And What Else?

Cultivating Self-Trust and Personal Agility in 2025

• Wendy O'Beirne (The Completion Coach)

Share episode

Send us a text

This episode focuses on setting intentions for 2025, exploring the concepts of discipline, risk, and self-trust. We highlight the importance of defining a word for the year, tracking progress, and understanding the interplay between internal safety and self-reliance. 

• Setting intentions for the new year 
• The concept of discipline as commitment 
• Understanding state mastery and agility 
• Defining 'risk' and its personal significance 
• The necessity of monthly reflections and tracking 
• The conflict between self-reliance and over-giving 
• Building internal safety and trust 
• The importance of nurturing emotional responses

If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave me a review and subscribe! And if you want to learn more from me, come and say hello on Instagram @thecompletioncoach or via email at wendy@thecompletioncoach.co.uk or find out more about working with me on my website, thecompletioncoach.co.uk.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to Andra Tales, the podcast with me, wendy O'Byrne, also known as the Completion Coach, and I'm recording this at the very, very beginning of 2025, albeit it will be going out on the 14th of January but what I want everybody to sit and consider is their intention for 2025. It is this new space, new energy, new astrology, all of the new. So, without having to get into the nitty gritty of goal setting, which is probably a little bit too early for I'd love you to really sit with your intention for this year. What is it that you are intentional about this year? What's the mood, what's the priority, what's the direction? Because those things actually often bring to light the specific goals and give us more information later down the line.

Speaker 1:

Now, last year, my word of the year, which was my intention for the year, was discipline, and I spoke quite a lot on the podcast. I did workshops on discipline and really going through what I class discipline as, which is simply doing what I said. I would doing what I said. I would, no matter how it looked, no matter what it looked like from day to day, no matter what it looked like from day to day. So those tasks, those things, those bits I was prioritizing to master my state, because mastering your state enables you to take action. And I'm going to use the phrase mastering your state rather than regulating your state because I think there's a bit of a misconception going around about nervous system regulation at the moment and I think that's because we've been referring to it as regulating your state. So I think people are trying to aim for constant regulation, looking to make sure that they don't go into fight or flight, trying to avoid all stressors and looking for peace. And if there isn't peace, thinking that it's bad. And if it's bad, we've got to get out of it. And in reality, what we are always looking to do is create agility. Now, on my instagram page and on my website, you will see a diagram where I'm talking about the completion method. My website, you will see a diagram where I'm talking about the completion method, which is where we are mastering cognitive agility, which is how you think.

Speaker 1:

Emotional agility, how you feel, and then mastering the growth agility, which is how we're putting this into practice, how we're doing it in real life. Mastering one of these things alone will often leave things a little bit out of sync, a little bit not working, keep getting stuck in the same loops. I don't believe, for example, we can affirm something and in that affirmational language we'll change our minds, which will change our behavior. However, I do believe, by using language as affirmational, language will change our minds, which will change our behavior. However, I do believe, by using language as affirmational, we can witness our internal response to it, our energetic, emotional response to it, and we can use that data to process, nurture, create change, which then does rewire the way that we think, see and feel about ourselves. So agility is what we're looking for.

Speaker 1:

How we move through things, how we understand nothing is getting stuck we're moving through, which, ultimately, is building self-trust. Because when we build self-trust, what we are saying is I know this will move, I know I'm getting through this, I trust myself that this is something. I know I'm getting through this, I trust myself that this is something I can navigate and work through. When we are in fight or flight from a fear perspective, and we're completely dysregulated and the thoughts are going wild and we're overthinking, what's primarily running the program at that time is your lack of trust, your lack of self-trust. The irony for the people that I work with is that everybody else views them as highly trustworthy, highly reliable, complete, as doers see it through, as logical, can handle anything, and in reality that causes so much internal conflict because, although you can be that person, externally people will view you as sensible, won't quit, will see it through. You know, got grit, got determination, all of those things will seem true, but internally you know that you quit on a lot of things because you don't do what you said you would do for yourself, towards things that are from desire, towards things that matter to you but not necessarily to anybody else. So I'm going all off on tangents, but there we go. It's what happens on this podcast, but primarily, discipline matters to master your state, to create self-trust. So, although I wasn't setting the goal of mastering my state and creating self-trust and x, y and z goals with the very intention of that self-discipline, of doing the things that made me feel good as a priority, all of those things were the byproduct goals that came as a result of that.

Speaker 1:

Now, this year, my word of the year is is risk, and the word of the year for me, for risk is really intentional as to who and what I want to be this year and where I want to make decisions from. So the year of risk for me is about doing things a little differently, putting myself in situations that cause me to be dysregulated, for all of those things to come up, for the fears to surface, and to take action and do it anyway. This isn't to put myself in danger and take high dangerous and could leave you in a really bad position. Risk these are a year of risk in doing the things I've said I've wanted to do for a long time but find excuses and reasons to delay it. So for me, this year of risk is really bringing those things to the forefront which won't necessarily be risky, which won't necessarily be things that you think are risky, but they are things that obviously create a bit of fear within me because I've not done them, I've not risked doing it, I've not risked my voice in certain subjects. There's all kinds of things associated to it for me. There's all kinds of things associated to that word risk for me. So it's really starting the intention of this year that I'm embodying and I'm intentional about taking risk and what that means for me. It's going to then help me to really narrow down what I want to do and what I don't want to do this year. So I'm excited for it. I'll keep you posted on that.

Speaker 1:

But, again, if I hadn't had such a year of discipline which I will also add if you set a word of the year, please don't do it. Write it down and dismiss it Like really check in on it month to month. Is this true? Is this something I'm using? Is this just a word? Does this still mean anything to me? And at the end of the year, when you're reviewing the previous 12 months, please do pull up that word and see whether or not you put it to practice, whether or not that was embodied, whether or not that was something that's true or if it's just something you do. You're great at starting, at setting, at going for it, and then you ignore it and don't check in on it and don't use it in any way to determine anything.

Speaker 1:

And the reason that I'm saying that is because it never fails to amaze me how people do so many things. They're out there scattering their energy on so many things and even like start of year workshops, end of year workshops, and they only do it in that moment and then it's forgotten. I will ask people what their word of the year is. They can spiel it at me at the beginning, and if I ask them in March, april, may, how's that going? What does it mean? What does it look like, what's changed because of it? They can't answer because they're not tracking it, they're not looking at it and they're not reviewing it.

Speaker 1:

Now, as much as I'm here for the energetics of setting it, the frequency of setting it, being in that energy, that mojo going for it, if we don't use it it's pointless. There is no point creating anything to not put it in motion, to not use it, to not start to not go with it. And what I do find is people are setting these random words, these audacious goals, these big dream thinking, and at the same time, they're measuring nothing, they're reviewing nothing, they're just constantly seeking something else. You know, they're looking at quotes, they're screenshotting things, they're joining another program, they're signing up to another workshop, even though they haven't put the last one into motion yet, even though they've done nothing with the last piece of information they've collected. And a lot of you will feel dug out by that a little bit, but it's true, right.

Speaker 1:

And so I'm here imploring you to look at your word of the year as something more than something you throw around in January. What does it mean? Be specific, because I could say the word risk and not give it any qualification so that it could be really general. I've told you what that risk means to me. I'm aware of that, I've detailed that and each month I'm going to be reviewing what it is I have been doing that is in line with that intention. What's it creating, what's it stopping? What's the course, what's the direction?

Speaker 1:

Now, as part of a journaling workshop I did two years ago, I think now, I gave you these end of month reflections and again, people love them, but then they stopped doing them and it's really important that you get this data and I will tell you why in a moment. But those things are what's working. What am I doing that's's working? What am I doing that's working? What am I doing that's doing something towards the shift, the change, the choices, the decisions I want? What's working?

Speaker 1:

The next page is always what do I need to stop? What do I need to stop? There'll always be something, you know. What is it that I need to stop doing? That's getting in my way? And the third page is how is this in alignment with my intention, with the way things are going, with what I said I wanted to happen this year. How far on course am I? Where's this going? What's coming up? So, those reflections for me each month, you can do them with a moon, you can do them in ritual, you can do them how you want, but do do them, you know, really. Look at the same questions, the same three pages I do monthly to really look at where I'm at in my own life and to use that data to make progress and also to have a beautiful reflection at the end of the year over this journal that holds this brilliant data for me, at the end of the year over this journal that holds this brilliant data for me.

Speaker 1:

We're not looking to live in perfection and we're not looking to live in denial of reality, and that means that knowing the things that we also need to stop doing is really important. Knowing what we're doing, that's on track, that's creating momentum, is really important, and seeing a bigger, zoomed out plan for where this is going is great, not only to keep you on track, not only to make sure that you're actually seeing something through, but also so that you do not rely on emotional data to make decisions. I'm going to say it twice because I love this for me and for you. I'm going to say it again because I think it matters, but it means that you will not rely on emotional data to make decisions.

Speaker 1:

There are so many people that will turn around and say to me but Wendy, it's not working. Oh, this is a nightmare, this is this, all of these things. And when we get into it and when we dig into it, that is an emotional response because they haven't been looking after themselves, they haven't been looking at mastering their state, they haven't actually been doing what they said they would and they haven't actually been doing what they said they would. And they haven't actually stopped doing what they said they wouldn't. And they make these emotional, knee-jerk decisions saying I can't do this, this won't work. Oh, this is a nightmare. And they have loops of behavior. Those loops of behavior are caused by them getting their data from their emotions at a time when they are fraught, at a time when they are heightened, at a time when they are not feeling great.

Speaker 1:

That's not a place you want to make your decisions in life. That's not a place you want to make your decisions in life. So I would urge you to not just set your word of the year, but to have a monthly practice to really reflect on what's really going on that you can use to not just direct your months but then to look at a truthful overview of the year, rather than from your feelings, because they will always misdirect us, they are always out of date and they are always bringing up old wounds. They're not bringing up true data. Not bringing up true data. Now, the reason I'm bringing that in is because we need to build self-trust. All self-development is is that it's building internal self-trust. I trust me Because, believe it or not, most people have very little faith in themselves.

Speaker 1:

Again, throwing back course names, but for those that have been here a long time will remember, I did Cultivating Faith back in 2020 off the top of my head, and Cultivating Faith was about creating inner trust so that you stopped putting all of your faith outside of you, which is, if this happens, then I'll believe this. When I get to x, y or z, then I'll believe this about myself, when I see these angel numbers, when I believe in these cards, all of the things that are external trust factors, knowing that I also use signs. I always use cards. I do all of that, but I don't do it as my main source of trust. I do it for confirmation of my trust. So I want you to really think about that.

Speaker 1:

Where you outsource your trust, where you are outsourcing your power infinitely, because a lot of people are trusted by a lot of external sources, whether that's people that work with you, people in relationship with you and people that live in the same building as you. There's an element of external trust that we have in our lives and a lot of people are seen, as I've said, as very trustworthy people, but internally, you wouldn't trust you with your biggest dreams, with that deep down desire thing that you want with your voice, with your desires. You don't trust you with them, but externally, everybody trusts you with theirs. So this ties into the many posts and things I've done about being an external completer and an internal quitter and there being some conflict about who people think you are and who you internally feel as if you are.

Speaker 1:

I'm also going to touch on this episode around something that comes up. Really, I'm also going to touch on this episode about a belief that comes through for most of my clients, even though, again, they will be perceived publicly or externally very differently, and that is the internal belief that it's not safe to be me, and that is the internal belief that it's not safe to be me. It's not safe to be me and this means that they leave the body a lot. This means that there is a lot of them based in logic, a lot of them that stay clear of their emotions, a lot of them that feel as if they need to overextend all of the time that there is this continual you can come and take from me. It's an overgiving nature and it's constantly giving to a point where it's not generosity, it is scarcity, because you are. And it's interesting because most of these people will think they have a generosity, but actually it's coming with resentment.

Speaker 1:

And when people recognize anything, coming with resentment shows you that you are doing something to get something that you are not getting. You are doing something to get something that you are not getting and fundamentally that's acceptance, belonging, feeling loved, feeling wanted, all of those things, feeling supported, feeling safe, feeling safe to be you. But when we are doing it from this place of overgiving, overextending, giving everything you've got externally to somebody else well above normal capacity, you know, it's in the self-sacrifice region. And it's interesting because the people that are most self-reliant are often the people that are most self-sacrificing, but those people who are given from a place of well over capacity, continuously unable to have healthy boundaries around it. That is coming with resentment and it's coming from a deep drive to not want to disappoint other people. And in not disappointing other people, you are continuously disappointing yourself. And in that self-disappointment, in that complete idea of self-reliance and self-sacrifice, we have a real boiling point here of confirmation that it's not safe to be me. I have to be all of these things for other people in order for it to be safe, but still it's not safe to be me.

Speaker 1:

There's lots more for me to say on this. There's lots more about those people really struggling to find a sense of home, a lot about these people always, always, coming out of their bodies and rejecting their bodies, rejecting being in their bodies. These people also, because they reject being in their bodies, reject stillness. They can reject meditation, they can reject, they can reject journaling. They are fundamentally very fast, they are always on the move, they are always in their heads, they're always keeping it going, and that is through a lack of safety in the body, which is a lack of safety in the root chakra, which is a little, which is a lack of safety in turn, of that kundalini life force, energy.

Speaker 1:

So, with so many people looking desperately to be in their desire in their life force to go after life, to really enjoy being here, to enjoy being in relation, connection, building upon that, building upon what they truly say, that they want all of those things, but without that lack of internal safety and that safety to be you, with that trust in being you, with the trust of you sticking to and doing what you said you would do, to stop using your huge capacity to nurture externally and to internally change that critical voice which, for these people, that critical voice will sound very much like the first emotional caretakers that they had at a younger age. If we're going to change this language to a truly nurturing internal voice, even when it's disappointed, even when it's being criticized, and using this capacity to nurture, to nurture yourself, to use in this capacity to mother, to mother yourself, to nurture the creativity, desire, the wants, the needs, all of these things within you, then it's really important that we get you back in the body. It's really important that we create the safety to be you, that we create this sense of home in yourself, and there's going to be far more coming on this, both on the podcast and in creation of whatever programs, courses, workshops, etc. Come this year, because it's a really big theme, but what I really want you to think about is going into 2025. I know there's a lot of chat, even about this brilliant astrology I'm saying it all over the place but I want you to know that the astrology is powerful, and so are you.

Speaker 1:

The astrology is powerful, and so are you, and so are you, and it's tapping into your intention, this word of the year, this thing that you want to really put as a priority, and how we're going put as a priority and how we're going to navigate that forwards, how we're going to make use of it this year, how you're going to check in with it, how you're going to know if you're doing what you said you would do, how you're going to build trust with yourself by doing that and in doing it, and in feeling your emotions, in getting into the body, in creating your capacity to hold yourself more, to nurture yourself as opposed to berating yourself, in your ability to see that you're not being selfish by putting yourself into things, that you're not being selfish by prioritizing something other than everybody else's needs this year and that we cannot live continuously fraught by wanting to not disappoint others whilst continuously disappointing ourselves.

Speaker 1:

Not on my watch, so this is just an intro episode for this year. It went on a little navigating journey there and we're going to let that be welcome back and I'll see you in the next couple of episodes. Lots of love.