I Quit Social Media And Found My Time Again

Fifty days without social media sounds dramatic until you realize how often your thumb opens an app before your brain even checks in. We talk through what sparked a Lent-inspired break, why the first few days felt brutally hard, and how quickly the habit started to loosen once the “muscle memory scroll” got interrupted. Along the way, we get honest about what we miss too, because feeling connected to friends and community is real, and logging off can feel like stepping out of the group chat of life. 

We dig into the most surprising side effects of a social media detox: the sudden quiet around news, the weird sense of being out of the loop, and the uncomfortable truth that jealousy doesn’t disappear just because Instagram does. Comparison can still hit when you hear about someone else’s fun plans while you’re juggling sick kids, travel, and exhaustion. But we also talk about the wins that show up fast: more presence, more patience, and fewer irritated moments during the evening routine when scrolling used to feel impossible to stop. That shift turns into a bigger conversation about boundaries, dopamine, and what it means to be kinder to the people you live with. 

We also zoom out to parenting and screen time, from kids watching influencers and unboxing videos to how rarely children get to feel boredom or wait for something to arrive. We share what we notice in restaurants, at dinner, and at home when devices take over, plus simple rules that can help, like protecting mornings, meals, and bedtime from apps. If you’ve been thinking about a digital detox, mindful tech use, or just tightening up your phone habits, this one will give you a clear place to start. Subscribe, share with a friend who’s always scrolling, and leave a review, then tell us what you’d try quitting for a week.

Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Fun topic. Meaningful topic today. Really uh had a nice pre-combo about it. I've been curious about it since Jenny started this what I would consider an arduous task. Um and I just think it has so many cool ramifications about it and a lot of opinions. And so I'm I'm eager to for us to to get some thoughts and um to hear about your experience with this. So we're talking about screen time and social media.

The First Days Feel Brutal

SPEAKER_01 0:42

I um it started it kind of as a challenge, like and it just happened to fall like when I wanted to start it. Lent was starting that same week. So I was like, uh, that feels like a good fit. We'll just give social media up for Lent. And I think I counted it's like 47 days between Good Friday and Easter this year. I don't know if that's always true, but um, and so then I was like, well, 47's odd number, you know, I don't like that. And so um I just round going for a nice 50 days off social media, essentially is what it boils down to. So I'm about this is the third week of no social media, which it is way easier now than it was three weeks ago. Um, those first couple of days were so hard because it's ingrained. I have practiced this right over and over again. I've practiced hitting that little app and Xing out of that one and going to the next one, and like, so I mean, that just like muscle memory almost um is a lot of undoing. It it I will say the biggest hurdle for me is feeling very socially disconnected from people. And you do, I guess I didn't realize how much I was, you know, socializing, for lack of a better word, on social media. But even if it's just like a comment or a direct message, you know, not so much alike, like sure I like your stuff, but like, you know, you can have conversations on social media or at least feel like you're a part of a conversation. Sometimes it's a great conversation starter if you're at dismissal, picking up your kids, like, oh, I saw uh, you know, on Instagram you were blah, blah, blah. And so just that like not knowing what everyone's doing, not really, you know, just feeling feeling out of the no.

Disconnected From Friends And News

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Yeah. And you're right, though, it um it became so much a part of who we are and how we communicate and socialize. And that's not what we grew up with. Like we grew up, I think, with like a curiosity into what was happening in other per in another person's life because we weren't able to see it instantly. Or if we didn't hear about it like through the telephone game, you know, with our friends or what happened at school the next day, it was like, I don't I look back on that and I don't think that we were, but it's almost like you're surprised all the time with like what's happened. Right. Everything's kind of oh I wish that was still happening.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Yeah, I I it has a lot of like perks in mind. Like there's some perks and there's some some things like I said, like that genuine feeling of like disconnected to the world, to the news. And some of that's positive, right? Let's let's be honest. Like it's a dumpster fire right now in the news. Um, but even like in thinking about, well, how am I going to get my news if I'm, you know, like again, I think I said this last week too, but I'm like, I need to know when they find Nancy. And it's probably not gonna pop up on my, you know, it's I'm not gonna see it on social media where I would normally see things like that. Yes, I have a pulse. I kind of know what's happening, but it's not like I'm being inundated or feeling like the need to like respond to things like that or post about things like that. Like I'm just sort of like a like blissfully unaware, if I'm being totally honest. You can't feel left out if you don't know what people are doing. So and you know, not that that's a huge issue, but sure, like we all feel that way. What I did say to my girlfriend, we were walking the other day, um, and I said, you know what's interesting is that in the same way that you can get jealous of people on social media, of like their highlight reel or what you think they're doing or how great their life is, like being off of social media doesn't keep you from getting jealous of things. Um and I gave her a very specific example where, you know, I was just listening to a friend talk about all the cool stuff they've been doing and uh, you know, socially and some fun stuff they have coming up. And I I found myself feeling very jealous just because I was like, I mean, I ain't seen nobody in like a month. My kids have been sick, my husband's been out of town, I've been out of town, I've been sick, like I feel, and then I haven't been on social media, and so like that social disconnect, it was just hitting hard that day.

Jealousy Still Finds A Way

SPEAKER_00 4:56

And again, I think that that tool has just become so easy for us to reach at and grab. And the fact that it's yeah, accessible, and I think that that's a big thing that our generation is kind of latched on to. Like you said, you feel connected at different points of time without even having to really connect. And I think that that does something for us whenever we feel like we're so busy that we don't have the time or opportunity to kind of connect, even if we get that like micro hit that comes from seeing that with someone else. It's the the thought of seeing it, the you know, invoking of a different emotion or context that kind of comes along with it, that just adds that, you know, kind of like layer to it. And it does make it hard to break. For me, and we kind of talked about this a little bit, like I don't know where my phone's at half the time. Okay. And thank God I have a watch that I can like play that find my iPhone thing and the thing will start beeping. Cause I just will I will leave it like alone forever. Um, but I do use social media for our podcast, for you know, um a blog, for like a lot of things. But even if I wasn't doing that and I have people that manage that, my kids' school, that's the way they communicate with parents. Like, we don't usually get general emails like sent home to us about like what's happening or what's going on. We'll get specific ones, like if it relates to our kid or like the grade. But most of the time, our school's events and happenings are posted on social media online. But it's just because they figured out that maybe most people don't check their email. And more people probably check social media than their email, I would say.

Productivity And Better Boundaries

SPEAKER_01 6:47

Um, and it this isn't like a knock on social media because I've said all along, like there's definitely positives to it. I keep up with aunts and uncles and cousins that I would probably would only hear from, you know, once or twice a year. This was really just um, I don't know why I decided to do this, if I'm being honest. Maybe I would sense that I was spending too much time on social media and just wanted to see, like I love a challenge. And once I commit, it will say you do notice how much time other people spend on their phone because I mean, I've spent like I like when I tell you, I'm embarrassed to tell to say like how much time I used to spend on social media, just scrolling, looking for recipes, whatever it was. Like I was just mindlessly on that phone looking at it every time I had a down minute, right? Feeling that that dopamine hit every time you open an app. And um, and so like just like by by fault, like you just put your phone down a lot more because you're like, well, there's nothing to look at. I've already tapped out, I've already looked at all the other apps I can look at today. You know, I've meditated, I've done checked out where I'm at in my cycle, played my Monopoly Go, like check my email. Here we go. Now set her down. Um, and so might pick it up to check the weather. But other than that, like, and turning into a six-year-old man, um, that's really like it. That's really all I use my phone for and to text randomly. So yeah, you do start to notice how much time other people are spending on their phone, particularly like if your spouse is on the phone. I haven't called him out completely on it yet, but like I'm like, dude, you're always on your phone. If you're not at work, you're on your phone. And I can't say shit because, you know, 21 days, that was me. 21 days ago, I was the person constantly on their phone. So I'm not gonna call other people out. But it is a nice realization of like, A, how much time our kids are watching us on our phones. And, you know, my son is incredibly observant and he's like, Mom, you're doing a really good job with your no social media challenge. And I was like, Thanks, bud. And I've just noticed him, like, you know, because they can only have their tablets on the weekend, they do tend to want to spend a lot of time on it. But I've noticed him sort of self-regulating a little bit more and just being like, I'm gonna go outside and play for a little bit, and then he's gone for like five hours, you know. So um, it is having like some other, you know, effects, but so many positives. I've been like so much more productive and present. And when I journal about it, like I'm like, why would I why would I ever go back? But I do want to go back, right? I do want to be social again and I do enjoy aspects of it, but I definitely will put better boundaries on it from now on. I'm gonna ask, what's your plan? There will probably be some rules of like no social media in the morning. It'll be like an evening thing. Um, or what I've also found, I'm just telling on myself left and right, is I would be quite irritable, irritable in the evenings when it's time to start like the bedtime routine, like brush your teeth, read book. Like I we typically read with the kids or lay with them. And um I would be like irritable when it was like time. I'd be like, ugh, because I didn't want my dopamine to stop, right? I wanted to keep scrolling, and like that's not the case now. Like I am beating them up to the bedrooms to read and stuff like that. And so just you know, being mindful of like how it's impacting our behavior towards the people we love the most. That's that's the ultimate goal, is just to be nicer to the people I live with.

SPEAKER_00 10:19

Yeah. No, I I can definitely see the benefits in that. And again, the modeling of those types of behaviors, the interactions do become richer because they're not as pulled in other directions or one of that.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

Like richer interactions, more meaningful conversations, really listening when the kids are talking versus like having my nose in the phone listen, you know what I mean? Like that multitasking.

Phones At Dinner And Being Present

SPEAKER_00 10:46

Right, right. Well, and I mean, I find myself like we have I I use my phone um for social media and I most of the time have the mindset that I'm using it for work. So I consider these things that I do work and I schedule them as part of my day, you know, and and utilize it in that kind of realm. Sometimes messages or other things will kind of come up, but I try just to use it at that point at time. But the evening times, I really most of the time, again, I've misplaced it by the time the evening has come around. I have no idea where it's at. But then I'd if we go out to eat, and I'm not throwing shade or judgment, but it's really hard for me to almost sometimes be at a um out to eat at a restaurant and just see a family with all of their like devices in their hand.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

That's always hard for me too.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

That's just that doesn't sit.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

Or like a couple, you'll see like a couple sitting at a table having a meal and they're both looking at their phones. I will say that's never been a real issue for us. Like just dinner in general, we always put phones down, TV off. Like, that's always been a rule, unsaid rule in our family. Um, but yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. And it's like, why would you spend all this money and like effort to go out to a restaurant to like stare at your phone? No judgment. That's what I'm saying. Like, I'm a mom and I complain all the time that like my kids are growing quickly and I want to be present. Like, why would I waste my evenings staring at my phone if I'm so worried about it? So again, no judgment, just more of like like do something about it. Like notice notice the habit and then do something about it.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

I I notice with me, and again, I spend probably 90% of the time with my dogs, right? And I love, I mean, these guys are my buddies, they're my babies. I love them. I talk to them more than anybody else. I mean, any other thing, probably on a daily basis. But I'll notice that sometimes I'm sitting there watching like dog videos on my phone and I'm like, why in the absolute hell am I getting stuck watching this like little puppy and getting teared up? Meanwhile, I've got these two oh all the all the time. Yeah, at my feet, yeah, literally right beside me. Um, and it's like this is I'm this dog's gonna be gone one day, and I'm gonna be absolutely devastated and wish for those moments where I was looking at some I don't know, monkey in Japan, you know, punch, which I don't know if you know about punch. I'll fill you out on punch later, but wait, is that the monkey that carries a monkey?

SPEAKER_01 13:21

I feel like I saw this on a news website.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

Yes, this is a sweet little monkey that carries the monkey. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

Don't rec I don't know his whole story.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

Okay, well, right. He'll be fine. No, he'll be fine by the time you're able to come out of your rock because you know, time heals all wounds, right? The monkey's adjusting, they're all accepting, stories out. But why am I paying attention to that instead of you know petting this dog or you know what I mean, doing something with it? And so we all find ourselves in those traps, and especially it hits me whenever I'm like, I'm not gonna have this forever and wasting.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

That's how I feel about like the kids. They're not always gonna be this little, they're not always gonna want my attention. And why am I wasting it on like something that's really not necessary? That's not to say there's not a time and place for it, just like I clearly needed some better boundaries and just to clean up like that area of my life. Um, and you touched on it so so wonderfully, and it really all it's about being present in the moment, like being where you are and focused on the people that are around you versus the people in your phone. I'm not gonna lie, like I definitely miss it, a thousand percent miss it. Um but there is so much positivity that comes out of it, even if it's just proving to yourself that you can do hard things. Like, yes, there are way harder things. People are dealing with way more difficult things. But like if you're in a place where you might need to sort of push yourself and get a little uncomfortable, like it's a great way to sort of like toe in and just prove to yourself that you can do something hard.

Kids Influencers And The Loss Of Boredom

SPEAKER_00 14:59

Right. No, I like that a whole bunch because you're right. It's just it does come down to we do need to challenge ourselves. And what we determine is a challenge is up to us. And sure, there are greater things out there, yes, but that's that's not how we cope and that's not how we deal with things. We have to experience sometime that level of discomfort in whatever it is in order to grow, in order to have different realizations.

SPEAKER_01 15:23

The more I talk, I'm like, why would you ever go back? But there is a real benefit to feeling connected to people. I do, I do miss that. And I miss just interacting with people.

SPEAKER_00 15:34

I think about I think about our kids. Like Rachel really likes watching certain influencers on YouTube. And I'm really curious as to what are we, what are you getting out of this? And I don't know if they're able to like fully articulate that. So I think it's gonna have to be a pretty creative, you know, kind of based conversation. But I'm like, what is it about these people that has you interested and engaged in that realm? You know, you know, I lived and died by when 90210 would come on every week, and then whenever it went on break, you know what I mean? I feel like I was in withdrawal. Um, but uh, I just wonder like what that is for them, like because they don't have that experience of something like ending. They don't have that experience of having to really wait for something and they don't have the experience really of being bored. Yeah. And I think that that's something that kind of is missing out of childhood. I can't tell you how many times. And for us, especially, we get bored in a second. Like, if our attention isn't on to something, then it's like, oh my God, what am I gonna do?

Small Challenges And A Social Check In

SPEAKER_01 16:35

Yeah, she's not alone. I mean, a lot of kids do that, you know, they like watch kids unbox toys. I'm like, what's fun about that? But at the same time, like I watch influencers. And also, how are you making millions of dollars? Well, because kids are watching it. But like you think about influencers, most of the time it's like, oh, here's a gadget that's gonna help you solve this problem in your life. And so, yeah, I want to watch it that way. I know if I want to buy it or whatever, you know, whatever they're selling. I can see, I can definitely see the draw when you're old enough to like make a decision of like, oh, am I gonna buy that or not? But for kids, I don't know. Maybe it's just fun to watch other kids open stuff. I'm not really sure. All in all, I think it's always healthy to like take a break, take breather. This first one I've ever done. How long's social media been around? Like 25 years at this point. So I was overdue for a break. I think the next thing I will try to abstain from will be Monopoly Go, because it's the dumbest game ever. I get so mad at it. And I don't spend money on games, but like I just play them until I run out of dice or whatever I have. And that that might actually be harder to get up than social media. Um, because that game has me in a freaking chokehold.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

And here we are, and here we are. So check out our social media though. Like, remember, we're the good one. Check us out, the Lila's podcast. We are on TikTok, we're on YouTube, um, Instagram, and Facebook.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Yeah. Check us out. If you're doing something similar, we would love to hear um some of your takeaways from it. We'd love to hear any feedback that you have if you are also, or if you're giving up something else for Lent. How's that going? I would love to hear. Yeah. I think that's all we got this week, y'all. Have a few days. Until next time, Lilas.