Ep916 Real Honesty

Think avoiding conflict makes you a "nice" person? Think again. In this episode, we uncover a hard truth: people-pleasing isn't kindness—it’s a hidden form of manipulation and covert dishonesty.

We break down The Boundary Matrix and explore what it really takes to cultivate authentic, unshakable relationships through radical transparency.

Transcript

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Yo, it's your man, man. Ryan Ryan. Yeah. Back with another one, man. Back with this realness, right? Most people think, man, people pleasing is a form of kindness. But it's the core form of motherfucking manipulation. Sorry for my language, you dig. Manipulation and dishonesty. Like it's it's it's really the door and the pathway to that type of nature, right? Like when you just doing things for everybody else, when you had your true feelings to control how somebody else react or to keep the peace for the moment, you are presenting a curatic version of yourself rather than an authentic partner. Like radical honesty replaces this passive deception with transparent standards and unshakable boundaries, right? So when I'm doing what I gotta do, being honest, letting a motherfucker know my true feelings, my true intentions, my true and proper um processing of thought at that moment. You dig? You being real. You ain't, I promise you, nobody never hated you for being honest with them. Never. Never. So the day we finna get into why, man, you just gotta be real in their relationship. You feel me? Like why you gotta get over that hump. Like let that challenge be an easy challenge to you, you dig? And they're gonna go over three different ways of why being real in this requires these things to be done. You feel me? Fuck keeping the peace sometimes. Sometimes you just prolonging the situation. So today we finna get into it, man. Let's get right into it, right? The first thing is, right? The faculty of keeping the peace. Betholding your real thoughts to avoid conflict breeds conflict resentment over time. Unexpress needs to erode emotional intimacy, destroys the long-term trust, leaving your partner in love with a mask rather than the actual you. You dig? So this is saying that if you're not actually just telling a person that you don't like them, but you know damn well you don't like them at all, but you're not telling them this, you're not, you're not, you know, you're not letting this bitch be known, you just keeping them around, you're doing them wrong, you're not, you're not having the intentions of staying. You did, you just doing everything just to make shit go bad on purpose. You did you just being dirty on purpose. You and you thinking this shit is finna work, this shit is finna be right, this shit's finna be cool. Nah, buddy. You you're not keeping the peace around this bitch. You're not, you, you eroding your emotional intimacy, like your intelligence is going down now. You feel me? Because you're tricking yourself. Like you putting yourself in a trick bag once you just keep withholding every thought that you got. You don't like, you don't like me. You don't want me. You don't, you know, you don't want to be around this type of person. You feel me? You don't you don't fuck with these type of people. You dig? Like you when you think like this, you are eroding your health. You feel me? Because this is a form of goddamn it, damn near depression. You dig? Like when you're weakening your brain cells, you just thinking about sad things and and things that are not of good nature. You killing yourself immediately, like slowly but slowly, you dig? Like, that's why they want us to hate each other. This is why they want us to not like each other. That's why they want us in priority. You feel me? The matter we are, the more we not breathing, the more we not um thinking correctly, the more we not really focus on how to be alive. We just trying to survive, right? And this is what they want to keep us in survival mode. You feel me? So over time, man, unimpress unexpressed needs, like you be needing shit. You feel me? Unexpressed needs in all ways, like in every way. If you need something and your emotional and your emotions are being destroyed, you can't even function. Because we run off emotion, we run off like our desire to go do this, our desire to go do that. Like, it's gotta be something behind. Like, it got to them and be a reward. Like, if I go do this, this is gonna help me do this. If I go do this, it's gonna help me do that. It's gotta be some type of feeling, a desire, reward. So let's tell our partner how we feel. Let's tell our you know, friends or our family, or whoever we gotta tell, like what's really going on, bro. I don't like how you eating like that. This shit is ridiculous. Like, that's out of hand. Like you, you really you kills the fuck out of me. You do that all day. Like, even when they come, people come around me that know me. They not finna be eating stupid. You eat this. I know you wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. It looked like you wouldn't. I mean, I I eat it sometimes. Shit, it's not nothing. Mages is nothing I don't eat every day. You feel me? So people know what to do. You feel me? They respect you when you come around on their love. You feel me? They respect when you, oh Raheem, I'm not finna. It's like Debo coming. Nigga, I'm finna put this food on the table. I don't want to eat this. I don't feel like you're in his damn mouth right now. Oh, fucking well. Oh well, you you're running the fuck out of the day. You know you're running out. You feel me? That's it. Like, it don't be people respect that over a nigga who finna come around me, whatever. And do whatever. You feel me? Most niggas just want to see you at the hospital. That's where they're ready to see you at. I'm the nigga trying to guide and prevent you from going. You want to call me when y'all ass and got fed the fuck up. You done got biggest shit. Body hurting, limp. Now you I need you, Raheem. I need Raheem. Man, you stop capping. You dig? So let's get into the next one, man. Boundaries as self-instruction. Setting firm, transparent boundaries isn't about controlling others. It teaches people how to interact with you authentically. A clear boundary acts as a roadmap, mutually respected. Immediately, I mean eliminating guesswork and ambiguity. So this is saying, like, man, when you see set firm on what you're doing, motherfuckers ain't finna bubble step down. Motherfuckers ain't finna keep trying to feed me no liquor. I don't drink, bruh. I don't want no liquor. I don't want that shit. No, I'm good. Thank you. You feel me? Like, motherfuckers not finna come give me some unhealthy food. Like, they know, right? He ain't want all this shit. No, he ain't not he just wasting food. Don't give him that. You dig? Like, you got to know. Once people know a certain thing about you, they not gonna do it. You dig? Like they not gonna come with offer you it. You didn't they they not gonna give it and put it in your environment. They know that you don't like smoke, they're not gonna come smoke around you. You dig? They know that you would throw a fucking fit about some shit. They not finna come and do it around you because they know, oh hell no, I'm not finna hear it. I'm not finna hear her mouth. Hell no. It's because you have said what? Clear boundaries on some shit. You had said, hell no. Fuck no. We we is not doing it. And once you done said that shit, man, it's it's it's it's basically over with. Ain't nobody else, can't nobody else say nothing. Because this is what you believe in. You feel me? Like once your belief is set on some shit and this what you then then then put in your mind. Don't nobody play with grandma. You feel me? Don't nobody play with because grandma got a lot of boundaries. Grandma, when she comes around, she requires a lot of rules. Shut out, relax. Allow all that goddamn yelling and cussing and all the other extra shit because of what? That's her self-instructions. She don't do it, and you don't do it. You feel me? Like, you want somebody not to do some shit, don't you do it. You feel me? You want somebody to respect you, you respect them. Like, it's just it's just simple mutual respect when it comes to like having that realness in relationships, period. Like when you got that realness in any relationship, it's it's just way better from the door. Because it just it just so much, it's so damn peaceful. Y'all ain't colliding, y'all ain't hitting heads, y'all already got the boundaries set. She feel me. We just don't like some bitches, some people don't give a fuck about what they call it. You feel me? Just the boundaries be loose as a goose. Like, they don't shit. It just cool. Like the boundaries is different with every situation, basically, right? So don't let them boundaries, another person's boundaries, shit overstep your boundaries. Just because your boundaries like them loose, shit. Don't expect the other shit person brown to be tight. You feel me? Just because that other person's boundary tight, she don't you try to shit tighten yours up with them. You feel me? Or don't you try to unloosen yours? Like, just man, do what the fuck, whatever boundaries you need. You feel me? Like be self-instructed. You nigga, you ain't seen me do that shit one time. I don't know. I'm sorry. I forgot to tell your ass. I thought I'm gonna have to bring it up. You dig? But see, I did I do shit. Hell no, I don't fuck with it. You feel me? Just bring it up at the moment. You feel me? Like anybody sitting around you coming at you with a damn work sheet. Oh, this is what I don't fuck with, bro. Oh, I don't do this, bro. Nah, you find out over a time period. You find out as you kick it with them, you find out as y'all you know spend time with each other. Ain't nobody coming in you with no damn work sheet, no motherfucking um instructions. Nah, you be the instructions. What you do, what you don't do. Oh now I know. Oh my oh bro, don't do this. Hell no. I tried that nigga down there was slapped. You feel me? Oh, that nigga down there went crazy. Hell no. Uh uh. I'm gonna chill out until I get from where I am. You feel me? It's dead simple, right? And the next thing is, man, direct directness over passive aggressiveness. Navigating difficult conversations head on removes the toxic cycles of subtle hints, silent treatments and side marks. Direct communication feels uncomfortable in the moment, but it generates clarity and long-term security. So this is basically saying, like, man, when you direct over just being just pissed the fuck off, like navigating difficult conversations head on removes the toxic subtle hints, like shit. Like now you ain't when you didn't deliver the head the fuck on, had the conversation, you know, had the meeting, had a discussion, now shit, look at now shit cool. We can give each other a hug again. You feel me? It's like solving some shit that you know needed to be solved. Like you just posted a stick of me, you said the nigga said some uh man, you wanna hang around me, but you won't even want to address the reason that we stop fucking with each other. You feel me? Like this weird as a motherfucker. There's the there's some weird shit. Like, nigga, if you did some shit, that's telling a nigga, bro. That's my bad, that's my fault. Like, nigga, I know I'm fucked up. Call a nigga, let a nigga know you gonna see a nigga anyway. Like, so just get that shit out the way. Like, get them uncomfortable moms out the way. You feel me? You come around a nigga all shady and shit. I ain't nigga, I ain't even addressed the last problem we had, but you want to still come around me like it ain't no problem. No, that's finna create another problem. You feel me? So direct this shit. Like, don't be aggressive with that shit. You don't be on that shit, side marketing, nigga. You feel me? Hitting that you want to know, slide on a nigga, man. No, no, just be direct. You some shit made you feel uncomfortable, man. Call a nigga, man. That shit made me feel a whole nother way, nigga. You feel me? Shit made me feel like less of a man, nigga. And once a nigga know that nigga, man, I'm sorry. Give me a hug, nigga. You feel me? Like, you know, it says real connection requires the being fully seen, which is impossible if you are constantly editing yourself for approval. By committing, by committing to radical honesty, you trade fake harmony for real trust. So, like, nigga, just let it go. You dig let it go. You feel me? Like, be fully transparent right here. I'm gonna fuck with you, little nigga. You did this, you did that. I ain't I ain't like it. You feel me? Uh versus me, nigga, I don't fuck with like I'm quick to little nigga. I don't I I probably don't tell everybody I don't like, I don't fuck with them. I don't like you or some shit. Cause I don't got too many people. I don't really I ain't got no problem with nobody reading. I ain't shit. I'm not no gang bank, I'm not no member. You dig? I'm not one of them why ends. I'm not no no uh one of them niggas that just like me and in the way. So I ain't really got no options. I'm a nigga shit. You come to what you wanna talk, what you wanna talk about, bro? Damn, I hate that happen. But I will, you know, step by God too, like if it does uh if it's on me. I know I did some shit wrong. I gotta hold up for you. Shit, I'm ready to hold up for because I know I put myself in that position. I know this ain't this consequence ain't too big. You feel me? It's this or that type shit. Like, but you know, everybody choose, and I hope you do on time, you know. Do your jail math before you go do anything. And like Charlemagne say, do your jail math. Like, let you shit. How much time is this? Shit. Carry five to ten, huh? First offense. Wait a minute. You feel me? So you just think about what the fuck you got going on, man. Like, be real with yourself. Like, once you real with yourself, people just they they gonna be real with you. They gonna love being real with you. I ain't been eating right, right, he ain't been eating right. I'ma get it though. I swear to god, I am. You feel me? Like, I love the type of honesty over. Oh, I've been, yeah, I've been doing everything. Ain't nothing working. Man, stop capping. What you been doing wrong? Come on, talk to me. You've been doing a lot wrong. I can see how big you done got. What's up with you me eating? What you been know you what you know you've been eating too much of? Okay. Got like got um lesson up on that, then we gonna know, we gonna um get more on this side or eating on this, you know, eating this and shit. Like, it just take time, man. Don't try to lie to yourself and that way, you know, you just keep being d dysfunctional. You're gonna keep on hiding. You know, people download I'm eating it but I'm gonna eat it. I'm finna go to the store right now. Hope nobody don't see me buying this. Man, get off that. Be real to yourself, man, and if nobody else, man. Y'all start playing with y'all time, y'all start playing with y'all life, man. Let's get a list.