Go Ask Sawyer
Go Ask Sawyer
Part 1: Unmasking Self-Deception
We're continuing our journaling series "The Truth of it All: A Journey into Emotional Honesty" by examining the lies we tell ourselves and how they impact our emotional wellbeing.
• Beginning with a three-minute journaling brain dump to clear our minds
• Exploring common self-deceptions like saying "I'm fine" when we're not
• Discussing how we minimize our feelings with phrases like "it's not that big of a deal"
• Understanding emotional gaslighting and how we question our own reality
• Examining how we often lie to ourselves more when seeking validation from others
• Identifying personal truths we avoid facing because they feel risky
• Sharing vulnerable examples of hard truths I'm currently facing myself
• Considering how self-honesty is a radical act of self-love
Next week we'll explore "Who are you without the mask?" as we continue our journey into emotional honesty. Stay cute, stay loud, keep dancing even when everyone is watching.
Book: 'A Gentle Reminder' by Bianca Sparacino
Follow me on Instagram @goasksawyer
Hello and happy Sunday. Welcome back to Go Ask Sawyer. This is your host, jamie, and welcome to our new journaling series where we are kind of diving deep into who we are, uncovering different layers of us through acts of journaling, and we started a mini series last week. The overall title is the Truth of it All A Journey into Emotional Honesty, and this week and next week we are looking at ourselves, the lies that we tell ourselves. This one was hard, hard and easy for me. Easy because I have been doing this kind of work for a long time and I know like I'm very aware of how I sabotaged myself, how I lied to myself, but it was just kind of seeing the patterns happening again. That was really hard to look at. So that's what we are diving into this week. As always, we are going to start our podcast with a three-minute brain dump into our journals. So grab that notebook and something to write with or your notes app, wherever you're at. I'm going to ask you to press pause and set a timer for three minutes and just write about anything and, as I've said before, song lyrics, a letter to someone, a letter to yourself, or just start telling yourself about your day. Whatever is in your brain. Do not judge yourself and just write. So I'm going to ask you to pause here. Set that timer for three minutes and I'll see you back. Welcome back. Welcome back. I hope that was therapeutic for you. My journaling has been extremely transformative, especially this last year when I really got serious with it since last November. So I do hope that brings you something.
Speaker 1:So let's get into the lies that we tell ourself, and I don't have a Bible verse for us. Today. I found a book I have A Gentle Reminder by Bianca Soprano, and this book is just great kind of like about how like you deserve to be loved, how to move on from breakups or hard situations, and the quote I'm going to share with you that she says is the bravest thing you will ever do is learn how to love the things that made you you, and that's really what the series is about like really learning how to love all of those parts of ourself that maybe we're not ready to face. I also saw this quote today. Someone said that the more that we heal and build ourselves from the inside out, the stronger and greater our foundation is. So, then, no matter what happens on the outside of us, we always know who we are at our core. So as we move into our episode today, let's just think about self-denial, rationalization and emotional avoidance.
Speaker 1:We often think of lying as something we do to others. But what about the lies we tell ourselves? Like, what are those lies that we tell ourselves every single day? I'm fine. I used to use this so so so often. You say you're fine when you really aren't. I think I used to say I was fine because I wasn't ready to really feel my feelings at the time and maybe with the person I was with I didn't feel safe enough to share what the issues were. So it was easier to say I'm fine, it's fine, it's all going to be fine.
Speaker 1:When really it is not fine at all. We tell ourselves it's not that big of a deal, right, we go through something and we gaslight ourselvesself into thinking like, why are we so upset about it? It's really not that big of a deal, when really it is. When we tell ourself it's not a big deal, we're really holding back that sensitive part of ourself that wants to come forward and cry and scream or punch a wall. Now, I'm not suggesting punching a wall there's lots of kickboxing classes for that. But when we tell ourself it's not that big of a deal, we're pushing down our own feelings. We're letting almost ourself know that it's not safe to really let those feelings out with ourselves, not even with other people like ourselves. When someone does something hurtful to us, we say, oh, they didn't mean it like that Again another way to push down our feelings that we have play down my hurt. But again it's all to myself, because this episode today and next week is really about you. It's not about what we're telling other people. And then again the other one. Well, that's just the way life is Like. We go through lessons, we go through ups and downs, but when are we just going to stop and be like, no, that really sucked, that really hurt. Or, you know, I tell myself like Jamie, that's not fine, you don't have to use my name, you can use yours. But does that sound familiar to you?
Speaker 1:These are all micro lies, tiny little lies that in the moment probably seem harmless or helpful, like they're getting us out of. We don't want to wallow in a situation, so they're keeping us from getting stuck. They protect our pain, but it's all short term, because it costs us our truth, our connection and the healing in the long run. These last few months I've really I've run from pain and I've forced myself to sit in pain and the sitting in it. I understand no one likes it, but it is really hard. It is really hard to be like I am not fine and then to uncover that so when we lie to ourselves, we're doing a disservice ourselves. We're doing a disservice in that we're not really allowing ourselves to heal and then be free and hear ourselves. So often we want other people to hear us, but if we're not even hearing ourselves, we need to understand our own voice and our own pain and this is where we get into the emotional gaslighting. So I am also really good at this.
Speaker 1:Gaslighting, as we all know like that cool new term everyone loves to throw around is a form of psychological manipulation where someone is subtly made to question their own perception of reality, memory or sanity. This can involve denying or distorting reality, a lot of times minimizing experiences. Again, it wasn't that big of a deal. That's not how it happened. I've been going through a lot of this lately, like questioning my own reality, like me against me, not me against anyone else, me against me. Like questioning who I really am and what is really happening and what was really happening. But again, that was because I had minimized feelings for a while, and I had minimized feelings for a while, I had minimized my own needs, I had shifted blame and I had so many doubts and uncertainty in certain places that I just became to question myself. And the more I questioned myself, the more I felt like I didn't even know my own truth, which I think is the scariest thing. Because then you're just like how do I trust my body? It's telling me this and that, or in reality, I am seeing something directly in front of me. Right, my body is telling me something. Is not true. But because, in the reality of it, if I'm looking at the situation for what, it is right. Like, let's say, we ask a friend hey, I heard you went to dinner with two other friends, that kind of hurt my feelings and the friend is like that didn't even happen. Now, again, that's the gaslighting toward me. I understand that.
Speaker 1:But you start to question your reality, like, oh, okay, well, maybe I'm being too much, maybe I'm being jealous, maybe I'm being insecure, when, like, everything in your body is like nope, you know exactly what's happening. Or when you ask a friend or a loved one like, hey, why don't you post about me on social media? And they kind of get upset about it. So then you're like, oh my gosh, I'm doing too much, it's fine, it's fine, I'm fine, it's fine. You tell yourself, it's fine, it's really not that big of a deal. I'm making too big of a deal about it. I'm lying to myself, I am pushing my feelings down. So I'm telling myself in this weird way that I can't even trust my best friend and when I say my best friend, I mean me.
Speaker 1:And that's been something in my prior relationship and this current situation that I was in. Like that's something that I've really had to struggle with myself. Like I was the first to go to struggle with myself. I was the first to go Meaning the feelings and the thoughts and the wants that I had. I would push them away because I felt like I was needing too much or wanting too much. I was minimizing my needs, I was ignoring my intuition, I was talking myself out of things that I knew to be true for myself and I mean that's something I never want to happen again.
Speaker 1:But that's part of this process really sitting with yourself and saying like where in my life have I said it's fine when it's not been fine? Where in my life have I told myself half truths? Where in my life have I said, well, they didn't really mean it, like that, I'll give them another chance. When on the inside you I said, well, they didn't really mean it, like that, I'll give them another chance. When on the inside you're like dude, you're lying to yourself, like this is not the truth that you want. And I do realize that I am bringing other people and situations into this, but I feel like so often I lie to myself more when I'm with someone than when I'm just single right, ready to mingle. It's easier for me to be completely truthful with myself and stand in it when it's just me, but when I want the validation from someone else, it's easier for me to lie to myself, put myself second and put my needs somewhere else. Right? So I have a few truths that I know I need to sit with and that's where I want you to think this week.
Speaker 1:Where are lies that you've been telling yourself? And the biggest thing and I think I reached out to a few friends this week but what are some truths you've been avoiding facing because they feel too risky. And what would happen if you honored that quiet voice inside your head Telling ourself the truth is a radical act of self-love. It's a radical act of self-love. It's not always comfortable, but neither is living in that lie. That just doesn't fit. And then that's when you again living in that lie that just doesn't fit, and then that's when you again go out of alignment. So what is the truth that you need to face that you might not be ready to face? I have a few that I wrote down, so I will go first.
Speaker 1:One of my hard truths right now is I am wasting time doing meaningless things when I could be more focused on my finances, my mind and my body and getting myself out of toxic situations. A part of me still feels like I'm not worthy of deep love, which is why I still overgive to prove to other people that I am worthy, and this is a truth that I'm kind of grappling with. This is another one I've been grappling with Living my life currently one foot in, one foot out, half of me being committed to this new version of myself that I want to be, but the other half holding on to old patterns and comforts. When I do this, I'm telling myself that I'm not ready, I tell myself that I am not worthy and I'm kind of lying to myself like it's okay. When I do this, the energy in my body can't move, and so then I'm creating this like frustration and confusion. If I cannot commit and be loyal to my future self, I will always stay stuck in this comfortable person that I am, which gets stuck in toxic cycles, which puts other people before herself and which cannot lock in. And I think it still hurts that she and when I say she, there's a few she's didn't choose to fight for me.
Speaker 1:So, on that note, what are some truths that you need to sit with and be super radical about? You need to sit with and be super radical about? Write those down Until next week. Next week we're talking about who are you without the mask? Stay cute, stay loud, keep dancing even when everyone is watching Peace.
