Are we really raising entitled kids? Right now, we're approaching the busiest time of the holiday season. We're preparing treats, gifts, parties, planning vacations. And there's a worry that nags many parents. Are we raising kids who are entitled? And this worry comes up not just right now with all the commercialism of the holiday season, but all throughout the year.
Everywhere we turn, there are social media posts, parenting books. And expert talks that warn us about an entire generation growing up with a sense of entitlement. But how much of this is perception? And how much is reality? And what can we do as parents to prevent this? Here on the episode of the Discerning Parenting podcast, we talk about entitled kids, what we can do about them, and I talk about the one thing that we need to develop in our kids to prevent this entitlement mentality.
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I'm sure all of us can think of times that we encountered people who acted in a way that we perceive as entitled. Maybe they talked back to us or answered us in a way that we think is rude, cut in front of us in line, and complained about something that we worked hard to do. And if we think about it, Maybe we can recall instances that these happened with people belonging to different generations.
So we can think of examples when people from the older generations acted quote unquote entitled and people from the younger generations acted quote unquote entitled. And I'm sure we can think of even more examples of kindness and consideration from people of different generations too. So how much of this "entitlement mentality" is perception and how much of it is reality?
And is this entitlement Belonging to the younger generation? Well, research suggests that what we call entitled, that entitled label being slapped on the younger generations, may just be a perception. Because what one person calls entitled, maybe, in someone else's viewpoint, Standing up for what is right and fair.
For example, where I am, it's quite common that those of the older generations are ushered to the front of the lines without having to wait. So, this happens in some establishments, but in other establishments, this doesn't happen, and everybody, regardless of age, will need to wait in line. Now, I've been in one of these establishments where everybody has to wait in line regardless of age, and then there was an elderly person who Was cutting in front of me in line, and we were already in a hurry because my son was already hungry and we had to go to the bathroom also.
And when I spoke respectfully and said that, I'm sorry, is it all right if we go ahead and we were in a hurry? She told me that, no I have to be here in line. I'm not supposed to wait in line, so I have to go ahead of you. Now, if you look at that situation, who would be entitled? Am I entitled?
Am I one of the entitled younger generation who did not want to give in to somebody cutting in? Am I entitling my son because we were already in line for nearly 30 minutes and I didn't want him to wait in line longer? Is it that other person who is entitled because she expected to be allowed to cut in line, even if that place didn't have that policy.
Well, some people argue all places should have that policy where elderly people do not need to fall in line and I guess depending on where in the world you're listening to. For some of you, it may be just, oh, yes, of course, elderly people should never be made to wait in line, while in other places, you may say that you should be able to wait in line regardless of your age.
Well, this is an able-bodied elderly person, so it's not somebody who, who needed special assistance. Anyway. So I guess in situations like that, it depends on the perception and what one person calls entitled, maybe in somebody else's viewpoint, standing up for what is right and fair.
But we do want our kids to grow into individuals who consider the wider world beyond themselves and their own experiences. And that's why I'd like to talk about something so important and yet so underrated that most people don't even think about it. And that is perspective-taking. Now perspective taking, it's not just one skill, but it's many skills put together.
Also, it's not just something we teach. Our kids develop overnight, but it happens in stages as your child grows. It starts with a baby realizing that he or she is separate from mommy because when babies are born, they may feel like they're an extension of their mom or their primary caregiver. And when they start realizing they're a separate person, that is the first step towards perspective-taking.
And then later on, toddlers and young kids gradually realize that others may have thoughts and feelings different from theirs. And part of this is understanding that there is such a thing as a thought and a feeling, and these thoughts and feelings can influence how we behave. So this is something that Sounds obvious to us, but young kids need to learn this.
Now think back to the most recent power struggle you observed. Was it a sibling fight? Or a disagreement over how to spend the weekend? Or a child knocking over a tower of blocks? That's what Two playmates built together and then the child will shout and then they will insist on the right way of building that block tower.
Chances are with these power struggles, we know that They involve being unregulated emotionally, but they also involve a difficulty in perspective-taking. This means that the child may have difficulty understanding the viewpoint of the other people in the situation. And this is an important thing that they need to learn.
When someone can understand different viewpoints instead of solely focusing on their own needs, that's when they can be more flexible and handle frustration better. So here are three things we can do as parents to help our kids develop this essential skill. First, We need to model it. We need to model perspective-taking.
Kids learn by observing us. They see how we listen when someone shares their feelings or their struggles. They see how we consider what others are thinking or feeling, and even how we act towards them when they are feeling bad. How do we react to it? How do we respond to it? At the same time, we can also share our feelings struggles, and stories.
And together with our kids, we can reflect on the things that we appreciate, the things we're grateful for. Let's talk about the acts of kindness that we experience, let's share with them how other people might feel in different situations. The second is, to let's help them explore diverse experiences. Now, these can be in-person experiences.
These can also be through books, we can let our kids experience diverse cultures traditions, and perspectives. And this can show them a different worldview and way of life. And it can also foster an appreciation for differences. And I am always an advocate of both. Neurodiversity and cultural diversity, and I'm an advocate of not forcing everybody to fit the same mold, but rather to appreciate that we do need these differences and these differences make this world a richer place.
These are also things that we can share with our kids. So let's show them books that highlight people of different abilities, people from different cultures. And in-person experiences, whether it's by going to places or bringing them to places where they can experience and meet people who might have different ways of life or different viewpoints.
And it's also important to show them that different people can experience the same thing in different ways, and we can have different feelings. And for young kids. An example of a set of books that I love is the Feeling All My Feelings series by Kim T. S., whom we featured in our episode, Helping Your Child Handle Big Feelings.
For example, in her book, Feeling All My Fear, there's a part where the book shows kids that what is scary for one person might not be scary for someone else. And that's okay. And it's the book shows the child that you can be scared of something and others won't think that that is scary. The book even goes on to show what kids can do to communicate their fear in a way that is proactive and respectful.
And the third strategy is to practice it through play. Now play is a great way to practice perspective-taking. If you have a preschooler, they love to do pretend play already, so when they pretend to be mommy, daddy, or a sibling, they are putting themselves in someone else's shoes in a fun and non-threatening way.
And this helps them practice perspective-taking and even find creative solutions to conflicts. So, whether it's during this holiday season or the rest of the year we look out for it. We'll see many ways that our kids are showing perspective and we can appreciate them for it. And when they are showing perspective-taking, we know that they are on their way towards becoming people who are not entitled, but rather show consideration for others.
And I'm sure you've had these experiences or something similar. Like when you've had a bad day, then your child will wrap arms around you and say, Mama, are you feeling grumpy? Or maybe when they express concern about a friend who is sick and must be sad about missing the party. Or even those cute questions we get like, Doesn't Santa get tired of delivering presents to every kid around the world?
And that's how we know that our kids aren't entitled like the fearmongers say they are. Rather, they're doing the best they can to navigate the world given where they are developmentally. And at Discerning Parenting, we are here to show you. We're here to support you as you show them how. So head over to discerningparenting.
com slash toolkit and get our free parenting toolkit. We've just added a new guide about cultivating gratitude, and this has a story that you can share with your toddler or preschooler. Already we've had wonderful feedback from parents who enjoyed sharing this with their kids. 📍 So be sure to head over to discerningparenting.com/toolkit. We'll also link to this in the show notes and follow the Discerning Parenting podcast. We have more episodes about mindful parenting and other pressing parenting issues coming up in our future episodes.