Don't Fight the Feeling ft. Gianna Biscontini

If it doesn’t feel right, then it probably isn’t…

Your body knows best.

Have you ever thought about doing something but didn’t because you were afraid of what others would say?

That’s fear of judgment, when you feel like you SHOULD do something, rather than what you truly want to do.

Well Gianna Biscontini reached a point where she had 0 f@*ks left to give to anyone else. She started listening to her internal wisdom and quit caring what others thought.


Key Takeaways

• If it feels wrong, accept that you are on the wrong mountain, don’t fight it. No matter what you think you “should” be feeling about it or how others are telling you to feel about it.
• Conduct mini experiments and put yourself out there to try. Truly listen to what your body and inner wisdom is telling you about the experience. 
• White space allows for creativity. When you give yourself that calm time, that’s where the magic happens when you are doing something that brings you joy.

Key Moments

{5:54} “I gave myself that space. I took a whole summer, and then ended up. Changing my entire life. I got even more into meditation. I started creating courses for people in my industry of healthcare with high burnout.”

{7:27} “But instead we judge ourselves, right? Oh, I'm not dedicated enough. I'm lazy. I'm not enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not whatever enough. Instead of going, what's my body telling me right now, this is the wrong freaking mountain. Like I'm, I'm going the wrong way.”

{14:52} “I remember being a kid and being like. ‘Man, being a kid is so much fun. Why don't adults ever smile? Why don't they ever look happy like kids are?’ And as I started getting older, I'd get parking tickets and I had bosses and I had these soul crushing moments.”

{21:23} “We don't live in a world that encourages calm. And so when we have it, it feels very wrong.”



More about Gianna

Gianna is first and foremost a dog-loving, nature-obsessed digital nomad having the time of her life living one wild social experiment after another. She is the bestselling author of Fuckless: A Guide to Wild, Unencumbered Freedom and the founder of W3RKWELL, an analytics firm currently pioneering the integration of organizational culture and wellbeing. Challenging the status quo has become her raison d'être and fills her with excitement and gratitude every day.



Get in touch with Gianna

gianna@w3rkwell.com



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Transcript

Jenny Lynne: Gianna Biscontini. Welcome. And I have to say that because I totally butchered your name in the first pass. So thank you for coming for having me. Well, everyone, I am so, so, so excited to have Gianna here. And, if anyone isn't familiar with her, I just want to start and open up with Gianna. One of the things I love about her is that she Lives and marches to the beat of her own drummer and is unabashedly and unashamedly herself.

And we're going to talk a lot about that today. So if you've got kids in the car, Gianna loves to swear about as much as I do. So just be aware if that's not your jam or you don't want that around right now, maybe hit the pause button and listen to it later. So Deanna, thank you. Thank you so much for being here.

Gianna Biscontini: I'm so happy to be here and to see your face again. [00:01:00] 

Jenny Lynne: It's so good to see you. Well, we love starting in the middle, the messiest, stickiest point in the mud. So what was the moment that you realized you had to reinvent your relationship with work because it was not working? 

Gianna Biscontini: Yeah, it's really tangible to me looking back.

 I had worked really hard and collected graduate degrees and beat myself up and gotten four hours of sleep and taken on everything because I thought that there was a pinnacle. 

 It was about six weeks into to earning like a senior leadership position, and I was miserable. And it's really, really sad to see a pinnacle and to create stories and beliefs around that pinnacle and get there and realize. It's the wrong pinnacle, right?

You, you summited the wrong mountain or, or a misaligned [00:02:00] mountain. I was working, you know, four to six hours a day. I could get my work done really quickly. I loved, you know, elements of my job. Um, all of the shoulds were there, right? You, you should do this and you should do that. And, and anybody that I was talking to about how I wasn't happy.

Kept kind of throwing it back in my face, right? But you, you make this much money and this is what you were working for. you get to do all these things. And I was like, I know, I'm still, you know, I, I killed myself to be here. And now I get to, to coast and be in this space.

And it's not what I thought it would be. And, it was really upsetting and, I had to really take a lot of time. I I'm still on the journey, of figuring out what that all looks like. But in that moment, I realized that I had, glamorized this pinnacle. And sorely, sorely overestimated what that would do for me in my life.

And what that would mean for me as an individual, it was very ego [00:03:00] driven. Um, and there was a little bit of an ego death in that moment. It was really uncomfortable. And I just sat there. I sat in it and I took a couple of days and I just let it all, let it all come to me.

It was, it was something I had to kind of be birthed through to get to where I am now. 

Jenny Lynne: So I love how you describe that in those moments, how there was that misery and you had to sit with it. What, what came to you? What was that process of allowing the answers to come to us? Because oftentimes when we get, we hit this friction or this collision where we thought it was going to, and it's not, but we're not sure why or what.

Gianna Biscontini: Well, when that happens, we meet it with force. Right. Yeah, but I spent so much time. Yeah, but I'm really good at this. Yeah, but I spent a lot of money on graduate school and yeah, but, and then instead of going through a grieving process and allowing, we meet that moment with force instead of compassion and [00:04:00] inquiry.

And so when you meet it with force and then force it to work it's that sunk cost fallacy of, well, I've already put so much in, so I'm going to keep putting so much in. But in that time, you lose out on this opportunity cost of, if you just stop in that moment and meet yourself with compassion and inquiry and noticing instead of judging of, "wow, That's weird. I thought this moment would be something different and it's not. And there's information and wisdom for me here. Um, let's just see what happens."

We grasp instead, right? And we shut the door and we force and we say, nope, I don't want to see it. I don't want to be compassionate. I don't want to see what's here for me.

 and that's, that's when you start digging the hole deeper. Right. So for me meeting that moment with compassion and thank God I had a meditation practice at this moment, which really supported me in that meeting that moment with compassion and giving myself some white space.

Instead [00:05:00] of, just losing it or or forcing or taking any sort of control was really what helps the most. 

Jenny Lynne: That's amazing. So you, you created space for yourself in order to be with it and not fight it and really seek to understand it. So what emerged from that white space for you? 

Gianna Biscontini: so for being able to be in that space and, and set myself up on a, on a journey.

, I took a month. I went to Europe. I looked around. I got out of my routines and rituals and societal beliefs and just put myself in a totally different world and came back and thought I don't, I can continue doing this, knowing it's not for me because I'm supposed to. Or I can choose the mystery door, right?

I can, I can choose what's behind door number three. What's the mystery door and take some time. And so I gave myself that space. I took a whole summer, and then ended up. Changing my entire [00:06:00] life. I got even more into meditation. I started creating courses for people in my industry of healthcare with high burnout.

This was before the pandemic. And so now it's even worse. So I was teaching neuroscience based meditation classes. , I ended up working with executive leaders, I started executive coaching. I was coaching Navy seals. I started my employee wellbeing company. I really just unearthed what really mattered to me. And so when you have that white space and you're not afraid to ask yourself, what don't I actually give a shit about anymore? What did 28 year old give a shit of me give a shit about? And what does the current version of me give a shit about?

What do I care about and allow that to guide you? It's scary, but it's gotten me. Down so many other more creative paths. I wouldn't have written a book.

Jenny Lynne: So you were there in that moment when you started writing that book, how did it feel different from that moment of hitting the pinnacle, like describe these two different. So you started summiting the right [00:07:00] mountain for you. How did you know it was the right mountain?

Gianna Biscontini: This comes kind of back to the subject of the book. There's conventional societal wisdom that is given to us. And then there's that inner knowing and intuition and that body wisdom. And you've all felt it. to feel like you've hit a brick wall and your whole body kind of goes limp and your soul feels like it's dying and you have such a hard time staying motivated.

But instead we judge ourselves, right? Oh, I'm not dedicated enough. I'm lazy. I'm not enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not whatever enough. Instead of going, what's my body telling me right now, this is the wrong freaking mountain. Like I'm, I'm going the wrong way. And when I started writing fuckless, I wrote for five pages and then stopped and had no idea what I had written because I was in such a flow state and it was just kind of coming.

And I went back and I read, what ended up being the book, and it was like, yeah, this feels good. I didn't have to think about it. [00:08:00] Anything that I have done that has been an alignment for me, that has been, correct and has come from , my body wisdom, that inner knowing, 

And so I, I just started doing many experiments. Right? I would see how something felt. I would take a step and see how it felt. And if it felt good, I would take another step.

And if it didn't feel good, I just got out of my head. I'm such a linear, really masculine energy kind of thinker. I'm very analytical and because society has Um, that that's a good thing. And, you're so smart and you went and completed all these programs. It's like, that doesn't really mean anything.

 That means I can go from point A to point B and read books and produce reports. Like that's not what I'm here to do. Um, and ever since then, it's just, it's continuously tapping into that body wisdom. 

And so writing the book gave me energy. 

A lot of it was really harrowing, but I still felt energized by it. I still [00:09:00] felt like, Oh, the story sucks. But I, want people to know it. I think people can really relate. And sitting in those uncomfortable moments is when we get those lessons. And so I, I've just tried to not to avoid that, you know, to me, that's where the magic is.

And so, The moment where I hit that pinnacle of work, I felt extremely sad, deflated, exhausted. My body felt like a wet noodle. When I was writing the book, I had so much energy. My brain was going, my body was going, I was out in the world, doing what I was meant to do. 

Jenny Lynne: I love that. I love that. So I'm going to ask a very linear question.

What was the amount of time for you that lapsed between realizing you had climbed the wrong mountain? To starting to realize you were summiting the right ones. All these mini experiments, all these breaks and restoration, like the process is never clean. How long did it take? 

Gianna Biscontini: Yeah, it's never clean. I would say the process isn't over.

That's what you learn. [00:10:00] It's never over. You're never like, oh, I'm just going to. Just slide down this mountain and just scale up this one. And then I get to be at the top and then we're done. When you get to the top of a summit, you look around and realize there are more summits. There are mountains that you're, you're looking up at that are new.

 You said like, this is a linear question and it's the linear answer, right? We find safety and And certainty in the black and white, I'm going to say, I'm going to do a for the rest of my life. And Oh, then I can finally stop learning and working so hard. And we hear this all the time, people complain about their jobs, but once I get a promotion, but once I get a promotion, but once I make it here, but once I do this, then I'm going to take some time or then I'm going to say something and those people.

Likely hit those pinnacles of, Oh my gosh, I got here. I thought I'd have more power or happiness or satisfaction. And I don't, um, our [00:11:00] bodies and intuition know so much more than we give them credit for. And so, yeah, I think getting to that point is just, you have to always evolve. You, you live an imperfect life of continual learning, continual successes, continual mistakes, and you get to choose that path and how you respond to those experiences.

Jenny Lynne: So it's a constant climbing of the mountain and then the next mountain and then the next mountain with some ups and downs along the way. If you look at life before you were embracing it. And with that level of agency, I'm going to call it, cause that's a big message and theme throughout your book is that even though there's a lot of crap that we're handed, ultimately we are the only ones responsible for , our own happiness.

And so it's this idea that we actually have way more power than we realize, but we have to do something with it. 

Gianna Biscontini: Yeah, you know, I think before having that experience of that, you know, [00:12:00] messy middle moment, I did give my power away to something else.

 I love that I had the opportunity to go to grad school. And I love learning, and I am lucky in the fact that my process to get to that messy middle moment where I was like, Oh my gosh, this isn't what I want to do and the industry is not correct for me and I belong somewhere else I'm more creative.

 I did enjoy the process. And I don't know that a lot of people do. We call it automaticity. You just kind of do and do and do. And someone gives you a roadmap and you say, okay, great. And you follow it. 

And if I go in the wrong direction and summit the wrong mountain for 10 years, I don't get to get to the top and go, well, everybody told me to come here. So I'm here and I don't like it. It's like what, but you packed your bags and did it. You packed your bags and went. And you just shrugged your shoulders and said, well, they told me to go.

So I went, that's giving away your power. Don't do that. 

Jenny Lynne: Yeah. One of the [00:13:00] steps in my framework is about controlling boundaries for, so for those who have piloted some of the early tools that we've got, one of the recommendations is how to say no with grace and you really, really do this elegantly.

Well, it's thank you so much for caring so much about my financial wellbeing and. I still want to do it anyways, because money's not important to me or just not explaining it all, but like figuring out a way that you can accept the love, but reject the ask. And those two things can both happen at the same time and you do it brilliantly well both in your book, but also in the real life because I know you and you do so love that about you.

Gianna Biscontini: Well, thank you for that. Think of it as, um, what, whatever you say yes to, you're saying no to other things. And so I think we are, especially women are bred that to believe that if we say no, it's uncaring and unkind and selfish. And then you stop one day and you think, but when do I get to live my life?

You know, I'm, I'm completely allowed to live my life. I have jurisdiction [00:14:00] over my life. The only thing that we have jurisdiction over is our own lives. Nobody else's. It's a reclaiming of time, you know, friendships, jobs, places. I'm nomadic now. So I have said hello and goodbye to a lot of different places.

 And it's really about what we invite in, and taking accountability. Over our own lives. I think , we secretly have a subconscious desire to go, well, if I do this, I, and it doesn't work out, I can blame this other person, , , I don't have to go, oh shit. 

Jenny Lynne: Sometimes subconsciously, sometimes consciously just saying , 

Gianna Biscontini: right?

It's like, well, it doesn't work out. I can just blame the person who told me to do it like I'm five and I don't know any better. It's like, no, you have evolved this, this beautiful adult human. You, what the fuck, you know, you need to do like, that's the adventure. This is where the adventure starts, right? I remember being a kid and being like.

Man, being a kid is so much fun. Why don't adults ever smile? Why don't they ever [00:15:00] look happy like kids are? And as I started getting older, I'd get parking tickets and I had bosses and I had these soul crushing moments. And I'm like, that's how, that is how you go from this joie de vivre to being a soul crushed.

Human. And I just never wanted to allow that to happen in my own life. Like that is my stage rebel rebellion. 

Jenny Lynne: I love it. I love it. And by the way, I have listened to that. Cause as soon as you said parking tickets, I remembered I got my first parking ticket ever recently that I have to go pay. 

Gianna Biscontini: I'm glad 

Jenny Lynne: everybody's like, Oh yes, that was a soul crushing moment.

I still remember when I looked up and realized I didn't see the sign. 

Gianna Biscontini: Yeah, that happens. And it's, you know, it, you just maintain your joie de vivre. God, I cannot stress that enough. 

Jenny Lynne: Yeah. And you really talk about three key phrases. Should, yeah, but, and but when I. Those seem to be like really key [00:16:00] phrases that you have learned to listen to.

And recognize them as signs. How do you respond to them? So we have to create this like habit in our brain that when we hear those words coming out of our either mouth or our head, what is the response that you find is most effective to explore whether or not that should, but when, or yeah, but actually makes sense versus when it's an excuse.

Gianna Biscontini: So I have the benefit of being a behavior analyst. So I know how to change my own behavior and I hack it all the time. We need a functionally equivalent replacement behavior. So I'm going to get nerdy for a second. 

Jenny Lynne: I love nerds.

Gianna Biscontini: If you want to stop doing something, you have to figure out why you're doing it and then figure out a better way to meet that need.

Right. And so. In that moment where we say, I should or yeah, but or you know, whatever should usually come from fear, right? I should do this because it means something about me if I don't, or because someone is going to be mad at me if I don't.[00:17:00] Usually in those moments, we're trying to avoid. In aversive response from someone else, we're trying to avoid an aversive response from, our boss, our spouse, or, or ourselves.

 And so in that moment. I tell myself this is fear. I refuse to act out of fear. It's just not neuropsychologically a great place to operate from our fear. Our bodies are built for fear, not for hope and positivity because of the way we've evolved, right? This was once very, very good for us because we were being chased by tigers.

And so to have like a healthy dose of fear, like if the bush is shaking over there and we have an oh shit moment where it's like, Oh my gosh. I have to get everybody away from the bush like our fear response kicks in and that keeps us alive. The tigers and lions and bears have turned into taxes and bosses and shitty friendships, right?

And, and the things that we're afraid of. And so in those moments where I think I should do this. Number [00:18:00] one, the story always comes from somewhere else. It's never internal, right? It's always, why do I think I should do this? Well, because of something out there, because of someone or something out there told me that I should do this.

And then My replacement behavior is what do I think? What do I want to do in this moment? And how you can tell the difference, or at least how I tell it, the difference between fear and that like internal knowing is fear comes on really quickly. It's just like, you know, this. Holy shit moment of, Oh my goodness.

And if I don't do this, somebody's gonna be mad at me. And that's going to be really bad. And we get into this weird space. That's just fear. And now we're not even thinking correctly because we're in an emotional space, thinking in the back of our brain, the body wisdom, the intuition, the inner knowing it's really subtle.

Just like, Hey. Hey, what about this? Hey, what if you wrote a book? And then like a couple months later, Hey, what if you wrote a book? It's quieter. It's not [00:19:00] aggressive. It's just patient. It kind of sits there and is like, Okay, this might take you 10 years to figure out. Um, but I'm just going to hang here. And in 10 years where you figure out this was the path for you all along, you're gonna go, oh my God, I've been thinking about this for 10 years.

It's like, yeah, you have right, and it's just been there the whole time. But it's less powerful than, than the fear. But when we feel fear, we wanna get away from it as soon as possible. And so it's like, okay, I'm just gonna do that thing. I'm gonna say yes. Because I don't want that person to be mad.

I'm going to overwork because I don't want to look not dedicated. I'm going to stay at this job because I don't like thinking about what that means if I quit. Um, and so we're just running around in this fear, stress, allostatic stress response all the time. People don't understand how scared they actually are.

Yeah, we habituate to it. It only works in the short term and then we have to get more alarmist and more sensationalist and more scared. And so it's just finding a quieter [00:20:00] existence. I think that's why peace and quiet should be prescribed for like everyone. 

Jenny Lynne: Yeah. The white back to the white space concept.

I love that you said that. That's a huge, that's the first step. Anytime I've been working with anyone on workaholism, almost always the first step is just get more white space. Very, very few people get enough white space. 

Gianna Biscontini: Yeah. 

And if you think about scientifically, you're just, taking all the external stimuli away.

 and I make this point in the book, you can do your own work. You can lock yourself in your house for a month and read fuckless or other books that are like mine and do the same work. But then you have to go out into the world and you've done all this work yourself and you know who you are and you know your path and you go into the world.

And that's when people start, well, what about this? And well, I don't know about that for you. And I don't see that for you. And it's all of this stimuli, back out in society that that's pulling you away , from that person that you know, you want to be. And really are deep down. And so that quiet white space, [00:21:00] if you can fight the urge to turn on music, to turn on the TV, call someone, right?

You'll notice. And you're like this, you know what? You're not supposed to fucking like it. We don't live in a world that encourages calm. And so when we have it, it feels very wrong. And. It feels uncomfortable and we call that wrong. Yeah. This feels uncomfortable. I'm in a different setting and different settings produce different results.

You can stay in that space. And I mean, start off with hours, just be intense about it. You get so many gifts. It's just so beneficial. 

Jenny Lynne: Oh, it's so is. And the picture that I've been using to describe it is imagine if you picked up a book and all the letters on the page overlapped. There was blobs of black paint everywhere.

You couldn't read it. And if you don't quiet the noise. Enough. You can't actually see all of the insights that you already have inside of you and tap into [00:22:00] them. So love, love, love that concept of how do you create, and I love the challenge to do it for hours. Cause that's actually where I find the most difference after about two hours of.

Really slowing down is about what it takes. And yes, about 20 times during that, I want to grab my phone or I have something pop into my head and it's like, release it and move on. So we can't do that all the time, every day, get that most people don't have a life that can do that, but it is important to start to get good at incorporating it.

Both daily in small amounts and then weekly in larger chunks, et cetera. So you start to get that practice built out. So I absolutely love that. 

Gianna Biscontini: Yeah. And the great thing about that is if you can start more intensely and you'll have the benefits more intensely. And so if we're going to start any new practice, we need to have the benefit.

Right. If you lost 10 pounds or whatever people want to lose eating one salad, so many more people would eat healthy, right? It's the reinforcement doesn't come. And so [00:23:00] you changed all these things and then the weight comes off over time and anything is like that. And so when I taught meditation classes, people would say, I hate meditating.

I suck at it. I can't go more than three minutes. It's like. It's not supposed to be quiet. If there's a lot of noise there, that's a good thing. You're learning how to cope and to deal with it. I mean, if you're talking to someone and they say, I can't sit in a room for longer than five minutes without having a drink.

That'd be a real problem. Mm-hmm. , right? They, I think you need help if you can't go more than five minutes without a drink of alcohol or without like mm-hmm. Wanting to take a shot or do a drug, right? Mm-hmm. . But when we sit around and we can't go three minutes without grabbing our phone, we don't call that the same thing.

Mm-hmm. , well, you know, it's like, you know what, it's the same thing. Mm-hmm. , um, and not to dramatize it, but it's just a behavior. It's, it's a crutch, it's a distraction. Mm-hmm. . and if. If we are more conscious, especially if you can do a couple of hours right off the bat and just get that over with and just get [00:24:00] into it, you get better at it.

 But it's like anything you have to give yourself the chance and the opportunity. 

Jenny Lynne: I love that. I love that. Okay, so now comes the fun part where we try to describe the map and I see if I got all the milestones right because you know, I do have a linear side as well.

So, so the first thing it sounds like is you got to the top of the pinnacle and you realized you had summited the wrong mountain, which means it sounds like one of your first recommendations is summit the right mountain. 

Gianna Biscontini: And what is the right mountain? Define the right mountain. That takes a really long time, but like envision the right mountain, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, like all of that.

Jenny Lynne: Yeah. Spend the time. And actually one of the things you said really powerfully there is mini experiments. So try to put yourself out there in small ways to experience what these different things. are like, and then from that, it becomes easier to figure out what the right mountain [00:25:00] actually is for right now.

And I'm going to say right mountain for right now, because we all change and our mountains is like you said, are going to change 

throughout our life. 

Gianna Biscontini: Yeah, that's the fun part. 

Jenny Lynne: Yeah. 

But in between those two, it sounds like there was a little bit of accepting that you were on the wrong mountain. And so I heard it was really about.

First, stop fighting and just being with it. So stop fighting the fact that even though you should have been happy, you weren't. And I'm saying using that word intentionally, even though society's messages were saying you had it all and you weren't, that was a good moment to stop fighting that fact that you weren't happy and just be with that.

unhappiness and understand what it is. Being curious about it was important. And one of the ways that you did that was taking a pause, adding more white space and getting out of your routine so that you were exposed to different things, travel and, changing your circumstances for those that can't travel.

Maybe it's just going to a coffee shop to be with your work for a day or having a day without meetings where you can just really sit and allow your brain [00:26:00] to wander a little bit more around what's possible. Like not everybody has the luxury of just dropping everything and traveling. I totally honor that.

So if you don't, there's so many ways you can still create novelty in smaller ways within. Whatever parameters your life allows you to have. 

Gianna Biscontini: Yes. They actually do research on this. , and there's even a shift. If you , take a walk down a street that you've never walked down before, drive a town or two over.

If you can do that, it's just really putting yourself in a place like in a physical space where you've never been. Travel is my medicine because while I understand I'm not escaping any problems. I have a totally different perspective. And so it's really just doing something that makes you happy and gives you joy.

Jenny Lynne: Yeah, I completely agree. So we're back now to those mini experiments, which you had so much fun doing.

And really what it was for you, I heard is really tuning into what your body is telling you every time you did one of those mini experience. So what's my body telling me about this? Is this feeling good and learning to get out of your head and into your subtle, [00:27:00] Messages your body was sending you, um, so that you knew what to continue forward on and what to pull back on.

Gianna Biscontini: Yeah. And trusting it. I think a lot of the times we don't follow our own knowing and we, we excuse it away with the yeah, buts and the shoulds and the, Oh, I want this, but I should that, or I want to do this, but someone will think some way about it. And so I think a lot of people listening right now are probably really resonating going.

Yeah. I, I know my knowing, I just don't trust her or him or them. Um, 

Jenny Lynne: I definitely have that problem. 

I definitely 

have that problem. 

Gianna Biscontini: Yeah. Cause it, because what you're knowing is goes against something you've heard and you start that self talk. Well, I can't just do that. Well, I can't just do that. And then you go, well, why not?

And so when you can reframe beliefs, it might seem like peanut butter and tractor trailers don't go together. But you get to decide what you believe and you get to decide what's right for you and what, what beliefs do go together. 

Jenny Lynne: I love that. I love that.

And that's a particular belief that has also [00:28:00] come from a lot of different directions in society that we, our parents, the way, you know, previous employers experienced from earlier in our career, that if we all started challenging that one belief, Think of how much more creative we would be with the energy that we had.

If we were like, well, what if that wasn't true? What would it need to look like to not be true? That would be a powerful question. I'd love this entire audience to ask themselves and then message message me on what you've come up with. 

I

Gianna Biscontini: would love to know. 

Jenny Lynne: Okay, so you've got the shoulds, the yeah, buts, the buts, when those air triggers that you're in a fear based, usually from an outside a stimulus, you need to replace that with another behavior.

You did a really great job of giving us options. What do I believe about that? Is that belief actually right? So replacing every time you hear those words in your head. and helping two loved ones. I've, told loved ones, like, tell me if you hear the word should come out of my mouth. Like, sometimes I don't hear it in myself, but others will hear it in me.

And if we [00:29:00] train them to let us know that they're hearing that, we can then ask ourselves the question, of, okay, well, why am I doing that? And eventually we develop the ear ourselves. So we don't rely on others to hear it. So. 

Gianna Biscontini: Yeah. And in that moment, just, I want everybody to know that it's okay if you don't know, you know, if you're like this belief isn't mine and I don't actually believe this to be true, you know, the next question is, well, what do I believe?

Be kind to yourself in that moment, because having to say to yourself, I don't know what I believe. Is a moment where you kind of realize how much you have looks to other people to tell you what to believe in that moment of, I don't know, I don't know who I am. I don't really know what I want to do next.

I don't know how I feel about this. I don't know what I believe about this. I really depended on other people. That moment is magic. Don't miss that moment. Like be really compassionate with yourself there because that's growth. 

Jenny Lynne: I

 love that. And that [00:30:00] is a perfect way to end. 

Thanks for spending extra time, by the way. 

 I love that you are a fabulous human and I love being a fabulous human right alongside of you. Thank you for taking the time to really, really dive into what it means to let go of what we've been told is true and find our own truth. 

Gianna Biscontini: Thank you so much for having me.

Pleasure as always.