Go Ask Sawyer
Go Ask Sawyer
SOLO- Unmasking the Aspects of Self-Sabotage and Self-Care
Having ever found yourself lost in relationships, seeking validation from external sources rather than acknowledging your own worth? That's the journey we embark on today. We venture through the maze of societal pressures, exploring how they can often muffle our inner voice and lead us to live lives we never signed up for. We converse about dreams so large they seem unattainable, and the anxiety that often accompanies the courage to heed our own instinct.
As our conversation deepens, we touch upon the slippery slope of self-sabotage. We illuminate its prevalence and how it tends to be overlooked. We stress the significance of self-care, kindness, and trusting our inner voices. We contemplate how the fear of loss can shape our relationships and actions, often causing us to suppress our needs and desires. This dialogue serves as a gentle reminder to have faith in life's process and embrace the belief that what is destined for us will not bypass us. Tune in as we peel back the layers of self-love, authenticity, and the pursuit of a life that genuinely aligns with our aspirations. Remember, the journey towards self-discovery is one of the bravest quests one can embark on.
Good morning and welcome back to Go Ask Sawyer. Season two has taken me a little bit to get back into this, and so I wanted to start today's episode. On this Sunday morning, I'm here with my dog, gunnar, who decided he needed to sit right next to me, and I wanted to come back and talk to everybody about what happens when you lose yourself, and I've noticed that I lose myself. I don't know if it's a way of self-sabotage or if it's a way of validation, but I for sure have a problem with losing myself in work relationships specifically, and I hate that. I hate that because I absolutely love myself and I think I'm a pretty cool person. I love my personality. I love what I bring to the table. I think I'm a pretty delicious meal, if I may say so myself. But I am so quick to allow others to tell my story, and what I mean by that is not that they speak for me, but I am so quick to push my ideas, thoughts, opinions down for other people, and I don't know why. I don't know why.
Speaker 0:I was listening to an Instagram reel the other day of a man who grew up, had a very hard upbringing, was told he wasn't going to amount to anything. When he was a kid, his 16-year-old son died. He almost lost the will to live. And then he had a daughter and kind of started living for his daughter. And when he was in therapy he was talking to his therapist about how he lived for his children and she said that so often in life we find other things to live for because we don't feel like we're enough to live for. And maybe that's it kind of hit me when he said that, because anyone who knows me knows that I constantly look for outside validation to let myself know that what I'm doing is right. Am I on the right path? Am I doing this? And actually maybe I should say this I come off like I do my own thing and I don't care about what others think. But I really don't, and I see this most evident when I'm in relationships. I'm always worried about what they're going to think or what they're going to feel if I disagree or if I want more, and I don't know how to not lose myself. And I think that's the part in my therapy sessions that I'm trying to work at right now is when I'm in relationship, and this doesn't happen as often with friends, and I think I'm sure a lot of us find this also that I'm able to disagree with friends easier, and I don't know if it's because I don't I'm not worried I'm going to lose them, or it's something very vulnerable and different when it comes to someone that you love, and probably because we don't want to be left and for some reason you feel like your friends won't leave, but a lover could, and that heartbreak is something horrible for anyone who's gone through heartbreak, which I'm sure most of us have.
Speaker 0:But I wanted to start my season two podcast in just trying to look at or talk about or bring to light how many of us I know I do myself lose ourself and why do we lose ourself in relationships and how do we not do that. I have a sign on my wall that says love me when I'm lost, and so often I would project that onto my lovers. What a funny word. Lovers, my lovers, and almost not blame them, but maybe blame them like I was lost. Why wouldn't you have loved me through it? I was broken or going through something. Why wouldn't you have loved me through it? And it's only until recently that I realized that was actually meant for me. Like to allow, to give myself the love I need when I'm lost. So often I want someone else to find me and love me and help me and do all the things when, if I just start doing that for myself, I won't have to look for that validation in other people.
Speaker 0:I started reading the Pivot Year 365 days to becoming the better or the person you truly want to be. I really like it. It's by Brianna West, and I really like it because it's just a short thing every day. But yesterday it talked about the voices of the world compared to our own inner voice and how so often in our lives, our lives are woven together by a storyline we didn't write and we lose sight of our inner compass and we lose sight of things that we really want and before you know it, you're just kind of mindlessly walking through life, a life that someone else kind of created for you. And when I talk about someone else, I'm talking about society. You should do this, you shouldn't do this. You should be with this person, you should live here, you should do this for a job. How many times it's always the should, the should, the, should, the should.
Speaker 0:But what does your inner voice say, that voice that when you're walking down the road it says turn right, and you don't know why it's saying turn right. Or you walk into a party and that voice says I don't really want to be here, but you stay anyways because you should be there, or you think people want you there. We're scared to say I don't really want to stay here, or whatever is going through your head. And I just so often I mean I too am sometimes scared to listen to that inner voice and I just wonder why, like I wonder if it's because if we listen to that inner voice, our lives would look a lot different. We would start saying no to a lot of things we say yes to. We would start dreaming different, thinking different.
Speaker 0:It's really hard for me and those of you that are listening, that know how to manifest or dream big. I have ginormous aspirations but because I've never you know, it's like you dream of this. I'm just going to use an example. Becoming okay, one of my dreams is to become a best-selling author and I write, but I've never written a book. I've started, stopped, started, stopped. But my dream is to become a writer and public speaker, podcaster, create a whole inspirational, motivational movement that I could make lucrative and travel around the world and live this life with my partner next to me and our dogs maybe one cat and make money doing things that I love.
Speaker 0:That dream seems so far-fetched to me I don't even know what it would feel like. I just keep thinking calm and peace. Calm and peace. But do you ever have something that is so big? I feel like that's my inner voice. But you know, I got to make money now. I got to pay bills now. I have to do these things now, and you know I'm a procrastinator. And then I lose myself in things and then I put other things first and I self-sabotage my, my own self all the time. Who else is a self-sabotager? Raise your hand, unless you're in the car, keep your hands on the steering wheel, but I just I feel like I'm in a place where I I don't know what to do. So it's almost like I have to do enough.
Speaker 0:And I was looking up a verse today. I looked up just to see, like, what the verse of the day is, and it says in the same way the spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And so often I'm reminded that when you don't know what to do, do nothing I think even Oprah said that one point and sometimes I feel like I need to know what to ask for or what to pray for or what to move for, and so often, if you just allowed the quiet, if you just allowed the space to sit, the words would come to you, the prayer would come to you, the knowing would come to you, the inner voice would come to you. And maybe that's what I need to get back to is that stillness.
Speaker 0:I'm definitely going through some stuff right now that I know I'm purposely keeping myself busy, so I don't have to be still, so I don't have to feel. But I know that the sooner I allow the feelings to come, the sooner I'll be able to work through it and release. But it is just. It feels like I want to fix all the things quickly.
Speaker 0:Anyone else ever feel that way? Like you know you're in a moment of your life that you do need to pause or you do need to pray, or you do need to sit with it and maybe choose yourself, and you're just like, okay, can I quickly do this so I can get to the other side. But if I truly trusted in myself, if I truly believed in the universe and God and everything that we are surrounded by, if I truly believed what is meant for me will not pass me by, why am I so quick to try to get to the other side, when I know that beauty will be brought to me, when I know that what is meant for me could be even greater than I even realize? And the more you force, the more you push, the more you make something happen. Then it happens and it's like, ah, just didn't feel right. But anything that does happen in that very organic way feels so beautiful and so wonderful and just like, wow, this is exactly the way it was supposed to meant to be.
Speaker 0:Anyone ever look back at certain things that happened that in the moment just seemed so horrible and so hard? And like you look at it like why in the world is this happening? And now you're like, oh, I get it. I see all the lessons, I see everything that I was supposed to get from that. I feel like I'm in one of those moments now that I'll get to see the beauty and the glory and the amazingness, but it's just, I'm too close to it right now.
Speaker 0:So my message on this rainy Sunday is hello, I've missed you all my 15 listeners. Practice the pause, let the silence come, let the inner voice speak to you and trust the process because at the end of the day it is real. What is meant for you will not pass you by. Even Gunner agrees what is meant for you will not pass you by. And my little Gunner here, my dog. He's a rescue. He's coming up on. I've had him almost two years, this November, and he is the most perfect, awesome dog I've ever had and I waited a long time for him and he's just my best little friend.
Speaker 0:Please be kind to yourself. Think about that self-sabotage. Think about do you lose yourself in people, in relationships? Do you stay quiet to comply? Do you push down your needs and wants to make others around you feel better, feel more comfortable, feel more safe? But as you make them feel more comfortable and safe, are you actually making yourself uncomfortable and safe? We'll see what happens this week and I will be back next Sunday. Be kind and if you can't be kind, ask for forgiveness and move on. Happy Sunday.