Go Ask Sawyer
Go Ask Sawyer
Finding Yourself Again
After feeling lost for nearly two years, I've found myself again and am starting a new journaling series focused on purposeful healing and radical self-acceptance. This journey begins with understanding our shadow self—those parts we hide from others—and learning to love ourselves so completely that we naturally repel people who don't honor our light.
• Using morning pages to unclog creativity and access deeper wisdom
• Creating intentional healing through journaling and self-reflection
• Understanding how our shadow self emerges when we're disconnected from our center
• Learning to stop dimming your light for people who don't deserve your brightness
• Reconnecting with your inner child and becoming your own strongest advocate
• Practicing beginner's mind to experience life with renewed curiosity
Join me next Sunday as we continue this journey of intentionally healing on purpose. Bring your journal or notes app, and let's commit to showing up for ourselves in ways we never have before.
Hey y'all, welcome back. It is. Go Ask Sawyer. New season, new endings, new beginnings, not new endings, old endings. Yeah, full moon in Libra, big pink moon. End of eclipse season, just a whole wrap up.
Speaker 1:I've been away for so long. I was sitting here getting ready for the podcast and I was like put my hair up and I put lip gloss on and I was like, wait, no one can see me. I have lost my voice. Friends, I lost myself for maybe the last two years, last two and a half, and I was well, you know, eclipse season likes to bring things up and a lot has happened this year, and when I say this year, I guess I'm really talking about since September and maybe a little bit before last spring, last spring, till now, so maybe a full circle moment.
Speaker 1:I got so lost in, oh my gosh, so many things. I remember talking to this person I used to know and I just remember saying like I'm so lost I can't see, like I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore. And now I understand why. Right, but it is just, it's terrifying when you think you used to know, not used to, when you think you know yourself, and then you look around and you just don't even recognize you. I couldn't. I love taking selfies, I love taking pictures. I couldn't even do that anymore. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I my cat just got his paws stuck in my screen. Anyways, I had no thoughts. I had no. I was pulling cards, I was reading Bible verses, I was journaling, I was meditating and like nothing could get in and I just was so blocked and then some shit went down and I found myself again. I want to do I have an idea to do a series of kind of like finding yourself on purpose, like the whole focus, the whole point is we do these things on purpose.
Speaker 1:I am purposely going to heal myself. I am purposely going to love my inner child, which I'm going to talk to you about in a moment. I am purposely going to show up for myself. I am purposely and intentionally If I can be so delusional about what I think about people, what if I was delusionally optimistic about myself? What if I had dreams so big I was like I am just going to do it. I had this quote on my laptop that says leap and the net will appear, signed Faith.
Speaker 1:So this series that I'm going to start is. It's a journaling series, so you will need and we're going to start every episode the same way you will need either your notes app, if you're a phony girl, or a journal or a pen I mean, sorry, journal and a pen or something to write with. I'm really, really, really going to encourage you to either keep a note in your phone and go back to that every time you listen to this, or a journal. I started reading a book, the Artist's Way. You do these morning pages, so every day you write, he says three, or sorry, she says three pages every day, no matter what. And that's. We're going to kind of start every podcast the same way.
Speaker 1:But the whole premise or the whole purpose seems to be just to get everything out of your brain, even if you're just writing I don't know, I don't care, this is stupid, I don't know, I don't care, this is stupid. And eventually other stuff starts coming out. So it's like a way to unclog your creative self. Through doing that, I have really started to unclog different things about myself. I have all of a sudden like new ideas that were just popping out. It was crazy. I've been doing it now since November and I do it pretty religiously, five days a week. There's always two days I miss, but pretty religiously, and so that's kind of that's how we're going to start the podcast.
Speaker 1:I'll always give you a focus, I will always give you some sort of prompt, but I really want this series to be about you, not me, you. I want this series to be a focus on how do you love yourself so much that you don't allow people in your life who don't see your light. I've talked so much about like dimming your light for other people and don't get lost in what other people want. And if you don't love yourself, how do you expect others to love you? And y'all, I did it. I stayed somewhere. I should not have stayed.
Speaker 1:I dimmed my light so much that, like, all I can picture in my head when I talk about this situation is like a withered. I had this beautiful vision when I was in Colorado, but like this girl who was just like, sadly sitting at this table waiting for a person to show up for her, and like God, universe kept giving her signs like this is not a good person. Look at this, this is not a good situation, look at this. And I just kept saying, okay, one more. Okay, show me one more. Like, I was that girl and I've really been doing so much reflecting as to like, how did I let that happen? When someone showed me who they were the first time, when groups of people showed me who they were the first time, and it didn't feel good, why didn't I just leave? Why didn't I just say, nah, there's like 8 billion other people in this world. Why did I stay? And I know, in my last relationship or, yeah, my last relationship for this delusionship, I said the same thing and I was like dang it, jamie, get yourself together. So I'm back in therapy. Yay, we've been doing a lot of work there, so that's great. I'm so thankful.
Speaker 1:I started that in January, on my birthday actually, because I was like I'm just going to, I'm doing the work, I'm getting it, I'm starting it, I'm doing it. So I thought like, okay, we're going to start this series. The whole premise is on purpose. Each episode is going to be focused on something different and I'm going to encourage all my listeners. I think I had four people, maybe 10 to journal and just be yourself and show up for you. So the verse that I'm going to have, that I really, I really like, and I've been trying to practice, is Proverbs 17, 27.
Speaker 1:The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. So as much as I want to get mad and blame and point fingers, at the end of the day it's me. At the end of the day, I can't blame anyone for anything except myself for my own sabotage, deconstruction, everything all of that. So today we're starting with our shadow right. A very wise woman who I just spoke with the other day said the devil is not as strong as we think he is. He waits until you are at the top of your game, until you are not leaning into God, universe, understanding. He waits until you are so high up and then he just drops one little temptation in and he just sees what happens. He's not that strong and it's usually when we are far away from our beliefs, our understanding, our creator.
Speaker 1:That's when our shadow shows up, and our shadow is a part of yourself that you consider undesirable or unacceptable, often referred to as a shadow right. So it's society that you don't want others to see. Maybe you judge others that act this way, others that act this way. It has negative emotions, impulses, behaviors, but I have found that when I'm at the top, and when I say I'm at the top, like I'm not, like I'm the best of all time, but I'm like feeling really good, things are going well for me. Maybe I'm not reading every day, I'm not praying every day, I'm not with nature every day, because I just have it all together that's when that shadow might come out right. And my shadow is really about being chosen. Ooh, my shadow loves to be chosen.
Speaker 1:But the more you understand your shadow and your ego and why this happens, the easier I promise it will be to really love yourself wholly and maybe even to notice like, oh, you know what. I got some triggers going on here. Or I'm really leaning into this, because temptation as a shadow, it's not a negative thing once you understand it and you become friends with it. And I always remember hearing that a couple of years ago I kept hearing that over and over and I was like what does that mean? I love all the parts of myself, I love the darkness, I love everything. But like until I really understood it, and like what I may still be trying to hide, like that validation, I don't care what other people think. I don't care what other people think For the most part I don't, but I have really. I'm really trying to lean into like I do not care.
Speaker 1:I'm trying to go back to like if you are not at the top of your game personally and professionally, I don't know why you're giving me advice and not like in a rude, negative way, but so many of us are so scared to even try to even attempt, because what will they say Y'all, I got a cat stroller. Well, first of all, I got a cat. He's really naughty. His name is Oliver, so if you ever hear me yelling on here, it's probably because he's eating a plant. But I got him a stroller right and I told people and they're like, oh God, jamie, like the eye rolls, the oh, there's the cat, cat lady, and honestly, I don't care. Like I was thinking about today on our walk with my cat and my dog and I was like, who cares?
Speaker 1:I am the cat lady, I am the dog lady, I am a podcaster, I am a healer, I am spiritual, I love yoga, I love lifting weights, I am a mother, I am a friend. I make really fucked up decisions. Sometimes I hurt people that I should not hurt. I am a mother, I am a friend. I make really fucked up decisions. Sometimes I hurt people that I should not hurt. I am all these things and honestly I'm okay with that because I am. I've just realized so many people that I keep worrying about are not. They don't have a lot to their name, and I'm not saying like attached to your name or you should feel bad about yourself or you need to list off all of these things, but like, what are you proud of? What? Can you stand 10 toes down? I really hope all these noises in the background I'm able to cancel out because my dog and cat are fighting right now.
Speaker 1:So I'm gonna ask you to show up as loudly as you can to my podcast. I'm gonna ask you to put your hand on your heart and think back to times when you were little and you were looking for someone to validate all of your big feelings, like, yes, you can feel that way and I want you to hold that child and say I got you, I got you. I'm going to make you so proud, because if we can't fully love ourselves and show up for ourselves, how do we expect other people to do the same? And I know I've said this a million times before. But, honestly, I am a work in progress and that's also what I want everyone to know is you are a work in progress and it's okay to fall back, and it's okay to trip and fall down and it's okay to get back up so many times because so many people don't get back up. I'm tired of blaming other people for my circumstances when they're my circumstances. I got some edges, I have some wounds, I have some big ego issues that I need to deal with, because never again do I want anyone in my space that is not cheering as loudly for me as I am cheering for myself.
Speaker 1:So right before I started the podcast, I pulled a card from the Shaman's Dream Oracle deck and it just popped out, which I just I love, but of course you guys can't see me, so you can't see if it popped out. But it's First Breath. Beginner's Mind, a fresh start and renewed curiosity. Natural trust, beginner's mind.
Speaker 1:When the first breath card shows up for you, it is time to leave the old stories and tales behind. You have arrived, take a deep breath and another. There is nothing else you need to do but take in the new world that is revealing itself around you. Trust your natural curiosity. There is no need to dwell on how difficult the journey has been or how tight the passage to get to where you are now. Just take it all in and experience the awe and wonder of your arrival at this destination, even if it is familiar place you have come to many times before. Try to experience it as if for the first time For you are renewed and the old you is no longer your concern.
Speaker 1:Practice the beginner's mind not labeling or naming what you see and experience that situation that was so difficult only a few days ago. Just be with it, breathe. You have already gone beyond it, have overcome and resolved it, even if no one else realizes this yet, soon enough they will as you move on, do not squander the power of first breath, giving the old narrative mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, for it is new beginnings To animate a world you can play and create in. Do not underestimate the power of your breath and the magic of your word. Friends, will you join me on this new destination of or sorry, this new journey of intentionally healing on purpose, speaking intentionally on purpose, telling your truth with transparency, on purpose, to allow the people and events that need to be in your life to be there and push out the ones that are not. If you are, join me next Sunday, till then, stay cute and stay quiet to your haters. They'll all figure it out in the end. Peace.