How to Build Confidence with Micro Goals | Mental Performance Coach Sean Fee

Confidence isn’t something you magically wake up with one day. It’s built quietly, consistently, and often when no one’s watching.

In this episode, I sit down with mental performance coach and podcast host Sean Fee to talk about what it actually takes to believe in yourself again, especially after burnout, major life changes, or a season that knocked the wind out of you.

We get into:

• Why your brain needs small wins to rebuild confidence
• How micro goals create momentum when motivation is gone
• What “earning your own respect” really looks like in real life
• How routines, boundaries, and self-talk shape performance
• Why acceptance, not hype, is the real mental edge

🎧 Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
 📺 Watch the full episode on YouTube.

Transcript

Sponsor Intros And Warm Welcome

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Avena Women's Care is a collective of 40 plus providers that have been serving Central Ohio communities with comprehensive women's health care for decades. They meet women where they are in every phase of life. From fertility services to menopause care, to annual checkups to 3D mammography, Avena provides robust services for all. So for the highest level of individualized women's health care, there's one name to remember Avena Women's Care. Go to www.avenawomen's care.com to request an appointment. Be sure to tell them Carrie sent you. If you're ready for a true reset, inside and out, Donaldson is here to help you become the very best version of you. They combine cosmetic surgery and functional medicine to support how you look, how you feel, and how you move through the world with care that's personalized, thoughtful, and never one size fits all. But this isn't about changing who you are. This is about feeling refreshed, balanced, and confident again. So if you've been craving a real pick-me-up, Donaldson is ready when you are. Sean V. Yeah. Welcome to the Carrie Cross Show.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

Carrie, I'm so thrilled to be here.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

You know, I'm more thrilled to have you here. Oh, well, thank you. Because you are the podcaster extraordinaire.

SPEAKER_02 1:27

Coming from you, that means the world. Are you kidding? You are like who I look up to in this space. I hope you know that.

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Come on. No, no, tell me more. Tell me more. Oh, you want to you want to hear it? No, no, no. I honestly mean that.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Like you are someone I model myself after in the podcast space. I mean, you've been so generous with your time with me, giving me some tips and stuff, but like you are the Columbus Podcast Queen.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Well, thank you so much. Should I put my crown on, my plastic crown? I should wear that crown the entire time. I'm gonna my title. I am the queen. You heard it here first. That's right. In all seriousness, why don't you tell the people at home how we connected? It'd be better coming from you, especially like the way I pivoted with the meeting and you show up at my door. You know, I just think I want to hear from your perspective.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Yeah, so literally, I mean, like I said, I look up to you and I look up to everything you do, how you carry yourself, um, just honestly, your badass energy, um, how you are have such an entrepreneurial. I always struggle saying that word. It's right, if you did it right. Right. Um, and I've been following your podcast, right, forever, especially being Columbus-based. Um, so I reached out trying to get something on the books with you. I don't remember why specifically, whether it was to come on my show or like just to meet and maybe get coffee or something. And then you're it was one day you were just like, hey, just like come over. So I literally showed up at your doorstep. You're like, here's my address. I think you just got done working out. You're like, here's my garage with all my workout equipment. And the next thing I know, we're chatting about podcast stuff. And then here we are, I don't know, that was probably about a year ago, sitting in the studio with you today. It's pretty surreal.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Yeah. And you know, it's funny, like you were so great. You know, here you are, you were at, you know, you were like trying to get me on the show, and you were like, Hey, can I just have coffee and maybe like we could I could learn a couple things or something? And um, I think it's also a testament to like we all learn from each other because like while you were reaching out to me to learn something from me, I learned just as much from you. I mean, you're the reason why I started doing opus clips. Oh, yeah. So you know, and so it's it, but so it's like, you know, I think we live in a world today, and I've seen this on so many people's clips. Like, oh, I would never, like, you're not getting a free coffee. You're not getting my time. I'm gonna charge you for this. It's like we can always learn from each other. And people who are in a like, I've been around longer than you, so you would think like, oh, I'm the wise one. I think it's smart when you're sitting 20 years out with experience to go find people like you where I can stay relevant, learn things, and keep myself young. You know what I'm saying? So thank you for you know sharing your wealth of information with me.

SPEAKER_02 3:54

Oh, well, Carrie, that means the world. But honestly, like, even when it comes to having the podcast with everything you just said, that's what I'm grateful for. All the things I've learned from the other people. Like, I've been able to interview the top minds in sports psychology, and I'm this up-and-coming mental performance consultant. The education I've got from the podcast in ways to make my job better and even just learning conversational skills, like that's where my true education has come from. Yeah, my master's degree is fine, but like that's real life stuff from the best of the best. Right. So I think we have that in common of like just sitting down with people and learning from them.

Sean’s Work In Mental Performance

SPEAKER_01 4:28

So people at home now are like, okay, wait, what exactly is his podcast and what is his expertise? So, in a very short nutshell, tell them what you do.

SPEAKER_02 4:34

Yeah, so I am a mental performance consultant, uh, certified by the Association for Applied Sports Psychology. I it's a tongue twister, but I'm getting used to saying it. Uh so what I help people do is I help athletes understand how the brain drives the body, basically. So I give them mental plans for moments that might stress them out. Whether it's getting nervous before competition, standing over a five-foot putt with their knees shaking, whether they're burnt out and they need to set some goals, whether they uh have performance anxiety before their game, what are the things we can do to help get them to their peak performance number, what I call it. So basically, I handle the mental side of sport, which is different for every single human being, um, which is what the podcast is all about. Like I said earlier, I've been lucky enough to sit down with uh, like last year I flew to Boston to interview Michael Jordan's sports psychologist. Um last week I sat down with the Jacksonville Jaguars sports psychologists, I've sat down with Olympians, like to your point, these people just love this work and love what they do, so they're happy to share. Even though I'm just this like small Columbus podcast, these people are so intrinsically motivated and love the the their sport where they're like, yeah, sure, I'll come on for an hour.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

How'd you win them all over? Just by the the way you won me over, just being you? Honestly, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

Like, I just reach out via Instagram messages. I put, I'm like the opposite of a salesperson, and I think that can help in this situation sometimes. Because I'm like, hey, absolutely zero pressure at all. But like, here's a clip of mine, like I had this person on once. If you would be interested, I'd love to share your story. I was like, oh, okay, this guy's not pushing anything on me. Maybe I'll check it out. And then that's usually how it ends up working out.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Do you have a similar kind of cadence?

SPEAKER_01 6:15

Yeah. So I um I feel like that was something that I admired in you and wanted to acknowledge because I saw part of like my strategy and myself and what you were doing. You're just being authentically who you are. You have to let people know that you're out there, like, hey, it's me, it's me. Yeah. Because if you don't do that, you know, you you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

Yeah.

Landing Elite Guests With Authentic Outreach

SPEAKER_01 6:39

And then, but when you, you know, you so then it's like cringe when you have to take the shot, right? So when you really are just being who you are, hey, this is what I'm doing. I really admire what you're doing. And I was just maybe hoping that we could X, Y, and Z. Then you set yourself up for rejection. Yeah. So you're cringing, you're setting yourself up for rejection, but it's all in a very authentic way that like you know you have to go through those reps.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

And again, it's like the mental athleticism, like I like to call it in the B lab. Yeah, is um figuring out that everyone looks stupid, everybody's a clown, everybody's a beginner until they're not.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

You know? Um, so I that's truly why. And I don't say not that I get like a million of these every day, but like I get enough. And it's not like I'm saying yes to everything. But when I see something like that with you, I was like, oh, this is a good, he's a good dude. Oh he's a good dude. Well, thank you. And you're you're a baby, you're a little baby, but you've been through adversity. I have. Right? Sure. And we'll we won't go deep, but I think it's important that people understand like you two have gone through your share of hard shit.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:44

And you can say whatever you want to say in terms of what that was, and we can move on. We'll snorkel along the bay there.

SPEAKER_02 7:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:50

Yeah.

Adversity, Divorce, And Purpose

SPEAKER_02 7:50

Yeah. So uh what I'll kind of say is that the last year and a half has been by far the toughest year of my life. Honestly, it's been something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. What I've been saying is like, I used to say that phrase, but now like I actually but I'm gonna be like, ah, there's some people where like I kind of hope bad shit happens. I'm just kidding, but half kidding. Now when I say that, I like genuinely mean it. It's been a really, really rough year and a half. But through that adversity, I genuinely would not be the person I am right now. Um, and I know that's something that you kind of hear a lot when people fight through adversity, but now I really know what that means. I feel more myself than I ever was before any of those things happened. Um, I don't want to go too much into the details behind it, but basically, through the past year and a half, there's been moments where my micro goals for that day, I'm a mental performance coach, so you're gonna hear a lot of like things like that um tools. My micro goals for that day were get out of bed, right? Go to my session, go to the presentation that I have. And sometimes after those presentations that I would give, I do uh presentations at um some universities here in Columbus, I would literally I would do the presentation, hope try to bring my intention back to the moment, which would take absolutely everything from me, and then I'd get to my car and I'd like collapse in my arms because it took so much mental energy for me to get through it. I thought I was just kind of getting through those presentations, right? I'm working working with one of the same teams that I worked with during that time last year, right now. And a couple weeks ago, I did a presentation for them. It's a soccer team here in Columbus, and I had three kids come up to me. I get a little emotional talking about this, but I had three kids come up to me after my last presentation because I shared with them that I was going through a tough time while I was giving the presentations last year. And they came up to me and they shared how the presentations that I was giving last year changed the trajectory of their life in such a positive way. And to me, as someone who was doing everything they could just to get through it, hearing that I actually had an impact on them, I mean, it's it's hard not to get a little choked up thinking about it.

SPEAKER_01 10:03

Yeah, and I mean it's like it just it reminds you that there's so much strength in your story and like just that small little glimpse of whatever it was you were giving them. Like they just people just slap it up with a biscuit, you know, like it's important. What you're doing is important. Now, can we say the D word though? Can we at least say that? Because I know people are thinking, well, what did he go through? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you you got a divorce. Yeah, correct. Yes, and so that means you're single.

SPEAKER_02 10:31

I am. Um, okay. Actually, the next guest on my podcast is like a uh she's a dating expert dating with Gracie. So I'm looking forward. I'm gonna spin it in a mental performance. That's smart, though.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

No wait, dating with Gracie, is she in Columbus?

SPEAKER_02 10:45

Uh, she's not, she's in Indianapolis. I do a lot of Zoom stuff.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Well, it's so funny that you say that because I have someone who I just was introduced to and she's in Dayton.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:55

And she does a, you know, high-end like dating service. And I have a good friend who literally was just connected with someone through her. And so we were talking about bringing her on the show. Oh my gosh, there you go. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. But you're you're sno you're kind of sniffing around. You're like, okay, let's see. Is she gonna try to hook you up?

SPEAKER_02 11:14

Well, no, no, no. It's literally like how I'm framing it, and I I mean this, is like, I want to start getting into some other aspects of like what mental performance means. And I mean, when it comes to maybe approaching a girl at a coffee shop, talk about nurse. Talk about like dealing with some anxiety. So I'm like, I I've interviewed so many sports psychologists and things, and I still want to continue doing that, but let's branch out a little bit. So that's kind of what hey, if I get a nugget or two from her as well. Are you ready to date? Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

What's it do you have a type you want to talk about? Because listen, I don't have a type. Do you don't know that I am a like along with this list of things.

SPEAKER_02 11:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

I'm a self-proposed or self-proclaimed matchmaker. Are you actually I love it? Okay. I love trying to.

SPEAKER_02 11:57

Do you have any anyone in mind just by knowing what you want to do?

SPEAKER_01 11:59

Well, I don't know enough. Like, so you are a little bit of a younger younger demographic than I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 12:05

I've been telling you.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

Now, you've the good thing is is that women outnumber men, right? In terms of singlehood. Do you have a type?

SPEAKER_02 12:13

I was having this conversation the other day. I like don't have a type. And I know that gives us nothing to talk about.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

There has to be like on a but on a maybe not not a physical type, but like I feel like you'd have to have some like characteristics or qualities. Sure.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

Okay. I guess in that sense of things, like I like, I do like someone that's active, right? Like someone that and I don't even mean just like physically, like has to work out all the work out all the time, but like someone who likes doing things, you know, very social. Um I put on my intake form. Uh my therapist describes me as a husky. Like, I need to That's what you meant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I figured that would come up.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Well, you didn't say a husky. You said as husky. So I was like, I was like, he made the game. I was gonna be like, did he gain a little weight or did did my memory stir? I thought he was pretty in shape, but maybe he is husky. Yeah, no, I did. That's okay. Now we're gonna use an example of context. There you go. I'm happy we brought this up a husky. Yeah, I'm gonna be a little bit more. Or like a golden doodle, a golden retriever. Oh, got it.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

You're like, okay. So that's someone that would like to be active, I guess. Okay. So I love that.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Oh my god, this is gonna be really fun. All right.

SPEAKER_02 13:19

I'm I'm happy we brought this up today.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

So we're gonna low-key, we're gonna kind of high key, throw this on the throw this on the world wide web and see if we can get him, you know, just cast get him a coffee date. Yeah, you know what? You gotta cast some. Oh, Kate's over there already thinking in her head, like she's like, we may not even this guy, he may not even make it to prime time. We may get him hooked up before that.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

I did not think we were gonna dive into this today, but here we are.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

I love that. Okay, so let's go back into like the mental, you know, framework and all these things that you're creating for people. We're doing something similar in the B Lab.

SPEAKER_02 13:52

Okay, let's talk.

Dating, Anxiety, And Expanding Topics

SPEAKER_01 13:54

So the B Lab is very new. Um, and we're starting to build a ton of shit, which is why we had to like reschedule or we're gonna reschedule people because we need the next two months to like lock in and build all the shit that's gonna support the demand and the things that are happening. So, what makes the B Lab different and unique and special, in my opinion, is first of all, it is extremely real time. It's very much roll your sleeves up, implement, meet Sean or whoever where they are. So I'm not gonna like sit in a silo, create a bunch of crusty documents and like tell you what I think business strategy is, whatever. Okay. I need to understand who you are as a human being and a business person.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

So this is this is like a consulting.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

So the B lab for a business, for an entrepreneur, yes, and and I hate the word consulting lab.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

I know, I do too.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

But just to give the it's a lab, it's a it's experiential, it's workshopping, it's helping implement, it is basically an ecosystem that we surround you with from an from a network perspective, community perspective, strategy, everything else. But the first thing we do is we do a personality test, we do a really comprehensive intake form, and we get to know you as a whole, okay? Because we firmly believe there are two major components to the journey. And one is mental athleticism.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

I love that.

SPEAKER_01 15:11

Okay. And I love that term, and it means so much to me because it's it's so much more than just like, oh, do you work out? Do you eat protein?

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

It's really like, okay, do you create boundaries? Do you support your beliefs or do you create limiting beliefs inside? Um, who are you surrounding yourself with? What habits are you like? There's so much to mental athleticism. And a lot of times you have to unlock that in order to flow into the business side, right? They have to work, they're separate but inseparable.

SPEAKER_02 15:44

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

So we have such a special way of approaching a human being. And then we plug in, we figure out where are you right now from a business perspective, personal perspective, plug into your matrix, look inside, figure out where we kind of triage, figure out where we can make the most impact, and then we go to work.

The B Lab Approach And Mental Athleticism

SPEAKER_02 16:02

Yeah. What I like about this too is I love the intake process because whether someone ends up working with you or not, it's good to for them to bring awareness to these things in their lives in general. Yes. So that's a win just for them themselves. Yes. From there, it sounds like like people think all the time that the work that I do is very um, I always say, I hope it motivates you to like be better in all these things. And it inspires maybe through some of our stories. But that being said, my goal is to introduce processes and habits in your life that you take away from this. It sounds like that's exactly what you're doing for businesses. It is.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

It is. And I want to hear a little bit about yours, and I can tell you a little, I'll show you, show you yours. I'll show you mine, baby. Um, I want to hear like what would be the first, like for someone who is struggling with burnout, or they're like, man, I'm I've lost my spark. I'm really trying to find it. I'm not feeling like him right now. What would be the the like the olive branch or that low lift thing you would provide?

SPEAKER_02 17:01

Well, the first thing I do, and everything you just said is something I relate to because when I wrestled at West Virginia, I went through burnout and it eventually led to me quitting. So like this is something I'm very passionate about. And I love a lot of-do you know Simon Sinek? Uh I'll I'll send you some clips of his afterwards, but he talks a lot about knowing your why. I'm sure you've heard this before.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

I probably know him if I saw him.

SPEAKER_02 17:19

Right, right. So my why is I'm a resilient person who runs towards difficult tasks. So whenever I'm going through like a rough day or or even just before the podcast today, like if I have any self-doubts, like I hope I do good today, why am I doing this? Blah, blah, blah. Because I'm a resilient person who runs towards difficult tasks. So one of the first things I do with an athlete, especially who is struggling with burnout or maybe losing their love for their sport or something like that, is find their why. Why are you doing this? It's gonna be hard sometimes. You're gonna go through some adversity sometimes. And when I say your why, it's about you as a person. It cannot be outcome driven. So I have prompts. It's like a two-page worksheet where I have prompts where it helps you get to your why, right? That's the process. I'm not just like saying randomly, like, hey, think about your why and come back to me in a couple weeks. It's like these things will help you get there. I think that's a lot of the reason why people pay to see me is because I help make these things easier for them. I didn't think of them, right? So I think that finding your why is at the start of the work in general. Then it's like, okay, where do we go from here? What goals do we need to specifically set to dig out of this hole? What um how can we manage our self-talk in these moments? What physiological things do we need to do, like certain breath work in certain situations if we're feeling a ton of stress before we go out and compete every time? So there's a bunch of different avenues you can go, but I think starting with finding your why is like the kickoff to the work in general.

SPEAKER_01 18:44

Yeah, no, I love that.

SPEAKER_02 18:46

Yeah. You go deep. I go deep early. No, I like that. You know what I mean? It's like to.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

I mean, you really have to. On the mental athleticism side of things, I feel that there are two probably main things or main reasons why people get lost or they kind of feel like they're adrift. And the one thing is that they lack sort of um, they lack pro like priority and mapping toward those priorities, right? So, like, what are your priorities? Like, it's a different way of saying, like, what's your why? So, what is really important to me and how do I map through and focus on those priorities? And then the second part of that is what's the structure and framework that's gonna help me do it every day? Because like, you know, the oey-goooey why and all that is great, but then how do I put that through an assembly line and really like bite-sized micro consistencies every day? Yes. And so we've created this thing called the focus formula. The focus formula, and I, you know, I got this from um, I was like in my sauna, and I was kind of just like, okay, all I had all these things in my brain and like systems and ways that I do things. And I started putting post-it notes and I started to like create I'm a huge post-it guy.

SPEAKER_02 19:56

They're everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

Yeah. And so I was like, okay, what are my like if I had to just like literally take all these thoughts and I had to funnel them through like a focus and priority, like whatever you want to call it, metrics system, yeah, what are they? And I was like, okay, I'm like, me first, invest in your inner circle, build your empire, and then improve the atmosphere. And so then I'm like, okay, cool, like those are my four anchors, right?

SPEAKER_00 20:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

And so when you have those four anchors, like MF, IIC, BYE, ITA, and you see those boxes in your brain, and there's like a little line that flows through, so you can picture that. Yeah. And then another step you have to take in order to figure out what fills those boxes, it's an internal audit and an external audit.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:39

So the internal audit is for Sean. So the internal audit is where I would say to you, all right, Sean, you're gonna take the next week, and here's your it's an exercise, here's your worksheets, here's how you do it. And it's essentially it's as simple as can be. Think of a line drawn in the middle of a piece of paper, and it says like crushing it encryptonite.

SPEAKER_00 20:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:58

So like where in your life are you totally crushing it, and then what what's holding you back? And that's the hard part. Like, what what are the things I'm doing in the dark?

SPEAKER_02 21:06

Yeah.

Burnout, Finding Your Why, And First Steps

SPEAKER_01 21:07

That that and some people's list is bigger than others, right? You seem like a very regimen, like pretty dialed in guy. Yeah. But not everybody's that way, right? So you put all that on your worksheet. And then we work through, okay, let's say you have six things on your kryptonite. We got to triage those. We can't attack everything at one time. So like triage them from highest to lowest. What's the most damaging toward like what's really benign?

SPEAKER_02 21:34

And these are all like in that in that category of things, these are all like controllable things, right? That thing, okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:39

Okay, so like I drink wine every night. Um, I eat McDonald's sixteen times a day. I s I have limiting beliefs and I tell myself I suck twenty five times a day. All these things like really get in there.

SPEAKER_00 21:51

Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

And then decide which ones are the most impactful or important which one you want to, you know. And so then we have to take a approach to either step into something or Step down. Okay. And so what I've found with people is let's use the example of like I drink two glasses of wine a night. What I'd like to do is get up and work out in the morning and not drink wine, but I can't figure out a way to do it. I love it. I love the ritual. I love how it makes me feel. So to say to somebody, well, just quit drinking wine and getting up, that isn't usually the approach.

SPEAKER_02 22:20

So there's no accountability.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

How do we step down from the wine though? Right. Right. So if you're drinking two glasses of wine a night, five nights a week, could you commit to me that the next week, let's try just one glass a night? Or every other day, one glass. Just stepping down and then finding a path to say we're eventually going to get to one a week or whatever that is.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

And I I think the key point there, not to interrupt, but I just get passionate about this. The key point there is the let me know, the accountability piece of it. Not like, hey, let's talk in a couple. No, you I need to be held accountable to this thing while you're building a new habit because it is gonna be hard. Yeah. That's what's gonna change the behavior. Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

So then you're like, hey, what did we do last week?

SPEAKER_02 23:04

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:04

There's little lines. How many did you have on Monday?

SPEAKER_02 23:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:07

How many did you have on Tuesday? How much okay? Then you have the external audit, which I think is equally as important, but much harder.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

So the external audit is a circle. Visualize a circle. Yep. Then you have Sean in the middle. Just put your name. Then you have tiny little circles equidistant around the circle. And so I'm going to ask you to put the title of the people closest to you in those circles. Is it dad? Is it your cousin Tim? You know, whoever, husband, wife, whatever. So you have the titles, you have the people in these circles. And then one by one, I you have you look at the the like so you zone in on one circle. And let's say it's my cousin, just for example. Sure. I'm gonna put a line through cousin, and then I want to put, then we have three lines below it. So cross out the name cousin, and then I want you to name the three feelings or the three things that you feel that come up when you see that person's name, like when you experience that person. So is it judged? Is it is it small? Is it uplifted?

SPEAKER_02 24:10

So it's both. It's just whatever you feel good and bad. Anything you feel. Okay. Good and bad. It's probably a mix of both for most.

Focus Formula, Audits, And Accountability

SPEAKER_01 24:18

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SPEAKER_02 25:47

I like that.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

So now I'm going and I'm looking at the three lines. And I'm gonna say, okay, is this a net positive, neutral, or negative relationship based on this? So then you're gonna put a positive. I mean, this is so elementary, right? Yeah, but it's fantastic. Right. So then now I have this circle with probably six to eight circles.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:07

And now you have the glaringly obvious neon sign of these positive or negative things. And then you get to look at that and go, well shit, I have just allowed I've got all positives, which is great. Okay, I'm I'm crushing it. Or wait, there's like 40% negative. Yeah. And like when I look at this, how do I, how can I like propel myself forward when like 40% of my stuff here is negative? And so the idea isn't we say, okay, cut these people off, or we say, go talk to this person immediately. I just want you to sit with that for like a week.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

Yeah, what does that mean to you? I don't know. How much is it draining you or not?

SPEAKER_01 26:48

And then and then what you have to decide is do you create boundaries that are sort of internal and happen very, very, you know, carefully over time, depending on the relationship. Do you have an overt conversation with someone or you cut a bitch off?

SPEAKER_02 27:03

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:04

Ain't nothing to cut that big job.

SPEAKER_02 27:06

Which sometimes, yeah. Right? So, but but the especially as you get older. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:10

So you've got you've got the internal audit, the external audit. Now you can take and you can go, okay, in my me first, if I want to stop drinking wine every week, that's in my me first. If I want to start running three times a week, that's in my me first. If I want to sauna for now, you can fill in and then your inner circle, who are the people that I'm gonna focus on? What's my plan to sort of remove this person? Or, you know, you start to dial in, and then every day you go back to those boxes and you say, Am I holding myself accountable? What's working, what's not? Yeah. What's in the boxes can be fluid, but those anchors always stay there. And if something isn't in one of those anchors, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:48

See you later.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

You you but you it it gives you permission to like lose it.

SPEAKER_02 27:52

It lets you look at it a little bit more objectively. Yeah. Than tying all the emotion to it. Right. Yeah. So there you go. It's incredible. What I love is the holistic piece of it. Right. In athletics, we see this a lot, right? It's a it's people are either just focused on performance, of like in your case, it would be a lot of like working with entrepreneurs, like how much money are you making, right? And just focusing on that. It's not very often that they're focusing in a especially with consultant, like it's not very often they're focusing on the person and the inner person and their friends and their family members. But at the end of the day, especially to sustain that over a long period of time, those are gonna be the things that matter the most. Yeah. So that's fantastic that you're doing. I think it, I think it's amazing. But you know what? Not too far off from what I do. No, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Yeah, it's just kind of a different rapper, right? 100%. But we also have entrepreneurs that come in, they're like, you know what? I'm pretty good on like the mental athleticism side. I just want to jump into the strategy. Okay, so you No, we're good, we're good with that. Like it's we we meet you where you are.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

I do the same thing. So I have some athletes who are like, I'm super mentally strong. I just want to learn how to visualize before my golf shots better because I'm probably gonna be a pro golfer one day and I need to be that next level. So you gotta be flexible in the sport for sure.

SPEAKER_01 29:00

Totally.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

So name some other, give me some other like mental I love to hear like the mindset hacks.

SPEAKER_02 29:07

Oh man. Give me a scenario, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

Okay, so we did the burnout scenario. What about like when you said like before you came, like before you came today or whatever, like limiting beliefs, or why am I doing this, or I don't want to do this?

SPEAKER_02 29:19

Like, how do you sure? So I would say at the core of my philosophy, it's about acceptance, right? Like it's not sports psychology isn't about being like, hey, I'm gonna teach you how to not be nervous. It's no, if you care about the thing, you're gonna be nervous. What's your plan? So, like for today, I kind of sound like a psycho, like one of those I see these go viral on social media where they wake up at like midnight and they're like, I have three days before you even wake up, and I take a cold shower and a sun. But I kind of do those things, right? Because for me, as someone who this is my livelihood, right? This is my game day, this is the way for me to still be an athlete. Before today, I did my what I usually do, I call it my pre-podcast routine, right? I build the same thing for athletes where I help them get to their number of like, um, I call it like mental stimulation where they perform their best, right? I did the same thing today. I take my own advice. This morning, I did all the things I just said. Woke up an hour earlier to play with my new puppy, Murphy, because I knew he was gonna have to go in his crate earlier, did the sauna, went for a walking meditation, uh, did cardio, lifted. Like this all sounds crazy, but it only took me two hours, and now I'm such a better version of myself for you today. I'm present, I'm not thinking about other things, I'm not anxious, I'm with you here right now. And that's all because of the mental processes I had in place. Now, those things sound like a lot, but I don't even have to think about it. They're all just things I do. So, like I knew for something like this, I'd have to get up a little bit, right? Like I'd I would maybe be a little bit nervous. Yes, I have a podcast, but I'm usually sitting in kind of your shoes, right? Um, so this is somewhat new being on the on the other side of things. So I accepted the fact that I was gonna be a little bit nervous. I dealt with it by going through my routines and not giving me time to overthink, and then I showed up here. Also during my run today, I kind of visualized how I wanted the conversation or how the conversation could go. I do that before every single podcast I do. Um so I go through questions in my head. I'm and it sounds like I'm pre-rehearsing things, but for me, it's just making me more comfortable in case certain things come up.

SPEAKER_01 31:23

It's preparation. It's prep. How are we tracking versus like your ideal uh frame up for the show in your brain?

SPEAKER_02 31:28

Right now, today? Yeah, how are we tracking? Me personally, or like how this is together.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

This is how it's going. I think it's fantastic.

SPEAKER_02 31:34

Perfect. Okay. I love how you something I'm working on. You do a great job of like, oh, we're rolling. I didn't know that. I struggle with that. You open so you it's perfect, it's seamless. I mean, like, hey everyone. Well, I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

And I I will say this. Um, I'll take that compliment. Yeah. Maybe it's my age. I don't know, but all of that's very natural for me.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

I do find that it's easier for me when I am prepared and when I the more reps I do, of course. But that is, it's when we do, we will do like coaching for people and help them on the mic.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:05

And help them become because that's the thing people want the most, is like, how do you do that? How are you so natural? And I think it's just that. It's like not everyone, most people are not.

SPEAKER_00 32:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

I mean, when I review podcasts, like if I'm gonna have somebody on the show and I'm like, I better go back and listen, I just want to hear what how they sound.

SPEAKER_00 32:21

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

I like to learn just as much about them, but also like the questions that are being asked. But I'll be like, what the f like people, they just change when the microphone comes. It's like so. My biggest advice to people would be to the extent that you can do this, try not to change so much when the mic turns on. And that's easier said than done. But it's also like, I don't have all the answers. I'm a knucklehead, a dirtbag. I'm a I'm I am like a seeker of things. I do not have answers, okay?

SPEAKER_02 32:53

Right.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

And I think when you level and become human like that and just want to have fun and make somebody and really truly want to learn, yeah, you kind of you forget. You even forget all this bullshit's going on.

SPEAKER_02 33:05

100%. I I especially like how you do almost do you do all yours in person?

SPEAKER_01 33:10

I try.

SPEAKER_02 33:13

Yeah. I get people in person whenever I can. Trevor Burrus, Jr.

Routines, Nerves, And Game Day Preparation

SPEAKER_01 33:16

But see the thing with you, it's like you have certain people that you want to get. And so they're everywhere and it's only a matter of, you know, and I think for you, like you have such a specific dialed-in expertise that people are looking for the information more than they are like, oh, it's stylistic or it's oh I don't have the same it's like we have we have kind of different um that's true.

SPEAKER_02 33:35

Mine is very specific. That's why I am starting to branch out a little bit too into some other directions with the with the core and mental performance. But like I think it's important to see some other areas.

SPEAKER_01 33:44

But let's back into um my I'm curious about this morning routine. So the what time did you wake up?

SPEAKER_02 33:50

Today?

SPEAKER_01 33:51

Yeah. Uh like seven. Oh, you didn't wake up until seven? Yeah, no, seven. Okay, so seven, then you play with your dog for how long?

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Uh I don't know, uh 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

Okay. And then that was a dopamine hit.

SPEAKER_02 34:01

Yeah. Fantastic. What a great way to start the day. So then he's 10 weeks old, so he's like Golden Retriever Puppy Murphy.

SPEAKER_01 34:08

Okay. So then the the meditating walk?

SPEAKER_02 34:11

Yeah. I do that every single day now. How long was that? It's been incredibly beneficial to my well-being. Um an hour.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

So you walked for an hour. Correct.

SPEAKER_02 34:19

So that was Well, I cheat. I run.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

Okay. So that was your So your cardio and your walk was the same?

SPEAKER_02 34:25

Correct. Which is a two for one. Okay, so you ran for an hour. Yep. At what pace? Not fast. Um like I ran the Boston Marathon and I I don't run fast. I just like to run. Aaron Powell But for 60 minutes you ran. Yeah. And then you lifted. Correct. How much did you lift how long did you lift? Twenty minutes. Twenty-five minutes. Uh today I did arms. And then what like specifically what muscles? Uh I don't I just did basic. I don't really know to be honest. Really? Curls.

SPEAKER_01 34:52

So how what what are the what weight? Like what pounds?

SPEAKER_02 34:55

What pounds? Yeah. I think forty- forty-five curls. Is this for the is this for the dating aspect we're talking about? No.

SPEAKER_01 35:02

I am so curious about like the very I the very the intricacies of this I'm so curious about.

SPEAKER_02 35:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

Um very simple.

SPEAKER_02 35:09

Like not none.

SPEAKER_01 35:10

Where was this at? Your ho in your house?

SPEAKER_02 35:12

Uh my my apartment has a gym.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:14

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:14

So but you go like real hard in the paint for 20 minutes where you're like, I'm just gonna like 100%.

SPEAKER_02 35:18

I get bored. I get bored. So I gotta do it. I do gotta do it quick. I never work out longer than a half hour when it comes to lifting. But for some reason I can run for a long time.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

It was a little bit well because you uh you probably get in your zone. And I think some people are just built for running.

SPEAKER_02 35:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:31

So it was it was a little longer than two hours.

SPEAKER_02 35:34

Was it a little bit longer than the other? You're doing the math there.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

Yeah, of course I am. But not everybody has that time.

SPEAKER_02 35:38

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

To do that.

SPEAKER_02 35:41

Sure. Like with kids.

SPEAKER_01 35:42

Yeah, with oh, kids, forget about it. Fuck. I mean, good luck. Bye-bye. Bye-bye, 60-minute run.

SPEAKER_02 35:48

I think to that point, though, it's like you can do all those things. I had more time this morning, especially because I blocked off for this, right? You can be more efficient. Like for me, the walking meditation is really important to me. But I didn't I don't have five hours in my day, so I combine that in cardio. Yeah. It's like, where can you be more efficient in your day? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:06

And I I love um, I don't even know where I heard this, but you know, like the whole min-max spectrum that I that I try to do to myself too, because now like traditionally, I'm an all or nothing person. And this is partly why I created this dot part of the system that is part of the mental athleticism. It's basically just do one thing every day because I am traditionally the girl that wants to like throw my head against the wall for 60 minutes working out, or I don't want, or I don't want it.

SPEAKER_00 36:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:34

Uh I'm the girl that looks at like the garage and I want to, I want to literally take the entire garage apart, or I don't want to like just do a small. And so what happens is your ability to execute every time on that level is lower. You know, at least I have found. And so I finally said, like, what if you just did one thing every day? So like if I only have a minimum in one day, I can only do the very, very minimum.

SPEAKER_00 37:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

Could I do a 20-minute something in the garage? Could I do a five-minute breath work? Yeah. Could I organize one drawer? Could I say one little prayer? So I can simplify. So like every day I think to myself, okay, today I don't have a lot of time. But from a spiritual perspective, can I just say thank you for my health? Can I just sit for a minute and be grateful for X, Y, and Z? Yeah, I probably could do that. And then mentally, I don't have time for a 60-minute moving meditation, but I certainly can sit in my car and listen to Enya for five minutes and breathe.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 37:34

Organizationally, which is I think is so big for some people and me, this has had such a heavy lift for me in a positive way. Like, how many times will we look at a drawer that's like so like messy or like that, but we want to do like a big thing. It's like, no, every day it's like my glove compartment. I just did it recently with my glove compartment. I was like, just do this little part. And then when you're doing those little things every day, it doesn't help but add up. And then you have physical, right? So like a big one for me is to really mentally tell myself like 20 minutes matters. Yeah. Just because you can't do 60 minutes today, 20 minutes matters. Do the best you can, max effort, 20 minutes. Shout out to Corey G Dustin. Yeah, I am. Max effort, baby. Oh my God, I love those guys. Yeah. Um, so you know, just being able to say, oh, screw it. You know, I can't do any of it. Yeah, you can.

SPEAKER_02 38:25

Yeah. It's like what what can you do? What's your minimum? Yeah, and you have to prioritize. Have you found that when you because when I'm introducing new processes to people, a lot of times they're like, that seems like more work. And I'm like, I get it. I get why entering this routine and these habits would seem like more work. Because guess what? It is at first. It's a lot more work. But then eventually it's going to bring you mental clarity because these are just going to become habits. The hard part is it does take time and it might throw you off for a little bit. Do you find how do you help people through those moments of just like getting them to start when it can seem a little overwhelming?

Minimum Viable Habits And Micro Wins

SPEAKER_01 38:58

To ramp into it. Yes. You know, and I think um, I mean, first of all, where there's a will, there's a way. I think some people think they want something, but then when you give them actual steps to get to the top, you realize you're like, I well, you're not willing. Like, so you I can't you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. So when you have someone who's willing and really wants it, I feel like it still takes time. But what I found is people latch on to something more than something else. So for example, something might resonate like the internal audit may really get somebody. Somebody else might really resonate with the external audit. Or for someone else, they were like, Yeah, I did that. That's fine. But like this dot system, holy shit. Yeah. You know, I just had somebody the other day say, you know, I literally was doing that with my car. Like I've been cleaning one small thing and I think about it all the time now. And it's making them feel like the wheels are turning faster. So I do feel like there's a ramp into any kind of system or process, but we've tried to create this thing that's so kind of bite-sized and elementary and simple and incremental that it's like, okay, grab onto one rung. Got it? Okay, grab onto this one. Got it? Cool. Let's go here. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 40:15

Micro goals.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

Yeah, but it's all, it's all very um anything that you see like this whole, this holistic mental athleticism. If I showed it to all to you one time, like, hey, here's how I it's like, oh wow, this is great. But I think just stepping in, you know, moment by moment and just being supportive and then when people kind of see how, oh wait, this does weave into my business. And oh wait, this does weave into my family life. And, you know, you start to the momentum grows.

SPEAKER_02 40:42

And they start to celebrate and you're there with them to celebrate those wins a little bit. Um, I did a presentation the other night where I was talking about micro goals, and we talked about how your brain literally changes to like get it gets used to winning when every day you set these little micro goals, like all those things I did this morning. They're little mic micro goals that made me feel a lot better about myself because I'm checking them off. You're doing the same thing with your clients, right? And that gives you momentum and it gets your brain used to winning and seeing yourself do positive things on a daily basis. Yep. Then you stack days, and then it takes a long time, you don't see progress, but then eventually you look up and you're like, whoa, we're here. Yep, this is sweet. It's so true.

SPEAKER_01 41:21

One of our like fundamental beliefs that we have is that you know, first you have to believe in yourself. And this is not rocket science, right? I didn't make this up, but you have to believe, and that's a huge problem. Ted Lassa. But that's a huge fucking problem for people. It's huge. Yeah, it's everything. So building that belief in yourself, and it's that doesn't mean you're you're you're gonna feel like you're perfect all the time, but really building that belief system that that that breeds confidence, and then when you start to feel the confidence, that breeds the momentum, that breeds the results, and then and then that you know it's just it's an it's an unstoppable dynamic. Yeah, well, very well said, you know, yeah, but it's um I I I have worked with multiple, multiple entrepreneurs now in the last year, and if I'm looking back on everything, yes, there are business obstacles, there are bottlenecks, there are so many things in the business side that need help, right? Whether it's financial clarity, whether it's you know starting another location. There's I can name so many. But where people truly are stuck and where they really need help is the belief in themselves and that things can be done.

SPEAKER_02 42:37

Yeah, nothing else matters if you don't have that. And there's things you can do to build that. And that sounds like we're what we're both passionate about doing. Um because people are lost. A lot of people don't know their why, they have no idea why they're doing things. They might just be in their business because they have this, they have this idea, but like they don't know the why behind it, or they don't truly they're interested in it, but do they believe in it? Right. I think those two things are very, very different. And I think what you said there too about like mapping out this is this is what it's gonna take. Does your belief level match that? Because when it doesn't, we're gonna have to do some, we're gonna focus on that belief area for a while. Oh, yeah. Until we start to, you know, go wrong to wrong there.

SPEAKER_01 43:16

It's like, but when the rubber meets the road is when you really realize who wants to do the work.

SPEAKER_02 43:20

It also weeds a lot of people out. To bring up Dustin Myers, he brought that up on our show. Um he's he literally said that he's like, you stay in something long enough. First of all, you're gonna get good enough at the thing because you're getting your reps in, but also you're weeding everyone else out. Like, I'm a mental performance consultant. I do this long enough. There's not that many of us around, right? That stay in it because it is hard. It is hard to stay in it. It's not like it's a very unique path, right? But eventually you'll weed everyone else out and you'll be good enough at the job because you've got the reps in, right? So that's half the battle.

SPEAKER_01 43:51

Yeah. But somebody might say, Well, yeah, you know, you say like believe in yourself. Well, how the like how do you do that? Like, how do you draw it in?

SPEAKER_00 43:57

Yeah.

Belief, Confidence, And Sustainable Growth

SPEAKER_01 43:58

And and in my opinion, You have to earn your own respect. It's no different than me earning your respect or you earning my respect. And so we're so focused on what this person thinks of me or how I'm coming off on this podcast or externally, but like we will flake on ourselves. We will let ourselves down, right? Yeah. So go back to the internal audit. What are these things that we've listed that we want to change about ourselves and just do one of those things effectively for a period of time and that will start to build up your belief.

SPEAKER_00 44:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:35

Getting closer to being your own best friend, your own confidant, leaning on yourself and your intuition more than you lean on external people or things. But you have to earn that. So the belief system, I think, is built with these commitments, these micro decisions, these little habits or little things that take you from your what we call current version of self to your ideal version of self. And, you know, you can't you can't skirt away from that. You can't avoid it. And a lot of people just don't, they you know, they want to be all the things and they want it, but they don't want to get in and actually do those, what I feel are, they're not easy, yeah, but very specific things that could start to build that belief, to build the confidence, to build the momentum, to get the results.

SPEAKER_02 45:22

Absolutely. With that, it's it's one of those things too, where if they don't, if they don't believe in themselves as much as they believe in their business, or like an athlete doesn't believe in themselves, maybe they're the most talented person in the world, but it's because their parents forced them to play the sport when they were a kid and they're just good at like it's not sustainable. It's not gonna be able to. I know that might ruffle some feathers because it's probably helped it helped me through some times. But also through those downs, like when you're going through, let's say, building a business or for an athlete, either way, it's the same, it's the same shit, right? What you're going through ups and downs. But if you learn from those downs, those tough moments, then it's still growth. So, like, are those downs really downs? As corny as that is, that's kind of how I look at it. Um, so it sounds like you're doing a great job of helping people do just that.

SPEAKER_01 46:18

We're we're trying, just like you.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's my goal.

SPEAKER_01 46:22

Where can people find you? Somebody's out there like, ooh, I might want to work with this gentleman.

SPEAKER_02 46:26

Yeah. So uh you can find me on Instagram. It's probably the best way to do it. Um at the well at Well Sport Pod. Uh you can email me at sf at thegolfroom.com. Um and also it doesn't even have to be about business specifically. Like, please reach out and just share your thoughts on maybe some of my videos, my guests. Um, I love to nerd out about this stuff.

SPEAKER_01 46:46

So yeah. And if anybody is like, you know, looking around thinking I may want to have a little coffee with this fine young woman.

SPEAKER_02 46:53

You can find that on my personal account at Sean Fee One. We'll keep those two things separate.

SPEAKER_01 46:58

You can also reach out to moi, and I will give this I'll give this same disclaimer that I've given on these other, you know, episodes where I am the quasi uh matchmaker. I love it. If you do DM me, your privacy will be protected. I will keep it very safe and cozy and make sure that it is handled in a very uh respectful and private way. You're the best.

SPEAKER_02 47:21

This could be another side business for you, honestly.

SPEAKER_01 47:24

Listen, like, come on. It's all wide open. It's all wide open. Well, thank you so much, Sean.

SPEAKER_02 47:32

Carrie, it truly, truly, truly means the world. Um, I think you know that me coming to you a year ago for advice and now me being able to actually actually say I've been on your show is a really big deal for me. So it's a good thing. The honor was all mine. Oh, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

The honor was all mine. And I and I look forward to just continuing to watch you just grow and crush and shine. Because there's it's not a matter of if, it's when with you.

SPEAKER_02 47:54

Thank you. That means the world. And same to you.

SPEAKER_01 47:55

And if you're still out there following your girl, follow me on YouTube, Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcast. And until next time, go look up Sean and keep moving, baby.