The Turbulent Trouble of Overthinking

One shaky flight turned a routine family trip into a minefield of “what ifs.” We dig into how a single turbulent experience can snowball into fear, why reassurance doesn’t always land, and how to shift from endless rumination to real coping. The surprising pivot: it’s rarely the "event" that scares us most—it’s the memory of the feeling we had when we felt helpless.

We walk through practical, repeatable tools you can use the next time anxiety hijacks a moment. You’ll hear how to identify the core emotion using a feelings wheel and creative drawing, then map the thoughts that keep it alive. We explore a counterintuitive favorite—time-boxed worry—so anxious thoughts stop interrupting every hour of the day. We add body-first resets like quick movement breaks and simple yoga inversions that change brain state fast, plus short grounding mantras that keep you afloat during spikes. Along the way, we separate facts from fiction to stop story-building and show how an ABC review (before, during, after) helps kids and adults see their progress in real time.

Parents will appreciate the honest talk about not becoming the solution to someone else’s anxiety and the risks of over-padding stressful situations. By naming the true fear and meeting it directly, we help build confidenc. If you’ve ever spiraled at 2 a.m., second-guessed a conversation, or watched a child brace for the worst, this conversation offers a clear path back to calm, grounded, and capable.

If this resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend who overthinks, and leave a quick review—what tool will you try first?

Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com

Transcript

A Parent At The End Of Her Rope

SPEAKER_01 0:12

Here we are, episode two. I need some help, so today I need you to put on your therapist hat and talk me off the ledge because I'm gonna just lose it on my kid. I'm really struggling with um one of my children has developed this fear of flying. And we are fortunate enough to go on several flights a year to travel. It's a real luxury and something that we kind of have to do to see family because our families are so spread out. And he we had one turbulent in August, very turbulent. I'll give him that. Like it was, it was scary. But one flight he's experienced turbulence on. One out of multiple flights he has been on. And he is now very, very scared to fly. To the I was kind of telling you that it's driving me crazy because out of nowhere, you know, he'll like moan, he'll be like, hmm, and I'm like, what's wrong, bud? He's like, I mean, when do we fly out to Colorado? And I just like at first I was very sympathetic and empathetic. Like, I got it. It was scary. So I found this great video from this pilot that explains turbulence, like in a very kid-friendly way. And why, I mean, honestly, the video helped me, um, and why it's actually not something to be afraid of. We flew for Thanksgiving down to Austin and back, had four beautiful flights. And the fact that he's like continuing to overthink what it's going to be like on these flights, and are we going to experience turbulence or is something bad gonna happen? Like, he's perseverating on it, and it's starting to drive me a little crazy because I feel like at this point he's like choosing to think about it and like letting it ruin the moment. You know, we can be doing something like watching a movie, and he'll and and so I need some help with this because I'm really getting impatient about it. And the holidays are among us. We are flying in a week from today, and I I need some tips, I need some ideas. I'm just tapped out.

Naming The Real Fear Behind Flying

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Well, it's exhausting whenever you're the helper in the situation. And again, you like you said, you've been very empathetic, very supportive, shared how you also felt about the event. And then for this to and you've had now other experiences since then that are learning based for to provide comfort, right?

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Well, like what else do you what else can I do? I think that's where sort of the frustration comes from. I'm like, I I don't know what else to do. I w what are you afraid of exactly? I think, and maybe that's the bigger question.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Yeah, that's even I mean, that's significant in and of itself. If you have someone in your life who is usually okay, and then all of a sudden they have this shift where for whatever reason this one thing isn't, that emotion associated with that event is just amplified to a point that he can't even use his baseline skills in order to, you know, wrap his head around it. So it's bigger than him at this point.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Yeah, I kind of just had a aha. I don't know exactly what you said. The emotion that he has kind of attached to it, like it just kind of aha to me that it's not really like the fear of the turbulence, it's really that fear of like how scared he was in that moment. Because it was one of those, I mean, where we were up to, I mean, it was it was a lot.

Overthinking Vs Manifesting

SPEAKER_00 3:39

Yeah. So when any of us, adults included, get stuck in these overthinking patterns, it's not so much the situation that um we're trying to avoid or figure out. Oftentimes, you know, it's the emotion that is just making that swirl even more aggressive and drowning. And so it's all the emotions that get associated with that event. And that's why we can't think our way out of it. A lot of times we think that if we sit there and focus on it a whole bunch, then we're gonna get out of the loop. But thinking plus thinking doesn't help us, it doesn't equal anything except more thinking. And so it's not working. We're not gonna get there. It's a nice thought. Yeah, yeah. But I mean, again, we find us ourselves getting in that thing, in that trap. Um, sometimes whenever thinking about the past, whenever we kind of want to go back and replay something um to see what we could have, would have, should have done better, sometimes it's um about just a current situation we find ourselves in and aren't really pleased with it, but we don't know what to do in that moment to kind of get out of it. Or most likely it's surrounding some type of future event that um hasn't even really happened yet, but we're going ahead and imagining the outcomes as being like the worst case scenario. And the problem with that is that not only are we thinking the worst case scenario, but the other piece of this is that we don't know how we're going to cope with that worst case scenario. And so then that serves as like a compounding factor on top of it. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

It's interesting because sometimes, you know, we can do that and like think of like worst case scenario, but we can also do that and sort of fantasize, right? And like dream. And so, like in that case, it's very much like, yes, is that still like I wonder if that's overthinking when you are actually like dreaming up something that could happen, right? Like something magical. Um, you're you're you're getting very detailed and very granular, and like, you know, is that the same thing?

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Yeah. I mean, I think that the whenever it becomes like overthinking negatively, it's because of the consumption of time that it takes away from us and the feeling of exhaustion. So if you're, you know, manifesting as well, maybe the term we would use for like thinking positively or overthinking positively about a situation, then you feel energized from it. You feel like you're ready to go on and take out the world, like you have a plan of execution because you know how you're going to cope with whatever's happening. You have step by steps in place. And so that that fear of a feeling isn't there as a part of it. And so, yeah, it all comes back to what, yeah, what behavior are you doing and what emotion is attached or associated with it?

SPEAKER_01 6:34

Yeah. And how do we shift it from overthinking negatively, right, to overthinking or or or manifesting um what we desire, because that's really the goal. And I loved how you said that. Like we do, I was just thinking about when I tend to like fantasize or dream. And it's usually like if I'm walking on a long walk or a run or someplace and kind of like mentally escape. And when you tend to overthink in a negative thing, it's kind of like it happens all the time, right? Like it could be happening when you're supposed to be in a meeting focusing. You're thinking, you're ruminating about how you got too drunk at the staff party. I'm just throwing something out, right? Like 100%. Say something, did I, whatever that is, then you're feeling like anxious and sweaty. And you know, you can't control necessarily when you're thinking these uh thoughts over and over again, versus like if you are manifesting, it does tend to be controlled.

SPEAKER_00 7:28

Yeah. Is that whenever we are kind of manifesting something, it is usually associated with like we're moving. So we're getting our creative body, our creative mind moving and doing something. And if you're running, walking, um I don't know, doing anything, it is hard for you to focus solely on overthinking or on one thing because you got so much other stuff going on, you know? Right. That's requiring your attention.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

Things that you're taking, yeah, taking in at one time. So is that maybe like one of the things that one of the tips that you can do is like get get your body moving? Like if you're ten, if you're ruminating and thinking, like go for a walk, go for a run, get up, get out. I'm I'm making a list here of things that I'm gonna try because like I told you, I'm at the end of my rope. Yeah.

Move The Body To Quiet The Mind

SPEAKER_00 8:15

Yeah. I mean, again, if you're sitting there watching a movie, you might be engaged in the movie and what's going on, but I guarantee you at that moment, that other person is not because their mind is is in an active creating mode without the body also being in a creation mode. And so do like 15 jumping jugs. I mean, we're not saying you have to go for like a three-mile run, but we need something. Yeah, yeah. Make it fun. Like, um, like in yoga, some of the fun things that we teach is that whenever your uh mind is cluttered from overthinking, the best thing that you can do is inversions because you're putting your head upside down. And then whenever you come back up, you can see clearly. And there's actually a lot of like physiological science to that because blood is rushing to your head, oxygen's going to different parts. And so, from an actual medical physiological standpoint, there are changes happening within the brain that then make it easier to, you know, loosen up the grip of those thoughts in that moment. So literally, whenever that happens, yeah, inversions are like, you know, just sticking your head down between your legs, like do a forward fold. You know, it sounds real silly, but kids might like to do things like that. Um, so but I would get him moving, definitely. Um play twister. That would be another good one. Anything that draws him in. But I think if you, you know, use that as like a coping skill, like in those moments where he brings it up. But I think, you know, again, we have to identify the emotion that is associated with the event because that's what he doesn't. That's what we as humans don't know how to cope with. So even as adults, if we're thinking about a future situation, then we're overthinking it because we don't know what we're going to do. And so I would sit there and um, you know, I'm a I like to can't spell, but I like to write. And so whenever I had still can't spell for shit. 43, not there yet. Not on the priority list. I'm fine with it. And everybody else just has to accept that. People can make out what the hell you're trying to say. Right, it's fine. Um, but I would, I'd write on like a big piece of paper, like whatever that feeling is. And I I mean, use it like a Google if you want to, like uh a feeling wheel. Um, those are really great. A wheel of feelings sometimes is what it's called. We need to get out like another set of feelings because that that'll help us to kind of nail it down. Um, for Jack, like let's say, has he ever seen the movie Um A Night at the Museum? Okay. So there's this great scene in it where I think Ben Stiller is being like pinned down um by a whole bunch of little tiny people, right? Do you remember that? No, but go on. Okay. I'm getting I'm getting there. Follow. Trust the process. Um so, anyways, these little tiny people, like the I think they're like little miniatures or whatever, are pinned him down, and that what this represents is the emotion is what Jack is struggling with. So we need to pen down whatever emotion that that is. And so let's say that that is like a fear of death. Yeah, but a fear specifically of what? Like, you know what I mean? Like, let's get that down. Yeah. And then, you know, again, maybe that's in the middle of um the piece of paper, and then out from it you draw other bubbles. So what would that mean? What does that look like? Like, go ahead and just start to nail that down first, and then we can work on kind of generating some greater solutions or coping skills based upon what he comes up with, or even having draw it since he's so artistic. Um, you know, I have a kid that's a yeah, she's a really great drawer. And so if we were doing an exercise like that, I would be like, well, let's draw it out. Like, you know, let's sit here and do it that way. Or, you know, even if you don't, like, um, I will draw it while she's talking. So I'll draw what she's saying on a piece of paper so that way she can then see what it looks like, not only um from somebody else's hand, but what her words kind of turn into action through that process. So totally do some of that.

Tools: Feeling Wheel And Drawing Fears

SPEAKER_01 12:20

I like that idea, especially if you've got a creative person. Um, and some people, you know, drawing is very soothing to them and and you know, a way to like free-flowing, kind of like or someone that likes to write, even I could see that being helpful. Um I just uh what I try to reiterate to him all the time is that worrying about something in the future, um, really have no control over is the only thing it does is rob the joy of the moment that you're living in because you're not able to really experience and be present. And so for me, it's like it's the waste of time and trying to um get that across to him of like worrying about this is doing nothing but wasting your time. And listen, kettle black right here. I have practiced this my whole life of worrying about the future. I mean, if if somebody could write a book on what worrying is like, that would be me. Um, because that's all I've ever known is you know, like a baseline of anxious ridden thoughts. And so, and I I was very similar as a kid, often worried about death, sadly. So, anyway, um all that to say, I know before you have talked about like putting a limit, like saying it's okay to worry about something, but we're only gonna worry about it for this amount of time. Is that right? Like almost time, like you have five minutes to is that just like worry about it internally to like get it all out. We're gonna talk about it for this amount of time and then we're gonna not talk about it anymore. How how can I use that like time element?

SPEAKER_00 13:58

What I would probably do is um I would set an exaggerated time for it. So I'm not talking five minutes. You need to sit here for 20 minutes and maybe pair it with something that you know that he's gonna want to do later, like play a video game. And if he wants to get up because he said he's already done worrying about it, the answer is no. We're gonna sit there and you're gonna worry about it for another for the entire amount of time. And that means you can draw about it, you can record yourself talking about it so that way you can hear your thoughts. We can sit here and talk about it, or you can just sit there because I want you to see how, like, again, long this is taking. And the other thing is that he's probably not thinking about it that long. It's just whenever he does, it's really intense, which is why he has some type of like verbalization that comes along with it. And then he's able to kind of get it out of his system most of the time within like 10 minutes. And so I would like double, maybe like 25 minutes. We're gonna worry, yeah, we're gonna worry about this for 25 minutes straight. And we're not going to be done. And you can't move on to the next thing until we've sat here and worried about this. He's gonna get tired of worrying about it. And if he starts to, then I'd push the button even harder. Like, again, this is kind of like a different technique. This is almost like if somebody has a fear of like spiders, for example, like behaviors used to like flood them, right? And so I had a patient, we had a patient one time in I don't know, residency that was afraid of buttons for some reason. Um, and so whole room full of buttons, and you're just gonna have to, we're gonna desensitize ourselves to this experience. And so that works.

Time-Boxed Worry And Gentle Flooding

SPEAKER_01 15:35

Um that I I think the hardest part for me will be um do that in like a compassionate tone because I know I'll like I almost instantly get annoyed now when it's like, oh, like I know what it is, right? Like now he's he's I'm like Pavlov's dog when I hear that moan, I know that that's what he's thinking about. And so the hardest thing for me is gonna be like reining my face in and my tone in that moment to be like, we're gonna take 20 minutes. You know what we're gonna do, bud? We're gonna sit down and we're gonna for 20 minutes, we're gonna think about this and we're gonna worry about this for 20 full minutes. I'm gonna have to really practice that. Yeah, because otherwise you're gonna be like, you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna sit here for 20 minutes and moan all you want to, you know?

SPEAKER_00 16:27

Yeah. But I I don't even think honestly though, I don't even think that that would be wrong. Because he's still gonna have to do the act. You know what I mean? So again, it's the it's the time spent that he's gonna spend focused on that. Yeah. That and the time is waiting. Yeah. And then again, I sometimes we started tag teaming. Like if I've at my limit, um, which usually happens, you know, like by Thursdays, I'm just at my limit, um, then we start off pretty good and strong, but you know, we all got a place. Um, then it's tag team time. Like I'm not able to do this right now. So you know get the patient. Yeah, yeah. And I think that that's healthy too. And I think that again, allowing other parents or people in your life to also be the comforter keeps you from getting to that exhaustion point because then you're not becoming the solution to their problem. And that is the last thing that any of us want to do is to become the solution to somebody else's problem.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

So yes, you don't want to become the solution. I do, you know, I also want to make the point of like this isn't the first thing that I'm trying to do, right? I've I've tried the compassion, I've tried, you know, like the practical. This is what these, this is what this means when you feel bumps and turns and things in the air. Like, I'm not going straight to the you're gonna sit here and flood yourself uh thoughts of of fear, but you know, to you get to a point where you're like at some point they have to develop coping skills of their own because right, like at some point they're gonna experience turbulence without us, uh, there to hold their hand and comfort them and help them feel better. And and that is maybe one of the hardest parenting is trying to help them build those coping skills without doing it for them. Um I mean, I think that's we all struggle with it. If you're a teacher or educator, you struggle with that even with students who love this idea of like you want to worry about this, have a seat. Worry are tails off. Little heads off. Yeah it's just like the it because it's hard. And I just I think we could all benefit from this because uh adults, I still ruminate about things. Like sometimes I'll have a conversation and then I'll spend 30 minutes being like, did I overshare? Did that come out the right way? Uh you know, did I talk too much? I mean, I I assume a lot of people have these same thoughts, but um, that's still a form of overthinking. And I think at the you got to get to the core of the emotion. I love how you said like what is it that you're really ruminating about? Is you know, am I enough? Right.

Facts Over Fiction And Brain Science

SPEAKER_00 19:15

I mean, those are the core feelings that under well and then with that, I would, you know, uh whenever you know, you what if everybody feels like they're ready, you kind of gotta take it to the next step. And then well, what if everything goes wrong then what? Then what? And let's say he says and then we die, then what? If we're gonna go down a rabbit hole, we're going to the bottom of the hole.

SPEAKER_01 19:40

You know? I don't know if I'm ready to go to the bottom of the hole, Sarah. Like I don't know Thursday afternoon. I'm coasting into Friday, into a holiday week. Like I the rabbit hole is not my my final destination at the moment. I know you're I get what you're saying. Like, keep it ideal. you know, keep it going. We've sort of talked about this and like I tried to present uh you know, you hear people say, like, just give them the facts around the situation. And and I felt like that's what I was doing, you know, by put like this whole I mean it really is a great video. I should find it and link it on the website because if you're somebody that's ever been afraid of turbulence, this breaks it down into a way that even my brain could figure out and like reason with.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

It is. And that might be, I wouldn't throw that out as like a tool again, we want to keep it in the tool shed because that might work for a different situation. But in this, if you find yourself in a situation where the emotion is bigger than what it typically takes somebody to cope, then we need to reframe and kind of go back to the tool shed and see really what we're not dealing with like a nail here. We're dealing with a screw and we need to change that around a tool or something for this.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

So that might be a better tip if you're like someone who ruminates or overthinks about um like worry I'm just gonna this is like the first thing because I used to be this way early in my in my relationship with my husband like worrying that he was going to cheat on me while he was out of town. And like you do start look for like little like you know almost like clues that you're right about this manifest this thing that you have made up in your mind um you know instead of like sticking to the facts. The facts are right he is working and he called you you know like sticking to the facts instead of just making shit up and then looking for things to back up these made up thoughts um that might be a better use of that particular tool. Yeah and don't attach an emotion to them because then it's no longer a fact it's wild how our thoughts can really like evoke these emotions and be totally like made up thoughts, right? Like totally made up how you can like let your thoughts spiral and create a narrative that then physically an impact on us. Yeah.

Mantras, ABC Reviews, And No Padding

SPEAKER_00 22:03

I mean that is anxiety in a lot of ways oh yeah there's um a big whatever it's a neuro kind of psych book um neuroemotional uh kind of like intelligence books and it talks about how the brain is a creator and a predictor and so it is always looking for things to create and predict and whenever we get seated whenever we're laying in bed at night whenever we're not you know active or we haven't gotten that activity out of us throughout the day through something else then our brain our brain's battery still is full and so we have to find some other type of way um to kind of drain it down and most people if yeah most people if they actually like did one of those daily logs or whatever they would find that their peaks of overthinking or worrying or whatever it's not going to happen whenever you're busy. It's only going to happen whenever you're stagnant and it's likely because you have a lot of juice left in your brain that it needs to kind of get out that it did not get out throughout the day or your body does and now it's manifesting in a form of arousal and arousal's quickest way is emotion.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

And so interesting when you think about it. So we've got so far just to recap, um I'm just doing this for myself as well that we're gonna try setting limits setting time limits um to think about whatever it is you're ruminating about um get moving move your body in some way when you start to spiral stick to the fact yep stick to the facts facts quit creating a narrative is there anything else that you can I mean those are three great ideas right off the rip but anything else I mean I think we're whenever we're overthinking like that we're also rehearsing statements in our head and um then they just become like a memory instead of like a fact.

SPEAKER_00 24:03

And so if we start to like say another statement, you know what I mean? Like I can handle this too. If I feel this then I am still okay. You know you need to have some type of like grounding statement you can go to and most of the time the person tries to kind of create that yeah like a mantra so that way if they get kind of stuck in that loop it's not going to necessarily get them out of it but it's going to be um kind of like a little lifesaver that keeps their head above water. They're still in the water but you need to have something after that and then review afterwards if you get off the plane or if you get off or the situation happens that you've been fretting about do an honest analysis of like how you what happened how you were coping before how you were coping during and how you're feeling now and then we can find ways to kind of adjust through that. So it's just kind of doing like an A B C type of analysis before during and after and I mean you could take extra steps if you wanted to to like you know go up to the gate and let the gate attendant know that X, Y, and Z or you know having meet the captain of the plane and stuff like that, those are all nice things to do. I just I don't my personal view and this is again not hell I'd say this clinically and then it's up to you as a parent or as a person or whatever to decide to do it. I don't know that padding the situation is going to be the most helpful when dealing with this. So most of the time it's best if it's just kind of dealt with head on because that's whenever you're really going to relearn the situation because you're not going to have the opportunity for padding everywhere you go. So you know just just take it head on.

Reframing Fear And Real-Life Follow-Through

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Yeah I think I moving forward for me personally in my situation focus on the fear of the emotion like you said almost like let's start to use some different verbiage instead of I'm afraid of flying I'm afraid of dying or whatever it is right so that we can work through the true fear that's at the bottom of this feeling. Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

And ours whenever we're ever thinking we're afraid of something it's not that situation it's the feeling that we've associated with the situation.

SPEAKER_01 26:13

With that yeah yeah so helpful to me personally. Oh yippee how about that I love when we can have these kind of conversations because you know you can have all the training in the world and it's still really hard to apply things to your own life. It's so much easier to apply it to somebody else looking from the outside if they would just do this or you know do the it's I just find it really hard sometimes to help myself yeah we're the worst patients.

SPEAKER_00 26:48

I mean that's what everybody says we're really good at at diagnosing things from an outside and then telling other people how to do it but then working on it and doing it ourselves it's just it's a different ballgame.

Closing Reflections And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Different ballgame that's where the work really starts once you stop rehearsing and making up these narratives just how freeing that is you realize how much wasted time can be spent over chronically overthinking things. Mm-hmm that's that so yeah there we go folks well I got my list I'm gonna give it a go I'll report back to y'all and uh yeah until next week I think that's all we got that's all we got done out of the way