Harnessing Courage: The 3G Resilience Formula, with Laura Bratton

In this powerful episode, we sit down with Laura Bratton, author of Harnessing Courage, who transformed her journey of vision loss into a framework for resilience that anyone can apply to life's challenges.

When Laura was diagnosed with a rare retinal disease at age nine, doctors could only tell her she would eventually lose her sight—they couldn't predict when. What began as a routine eye exam quickly spiraled into years of adaptation, learning braille, and discovering how to navigate a world she could no longer see.

Laura shares the raw, unfiltered reality of transitioning to blindness—from the initial denial to the development of her "three Gs" framework: grit, gratitude, and grief. She introduces us to her guide dog Jira, and explains how this extraordinary companion became a transformative force that changed her outlook on the future.

With refreshing candor, Laura breaks down her powerful philosophy that helped her not just survive but thrive despite overwhelming circumstances. She offers actionable insights on self-advocacy, embracing ongoing grief as part of healing, and finding strength in community when your own reserves run dry.

This conversation isn't just for people dealing with vision loss. Laura's insights apply to anyone facing a crisis that demands resilience, advocacy, and the courage to acknowledge grief while still moving forward.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• How to break overwhelming challenges into manageable, bite-sized pieces
• Why finding a "gratitude buddy" can transform your perspective
• The power of self-advocacy and asking for what you need
• Why leaning on others' strength isn't weakness—it's essential
• How to embrace grief as an ongoing companion that changes shape throughout your life
• Why your struggles make you more relatable and trustworthy to others
• The importance of balancing grit and gratitude to create a foundation for moving forward
• The difference between being positive and toxic positivity
• Practical ways to harness courage even when facing insurmountable odds
• How to give yourself permission to have bad days without guilt

Learn more about Laura by visiting her website

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Music credit: Limitless by Bells

Transcript

Jessica Fein: Welcome. I'm Jessica Fein, and this is the, “I Don’t Know How You Do It” podcast, where we talk to people whose lives seem unimaginable from the outside and dive into how they're able to do things that look undoable. I'm so glad you're joining me on this journey, and I hope you enjoy the conversation.

Welcome back to the show. I am so excited to introduce you to today's guest, Laura Bratton. Born and raised in South Carolina. Laura's life took an unprecedented turn at the age of nine when she was diagnosed with a rare retinal disease. The doctors told her she'd eventually lose her sight, though they couldn't predict when that would happen.

Over the next decade, Laura experienced the challenging transition of [00:01:00] adjusting to life without sight, moving from print to braille and learning to navigate a world she could no longer see. Over time Laura developed a framework for resilience, graduating from Arizona State University with a BA in psychology, and then making history as the first blind student to receive a Master's of Divinity from Princeton Theological Seminary.

Laura's journey led her to become a pastor, and the author of the book Harnessing Courage. Laura and I talked about her three Gs; how her guide dog, Jira, changed Laura's outlook on the future, and why it is no fun being thought of as a superhero. Without further ado, I bring you Laura Bratton.

Hi Laura. 

Laura Bratton: Hi Jess. 

Jessica Fein: When you and I met at the TED Talk, we were both drawn to each other from the start. I think we knew we'd connect. Well, I'm so glad that we did and I'm so grateful to have you here. 

Laura Bratton: Thank you for the opportunity. [00:02:00] I love your work. 

Jessica Fein: Thank you so much. So let's start off by going a little bit back in time.

And let's start with you as a 9-year-old girl. 

Laura Bratton: So as a 9-year-old girl, I was extreme extrovert involved in every single activity in the summer between second grade and third grade. I had a regular pediatric ophthalmologist appointment, just routine, and in that routine appointment that was supposed to take, you know, 30 minutes of our summer and then we'd do the beat trip and move forward, the doctor discovered there was a major problem going on that glasses, contacts magnifiers, would not correct.

So that started spending the rest of the summer in doctor's appointments. And I landed in Emory at a pediatric retina specialist. And at that time as a 9-year-old starting third grade, all they could say was, you have a [00:03:00] super rare retinal disease. We know it will progress towards blindness, but we don't know a rate.

And we don't know if that will be two years from now or 20 years from now as a 9-year-old. I couldn't process the diagnosis. Obviously my parents could, but I just like, okay, let me get back to my normal 9-year-old activities. 

Jessica Fein: You know, I thought that was such an interesting part of your story because as adults we hear this kind of diagnosis that you're going to lose your eyesight and think that would be completely destroying to hear. And it was so interesting to me for you to say, well, you were nine, you wanted to like get back to doing whatever you were doing with your summer. 

Laura Bratton: Yeah. I didn't have a clue what it meant to eventually lose your sight.

It's like, okay, well can we get back home now? Can we leave the doctor’s office? 

Jessica Fein: So when did it start to sink in? [00:04:00] 

Laura Bratton: So it started to sink in at the end of middle school and all through high school. As I went from print to braille, as I went from being able to walk around. Totally fine. No assistance.

No mobility aids at all to zero depth perception, so I could see the curb was in front of me, but I couldn't tell you if the curb was six inches away or six feet away. So my whole depth perception was one of the very first things to go. It sunk in as my vision quickly decreased. 

Jessica Fein: It must have been terrifying.

Laura Bratton: Yes, absolutely terrifying. 

Jessica Fein: What was one thing when you were in a place where you had your good friends and you understood the physical environment? But as you got older and were going to be going off more on your own and going to new environments, things changed again. 

Laura Bratton: Yes, terrifying. That's when I had to face a reality of, okay, [00:05:00] this is my new normal. At first, I kind of was living in that denial of, oh, it'll get better. Next year my vision will just magically reappear. And I think that was just a survival strategy. I didn't really believe that cognitively, but looking back, I think that was just a survival tool. 

So I had to be in that mindset of, this is forever.

This is now the new normal. What do I need? What you were saying to approach those new environments. So getting a guide dog instead of walking around by myself, you know, all of the major accommodations that had to be made to move forward. 

Jessica Fein: Let's talk about that guide dog. I loved Jira. What a great character in your book, but also what a great, I was about to say what a great human being. 

Laura Bratton: Yeah, she was like one. 

Jessica Fein: Yeah. Tell us about how Jira changed your life. 

Laura Bratton: So my instant reaction the day I got her after our first [00:06:00] official walk together when I was holding the harness, so the harness is on her and then I hold the handle of the harness.

My first instant reaction after that 30 minute walk was, I've gotten my vision back. I can see again like my confidence. My just whole demeanor, my outlook on the future completely changed. Just the safety and the ability that she gave me to physically move forward, but also emotionally move forward. I can't put into words as an 18-year-old, she was an incredible healing resource.

Jessica Fein: I had so many questions about the two of you coming together, and it was so interesting to learn about how you had to get trained together to work together. That was such an interesting process. How did you turn over so much trust to Jira? 

Laura Bratton: It was literally day by day, moment by moment. So the training is a month long, so [00:07:00] she is fully trained as a guide dog.

When I got to school, so when I started the month, she was fully trained and ready to be connected with her person. So when we connected each day, we would do a small walk and then that walk would increase. And there was always trainers there with us. So it wasn't like, here's the dog, go figure it out. We were in a very controlled environment where that first walk that I mentioned, I mean, it was probably three blocks.

Then the next day it was five blocks. Then the next day it was a mile. So I built that trust literally day by day by day. 

Jessica Fein: And are you together 24 7 then once you're put together? 

Laura Bratton: Yes. Yeah, so, so from that first day I got her at around lunchtime on a Wednesday. And yeah, from that moment on for the rest of her life, we were together.

She's [00:08:00] not working all the time. The, the harness is not on her. She's not like on duty all the time. You know, when we're just at home in a home environment. She's just a regular dog enjoying life. Loving her Nola bones and all her dog toys. But yeah, as far as being together, we worked together from that day forward.

Jessica Fein: It's really fascinating to me. My daughter, Dalia, had a dog who I joke, was a self-trained service dog. I mean, yeah. Really was her dog and took care of her in many ways. And I learned at the time about actual real service dogs, which he definitely wasn't. It was very fascinating to me because this idea of being, as you put it on duty and off duty.

And you know that when you see a dog that is on duty, you are not to pet them, or I mean, they are working. As compared to when they're, when they're not. When they're not 

Laura Bratton: Right. Yeah. Right. I mean, it was a very distinct difference. I mean, when I [00:09:00] picked up the harness, she would come running, and when I put it on her, I mean, she knew her left from her.

Right. She knew elevator stairs, open door. Closed door. I mean, she knew so many commands and I mean, I had her for 10 years and I never. And I mean this literally like I never tripped, I never stumbled. It was completely smooth. But the instant we got home and I took the harness off, she would watch me walk into a wall.

It was hilarious. Once that harness was off, that was truly her downtime, her time to just be a dog. 

Jessica Fein: So 18, you are put together, you and Jira, and then what did you do? 

Laura Bratton: So I got her in between high school and college. So I graduated from high school a semester early for the purpose of going and getting her, and then having a couple months with her before I started college.

So I went to college at Arizona State because of the blindness. Because blindness was new to me, to my [00:10:00] family, we didn't know what resources were available. I didn't even know how to advocate for myself. I didn't know what was available. So Arizona State, the reason I chose that university is because they have one of the best disability resources in the country.

So they are fully equipped to integrate people with all types of disability into the university system. So, for example, they could tell me, okay, we're going to give you double time on your test. We're gonna provide a note taker in every class to take the notes. So that's what I mean by, I didn't even know those were options.

In those early college days, so I had to go to a university that could basically tell me what to ask for, tell me how to be my own advocate. 

Jessica Fein: That's something that we hear and experience as advocates in so many different ways, which is it's hard to advocate when you don't fully even know what you can advocate for.

Laura Bratton: [00:11:00] Exactly. Right. When you don't have a foundation of what to ask for.

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Jessica Fein: I know that your cornerstones are grit and gratitude, that that's what developed over time. At what point along this journey did those two things, grit and gratitude, when did that become your personal mantra? 

Laura Bratton: So backing up to those early [00:12:00] high school days, there was two reactions. One was, you're amazing, you're a superhero.

And I didn't feel like an amazing superhero. I was trying to survive calculus and just pass high school, like survive each day in high school. And that label of, oh my gosh, you're amazing, just made me more anxious, more depressed. On the other hand, was the extreme victim. The pity. I mean, I can't tell you how many people talked louder and slower, and I would always laugh and like, yes, I know I'm Southern, but you don't have to talk that slow.

So just that extreme pity made me equally as depressed and anxious, so out of pure survival since neither one of those coping mechanisms worked for me. That's what slowly developed the grit and gratitude. I realized, okay, I have to choose each day to have the tenacity, to [00:13:00] have the courage, to have the perseverance.

To navigate through each day. Sometimes when I feel like being strong and sometimes when I don't feel like being strong, regardless of how I feel, I have to make that cognitive choice. So for me, that's the grit, and again, that slowly develops over time, then balanced with that. Was the gratitude of being deeply, deeply grateful for the people, for the situations that helped me through the initial trauma, the initial accepting, adapting to the vision loss.

So I don't mean being grateful for the blindness, rather being grateful. Example for Jira. That was a credible healing resource that allowed me to move forward. So as I just kept living and moving forward and like a SU was providing that advocacy, that's how the grit and the gratitude developed. I, I realized that was my survival [00:14:00] tool, emotionally. 

Jessica Fein: I imagine that you also heard, I don't know how you do it a lot. 

Laura Bratton: Exactly. Right. 

Every single day. Multiple times a day. 

Jessica Fein: What did you say when people said that to you? 

Laura Bratton: My initial reaction is, I don't know either, and it's not something I have figured out. It's again, going back that grit. It's something I choose every day to wake up and say, okay, I'll figure out how to get through today.

So my initial reaction is, there's never a perfect game plan of I do it this way. This is how I do it, this is how I get through it. It's not a perfect roadmap that's laid out. It's a choosing each day. To literally have that balance of grit and gratitude. 

Jessica Fein: What do you do on the days when you just don't feel grateful on the days when you are just like, no, I'm not.

I'm annoyed and I'm angry. What do you do? 

Laura Bratton: Great question. 'cause there are more days than not of that. Absolutely. All the emotions, the anger, the [00:15:00] the questions, the depression, all that anxiety. That's when I lean on the grit of those around me. So that's when I remember and lean on in those early high school days, my parents that said, okay, we believe in you.

We don't know again what accommodations are needed, but we'll figure it out and make it happen. Leaning on the friends that didn't just walk away or run away or say like, okay, you're not gonna be my friend anymore because you can't see. But the friends that just said, okay, you know, maybe you have to stop dancing and we're not in the same dance class anymore, but let's figure out activities we can do together.

That is a great question. 'cause there are so many of those days when I don't have that personal grit. So I lean on the grits of those that do support me of those that I can, I can borrow their grits for the day. 

Jessica Fein: Right. And be grateful for them. Right. And so I can see how those two things start to become [00:16:00] intertwined.

Right? 

Laura Bratton: Right. I mean, I will literally sit and tell myself, okay, I don't feel like I have the grit today, but I know family and my support system has the grit for me. And just literally let that be my strength. And it's not like I call 'em and te, I mean, sometimes I do, but it's not like I call 'em and text them and say, okay, we might grit for today.

Like, but I just know that's what they're saying through their actions. That's what they've said over the years constantly. So I just depend on that grit when I do not have that within myself. 

Jessica Fein: So on a practical level, when you're trying to summon the grit and the gratitude, what would be an example of how you summon those when you're in a situation where both are called for?

Laura Bratton: With the grit, I try to begin my days acknowledging, okay. There'll be difficult moments. There'll be good moments, there'll be painful moments, you know, when I'm, I'm frustrated, but there'll also be [00:17:00] incredible gifts that I wasn't expecting. So for me, it's the grit of acknowledging this is gonna be hard and I'll figure it out.

Keeping that realness in balance, not getting up, saying okay's easy, just acknowledging it is gonna be hard. And again, I choose that strength, whether that's the strength of myself or the strength of depending on others. And then what I found with the gratitude is just acknowledging throughout the day those little moments.

Just quickly saying thank you. I'm thankful that that happened. I'm thankful that that person, you know, did not talk louder or slower to me, just those brief moments that, again, can build on themselves. So it's never one big, huge neon billboard of the grit and gratitude. It's those tiny, tiny moments that add up.

Jessica Fein: Okay, well there's another big G word that I wanna get to, but before we get to the [00:18:00] other G word, tell us about after college. So you finished your undergrad? 

Laura Bratton: Yes. So I finished my undergrad and at that point I felt like I had the tools to abdicate for myself. I didn't necessarily, didn't have to be a place like Arizona State that was.

Equipped. So because of my personal just life experience, I majored in psychology, but I didn't just wanna focus on the mental aspect, the psychology aspect. I wanted to focus on the mind, body, spirit, that holistic healing, but also mind, body, spirit, just a moving forward. So that's when I went to Princeton to get my master's in Divinity.

And the gift that Princeton gave me was. They were the opposite of Arizona State, so they had never had a student go through the master's program who was blind. So that gave me the incredible gift of saying, I need double time on my test. I need a note taker in my classes. I need Wi-Fi in the classroom so I can [00:19:00] access the internet, you know, to take notes or to write things down on my laptop as classes happening.

That gave me the experience of learning to advocate for myself and that that was a strength, not. A weakness to ask for help. How did they respond? Amazing. And that was the gratitude. That was incredible gratitude of, they responded so well as I clearly communicated my needs. 

Jessica Fein: Did you find that people started responding to you differently in general as you became more of a self-advocate?

Laura Bratton: Yes. That's a great question. So there was less of the pity and more of she's a human. There was, yes. I, I did notice a difference because for what exactly you said as I advocated for myself, that increased my self confidence. I was more comfortable in my own skin. So as that increased and I could clearly communicate my [00:20:00] needs.

Yes, a hundred percent. People did respond just in a normal human way, not in a, oh my gosh. You're, you're other, you're a different way. 

Jessica Fein: Yeah. And when you finished divinity school, you then became a pastor? 

Laura Bratton: Yes,that was a hundred percent because of my life experience. Because of that, it's not just mental, it's not just spiritual. It's not just having the guide dog to help physically navigate the world. It's all of it put together and the gift that I quickly realized within that experience. A pastor is as a spiritual leader, people were, and are more willing to come to me with their problems, with their concerns, with their life issues, because they know I get difficulty.

They don't even have to know I lost my sight. Most people don't. They're just like, what? I [00:21:00] guess you're blackened out, so you've always been, mm-hmm. They don't even have to know the whole story. Just the fact that I know adapting and I know. Choosing that daily strength, they're more willing to be vulnerable and to trust that spiritual leadership.

Jessica Fein: It's so interesting. I mean, first of all, you go from a place where, as you put it, people pitying you. Yes. To a place where they seek your counsel, your wisdom, your advice, right? But it does show that when you've gone through something, you are more relatable. Nobody wants to seek guidance from somebody who's always had it all figured out.

Like, where's the wisdom there? 

Laura Bratton: Right. Yeah. I wouldn't. 

Jessica Fein: Right? 

Laura Bratton: Yeah. 

Jessica Fein: All right. Now I said there was another big G word. As we talked about the grit and the gratitude, there was another one we were missing, and that is the grief. Yes. And for you, grief is an ongoing part of your life. I mean, yes, at each [00:22:00] stage of your life.

Grief rears its head anew. 

Laura Bratton: The best advice that a mentor gave me was when I was at Arizona State and I was getting ready to start freshman year, getting ready to start college. All excited, and in my mind is like, okay, I agreed through high school, you know, I went through the stages and I'm good to go.

I checked that box, the greeting's over, let's move forward. And then mentor Remind sat me down her office and she said, Laura. I just wanna let you know the grieving will continue for the rest of your life. And I was so confused. I said, what are you talking about? And she said, in each new stage you'll grieve and you'll realize that grief will just always be with you in a part of your day-to-day life.

That's not right, that's not wrong. It is just the reality because of your life experience. And of course, as the 18-year-old getting ready to start college, my first [00:23:00] thought was, I'm good. Like, that sounds horrible. 

But it was two things. It was the best advice I've ever received, and it gave me permission to continue to grieve and knowing that continue to grieve is actually a form of healing. Not a terrible, miserable process, but is just part of moving forward.

Jessica Fein: Interesting. Right. So you weren't taken off guard by it, you were expecting it, right? 

Laura Bratton: A hundred percent. A hundred percent. 

Jessica Fein: How do you find that the grief changes shape over the years? 

Laura Bratton: So sometimes the grief looks like sadness. It's just, I'm really, really, really sad that, oh my gosh, look what I'm missing.

I'm missing. So much from the [00:24:00] visual world, and then other times it just looks like extreme frustration that, oh my gosh, used to take me two seconds and now it takes me forever to get this done. You know? It's that frustration of, I used to go do this on my own, but now I have to ask somebody to do it. So depending on the situation, it's either that or that anxiety, you know, I'll say to myself, okay.

I know I'm super anxious about the situation, but if I had vision, there would be no anxiety. I would, I would feel much better about the situation because I'd be able to see. So just again, going back to what my mentor told me, she gave me permission to grieve, and that was an incredible gift because what I know is okay, is I turn towards that sadness, turn towards that frustration.

Turn towards that anger or whatever it might be. Just sit with it and grieve and let it be, and then just keep moving forward. And the sadness, it doesn't instantly go away, [00:25:00] but I can feel both, right?

Jessica Fein: Being able to feel both I think is something that is such an important thing we learn over time. 

Laura Bratton: Yes, grieving, again, it's not a weakness. It doesn't mean I haven't accepted my new normal, just knowing it's a part of life and that's okay. I think for a long time I felt that shame of like, oh my gosh, I must not be okay 'cause I'm still grieving. 

Jessica Fein: It's interesting when you talk about, you know, the anxiety and grieving that if it weren't for the fact that I can't see this situation wouldn't make me anxious.

I think about we were as, as we were saying at the beginning together, giving our TED Talks, and by any measure, that's a situation that causes people to feel anxious, right? You have to memorize a speech and you're getting up there in front of a group of people and you're being videoed and you know, that causes anxiety.

But for you. There's so many added layers of that anxiety. 

Laura Bratton: So perfect example would be, I'm worried about all of the things you mentioned of memorizing or, you know, just becoming comfortable with the, the bullet points we wanna make sure and make and the audience and the video.

But yeah, then there's that added stress of, I need a podium because of just my balance issues with the blindness. I need a podium. Other people don't need a podium. So for a while, needing those different accommodations, I felt like that was a weakness. I felt like, oh my gosh, that I'm not good enough because I need a podium because other speakers don't, and other speakers can walk up and down the stage.

I fall off the stage if I do that, that's not a good idea. So for a long time I viewed that as a weakness. And thankfully just through the process of time and experience and mentors, realizing that's not a weakness that I need a podium. That just is who I am and that's just [00:27:00] what I need. And being comfortable with that and being confident in that.

Jessica Fein: How do you get that confidence? 

Laura Bratton: Time, time and going back to the grit of those around me, so the time and experience, but also those around me that. Just the fact that you have a podium and you're, you know, just lightly touching it so you have a reference point that doesn't take away from the message that people are receiving as you're speaking.

They're not sitting there saying, okay, so you have a podium that other speakers don't. I'm not gonna listen to your message. They're not looking at that as a weakness as I was. 

Jessica Fein: In fact, I, I would submit that you are a more believable speaker. Because of what you said about just the life experience. Others than relate.

Laura Bratton: Yeah. And so I had to learn that and accept that. 

Jessica Fein: you've invited public speaking into your life in a major way. 

Laura Bratton: Yes. [00:28:00] I love it because for me, just like we talked about the, the grief and the moving forward, the grief with the grit and gratitude, that's my opportunity.

To literally publicly say, this is what helps me to navigate, also use it. Let me empower you to also use this great and graduate as you grieve whatever your life experience is, so you can also use this foundation. 

Jessica Fein: So I come to you and I say, listen, hey, I just got this diagnosis, or my kid just got this diagnosis, or, you know, such and such happened to me and I have no idea how to move forward.

And you say, ah, grit and gratitude is a terrific formula. And then I probably say, I don't know how to even summon grit and gratitude. I don't, you know, how do you coach people and advise people? How they can use your formula to move forward amidst life altering challenges. [00:29:00] 

Laura Bratton: So the first step is to acknowledge the grief.

So acknowledge you've received this diagnosis, your child's received this diagnosis, you've just lost this job. You know your house has just been destroyed. Acknowledge what is. Acknowledge that it's okay to grieve. Okay? Just giving permission to feel the loss, to feel that grief. Then moving in to the grit of, okay, in this diagnosis of you, your child, what needs to be done in the next hour, in the next six hours, in the next 12 hours.

So, coaching people to take it situation by situation, by situation, rather than trying to tackle the whole future in one day. Because that's overwhelming and that's not realistic. We can't accomplish that. So literally supporting people and coaching people by breaking it down into piece by [00:30:00] piece by piece, situation, by situation by situation.

Jessica Fein: Okay, so that is the grief. We're acknowledging the grief. Yes. We're getting bite-sized pieces. Things we can accomplish. And then what happens? 

Laura Bratton: So those bite-sized pieces are building blocks and those all build on each other. So accomplishing your goal half the day, and then that half a day leads into full day, and that full day leads into, you know, 36 hours, just allowing those blocks to build on each other.

That builds a strength, the tenacity, and then the gratitude is slowly woven in. Has the grit developed? So initially when working with someone, I don't just say, okay, so ghatcha grateful for? Right? Let's listen for gratitude because that's not real. That's not our human experience. So once that grit has been built up, then we [00:31:00] can slowly weave in the gratitude.

And a lot of times the gratitude starts by me pointing out to someone. Oh my gosh. Look what you've just been through the past week and you survived. It's harder to see it from your own perspective. So just when I point out those little markers of accomplishment and point out those moments of gratitude, that helps the person start to recognize the gratitude within themselves.

Jessica Fein: Yeah, and I think it's so important. I mean, gratitude is such an interesting one because we know that a sense of gratitude, identifying specific things that you are grateful for actually changes your brain wiring. You become a happier person. Literally. 

Laura Bratton: Literally, literally. It's, yeah. It changes our neuro pathways, and so we feed our brain with that gratitude.

It changes our perspective. And so what I've found in working with so many different people, it's very [00:32:00] hard for all of us to give ourselves credit for what we've done well or the the strength that we have had in difficult times. So that's how I found pointing it out to people is the first step in that gratitude.

Me pointing it out to someone is easier for them to say, oh yeah, you're right. Yes. Then, you know, that's such a good point. 

Jessica Fein: I think we all need a gratitude buddy. You know? Yes. We're all supposed to these gratitude journals. Right. And we're supposed to say Every night. Or every morning, I'm grateful this and that.

But it's very hard and we should each have a gratitude buddy. Yes. And then we could tell each other what to be grateful for. Yes. 

Laura Bratton: And a lot of my coaching is not me telling people what to do. It's me pointing out to others what they've done themselves. Helping them recognize, oh my gosh, look what you did today.

You made that call for, to schedule that next MRI. That was impossible for you to do. You felt like it was impossible yesterday, but you made the appointment [00:33:00] today. That took courage to pick up the phone and call and make that appointment. So again, so much of my work is pointing out to others what they've just done, what they've just accomplished, the strength that they've just had.

Jessica Fein: Who do you turn to when you need somebody to be your gratitude buddy and tell you what to be grateful for? 

Laura Bratton: Super, super, super close friends. Close friends, and close members are absolutely. My rock and my anchor that I can call and say, okay, I'm not feeling grateful today. And I'll even say to them, sometimes I'll just say, I'm not feeling grateful and I don't want you to tell me anything to be grateful for.

Jessica Fein: But I think that's important too, right? 'cause sometimes we don't wanna be cheered up. We want somebody to say, yeah, right. It sucks.

Laura Bratton: Yes, exactly. I mean, I'll literally say that. Don't tell me to be grateful for whatever, whatever. Just sit with me in the pain. Like I'll say to my close friends and family members all the time.

Just sit with me and this is really, really hard and I'm down right now and just sit with [00:34:00] me and being down. Don't try to tear me up. We'll do that tomorrow or whenever, but tonight. Just be down with me and give you that permission to be down. 

Jessica Fein: That is one of the best examples of advocating for yourself, right?

Laura Bratton: Yes, yes, 

Jessica Fein: What do people get wrong about you? 

Laura Bratton: Exactly what you just said. They assume I never have those down days that I'm always positive. I'm always grateful that I'm always super optimistic. I think forgetting the other side that humanist, that I'm still human. There are days when I'm so down, when I don't want to figure out how to navigate, how to adapt, how to adjust when I'm exhausted by that.

How do you do it? Question. That's exhausting because that makes me other. So yeah, absolutely. Just that, not acknowledging that I have the down times and give yourself permission. To grieve and just have [00:35:00] those down days. If I could rewind to those early high school days being super positive, always thinking about the good and not acknowledging the bad actually made my healing much harder and slower because I didn't have the permission to grieve.

I didn't give myself the permission just to sit in the difficulty. That would be the main message. The main takeaway is that give yourself the permission to sit in the hard and that the hard that is. 

Jessica Fein: I'm so glad that you bring that up and, and I think it's important for us all to recognize that there are a lot of kinds of grief.

That come without the death of somebody. Right. And it took me a long time to learn that. Right. Yeah. I mean, for a long time I was like, I'm not gonna grieve, you know, let's say for my daughter 'cause she's here. And there was a lot to grieve. The loss of the ability to speak or to eat or to be a quote unquote typical kid or to breathe independently.[00:36:00] 

I mean, there was an awful lot to grieve. I think that for so many of us, we believe grief comes with, you know, a funeral. And that is not always the case. There's no shortage of things to grieve over. And it is okay to grieve and what you're saying is it's not only okay, but it's actually important.

Laura Bratton: It's actually, yeah. It's actually healing. It's, it is the tool that allows us to move forward. 

Jessica Fein: And it is not something that we need to think about getting through. It's not a checkbox, right? Just like your mentor said to you all those years ago, it's not something that you're gonna do and then move on from and move forward.

It's with you in a changed shape, 

Laura Bratton: You're not finished with it and, and that's okay. 

Jessica Fein: Where did you come up with the idea of harnessing courage? What does that mean to you? The title of your book? “Harnessing Courage.” 

Laura Bratton: Several things. Harness is the literal. With Jira and then my second guide dog [00:37:00] not just them, but the dog wears the harness that goes around, obviously them, and that the person who's blind holds the handle of the harness to literally move forward. So I was using that word harness to then. Couple, that physical harnessing with that action of it took courage and still takes courage every single day to move forward.

So the harnessing courage and the grit and gratitude perfectly go together for my just wellbeing every single day. 

Jessica Fein: Laura, thank you. I think no matter what each of us is going through, grit, gratitude, acknowledging grief, harnessing courage, those are things that can help every single one of us. So thank you for sharing all of this with us today.

Laura Bratton: Absolutely. And thank you for the opportunity.

Jessica Fein: Here are my takeaways from the conversation with Laura. Number one, break challenges into bite-sized pieces. When life throws something [00:38:00] overwhelming your way. Don't try to tackle the whole future at once. Focus on what needs to be done in the next hour or the next day, and let those small victories build on each other.

Number two, find a gratitude buddy. We all need somebody who can point out what we should be grateful for when we can't see it ourselves. Number three, strength comes from advocating for yourself as Laura learned at Princeton. Asking for what you need is not a weakness. It's a strength that builds confidence and changes the way other people see you.

Number four, grit does not mean you need to go it alone. On days when your own determination runs dry, lean on the grit of those around you. Number five. Remember that grief is ongoing. Like Laura's mentor told her, grief is not a checkbox, and for that matter, there are no orderly five stages of grief.

Grief is a companion that changes shape throughout your life. Acknowledging this can help you integrate it and move forward. Number six, your struggles make you relatable. Your challenges are not just obstacles. They're credentials that allow others to trust and connect with you. [00:39:00] And number seven balances everything.

The magic formula isn't just grit or just gratitude. It's the dance between them that creates a foundation for moving forward. Thank you so much for being here with me and listening to the show. If you have not yet checked out my website, jessicafeinstories.com. Check it out. There are some big announcements that are gonna be coming soon and that will be a great place to see them.

Or sign up for my substack, “Fein by Me.” And remember, it's Jessica Fein. F like Frank, EIN. If you haven't yet subscribed to the show, subscribing, liking and following it are the best ways to ensure that other people find the show and we continue to grow. Have a great day. Talk to you next time.