64: How to be a Strong Girl | Grace & Jimmy Page

There’s never been a more challenging time to be a girl than right now.  I’m excited to welcome back Jimmy Page and, for the first time, his daughter, Grace, as we discuss their new book, Strong Girls. This practical guidebook was written to equip girls with the confidence, strength, and resilience they need to navigate the world and to discover their true identities. So grab your mom, your sister, your grandma, & your friends, because this is definitely a conversation you don’t want to miss!

Suggested Resources:

• Strong Girls: Developing Girls with Unstoppable Character, Confidence, and Courage
• Be a Strong Girl Website
• More Power To You: Biblical Declarations

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Transcript

*Unedited Transcript*
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Jacqueline: [00:00:00] Well, we're all here now and I'm, I'm really excited to have you both on. I'm really excited for our conversation today. Jimmy, to be honest with you, our conversation, what was it? Several months ago at this point still remains one of my all time favorites because I love talking about This type of stuff.

I think it's really, really needed. , it resonates with a lot of listeners. I was just telling grace. I'm so proud of her. as well, such a young age for, for writing this book with you. And again, it's something a lot of listeners need to, to hear messaging wise. So with that, just to, just to kick it off.

There are very different narratives, especially today in our culture about what it means to be a strong woman. . So I'd love to start by first asking what made you both write this book? And secondly, what is your definition of what it means to be a strong girl?

Jimmy: Listen, I'll jump in and then grace can fix everything. Um, I

think we live in a culture that is really, um confused [00:01:00] about gender in general And I think that we have the wrong picture of what it looks like to be a strong Capable young lady who grows into really a fearless Capable productive woman and so, you know, part of the reason that we wrote this book was we wanted to give You Uh, girls, middle school, high school, college, young adults, permission to be everything that God has made them to be.

You know, you don't have to necessarily fit into a box, but God's design is very good. It's always good. And he creates each young lady with different characteristics that make them very special. So we wanted to make sure that we're developing the things that matter most, the character. The confidence and the courage so that young ladies can become everything they're made to be.

So I think when we look at society, we want women who are not afraid to dream and to hear from God about their unique purpose in life and who aren't [00:02:00] afraid to go for it. You know, they don't have to necessarily sit in the background, but they can instead pursue the things that they're most passionate about.

And really, if you wrap that all in the envelope of what is God's design for this young lady, if this young lady surrenders to Christ and then starts living for God, seeking him, seeking his purpose, and then starts living on that, you know, acting on that, they become a force for good, and they become a 

force for God. 

Grace: I would even say kind of how it came about was, um, the idea was eight years ago, I believe, um, when we first had the idea to do it and it was like right before, um, we moved to Colorado. Um, so that's when we first started talking about it, thought it would be a really cool idea to kind of implement everything that my dad just said, but, um, The reason it didn't happen then was because of a lot of challenges I went through in high school and through the move.

Um, I feel like that affected a [00:03:00] lot that I went through and honestly, like, the book wouldn't be what the book is if I didn't go through that. And if we even wrote it before, like if we wrote it eight years ago, it would be a completely different book. Um, so I think it's cool just to see how, like, the Lord did really use, you know, the Um, everything from high school and everything with me and my parents, um, just to make the book what it is today and to really help, um, not only just girls and young women, but also parents who have daughters that are struggling and, um, maybe need some tools on how to, how to help.

So,

Jacqueline: I love that. And I, I knew you guys lived in Maryland, but I didn't realize you moved to Colorado, like Grace, when you were in high school. So that is definitely a really challenging time. When I was reading that, I was like, oh boy, like I feel for this girl leaving in high school when you have all your friends and there's all this pressure.

So with that, Grace, Can you share a bit more about your personal journey? And in the book you describe it as rebellion to [00:04:00] revival. So I'm really curious, like, what were some of those challenges and how did they shape the content of the book?

Grace: yeah. So, um, going from Maryland, I went to a school where it was all girls school, 

Jacqueline: I did too! Yeah! Yeah.

Grace: So, coming from that, to then moving to a completely different. Um, place not knowing anyone or no one knowing our family. Um, my brother was leaving for college and he was really my found my rock, my foundation.

He was who I looked to and turned to for a lot of my life. Um, so with moving and not having anyone and no one, Knowing who we were, um, I went to a school which had 2000 kids and that was really different boys and girls. It was a public school coming from a private to a public. So that really kind of in my head, I was like, okay, who do I want to be and who, who do I want to fit in with?

Who are my friends that I honestly was just so desperate to be liked cause I didn't have anyone. So I, I had a little bit of insecurity [00:05:00] there. And just wanting to fit in, wanting to be liked. And ultimately that led me down just a lot of. roads that I went down that weren't, weren't the best, but, um, because I got into the wrong friend groups.

And, um, I think because I wasn't, like I described in the book, I, I didn't have a solid foundation in my standards and who I was, and I didn't stand on that. So that allowed me to get into things that Um, was that rebellion in my book and honestly, the rebellion was tough because it wasn't just only rebellion in my life and against God.

It was rebellion between me and my parents. And that's kind of where it ties in. My dad with this book is because it was. He really lived through all the rebellion with me because I went against everything that they stood for everything that they were trying to implement into my life and really went through many years of just spiritual warfare and trying to figure out who I was while also, um, learning and, and [00:06:00] growing with them.

So

Jacqueline: There's so much I want to get into there. First of all, I completely resonate with that. I also went to a very small school. There were about 50 girls in my graduating class. Um, so, and I remember going to college and having my class size be 500 and I was overwhelmed. I was like, this is a whole other world.

So I definitely feel for you there. And to your point about fitting in, I mean, young women today, like we're faced with so much pressure, right? Peer pressure from society. And to your point about not having a strong foundation, , in your values, I mean, in the book you talk about courage, right?

And some of these other really important values that young women need to have. Looking back eight years ago, if you could give yourself two or three values, what would they be to focus on?

Grace: I honestly, I really love the three C's because it keeps it simple and it keeps it, um, it's catchy and simple and it covers a lot for like a girl. So I think honestly, the two that I would pick would be [00:07:00] confidence and courage. Um, confidence in just knowing like, Just because you're different or, um, being confident with going against the flow, that was a big thing for me in high school.

Um, but also having a confidence in myself and in my relationship with the Lord to where I didn't need a boy to tell me that I was beautiful, or I didn't need friendships to fulfill me, that to be confident that in the Lord and in my relationship with the Lord was, would have been huge back then, just be able to hear that a little bit more.

Um, and then courage. I believe helped a lot more if I grew in that because the courage to stand up for what I believed in or the courage to stand up even for others. A lot of times my friend groups, uh, they would be picking on other types of people that maybe were different than us or would always be talking about each other.

And I. I think courage and being able to stand up and be like, you know what guys, like that, we're not [00:08:00] going to do that, you know, and, and having the, the courage to stand on that would have helped me, I believe a lot. And honestly, it creates that character when you have confidence and courage. So

I just love those values.

Jacqueline: yeah, I love that. And the more you do it, like the more firm you become in it, right? And to your point about the rebellion with your parents, I mean, Jimmy, I'm sure you have three other boys. I'm sure you understand, you know, the teenage years and, and peer pressure and, and all of that.

But you, I feel like when I was reading this book, I mean, you exemplify Christ in the sense of despite grace veering off path, you were always there for her and you were always there to remind her of how much. You loved her as a father, right? And I love the practice that you had of, of these sticky notes.

And I'd love if you could share what you did with grace. Cause that's honestly something that I kind of started to do with my mom in high school. I'd always just leave sticky notes, like on the bathroom mirror, if you know, there was a hard day or just to say, I love you. Um, so yeah, I love [00:09:00] that practice and I'd love if you could expand on that.

Jimmy: Yeah. Well, Grace touched on it too. When we moved, you know, we went from a family, we had such a network of friends, relationships through our church, through raising all of the kids in sports. I mean, anywhere we went in town, we were known and we knew people, you know, we would run into people all the time.

So when we moved to Colorado, we lost all of that. We became anonymous. You know, it wasn't, uh, for a long time. Over a year that I actually, my wife and I actually heard someone say our name in town, like Evil East, Jimmy. It's like, Whoa, wait, someone here knows us. And it was really particularly tough on grace because she had all of that foundation stripped away.

She didn't have the maturity necessarily to handle it. And that's why we actually came up with the, with the idea for strong girls was we were like, Hey, we're going to prove. How you do it, you know, we're going to show everybody how you do this, how you make a big transition and then what happened was, of course, all the pressure, all the new environment [00:10:00] really, you know, started to erode that foundation and grace made some choices that she wasn't, you know, that wasn't weren't best for her.

Right. But I know as a dad, as a protector, It was, you know, we fought over boundaries, you know, I was trying to establish boundaries that would protect her. And she was like, why are you setting all these rules up for me? You know, I don't, I don't like, I just want to have freedom. So that was our point of contention, but we always had a very, very close relationship and this period of time strained us.

I remember when we first got here, we, uh, Ivelisse and I made her go on this retreat on this. Uh, it was a Christian retreat, a great organization, but we forced her to go on it because we wanted her to connect with other girls who probably shared her faith, came from families like ours. We wanted to kick them out.

Connected into the community. But what we didn't know, first of all, she didn't want to go and it was a really tough time, but what we didn't know was these girls weren't [00:11:00] necessarily walking with God in a significant way. We didn't know what we were getting into. And I think that led to some decisions that put some stress on us.

So what I did when she was gone, uh, on this retreat, I wrote down truths on post its. I would put these sticky statements, and by the time she came back from this week long camp, half of her mirror was filled with these positive statements, uh, tied to Biblical truth. And, and then over time, that just continued to grow.

I would continue to write those each week. I'd write several and put them on her mirrors. And what I didn't know was that At the time, was she was, it was impacting her in some measurable way, even though we went through a stretch of time that was really hard, having positive principles, having God's truth in front of her, really ended up adding up over time.

And I think, Grace, you know, you can comment on this. I think that you, you saved most of

Grace: Yeah. So I have a lot of them in my drawer and in my nightstand [00:12:00] from, from home.

Jacqueline: That's awesome.

Jimmy: And I think for me, you know, just keeping the positive things. I mean, sometimes that was all we had, um, you know, with respect to really solid, positive communication. And, you know, we had ups and downs during that period. It wasn't all bad, but it was a two and a half, three year period, which was tough. You know, there was this push and pull and you know in the in those teenage years as we know there's trials and errors There's ups and downs, you know, some decisions work.

Some decisions don't that's what that period of life is is all about But I think in the end we knew that if god when god got a hold of grace She's so strong and she's so um, she has so many gifts. We knew that when god got a hold of her That she would be a force, you know, that she would be a force for the next generation to bring God's truth, to help younger girls progress in their walk with God, and maybe even avoid some of the things that she went through that really were [00:13:00] unproductive. I love that. And honestly, too, I mean, hey, we all push the boundaries, right? When we're, when we're teenagers, I certainly did. And I'm sure my parents could tell you both a bunch of stories. But I find looking back, and I'm 29 years old, but like, in order for me to understand and recognize that boundaries are put in place for our protection, right?

Jacqueline: Like, be that our parents are gods. Sometimes I have to get really close to that line or even pass the line right before I learn the lesson. Um, and I'm sure Grace, like that resonates with you. But, um, yeah, I mean, listen, like we learn and then we share our learnings with others with the hope that they don't also don't make the same mistakes.

But Also to I mean, you touched on the importance of identity, right? And Jimmy, I think we kind of touched on this in our first conversation, but we're living in this world of confusion around identity, right? And it's very sad. And I mean, obviously, there's nothing new under the sun. But I think this It's a very, [00:14:00] um, it's an opportunity the time we're living in to really share about Christ.

So with that, how do you encourage young women to stay strong and true to God's word? And Grace, you mentioned courage and confidence and those apply in terms of speaking truth and what's right. So how do you, how do you share that right in a culture that is basically saying the complete opposite of what truth is?

Jimmy: Yeah, I think the easiest part and the starting point even in the book is we talk about God's perfect design, right? You know that God is the creator of all things and most importantly, He's the creator of you, you know And each one of us is designed to be an image bearer, you know, the Word of God That's why the truth is so important because the truth is solid.

It's it's not changing It's something that you can put your trust in It removes anxiety and fear and worry and all this confusion, really. So when you, when you're introduced to the truth [00:15:00] that you have been fearfully and wonderfully made, you have been created by God in his image. And that image is unique and wonderful.

You know, we learn in Genesis 1 27, God created. Uh, mankind in his image, in the image of God, male and female, he created them. All of us bear God's image. And then from there, you know, we have unique purpose. And I think that so much today is people feel like they're random, that they're an accident, that they don't have purpose.

But that's why the truth in the Bible is so, so important. Because there are very important facets of God's design for girls. And every one of these unique, Facets, if you will, like if you're thinking of a diamond, a diamond is cut and it has many, many facets. God has designed young women this way, right?

And the first one, we talk about it, maybe we'll get more into these [00:16:00] specifically, but we 

talk about beauty. And I think we've got a wrong idea about what beauty is. Beauty, the way God defines it, is virtue from the inside out. You know, the outside is really just a reflection of what's going on from the inside.

So once you tell these, these girls, these young women, that they have been created in the image of God, their image bears and that they have purpose. And that there are unique things about them that this world needs. All of a sudden they can start thinking, wow, if I were to live up to that image, if I were to live into God's design, that might change the trajectory of my life.

That might change the direction of my

life. And I'm so glad you touched on the topic of beauty because, again, we're living in a time where beauty standards placed on women are just unrealistic, right? And like these standards are constantly bombarding young women and Grace, I'm sure, you know, you're [00:17:00] very familiar with this through Instagram and all these other social media channels.

Jacqueline: Um, and I think in, in your book, I remember you recall saying that, you know, some say like beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But I love how you share that the real truth is that, you know, true beauty, true human beauty is the eye of our creator. Um, and I've even noticed, too, I mean, some of the most beautiful friends I have are the ones that you could clearly see, like, they love God, right?

And it just emanates from them., so with that, and Grace, I'm curious of your thoughts, like, what are some tactical steps that you could tell? Women out there who are struggling with the comparison trap, right? And it's so hard because I feel like it's so easy for people to be like, just get off social media.

Right. And sure. Like that works for some people, but like, I mean, realistically, not everyone's going to just go delete their social media accounts. So like, what are just some steps that, you know, you could share for women who are really struggling with comparison?

Grace: Yeah, um, so this kind of ties into like the enemy strategy. Um, but what I found [00:18:00] was the more I thought about what I didn't like, the more it created like, uh, a neural pathway in my brain to where I automatically think that everywhere. So honestly, When we were writing this book, I was struggling with this.

I had a moment where I couldn't even give you five things that I liked about how I looked. That's how bad it got. And Then there was a point where, um, my dad was talking to me about how you need, you need to win the mental battle. And that's really where it begins. You can get rid of social media. You can, um, you can do all these outwardly steps to try and fix what's happening.

But honestly, it starts with the mental battle. Um, so an easy step that I did, which I didn't think was going to work and I didn't think it was going to help was on my mirror. I wrote fearfully and wonderfully made. So every time I would put on an outfit or I would pass by my mirror and I was [00:19:00] like, Oh, just really, you know, I look this way today or something.

I would be like, nope, not today. So I would immediately stop the mental spiral. And then on my mirror, I would read, I am fearfully and wonderfully made and no, it doesn't work overnight. It's not like, Oh, now I think that I'm, I look this way or, Oh, now I believe that God I'm beautiful through God. Like it doesn't work overnight like that.

But the more you tell yourself that. And the more that you fill your brain with. Uh, God's truth, the more you start to believe it and the more it does, like those thoughts don't happen anymore. So I would even notice that like on Instagram, if I am scrolling and I compare myself, I'll be like, nope, not, I'm not doing that.

Like I, I am fearfully made. So creating like short truths, like you don't have to memorize, like, a 10 verse thing, because that can be even harder, but having like short little snippets, which is why I even love the sticky notes, because they're so sticky, um, to come up with sayings that will help you stop the mental spiral, but will also fill [00:20:00] you with truth over time that allows you to believe what you're, what you're hearing. 

Jimmy: And, and Jacqueline, let, let me jump in here real quick. 'cause she is fierce. 

Like I I I want people to understand like she was, she was losing the mental battle. I mean, it, the enemy was, and this is the way the enemy works, right? He, he plants thoughts, doubts, discouragement. He divides us. And, but when Grace decided to fight, okay?

One of the sticky points is I talk back to the devil. And the whole concept is to get back on offense. What Grace was describing was a real brawl, a fight. And you know, I remember those days, there were ma many days after we started this strategy where she had to fight over and over and over again, just repeating these, these statements, you know, that were true.

So you always replaced the lies and the trash with the truth. The truth of God's word. Whenever you're [00:21:00] using these sticky statements, they actually come from God's word. That's the, that's really the power of the post it. It's not about being positive. Being positive is great, but, but when you use God's word, it's powerful.

So we want a powerful solution to beat back the enemy's strategy to discourage and, and demoralize you. And boy, she fought like crazy. And you know, Jacqueline, it's the same today. You have to win that battle 

Jacqueline: Yeah. No, absolutely. I mean, we, we spoke about that Jimmy in our episode, right? Like how to take thoughts captive. And I think with me too, like whenever I struggle so much with anxiety, I mean, my neighbors will probably think I'm crazy, but like, I will just recite scripture, right? And, and again, like, you have to do it, like Gracie said, it doesn't happen overnight, but like, when you do it over and over and over again, when you really focus on truth, it becomes ingrained in your persona, right?

Be that if you're facing anxiety or you're, you're asking for healing. Um, so I absolutely love that. I'm going to start to use the post it [00:22:00] practice. I love that. The power of the post it.

Jimmy: Yes. 

Grace: Yeah, 

Jacqueline: And another question too, for you, Grace. So in addition to focusing on, you know, scripture and those truths and just, affirming those over your life, obviously we know that, iron sharpens iron, right?

And it's really important to surround yourself with a good group of people. So how did you navigate? doing that. And I mean, listen, like, I just moved to a new place two years ago, so it was probably a solid, like, and to your point, Jimmy, you said it took a year for you guys to like have someone even recognize you.

Same for me. But now I thankfully have a solid group of friends, but it took me a while, right, to even just find like God loving people outside of church. So I'm curious, Grace, like especially, you know, around your age, how did you go about finding friends, right, that like you wanted to have in your, in your social circle,

Grace: yeah. So I would say when I first started, like when we first moved here, I think that was the biggest challenge because I kind of was just friends with anyone and every, like everyone. I [00:23:00] didn't really have, um, a strong standard. I didn't really understand like, oh, friends will make or break you, who you are around is who you become.

I didn't really understand that until it happened. Um, so through high school, I would say. The first two, three years, I would say I had a lot of friends, but I didn't have a lot of the right and good friends. Um, so I think my senior year looking back on it, it did look a little bit more lonely is what like a worldly world word would be for that.

Um, but honestly, I had, I had two to three really good friends that when I was around, they made me better. And made me who I was, who God made me to be. And honestly, that's my biggest advice would just be to seek out what are your standards in a friendship and to seek those out with people and to be okay with not being, having a ton of friends.

Um, cause in the Bible it says, you know, the [00:24:00] narrow path and the wide path, like people are going to be going on the wide path and that's going to look, um, not lonely. The narrow path looks lonely, but to be with people that are walking with you and honestly making you better, those are the people you want to surround yourself with.

So I would say it's not about the quantity of people, it's about the quality. Um,

that's 

what helps. 

Jacqueline: So true. Yeah, I think there was a stat. It was like even to from a from a time perspective like we can't have more than I think it's five close relationships. And that's in the sense of like, if you want to be constantly involved in someone's life and understand everything that's going on.

And if I look at my really close friends, I have about four. And I've noticed that once it goes beyond five, I can't sustain that. But um, To that point too, I mean, you are at a Christian college, which is wonderful. When you, you know, cross paths in life with non believers, obviously there's a lot out there.

How do you share your faith? Because that's also something [00:25:00] that I've been thinking about recently is how do you share your faith without necessarily like, turning someone off because I feel like sometimes it could have the opposite effect.

Grace: Um, I would say the biggest thing is my actions. I feel like speak more than what my words can, um, especially being on a Christian campus, there's going to be people in very different walks of, of their faith, and it's going to look different for people in the stage that they're at. Um, but I think for me is living life differently.

people wonder about that. And when I'm fueling myself with the word, when I'm praying, when I have a really close, when I have a close relationship with the Lord, that ultimately comes out. So God in God out. So when people talk to me, they're like, Oh, like there's something different about you that starts that kind of conversation starter.

Or even just doing things differently, people, people wonder about that. And I think that is like a door opener [00:26:00] into the conversation. Um, but areas that I've been able to share my faith the most is honestly with younger girls. So high school girls is like my huge passion to be able to be the person that I never had in high school.

Which is honestly one of the biggest blessings and reasons for this book, um, is to disciple. Those girls and to be that person. Um, so I would say living your life a different way opens a door for you to share your faith and just honestly being genuine of where you're at. I think as Christians being on a Christian campus, there's a lot of pressure to be like, Oh yeah, I'm in the word every day.

And, and I'm praying every second of my day. It's like,

Jacqueline: with my coffee mug

Grace: Yeah. But having like a genuine being like, you know what? Like, I honestly don't really feel as close to the Lord today and being honest and genuine because we're all going to have different walks and people love the genuineness about somebody and they can [00:27:00] see the fakeness instantly.

So I think just being honest and genuine and being different is The biggest thing.

Jacqueline: that's so true. Have you both heard of Ed Milet? I'm sure you have Jimmy. Yeah, definitely Jimmy has he he has this Good quote he always says where he says like the best thing you can do is to be the person that you needed when you were younger And grace. I feel like that's exactly what you're doing. So I love that.

Um, and I am, I am curious to, of those girls that you coach who are in high school. What are some of the greatest challenges that they're facing? And I mean, we already touched on a few, but in your personal experience with them, like, what have you noticed?

Grace: Yeah. Um, so I'm a youth leader and then I was also in Florida for FCA and those two, um, were very different. So being a youth leader, it's a lot of strong Christian families whose kids come to youth group. They already have a super solid foundation for [00:28:00] their age and hear all these things. Um, so I think coming from that aspect, they deal with a lot of the same things.

Yeah. But they also have more of that foundation of Christ that I think, um, others don't. Um, but I think what they struggle with the most is comparison, um, fitting in and being liked. And also how do I have a Christian faith and how do I love the Lord? In a society that doesn't in a high school that doesn't.

Um, so I think that was a big challenge of navigating that with them, but then also going to Florida where these girls were on a team where half of them don't have a solid foundation, half of them don't really know the Lord. They know bits and pieces and they're living a life that they don't know how to live different.

So I think coming from two different, um, like polar ends, um, how to help girls who can live different [00:29:00] and being able to talk to them being like, there is another way. You don't have to live like this to fit in. You don't have to do these things with your boyfriend or whatever it is to be liked or to, to feel wanted and loved.

And then also coming from another. Polar where it's like, okay, how do you use your faith in your foundation? How do you stand firm into that? So I think this book is so awesome because it helps both ends of that. It helps girls that already have a solid foundation and want to use it and want to stand firm in it, but it also helps girls who don't have a solid foundation and want to learn how.

Jacqueline: That's beautiful. Yeah. I'm really excited for listeners to pick up a copy, and also too, I feel like another consistent theme, at least that kind of arose for me in the book and Jimmy, again, we touched on this in our conversation, but that is differentiating Joy and happiness, right?

And like we also see how like happiness is circumstantial, right? And if you take something away, like someone's happiness might go away, but [00:30:00] joy is found in God. And I mean, whether we're in high school or we're in our 20s or our 80s, right? I feel like We're constantly looking for something to make us happy, right?

And and I mean recently I realized like we can be in the deepest of valleys and still have joy Because our joy is in God And to your point grace about you know Finding things like like boys or friends and you know, all these things thinking that they'll fulfill us. They don't And that's again like we all have to kind of experience that ourselves to realize that those things just they're very empty You Right?

, but I am curious too. So in terms of reading this book, should girls be like reading it on their own? Should they be reading it with friends? Like what's the best way to navigate it? 

Grace: Um, I think you can do it in all avenues. Um, I think for younger girls, it is a great tool to do, like, Well, how me and my dad are so to do it with [00:31:00] your parents. Um, but I think you can do it. Like I'm going through it with a bunch of girls that I'm mentoring. So you can do it within small groups. You can do it within teams.

You can go through it by yourself, um, with your parents. You really can use it however you feel like you need it. Um, and that's what I love about it is it isn't a specific like daddy, daughter or mom, daughter. Like it's, you can use it however you need it.

Jacqueline: And you guys have this three step process, the secret sauce, right? So we spoke about all these wonderful new positive behaviors that young women should start to, to implement in their lives. What does that process look like?

Jimmy: Well, I'll jump in and then Grace, you can, you can fill in, you can do the color commentary. You know, this was, this actually was, um, the process that we used and we didn't have words for it, but this was exactly what we were doing over and over and over again. And so as we were writing the book, Um, I was at, I was on a white board in Kansas city of all places.

And, and all of a sudden I'm like, wait a [00:32:00] minute, um, let me, let me run this by grace. I think this actually captures the process that we've been doing for all these years. And I wrote, I drew this drawing on the board and I had a couple of different words, but we ended up, she, she right away said, yeah, but you need to change this.

And we ended up on this. It's a three step process. See it. Stop it and start it. You know, first of all you have to see the truth of what's going on. Maybe the truth of your behavior. Maybe the truth of what God is trying to tell you. You need to see it and you need to admit it. And then I think the second step is if there was one thing that you could stop that's causing the most damage in this area right now.

If you could stop it and it would make a positive difference, what would that be? And then we give you space in the book to write it down. And then the last piece is, start it, right? It's like if you were to start doing something consistently, they would have the most positive impact on your life in this area right now.

What would it be? So you're, you're acknowledging the problem. You're stopping something that's hurting you. And then you're replacing it. You're [00:33:00] starting to do something that's beneficial for you. All of a sudden, life change gets accelerated. It happens fast. Grace, jump in because I know you use this.

Process, not only yourself, but also with the girls that

Grace: Yeah, so I would say the example I used earlier with like in how I viewed myself and then writing I am fearfully and wonderfully made that was honestly one of my biggest Ones that I had to see it stop it started So I would I would immediately see like that thought in my mind or what I'm thinking to be like, nope, not today I'm not doing that and that would be my Way of stopping the thought and then I'd be like, okay, what am I going to do?

I'm going to believe God's truth. So that was something that really helped just with the mental battle of things. That's like an E was an easier way for me to do that process. I would say with bigger things, um, I would say seeing your actions, stopping what you're doing and like re evaluating and seeing, okay, how can I do things differently to glorify [00:34:00] the Lord?

So that would be like more big scheme, like bigger picture type things. Um, but with my girls, um, when they are struggling with things, whether that's, you know, Uh, with their friends, sports, school, with their boyfriends, I'm always trying to tell them this process and over time it really is just becomes a habit, becomes something you just do and ultimately you see the progress when you look back at it.

Jacqueline: Yeah. It's really encouraging. I am curious too, what do you think is the most difficult of that process? Like for me, looking at it, I would probably say the stop it is the most difficult. Um, but just, just for you, which, which would you pick?

Grace: Yeah. Um. I think it depends on what it is. So I would say for the mental battle, I would say stopping it is the biggest one because your mind just goes on a spiral. And once it's on a spiral, it's hard to get out of that. So stopping it, I think would be the hardest one. Um, with other [00:35:00] areas, I would say. As humans, we have a lot of blind spots in our life.

So being able to not see things, not seeing what you're doing, um, and that's where that accountability or that mentorship from somebody else comes in to help you see those blind spots. I think that can be a hard one for people, especially people who, have a more of a lukewarm faith. They don't have that conviction of what they're doing, so they don't really see it, um, until they see the aftermath of what happens with their actions.

So I think looking back, high school would be my, the hardest one would be see it. And then now with the mental battle, I would be stop. It would be the hardest one. And then, um, change it or start it is is hard, but it's easier because it's more of like, okay, let's go. Like I liked that. Okay. What can I do to make this different?

And how can I start this right now? So I'm not in this spiral. She nailed it, right? Like I was going to say, [00:36:00] boom, I knew what she, I thought I knew what she was going to say, so I'm listening to her and it was really, it was really kind of cool to hear her perspective on it. For me, I think see it is so hard. You know, for so many people today, just to see the truth of what they're experiencing, I'll give you a great example.

Jimmy: In the book, we talk about, show me your friends and I'll show you

your future. Okay. So when you're a high school student or your son, you're someone that's. In the, in the throes of wanting to be liked, wanting to be popular, you've got a lot of friends around you. The question is, do I see that some of these friendships are destructive to me?

Do I see that the way they're acting is influencing the way I'm acting and I'm doing things that are violating my own standards and I, I didn't even see it. So I think that see it in that sense is so powerful and that's why the mentoring is so important, right? Like when grace comes in, there's one [00:37:00] section in every chapter where grace weighs in number one on her experience of that truth of that topic.

But at the very end of every chapter in the strength training section, she talks about something she would tell her younger

self. So, whoa, it's like, wait a minute, she's giving the next generation of girls insight so they can see it differently. And what, what happens is they go, Oh gosh, well, that's really good wisdom that you're giving me.

And now I see it. So I think that that piece is so important. If they can see it, then they're faced with it. You know, I used to have a coach who told me you can't, and I think I might've mentioned this on our first, uh, first go round. You can't get where you wanna go until you stop lying about where you're at.

And I was like, whoa, okay, timeout. I don't like that very much. Am I paying you for this advice? You know? And uh, but what he was saying was, you have to see it [00:38:00] first, and as soon as you can see it, then you can deal

with it. 

Jacqueline: And Grace, like, I mean, you already know this, but I'm sure you're having such a big impact on these young girls lives because I feel like too, and we're in high school and even now, honestly, like when, when our parents tell us our blind spots, right, we acknowledge it, but do we really take it to heart?

Not always. So sometimes I think it, it takes someone outside of your family, right? Like your role in these young girls lives to really like. Have them actually take it to heart and say, you know what, there might be something here. They might be seeing something. I'm not. Um, so I, I absolutely love that. And I love the whole concept of the strength training part in the book.

And if you Grace could tell yourself, tell your high school self three things based on your journey thus far, everything, you know, now, what would they be?

Grace: Yeah, um, I had, I actually had a few that I saved in here that were my favorite. Um, my first one would be to [00:39:00] take Jesus everywhere. Um, this chapter is one of my favorites because I found myself, um, being on Sunday, I would be my, the church girl, or I would be my parents. So I would try to, Um, you know, look a certain way for my parents and all their friends.

And then I'd go to school the next day and I would be a completely different person, like in the book, I, uh, say, which is part of my testimony is, um, I would be dropped off to school. By my parents in one outfit that would be approved by them. But then I would go to the bathroom in school and change into a completely different outfit that I thought would be approved by all my friends and even boys.

So I just think that example right there alone is like, okay, I did not take Jesus with me everywhere there. I am two completely different people and I would change whoever I was around. So kind of like a [00:40:00] chameleon. So around my parents. I would try and be this, Oh, I got all these standards and I have it all together.

And I am who you think I am. And then on Sunday, I would be, I would pretend I had this relationship with the Lord, or I would pretend that, um, I was a certain person. And then with my friends, I would be a completely different person. I was almost embarrassed to have standards and embarrassed to have a faith than where I would with them, I would be a completely different person.

And then same with boys, I would. Kind of like whatever they liked. So whatever boy I did, I was kind of forming into all the interests that they had. I was like, Oh yeah, I like that too. Even though I may have not liked that.

So, 

Jacqueline: play the drums.

Grace: so the biggest one with that would be, yeah, take Jesus everywhere is definitely one of my favorites.

Um, another one that I would say is most important is setting the standard. Um, what I tell a lot of the girls I disciple is, um, You have to have your standard [00:41:00] and know your standard, because if you don't, then you can't expect to have your standard when you actually need it. And something that my dad always, um, would tell me with this is, uh, advanced, having advanced decision making.

And at first I never really, I was like, Oh yeah, but how do I know with each circumstance? And that's kind of what comes along with setting the standard is when you know the things you're going to do and not going to do, it makes it a lot easier to have that courage when those things happen and to be able to stand firm in what you believe in.

Um, and then lastly, um, It would be when you surrender, you win. So that's chapter 22 or exercise 22. Um, this one is a little bit more special to this time now, because my one word for the year is surrender. Um, and what I've noticed too, is the more tightly I hold on to the things I think I need, um, the less freedom I have, the, the more anxiety I [00:42:00] have, and I feel like I have to be in control.

So being able to surrender things to the Lord, um, really allows me to have freedom, have that joy to not feel like I have to figure it all out. And honestly, that's a daily battle that I still am battling to this day. Um, so I think those three things are, The most important that I think I wish I knew more when I was in high school.

Jacqueline: You hit the nail on the head. Those, those are all so, so good. . aNd I think too, I mean, I started doing the, the one word a year, thanks to your parents. I started doing it in 2023. My word for this year is trust. Um, and I've really seen that come to pass in so many different scenarios, but to the point of surrender to grace, I feel like even with me, I've noticed in the past that, , I've seen those things now as, as idols, right?

So be that a relationship or, you know, whatever it is in your [00:43:00] life, I'm realizing that sometimes God removes idols from our lives, right? That we might otherwise not recognize as being an idol in the moment, so I, I love that take on surrender. That's so, so important. So I was listening to a podcast the other day. , just on like having, being a strong woman of God, you know, biblical womanhood. And I, I think today, interestingly, like there's a very different narrative, right. In terms of being a strong woman.

Um, and I think Now, like when we think of strong women, or not we, but when culture thinks of strong women, that kind of means like, you know, putting yourself first above everyone else and going after your dreams and goals, despite what impact it might have on your family. And, you know, that's the complete opposite message of what true biblical strength is.

And I found that just in reading, you know, the stories of strong women in the Bible, strength is actually very quiet. Right? And strength sometimes is actually sometimes being silent in cases where we [00:44:00] wanted to say something. So, what do you both think, like, I guess the strongest, differences are in terms of what culture says a strong woman is today versus what a biblically strong woman is?

Jimmy: Well, I can go first on this one. I mean, I think, I think part of the problem today is that we're, we keep dividing people over different things, whether it's race or gender or roles or all the rest of it. And I think whenever you create an environment where men and women are competing against each other, When we say they're the same, and they're definitely not the same, God didn't create us the same, there's physiological differences, there's physical differences, there's emotional differences, and not one man or one woman is the same as the next.

So, but we're designed to be complementary. not competitive. So when, whenever you create an environment where you're competing in every direction, you're going to create conflict [00:45:00] everywhere. And that's what we see, right? Everyone's fighting to be the head. Everyone's fighting to be seen. And I think when God talks about true character of, of a young lady, of a strong woman.

Yes. Um, I look at the example in 

Proverbs 

31. You know, because a lot of people like to limit the capabilities of women, and it makes me crazy every time, like, um, in Proverbs 31, you're talking about women who are trustworthy, who are honorable, who teach their children, if they have children, who teach their children the ways of God, who buy land.

And are capable of managing the household affairs. They are smart, they are talented, they are strong in every direction, but at the same time, their role complements the man's role, so they're not competitive. But, um, what I've always told Grace is I want you to be as capable as God made you to be in every direction.

I [00:46:00] want you to feel capable and I want you to act courageously. Um, and at the same time. I want you to embody those qualities of a young lady, um, like being honest and, and, um, like being humble and being gracious and compassionate and showing empathy and being nurturing. There's so many virtues. And we talk about all these virtues in the book that make up the completeness of God's design for a young woman.

And, and, um, I think grace is one of those people who Has those qualities, Jackie, you're the same way. You have a, a, a variety, right? This continuum of virtues that make you who you are. So Grace, what do you

Grace: Yeah, I think, I think you nailed that one. Um, I think it is so, so implemented in our society today that, you know, girl power and having to, like dad said, kind of compete with, um, man. And [00:47:00] that's just not, Not how it's supposed to be, because when we compete, ultimately it ends in destruction, it ends in tension and conflict, um, so there is like a beauty that even comes from being complimented or complimentary, did I say that right, complimentary, to the man or even just to each other.

I think even other women, I feel like, compete with each other to try and be Um, on top and, and that's just not how we are meant to be. That's not how we were made to be. So I think understanding that we are all made uniquely, but also to all, to use what God's given us, that's going to allow us to be. Um, a compliment to other people instead of trying to be the best and trying to overpower other people.

That's not how God created us. And that's not how I'm living out what he's made us to be. So I think being confident in your relationship and being confident in who you are and that you're going to be different than the next person. [00:48:00] I'm different than my mom and I'm different than my dad and all my brothers, but we're all, we all bring something to the table and no one is on top or below.

Like we're all. Here to love the Lord and to love others and I think. Proverbs 31 shows really how a woman is supposed to be strong.

Jacqueline: Amen. Wow. I love that. We'll have to have a whole other episode just dedicated to that topic because we could talk for hours on that one, but I do want to be conscious of your time. This has been such a wonderful conversation. I'm really excited to share it. Um, where can listeners find you both and get a copy of your,

Grace: We have a website, which is beastronggirl. com. Um, and we also, you can find us on Instagram, which is the same tagline and you can buy our book on Amazon. 

Jimmy: Yeah. And if you want to buy bulk copies, you can email us directly. Grace has, uh, uh, has an email grace at be a strong girl. com. And, uh, we also have, you [00:49:00] know, different resources on the website where you can download. And we also are about to publish a leaders, a leader's guide. So if you're leading a S a small group of girls or young ladies, and you don't know exactly how to facilitate that group, we make it so, so easy to do it.

Okay. Go on our website and download the strong girls leaders guide, and it'll walk you through how to

make that That is awesome. Um, I will be linking all of that in the show notes. Jimmy, you answered this question last time, so I'm not gonna make you repeat it, but Grace, I always ask my interviewees my favorite question, and that is, what does being well and strong mean to you?

Grace: Um, That's a good question. Um, I think it goes into multiple components. I think being physically strong and well and healthy, um, mentally strong and healthy and also spiritually strong and healthy. Um, I think [00:50:00] if one of those lacks, um, that it can be obvious and it honestly affects the other thing. So when you're physically not healthy or physically not well, it affects the mental and it affects your spiritual.

So I think they all tie into each other. And, and something that always tells me is, um, motion changes emotion. So that helps. A lot

with when I'm physically active, whether that's if I need to go work out or if I need to go for a walk that helps my mental. And that also allows me, even on my walks, I always pray.

So it allows me to be spiritually strong. So I think the

three 

of mental, spiritual and physical 

Jacqueline: Yeah, that that's been a game changer for me. And again, Grace, you hit the nail on the head. That's my mission with Well and Strong. It's to encourage people to be well and strong in body, mind and spirit, right? Because there's three parts. So I love that., well, I'm so proud of you both. Jimmy, you must be so proud of Grace, , in the writing of this book.

But again, I'll let you both know when I share this and thank you for your time. And I look forward to having you guys back [00:51:00] on.

Grace: Thank you.

Jimmy: Thank you so much. This is always the easiest. It's the easiest podcast. It's so easy. You make it 

so, so easy. I love you guys. And I love your family. So I'm happy to share when I can.

Grace: Thank 

you. 

Jimmy: thank you.