Get REAL for Good
How well do you know YOU? Our intention for the Get Real For Good podcast is to share tools and techniques that help you develop a deeper sense of self-awareness. Knowing yourself better helps you to build richer, kinder, more compassionate relationships with yourself and those around you.
Your co-host, Christina Beauchemin, is an entrepreneur who is certified in
neurolinguistics programming (NLP). She is also a Reiki Master, certified sound
practitioner, vocal coach, and the author of Let My Legacy Be Love, A Shortcut to Self-Loving. Using her background in overcoming adverse childhood experiences (ACEs),she has created multiple online and in-person trainings for personal and professionaltransformation focusing on better communication with self and others.
Gianna Robustiano channels her experiences with childhood abuse into a determined journey of healing and service. She is a program manager for the Office of Children and Family Services, where she monitors child abuse prevention programs across New York State. She is also a performing singer/songwriter and vocal coach to young people.
If this sounds intriguing, we suggest you start with Episode # 73 It's Just That Simple! , which is one of our favorites.
We’re excited to have you with us!
Get REAL for Good
Where Did This Feeling Come From?!
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In this episode, we explore emotional residue those lingering feelings that show up without warning and how to tell if they’re even yours! Tune in.
Check out our website: https://christinabeauchemin.com/podcast
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Welcome back to the Get Real Podcast. I'm Christina Boschman. And I'm Gianna Robastiano. And today we're going to be talking about emotional residue.
SPEAKER_00:This should be another interesting topic because I think it's something that we all feel on different levels, but we don't recognize it as a thing.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I feel like this isn't really talked about as much or thought about really.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And honestly, I heard the term in another podcast that I was listening to, and I thought, huh, that's a very interesting idea because my mind went immediately to a story, but we'll get to that later. So emotional residue is lingering feelings and traces of past emotional experiences that stay with you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, or that stay with you in a place or an object, which is very interesting. And I also have something to say about that. Yeah, so that'll be fun.
SPEAKER_00:But you know what? Just for interest's sake, we're gonna save that for later. Yes. So um let's start with the feelings that stay with you. And um think of a time, right? Because emotional residue can manifest in different ways that influence your thoughts, your behaviors, and the way that you interact with other people.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, because think of a situation that maybe didn't end up that well, and you're thinking back to that situation, and then your body's feeling it over again. Right. You walk away.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, one of the things that I that I thought of right away was thinking about a time when somebody betrayed you. Yeah. And suddenly you have a lack of trust in other people.
SPEAKER_01:That's such a a big thing. Right. Exactly. People don't recognize that. If you had a relationship where you had that betrayal and then you go in and you start worrying, oh my gosh, is this person cheating on me? And you're accused of them.
SPEAKER_00:How come he said he was gonna be home an hour ago and I haven't heard from him? Where is he? Exactly. I wonder if he's doing the same thing. It's a protection mechanism in a way, you know, because it's like I'm trying to protect myself from the feelings that I had before by cutting it off right now. I'm not gonna let this happen to me again.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, which isn't fair to that person that you're with. Exactly. But you don't realize it in the moment. And I've had this experience really early on in a relationship, but then I recognize that I'm like, okay, it's not fair to this person. And I would go back to what what are the facts? What do I know? How do I feel about this? Because in my other relationship, I always felt just sick all the time and worried and all of that stuff. So is this coming from a past situation where I had all those things come up, or is it coming from just something I'm actually feeling? And it wasn't something I was actually feeling, it was a past thing lingering still.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And even um, when I was looking this up, I found this story, and I thought, you know, this is very true. It was a a story of this woman who had gone to lunch with her grandmother and her mom. And like the grandmother was 94, I think she said, and um, the mom came in and started being negative to the grandmother and telling her she should turn up her hearing aid. And you already said that already. Why are you repeating yourself? Maybe you have dementia, you know, blah, blah, blah. And the the young woman that was watching all this said she watched her grandmother's shoulder slump and then she watched her energy change, and then she needed a ride home because she didn't feel strong enough to walk back to her apartment, but she was totally fine when she had gotten there to lunch. Wow. And I thought that's just how heavy it can be. Like we can take things on that are going on in the moment, and they are totally affecting us. And think about a time that's happened to you. I used to have a friend that would come to my house and she would always come in and she say, I need Chrissy time. And by the time she left, I was completely exhausted.
SPEAKER_01:That that's so interesting, though. Yeah, yeah, that that does happen. You know they what do they call those? Like psychic vampires. Yes, something vampire, energy vampire vampires. Or something like that. But there's always somebody in your life that's kind of like that. They're all up in their emotions, and then you leave and you're exhausted. Yeah, you're exhausted.
SPEAKER_00:You're more for me, it's exhausting. And it is so, and I when I when I read that, I thought to myself, yeah, I could tell a bunch of times when that happened in my life. And then when I finally learned how to just kind of shut it down when things like that would happen, I was like, wait a second, what's going on here? This is not about me, right? This is about this person having a bad day.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Or this person being angry at somebody else, but she can't take it out on that person, so she's taking it out on me. I am not gonna let that touch me.
SPEAKER_01:And that is so great to have that awareness because sometimes if you go about your day and you might encounter somebody who's not the best spirits, and then you find yourself later on feeling kind of similarly, and you can't figure out what it is, and you don't have that awareness, you're like, oh my God, and then it slinks into the next day. And I just think you know, wake up with a hangover, quote unquote, hangover the next day. Yeah, that's an emotional hangover. Emotional hangover from somebody else. But it is important to protect yourself because I was thinking that was something that happened a whole lot to me until I had that awareness. But when you do have that awareness, it's great to look at yourself. Am I feeling this in my body or is this coming from somewhere else? Like most recently, I was at my gig and I felt like sadness, like pure sadness out of nowhere. I was having like a great day, and my brother walked in, and it's I know this sounds like really weird, but I was like, Are you sad? Like, he's like, No, I'm not. I'm like, I feel something, and it's not my mom, it's not my stepdad, it's not me because I was having a great day, and I can just feel your energy right now. And he was, he wasn't having a great day, anyways. And I was like, that is so interesting. But if I wasn't aware of that, I probably would have gone on the rest of the night not feeling great, trying to figure out why I'm sad. And it does sound weird saying that I could like pick up on someone's energy, but we're all doing it all the time. It's just not being aware of it. Right.
SPEAKER_00:Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. Yeah, and I think that this is one of the reasons that we decided to have this podcast out for Christmas week. Yeah. Because we're going into situations with families or in-law families or whatever, and to just be aware that this is very prevalent in those in those situations.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. And during the holidays, it brings up so many different emotions. And at least for me too, I mean, this is a good reminder as well, because sometimes you get so wrapped up. Like recently I've been a lot of I've been guilty of falling into the trap of the holidays and in my emotions, and things are coming up and as they do during the holidays. And it's great to have that awareness to not take certain things on, especially in family settings, because you know, sometimes family members just trigger the heck out of you. Exactly. You know, they bring up a lot of history. There's a lot of history there. They're bringing up stuff you don't want to talk about. And it's good to, you know, have just have the awareness to not fall into the trap of that or other people's stuff. You know, you get together with your cousin and then she starts talking about all of this heavy, heavy stuff, and you want to be there, which you are, but you also need to put your protection bubble up or whatever it is that you do. Exactly. And know that it's not yours to take on and bring into your and the other thing is too to accept that these things are gonna happen. Yeah, accept that it'll happen and throughout your whole entire life and not to take on all of that other stuff. Because when you take on, say, for instance, that gig example, say I took on that sadness energy, and then I went home, and then I brought it to my boyfriend, and then he didn't have the awareness, and then he took that on. And then it's just like this chain of chain of people feeling sad for no reason or something, not that dramatic of how that happens, but sometimes stuff does happen. Like I even in my own relationship, I think, of a time where I came home like something ticked me off, and then I was in a space, and Cordell, my boyfriend, was happy and jazzed as could be, and then I bring whatever this issue is, and then his energy goes, his shoulders shrug. Right. And then you see that energy shift, and you're like, oh God, I just poisoned. Right now I feel really I emotionally left some residue there, and I need to, you know, work on that too. But I just think of different situations and we're all doing it all the time, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Well, yeah, because I have the same thing with Rick. Rick is a very happy person. And for some reason, in the evenings, I think it has to do with a glass of wine that he has. He gets even happier, and I just need to start winding down. I'm awake super early in the morning and I need to start winding down by like 8:15, 8:30. When he's getting, woo-hoo, let's go, ha ha, right? And I have to really just protect myself from that energy so that I don't get aggravated.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And a lot of days I'll just walk over him and I'll put my nose on his and I'll say, I'm winding down, okay? And he goes, Oh, okay, got it. I'll keep my dishes. Yeah. So the way to, as we've said already, awareness and acceptance are super important when it comes to understanding how this thing is affecting me. Number one, to be aware that it is affecting you. And number two, just accept it so you're not aggravated about it. And then the next step is like processing the feeling through self-reflection. Yeah, that's a huge one. Is this me or is this them? Is this my energy or is that their energy? And why is this bugging me? Like it took me a while to figure out why um I would get bugged by Rick at night. Because the thing that I like about him is he's always happy. He's a very joyful person. So why am I feeling all aggravated?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, because that self-reflection is really key. Because then you're asking those questions and you can really dig into that feeling. Because if you don't make about you have that awareness and acceptance, but then you're not really taking a look and going underneath that, then you just leave it out there. I'm like, okay, well, I feel sad. On to the next right.
SPEAKER_00:Exactly. So that is huge. Yeah. Yeah. So the next step is cultivating emotional resilience. And if you stop and think about this, er a lot of it depends on where you come from. Like, I think I grew up a little bit more resilient because number one, I grew up with eight brothers and two sisters. So we were just getting beat on with fists and words all the time between siblings to just be that place to not get upset about it. It's like, whatever, just let it go. It's not all that important. Plus, growing up on a farm where we had to work all the time, and with an unpredictable dad, like never knew when my dad was gonna what he would call blow his stack. You know, he'd be all sweet one minute and then raving lunatic the next, like what just happened, to stay in that place of self-reflection. And and that's really what builds that resilience. It's like, oh, okay, it's not that it's not affecting me because it is. I don't like the way it feels when these things happen, but it's like becoming the observer of your life, and we've talked about that a lot too. And I think that that helps build the emotional resilience.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and then you're bouncing back into your life and you're not staying in that emotion. Exactly. And the next one is mindfulness, which is another key thing. Staying in the moment is so huge because nothing right now in this moment is like happening.
SPEAKER_00:Right, because it's gone. It's there.
SPEAKER_01:Oops, it's gone. It's gone, and you're not getting stuck in it. I've talked about the story where I realized that I was in the present moment and not the past. And staying in that space is so freeing because you're not trapped to these past things coming up or situations or conversation that you had with somebody, but you're really pulling yourself into the moment where nothing is happening right here and right now. And meditation helps tremendously with that and allowing thoughts to come through and releasing them and letting go. And my favorite thing when I'm in a spin of some sort, or this happened recently. Old stuff came up, sometimes it does during the holidays, and I was grabbing my ice pack in the fridge, and it brought me right back into the moment because I started thinking about all of these past things. And sometimes like this stuff comes up. And recently I was confused because I haven't thought about these things in so long, but I didn't beat myself up. I was aware that it was happening, I accepted it, and I wasn't staying in the emotion. I got up and I grabbed an ice pack and I'm like, you know what? That's fine. I'm having a day. And I've nothing like a bag of ice or an ice cube or anything to really pull you back in the moment because it's cold.
SPEAKER_00:If you think about that, that's awareness and acceptance both at the same time.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it is. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So that's very cool. It is very, yeah, it is very cool. I like that.
SPEAKER_01:That hack, that's like my go-to. So definitely use that. I love that one.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So the next one is, you know, seek some support. If you have a trusted friend or family member or a counselor that you can talk about this to, to just say, hey, you know, this is how I'm feeling. I heard this podcast on emotional residue.
SPEAKER_01:This is what I feel.
SPEAKER_00:Here is what I'm feeling right now. I think I've got residue all over me, but I'm not quite sure. I can't quite remember the techniques. So what do I do? Yeah, just to have somebody to to chat with about it.
SPEAKER_01:It's so helpful to have a supportive friend, family member, counselor in your life that you can turn to. I was just doing this recently. I'll tell Cordell, I was like, can I just let this out? I just want to release this. It's I'm thinking about it. And I just want someone to listen right now and hear me out.
SPEAKER_00:Because a lot of times men want to fix everything. Yeah. Right. And so it's like important to say, I just want to talk.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And otherwise you'll have more emotional residue.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:It's so true. I learned that probably maybe it was like a year in our relationship. And I was like, you know, when I bring this stuff up, I'm not looking for a solution. I just want someone to listen and hear me out. And if I need to go on an emotional rant of some sort, don't take it seriously. It's just there's something that's just coming out that I need just someone to talk to right now. No, I don't need anyone to fix any of this. I will figure it out myself. Just, and that's what it is most of the time. Yeah. But I think it's really important to say that when you're going into something. And sometimes maybe you are looking for some feedback on stuff. And that's what I'll say. Like, could really use your feedback is I'm seeing something in this way. I could use your perspective. Right. To ground me back into the moment.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So that's incredibly helpful too through the process. So we hope you found that interesting. Yeah. So now we're going to get into the juicy stuff. Yes. Before we run out of time. Because we don't want to miss that. Yeah. So have you ever walked into some place and got a feeling right away as soon as you walked in? Like I was I was telling Janna this story of I was looking for a house. It was back in the mid-2000s, I think. And I walked into the house and I was so excited to see the place because I had seen all the pictures and I love marshes. And there was a marsh right on the property with big cattails and everything. And I pulled up to the house and oh my gosh, this place is so pretty. And I walked in the door, and as I stepped into the kitchen, I looked at the real estate agent and said, Oh, something really bad happened here. And she just looked at me and she goes, I trust those feelings. We can leave. Right. And and I was thinking, well, I really want to see the place. So I zipped around and I went into the one room and I couldn't even walk in there. There was just such a weird vibe in that room. And so when I got home, I looked up the address, and it turned out this the guy, the owner, the guy had beaten his wife so badly that she almost died. And they split up, and that's why the house was on the market. Wow. And so there's research that the neurology in our body can actually pick up those vibes of fear, anger, and happiness too. Sometimes you walk into a place and you say, I never want to leave here. Yeah, definitely.
SPEAKER_01:That that me and Joanne Fabrics. Well, Joanne Fabrics doesn't exist anymore, but Michael's. I'm like, I never want to leave this crap store. It's so happy and fun.
SPEAKER_00:A lot of people there having a really good time. Having a good time.
SPEAKER_01:Good vibes. Right. But I love that there's that science piece around it. Because people sometimes are like, oh, that's a woo-woo. But I'm like, have you ever gone into a place or met a person and you got the worst vibes? Your body's picking up on that. I know I've told the story when Cordell and I went out. On vacation and we went into this concert venue space and Cordell's like not he's not really into like digging into the vibes and all of that kind of stuff. Oh, maybe he is a little bit, but for me, I'm always like, What's the vibe? What like something's weird here? So we walked into this place and instant dreadful feelings and darkness, like just terrible vibes. And I looked at him and he looked terrified. I was like, Do you feel that? And he's like, you know, he's a happy person. He's like, This is bad. We need to go. We nothing was happening. I remember when that happened. Yeah. Yeah, it was really, really weird. I was like, this is giving like Epstein vibes, like not good. And I looked later on because I was researching the place, and in a Yelp review, it was like a high sex trafficking place. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, I knew something weird was going on. Even like the bodyguards and the people that are not the bodyguards, what are they called? The security, all of that. It was just so bad. I got the worst unsettling vibes ever. And he felt it too. So that was like validation. I was not just making something up in my head, but I felt it in my body. We both felt like we need to leave right now. So that is really, really interesting how that stuff happens. It's kind of creepy, honestly.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And honestly, I looked up, you know, some ways to clear those vibes. If you go in someplace and you have to stay there, say like a hotel room. Right? Yep. And because Jana had that experience recently in a hotel room.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So I had gone and done a little research, and we both love Sage. Yes. And and you know that it does help with anxiety and um, which is what's left in the room, like the anxiety and those feelings of fear. It helps to take those vibes and balance them out. So it's not woo-woo. It's it's a fact. The same thing with Paolo Santo.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. That was just huge. And it is, and there's research on all of this stuff because some people be like, oh, that's witchy or that's woo-woo. I think a huge thing, like Cordell, he's not into any of this kind of stuff, really. And I when we first met, I was like, I'm going to sage your apartment. And he thought it was like the craziest thing ever. This woman is not. Yeah, she's like, What? What do you mean? And I don't know how I got onto that topic, but I'm like, I'm just gonna sage everything. And he came home later that night and he wasn't joking. It felt lighter, it felt better in there. And then now he loves, he loves Palo Santo, but now I find him Palo Santoing the house, and we get an argument or something, or clearing everything out, or things just feel stale. I'm like, that's so interesting because this person didn't know he was probably one of those people like that's witchy or hippie stuff, as he would say. But he also have had that experience and realized that this stuff actually works. It does. And it's great. It's just like having a dirty house and then cleaning it.
SPEAKER_00:Well, that was one of the other things, too, right? Cleaning the house or really cleaning the space. Yeah, because it feels different.
SPEAKER_01:It does. It really does. I mean, think how do you feel when your house is just a mess and that's just a reflection of what's going on inside. Right. But when you start clearing it all out, then your head feels clear, you feel better, you feel lighter. It's the energy shift in the room, and it's it's amazing.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I did that this summer here. I couldn't figure out because I absolutely love where we live. It's just so pretty here. And I started feeling like I wanted to get out of here. And then I started feeling like then I look out the window and I'm about I love these trees and I love these woods, I gotta make this work. So I did a major detox. I cleaned everything. I even went under the beds, I went through all the bookshelves, got rid of stuff that I wouldn't use, like I already read it and it wasn't that great, or whatever, like little piles of this, because the Grick is a great one for leaving little piles of stuff around. Went through and cleared out everything. And somebody came to my house one day and they're like, Wow, it feels so good in here. What did you do? Right? And all I did was clear stuff out. And like I don't have a ton of stuff around anyway, but I went into all the corners and I went through stuff. Do I need this anymore? It feels like it's weighing me down. And so that's another thing that can really help to uh fix a vibe. You know, sometimes people come and they'll leave a vibe when they leave. And those things can help that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, they can help. And this is a little different, but I was I've been thinking about this. There's clothing. This is different, but I've recently I've been getting rid of a lot of clothing, and there's this one bodysuit that I have in my wardrobe, and I'm like, I gotta get rid of it. It it was popping up into my head because that's one of the things I want to get rid of. I have the worst memories wearing that, and anytime I put Oh wow, yeah, anytime I put that bodysuit on, I had a bad memory happen. I was like, I really need to throw that out because I've never touched it since then, and why is it existing in it? But anytime I look at it, it brings back like the worst memories. Yeah, time to burn it off. It's like time to throw it out. I'm like, I can't even donate this to somebody. I don't want to leave that emotional residue on that. Exactly. But it's one of those things, and I'm like, it's interesting. Clothing can do that too, or different objects you have in your home. And I gotta get rid of this. It's it's tying too much emotion to it.
SPEAKER_00:I had uh this woman that I met probably two years ago now, and she turned out to be a complete I would have to say loon and maybe even evil. Like I can't I she was not a good person. But anyway, when I first met her, she had come here and she gave me this gift. And at the time I really liked it. But when all this stuff went down with her and I started to see who she was, one day I went in and I literally took it because it was a little wooden item, and I took it and I put it in the burn pile and we burned it up. Burn that up? Yeah, it was like I because you don't want that energy, that emotional residue in your space.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, because you start to think about those things. It's like kind of having like pictures on your phone. Like, why do I have these pictures of someone that I was with before? And it's bringing back the worst memories. Right. Exactly. Get rid of it, throw it out, you don't need it. So that this is all good stuff to practice in your life and use these tools when these things come up.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and this is because there's not a lot of people that talk about this that I've come across. Yeah. We just thought it would be a cool topic to do for the Christmas season and into the new year. So we hope that you found it helpful. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you so much for listening.
SPEAKER_01:We hope you enjoyed this episode. If you're ready to get real, follow us on social media.
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