107: How to Create a Life You Love & Stop Overthinking Every Big Decision | Stephanie May Wilson

In today’s episode, I’m excited to welcome back my wonderful friend Stephanie May Wilson to talk about her new book, Create a Life You Love—and this conversation couldn’t have come at a better time. We unpack why “one right answer” is often a myth and how to make big decisions without feeling like you’re about to ruin your life. Stephanie shares how to tell the difference between a closed door and normal fear, how to build a wise “cabinet” (because not everyone gets a vote on your life), and why confidence is really about trusting yourself to pivot when things don’t go as planned. We also talk about navigating big transitions—marriage, motherhood, moving to Spain—and what it looks like to stop living in the future and fully invest in the season you’re in, even without perfect clarity. If you’re at a crossroads or afraid of getting it wrong, this episode will feel like a deep exhale. Grab a journal for this one. 

Suggested Resources:

• Stephanie May Wilson Website | Instagram 
• Create a Life You Love
• Love Your Single Life
• The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry
• Discerning the Voice of God

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Transcript

*Unedited Transcript*

Jac: [00:00:00] What does it truly mean to be well and strong? Not just embody, but in mind and spirit? Welcome to the How to Be Well and Strong podcast. I'm your host, Jacqueline Genova. After my mom's breast cancer diagnosis introduced me to the world of integrative medicine, I saw how important it is to have a clear, trusted roadmap for true healing.

Now I'm bringing those insights to you on this show. I sit down with some of the leading voices in wellness, mental health, and faith to help you find the motivation and tools you need to thrive. Get ready to be inspired and encouraged because your journey starts now. I'm so excited to welcome back my wonderful friend Stephanie May Wilson to the podcast to talk about her new book, create a Life You Love, and I didn't know about you, but this conversation could not have come at a better time.

We talk about decision making, the fear of getting it wrong, comparison, building a wise cabinet, and what it looks like to invest deeply in your present season [00:01:00] instead of constantly waiting for the next one. Stephanie shares honestly about navigating big life transitions from marriage to motherhood, to moving her family to Spain, and how learning to trust yourself take risks and embrace a more fearless mindset, changed everything.

If you've been feeling stuck behind. Which door to walk through. This episode will remind you that there isn't one right way to live a beautiful life, and you get to participate in shaping yours. You're gonna wanna grab a journal to take notes for this one. Let's get into it. Well, like I was saying, I woke up this morning and I nearly jumped out of bed because I was like, I get to talk to Stephanie today and I know it's been over a year since we first spoke, but you have a new book called Create a Life You Love, and as soon as I saw this, I picked it up and like all of your other book stuff, I couldn't put it down and right away I DMed you.

I was like, when are you coming back on the podcast so we can discuss the book and here we are.

Steph: Here we are. Oh, it's so good to see it. I don't get to see it that [00:02:00] often. It's beautiful. I don't have, thats, I don't have that many copies of my books with me, but Hey, I, I do too. I love how it turned out. And

Jac: the flowers.

No, it's so beautiful. But it's funny, Steph, because I feel like every single like time you put out, like a big book or piece of content, it's right when I need it the most. So I'm so excited to just get into this. Again, from a personal perspective too, because I have some questions to ask you, but also just for all the listeners out there who feel very similar sentiments to what you discussed in this book.

But before we get into that, for listeners who have not heard about you and your work, can you just give us a little quick intro on who you are and what you do?

Steph: Yes, absolutely. Um, well, hi, I am Stephanie Wilson. Stephanie May Wilson or Steph. Steph is really better. Um, and I'm an author and I'm a podcaster.

Um, and through, you know, my books, my courses, and of course my show Girls night, um, I help women make some of the biggest decisions and navigate some of the biggest transitions in their lives. [00:03:00] Um, and so, I mean that's everything from like, who am I gonna spend my life with? And navigating the singleness and dating and engagement and getting married process.

'cause that's a whole thing, um, to motherhood, to career, to, you know, where do I wanna live, what do I want? You know, who are my people? How do I find them? There are just so many things happening in life all at once in, especially when you're talking about the like. Kind of post-college. Mm-hmm. You've been in the real world for a couple years all the way till, I don't know.

I think your kids go to elementary school. Yeah. Or when you're done, you know, when you decide you're done growing, your family like those years are crazy and they're so much to figure out. And these are really, really big. Like life defining things. Yeah. And generation defining things. And so, um, it's just a lot to figure out.

And of course there are so many voices telling us exactly what we should be doing and how to do it. [00:04:00] Um, and so yeah, that's my, my heart is to turn down some of the noise from outside and help women figure out what's actually. True and right and best and good for them so that they can build lives that they actually like, genuinely love that they love.

Not just that are pretty on the outside, but that they love.

Jac: So true. I really wish you were in my apartment right now, Steph, because I have like, because I would, I would, I would bring you into my bedroom and I'd show you my vision board. 'cause I have like, I'm a huge vision board enthusiast. I'll send you a picture after this.

But I have this massive vision board next to my bed and it's all like these pictures between like, you know, family aspirations or finances or career bible verses like things I try to speak over in my life. And it's been a huge um. You could say game changer. I guess just in terms of like how I try to even structure my days, right?

And like what my goals are, but I feel like when people hear the phrase like, create a life you love, right? It can sound very like aspirational and [00:05:00] vague. How do you define that in a way that feels like grounded and realistic, not performance or performative and, and pressure filled.

Steph: Yeah. Um, you know, I think there's a, so there's a couple things I think.

When you hear create a life you love, I think there's a part of us that's like, am I allowed to do that? Like, is it, is that selfish? Is that, um, you know, putting myself above other people or putting myself in front of what God wants for me? Is it, yeah. We can also feel like, well, that's nice for some people, but you don't know what my day-to-day life entails.

Like, there are so many things that happen in our day-to-day lives that we don't love, that we don't get to choose, um, the whole heart of the book, and I feel like my whole heart in general is how do you make the decisions? How do you be faithful with the things that are [00:06:00] yours to decide?

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: You can't control everything, but there is a law you can control.

You don't get to decide everything, but there are a bajillion decisions that you make in a day. There are, and you know, of course we want to seek wisdom and guidance, especially if you're a person of faith. Like we wanna be walking in step with what God has for our lives. But also, I feel like God is pretty clear in the fact that he's not a puppet master.

You know, like he's, we get to make, we have brains and hearts and lives and we get to make decisions and he's there with us, but, um, there's so much that we get to do. And so I think that that's, that's really what it is, is it's taking, um, it's using the agency that, like using your God-given agency in your life.

And so that's like the create part, but then a life you love is. That [00:07:00] you're. There, there are two pieces that I've come back to, just over and over again, and one of them is, um, that you're excited about your life. Like you, you're excited to get up in the morning. You're not, it's like, I feel like excited.

Is excited is the opposite of dread. Excited is the opposite of like permanence and Sunday scaries. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jac: So

Steph: like you, I remember this. Yes. Like you're happy to, to be in your life, um, for the most part, and then proud like you're you. When you look at the things that you're, like, you're, you're proud to look yourself in the mirror.

You're proud to tell people what you're up to. You feel like you're showing up and, and living into at least a, a chunk of your potential. Um, so that's kind of the combination is, is using your God-given agency over your life. To create a life that you're excited to wake up to in the morning most of the time.

And a life that you're proud of yourself for [00:08:00] living. Yeah, that's, that's my definition.

Jac: I love that. Speaking of agency stuff, have you felt personally like the older you've gotten, I guess like the more afraid you are to make decisions? And I ask that question because sometimes I feel like, like the older I get, I feel like even more paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice.

Right? Whether that's like. A move or a relationship. So what would you say to the woman who feels stuck because she's terrified of messing it all up?

Steph: Um, so it's funny because yes, and then no. Um, like if there was a fear graph, it would've gone up and up and up and up and up, especially as. I was making some of those really, really, really big decisions,

Jac: right?

Steph: Who am I marrying? Like what do I need to do to be in the place where I can find the person I wanna spend my life with? 'cause that was really important to me. Um, do we have kids? [00:09:00] What is my career? Where do I live? Like it, it ticked up and ticked up and ticked up, um, for a long time. And then like in the process of.

Actually figuring some of those things out, like getting some, um, some of the big pieces into place in a way that. Uh, I had to really fight for, but that, like, I feel really, really good about, like, I, I wasn't the person who, you know, came out of the womb knowing that I wanted to be a mom. I really, really, really wrestled with that decision.

Like, do really is motherhood for me. Um, it was so not easily one to kind of come to the conclusion that I did. Uh, but then once I got there, I really. Got there and was like, okay, no, I really do want to be a mom. And, and so that all that fighting like brought me to a really solid place where I knew that I had made [00:10:00] a good decision, the right decision for me.

And I feel like the same was true about marriage. The same was true about, you know, where I wanted to live. The same was true about work. Um, so there was a lot of fighting and a lot of anxiety going on. Um, but I think it's a combination of being on the other side of some of those things and being proud of and excited about the decisions that I made, but also having gone through that process of fighting.

For a while or, or like so often? Um, I feel like it's taught me to trust myself more. Hmm. And then not just trust myself that like, I can make good decisions, more trust myself to survive what happens if I don't.

Jac: Yeah, that's so true.

Steph: Like to reroute, you know, it, it really is amazing how, um, I mean. If you do something and you don't like how it turns out, almost always you can make a different decision.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Just [00:11:00] almost always.

Jac: Yeah,

Steph: that's so

Jac: true.

Steph: Um, a year, and I don't know, like, I mean, you know this, but I don't know if your listeners know this, but a year and a half ago. I moved my family, um, my three and a half year old twins and my husband and I moved to Spain. We rented out our house in Nashville. We like sold most of our stuff, our cars, everything.

Jac: You announced that like literally like you were gonna move there in the next month. That was the podcast we were on. So it was literally a year and a half ago. 'cause you were like, you were like, I haven't shared this yet. When is this episode going out? My god, it was like in two weeks. So he shared it.

That's how long ago it was. Is that wild?

Steph: I cannot believe it was. I cannot believe it was that long ago.

Jac: I know. Here you are. So

Steph: yes, you guys, you guys totally know this well, but the thing about it is like, it could have gone so awry. Like we could have gotten, we could have gotten rejected for our visas.

We could have, um, like my kids could have hated it. We could have hated it. We could have not been able to find a place to live. We could have, I don't know, gotten some. Like weird sickness that is only in Spain. That doesn't exist, [00:12:00] by the way. Um, but like, you know, we could have like a million things could have happened.

Yeah. And then if that happens, like you go home. You change it, you make a different decision. And so I think that like, yes, I experienced so much fear about making the wrong decision and then through experience I got to discover that one, making decisions isn't like a balance beam where if you tip tiny bit off or like a little too far to the right or to the left, you just destroy everything.

It doesn't work like that. Um. But also like if you, if you do happen to tumble far enough that you fall off and mess something up, you can always fix it. Like, you can always fix it. Um, and then, and you've learned so much for the, for the journey that you took to, like all of that whole roundabout journey taught you so much along the way.

And so I feel like I'm sitting here at this [00:13:00] point in life and I feel. More fearless than I ever have. So, yeah, I feel like at this point in, in life, I genuinely feel like pretty fearless because I, I, I've tried so many things and some of them have gone well and some of them haven't. Yeah. And I've learned something great no matter what, and.

Like I just, I, I trust that I'll figure it out.

Jac: That's been like such a main topic for me, Steph, like even all my podcast conversations is like the concept of decision making. And one thing that I like continually come back to is that we're not like so powerful that we can. Like stop God's plan for our lives.

Right. And God knows, like he gives us free will, but he also knows every decision we'll ever make. Right. And that has given me peace in knowing that, okay, like even if I'm presented with two doors, right, they both honor God. Like neither is sinful, like God will catch me. And either like with either door, I choose.

Yeah. So that has [00:14:00] been kind of like my, I guess like mental, like disposition when making decisions. Mm-hmm. But also too, I do struggle sometimes with. The thought of like, okay, is this decision my desire or is it God leading me? Right. And I look to like, there's tension with that even in the Bible. 'cause it's like, I don't wanna birth an Ishmael, right?

But I also wanna take steps of active faith like Ruth did. So like what is the balance right between like is this something I really want or is this like something that I think God is leading me to do? Whether that's, again, like moving cities or. It's just something that like, where like you're not really quite sure what the outcome will be.

Does that make sense?

Steph: Yeah. Um, I think you don't like, you don't know.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: You don't know. But I think that we get to decide as people in our lives what we will [00:15:00] regret more. Like which, which way we would rather get it wrong.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Would you rather try something? Find out like, oh, that wasn't necessarily it.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Or would you rather miss something because you didn't try?

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: And I just always like. I can't, I can live with that. I tried and oops. Yeah. Like that, that wasn't what I was supposed to do or that didn't work out. Or like, whoop, gotta gotta step ahead of you. God, I'm sorry about that. Um, I can live with that so much more easily than I can live with.

I just was too scared to try anything.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: I was just like, I was just too scared to try anything 'cause I didn't wanna get it wrong. And so I think that's kind of the choice that, that we have to make. And, um, I think that. I think that I would like to believe that God is pretty obvious if [00:16:00] he doesn't want us to do something.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: You know, like we have these different levers or these different like temperature gauges that we get to check in with on ourselves. You know, we have the Holy Spirit. We all kind of interact with the Holy Spirit differently. Maybe it's like kind of a gut thing. Maybe it's like a knowing, maybe it's a, maybe you actually get to hear the voice of God.

That's crazy and very cool. Um. You know, maybe it's, I, I feel like God has always used my friends so much mm-hmm. In my life. Um, you know, maybe you're like a, you just happen to, maybe you're like a symbols and signs kind of person, or maybe it's dreams or, um, the book you're reading or you know, whatever it is.

We have all these different. Ways that we can kind of check, do a pulse check on the different decisions we're making. And I just think that if a decision's bad, like you kind of like there are signs, you [00:17:00] know, like you feel kind of sick about it. It's the apartment is not every apartment you try to get into like is not working out.

Yeah,

Jac: yeah.

Steph: Closed

Jac: doors.

Steph: Yeah, just tons of closed doors along the way. Um, I think like, I think you kind of. I think if, if God really doesn't want you to do something, I think he's kind of obvious about it and the things that are not as obvious. I think he's like, you can love me.

Jac: Yeah. In

Steph: Greenville or in Nashville.

Jac: Yeah,

Steph: I'll love you either place.

Jac: I would consider moving to Nashville if you move back. So that is my requirement. Just let me know when you're coming back.

Steph: Great. Great, great, great. Yeah. My family's also curious about when I'm coming back.

Jac: Speaking of speaking of your family, well, that actually segues into my next.

Stuck question for you. You mentioned before that you often go to your friends, right? Just for like pulse checks on, you know, life decisions and whatnot. And I love how you spoke about having like a cabinet, right? So first of all, how many people are in your like, quote unquote cabinet, [00:18:00] and also how do you at the end of the day figure out like what is the, the fine line between accepting advice and counsel and wisdom from the members in your cabinet?

To also saying, well, this is what Carl and I really want to do, if let's say a majority of your cabinet doesn't agree with your decision, and I'm sure you face that with this move to Spain, right? So like how did you go about that decision making process?

Steph: Um, those are such good questions. I would have to count, I, I'd need like 10 minutes to count how many people are in my cabinet.

Jac: It's like, what? Probably 10.

Steph: Yeah. Yeah,

Jac: probably 10. That's

a

Jac: good, that's a good size.

Steph: Yeah, it's, it's about 10, probably, probably less. And you know, I talk about this in the book, but different members of my cabinet are in charge of different things.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: So like there are members of my cabinet that I would listen to about like.

I don't know whether or not to cut my hair.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: I definitely reached out to [00:19:00] my company, which I love

Jac: by the way.

Steph: Thanks. It's part of my fearless, my fearless era. Um, but so like there are people that I'd reach out to about that, but if they were to give me advice on, I don't know, money or something, I'd be like.

You don't know about that.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Like, that's not, that's not, let's say in our, it's not your

Jac: forte

Steph: that mm-hmm. That's not your thing. Um, so yeah, it's my, I have a really solid cabinet and I could tell you exactly like who's in it, what I trust them about, who's not in it. Who, um, yeah. And, and gosh, that process has been so.

Helpful. It's just been so helpful. It has relieved so much pressure on me. Yeah. Like to not, not even just to have people in my corner to help me make these different decisions, but just to have already thought about it. Who's in and who's out, because you get a lot of opinions from all kinds of people.

Mm-hmm. And to be like, Hmm, you're not in my cabinet. [00:20:00] Obviously you don't say that out loud, but you just take your advice with like a massive grain of salt.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Yeah. Like, let's not. You, you know, you're not one of the people that I trust to, to speak into this. It's just so freeing. Um, when it comes to me and Carl making a decision that our, that like our people don't agree with, it's hard because our families, um, I would say some members of our family didn't under, didn't totally understand, like, personally, um, I mean, no one in, no one in our families, almost no one in our families.

Would like do something similar.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Where, you know, they weren't right. Like, everybody's not dying to pick up and move to Spain in the same way that we were. So they can't relate to it as, as, you know, uh, like emotionally or fully, uh, as. Is is nice, you know, um, but it doesn't mean they didn't understand and it didn't [00:21:00] mean that they weren't supportive.

And so that's like our whole, our families were both like, I mean, we're sad, but we're sad we don't take our grandchildren away.

Jac: Yeah. But we understand.

Steph: But we understand. Yeah. And we're on your team and we, we are fully behind you. Yeah. Um. And I think if they, you know, every once in a while people make bad calls, whether it's us, you know, we're totally allowed to make mistakes and our cabinet's also allowed to make mistakes where they maybe say, Hey, you shouldn't move to Spain.

I feel like this is a really bad idea and we do it anyway. And they're like, oops, sorry.

Jac: Yeah, yeah,

Steph: I was wrong.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Um, but that's just part of it. It just, it's just part of it. And, um, I think the more part of the. Like coming back to this idea of this fearless era, I think the more clear I can get on what I believe and who I am and what, like what my own inner compass is telling [00:22:00] me, um, who I listen to and who I don't.

All of those things just have brought such a confidence. To me so that I, I can make decisions even if people disagree. I don't love, I don't love when people disagree. Yeah. Like, to be fair, I love, I'm a consensus person. I am a, yeah. Same. Let's all agree on this. Wait, someone doesn't,

Jac: yeah. I don't even

Steph: know their name,

Jac: but their concern concerns me.

Like, why? Yeah.

Steph: Yeah. Yes.

Jac: No, same.

Steph: Yeah.

Jac: Yeah. My sister and I are that way too. Like, we'll, like verify, be like, should I do this? And like, if she says yes, I'm like, great green light. And if she says no, I'm like, wait, why does Juliana think that? Like, I need to know. See on the same page. Uhhuh, but

Steph: Uhhuh.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: But like sometimes, I mean, sometimes she's gonna be wrong.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: And, and also it's like it's important to. Sometimes we have those people in our, sometimes we have people in our lives that we give that power to that don't necessarily deserve it. Yeah. Or [00:23:00] don't have the track record or the expertise or Right.

Um, the, the impartiality to really give us good counsel. And that's, that's hard. Um,

Jac: and they're different people too, right? Like, everyone's gonna like, have different, like interests and desires and like, we're not all the same, you know? So that's obviously a factor too.

Steph: I think that's one of the important things about your cabinet is they need to, to be able to distance themselves enough in order to say like, good for you, not for me.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: And, and like everyone is gonna make different decisions. Every single person is gonna make different decisions.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: And so to be able to say, I so like, I really support you in this. I understand how you got there.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: I personally did not make that decision, but that has nothing to do with whether you should or not.

Jac: Right. Yeah. Signs of a good cabinet. I love that. Yeah. I have, you could say like, I have a cabinet too of friends. I don't think they know they're actually in my cabinet, but I can like name off the like top of my head, like five friends who I'll just verify like, do you think this is a good decision? [00:24:00] But yeah, I think like probably like six friends I probably wouldn't surpass like Yeah, that's like a good number where it's like you're not like seeking like too much information, but yeah.

Yes. Because sometimes that could also be a thing too, right? Like more information, like even the Bible says that like, like knowledge does not equate to wisdom, right? So you can know everything and like still not be wise, right? Same thing applies here.

Steph: Yep. Yep. Too much is too much. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

Jac: And going back to clarity stuff, so another, um, topic you spoke about, which I, I really love this 'cause I struggle with this, is you spoke about not skipping the present, but investing in it, especially when things are not always clear. So what does that really look like to invest in our present? And it's funny because I feel like, and I was telling you, you know, beginning of this conversation, I've been in Greenville almost four years, which is wild to me.

It'll be June, uh, four years in June. But I've never spent more than four years in the same city. I was in Boston for four years, [00:25:00] and then prior to that I was in college for four years. So I feel like I'm at a point now where it's like, okay, like, is this it? I don't know, explore elsewhere. But also recognizing like I still feel like I don't quite have the clarity that I need to make that decision.

So I also started thinking to myself, okay, but how can I really be more present in my life here and do things that I haven't done? And here's like a silly example, like joining a pickleball league or like doing something that like I haven't done in my four years here. It can also kind of make it feel like a new like city.

So yeah, like what are some other examples that you could offer for people who. Don't feel present in their current situation, but also don't have clarity on like, figuring out what to do next.

Steph: Yeah. Um, one, so there's two, two examples of this. Um, one, I, Carl and I moved to Nashville like 12 years ago, something like that.

Um, and it [00:26:00] was sort of a, like, we just, it was just the only door that opened for us. Um, we had just lost. Uh, both of our, we'd both just lost our jobs like three months before our wedding. I remember that. It was this whole, it was crazy not '

Jac: cause I was there. I remember it. 'cause he wrote about it,

Steph: right?

It's, I mean, it was crazy. It was crazy. And, uh, Nashville was the only door that opened to us and at first I was really excited about it. I mean, Nashville is, and even, I mean, it's changed even so much since then. Yeah. But like it was and still is such a cool city. Um, and I knew that. But, uh, and, and I knew why we moved there.

I knew it was a great opportunity. We, like, it truly was the only door that opened. We knocked on a locked doors. Um, but as we kind of got settled in there, I realized that I was super, super lonely. Moving to a new place is like fun in theory, but it, it is, it can be incredibly [00:27:00] lonely. Um. And that's not just true with moving.

It's like if you're in a new season of life, if you, if your friends are in new seasons of life, like there's so many times as adults that I think we find ourselves in really lonely places.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Um, but so that's how I felt in Nashville and I was just desperate to go back home. I was like, I am going back to Colorado.

Get me back there. I would go visit all the time. I was home for like every birthday and baby shower and anything. Like, I, I just was very clear about the fact that my center of life was, was still in Colorado. Um, and I remember sitting, I was sitting in the like. Sanctuary where I had, uh, my college ministry.

And, um, I was just home visiting one time and I was sitting up in, in like the balcony by myself and praying and talking, like writing, journaling to God about how I just could not wait to get out of Nashville and I wanted to go back home, like, why do you have me here? And I had this just sort of steady hand [00:28:00] on my shoulder that just like stopped me in my tracks and it was like, what if I like.

What if I have something for you here, like, I didn't do this by, I didn't do this on accident. This wasn't, this wasn't an accident. What if I have something for you here? And it, like, it wasn't an audible voice. It wasn't, it wasn't even that clear. Um, the thought, the thought wasn't even that clear, but it just was kind of this pause.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: And I started to walk down the road in my head of what would happen if I just kept living in my head and my heart and my, you know, spare time somewhere else. If I just was like, well, not, I'm not investing in Nashville at all. Well, I realized that God probably does have something for me in Nashville, and if I just avoid it, then I'm not going to get whatever it is, like I just will completely miss whatever it is, um, while also not being fully in Colorado either because my body was in Nashville.

Jac: Right.

Steph: Um. I think part of the thing that was holding me back [00:29:00] from investing was that I didn't want to give up this idea of home. Like it felt like I had to, I had to know where home was and home wasn't, wasn't in Nashville because home had to be in Colorado and it just, it felt like this huge decision and so as I'm sitting up in the balcony in my college ministry's sanctuary, I just decided that I was going to.

Give Nashville my all for as long as I was there so that I didn't miss whatever God had for me. But also I decided in that moment that I'm a person that has multiple homes. Love that. I'm also the person who has like 15 favorite songs. And you know, like I just am not same. I don't, I cannot pick one. Um, but like I'm, I have multiple homes and I really do, I feel very at home in several different places around the world.

Yeah. At this point, um, like I have closets in several different places, you know, like I have stuff stored in all these different places.

Jac: You still, yeah. So inspired by that.

Steph: Um, [00:30:00] it's like, I mean my, yeah, my, my stuff in my, my childhood bedroom at my parents' house and like, that's home. Yeah. And here is home and all these different places are home.

And realizing that I didn't have to just pick one, took off so much pressure, specifically from the, the moving conversation. And so while there is an element of, you know what I mean, one of the questions we're asking is like, where do we wanna be long term and. That does. We're, we're getting to a point where that does, we do need to pick something because I, I think, and we're still kind of playing with this, I think it's important to us that our kids have that rooted sense of home.

Right. That doesn't change for, for a lot of their childhood. Um, I, I think, I mean, there's so much to be gained from. You know, exploring the world and doing so many different things, but then there's also so much to be gained from that. Yeah. So we're, that's one of the things we're trying to figure out. Um, so we do at some point need to figure out like, okay, where's home or where's home?

Like home [00:31:00] base gonna be for the next however many years? Um, but all that to say like, I just didn't wanna miss what God had for me. I didn't wanna miss what was good about this season because I just was thinking about something else. Um, and, and realizing that I could have both was really powerful.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Uh, this came up a lot during the time when I was single. Uh, and then also at the time I was just gonna

Jac: say,

Steph: yeah. And then also the time when I was trying to get pregnant. Uh, I really, really, really. Wanted both of those things to happen and it just felt like they weren't happening and it was happening so slowly.

And it was while I was single that I had kind of, again, that hand on my shoulder. And this time it was clear. Um, but I feel like God was like, if you knew that this was going to turn out great, that you were going to be married to someone fantastic and everything was gonna be exactly the way you hope it would be four years from now.

Like, how would you live today? It was so [00:32:00] obvious to me that I would just like live it up. I would do all the things I'd wanted to do. I would pursue dreams. I would, I would just take off the breaks completely and just live life so fully because I'd been holding my, holding myself back because I, I felt like I had to be ready and waiting and doing things this exact right way in order to be there when God had, you know, whoever the person was for me.

But having that taken care of. Okay, well then I'm gonna go someplace and I'm gonna do something and I'm gonna like, help the people that are mine to help. I'm gonna create something. I'm gonna spend time with my friends. I'm gonna, you know, like work on my stuff, you know, in, in working on or in trying to get pregnant.

Um, I spent a lot of time in therapy, not about trying to get pregnant, but about just like anything I could find in my heart that I didn't wanna carry with me into the next season. Um. And I tra we traveled and we like, just did so many fun things. Um, [00:33:00] those I love. I love that investment so much because it made my life so much better at the time and.

It made it so that I wasn't actually like wasting the present, but also it was because of those things that I was actually ready when the next thing came. In fact, it was because I was living that way that I met Carl if I hadn't been living that way. Again, God knows all the decisions and he can reroute us and stuff, but like it, that was why I met him.

Yeah, and that's, that was exactly the thing that made him go, Ooh, there's something special about her.

Jac: Yeah,

Steph: I love that. I'm such a better mom too because of all of the work that, that I did while I was trying to get pregnant. Um, so I, I just think the present is this incredible time where we get to live our whole lives and then also.

Prepare for the future. And if we're so focused on the future that we miss it, we miss out on our future. Mm-hmm. And also we're not ready [00:34:00] for it when it comes.

Jac: Isn't that so funny? Like that's the irony. Like you're never really living then 'cause you're always preoccupied at something. It's like just living in your head 24 7.

And I'm sure like a lot of listeners resonate with that because that, I feel like that's been me for like the longest time. Like. You're on autopilot and you literally miss like what is right in front of you because you're so preoccupied with like, but I want this to happen at this point in time. And then if it hasn't happened yet, then it's just like, how can I make it happen?

And it's like, it's this rat wheel, you know? Yeah. You know? You remember,

Steph: I remember. Yep.

Jac: Yeah. But all that to say is too stuff like. When we start measuring our lives against someone else's like pace, right? We lose our ability to enjoy what is in our lives. And again, like I shared this to you earlier, but like as a single 30-year-old, we're like, all of my friends like are in different life stages, right?

Like some are married, some are engaged, like some are mothers. It's hard because it's not like when you're in school where everyone's at the same pace. You know? Like we graduate high school, you get this, have our first job, get this. It's this free for all. And it can create so much [00:35:00] angst when you're comparing, okay, like this person has achieved this at this age and I haven't, is that a reflection of that I'm not doing well?

Or is that a reflection of, and it's not right, but like. How can we not help but like think that, and I love that you mentioned your mom had you at 34 and your sister at 37, and I found that so encouraging because I feel like, especially being in the south, like people marry so young and like our mother is by like 24, 25.

So it's just like grounding yourself in this is my own pace. Like this is God's timing and learning, like you said, just to like really trust that. But it's hard, you know, like it's not easy.

Steph: No, of course it's hard. One of the reasons that I've, or one of the things that's made me so, well, lemme back up a little bit.

I am totally a rule follower, like just in life. I am absolutely a rule follower. I'm Type A, I'm a oldest child. I have anxiety, like I have all the, all of the things when people pleaser. Um. [00:36:00] Uh, so I, I like following the rules and again, part of this like fearless era has been like stepping into this identity of being more of a rule breaker or maybe a rule maker.

Jac: Yeah, I like that.

Steph: Just blindly follow rules anymore. And it's something that I've had to really like work on. Um, it's something that's taken years and years and years to kind of peel off of me. Um. But one of the things that's been really helpful in becoming a rule breaker or maker is realizing that the rules are different everywhere and it feels, it feels like.

Whatever people are doing in your tiny little, like in, even in just in your cabinet or in your friend group, in your family, in your neighborhood, in your town, in your church, in your small group, in your pledge class, from your sorority, in your, like whatever the group is.

Jac: [00:37:00] Yeah.

Steph: Um, in your part of the country, in your part of the world, whatever people are doing, it feels like those are the rules and that your life should, or that's the rubric and your life should, should measure up to it.

But the thing. Is that's so wonderful and interesting and has brought me so much freedom. Is that like if you walk across the street to a different church, the rules are different there, the norms are different there. Same with, uh, different parts of the country. Like being a single 30-year-old in the south, you may feel like geriatric.

I spent one of my best friends lives in New York and she's incredible and creative and just. Like a ball of lights. Um, but I got to spend a lot of time with her friends in her community around when she was getting married and a lot of her friends were older than me and single or, you know, dating someone or like, not dating someone or we, I basically, I was one of the only people that [00:38:00] had kids.

I was like the, the mom of the group. Yeah. And I was one of the youngest people and they were like kind of. Shocked. And like, like you have, you have kids already. Yeah. Like it was like I was a child, bride, child, mom. Like I, I have my kids. I don't even know how old, how old I was. Um, but it just, the point is that it's different everywhere.

And so the rules aren't actually rules, it's just norms of the tiny little community that we find ourselves in. If you put yourself in a different tiny little community, you're gonna find out. The norms are different. Yeah. And so that's why, that's just one of the reasons why I'm becoming such an advocate for breaking some of the rules that you've thought you had to live by and, and making some of your own.

Because it is not weird at all to be single. I'm 30 it, there's you are at the beginning of your life in so many ways.

Jac: Thanks for the reminder, Steph.

Steph: Truly. But like, it can feel weird. Yeah. But it's part of, it's just part of the, depends on who you surround yourself with.

Jac: Yeah. You know? So [00:39:00] true. And just like tactically too, women who struggle with comparison, right?

I forgot, I think it was, I forgot who said this, but it was like, use the analogy of running like you're running a race and it's like if you look to the person next to you, you look at their lane, right? Like it slows you down as well and it like distracts you, right? So like how do we avoid looking at another person's lane, but also trying to be supportive if the person running in that lane is our friend?

Steph: Um, limit your social media time. Like truly no joke. Uh, limit who you follow and limit just your time in general, because limiting who you follow used to be easier. And now I feel like the algorithm just shows us. Whatever it wants to show us whether we follow people or not. And so truly, I've been like, I'm just not spending time on here anymore and, or I'm really, really limiting it.

I have like an app that kicks me off from nine to nine, so

Jac: that I, I love that.

Steph: It's [00:40:00] like, it will not. That's amazing.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Um, it's annoying when my friends send me like a TikTok or something, I'm like, watch it in the morning. Watch it after 9:00 AM Um. But like, yeah, spend less time on social media. It is weird that we have access to so many people's lives.

It is, it's like keeping up with, it's not normal. Joneses was a thing. Yeah. Before social media. And now keeping up with the everybody is, it's too, it's too much.

Jac: It's too much.

Steph: Um, so that's one thing. And then the other thing is I find that celebration is a really powerful antidote to comparison. Like when you are really, really genuinely celebrating a friend and you, you like pause long enough to, let's say it's a promotion or so, you know, she has something at work that happened to her or happened for her.

Um, it hasn't happened for you and, and you like really want it to, instead of thinking about how you want this thing and haven't gotten it and she's gotten it. [00:41:00] One, we need to remember that someone else getting something does not mean there's less for us. Yeah. Like, it just doesn't, um, but also slowing down long enough to go.

What has she been working on? What has she been through? What did she study in school? What did she like, what, how has she hustled? How has she like. What has her, her path been like? Stop and remember her path and how it hasn't been easy and how she's worked so hard and how she's fallen and gotten back up and, um, remember her road.

Yeah. And celebrate where she is on it. And I just think that, that like. When you're really pouring your heart into celebrating a friend and not just like planning a shower for her or something, but genuinely seeing the progress she has made and being so happy for the fact that she is where she is. It just helps so much.

And you know, I [00:42:00] think we can either spend our lives kind of protecting ourselves and like hoarding. Things for ourselves, or we can just live with super open hearts and just give everything away. And when we live like that, it's just, everything's so much better. We can just all celebrate each other. And so when it's your turn, everybody just celebrates you wildly and.

Yeah, there just, there really is more than enough to go around. So yeah, I love that celebration and also get off social media.

Jac: Yeah, so true. I think I mentioned this to you like during our first podcast episode, but I like deactivated my personal social media accounts like after my breakup, which was like what, five, six years ago at this point, which is wild.

But all that to say, ever since I did that, like I haven't used my personal social media in the past five years and Steph, it's been like, it's amazing. I am a huge advocate of it. I'm like, get off social media. But as you and I were talking about like before you started recording, like the nature of my business is like also like on social media, right?

So it's like creating those boundaries. But I think too, with [00:43:00] well and strong, like I create more than I consume, and I feel like that's the key as well, right? Like limit consumption, unless it's again, like really positive things. But yeah, I mean I pretty much only follow like. Brands and companies that I work with.

But it's just nice to like not have to be in the know all the time with everyone. And also like, if one of my really good friends has like great news, like she'll call me, right? Like I don't have to like hear about it on social media. She'll be like, I got engaged. You're like, I'm pregnant. And like that's also so much more meaningful 'cause I could be like, congratulations, you know, like, not just like congratulations, but

Steph: yes.

Jac: Yeah,

Steph: it's, I've friends have, you know, someone will be like. Uh, well, you know, I went to New York last weekend. Like, I didn't know that you went to that on social one forever. Like, if you really wanna show me something, send me a picture and, and we do, you know?

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Um, and it's like, it also was fine that I didn't know she went to New York last weekend.

She can now tell [00:44:00] me about it. I like, I really didn't, I really didn't miss anything.

Jac: Yeah, so true. Well, st I know we're nearing time. One other question I really wanna ask you too, um, in terms of just like planning things out, right? I feel like, I feel like you used to be more of a planner than you are now.

Is that true or like, do you, are you still like a planner mentality type person?

Steph: Um, I am really goal oriented.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Like really goal oriented and really, uh. Like achievement oriented. Yeah. Like I love, I love a good project and I love making progress on things and checking things off the list. Um, but in terms of like a long-term plan,

Jac: like life goals, yeah.

Steph: Not as much as I used to be.

Jac: Interesting. Yeah. I feel like I'm, I'm the same, like I have like my yearly goals, like my monthly goals, but. You spoke about like creating goals like five years out. Like do you think that's, do you still think that's like a good, [00:45:00] I guess, timeframe for someone to be like, okay, like within the next five years, like, I wanna do X, Y, and Z?

Right. Without getting too ahead of ourselves. And I also liked how you spoke about setting goals by working backwards. Like imagine yourself at the end of your life and like looking back and be like, oh, like I did this, this, and this. Because I feel like that's such a better way. To really understand like what we really want, right?

Steph: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think, I think knowing where you're headed or having like a, having a. Direction is important.

Jac: Yeah,

Steph: like really important. I think. Knowing what you want in life and yeah, knowing what you want to be able to say about your life when you're at the end of it and working backwards. That's so huge.

Like you, our lives don't happen very well on accident. You don't just, you don't just stumble into a life that you love and are excited to wake up to and are proud of. Like most of those things take some some work and there's so much to get distracted by [00:46:00] that. Like the chances that you're gonna end up in a place, like without doing it on purpose, it's just very unlikely, I would say.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: So knowing where you wanna go, what's important to you? What values like. I want this to be part of my life. I want my life to contain this. I want, um, knowing the, knowing the, the big picture pieces and the little picture pieces of what will be, what mean? Like what is a good life to you? What does, what does that look like?

Um, and pursuing that wholeheartedly. I think that's really, really good in terms of saying I will live. Here, or I will, you know, do this exact thing. I think in some ways I'm embracing that more than ever, where I'm like, by this date, I'm going to crush this goal. You know, I'm like sprinting after this thing, but then I'm like, I think I'm, I would like to be [00:47:00] surprised.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: Like I, I don't know exactly where we'll be, but I know that we'll be surrounded by friends. I know that we'll be in a, you know, in five years I know we'll be in a deeply rooted community. Yeah. I don't exactly know what state that's in or country, but like we will because that's super important to us.

Jac: Yeah,

Steph: I

Jac: love that.

Steph: Yeah. Does that make sense?

Jac: No, it does. So I mentioned something too that I haven't shared with the community yet about something I'm working on, so stay tuned. But within, um, that project that I'm working on Step, I have a section about like co partnering with God right? In like our vision and whatnot.

And just looking at scripture, I thought it was so interesting that. God gives vision, right? But he doesn't always say how it's actually gonna happen. So as I've gotten older, I've realized it's so important to have vision and have a goal. But it's okay to be flexible in how we get there, right? And I feel like I used to be so rigid, like this, this, and this has to be done, this, this, and this way.

But I'm realizing more and more that like [00:48:00] the steps to get there doesn't really matter, right? Like as long as you have like the end destination in mind, like there's many ways to get there. And that's kinda like the heart of this conversation, right? Like you could do different paths, right? One is not necessarily better than the other, but as long as you have that vision of your end goal in mind.

That's pretty much all that matters at the end of the day.

Steph: Yep. Yep. A hundred percent.

Jac: Yeah, a

Steph: hundred percent. There's, um, if you'll allow me something that you, um, I honestly don't know, like what triggered this, um, but I feel like this is, it's just something that I keep thinking about for you, uh, in particular and for your listeners.

And, um, it's just an encouragement, but it's to take more risks. Yeah. Like, just take, just take more risks and if things don't go the way that you want them to, like, you'll figure it out. And they really can't go that bad, you know? Yeah. Like, you're

Jac: not gonna

Steph: do something [00:49:00] that's that crazy. Um, I just, yeah. I just like strongly feel like take, take more risks, try more things, like throw more at the wall.

You're gonna be really wonderfully surprised by what sticks. Yeah. And you'll never know if you don't. Like,

Jac: yeah,

Steph: try something that's outside of your comfort zone.

Jac: Yeah, I needed to hear that. See, like I told you like this conversation is just perfect timing too because like I'm at a crossroads in so many areas.

And also too, like on the concept of risks before we wrap up, people think like I'm just like a friendly person stuff by nature. Like I like make friends at strangers on the street and people are like, how do you do that? And I'm just like, the more you do it, like the less scary it is. Right. And similar how, like you said, you feel fearless now 'cause you were able to like.

Accomplish an amazing feat of moving to Spain with like two, like young children and just with your husband and like, like, it's incredible. You know, like looking back, like when you're in your nineties, you're gonna be like, wow. Like I can't believe we did that. But this [00:50:00] enables you right, to just be more confident, like you said, and fearless in making other big decisions going forward.

'cause like you prove to yourself that you can do it, you know?

Steph: A hundred percent. Yeah.

Jac: Yeah,

Steph: a hundred percent. I

Jac: love that.

Steph: I love that, that

Jac: Steph, if someone finishes this book and remembers just one truth, like one anchor, they can carry into everyday life, what? What should it be?

Steph: There's not one right way to live a beautiful life.

There's just not. There's like a hundred billion different ways.

Jac: Yeah. I love

Steph: that. You get to decide. You get to figure out what it is for you.

Jac: Well, this book is definitely gonna help so many listeners do just that. Steph, where can they find you? Where can they follow your work? Pick up a copy of Create a Life You Love All the links.

I'll link them in the show notes, but I want you to say them too.

Steph: Yeah. Um, so my home base is Stephanie May wilson.com, and all of my resources are at Stephanie May wilson shop.com. [00:51:00] Um, my books, my journals, I have some really, really, uh, exciting things like I've, my brain is overflowing at the moment, and so I'm just making things and sharing them as fast as I can.

Um. I actually just, um, finished a resource all about how to end a friendship, which is not fun, but also nobody talks about it and nobody tells you how to do it. And so like, what to actually say. Um, when you're in a position where you feel like you need to break up with a friend, um, I'm working on another one that's all about like breaking up with actually a.

Like partner, romantic partner. Um, 'cause I, I find that, you know, these we're in a season of life in this kind of, you know, era that we've been talking about. And so much happens. It's such a time of decision and transition, but a lot of those decisions and transitions happen around conversations. That a lot of times we're really scared to have.

Um, [00:52:00] and I'm really bad at a lot of things in the world, but one of the things that I'm actually pretty good at is putting words around, uh, moments like that. Yeah. Like really big hard conversations.

Jac: Yeah.

Steph: So anyway, that's just one of the things that I'm working on and, um. Truly, there's like, there's so much coming.

My brain

Jac: is, I'm so excited.

Steph: My brain is overflowing. So come hang out.

Jac: I know. I was curious what you're working on, because I know you're taking a break from your podcast, so I'm like all excited to see what is gonna be coming out in the next several months.

Steph: I'm, I'm working on a new journal with my best friend Kelsey, all about motherhood.

Jac: Kelsey, I need to have Kelsey on the podcast 'cause I've heard her come on your show. And I love Kelsey too. I feel like I know her, but

Steph: deeply do. She's so wise and. Super funny. Just, yeah, she's fantastic. You absolutely need to have her on the show.

Jac: Did she move to Spain with you for a year or was that another friend?

Mm-hmm. That was Kelsey. Nope, that was, but she's back home now, right?

Steph: She's back home, yeah.

Jac: Yeah,

Steph: she's back home.

Jac: I have to reach out to her. Um,

Steph: yeah, you really, really should. She's, she's fantastic. Um, but yeah, working on so many things, my brain is just. It's going [00:53:00] nuts. So stay tuned. Lots of things to come.

Jac: Well, you always let me know how I can best support you. Um, I am gonna ask you again, 'cause I always ask people this, even if this is round two, but what does being well and strong mean to you?

Steph: I think it means knowing who you are and what you believe and what's important to you and what you're willing to fight for and what you're not willing to fight for.

Um, and then. Actually like taking steps because of those things. I think that that's, that's part of where the, like fearlessness comes from.

Jac: Yeah. Stephanie to make t-shirts, sweatshirts with fearless. I have your girls' night sweatshirt. I wear it all the time.

Steph: I'm literally wearing it right now. I'm, I know I slight cold.

I love it. It's. 10 o'clock at night. So I'm like, I'm just trying to make girl.

Jac: Well, you crushed this. Thank you again so much for your time. I'm so excited to share this with listeners. Um, I miss you. I hope you come back soon, but I'm glad I got to see you. [00:54:00]

Steph: I know. I'm glad I got to see you too.

Jac: I hope you enjoyed this episode.

If you would like to support the show, please subscribe, leave a rating and review and share it with others. Be sure to visit well and strong.com to access notes from the show and to stay current with new content. I'm so grateful you joined me. Be well and be strong.