Episode 155 - Cooking the Water Lets the Sin In

The hosts celebrate Pie and Beer Day with pizza pie, tiny strawberry-rhubarb pies, actual beer, a root beer float, and green tea for anyone whose digestive tract has already filed a formal grievance. The festivities immediately dissolve into Utah’s apocalyptic summer weather, Hercules-era Thebes comparisons, sundial penis cosplay, the creative scholarship of r/cospenis, and an extensive catalogue of porn-title wordplay that absolutely nobody requested and everyone desperately needed.

The pop-culture side quests continue through Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey, Elliott Page’s casting, Claudia’s honeymoon pilgrimage through Carmel, the Madonna Inn, Disneyland, San Francisco, and Carrot Top’s ancient Las Vegas residency. The group also investigates Abigail’s cursed purple dress, the Costa Concordia disaster and its deeply punchable captain, and a mysterious rain of bluegill fish, which was either caused by a confused pelican, Utah’s developing Sharknado infrastructure, or God finally attempting a miracle with whatever aquatic scraps were left in the celestial freezer.

OOPS ALL SCIENCE!

The hosts return to the CES Letter’s brief science section, where Mormonism insists that “true science” and “true religion” cannot conflict before immediately driving Adam and Eve directly into the fossil record. The discussion covers the claim that death entered the world only after Adam’s fall around 4,000 BCE, despite billions of years of extinction, ancient hominids, mass extinction events, and an entire geological archive refusing to participate in Sunday School. They also revisit anachronistic Book of Mormon animals, the Tower of Babel, Noah’s Ark, the global flood, Neanderthal DNA, and the apologetic tradition of discovering that every inconvenient animal was apparently a taper wearing a little historical disguise.

The scientific potluck expands into whether hundreds of thin, ring-bound gold plates could physically survive engraving, transport, bean-barrel storage, and Joseph Smith sprinting through the forest without becoming an expensive metallic accordion. The hosts also explore food-safety regulation and produce-borne “butthole COVID,” AI models escaping sandboxes and claiming fictional childhood memories, and the human body as compelling evidence that intelligent design was delegated to an unsupervised intern. From whale fingies, endogenous retroviruses, stratigraphy, and ancient earthquake records to toxoplasmosis, explosive seed pods, self-burying plants, and the Word of Wisdom discouraging beverages that required people to boil their disease-riddled water, the natural world proves far stranger, messier, and more magnificent than anything correlation could fit onto a laminated Primary handout.

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