And What Else?
Welcome to 'And What Else?', your source for thoughtful and meaningful conversations about personal and professional growth. Host Wendy O'Beirne is an internationally recognised coach and consultant with a passion for exploring the layers of topics surrounding self-development. Together, we'll dig beneath the surface of subjects, stories, and possible solutions to uncover new perspectives we may not have seen before. With curiosity and open minds, let's embark on an adventure of self-discovery and uncover the possibilities of 'and what else'. Stay Curious!
And What Else?
Beyond Logic Embracing the Emotional Self
Ever felt like you're hitting a brick wall when trying to use logic to solve emotional problems? You're not alone. Many of us have been conditioned to lean on logic, yet emotions don’t abide by the same rules. We explore how childhood stories of self-worth create emotional blocks that logic alone can't dismantle. By learning to embrace and process emotions, we can transform these blocks into breakthroughs, moving toward true self-acceptance and shedding the illusion of being broken.
Facing resistance and fear when striving for important goals is a common struggle. But instead of pushing harder, Wendy suggests a different approach: pause and observe the emotions that surface. Shifting focus from productivity to curiosity about our desires allows for personal growth. This episode invites you to sit with your feelings without judgment and see what unfolds. As always, Wendy encourages listeners to engage with these insights, sharing them with others who might benefit from a deeper understanding of themselves. Reach out to Wendy via email or Instagram for further conversation and support.
If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave me a review and subscribe! And if you want to learn more from me, come and say hello on Instagram @thecompletioncoach or via email at wendy@thecompletioncoach.co.uk or find out more about working with me on my website, thecompletioncoach.co.uk.
Welcome to, and what Else, the podcast with me, wendy O'Byrne, also known as the Completion Coach, and this topic today is about why thinking and logic won't move you on, when thinking and logic and doing won't overcome the hurdles that you're actually experiencing. This is the logical mind hitting a wall in what we can and cannot do, and I'm going to talk about it because the majority of people that I work with have trained themselves to be in the mind, highly logical. Plan it, do it, get it done, find the solution, push through, push harder, work harder, do more, get, get through it. And so I'm going to talk about the fact when you can't think your way out of a problem or a block where no strategy, no book, no podcast will overcome this work for you. It's frustrating, it can be really confusing and a little bit disorientating for people who have programmed themselves to be thinkers. So I'm going to talk about those people now because I think it's better to put this bit up front. But if you are somebody that wants to apply logical thinking to an emotional block, I just need to enforce here you cannot make emotions a logical problem. These blocks were often formed long before you even had the tool of logic.
Speaker 1:So at a really early age, before we have developed logic, yeah, think about kids. They're not logical. They're not logical. Thinking about moments where you have experienced something really confusing or really emotional around you adults experiencing something around you and in that moment, because of emotions, you have felt unworthy, unloved, rejected. You thought it was your fault. You thought you started it. You've created it. It's because of you, which is the logic of children when they don't have true logic and instead they will create this emotional data which gets logged inside of them and an entire story is created around it. An entire internal story is created around these emotional wounds at a young age that we, at a young age, have put logical thinking onto, when, in reality, we haven't developed logic, there aren't five or six year olds sitting around going. I think this is because of something that's going on in their world. I think this is a result of that much bigger picture over there. I think that's why this is happening when we're young, we go. I think this is because of me. I think this means this about me, and the story is created Now.
Speaker 1:The thing is that feeling that a child has tried to make sense of, with this very limited understanding of all of the other things that are going on in the world or in that other person's life is so flawed because it's based on this really young child perspective. So the experience is locked internally as being about you, about your worth, your lovability, your ability to be accepted or safe. All of it is warped into the idea it's me, I'm the problem. So from that point, you begin building stories and strategies and behaviors to avoid ever feeling that feeling again. Fast forward to now.
Speaker 1:Now, and that emotional data, that emotional logic, if you like, is still running, even though you've grown up, you've developed this powerful mind. There's problem solving analytical behavior, but in reality, your true blocks aren't about the fact that you need to work harder or that you need to think clearer. You are going to have to do the one thing that you have built so many strategies around not doing, and that is you're going to have to feel your feelings. When we can face our emotions rather than try to think around them. When we can face our emotions rather than working so hard to avoid them. When we can do that and work on those emotions, release the old backlog and then understand how feeling our feelings is no longer the big, dangerous thing we once believed it to be. A the idea of fixing yourself goes out the window because you can see that you're not broken. But b all of the things that you are struggling with at the moment will change, because you will realize that half of the struggle was by trying to avoid feeling your feelings.
Speaker 1:Most people aren't really struggling with working harder or the five steps to and I'm bringing this in because one of the most powerful parts of the retreat and I spoke about this a couple of podcasts back, this a couple of podcasts back was witnessing people's shock at other people saying their truth, being vulnerable, opening themselves up to their fears, what they're really thinking, what's really driving their behavior and what's really stopping them, and everybody else being like no, no, no, no, no, absolutely not. You're this, you're that. You're wonderful. Let's help you, let's get this done. Please go and do that thing. You'd be amazing, I can see you doing it.
Speaker 1:And when it comes to then, it's like oh, but I'm different. This, actually, this is true, this is true. When it's about me, it's different. And the difference is, when it's somebody else, you don't have the emotional block. When it's you, you have the emotional block. So there's nobody out there not doing something they really want to do, because they can't logically see that it's silly. Logically, see that it's silly. Sit with that, first of all, because they'll go. I know I could do it. I know I don't really believe that about myself. I know I don't really think that, however emotionally, their bodies, their subconscious, their unconscious does believe it.
Speaker 1:And you can't outthink an emotion. The blocks most people are facing are not intellectual, they are emotional. It's not that you need to go and learn more. It's about feeling, something you've been avoiding. And don't get me wrong, there are times for logic to be applied, especially in business. However, when it's emotionally charged, when you have emotional blockers, when any part of it wants to take you to a feeling you don't want to feel, you will not be able to outthink it, you will not be able to work harder to get through it and you will get caught up in a cycle of trying to work around it.
Speaker 1:Now, emotions are unreliable and, let's face it, they are logged as unproductive. Thinking is a productive thing to do right. Logic is productive. Feelings are often seen as unproductive. They are seen as pushbacks. They are seen as pushbacks. They are seen as problematic, especially for people that base their entire self-worth on predictability, control and results.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the idea of sitting with feelings or exploring emotional discomfort can feel like a complete waste of time. Not doing that, wendy. There's also a fear of vulnerability. Logical minds like things that they can measure, and when you start to open up emotionally it's unknown. There are no metrics. Again, it's unpredictable, and so that, for a lot of people, is quite scary. When you think about people that have been rewarded for staying focused, for sticking to the facts, for finding solutions, they've built entire careers, relationships, friendships on their ability to problem solve, to get things fixed, to get things done, to get through things, but not being emotional.
Speaker 1:So shifting from that proven approach to something as intangible as feelings can feel both counterintuitive and risky. But the thing is, when we avoid emotional work, it doesn't go away, it waits, it waits. So when you think you are out, out maneuvering your emotions, when you think that by avoiding them they will go away, you will also experience symptoms of burnout, chronic stress, anxiety, maybe physical issues. You will be drained and have no idea why. You will be stuck in cycles of self-sabotage, procrastinating on something you really want to do, over thinking, overworking and also wondering what am I doing wrong? Now? You're not doing anything wrong, but by avoiding emotions, by trying to get by and over them instead of going through them, you're getting caught in cycles, which is re-imposing the idea that you're doing something wrong. Now.
Speaker 1:Emotions also operate on a different level. They're less about understanding, more about experiencing. When we try to out-think emotions, we're bypassing the actual problem. I'm going to say problem on this because in this case it is. It's the thing blocking you, it's the thing holding you back, it's the thing keeping you in a cycle. So you'll, logically, be looking at another problem going. I just need to fix that when, in reality, you're missing the thing that just needs to be done, which is you need to face the emotions. You need to sit with them, acknowledge them, process them. You cannot keep going around them. You cannot outrun them.
Speaker 1:People who are afraid to slow down and tune in are usually absolutely petrified of feeling their feelings and hearing themselves their intuition. Now, I know some of you might find this a bit airy-fairy, but stick with me. Feelings are data. Listening to your intuition is something that you have trained yourself not to do anymore, to take you to this logical level where you can just get through, instead of listening to the parts of you that are screaming out saying to you what you really need to do, that you're ignoring. Everybody I work with asks me if I'm going to make them weak, because they think if they start feeling their feelings, they're going to become in some way an emotional wreck.
Speaker 1:But feeling your feelings is about allowing yourself to experience what's already there anger, sadness, fear, happiness, all of those things. It's just about processing and acknowledging and moving through them, because what this does is it deals with you. It deals with you so you stop avoiding yourself. And what it also does is it stops things externally feeling like confrontation, which are not confrontation. The more curious we can get about being in conversation with ourselves. This is what we call intimacy, getting comfortable with ourselves, also known as intimacy. It allows us to build connection. What it also creates is less as a fear, and when there's less fear yeah, and we've dealt with things internally that we've avoided then we stop seeing so many external things as confrontation.
Speaker 1:So if there's somewhere where you feel like you're stuck, something that you keep avoiding, something that keeps happening on a loop, situations, patterns, whatever it is one of the first things you can do is close your eyes and notice what's happening in the body. And when you notice it, as opposed to trying to bat it away or get it to move, allow it in, allow it in, welcome it and just be like, oh, I'm just going to feel this for a second, I'm just going to let this in, having some compassion for even your inability to do that, and then, whatever you find, as opposed to being afraid of it, just be curious with it. This is where journaling becomes a really good tool, especially for people that have been saying on repeat I can't journal, I can't meditate, I can't do this, I can't do that. The reality is they're so afraid of going inwards that they keep themselves diverted and busy and overthinking externally.
Speaker 1:Just give yourself a minute. Give yourself a minute. Give yourself a minute to allow yourself to breathe, to close your eyes and just witness your breath. Just witness the sensations in the body, what's coming up for you, and just notice them. You're not trying to fix them, you're not trying to make them happy, you're not trying to do good, you're not trying to make them happy, you're not trying to do good, you're not trying to do the right thing. You're just going to notice them and in noticing them, so much magic can happen. So much magic can happen.
Speaker 1:So, wherever you are right now, where you are noticing this reoccurring block, fear, resistance pattern, whatever it is that's going on with something that you really want, not something that you want to force yourself to do, but something that you're really curious about because you do want it, because you are curious about wanting it, because you're just not sure. But you know that you keep setting it to say that I really want to do that and you're not doing it. Then get out of your head, get out of the idea that you can push through it or work through it or do more, work harder, and really see what it's like to sit with the emotions that come up. Instead and, as opposed to trying to do it in the most productive manner that you can for the best outcome and to strive harder and to push more, do it just to notice. Just to notice, take out productivity full stop and just do it to allow yourself to get closer to yourself and see what happens from there.
Speaker 1:As always, thank you for listening. If you think this might help somebody else, forward it on. If you want to leave a review, it helps more people hear it. As always, you can message me wendy at thecompletioncoachcouk or send me a DM on Instagram. Thanks now.