytor

And you set that space up for me.

Tabatha Claytor

And I made it specifically for you.

Ken Claytor

And she comes and she'll put all of my cell phone wires, all of my laptop wires so that I don't have to look for anything.

Tabatha Claytor

Well, I know you don't do that down. I organize everything.

Ken Claytor

You organize everything for me. All your pens are here, and I'll just walk in one day and she'll just have everything completely in order because she knows at the pace that my life goes, that's something that's a blessing to me.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, it's just like your personal assistant in the house. Like, okay, um, we moved into a new house. Okay, you're gonna need an area set up. And I asked you before, baby, what is it that you need? Will this function right for you? Okay, I think I'm gonna buy you a new one of these. This one's old. And I set it all up to you for you. But then there's also things like in our bedroom. I have a space for you in the bedroom. Like there's a couch, there's a TV, there's tables, the remote sits right here on your side of the bed, like everything. I have a couple spaces that are tailored just for you. You're preaching good. Um, but it's just because I want you to be able to come home and feel welcome in your home. I want you to feel honored and respected in your own home. And I want you to feel like it is a safe place for you. Like, I'm let just let me go here for like 10 minutes, put my feet up and relax. Now, some people might not have a separate office or den or a big bedroom or whatever, but you could have a chair with a stool that he can put his feet up on just for a few minutes, like make a space in the corner of the living room, someplace that could be his own. I found that for you, that works well for your mental health.

Ken Claytor

Um, so it works well for my ability to handle the weight and the pressure and the persecution that I'm under. It it gives me strength to go back out the doors and to win spoil to bring it home to my family. It gives me um the wind beneath my wing, so to say, to continue to be a spiritual leader in the home. It's just the breath of fresh air, and you create that atmosphere. And I think that wives have that power to do that.

Tabatha Claytor

Absolutely.

Ken Claytor

Um, I kind of parked for a minute on the part that you said that men have might not need five minutes or ten minutes to do nothing. And I kind of wanted to validate that a tad bit because that might seem strange. Yeah. And I think it's okay when we say men and women, we're talking in generalizations. There might be a woman who says, I need that too. Well, that's fine. But what I'm saying is that for a husband, just because he needs five, ten, fifteen, twenty minutes of just quiet time, doesn't mean that he's not connected. It doesn't mean that um he he doesn't want to give you affection or put you first in other areas. It means that he just needs time to almost um for me, it's almost like just give me time to think. Give me time to almost I I want to use the word like defrost or like what is the word when you're just like, okay, unload, unload, unwind for a minute, decompress, and then jump into it with the kids. And so the hardest part for me is sometimes when I'm out and I'm making all of these decisions, and then I come home, and then as soon as I walk in the door, there's kid decisions, homework decisions, family decisions, all these decisions. And it's like if I had a little bit of space to be like, give me like 20, 30 minutes to kind of unwind, maybe have some food, then I can kind of recharge to handle more responsibility and more decisions. And so I don't know what I'm hearing, what you're saying is that you protect my nothing box. That's not offensive to you. I'm just saying that for some women, that might be, I don't know if it's offensive or it might not understand.

Tabatha Claytor

It's it's you don't understand. And you know, I've been there and it's trial and error ladies, wives, and these are really like wives of you know, with young kids. You know, it's hard because when you come home, you have the kids running at you, and you got to make dinner or like whatever your responsibilities are, so you can feel like, well, I want a nothing box too. I want time for me too, but I don't have the ability to do that. It's just an adjustment. And now the Bible says that as wives, we have the ability to adapt.

SPEAKER_06

Right.

Tabatha Claytor

We are adaptable in any situation when it comes to our husbands, our family, and our family life. And so when I what I did is that I knew that when you come home, right, typically I would pick up the kids from daycare, right?

Ken Claytor

So you're kind of getting there, getting home first. Yeah, I'm getting away from the city. It's not saying that you're not working, it's not saying you don't have other responsibilities, it's just that you got home first.

Tabatha Claytor

I pick up the kids from daycare. And so in the car, you know, um, we come home. When I would get home, I would let the kids, because the kids I found were just like me. They just got home from a day of whether it's school or daycare or whatever, they just want to go to their rooms too and chill out and do nothing. And so what I would do was I already had pre-made snacks. The kids know go get a snack, and either they're gonna go to their rooms or like with their babies two and three and stuff, they would go. We had play pens. I would sit them in a playpen and I would turn on whatever their favorite TV show was. They didn't watch TV all day, but they might have 20 minutes or a 30-minute little show that I turned on and they had their snack and they ate and they played in their little, you know, playpen area. The child is safe and mommy is sitting down on the couch, mommy's having a cup of tea, mommy's doing whatever she wants to do, but I would build in those spaces for me. And then when daddy came home an hour later or whatever, daddy can come in, he can get a kiss from the kids, they go and they yit, because they're yay, daddy's home. You know, they give a kiss to daddy, and then daddy can go upstairs and do what he needs to do, just like mommy did. And if there were times where I feel like, you know what, this is just too much, I really need a break, babe. You know, go ahead when you come downstairs. Let me go upstairs for like 30 minutes. I need to take a hot bubble bath. Right. And we communicate and we plan those things. But as the wife, I have the ability to make all of that happen.

Ken Claytor

Amen. Um, let's for the sake of time, let's

Serve With Intention And Joy

Ken Claytor

let's keep it moving.

Tabatha Claytor

Okay, uh, number three, number three, easy peasy is to serve him.

Ken Claytor

Okay.

Tabatha Claytor

And um, you know, I love to serve. I don't think serving is something that's bad. I serve you. You talk to me serve me.

Ken Claytor

Give give it give the ladies, give the wives some examples of how they can serve their husband.

Tabatha Claytor

Well, I've given examples all throughout this podcast. Um, but particularly two things I want to talk about. Well, one thing really is Ken's night. Okay. And you know, it's so funny because I was just speaking um at an event a little while ago.

Ken Claytor

Oh God, we are due a Ken's night.

Tabatha Claytor

And let's just be around. You know, so so Ken's night was something that I established before I had children. Okay. Um, and it was back when we were getting our marriage together. I said, then it was a Tuesday night. I said, I'm gonna pick one night every week and I am going to serve my man. I'm gonna bless him. I'm going to give him a manicure, a pedicure. I mean, not everything in one night, but you know, one night it might be a mani petty, one night it might be a full body massage, one night it might be a little, you know, dancy dancey going on. It might be a dinner in a movie, it might be dessert, it could be like just anything. I would just pick things just to serve you, you know, and you alone. And so it ended up being amazing. I mean, I did it for years until we had a baby and it was just like once a month, and then just doesn't happen anymore.

Ken Claytor

And now we're kind of coming back.

Tabatha Claytor

But every once in a while I will break out like you know, like currently I have a massage table in this year.

Ken Claytor

I've gotten four maybe.

Tabatha Claytor

Yes, yes. It was my goal to do it every month, but I guess I fell off and forgot about it. Yeah, it's all good. Yeah, but I do have a massage table in our closet. I have a foot bath in our closet. Come on, let's break it out. So that whenever I, you know, want to give a make give a Ken's night, I can I whip it out real quick. I move the couch to the side, I put up my massage table, and I'm like, baby, light the candles.

Ken Claytor

Come on.

Tabatha Claytor

Um, you know, all of that.

Ken Claytor

What's the purpose or the why behind the Ken's night?

Tabatha Claytor

The why behind it was for me, I just like it when you feel like I have the best wife in the world.

Ken Claytor

Okay, let's pause right there. Because you dropping some good groceries today. Um, you like it when I feel like I have the best wife in the world. Yes. I would challenge, encourage a wife who's watching or listening to make their mind up that they want their husband to feel like they have the best wife in the world. And make a list of things that you can do to make him feel that way and do it even before he starts doing it for you and just watch how it changes things in the home, watch how it improves things in the home. But I like it that you like that, and I feel that way. I feel that way.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah. And you know, I'm just like a real Bible girl. I love the Bible. And um, when I think about, you know, um, was it Sarah in the Bible that called Abraham Lord, you know? And it's not like Lord, like God, Lord, but just as in like Sir, you know. Um it was a respect. It was out of respect and honor. And I just feel like that's what you should do.

Ken Claytor

You should call me Lord Ken.

Tabatha Claytor

And I you wouldn't. That's weird. I know you don't want me to do it. How far are you gonna take it? I don't know. Um, but um, I just like that, like that honor. I want to serve you, do it as unto the Lord. And so anyway, so that that is Ken's night. But I was uh a lady came up to me um just like a a little while ago, and she was like, I went out and bought a massage table because she's doing, I forget her husband's name, but she is doing a you know Ken's night for her husband.

Ken Claytor

All these years you've been talking about Ken's nights and serving your man. That's the only woman that you've ever met that went out and bought a massage table. Yeah. It just makes me think, are people hearing or are they doing?

Tabatha Claytor

Amazon, you can get a massage table.

Ken Claytor

We want to hear more testimonies of you guys going to get a massage table, not just because of the massage table, just because you're a doer of the table. Here's the thing, ladies.

Tabatha Claytor

Now, this isn't why I got a massage table, but he will go and take the massage table out of the closet that I bought for him and set it up and light the candles. So the blessing comes back. When you sow the seed, he will take that same massage table that was meant for him and bring it and lay it out for you. So, I mean, it's just it's great. Yeah, you reap what you sow.

Ken Claytor

I mean, really, if you're watching this and you're not a believer yet, um, these things, these these are Bible principles when it comes to service. Service is something Jesus served us with his life. And so when you really grow in your faith, you will have this spirit of servitude. It's the same way that we serve our communities, it's the same way that we serve the the poor, it's the same way that some serve in prisons. Um, it's the same way that Jesus served us by getting us getting on a cross. Now you've positioned yourself to serve me, and I'm positioning myself to serve you. And it's a whole lot better than slapping each other. Serving each other is better than slapping each other. Um I was looking for wordplay with the S's, but serving and slapping was too far away. But y'all know what I mean. Um point number four, let's go to point number four.

Enjoy Sex Often And Initiate

Tabatha Claytor

Let's go to point number four. Point number four is enjoy sex often. Oh, yes. I mean, how can you talk about serving and taking care of your man if you don't talk about your sex a lot?

Ken Claytor

I like it that you put enjoy sex often. Enjoy sex often.

Tabatha Claytor

Yeah, because here's the thing. He I'm I'm speaking for the husbands, and I I know about you, is that he doesn't want you to just have sex to get over it and just to get done with it. But he wants you to have sex and enjoy it.

SPEAKER_09

We don't want the wet the the wet fish where it's like she just laying there while you get what you gotta get and hope this is over with and you just just this sloppy wet fish.

Tabatha Claytor

That doesn't seem attractive or fun at all. At all.

Ken Claytor

But that's what some you know, like let's just get this over with. No, I actually got that from somebody else. I thought that was.

Tabatha Claytor

Oh my gosh. Okay, so yeah, and I think so he wants you to enjoy it and he wants you to have fun with it. And then also, and this is something that I got from you, and I get this from you often is that you want me to initiate sex. And I don't know if we were in like a time, but every once in a while. We were in like a question and answer in front of a big group of people at one point, and um you said that, and all the men were like, yeah, like they all wanted their wives to initiate sex, and I was just like, first, I mean, honestly, I was annoyed, like, what do you mean? Like, you know what I mean? But when I like sitting down thinking, and I heard all of these men go into an uproar, I was just like, whoa, this isn't just my husband, this is kind of like a man thing. And it doesn't mean every day, but every once in a while, you know what I mean? Plan it out. Like, you know, I I know, like, you know, if it's like a you know, I'm gonna plan out on this Wednesday night because the kids are here and this is that, and then I'm just gonna get these candles, I'm gonna go out to and buy a new nightgown. Like, I will plan things out in my mind. You don't know anything about it, but that's my way to initiate.

Ken Claytor

Okay, good. Well, I love it. I love it.

Tabatha Claytor

Good, good, good. All right, okay, and so number five, number five is this take care of you, okay.

Take Care Of Yourself Too

Tabatha Claytor

Wife, you have to take care of yourself. Now, the Bible says that the wife is like a crown to her husband's head, and I know the husband does not want to be walking around with a dirty, raggedy, old, broke down, not shined up crown. And so what I found is that if I don't feel good, you don't feel good. You know what I mean? Like you're not happy. They say happy spouse, happy house, happy wife, happy life. And they say that for a reason. If I am like sick all the time, like you just really not doing your best. If I am frustrated and always angry because there's something going on at my job all the time, or there's some type of family drama all the time, or everything's great in my life, but I just am always complaining and nothing's ever good enough. That is just stressful for you. It's uncomfortable. Like you are not going to be completely on a 10 unless wifey is like feeling good. And so I think it's very important for us to take care of ourselves. Like, yes, we are boss ladies. I personally like to be over the top in every in everything, which can be it's hard because then it's too much. You know, it's like, girl, go take a nap somewhere, you know what I mean? But when I have my stuff together and I am on top, that's when you are able to be on top and not concerned about what's going on in my life. You know, like really to like, if I'm breaking down, it's hard for you to be happy and really enjoy life. And so I think we need to schedule our doctor appointments and go to our doctor appointments, um, counseling appointments. Um, you know, look good, put on some lotion and perfume, do your hair. And listen, ladies, not just not just for him or anybody else, but I found like I want to look good for me, you know, especially at this point in my life after, you know, overcoming cancer and having three kids, and now I'm going through menopause. I'm like, girl, yes, I want to look good for my man, but like I'm gonna put this lotion on so that I can feel good about myself and you know, put some chapstick on when I go to bed and wear some nice nighties and underclothes when I go to bed. Yes, for me, you know, for my husband, but also for me, because I found out when I feel good and I'm confident about myself, that's what makes you most attracted to me, and that's what makes you most, you know, happy on your own.

Ken Claytor

Yeah. Wow. Wow, wow,

Build Up Culture And Gratitude

Ken Claytor

wow. You have given us um five great keys, and uh my hope is that wives around the world are going. Take these keys and simply see their marriage get better. Um, if you guys enjoyed what Tabitha just gave you, can you just let us know in the comments? Can you just let us know by liking this and sharing this with other women around the world? I don't know. I think that this is just such a different angle than what's in the world. In the world, um, I see women who are tearing down men and men who are tearing down and abusing women. But in the kingdom of God, it's the exact opposite.

Tabatha Claytor

We build up.

Ken Claytor

We are a different breed. This is a different culture where we're gonna build up. And I just wanted to say, um, um, I want to say on the behalf of all men, thank you for leading that way. Not just because of me, but by a kingdom example. Um, I've seen you go from unsaved to saved, and I've seen you grow over the years, and I know that you are loving me because you love God, and you're honoring me because you honor God, and I'm simply getting the overflow of the walk that you have with Jesus, and I receive it 100%, you know. And now when I hear these things, I simply want to reciprocate. I want to go and I want to make your dreams come to pass, and I want to honor you. And I want to come up with Tabitha's nights, and I want to take you to Paris, which I already did, and this year we're going to Italy, and I want to I want to help whatever you want come to. I want your life to be as easy as it possibly can. I want to make sure that everything that you have is met. And I think we'll do that. Let's do it uh, I'll do a segment about how a husband can take care of his wife. Maybe we'll do that next. Y'all join us next week. It's gonna be good. Hey, we're out of time for today, but we hope that you enjoyed today's broadcast. Um,

Subscribe And Marriage Boot Camp

Ken Claytor

if you're new to our podcast, make sure that you hit the subscribe button if you're on YouTube, if you're on Apple Music or whatever you get podcasts, make sure that you download it so that you can be the first to get the content as it is released. We drop a new episode every Thursday at 3 p.m. There's actually a bunch of people that join in live, but if you missed the live part at 3 p.m., make sure that you hit the follow-up and uh let us know uh what you're getting out of this. We love to get your emails, we love to read your reviews, we love to um see how it's being a blessing to you. Just know that your feedback actually really built us up. It encourages us, absolutely, it helps us keep on going. If you're interested with having a better marriage, I would love for you to check out our Better Marriage Boot Camp, a 90-day journey that we believe will help you have a better marriage. Like I said in the beginning, you can check that out at kenandabitha.com. And um we hope to see you real soon. We love you guys. If you're ever in the Orlando, Florida area, make sure you come by and worship with us. And until next time, we love you guys. We'll see you soon. Peace.

SPEAKER_00

I just

Live Conference Testimonies And Healing

SPEAKER_00

always thought that my suffering was in vain.

SPEAKER_04

I went through a lot of trauma, divorce.

SPEAKER_08

I had calcification of the Achilles.

SPEAKER_04

The drive down to Orlando from Gainesville, tin pain. My pain was at a level 10. I told God, if you don't do something, I will have to go to the hospital.

SPEAKER_03

I've been waiting for in a missing piece on my Christian walk.

SPEAKER_01

I wanted to commit suicide.

SPEAKER_00

Coming to a live conference changed my life, and now I know my purpose.

SPEAKER_04

And I could feel the heat leaving my body. I have been overflowed with joy. In the masterclass of healing, my pain level went to a tingles all throughout my body after that.

SPEAKER_03

It went from a ticket to completely learning out things that I don't understand with the uh blessing of my brain language.

SPEAKER_01

Every day has been another discovery. I didn't know I had it in myself, I didn't know I had it in my faith. I'm just so grateful that my eyes are finally open.

SPEAKER_08

Now I don't have any pain at all, and I know that God still heals.

Contributor

Ken Claytor

Host
Head Shot

Tabatha Claytor

Host