The LYLAS Podcast
If you know what LYLAS stands for, then this podcast is for you! Two besties since middle school turned moms and psychologists dish on "the good, the fun, and the yucks" of life! We're tackling all things mental health, "mom balance" (whatever the hell that is), transitions in life (divorce, career, aging parents, parent loss, loss of friendships), self-care, travel, healthy habits, raising kids, and allllllll the things us midlife mamas are experiencing. We hope each week listeners feel like they just left a good ol' therapy session with their bestie! We'll dish on all the tips and tricks to keep your mental health in check and enjoy this thing called life! Meet your life's newest cheerleaders-- Sarah & Jen! LYLAS!
The LYLAS Podcast
My Algorithm Thinks I Bake Cakes And Raise Pygmy Hippos
A sudden internet blackout forced us to look up—and what we saw changed how we handle news, social feeds, and family time. We talk about the invisible cost of constant stimulation, how algorithms narrow our world, and why even “content we agree with” can quietly poison our mood. The conversation turns practical fast: we share the small switches that actually helped—curating feeds, muting hot-button topics, and building simple transition rituals between work and home so we don’t carry doomscroll energy into dinner.
We get honest about parenting through all of this. Kids don’t have the language for a dopamine comedown, and frankly, many adults don’t either. We explore modeling consistent tech boundaries, replacing screens with paper books and tactile activities, and using empathy when limits spark big feelings. There’s also a candid detour into managing stress during a home remodel, noticing when reactions are outsized, and asking for a short, peaceful break before re-engaging. It’s not about perfection; it’s about protecting the nervous system and choosing inputs that support the people we want to be.
If you’ve felt your mood bend after a 30-second reel—or realized that evening scrolling ruins the next 25 minutes—this one will resonate. You’ll come away with strategies for an algorithm detox, ideas for evening resets, and a gentler way to hold both productivity and presence. Less noise, more real life. If this spoke to you, follow the show, share it with a friend who needs a reset, and leave a quick review so others can find it too.
Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com
It's been a minute since we've recorded anything. So busy. We were just, yeah, busy. We've both been busy, and it's that season of life right now. We're in in the full swing. I don't know about you, but full swing of like kids and sports and school and work and all that stuff. And it like when it's all together, it just it feels like a hot potato sometimes. We're constantly trying to figure out who's taking who, where, what, when, you know, all those things. So yeah. It's just the season of life we're in.
SPEAKER_02:It is big transition time with the bean fall, too.
SPEAKER_01:Uh yesterday was like a blackout for us because we were we had no internet um from about one o'clock until well, until I woke up this morning, the internet was back on. But it was kind of like widespread from what I read across several states. That was interesting because it's been a minute since we've had like a total outage like that for an extended period of time where none of us could use our electronic devices and and uh like couldn't check your email. I could check it obviously once I was out and use data on my phone. But so many people were using data, it was painfully slow. Um, so like I was gardening last night until 9 o'clock p.m., like under the lights, just because I didn't have anything else to do. And um even the kit, like Jack was out there with me. But it was kind of nice also just to have a break from the constant um dopamine hit that is social media. Um, because I'm I fall victim to it just like everybody else. And once you get scrolling, it's really hard to stop scrolling. Um and for me, like the algorithm has me figured out uh to a really annoying point. So now I purposefully am not watching things that I would have maybe previously watched, or just like I did a real housekeeping uh about a week ago of like anything political, whether it was something I agreed with or not. I just started to like clear it out because it was just feeding this echo chamber that I couldn't get out of, and it was really affecting my mood. And I mean, hell, I don't need anything else to affect my mood at this point. Like these hormones are out of control. So yeah, I had to I had to do some self-preservation recently and just kind of clean house. Did it work? Yeah, and just also just again be more mindful. Like I bought a book, like one that, you know, not on my Kindle, like an actual paper copy and just reading again at night, like trying to find other ways to stay off my phone for lots of reasons. Um and so yeah, it I you know, is it just that that's helped? But no, I mean, I don't know, but the combination of like just spending less time on my phone, not watching everything. Like I said, even if I agree with it, like it can get me so riled up, especially if I'm already in a mood, you know, and I just I don't need that. And you think about like people that think differently from you, right? People on the other side of the spectrum, they're getting that same thing, but on the other side of the spectrum. And I was like, at some point, like we are all just gonna have to put our phones away and start making decisions for ourselves and making our like our own conscious belief systems again, because it is so and I will say that on both sides, like it's so extreme, it's really hard, and we're not a political show by any means, but if politics is not affecting your mental health right now, then you are living under a rock or purposefully not paying attention to it, which some people are choosing to do that as well. I'm not gonna, you know, not gonna criticize that, but it is a volatile situation in this country right now, and it's hard not to be affected by it. I don't care how you which way you lean. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_02:No, and it I think the word that keeps coming up for me is it's just so toxifying. It's like a radioactive toxin that's just coming through the waves of our phones or computers or televisions that we may not be so aware of how toxifying it is to our body's system, just in terms of its functioning, but it a hundred percent is like anytime any we go in for an X-ray, I'm not feeling those rays, you know? Like I'm not feeling that that could be something that is troubling to me. Um yeah, but that that I think is what's happening whenever we're constantly being exposed to that type of um toxic algorithm that kind of comes through. And we're the ones that said it and we do it unintentionally. I mean, every person, you know, I buy things because I like them. That's human nature, you know. We watch things because we like them. But the problem, I think, has started to become that whenever that's your only filter. And so, you know, I'm going to the grocery store, I'm gonna see a whole bunch of different types of cleaning products. And I might look at a few of them. I might default back to the one I always get, but at least I'm looking at other things. And our lifestyle with social media, news, whatever, has become that we're not even seeing other things anymore. We're just seeing the one thing, and then that just grows even stronger. And whenever that happens, polarity is created. And I just there's never been an example that I'm aware of in like human history where that has ever like turned out favorably. It always turns out more than everybody comes together. So if that's what's getting ready to happen, then God bless. But we're in control, so hopefully we make better decisions about it. But geez, no, I agree. It's rough.
SPEAKER_01:It's rough, and like I was kind of sharing with you beforehand, like I am already struggling to manage my emotions most days, not always, but like, you know, just the uptick and symptoms I feel like I'm experiencing lately. You know, I don't need anything else like feeding uh my mental health in a negative way. And so uh it also gives you a little perspective too about how like kids watching YouTube, same thing. It's an algorithm that keeps the, you know, it's the that dopamine hit. It's that, you know, anytime I would put my phone down, I started to notice, like, ugh, I just feel, ugh, or like angry or, you know, all these things. And like gives you that perspective of same things when, you know, you ask your kids to get off YouTube or your, you know, whatever they can't, whatever they're watching, and they're like frustrated, you're like, oh, that's the same feelings that I have when I'm being fed by an algorithm. So it just like kind of gives a whole perspective. And we talk a lot in this family about, you know, putting our phones down. My kids are real quick to call us out when we, you know, like we can't have technology during the week. Why can you all stare at your phones? And like, valid point, you know, you're right. Um and so just trying to be more mindful and and also being like, oh yeah, now I see why you're a turd when I ask you to get off your iPad. Like you're feeling like I feel that way. I'm a turd when I get off my phone some days, if I've been, you know, doom scrolling. Yeah. Um so I know.
SPEAKER_02:And I think it's we noticed this um the other day, for whatever reason, we turned on like the evening news in our house. And we never watched the evening news, but I remember as a child, we always watched the evening news. And I remember back then the main difference that you had to make in watching like the cable evening news was Dan rather your guy, or was it Tom Brokaw? But it didn't matter because the news was the same on both stations. It was just the style in which it wasn't even the accuracy, it was the style in which they reported it because what we had at that point in time was real reliability between news stories. So, you know what I mean? You could put it on whatever that was, like CBS or NBC, and we're getting the same story. We're just sure we like one guy better or differently than the other, but there's not even that kind of congruence anymore whenever it comes to like the news media. And so we don't even watch it. And even when I was practicing clinically, you know, I would have so many patients that would come in and be upset about this thing or the other thing, or wondering how it was going to affect them. And that did feed a cyclic um nature of just worry about things that are outside of your control or the what-ifs. And it was just to a point where I was like, you we just this is not effective. You can make the decision to or not do this, but it's not helping. And so I would suggest not at this point. Because I don't know what we get from it anymore, except more confusion and negativity. Like right, and fear and fear, right, right?
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it breeds that fear of like, oh my gosh, this is gonna happen. Oh my gosh, now what's how's this gonna affect this person I care about or or whatever? Um, the state I live in. So yeah, I think just the fear that comes with it, there's no there's no manual for this as an adult, as a parent of, you know, even like explaining, trying to explain things to my kids, like I've I really struggle with that because I don't want to I don't want them to grow up being like, well, I'm blank conservative, or I'm liberal because that's what my parents were. I mean, that's very much how our generation was, right? If you would have asked me when I was 18, well, registered Republican because that's what everybody I knew was, right? Um and so like I just I don't I want them to form their own ideas and have their own um opinions. And so I'm pretty careful, somewhat careful, about what I share with them, but there is no playbook for this, and I think that's part part of it too, and why I was like, all right, I need to if I need to take a step back from this because you know I'm pissed about this or that, and now I'm driving my kid to football and he's asking while I'm pissed, but I don't really know how to explain it to a 10-year-old. Like it's those kinds of moments where I'm like, okay, it's time to take a pause for the cause here. I wish some days I could just like totally get off social media, but that's just not gonna happen. Um I don't know. It just it does make me just take a second to go, okay, this probably isn't great for my own uh well-being.
SPEAKER_02:No, it's definitely not. And I think that's what I mean, that's what it comes down to is really recognizing whenever something even as small as seeing a 30-second reel has a 25-minute effect on you and your mood, which then trickles down to everything else. And now the evening is just kind of ruined, and everybody's like, well, where did this thing get sidetracked? And we always want to put it on an external factor, like, well, this person was driving so slow in front of me, or whatever else, instead of what the thing that we like is, whenever that's the problem. And we all have that tendency. Whenever we like doing something, that's not the problem because we like doing it whenever actually it is a significant problem, I think, for a lot of us. And it's so accessible.
SPEAKER_01:Yep. And so entertaining said that, you know? Right. It's the entertainment factor that you get sucked right in. Like I like these people, and some most of them I'm agreeing with them. That's why they're I'm getting more videos and things like that popping up on my feed, and then it's just like by the end of it, you know, you're like, I can't take it anymore. Um so it made me think going back to when we did that meditation retreat, one of the things that we were taught was about like transitioning to different parts of your day. So, like transitioning from like your morning routine to your work, and transitioning from your work to your evening routine. And so that maybe something else I reconsider is like that transition from work to my evening, because that to me seems to be like my toughest time. That's when I'll like scroll while the kids are having like their snack or whatever, we're getting ready, getting, or if they're at their um, you know, sport of the evening. Um, that's when I tend to doom scroll, like sitting there waiting. Um, and so maybe getting back to like that transition. I love the idea of like, you know, I do my morning meditation, but maybe that's a good time to practice like an evening meditation.
SPEAKER_00:Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01:I have been better about taking my book everywhere with me. So I have been reading a little bit more, but I still I can get so sucked into my phone so quickly of transition. That's a great idea.
SPEAKER_02:I like that you went to a book too, because I think you're right. We think you could have got that text on a Kindle, but that's still just gonna feed a machine. So going into an actual store, buying the book that you've heard so much about, putting that in your hands, it just has a it has so many different sensory components to it that have benefit to us. I mean, hey, you're not subjecting yourself to artificial light coming through something. You know what I mean? Even if it is a Kindle, it's still affecting your melatonin levels within your brain. So a paper page ain't doing that. And it's giving you something tactile, it has a certain smell to it. I mean, all the things just fire different neural networks within your brain that helps to get you more engaged, and that's why um reconnecting with that stuff can be so good. Like uh Rachel has a little book she's and started reading, and she just carries it around with her like all the time. And that's what she I mean, she doesn't have electronics in her room or anything like that, but we gave her, I mean, she's been taking this little book with her, and that's better, you know, than um those other things. It's a you know, she enjoys it, so there we go. But it's hard to kind of find that and then to transition to it. My algorithm is so silly, and it has nothing to do with things that I I mean, I don't bake. How many reels come across my my thing about making cakes? Now I do like the great British baking show. I love the great British baking show. So I but I watch, I mean, I don't watch much TV, but I watch a lot of British TV, and um that is like my favorite thing to like sit and watch on are cooking shows. But the I mean I see tons. I have a great idea in my head that I can make a rose on a cake. Is that ever gonna come to your fruition?
SPEAKER_01:No, no, you might, but you won't you don't eat cake, so I I don't know. No, so what's the point?
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_01:So what's the point?
SPEAKER_02:Right, right. So I just I mean that's what mine is, and then I've been following this little pygmy hippo named Mars. Do you know what I'm talking about? No idea. This is what comes up on my stuff, so it doesn't get much deeper than that, but where I do fall uh into like the prey zone is my news app. Yeah, so again, grow up journalistic kind of family, what's the news? What's going on in the world? And then I know that whenever I look at that, that's that's the trap, you know, because then I'm just gonna follow that app to what other stories it has about things. And so I made a decision the other day. I noticed I was looking at that app and I was just whatever thinking about the world, and I was like, I don't need to do this. I think the best way for me to make a judgment about what's happening in the world is to focus on the one that I'm in, like the one that I'm in driving down the street. And I don't think I'm not taking like an egocentric or a cultural-centric kind of view of that, because I also go to these other places and I see what's happening. Like, you know, I've been to Chicago, go to Chicago all the time, I go to Memphis, I go to, you know, wherever else, San Francisco, I've been to Cutter. You know, all these places where some of this stuff is happening at, I've had my own world experience there, which has served as my education about what's going on, instead of me having to be fed by somebody else or by an AI system that's picking up on something that I may be interested in. And so that's my new, that's my new shift, is what I'm focused on. What is my experience of the world? And that is serving as my education for myself and for my kids or anybody else.
SPEAKER_01:Less time in the on the internet is better for all of us and probably this the sake of the world. Although there's some good stuff on there too. So that's starting to feed my algorithm too. It knows that I want to see like happy stuff, and so I've noticed a lot more of that lately. But I it just goes back to like some self-awareness and really looking at okay, if I was in a pissy mood for the last three days, like what contributed to that and starting to like pay attention to your moods and and and what's affecting you, especially when you're so sensitive.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, especially when you're so sensitive right now.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. Like the other night, I was been walking a lot at night recently, and the other night I was just like boohoo and out of nowhere. I was like, well, thank God it's pitch black and no one can see me. And I turn a corner and like there's my neighbor walking towards me. I was like, damn it. Um but yeah, I don't know where I was going with that. Like just switching things up, trying to do like last night. I was like gardening because you know, just trying to like do things that uh that make you happy. Going back to what you know is always gonna put you in a good mood.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. And I'd say there's a difference between happiness and um excitatory agitation, which is you know, sometimes we get really excited whenever we watch something that you know is emotionally stimulating, but then that fuels a negative vibe or emotion or just sense about us that again can just emanate that radiation, that toxicity off of us. And so no, it's uh it's really, really, really tough. But I do think we've said this before, what you whatever behavior you pay attention to is the one that gets displayed over and over again, whether that's a positive or a negative. And technically, we are displaying a behavior by choosing what we watch on our phones, on our televisions, on our computers. And so if we want that to change, yeah. If we want that to change, we have to be the active ones to make that rhythm change.
SPEAKER_01:And so what we consume is so much more than just food, and it's yeah, you know, well, I strongly believe what we consume food-wise also affects us. I think that, you know, all the other information that we consume also has that impact on us. Um I mean, I certainly feel like the I've been very I make myself sound crazy on here. I mean, I guess I am a little crazy, but um aren't we all? But aren't we all truly like just the for me this past month has been harder than most. And I don't have like we're not dealing with a major health issue. We're not, you know what I mean, we don't have financial stress, like it's not like anything I can pinpoint, which is why I knew it had something to do with like me, something I needed to change. Um, because I didn't have a reason necessarily to be pissed off or stressed out, um, other than we were remodeling, but like other, you know what I mean? Like, even to that wasn't didn't call for some of like my reactions to things. And that's hard to admit sometimes to be like, oh no, I freaking overreacted. My husband gives me this look like when I know I'm overreacting. Um or if I don't know in the moment, he can give me this look and I'm like, I'm overreacting. Um, because he doesn't do it often. And you know, 99.9% of the time I've gone back and been like, yeah, you're right, I was overreacting. Uh but you know, if you don't have somebody that mirror to hold up to you, to to be like, hey, you're you know, this isn't typically how you would respond to something like this. You know, I think it makes it a little bit harder to have some self-awareness, but certainly if you do, give them some grace. Don't don't bite their head off for showing you a mirror and saying, Hey, you alright? You doing okay? We a little testing room. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You need a break? Yeah, seriously. Sometimes that's all it's needed, is I just need a break. I just I cannot engage in this right now because I'm at my limit. And so a peaceful break is is not I'm not abandoning the situation. It's just I need a break from the situation because my coping at this moment is not going to be optimal. You know? That's what I've just been like, I need a break. I need a break. It's timeout.
SPEAKER_01:I needed a break from all the the mess that comes with construction, and I really lost it one day. And my husband was just like, dude, like you wanted this. And I'm like, I know I did, but like I didn't want to live in it at the same time, you know? It's hard. I was displaced from my office. Like, you're trying to work, you got contractors coming in and out, it's loud, all the things. And I was just, I had had it one day. Um, but you know, yes. Luckily, it's all done. And just another reminder like, just push through. Once you get to the side, I'm like, yeah, no, it's really nice. I'm really glad we did that. It all starts out so hopeful, right? You open up that app, you're you're sucked in, you see something cute, you see something funny, you send it on, and before you know it, you've doom swirled for an hour, you're pissed at the world, you hate everything about, you know, like it turns so quickly, which again, I think is such a great reminder to just be mindful of what you're consuming. Even if it's, you know, with the even if it starts out good and with the best intentions, man, can it take a turn to negative town real quick.
SPEAKER_02:100%. And with our kids, especially if they're young kids, like how our younger kids are, um, they're enjoying what they're doing online. I don't think she's sitting there looking at like what's going on in, you know, I don't know, Ukraine or Russia or you pick. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:No, they're watching like cat videos and stupid shit like that.
SPEAKER_02:But homegirl's gonna be pissed whenever I tell her to get off or like, hey, let's put the phone down for a little bit, you know? And is she having a great time in her head? And I've just come around and been like, I'm taking your candy out of your hand. And so we got to be aware of that too. Like that just and it and they don't have the emotional development or capacity to even understand that. We think that they are mature enough to have these items, right? But they're not mature enough to understand the let go process. How do I know that? Because we're not. Right?
SPEAKER_01:Or even just like it is truly like their brain has just had like dopamine hit after dopamine hit, and then you take that away and you're like, okay, go outside and play. I it's no different. I don't know about you, but like if I've just sat in my car and doom scrolled for an hour and now I gotta go stand and watch a football game or watch, you know, anything, I'm like, well, this is boring. Like, how do I get my phone back? Like, it's the same thing. Like, they're there our brains cannot, or we have uh conditioned it to to expect like a constant hit. Um and the real world just doesn't provide that, you know? It's boring AES to watch nine and ten-year-olds throw a football.
SPEAKER_02:It's very rough. It's very rough. I I'm not thank well, we've talked about this before. I was not a person that could sit around and watch practices. I'm still not I'm still not that parent. I can't watch or practice. So I'm now rock climbing or I'm running or doing something. I can watch a game most of the time. I have to walk around or move around consistently. But it's it's tough. It's and we gotta, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I can watch a game if that's like, you know, like if we got a soccer game in the morning, cool, I can handle that. I'm all in. But it's like when I've gone to gymnastics and then to soccer practice, and now I gotta go watch a football game. It's like blah, like this is torture.
SPEAKER_02:After working or after cleaning houses.
SPEAKER_01:Right, after you've worked all day and like you've been up since 5 a.m. Like all the things. But even still, like it's just it's it's hard because you're not getting. I'm like, I just want to sit here and do what I want to do, even if that's just like read a book. Um, but keep reminding myself they're only little wants. I'm gonna miss these days. I know I am. I think about that every morning when I'm packing lunches, begrudgedly. I'm like, one day I'm gonna miss this that I got nobody to pack a lunch for. And that's just the thing. We gotta keep reminding ourselves like what's really important in life. Yeah, it is not what you see on social media for the most part.
SPEAKER_02:Your algorithm's feeding you guys. Hopefully, it's feeding you this podcast because we're pretty positive and uplifting. So, I mean, if we're gonna take a spin on it, here we are. Keep this one on your algorithm. Uh but trash the other crap.
SPEAKER_01:If you are doom scrolling, check us out on Instagram or Facebook, uh at the Liless Podcast, check out our website. Um, you can chat with us on our website. You can send us uh text messages that come come directly to Sarah. Give us some topic ideas. Guys, we're rolling up on a hundred episodes. Can't believe it. If you've been here from episode one, if you've been here since episode since last if this is your first one, thanks for being here. We appreciate you. Um we want to hear from you, so so let us know. Until next week, y'all. Lilus. We're out.
