You'll Support Women...Until They Make You Uncomfortable. (We Can Do So Much Better.)

The internet loves to scream “women supporting women”… right up until a woman makes a choice they wouldn’t make themselves.

This episode starts with the backlash around Lisa Oxenham’s British Vogue essay about becoming a mom at 49—and spirals into a much bigger conversation about judgment, fertility, grief, motherhood, ambition, and why women can be brutal to each other when something feels unfamiliar, audacious, or uncomfortable.

We talk about the comment sections that turn into courtrooms.
The silent competition.
The projection.
The “I support women… but not like THAT” energy.

I also share how infertility and loss completely changed the way I look at people’s choices. Because once life humbles you enough, you stop assuming you know what someone else should be doing with their body, timeline, career, or family.

We also get into Emma Grede’s comments about women in power, why society says it wants powerful women but struggles when women actually take up space, and what I’ve learned becoming an older mom—aka you finally realize not every tiny thing deserves a full psychological investigation.

And we end with this:
Can you actually name the thing that makes you you?
Your edge.
Your essence.
Your fingerprint-level badassery.

This one is honest, spicy, emotional, funny, and probably a little uncomfortable at times—which usually means it’s worth having.

If it hits, send it to a friend, leave a review, and come hang with us on YouTube.

Transcript

Quick Hello And Solo Cast Setup

Keri Croft 0:00

Hey there, you beautiful badass. Badass.

unknown 0:03

Badass.

Keri Croft 0:05

Welcome to the Carrie Croft Show. Welcome back, friend, to another solo cast with yours truly. Hopefully it's quick and dirty. Like I like to have my solo cast, you know, 20 minutes or less. Last week we talked a little bit about Emma Greed, um, had a little rant there about the e-scooters, heard from some of you on that. I'm still still a little bit perplexed there, but but I digress.

Why Women Judge Other Women

Keri Croft 0:34

Today we're gonna stay on this train, though. We're gonna stay on this women judging women train. Because I like it here. I like it here right now. Because I saw something last week. It was around the time actually that the M agreed and stuff started blowing up. And there's this woman, her name is Lisa Oxenham, and she was in British Vogue. And the title of the article that she wrote is Having a Baby at 49 was the most self-aware decision of my life. And as she she starts talking about her experience with having a baby at 49 and just the judgment and the comment section, and people just feeling so inclined to jump into her comments and just tell her things like, you know, you're selfish, you should be ashamed of yourself, people are gonna think you're the grandma. And a lot of these comments are coming from females and females who have never been in the shoes of someone who possibly either can't have a child until later because they've they're just trying and it's not working, or God forbid, they've just chosen, you know, their God-given right to choose and to have autonomy in this world to have a child later in life. Taking a step back, because you can you can use what I'm about to tell you, you can plug this into anything, any sort of opinion situation. But what I've learned throughout life, and I think part of it is with age, but another part of this really came for me when I did have the devastating things that happened when I was trying to conceive. So when we lost Angel at, you know, 22 weeks and my life fell apart, and I watched all of my friends continue to have these successful pregnancies and become moms. I learned very quickly during that situation, you know, life does not revolve around me. A. And then B, there are different lenses that we can choose to put on situations. The positive thing that going through really hard shit gives you, if you allow it, is perspective, is grace. It's the ability to go, huh, you know what? I I've been there, not the same exact situation, but I can feel and remember how I felt. And so I'm going to either not judge the situation, give it grace. And it never ceases to amaze me how people who have never been in a situation, who have no understanding, no perspective, no life experience to back it up, but are so quick and so reflexive to judge another's experience. And I just, you know, I'm here to let you know all the people that want to judge and all the people want to shame and be in the comment section because you think you know what's right for another woman in her life on her path. It is okay and completely appropriate for you to shut the fuck up. And I mean that in with all due respect. If you have not walked in someone's shoes and you don't know what it's like to experience something, step aside. Step aside. And that's what I've learned through my life experience and through loss and through struggle. And so it doesn't even matter, like back to Lisa and her decision to have a baby at 49. It doesn't matter. Like, let's say she just decided that she put her career first. She was in her 30s and she was thriving and things were happening and she didn't meet the right person. And so all of a sudden, she's in her mid-40s and she's deciding she wants to have a baby. Okay. That's no skin off your ass. That is her path to take. You know, that is her journey. Why do you care? Why are you so up in the comment section about it when you have no vantage point? So let's say that's the scenario. Fine. That is her right. This is America. She can do whatever the fuck she wants to do. Number two, let's say she did struggle. Let's say she didn't have success having a baby and it took her that long to have one. Have you gone through that? Do you know? Do you know the struggle? Do you know the shame? Do you know that every single day that it's hard for you to think of anything else? Every single second of every day of your life is consumed with trying to conceive this child, trying to get your body to do this thing that Mother Nature is allowing everyone else around you to do so beautifully. Do you know what that feels like? If you don't, shut the fuck up. Like I just, I am so annoyed with this performative women supporting women type shit. I see it all the time. And most of the time, it's completely surface level. And, you know, whether it's, yeah, I'll support you, as long as you're riding the line that I think you should be writing, and then you're making these decisions that fall in line with my perspective, my lens of the world, then we're cool. I think the real way you support and show up for another woman is to step back and say, huh, well, there's a there's an audacious decision that Lisa made to have a baby at 49. So, number one, let's get curious. Let's understand her story and try to figure out like, wow, what would make somebody decide to have a baby at 49? Peel it back, get curious, you know, and look around, by the way. Look around. There are so many women right now choosing to have children in their 40s. So, and I am gonna argue this as a mom who had a child at 44, as a mom who had another one via surrogate at 48, there are parts of me as a mother that are, I mean, in spades, well beyond in terms of my wisdom, um, not my patience, let's be honest. But I think whether I was 20 or 90, that is not something I was given a huge dose of, still working on it. Experience in life, not taking things so freaking seriously. Like, you know, if if if everything that hits their lips isn't organic, the whole world is gonna implode and I'm gonna melt onto the floor. You know, it's like all these things we wrap ourselves up around the axle over as as moms, you know, I feel like you loosen that up a little bit. So there's a there's a version of me and motherhood that my kids are getting right now that they wouldn't otherwise get. And yes, am I ignorant to the fact that time is not necessarily on my side? I am not ignorant to the fact. In fact, as most moms uh in general, but even like the older moms, you do it every day. You you do the math in your head every day, if you're me. Yep, I'm still gonna be X years old when they're graduating from high school. Yep, I'm gonna be. Yeah, but that's not your place to judge. That's my path, my decision, and I have to walk that to fruition. That's not for you to put your critical judgmental lens on. Like back off. Back the fuck off. Seriously, until I get a little bit passionate about this conversation.

More Women In Power Needed

Keri Croft 8:32

And so circling back to Emma Greed from last week's solo cast, like something else that was that was talked about, I watched the her her podcast with Oprah, and she said this multiple times, and she's not wrong. You know, we are in desperate need of more females in powerful positions in today's world. We are desperate for women in power positions. And so if you're a woman, instead of looking at somebody like Emma Greed or looking at someone like Lisa and just immediately pushing to judgment because it's different than what your expectations of life are or what you think it should be, or your belief system, you are literally a speck of shit dust. Do I need to remind you of that? That you're a speck of shithust in the world? Like, who cares what you think? Who cares? When did we all get so like like that our opinion on everything is so important? It's not. It is, it is not. But as a woman, shouldn't you at the at least, shouldn't you at least be excited about the prospect of women kind of waking up, taking ownership, um, doing the things that maybe they were afraid to do before, having financial conversations, making big moves in the boardroom, not asking for permission, not hiding behind soft ambition, having the tough conversations, aren't you kind of like slow clapping? How can we not all just slow clap for each other? I like I don't understand that. If you are someone who's like judging or getting so quick and so self-righteous on this like pedestal that you're on, again, like I am going to invite you cordially invite you to shut the fuck up. Okay. So anyway, I'm I'm off my soapbox, but I feel very passionately about this. Like, let's not just say it, let's not pretend and be performative about it. Let's literally support each other in the ways that matter. Um, and all come, you know, all at least agree that we do need more women in powerful positions, that it is smart for women to be more bold and more audacious and more able to have conversations that maybe, you know, in the past were too scary or they were kind of, you know, too afraid to have. And that is the world I want to live in. And it's actually the community that I am really trying hard to create here is having a very tight-knit group of women, builders and you know, business women and you know, ballers that like want to just come together and learn from each other and riff off of one another and amplify and connect and inspire, not judge, not like, you know, just all the catty nonsense, just really truly seeing the value in the other woman. And I think the more confident that you are with yourself and your life experience and what essence you can bring into the room, the more confident you are, the more able you are to connect with another woman and to see what they have inside and what they've got going on and to let them know, you know, and there's nothing, that's the vibration that I want

Naming Your Unique Badassery

Keri Croft 12:03

to be on. And that's the vibration that you should want to be on. And so I'm gonna, I'm just gonna end this just with a little, you know, question for you, I guess, is like, are you that person? Are you the woman who, you know, feels strong enough inside, confident enough, that knows who you are, has a relationship with yourself, can really articulate what you bring to the table, the essence that you bring that's very unique, that's very specific, like a fingerprint. What is your unique essence and badassery? And if you can do that and you can really think about that, and it gets you really fired up to think about what this specific thing is you bring into the world, because by the way, it's okay to do that. Oh my God, she thinks she's so awesome. She, I hope you think you're awesome. I hope you think you're awesome. You're walking around with yourself until the end of time, until you're gone. So, like, I really hope you like yourself, because if you don't, it's gonna be a pretty shitty ride. If you are someone who can do that, articulate that about yourself, then you are also someone who can walk into a room full of other women who can do that and not feel slighted and not feel threatened and not feel like, ooh, what's going on over here? It's like, no, hell yes. Hell yes, queen. Let's bring all that together and let's see what happens. Let's shimmy and shake in the badassery. You know, so ask yourself, are you the person who can do that or not?

Calls, Sharing, And Final Push

Keri Croft 13:36

And if you're not, let's figure out a way for you to be, you know, and that's why I have these 15-minute calls on my my link in my bio. Like, if you're not, let's have a conversation. I mean, I would love to get underneath why, because I guarantee we could find some things about you that are very special and that only you can bring into the world. And so if you're not seeing that or if you need a new perspective, I am your girl, boo. You know, but please don't continue to walk around in that mid-meh, like low vibration state. Life is too short and you got too much good shit going on, girl. Seriously. And if you're hanging out with a crowd of people who are mid and you're like, ooh, but I don't want to stick out because Becky and Amy and Sarah, fuck them. Like, truly fuck them. If they're mid and they're just there to kind of keep you down, you gotta break out, honey. You've got to break out. And once you break on through to the other side, you I promise you one thing, you will not regret it. Set up a call with me. And if you know any other badasses, so I am like a magnet for badassery. I want founders, uh, I want these people who are building things, making things, creating things, very unique creatures. And I know they're everywhere in Columbus. I mean, we had a ton of them at the IRL, and I've been having 15-minute calls literally all week long with these women, and it has been so freaking exciting. So if you are someone or you know someone who you think fits that mold and would be uh a fit to be enveloped into this amazing vortex that we have building here, I would love, love to talk to you. Another thing, if you get anything out of this show, this podcast, please share it with a friend. Don't hoard it. Pass it on. Uh, please rate the show. Truly, I hope that something out of this conversation resonated with you. I hope that you'll reach out to me and set up a call. You have no idea how many people have set up calls with me. I have no idea who they are. I love seeing the names come through. And I cannot wait. I cannot wait to get to know you. Like right now, I have no idea who you are. If you set up a call, next thing you know, you don't know what kind of magic we can make. At a minimum, I can give you some tough love, a pep talk, and a slap in the ass. You will not regret it. I think that's about it today. I'm gonna need a nap after that soapbox. And until next time, keep moving, baby. Oh, and one more thing. I know I've given you a whole laundry list here, but if you have a little time today and you think about it, follow us on YouTube. That would be so great. And keep moving, baby.