Let it Go ft. Tonia Jahshan

I think most of us can say that at some point in time, we’ve felt some kind of weight on our shoulders that we aren’t sure how to get off.

Tonia Jahshan struggled with anxiety and mental health for 10 years and just kept pushing on while growing her family and business… ignoring the side effects that workaholism had caused.

Much of her anxiety was fueled by feeling responsible for other people's success, and that responsibility became her driving force until she couldn’t carry the load anymore and checked herself into a mental health facility.

Key Takeaways

• Recognize the physical signs your body is telling you when enough is enough and it’s time to ask and receive help.
• Being authentic isn’t a weakness, it helps you thrive as a leader.
• You cannot create success for someone else, only they can. Let it go.

Key Moments

{2:36} “It wasn't until 2018 when I had a complete, complete mental breakdown that I realized that I needed help for sure, and I had to step back from my business, my family for six weeks.”

{17:12} “I had just gone through a horrible ordeal with my mental health I was still struggling. Just, you know I just wanted to work, work, work.”

{19:40} “I'm not doing anything anymore unless it has purpose. Unless it has a big purpose within my life and my family”

More about Tonia

Tonia Jahshan embarked on her visionary journey over 17 years ago, armed with a cup of tea and a mission to infuse the joy of loose leaf tea into people's lives. Through her social selling venture, Sipology, she not only shared the love for tea but also empowered numerous business owners, providing them with extra income and a supportive community. Today, Sipology has blossomed into a renowned North American health and wellness brand, offering matcha, essential vitamins, and super greens – a bouquet of well-being.

In 2012, Tonia and Hatem made their mark on CBC's Dragons' Den, impressing Jim Treliving and David Chilton with their pitch. This dynamic duo returned to the Den multiple times, cementing their legendary status in the entrepreneurial realm.

Fast-forward to the present, Sipology has expanded its reach, achieving millions in annual sales and building a dedicated network of Sipologists across North America. Their mission extends beyond products, encompassing health, sustainability, and government-approved quality. Year after year, Sipology shines on the PROFIT 500 Canada’s Fastest-Growing Companies list, and Tonia's accolades continue to accumulate, from Canada's #1 Female Entrepreneur to the Ernst and Young Entrepreneurial Winning Women award. Forbes recognizes her as one of the Women to Watch.

In the end, Tonia Jahshan's journey, rooted in a humble cup of tea, embodies growth, resilience, and a passionate commitment to purpose.

Get in touch with Tonia

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tonia-jahshan-29977410/

https://www.instagram.com/toniajahshan/

Share your Story

Send it to us at podcast@jennylynnerickson.com

Get Beyond Workaholism

If you’re wondering what you need right now and how to manage your time, take the space test and see for yourself.

Transcript

Jenny Lynne: Tanya Jahshan, it is so nice to have you 

Tonia Jahshan: here. So happy to be here too, 

Jenny Lynne: Jenny. You're one of those people that the moment I met, I was like, you need to be on this show.

Tonia Jahshan: You did. I was sitting beside you and you handed me your card. I think.

Jenny Lynne: Which is funny because sometimes like I'll have people that are like, I want to be on the show, but it's like I zero in and I'm like, this person has a story and everyone needs to hear their stories. So I'm so grateful that you're taking the time to be with me today. 

Tonia Jahshan: No problem. This is gonna be fun. 

Jenny Lynne: Alright, so we're in season two and so we start right in the middle of the messy middle. So, Tanya, when was your moment That you just [00:01:00] realized your feet were deep in the mud and you were facing it down and you're like, holy crap, I'm a workaholic and it isn't working anymore.

Tonia Jahshan: Oh gosh, I think there were a couple moments in my career in my business for sure. But I would say. That one was when we were on the show Dragon's Den and that's like shark tank in the U. S. And Sammy, my third child was just born. He was only three weeks old when we aired on this national show.

And, I was in extreme pain. I was Deep into you know, depression, like postpartum depression, but there was nothing stopping me that I was going to just keep going. I, it didn't matter what I was feeling, what I was doing, how much. Time I was neglecting my son. I was just so determined[00:02:00] that I was going to do all of the, magazine interviews, the newspaper interviews I was going to do across Canada tour.

I was like, I was being asked to do so much after that aired because we were, we were so successful on the show that I just, I, looking back, I should have said no to many of those engagements because I was so sick. I was just so sick. But, but I, I, I realized then, and you know, with your show, I am a work, I was a workaholic and I still am sort of like a workaholic.

But it wasn't until 2018 when I had a. Complete, complete mental breakdown that I realized that that I needed help for sure 

 And I had to take, I had to step back from my business, my family for six weeks.

I went to a mental health hospital facility and really learned there how how little I was taking [00:03:00] care of myself. For the past 10 years and, and that was not a place that I recommend anyone getting to, right? The warning signs were there the whole time all through those years, but I just chose to ignore them because A, I just didn't want to stop working and B, I was just too ashamed to admit that I needed help.

Jenny Lynne: So I'd love to, I, I love what you said about the warning signs. I would love to dig into what that was and what was that, like you said, driving conversation or dialogue that was happening and what did it feel like when those warning signs were starting to emerge? So what was some of those warning signs that were there, but in the moment you didn't see?

Tonia Jahshan: The warning signs were there all the way back to when I was 20. You know, I can, I can go back that far. I had a [00:04:00] attempted suicide when I was 18. You know, over something that was so trivial. 

So. I went to see a therapist after that for maybe a month to unload some of the, maybe the trauma that I'd been, that I'd had while in my childhood. I'm an only child divorced parents alcoholic father, , you know, brought up in a pretty not, not safe or stable home. And I think that really impacted me a lot in my later years, good and bad, good and bad.

 But even at 20, going to see a therapist for a few weeks, I was like, no, I'm good now we're, we're good. But I just always had, I've always been such an anxious person, anxiety and stress and depression all through my twenties but just. I just didn't know what to do about it. I, I just didn't know what to do about it.

And I didn't, [00:05:00] I didn't want to go talk to anyone about it either. But even back then, like we're talking 20 years ago, mental health was still not something that people really talked about a lot. Right. I mean, really I should have been probably committed to a hospital at that point where I tried to commit suicide, but nobody thought to do that.

So anyways, fast forward, you know, now I'm married with with children and just all of the, because of my, my history of depression and anxiety, you know, my first baby was a miscarriage. But that led us. To Nova Scotia where I got the idea to start the company. And so it's silver lining is that that whole ordeal ended up with this business that I am in right now. 

 so yeah, all the signs of just you know of anxiousness and in depression Those were the signs, you know, I could I could be happy as a lark and then So down that [00:06:00] people would never even recognize who I am, because this is how I usually am, right?

I'm like this. I'm a very outgoing personality. And I'm really good. I'm really good at hiding it, too. 

Jenny Lynne: All those management pieces we have inside of us. And to that end, talking about hiding it, what role did work play in helping to keep it under control or at bay? Oh, 

Tonia Jahshan: what? So at work, I was a totally, totally different person.

I mean, it took it. It was really, for me, it was hard when this company grew. So, you know, I mean, when I, when I first started this company, it was just me. And then it was a couple of, you know, my mom, my aunt, and then, you know, fast forward 10 years later, I have like 100 employees and, you know, thousands of reps across North America who now looked at me as somebody To lead [00:07:00] them, and I felt very uncomfortable with that role, and I, I had to learn a lot about what it took to be a leader, and I made a lot of mistakes along the way.

And one of the mistakes I think that a lot of leaders have fallen into the trap, and I think it's, I hope it's getting better now, is that we didn't lead authentically. I don't think right. We didn't lead. You know, letting our team know that we were struggling because we saw that as a weakness.

We saw that as a Oh, my gosh, what are they going to think about me if I say that I'm really suffering today and I just need to. Take a break. Like that, that I just couldn't even have imagined doing that prior to me going into the hospital. But after, after I got out of the hospital and nobody knew, nobody knew where I was, which, you know, I think back now I'm thinking, where did they think I was?

How did Must have come up with a really good [00:08:00] story about where I was. But but after I got out of the hospital, I was determined that I was not going to live behind this facade anymore. I was going to be very out. Out there open. You know, the first thing I did was I said, I told our, our team what happened where I was, and they were a lot of them were shocked.

And I also said that it was time for us to start supporting mental health, and that we were going to change who we were going to support now going forward because we were doing juvenile diabetes for like 10 years and I said, that's it. We're going to do mental health now.

So we did crisis text line and kids helpful in our 2 charities of choice now that we donate. A lot of money to every year. And that's been it. Now I live my life authentically and I, I listen, I tell everybody now if I'm having a bad day, they know I'm having a bad day and, and they feel comfortable now telling me that they're having a bad day.

I've had a lot of our team [00:09:00] say, you know, not a lot, a few of them come up to me and say, I'm not having a great day today. Like, do you have any recommendations? Obviously I am not a doctor, but I'm like, these are the things that work for me. Just. You know, take a breather it's okay, you know, it's okay to not be okay.

So yeah, 

Jenny Lynne: I love that it is I definitely have noticed the shift in our society over the past 20 years and workplaces where it is more, yep, this is not my best day. And then the great thing is people don't have to read into it then it's like, did I do something wrong? If you're having a bad day, people feel the energy, no matter how good you are at hiding it.

None of us. Can truly hide what's going on. It seeps out the cracks. 

Tonia Jahshan: No, exactly. Absolutely. I'll never forget. It's a, one of the worst. Things that I think I've ever done and it was it was just I was having such a rough week and I think this [00:10:00] was close to like we were still in such in the throes of Dragon's Den and all of the publicity and stuff and I can't remember what exactly happened, but I brought one of our team members into my office and I just Lost it and to the point where I?

Like I made this person cry and that was, that's not like me at all. And I look back at that moment. I was so ashamed and I was so embarrassed and I'll never forget it. But what I should have done, what I should have done that day, because I was on edge and I wasn't myself, I should have just left, I should have just gone home, but I, I didn't.

And I learned a lot of big lessons from that moment. I've never done that again. 

Jenny Lynne: So when you think then about these on edge moments, I can, I can feel the description. I've been there myself as the more that you've embraced this, you know, just the reality of what emotions can be like and show up, like, [00:11:00] how has that affected the number ratio of, of days that you spend on edge versus being able to just naturally be in your own skin?

Yeah, 

Tonia Jahshan: that's a great question. Since COVID. So we were open all through COVID and but I just, I decided that I was going to stay home and, and work out of my home office and not go into the office and, and my husband had him, who's a CEO goes into the office every single day and Even when COVID was over, COVID's over and everyone started going back to the workplace.

I don't, I don't go back there as much as I used to because I, I just know myself. I actually, I love being surrounded by people, but I also need I also recognize that I'm a bit of a disruptor too. I walk into the office and it's like,

You know, and listen, that's okay once in a while, but I, I learned that about myself that I work better. in [00:12:00] a closed environment and Zoom with people than I do being in the office. And so I have really I've been able to have a beautiful balance between the in and out. Whereas before I went to the office every day, nine to six.

Every single day. I didn't miss a day. But now I, I have this beautiful balance between going into the office once in a while and, and being here in getting a lot of work done on my own. So that's, that's, that's worked really well for me and it's worked really well for them too. Yeah, 

Jenny Lynne: I'm I'm also one of those COVID was a blessing in disguise, I would say, because I work in that way for me, right?

It's so COVID had did a lot of things. Some of it very bad. Some of it very good. It was a disruptor in and of itself, right? And everybody's experience of it was completely different. So it opened our eyes to people's different. Life circumstances. But for me specifically, I am similar to [00:13:00] you. I do my best work when I'm alone or I'm away and I, because I am such a disruptive force, it's small doses with me.

It's kind of like way better. Like I can inspire and motivate and then you can have space to recover. 

Tonia Jahshan: I love that you just said that because. Feel like I'm the only one who's like this. Like, am I the only one who recognizes that they're like 

Jenny Lynne: this? Good. I'm so happy. It's amazing that you recognize it.

That's like being aware of like how we show up and the the ceilings in the basements is one term I heard once. And regarding strengths, like there's ceilings and there's basements to certain things. So how do you recognize both and then capitalize on the ceilings, but not dip into the basements to the point where it affects other people.

So good for you recognizing that. I think that's amazing. And 

Tonia Jahshan: you. Thank you. 

Jenny Lynne: So you've talked a lot about this [00:14:00] anxiety thing. What are the warning signs that it's showing up for you that it's tingling? I call it a tingling because that's what it feels like to me.

Like it's like it's a it's there and. We have to understand how we're interacting with it. So what does that feel like to you and how do you know? 

Tonia Jahshan: It's that, it's that pit in your stomach, right? Like I'm, I'm about to write a whole piece on medical anxiety, right? Like when your doctors give you news that isn't necessarily the news that you were expecting and how does that affect your life, right?

, your anxiety goes through the roof. And sometimes we I know with myself, I read into things. I overanalyze things to the point where I can make my anxiety even worse. So what I do. And this is what I learned in at the, the hospital I stayed at. It's so funny. I, I show everybody this book because this is my book from the [00:15:00] hospital.

This is how much paperwork I had from the hospital. Like this literally was a course on me. And but in here, because because my anxiety, I have an anxiety disorder, so they, they, it's called generalized anxiety disorder which I hate that term generalized feels like, like so general, but I have these exercises that I do, and the one is, you know, when I have these.

Over, like these very heavy thoughts I need to write the heavy thought down and I need to start analyzing it. Is this a fact or is this, it's this fiction, is it something coming up in your head or is it actually happening? And more than that. Likely it's you, your, your, our brains, especially I think with people with anxiety disorders, our brains go crazy.

They start making up these stories that are so fictional that it makes you [00:16:00] sick, right? It makes you even worse. So that's, that helps me a lot. But yeah, it's that, it's that thick feeling in my stomach and when I know when I get that feeling or the tingly feeling. I know what you're talking about with that.

Jenny Lynne: it? One of the research does show that workaholics tend to have a higher higher rates of anxiety. So that is actually totally normal. And a lot of folks do. A lot of folks I talked to have it. I'm learning this and a lot of us find out about our workaholism and not so pleasant ways because of it.

So, and whether people call it anxiety or not, or recognize it for that is a whole different thing, right? Because anxiety can mask itself. Like you said, in so many different ways, it can mask itself as anger. It can mask itself as a lot of different things in mind can do both as well, but thinking about how it relates to work.

So , what relationship do you have with work and how has some of this other underlying stuff shaped your relationship with work? 

Tonia Jahshan: So [00:17:00] that's a good question. I. So I recognize over, okay, so over the last couple of years, even after I got out of the hospital, I still remained a bit of a workaholic even though I had just gone through a horrible ordeal with my mental health I was still struggling Just, you know I just wanted to work, work, work.

I, cause with, for me, I feel like this immense responsibility to our team to our psychologists across North America. Like if they're not six, if I'm not. Most the most successful for them, then they're not going to be successful, right? So that that played a big role on me for the last few years But then I came to the realization that that was killing me that that pressure on myself was was bringing my mental health forward again and that my It was, was back to where it was when I went into the hospital.

So I realized that I can't, I can't [00:18:00] control other people's success anymore. Like it's, it's not in my, it's not I can't. I can't create success for other people. And that's a lot of the the guilt that I had to let go of is that, you know, I wanted to see people successful in our company, but I, I realized I can't be that person to make them successful.

They have to do it themselves. So I started kind of like backing. Away a little bit from from these, from these relationships that I had with people within my company and keeping it more it's a word I don't want to say impersonal because it's always very personable, but I wasn't, I didn't feel like this absolute like drive or desire that I have to be the person to make them successful anymore.

And that was a that's been a huge relief for me a huge relief to let that go because i've been holding on to that for 15 years of me being the sole [00:19:00] responsible person to for other people's success. And so letting go of that has really helped my work. My relationship with work. I'm now being, you know, I'm now more involved with my children's school life.

I wasn't before. It wasn't up until this year that I decided that I was like, You know what? My kids are getting older. Like, my oldest is almost 16. My youngest is 11. I want to be more involved in their life at school. So, I now have my calendar all, you know, programmed. On the, you know, programmed so the days that I need to spend time with them, they're blocked off.

I don't have any meetings anymore. I'm not doing anything anymore unless it has purpose. Within, you know, unless it has a big purpose within my life and my family, so 

Jenny Lynne: that's amazing. That's amazing. So it sounds like this has been a multi step journey, but I want to go back to that quote that you said.

It was super powerful. I cannot control or [00:20:00] create other people's success. 

Tonia Jahshan: No. Yeah. And that's a hard one that I don't know if this is hard for you to, but as an entrepreneur especially cause within my company, I offer this opportunity to become an entrepreneur, right? Micro entrepreneurs within my company and and nothing makes me happier than to see people be successful within this company.

But when people aren't, I, I used to take that on so heavily, oh my God, to the point where it would make me sick. You know, cause I wanted it so bad for themselves, but then I realized I can't, I can't want this for them. They have to want it for themselves. 

Jenny Lynne: And we can't want something for someone more than they want it for themselves either, even if we choose to lean in and support it, it is it's nonproductive to do it.

And I would say that extends even beyond the workplace to parenting. I've [00:21:00] had to learn that my kids are 15 and 17. Now the 17 year old, especially he's 1 year away from being a legal adult and you know, getting his first full time job and all of that and definitely have had to. Learn that they don't become adults overnight.

You have to pull back in pieces and understand that you actually aren't the sole contributor of their success in life, which was like a complete mind for me to realize that I, my arms only reach so far. That's there's only so far they can reach. 

Tonia Jahshan: Yeah, that's so funny. I had the same conversation with my husband last night because our daughter Layla, she, you know, she got a not so great score on her math test, on her math exam.

It was still like, it was like a 73, but he wasn't happy with that because he expects her to get 90s. And I'm like, and so he was really hard on her and I get it. I said, but how to like, at some point we have to step back and let her. Understand the [00:22:00] repercussions of her actions, right? Like, yeah, of course I don't want to see her fail, but we can't be hovering over her all the time.

She has to learn, too, that this is her responsibility. She better study for her test if she wants the pass, because the repercussions of that are going to be on her life, and not ours. So, yeah. 

Jenny Lynne: Yeah. So now comes the part where I get to try to recap your journey and you can tell me how far off I am, but What I heard is that you have throughout your life recognized that you have a high degree of, like you said, anxiety.

And I would just say, oh, it's usually awareness, right? You have a high degree of awareness as to what's going on around you of nervousness. You had some of these perfectionist components and all these different components. And instead of recognizing and working through them as they've arisen in [00:23:00] the past, actually, at some point up until your, your kind of break, you worked through them more as I worked through them, grabbing the keyboard, doing the marketing PR.

Just trying to silence the noise by showing up day in and day out over and over again, consistently. And you wanted stability and more than anything, you felt responsible for other people's success. And that weight of that responsibility kept you moving forward, even when what would have been best was to stop.

Tonia Jahshan: Yeah. Yeah. 

Jenny Lynne: Perfect. The signs that you talked about is like a pit in your stomach, or like you said, it could be that tingling or the shaking sense of anxiety and anger. It can be any of those things, but really, it sounds like recognizing the physical signs of how it's showing up and learning to stop and pause.

Was also a critical part because you've had multiple things over the past period of time. So being [00:24:00] super aware of your own, your own signs and how to read them and how to slow down and learn what your body's trying to teach you every time taking the help you need when you need it, learning how to ask for it, learning how to receive it.

And then learning how to be authentic about where you are right now actually helps you become a better leader, not a worse one. 100%. Thank you. Absolutely. Knowing what you need and going after it, like, you know, you know that you work better at home and your team works better when you're at home. So really understanding this is what I need to be a happy, healthy, well rounded individual.

And then ultimately stepping back and recognizing that only other people can create their success. All you can do is show up in a way that gives them the best environment to achieve that. But beyond that, it's really up to them. 

Tonia Jahshan: Yes. And here you are. How'd I do Tanya? You know what, I just want to reiterate, the one [00:25:00] thing that I think that I would want people to take away from this conversation is that it is okay to ask for help.

And I think that a lot of people are afraid of that. They're afraid to go and ask for help. There are lots of therapists out there now. I mean, I think they're... They're everywhere. And, and some of them are free too. Like you can, if you really are seeking help, there are options out there for you. Talk to your doctor.

I just think that there's still a lot of people who, who are sitting silently at home suffering and not talking to anyone. And that is what it is. Is going to get people into trouble. I always say silence is a trap because it is a trap because I was silent for so many years and I almost you know, in 2018 almost ended my life because of it because I was too afraid to talk about it.

If there's one thing I can tell people is just go and talk to somebody about it

Jenny Lynne: agree.

 for those of you out there, understanding why [00:26:00] you struggle with asking for help is actually the first step. So what is it about help? Have you? Had an experience in the past where you have built like, like for me, I built my life off of doing it myself.

So there's a pride component in it. There's also you know, are you afraid that people wouldn't be there for you if you ask and that you'd be let down and that that would be shattering and further debilitate your ability to ask for help. Have you gotten into a. a pattern of doing it. Somebody does something for you.

It's not quite done how you want it. Perfectionist in us tends to hate that. And so then you're, you go in and just do it yourself because it's easier. Have you created that talk track, but whatever it is, like figure out what's holding you back and then channeling your community. 

Thank you for emphasizing that, Tanya, asking for help is so important and it's so difficult. Yeah, it is. Any final parting thoughts for us? 

Tonia Jahshan: No, I just want to say thank you for having me on the, on the podcast. It's such an important topic that [00:27:00] that I just feel so passionate about. Being an entrepreneur is not always, it's not a, it's not always a fun ride.

It is an up and down rollercoaster of a ride. And, you know, managing your stress and anxiety is just so important through through the ups and the downs. So, yeah, 

Jenny Lynne: thank you for so much for sharing your story, Tanya. And for those of you who want to check out our company, Sypology, it allows people to have this amazing micro entrepreneur experience.

Uh, You guys have amazing tea. And I am so, so honored to have you on the show. Thank you, Tanya.