And What Else?

Embracing Intentional Meditation: Transform Your Life with Intention

• Wendy O'Beirne (The Completion Coach)

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This episode explores the profound impact of intention and habitual thought on our identities and lives. By discussing how setting daily intentions can shift our mindset, the conversation encourages listeners to engage in purposeful living rather than coasting through life on autopilot. 
• Understanding intentional vs. habitual meditation 
• The powerful effect of daily intentions 
• How coasting leads to unfulfilling lives 
• The significance of intentionality in shaping experiences 
• Flexibility in mindset fosters growth and adaptability 
• Recognising unconscious intentions and their impact 
• Practical exercise for setting intentions daily 
• Encouraging self-discovery through intentional living

If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave me a review and subscribe! And if you want to learn more from me, come and say hello on Instagram @thecompletioncoach or via email at wendy@thecompletioncoach.co.uk or find out more about working with me on my website, thecompletioncoach.co.uk.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to, and what Else, the podcast with me, wendy O'Byrne, also known as the Completion Coach, and last week we were speaking about connection and where we put our energy, what we invest into and how that returns, builds trust, etc.

Speaker 1:

This week I want to build on that by talking about a statement that a lot of people get confused upon, and that's one that says what we meditate on, we become. What we meditate on is what we become. A lot of people take this to mean intentional practice of meditation, ie when we're sitting down intentionally to meditate, that whatever happens in that is what we become. And actually what the undercurrent of that statement is is where meditation is simply where the mind goes, and where the mind goes most of the time by habit habitual meditation, because that's where you're settling your mind. So, intentional meditation you're attempting to settle your mind. Habitual meditation is wherever our mind goes naturally, wherever our mind goes habitually, wherever our mind goes on repeat, wherever we meditate on habitually, we become and I'm bringing this because, again, people seem to think it's what they do in those 10 minute meditations that have the most impact, when in reality, the intentional meditation is just you being intentional, which is gorgeous, because even if the mind is busy, even if you know the fire alarm goes off halfway through it, even if the dog kicks off. You know the fire alarm goes off halfway through it, even if the dog kicks off, even if somebody comes to the door. You are intentionally sitting down to clear your mind. You are intentionally sitting down to do whatever style of meditation you picked. So if it was guided and you were like I'm going to meditate on self-love, I'm going to meditate on expansion, I'm going to meditate on clearing my mind, I'm going to meditate on opening my third eye, whatever it was that you were choosing, there was a choice. You were choosing something and it was intentional. Whether or not the experience of it was deemed good or bad, right or wrong at the end will be your human mind playing up. But you had an intention to do something and you created space for it and then you set your mind to it.

Speaker 1:

When we are unintentional day to day, when we just rush into life, when we just plow in automatically doing what we've always done, when we don't change anything, when we stop choosing and we become automatic in choice, where we are unintentional about our thought process, where we're unintentional in any part of our lives. So, building on from last week's, where we're investing, this is about how intentional we are. Are you intending to find flaws in something, or are you intending to find growth and desire? Are you intending to live? I'm not going to add to the end of that sentence Are you intending to live or are you intentionless in your existence, rushing every day day by day? Eventually, you're going to find time to set aside intention. Eventually, you're going to find time to change things. Eventually, something's going to happen, which means you'll have more choice. Eventually, something will happen and the decision will be made for you, because that habitual form of meditation is what we become. That habitual lack of intention, that habitual reduction of the choice that you have in any moment, becomes who you are, becomes what your life looks like.

Speaker 1:

And so, being intentional every day and the way that I ask clients to do this people that come into any of my workshops to do is to set an intention every morning in the shower. Who do I want to be today? How do I want to show up? How do I want to impact the people I am going to see today, and how do I want to feel up? How do I want to impact the people I am going to see today and how do I want to feel by the end of today?

Speaker 1:

Some really simple questions I ask myself every morning in the shower getting ready for my day. You can time it with anything that you do habitually in the morning, but tying it into something we do habitually means we are more likely to do it. I am loath to call it a habit stack, but if you're doing something habitually already, add something to it, it will become easier. So, building on the vague eye contact in the mirror every time you go to the loo and wash your hands, I ask everybody to habitually add intention into their morning routine. Who am I going to be today? How do I want people to feel who come into contact with me today? How do I want to feel as a result of being this person today and the reason that matters.

Speaker 1:

And why those big, broad questions, rather than narrowing down, what's my actual intention for today? What is the intention to get out of today? Very different energy. Who do I want to be? How do I want people to feel as a result of any interaction with me and how do I want to feel as a result of being me today that has such a fundamental shift on so much, and if you can get into the habit of doing that every single day and eventually, even if that becomes a 70% practice in your life, that you do most of the time but not every day, then you're going to see a significant difference, because what we meditate on, what we are habitual about in our thinking, what we are habitual about in our behavior, what we are habitual about in any part of our life, is what it becomes. And I want you to really think about it, because I've been setting intention for such a long time now.

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This has been part of my practice. It is who I have become. I have become somebody who meditates daily one way or the other. I make it happen and it looks different all of the time. I'm so flexible. I am somebody that used to be really rigid in my thinking and now my thinking is so flexible. I'm always looking at how I might be getting it wrong. I might be always looking for what am I not seeing? My flexibility, my openness has changed my communication, which used to be rigid, because I was afraid Afraid of any sort of conflict, afraid of being misunderstood, afraid of being too loud, afraid of all of the things that created my identity at the time, which was people pleasing, but it was also.

Speaker 1:

My identity then became something to hide behind at work. My identity became something that would keep me hidden in relationships, and so what actually caused me to even start to look at myself through a self-development lens was the fact at 32, I realized I didn't have an identity, that I was coasting, that I was living an intentionless life, and the lack of intention was driving me up ladders I did not want to climb, and it was also pushing me in directions that were not the direction I would choose. So, at the age of 32, when I changed and stopped and put the brakes on so many things that were happening and timed myself out, it was at that point that I realized my identity merged with whoever I was around. My identity merged with my job way too much. The idea of what I wanted from my life was completely coasting, and it was on this basis of me feeling, in some way, that I had no choice, that I didn't have those decisions to make, that those decisions weren't ones I was comfortable to make All of these things. But in reality, if I was to pin it down now, our life coasts when we are unintentional with it.

Speaker 1:

When you add intention into your life, it cannot help itself but to shift gears. It cannot help itself but to start to change. And it opens up your eyes to where you have been really, really rigid. Rigid in your thinking, rigid in your nervous system, rigid in your emotions, rigid in fear, rigid in what other people expect from you, rigid in not wanting to disappoint anybody or yourself. And that rigidity makes you a difficult partner. That rigidity makes you a difficult boss if you are one. It makes you a difficult employee if you are one. That rigidity makes hard part of life, like everything feeling like a slog, everything feeling like it's an uphill battle, everything feeling like it's just gonna come, with such a tangled weave of difficulty or disappointment.

Speaker 1:

And I'm bringing this up because people think or associate coasting to it going really easily, like they just coasted through, that they got through the other side, and coasting is actually directionless, without gear, without direction, without intention. It's how we find ourselves in the same position 12 months on. It's the parts of our lives that do not feel fulfilling, and I spoke last week about purpose being confused with meaning, meaningful, something feeling meaningful, and I'm going to bring this in that if life is without intention, if it's directionless, it will feel unfulfillingilling. And if our life is unfulfilling in any area, then there is a lack of intention or there is um a very unconscious intention for you to somehow prove that it will go wrong and I will go into that a little bit deeper here and that I was very unintentional with my intention. I was unconsciously setting intentions on things going badly for me. I was unconsciously expecting all relationships to end. So, without knowing it, my intention was always about the ending. My intention was to find that proof. My intention was to find that evidence. I just wasn't conscious that that was what I was doing. So I really want to add to this.

Speaker 1:

When people people are talking about being awake, it's language. I hate Having a spiritual awakening. I think it makes people sound or look as if they've suddenly lost the plot. In all honesty, when people talk about being conscious, I'm so way of being. I was totally blind to. I was doing things without the intention was because it was subconscious, unconscious fears, behaviors, drivers that were creating my outcomes. And creating my outcomes means manifesting. You know all of the words that are shifting that may cause people to react differently from them or shut down to them. Manifestation just means in creation, and we can create a lot of stuff unconsciously. And we can create a lot of stuff consciously and the more conscious we are about what we're doing, ie the more intentional on purpose hear that word again on purpose. We are about what we want to create, about what we are intending for ourselves and our lives. Who am I going to be today? How do I want to impact the people that I interact with today? What do I want them to feel as a result of being in my company, and how do I want to feel by the end of today? Those three, if you can master them into your day, you will notice some really big shifts in your life.

Speaker 1:

When I did this in the start, when I really started to look at this about age 37, adding this intention in, I didn't get there quickly. You can tell. From 32 to 37 I was unraveling, unraveling. But when I added intention in in this really simplistic manner, into a habit that I have of showering every morning, I fundamentally saw so many things change in my life that it was impossible for me to deny this hadn't had a huge impact. Yes, I also started journaling. Yes, I also started to include meditation. Yes, I started to notice how I spoke to myself. Yes, I introduced that mirror work. Every time I went for a wee and looked in the mirror. All of those things did happen, but it was because of this intention.

Speaker 1:

And the intention was who am I going to be today? And it was like, yeah, I'm going to be somebody who does what she says she will do. I'm going to be somebody who believes that her entire life can change. I'm going to be somebody that's looking for possibilities. I'm going to be somebody that's excited for my own bloody life. I'm going to be somebody that's excited for my own bloody life. How do I want people to feel as a result of seeing me today? I want them to feel better for the experience. I want them to feel expanded in my presence. I want them to feel deeply heard and valued. How do I want to feel as a result of being this person by the end of today? Energized, I want to fulfilled. I want to feel as if my day had some meaning, whatever that was, and I want to feel like I can end my day rested.

Speaker 1:

I started setting these intentions and ultimately, within 12 months, my life internally was almost unrecognizable and externally things were changing in ways that I could never have predicted. So there wasn't any force or attachment to the outcome. I was just really keen to see, if I became intentional about who I was, what the outcome of that would become. So there was curiosity she's banging the same drums. She always does, but I did it without attachment to the outcome of curiosity. If I become this person, I wonder what would change in my life. And fundamentally, what changed was not only how I felt and what my capacity for things were and my intention about who I was as a human, the intention of my impact on others and how I wanted them to feel around me, and my intention for my impact on myself, how I wanted to end each day, rather than the exhausted, fed up, can't be bothered to cook. What's the point? Fucking hell, can't wait for tomorrow.

Speaker 1:

Words that used to come out of my mouth of like same shit, different day. Oh yeah, it was all right. You know, if people even asked me how my day was, they got very little. Now, if you ask me even how my morning was, I'll have stories. I'll tell you about something wonderful. I used to not give a damn about nature. And now it can stop me in my tracks on the morning walk, and just how glorious watching the sunrise is, it stops me in my tracks.

Speaker 1:

I used to get up and rush into my day with absolutely no idea what intention was in reality. If I'm honest, I just got up usually late. I'm honest. I just got up usually late, rushed into the day, got on my phone, was annoyed by something, didn't eat breakfast, you know got to work. Stress had already been in the fact that I was rushing to something, that something was a problem that I had to deal with. Nothing goes my way, oh only me. Trust me. What? What's my luck like? I was very much that person. If I was on hold in the day doing things, I would scan the daily mail and read absolute nonsense.

Speaker 1:

When I think about who I was, unintentionally, you know, I was also somebody that had cigarettes to make life less stressful. Apparently I think that was my reasoning. I was somebody that had cigarettes to make life less stressful. Apparently I think that was my reasoning. I was somebody that had a lot of debt. I was somebody that believed people like me can't achieve things like that. I was somebody that struggled massively with my own body and liking it. I was somebody that struggled massively with integrating and belonging anywhere.

Speaker 1:

I was somebody constantly drinking. This is going back into my 30s. Obviously I haven't drank since I turned 40, but I was somebody drinking because she couldn't handle her emotions or she couldn't handle stress, and stress was a big part of my life. And somebody asked me recently what I do instead of drinking to unwind or handle stress and I was like, um, I don't do anything to to do those things because I'm very rarely truly stressed and I never feel like I need to unwind because I'm not wound up, and that's from the bottom of my heart. When I was asked it, I was the bottom of my heart. When I was asked that, I was thinking God, what do I do? And I was like you don't get to those states anymore that were really habitual for me to be in.

Speaker 1:

And that's not to say that I never experience stress or I never feel wound up. I do, but I guess because every day I walk in nature. I get out first thing in the morning. I go for a walk about four o'clock, 4.30, every day as well. I am really keen at doing it and just that. That's my own mind. I guess that's the way that I de-stress, I move my body, I talk to people. I'm forever playing with my own practices. I'm forever playing with my own practices. I'm forever curious about what I'm actually stressed about and recognizing. Usually it's nothing.

Speaker 1:

All of these things are because of the intention that I set every morning who am I going to be today? How do I want people to feel who are in contact with me? How do I want to feel as a result of being me today? And I'm saying them on repeat, because three such simple questions, such a simple tool, and once again, it's. I will guarantee you, out of all of the thousands of people I've told to do that over the last 10 years, there will be a handful of people that actually put it in their kit bag and use it and do it all of the time.

Speaker 1:

But without doubt, over any, any big experience that I've had, this daily tool, this micro dose of intention setting, is the thing that fundamentally shifted so much for me early on, and it's a huge part of why I don't have huge roller coasters now, because I am quite intentional day to day of who I'm going to be. And who I'm going to be is somebody that expands, that doesn't have huge problems. I'm somebody with loving relationships. I'm somebody who is constantly being reminded there's so much more than she can see, and so sometimes my intention is that. My intention today is to remind myself that the world is massive and I don't have any idea how many opportunities are in it. I want people who are in contact with me today to feel my passion and to see more of themselves in it. I want to finish today feeling like I saw something or I expected a miracle, and something beautiful happened.

Speaker 1:

With that intention in my life being such a big part. It's not, as I say, narrowed down to something very specific, and if I'm going into a big day, a big meeting, a big change, then I might be. My intention today is to be in this experience fully, to relax and enjoy whatever I can from it. I want the people who are in my company today to experience XYZ, and I want to finish today knowing that that experience was exactly what it was meant to be. That energy, that change, that shift is huge, and so I really want you to think about how much intention you have in life that makes days more meaningful and how much more on purpose you could be and start to notice what that brings up or creates for you, sending all my love. If you think somebody could do with hearing this, please do forward it on Any reviews always help it get further out questions. Any feedback, please dm me on instagram or pop me an email. Wendy, at the completion coachcouk. Thank you for listening.