Go Ask Sawyer
Go Ask Sawyer
10 Minute Thoughts - The Tides of Jealousy
Ever felt the sting of jealousy, that insidious whisper that creeps into your heart when a friend succeeds or a partner shares a laugh with someone else? Join me, Jamie Sawyer, on 10 Minute Thoughts as I unravel the complexities of this emotion, sharing my own battles with jealousy and discussing its roots in fear of loss and insecurity. With references to Biblical wisdom and a deep dive into personal misalignment, I'll take you through the process of recognizing and overcoming the 'dirty air' energy that jealousy brings into our lives. This isn't just about envy; it's about understanding ourselves and the expectations that can lead us down a dark path.
As we navigate the choppy waters of self-reflection, we'll explore how communication and authenticity play crucial roles in disarming jealousy's grip on our relationships. I'll touch on the importance of recognizing our own worth and potential, which can get lost in the shadow of envy. It's a journey of self-improvement that demands self-awareness, and I'm here to guide you through it. So let's confront these feelings together, challenging their hold on our hearts and striving for a life where peace isn't just a fleeting visitor but a lifelong companion.
Hello, hello, hello, welcome back. This is Jamie. Jamie Sawyer of Go Ask Sawyer and you are on episode two of our new series, 10 Minute Thoughts. So my thoughts for this week, our focus is on jealousy. Oh, jealousy, the ugly J word.
Speaker 1:I had a conversation at work the other day with a friend and she said jealousy is something like she was speaking in the eye, something I want from someone, but they are willing, willingly giving it to someone else. And that made so much sense, right? Because it is the times that I am the most jealous I've noticed in my life are when someone I love is willingly giving an action or words to someone else in their life that I want them to give to me. And I really just thought to myself, like why, again, 10 minute thoughts? Why does this happen? How can I stop it? Because we all know jealousy is ugly.
Speaker 1:Jealousy does not actually do anything positive in your life. It usually destroys more things than it helps. So for today's 10 minute thoughts, I did find two Bible verses that I thought really kind of wrapped up the whole idea of jealousy and what it does to you, and the first one is James 3.16 says for where you have envy and selfish ambition. There you will find disorder and every evil practice. That one, I just thought again. When there is jealousy, when you are envious of someone or something else, there's usually maybe disorder or chaos in your life and you never get what you want in a do. I want to say in a positive way, in a pure way, the actions that you put forth to get what you are trying to get because of jealousy are never pure and you usually end up maybe driving people away. Your energy is just off. I always see is it Linus in the Charlie Brown part of the group with his blankie and that big puff of dark air, the dirt air around him. I feel like jealousy comes with that kind of dirty air energy around you. And the second verse that I found was Proverbs 14, 30. It says a heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy and jealousy rots the bones. So let's talk about when jealousy occurs and what do we do about it when it does.
Speaker 1:I know for myself and again a lot of this has to do with, let's say, I mean, good friends of mine can tell you I have a big problem with them having other friends. We always used to make a joke of it that it's like oh, jamie's going to be jealous of these new friends, yet I can have as many friends as I want. It's very two faced. I understand I am. I will call myself out in every way, but my whole understanding was I don't know why you need other friends if you have me. I don't know why you need to go and form these other relationships.
Speaker 1:And my jealousy came from I don't know. Does it go back to? I think I'm going to lose my friend. I think the relationship they have with this other person is better than what they have with me. I don't trust who.
Speaker 1:I am enough to know that we all need people for different things. We all need different relationships for different things. I have good friends that are guys that give me a different energy and outcome than some of the girlfriends that I have. If I'm in a partnership or a relationship with my partner, I have other friends because I need from her I'm going to need one thing, and from my girlfriends I'm going to need another thing. I have relationships with my parents because they're going to give me something different.
Speaker 1:And that's just one example, because jealousy has always been something that I've struggled with and I'm usually able to ward it off, keep it off. But it's popped up again recently and I just thought like, oh crap, because I also know my should we call it the alter ego? I also know my alter ego gets a little crazy when I get jealous and creates lots of stories in my head that are probably not true. Lots of stories in my head that are probably not true, creates disorganized destruction, creates chaos, creates accusing ideas that are not fair to place on other people. So that's really where this popped up, because, a I want to know how to deal with it. Two, I also want to know how to sit with it. I've been really trying to practice when I'm feeling something, instead of just pushing it off or pushing it away, like sitting with it. So some things that I have come up with I've jotted down that I wanted to share with you all today.
Speaker 1:So, first of all, friends are a big jealousy point for me. The second one is just being invited places. I get a weird thing of jealousy if it's like I've always invited you one place and then you never invite me here or there. Now that could also be me re-examining that friendship or relationship If I'm always including this person, but yet they don't include me. That could mean I need to re-examine that relationship and also, like am I communicating my needs to that person?
Speaker 1:Even I've noticed the way, let's say, I'm in a partnership and I noticed that when they're with these certain people, my partner's laughing all the time and they're singing and they're dancing, and then when they're with me, they're just not Like I would be jealous of their actions with these other people and then think to myself a thousand things that are probably not true. But also, am I communicating? Hey, am I creating a safe space with me? What is going on in our relationship that they feel they cannot be that authentic part of themselves with me? So what am I missing in that relationship? Maybe even, like, when jealousy comes up, what am I not giving myself? That's what I've really been looking at. A, am I out of alignment? So a lot of times I'm noticing when that jealousy pops up, I'm not in alignment with myself. I've abandoned myself somewhere and now I'm putting on unrealistic expectations to that other person. A lot of times I'm not stopping and feeling it. I'm just really getting frustrated and angry and sad, instead of saying like, okay, what is going on here? And then I'm trying to learn how to speak on it.
Speaker 1:Talking to the person that upset me or I felt jealous with hey, this made me feel this way. Can we talk about it Now? You also have to have a safe connection with that other person, not everyone you can have that conversation with. They might take it, take offense to it. They might be like how dare you say that these are my friends or how dare you feel that way, or why are you trying to control me? I mean, those also are indicators that maybe that is not the right I don't know friendship relationship to have.
Speaker 1:But being able to have that hard conversation of hey, I felt jealous, I felt this way. Can we talk about it? So then I also think to myself have I communicated my feelings? And then what can I do for myself? Like that goes back to the abandonment thing. Is there something that I'm out of alignment with myself?
Speaker 1:Going back to the abandonment thing, is there something that I'm out of alignment with myself? Going back to the podcast from last week, have I played small in some places, so I'm not showing up as my full self? Have I ignored some red flags that I probably should have paid attention to? Have I abandoned myself somewhere along the way, said yes when I should have said no, and then am I putting unspoken or unrealistic expectations on a situation, on a relationship or on a person, which is really unfair to do. But I know I've done that more often than not and I know we're all human and that's usually where that comes from. And if you're saying yes to any of those things the playing small, the ignored flags, abandoning yourself or unspoken expectations how can you reset yourself? And that's kind of what I'm trying to get to right now.
Speaker 1:Where have I abandoned myself? That I need to reset? Where am I out of alignment? Where have I not communicated? Clearly, I need A, b and C. If you cannot give me A, b and C, then I need to think to myself A, can I give those things to myself? Is it time for me to move on? And are A, b and C expectations that I want for my whole future, my purpose, my person?
Speaker 1:And I think that's where we really get to the root of the jealousy. If I'm out of alignment, if I'm ignoring flags, if I'm playing small, then things are going to be happening in which I am not showing up as my full self. So then maybe I am wishing somebody would give me the attention that they're giving each other people, or I'm wishing I had that job or could travel the way those people did, instead of showing up the way that I need to show up for myself. So I'm still working on jealousy. How does jealousy show up in your life? Is it more about how people act, or is it about maybe things or opportunities other people have that you want? And just remember and I need to remind myself this too jealousy just rots the bones and jealousy causes a lot of chaos. Have a beautiful day. I'll see you soon on our next 10 Minute Thoughts. Bye.