From Hollywood PR To A Wine Lover’s Guide To Raising Decent Kids with Author Danielle Frank

A toxic job can teach you more in three months than a “dream role” can teach you in six years. Danielle Frank knows that firsthand. She started as a Miramax Films PR insider traveling the world for premieres and festivals, then moved to Los Angeles and walked straight into an agency culture that made her body scream “nope.” That moment becomes the spark for a bigger conversation about listening to yourself even when your career looks successful from the outside, and how “embracing the pivot” can lead you to the work you were meant to do.

Danielle takes us from Bacardi to Moët Hennessy and into the heart of wine storytelling: the romance, the memories, and the history that shows up in every glass. We also geek out on what makes wine feel intimidating and how she tries to make wine knowledge simple and accessible, including a great detour into the legacy behind Veuve Clicquot and why story is sometimes the best pairing.

Then we get into her book, A Wine Lover’s Guide to Parenting, a humor-forward read that uses wine terms to deliver real lessons about raising decent humans. We talk manners, consistency, tough love, and the hard truth that sometimes your kid might be the one causing harm outside the home. We also explore what it means to be a nurturing adult even if you are not a parent, plus the idea of productive struggle and why letting kids fall safely can build confidence over time.

If you like honest parenting talk with a sharp sense of humor and you want a fresh take on wine culture and connection, hit play, share this with a fellow parent or wine lover, and subscribe so you do not miss what we do next. After you listen, will you leave a review and tell us the best “pause and breathe” moment you’ve had as a parent?

Please be sure to checkout our website for previous episodes, our psych-approved resource page, and connect with us on social media! All this and more at www.thelylaspodcast.com

Transcript

Friday Fun And Guest Welcome

SPEAKER_01 0:12

TGIF, it's Friday for us. I know this is not going to come out on a Friday, but this is going to be a little bit of a fun Friday. We typically cover some heavy topics on this podcast, but today is all about the fun. And we are so excited to welcome a guest to the podcast. She's formerly a PR representative for Miramax Films. She went from red carpets to uh red wine. And so now she is in the uh spirits and wine industry and is an author of her new book called U A Wine Lover's Guide to Parenting. And so please welcome Danielle Frank to the Lila podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:51

Welcome, Danielle. Thank you both for thank you. Thank you both for having me. Excuse a raspy voice. I think it's allergies or

Red Carpets And Career Restlessness

SPEAKER_02 0:58

maybe a little cold, but it, you know, gives me that sexy Miley Cyrus voice. Absolutely. Love when my voice is a little raspy.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

For sure, for sure. So yeah, thank you so much for coming and being on here. Super excited to dive into this, especially whenever, you know, you actually were like a full-on Hollywood insider. So can you give us some details about this whole world and then how you made this amazing transformation into where you're at now? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:29

I mean, I feel like my whole story has been rooted in transformation. Um, you know, the kind that doesn't necessarily happen overnight and just a series of unexpected pivots, plot twists. Um, but that's what's made the story of my life so um, yeah, as you as you mentioned, I worked at Miramax Films in my 20s, living in New York where I'm from. And it was great traveling the world, going to the Cannes Film Festival, Venice Film Festival, um, you know, press tours all over the globe, um, promoting films with the talent. And um, yeah, I was just, you know, I'm always somebody, I've always been somebody that's like itching for something more. And, you know, I thought I'd stay in entertainment forever. Um, I didn't plan on leaving that. Um, but I did want to move to LA. I moved to LA, but there were no studio jobs at the time. Um, but one of the PR firms that Rep Talent, they were hiring and they were interested in having me join. And, you know, there was part of me that was like, I just I don't want to be a personal publicist. No disrespect to the people that do that. Um, I

The Toxic PR Wake Up Call

SPEAKER_02 2:34

it's just not my what I imagined myself doing. A friend worked in personal PR. She said, No, you love it. And and I was just like, oh, it gets me to LA and I'll have a job. So I joined a PR firm. And the first day I got there, um I noticed like three other of the publicists in the office were crying, like in their office. It was a very toxic environment, this agency I was at. And I just remember that feeling like, what did I get myself into? You know, all my time at Mirimax, six years, sure, there are days that I woke up like, oh, I'm you know, maybe hung over, tired, I didn't feel like going to work. There was never a day where I had that like pit in my stomach, that angst, you know? Yeah. And in the three months I was at this PR firm, there were multiple mornings. I just I had that awful pit in my stomach. And I just that was like the first sort of eye-opening experience for me where I saw like, you know, this isn't serving me. And yeah, I just thought, okay, I'll just find something else. Um, you know, I was looking around in entertainment,

From Bacardi To Moët Hennessy

SPEAKER_02 3:43

and my sister was working for an agency that worked for Bacardi in New York, and it's a job that she absolutely loved. And she's like, oh, they're hiring in LA. And next thing you know, I uh got hired within Bacardi. I was there for 10 years, and then now at Moet Hennessy, going on 12 years, because I soon realized um, you know, and I what I always like talking about is embracing the pivot, right? When you're in it, when you're on that bridge, cross over it intentionally and embrace it because it might show you that um this new path is the journey you were meant to be on all along. And that's what I learned. You know, the wine and spirits industry is a really amazing industry. I'm very fortunate that I've gotten to work for fantastic companies representing fantastic brands. That was my first major pivot, but it also showed me um with future pivots, you know, how it gave me the armory, it gives me the armory to know how to navigate that and know that it's gonna be okay. You picked you picked yourself up.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

I love how you were being successful in what you were doing, right? I mean, you were successful, you had a good job, you were in a city that you you were enjoying, and you still really listened to yourself and said, something else is out there for me. This this is this ain't it, as I often say. This ain't it. Um, and that, you know, it's a little bit easier, I would think, to walk away if you're not finding that success in your career and maybe you've stalled out and you can't, you know, climb the ladder anymore or whatever you're trying to do. But if you are being successful, to then really listen to yourself and say, yes, I'm being successful, and it seems to check the boxes, but it's not,

The Book That Would Not Let Go

SPEAKER_01 5:23

you know, I think that is where we talk a lot about how how it takes so much courage to really say, I'm gonna do this because it doesn't feel right and and listen to what my my body and my mind are telling me.

SPEAKER_02 5:35

It's just like, you know, when we talk about my book, it's like I wrote this book 14 years ago. And that's always been something that if I said to myself, if I don't do anything with this because I've always gotten good feedback, it's gonna plague me on my deathbed. And that's why last year I was like, that's it. I'm I'm I'm doing it. Um, I, you know, I learned about the hybrid publishing route, which seemed more interesting to me than self-publishing, because self-publishing seemed daunting. So yeah, it was just something like I just I live by that credo of, you know, you have to try and do everything that you want to do in this life.

SPEAKER_00 6:11

I love it. That gives me chills hearing you say that. I feel the same.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

I know. And I love that you just you were like, I'm gonna figure out a way to do this, you know, because you didn't, I'm guessing like there wasn't any sort of um agent involved in in publishing your book, or maybe there was. Um, but you were like, I'm gonna figure out a different a way to get this done.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Yeah, I wish I had an agent. That that was why I shelved this 14 years ago, um, is when the book Go the F to Sleep came out and it sort of opened the door for this new genre of adult children's books. And so I was sending this out, you know, but agents don't want you unless you've been published. Yeah. Publishers don't want you unless you have an agent. Now there's this hybrid publishing model. So it's it's like self-publishing, but I have um a former publisher like guiding the process. You know, I'm paying for everything. I don't have, you know, publicity, but I'm doing it all. Um, but yeah, it was, I was like, great, you know, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna, I'm gonna check this off my life's bucket list and get this book out there, whether anybody likes it or not.

SPEAKER_01 7:12

Yeah, good for you. That's amazing.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

That's that's awesome. Well, and the genre is so fun too. Yeah. Because it's about that adult humor that we need to have applied to this thing of raising kids. And to be able to actually talk about it like in a very real and funny, and then in a way that not only is relatable to the reader, like whenever I I shared with you guys, um, the podcast knows, um, we have an 11-year-old who uh at times can be an expert at back talk. Like she's really good at it. Um, and so whenever I read the chapter on this book, I was like, oh my gosh. And then I told my husband about it.

Building A Parenting Book With Wine

SPEAKER_00 7:52

I was like, look, now we have an excuse that we can go and have an open up a nice bottle of wine whenever this happens. And so I'm I'm excited for you to share that with us as you um talk about the book and your inspiration for it, really. Like, where did it come from?

SPEAKER_02 8:06

So it it's it's a lot of pieces of the puzzle that came together for me. Um, you know, I always loved writing. I always just have like a creative outlet. I'm also somebody that's like, you know, just wants to make the world a better lace. And, you know, when I hear about, especially watching my niece and nephew when they were younger, you know, how mean kids can be. So one of the first projects I started working on was an actual children's book series. And it was like each book teaches kids about a different culture because I I firmly believe that, you know, I'm no parenting, like, you know, I didn't like clinical parenting expert. Um, I'm actually not even a parent, and we'll talk about that. But like, um I I I firmly believe that it happens at a young age. Kids are impressionable and they need to know early and at a young age, you know, that just because somebody looks different or talks a different language or eats different foods or any of that, we're all the same. We all sleep under the same star of skies. And, you know, and and we can't believe, like I firmly believe that happens at a you know, a young age, that impression needs to be. So I started working on an actual children's book, trying to teach kids, and it all rhymes because I love rhyming for some reason. And um, and so I I had been working on that, and simultaneously I was engaged to be married. My fiance has two kids from a previous marriage. Um, and he he would go back and forth about whether he wanted kids. And when we got engaged, she's like, All right, we could do it, we can have we can have a kid. Um now there were other things in the relationship that were wrong, you know, it's not just about the kid thing. But once we got engaged, it was like quickly thereafter, I just sort of opened my eyes and was like, this guy actually doesn't want to have a kid, and I don't want to have a kid with somebody that's just like doing it, you know, that doesn't want to that isn't dying to have a kid with me. Right. So I broke it off, you know, mid-30s, and you know, sort of that realization that like motherhood and that path might not happen for me. But at the same token, I realized, you know, that doesn't mean the end of nurturing goes away. Um, I'm very involved with my niece and nephews' lives, and I'm very involved in my friends' kids' lives. I'm auntie and yelled at many, many friends' kids. I love it. I, you know, take them to escape rooms, jack them up on sugar, and then send them home for bedtime. Yeah. Um but um all those things sort of came together. And when I realized like I might not be a mom, I also uh realized that I may not be raising shoulder to my own, but I still felt a pull to help um shape how the kind of humans people are raising. And, you know, and and like I said with with Adam Mansbach's book, the um go the F to Sleep, it really opened the door for this genre. So I thought, oh, maybe instead of reaching the kids at a young age, wouldn't it be fun to, you know, have something like talk to the parents right when they become a new parent about, you know, the importance of instilling manners and you know, not bullying and all that. Um, and again, you know, as somebody who's not a clinical professional, I wanted it to be light and fun. It's a humor book, it's meant to be. I'm not preaching. Um, but all these things came together. And I was watching my niece and nephew one day, and they were young at the time. And although good kids, of course, every kid has the propensity to wine at some capacity. Sure. And they were whining about something, and I said, uh-uh. Aunt Danielle drinks wine, she doesn't listen to wine. So there it all started to come together, you know, all the all the piece of the puzzle. And then the last element was um, because I work in the wine industry, you know, a lot of people find learning about wine, or like, you know, when I go out to dinner with my friends, they pass me the wine list. Like, no, just because I work in the wine industry, it doesn't have to be jarring. It doesn't have to be daunting. Wine is um, it's all subjective. What I like may be different than what you like. And um, so I love the idea of making wine knowledge um easy and accessible for people to learn about. So that's where it all put together. This book that, you know, is 11 chapters of raising your kid related to raising your kids well, parallel to wine terminology. Every time I use a wine term, it gives the definition. And at the back of the book, it gives a basic understanding of how wine is made. So it's really meant to be light and humorous and laugh, but you know, they are poignant lessons on, you know, and I say you don't need to be a parent to know basic human behavior and decency. And I don't need, you know, they're all just lessons on, you know, raising just a good human being.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

A hundred percent. And you, I love that you mentioned that just because you don't have biological or adopted or or stepkids, that you are still very nurturing. Some of the most nurturing women I know don't have children, some dear friends of mine, but they are nurturing. And as a parent, and I was a former school psychologist for two decades, working in public schools here in South Carolina, and just growing up and dealing with trauma, we know how important it is for kids to have other adults besides their parents that they can trust. And so we need people, you know, parents. We need people like Danielle. We need, like my friend Brit, she's a perfect example. These nurturing, really trustworthy adults that our kids can grow up around and learn great lessons from because that we're all kind of shaping behavior, but I a hundred percent agree that it truly starts at home and what we teach our kids from a very young age.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

I've seen parents trade war stories like battle-hardened soldiers, right? And sometimes when you're in the trenches, it's not as easy to see what's right in front of you. It's not as easy to see the humor in it, it's not as easy to see that that grape juice you're drinking could one day turn into a fine cabernet.

SPEAKER_03 13:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

Um, so it gives me a little fresh perspective. But, you know, like I say, I, you know, I'm I I'm all these kids, my friends' kids, my niece and nephew, when uh with my ex's kids when I was a bonus mom, I still felt heavily and I still feel heavily invested in their lives. So it comes from a place of of love and empathy.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Absolutely. And that definitely comes through, even in your writings about it, because um it's fun, it's engaging, but it's not judgmental and it's not condemning of anybody's behavior. It's just so descriptive. And that's why when I was talking to my husband about it, I was able to be more jovial and happy about, you know, the back talk kind of experience instead of just feeling like, oh, you know, all over again with it. And I think that that element does make it much, much, much lighter. And it shows how temporary these kind of rough moments can kind of be, and that our approach to it is what helps to foster that fine wine later um in life, just by, you know, taking the moments to appreciate the grape as it's growing, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Exactly. That's a great um analogy. And that's what I say. It's like, it's like also, you know, when you're when you're tasting the wine for the first time, there's not wine in here, it's tea, obviously, from my voice. But, you know, it's all about the

Consistency, Manners, And Owning Authority

SPEAKER_02 15:14

pause, right? You just pause, take a breath, breathe it in, right? Sometimes we just need to pause because it's temporary and um you'll get out of the teenage ear soon enough and or the terrible two soon enough. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

One thing when I was reading your book, it made me think about just some examples. And I uh first off, I always say, like, no one's a perfect parent. You know, I have tons of training and behavior, but I mess up all the time. And um, but one thing, it's easy to observe it and when it's somebody else, right? And somebody else's kid. And one thing I see a lot in public is you'll see parents sort of reprimanding a kid like very loudly, almost like they need all the adults in the vicinity to know that they don't condone the behavior their child is exhibiting in that moment. But then in the same five-minute span, you'll watch them sort of inadvertently reinforce that exact behavior that they've just announced is not acceptable, right? And so I think so much of what we do as parents is like we we need the world to know that we're good parents, right? That we're we're trying our best. But what oftentimes ends up happening is we say no, no, no, for the first, you know, 10 minutes, and then we get tired of saying no, and then the yes comes out, and we've just reinforced that behavior that if I hold out long enough, mom's gonna say yes or dad's gonna say yes. And so I love you have a chapter or a lesson in the book about, you know, like they get they need to know who's boss. Like you lay it down, you lay the hammer down, and I'm a you know, I'm a tough parent. My kids will tell you that I'm a tough, a tough mom on them. Um, because I like that's it. I'm five foot two, they're gonna tower me in no time. And so I need them to know I might be five two, but damn it, I'm the boss of this house. And uh, and what mom says goes, right?

SPEAKER_03 17:04

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

And and to your point, I mean, nobody's a perfect parent, nobody's a perfect human, right? We all we all err. Um, but you know, the thing with parenting is like you know you have to be the boss. Sometimes you just need to like re-hear and reinforce it. Uh, there's a chapter in there about is is your kid a mold wine? Mold wines are are heated. There's you know, they're they you add spice to it, so it's spiced and sometimes served as a punch. So this is about is your kid heated, spiced, are they packing a punch? Are they a bully, you know, outside of the home? And I've had a lot of parents tell me that that really resonated with them. You know, one mom told me that she had gotten um a notice about like their kid bullying, and at first she ignored it. And then when she was reading that chapter, she's like, you know what? Like, you don't want to believe it's your kid. You don't want to believe it's your kid, but unfortunately, it's somebody's kids sometimes. So sometimes you need a gentle reminder like to really look who your kid is outside the home and nip it in the butt now.

SPEAKER_01 18:03

Right. And you make that point. Like it's our responsibility as parents to know how our kids are behaving outside of our immediate environment or when they're not within eyesight. And so I think that, you know, very valid point. It's it's hard to recognize when your kid might be the one um at fault or or whatever, because you realize then, okay, what did I do? Right. I am I'm always looking at my behavior. How did my behavior then impact their behavior? Um, because I I firmly believe kids are learning from watching us. And and like I said, I fuck it up all the time.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

But it's not just you though, you know, it's it's the environment, it's TV, you know, it's some of it's unavoidable, you know, so you can't blame yourself entirely.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

I also love you say, I read in your book, this is how I knew you were a New Yorker because I've never heard anybody else use a kid this term to describe kids besides my in-laws who are also New Yorkers, but you call them fresh. Like when my daughter is being a little sassy, my my mother-in-law will say, Oh, you're fresh today. Is that a New York thing? Is it? I just I felt I was like, she's got to be a New York.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

My, my, my, my they I used to get that when I was younger, like, don't be fresh, and like the threat of the bar of soap in your mouth. Um, but I didn't know that that was like an East Coast or New York thing.

SPEAKER_00 19:16

I love that. That is so fun. Yeah, that's a nice way of saying sassy or smart ass or you know, a few of the other things.

SPEAKER_01 19:23

Fresh.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

No, now it has different meaning, right? You look fresh. Yeah, right. Right. She'll take that as a compliment next time. Like, oh good. Yeah. So I have some questions about like the wine portion of this again, because I think it's so beautiful how you intertwine it within the book. And again, I like, I love our children and I like being a parent, but I really like I really love wine. It's not terrible. You have to have your enjoyment. Right. Um, so with this, what do you what have you learned from being in the wine industry that you think just connects people? Because I find that whenever you're out and about with

Wine Stories That Connect People

SPEAKER_00 20:01

people, that it just there is something about that glass of wine and conversation that just bridges so many gaps. And what have you seen really helps to bridge cultures and understanding just from that kind of a perspective?

SPEAKER_02 20:14

I mean, I love, you know, the what I love about the industry and and the brands as well, it's like it's storytelling and it's romanticism, right? Like you're remembering where you had your first sip of Damperignon, or, you know, you're drinking this wine and it evokes a memory of sharing this bottle with your grandparents who may or may not be around anymore. Or you are on a trip and you enjoy, like, it's it's all about the romanticism and you know, what it evokes, you know, what it reminds you of. And then the storytelling, you know, everything is about storytelling. But when you have brands and I'm shepherding brands that have such history, I love telling the story of Madame Cliche. I mean, talk about a badass woman. She was essentially like the first female entrepreneur. And, you know, when you hear all of the history that went into the creation of Vov Cliquot Yellow Label, every time I sip a glass of Vove Cliquot, I'm thinking about Madame Cliche and what she did to put that in my glass. And yeah, it's all about storytelling. And hopefully you're, you know, if you're enjoying good brands, you're enjoying the the taste. I know like I'm a big huge foodie. So I love what it does for like, you know, um thinking about the pairing and how it enhances my meal as well.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Well, I just learned something too. I had no idea that uh Boop had that kind of a background and history to it. So I am definitely going to be mindful of that my next step for sure.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

I don't know if you're a reader, but there's um a great book by Talar Mazzeo. I think it's just called The Widow Clico. They made a movie based on it. The movie was terrible. The book, I could not put it down. It's fantastic. Her story is amazing. And Every time I get to go to Champagne, I always ask, not everybody gets to do this, but I ask, you know, the Maison. I'm like, can we go to the archives? That's my favorite. They have a room, a separate building where they have all the archives, everything that Madame Cliquot, like her ledgers. And, you know, back then the way they did business was like writing letters. And every time you wrote a correspondence, you had to write a second, uh, a second one. So you had a copy for your books. And you did this with every letter. And so we have copies of everything. Like it's wild. The history in there is just, yeah, it's mind-blowing. I could geek out on that.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

I mean, I just want to thank you for telling me how to pronounce Clico, because boy, have I been butchering Matt for 20 plus years.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

Well, everybody says voove, which I did on my interview. Said I said Moe Shandon, it's Moet. There was actually a Saturday live skit about that. It's Moet, but I said VUV, Clico, which everybody says. Um, but it's love, and you remember this because it rhymes with love.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

I love that. You have so much knowledge. Just I love that you really married these two um very kind of like separate topics and married them into one book because you do have all this wine knowledge. And like Sarah, I learned a lot. Very excited. I'm going to Sonoma in June. And just reading it, I'm like, I'm gonna know so much more now just from the wine terminology. And so just that sharing like your knowledge and and drawing from your personal experiences, I think is what makes this book so relatable and fun and interesting. I just I loved it. I loved uh lesson seven, the tough love lesson. I loved, um, I think you said something like, um, like, don't let your kids run amok or they become a little fuck or something. Like, there's so much truth in what you say, but it's also funny and uh and relatable, right?

SPEAKER_02 23:57

Like, well, well, thank you. That that was my goal, right? I like, like I said, you know, I wanted to see to the table how kids were raised well. I like making people laugh. I wanted to be an approachable way, and I want to make wine knowledge fun and and easy. It all married together in this book, and that's what I said. I mean, this book is great for parents, it's great for baby shower. Parent with the onesie, you're done with that. 1000%. It will be my new baby gift for people. Perfect. But

Fermentation, Feelings, And Raising Humans

SPEAKER_02 24:25

I say it's even great for like just if you're a wine lover and you wanna you just want to laugh and learn about wine, you don't even need to be a parent. It's just a funny, you know, humor book. So um I'm I'm glad you both enjoyed it so much. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

What's your favorite chapter in it? Like you said, you wanted to read an excerpt from it. So where's this coming from?

SPEAKER_02 24:44

Okay, well, I I don't have a favorite chapter because that would be like choosing a favorite child. Right. That is I'll read if I can read um lesson three. You don't want your kids to ferment. So the fermentation process in winemaking is when you convert sugar into alcohol. So when we think of sugar as something sweet, alcohol can be harsh and biting. You don't want them to turn from someone that's sweet into someone harsh and biting. It all's about teaching them manners. Okay. Manners, manners, manners are the key to it all. These lessons need to start even when they're small. Teach them this from day one before they start to crawl. You don't want your kid to be the sour grape in the bunch and turn into a spoiled brat that kids want to punch. When they start talking, make sure they know thank you and please. And to always say bless you when they hear someone sneeze. Please and thank you are an absolute must. Without that, your child's a total bust. There's nothing worse than a child who's behavior that is crude. Because it'll continue as they're older and become someone who's rude. People don't take kindly to and aren't nice to those with attitude because it's very off-putting and puts others in a bad mood. Oftentimes causing confrontation and leads to a nasty feud. Wanting to put a little bit of poison in your child's food. Is that really how you want your kids to be viewed? Wouldn't you prefer that there's someone who's wooed? Without manners, they'll ferment and turn into someone harsh and biting. They may turn into a kid who's rude, obnoxious, and always fighting. So teach your kids some manners and to have some heart and soul. Without that, your kid may well turn into an a-hole. It's facts. So true. It's facts.

SPEAKER_00 26:15

Well, and I think I don't know where our our idea that we have we can't um, I guess be more I don't know that forceful is the right word, but more direct and um I don't even know that hard's the right word, but those are the words that are coming to my mind whenever it comes to raising kids and steering them in those directions. It's like we're afraid that we're gonna hurt their feelings if we're giving them, you know, a critique about their behavior when really that is not the case. It does come down to nipping that kind of in the butt and making sure that they have that understanding of what manners, being polite, respectful, empathetic, honest, like these major core values are as a kid, instead of just trying to sugarcoat and be like, oh, let's not do that. It's not nice.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

Danielle, I wonder, do you find yourself sometimes like um correcting's not the right word, but kind of like if you, you know, if Auntie Danielle Danielle is seeing her niece or nephew misbehave, like do you sometimes like say, hey, like, hey, we don't talk, we don't talk to adults that way, or you don't talk to your mom that way. Do you find yourself sort of reprimanding in in some s situations? You know, it's it's really hard.

SPEAKER_02 27:25

I don't do that with my friends' kids. Yeah. It's hard because when you are the aunt and it is my sister, you know, I am vested. I'm vested in my niece's, you know, absolutely. I have her best interests at heart and I want to see her grow up, and she's a fantastic human being.

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Yeah, I'm I'm kind of the opposite. I have to like stop myself from correcting other people's kids because I worked in a school for two decades or worked in multiple schools for two decades. So I'm used to sort of um, you know, acknowledging good and bad behavior in children. And so, you know, a lot of times I still can't help myself. It flies out of my mouth. That's not safe. Like if I see a kid doing something that's not safe, that's not safe. We don't, you know, what's the number one rule? Safety first. Um, and so I really have to, now that I don't work in a school every single day, um, I, you know, I still am at, you know, pickup, picking my kids up or drop off, or just in the neighborhood. I or kids are in my house all the time. I have to be like very like, well, you know, you don't have to comment on every behavior, but I'm also, I do feel a little bit responsible if they're in my care, if they're at my house, like if they're doing something that I wouldn't let my own kids do. Or if you just see them doing something where they could hurt themselves. Like I, I, I, as an adult, maybe again, maybe it's the educator in me, but I feel the need to say, hey, like, that's not safe. I don't want you to knock two front teeth out. Like, let's not skateboard down the front step.

SPEAKER_02 28:48

I'm that way with people with like dogs. I was like driving yesterday. This woman was like dragging her dog, and I felt the need to be like, I I I rolled, like rolled down the window, and I was like, Stop dragging that dog. I mean, she looked like she was really a mean dog owner, so it really broke my heart. But yeah, in the same way with people with dogs.

SPEAKER_01 29:04

So one thing I do, if I hear a parent, you know, sometimes we've all been in that situation where you hear a parent just reaming a kid out in public and or just talking maybe really negatively about the child with an earshot. And what I like to do is like flip the script, and then I'll just start like praising the hell out of my own kit. Like I just want to show them a different option, right? That we don't always have to just hammer every single little thing kids do because they're humans and they're gonna make lots of mistakes. And it's okay to ignore some of that in some instances, particularly in a public setting, and to acknowledge the things they're doing right and then have a private conversation afterwards of like you did these things right, but we gotta work on how you respond to mom when she says it's time to go, you know, or whatever the case may be.

SPEAKER_03 29:56

I don't know how you do that with a dog hunter.

SPEAKER_01 29:58

Maybe you just walk past her with like treats and like you know, petting your dog, telling him what a great dog it is. Like maybe she'll pick up one though.

SPEAKER_02 30:07

Didn't know how many times I just wanted to stoop up their dog and take him. Take them with you. I don't feel that way about children all the time.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

I would also say, too, um, I heard you say this, like, I don't know that you I don't know that you have to have the same experience as someone else to have understanding of it. And so, you know, I don't think that being a parent grants me any expertise on a parent or being able to be one. And I remember um just to kind of use the analogy, I worked with trauma a whole bunch. I've never been in any, thank goodness, traumatic kind of based situation. And so people can say, well, how do you know what you're doing if it hasn't happened to you? It's that's not the kind of education that's needed in order to be able to convey heart, to convey meaning or understanding with somebody about whether it be trauma, parenting advice, um, anything. It's a human experience that we're all sharing and talking about, and being able to have a gift where you're able to do it clearly with humor, again, relatability, and really normalizing just some of the day-to-day headaches that come with the process. I think that your book does an absolutely amazing job of capturing all of those qualities in it and then just sharing it in a fun, again, easy, relatable, quick. It's a great, quick read. You know, by the time you read that book, I promise if your kid is acted out, you will feel great afterwards. 100%.

SPEAKER_02 31:44

Well, thank you for that. And yeah, I always say, you know, you don't need to be a grape to know how to make wine, right? Or you know, you don't need to be a parent, but you know, I may not be a parent, but I was a kid. I was a kid, and I know I know how um I reacted to things, I know how I liked to be communicated to, I know the lessons that I heeded out, you know. So yeah, you know, it's um, you know, there's there's a lot you learn also from your experience as a kid. I mean, when I was a bonus mom with my ex's kids, um, I grew up with, you know, a stepmother. And um, and when I was gonna step into that role, I remember there was a time when his oldest son, you know, it's it's hard being the kid that shuffles between house, um, you know, from one house to the other. And I remember he was at our place one one school night, it was a Monday, and he left his homework at his mom's, and his dad was like, you know, unacceptable, too bad. And I was like, I can run him there in the morning and then take him to school. Not a big deal. And the dad was just like, nope, he needs to learn a lesson. And, you know, again, I don't need to be a parent to know like what it feels like to be that kid. I was that kid, and it's really hard. You know, it's hard to be the kid in the middle. Um, you know, and sometimes you just need a little bit of empathy from that situation. So yeah, I mean, you know, we heed our lessons from our own experience, from our environments, from, you know, witnessing and being engaged, involved.

SPEAKER_01 33:09

You also just acknowledge that like kids

Letting Kids Struggle Without Fear

SPEAKER_01 33:12

need to experience the struggle and and you know, productive struggle, whatever you want to call it, but um, not like putting them in a bubble and protecting them from everything in life. And I'll be honest with you, that's something that I really struggle with, right? Because I didn't have, you know, I didn't have like this terrible childhood. I had a pretty good childhood, but there was some trauma in there. There was, you know, divorced parents, child, sexual child abuse for many years. So I mean, I definitely experienced some less than um stellar things in childhood. However, you know, it did make me who I am today. But you don't want that for your kids, right? Like I don't want my kids to go through any kind of trauma to get on the other side of it. But also, how do you let them fall and get and learn to get back up on their own? Having had two kids, with one, I was just, you know, new mom and always like, don't do that, you'll get hurt. Yeah, I was like, the, you know, put him in bubble wrap and don't let him get hurt. You know, he's this precious little thing that I just birthed. Um, you know, I see that now, a decade later later, kind of like that impact that my behavior had on him, because you know, a lot of times, yeah, you know, he's afraid to do stuff because he doesn't want to get hurt. And um, you know, I know I know in my soul that that's directly from all that don't do the, don't do it, don't touch that, don't do that, you know. That was all of that. Whereas by the time the second one came around, and I don't know if I was just like like passed out, I'm not really sure what I was doing um for the first three years of her life, but um, you know, I wasn't quite as um, you know, on everything. Obviously, you just can't be when you have two of them. And um, she is way more carefree and willing to take risks and not afraid of things. And I mean, that's a direct result, in my opinion, of parenting, parenting styles and the way that I handled that. And um, you know, if if this if there's a new mom out there listening to this and you are, you know, tend to run on the anxious side, like take note of, you know, it's okay if they fall and skin their knee. I mean, as much as we hate to see our kids get hurt, it's okay, and maybe might actually be better for them.

SPEAKER_02 35:28

But you know, you hear that a lot from parents with two kids, like the first one, of course, a new parent. And by the second one, they're like, so the pacifier fell on the floor for a second. Right, whatever. Right.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

You you learn that they're just gonna be fine. And then they say the third one comes along and you you don't even know where that kid is half the time.

Where To Buy And Follow Danielle

SPEAKER_01 35:46

Like uh they they just run away and you're like, well, they'll come back when they get hungry, you know. Or they'll eat dinner off the car floor. It's fine. 100% feral. 100% feral. Uh, I love it. Danielle, uh, you are such a fun guest. This book is not to be missed. It is a great gift for any new parent. A wine lover's guide to parenting by Danielle Frank. Make sure you pick up your copy. I know you can find it on Amazon. You can get it on your Kindle, you can get it next day if you have Amazon Prime. Um, but where else can people find you, Danielle?

SPEAKER_02 36:19

Well, thank you guys for having me on your fabulous podcast. This has been so fun. Uh, as you said, the book is on Amazon. It's also at BarnesandNoble.com. You can find me at a website, Danielle Frankauthor.com or Instagram at create a great story.

SPEAKER_01 36:36

Oh, I love that. Create a great story. Are you working on another great story?

SPEAKER_02 36:41

I I am working on a whiskey lover's guide to dog breeds. Oh, I'm not sure. It'll be a little different for me. Yeah. I love it. So, you know, but this one I'm hoping a publisher out there hears this and uh wants to publish that because it's a lot of work to self-publish. Um, anybody interested out there, it's available to be published.

SPEAKER_01 37:01

I love that. I could see that in like the gift shops of the distilleries. All right. Well, I think that's all we've got for this week, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 37:09

Until next time, be sure to tune in.

SPEAKER_01 37:11

We're out of the way.