Navigating Self-Sabotage and Triggers during the holiday season

In this week’s episode, we dive into the challenges of the holiday season. We are exploring self-sabotage, triggers, and the narratives we craft. From overeating to family triggers, we uncover the stories we tell ourselves and how they impact our reality. Discover powerful strategies to shift these narratives, rewriting a new story and forging a transformed reality. Tune in for empowering insights on navigating self-sabotage and triggers during this festive time.

Just for my listeners, I am opening up early black Friday access to- The Be Your Own Muse program! Normally $555 but you will get it for $297 plus my new program- Tap into your power dating masterclass for FREE! 

All you have to do is message me on Instagram and let me know you listened to this episode and I will personally send you the discount code! 

Click here to message me- https://www.instagram.com/_maria.fuentes_/

You will learn how to:

Be your own muse program! 

• To get back to your true authentic self 
• Break up with your limiting beliefs and everything that holds you back! 
• Recognize, interrupt and rewire patterns that keep you stuck. 
• Create a clear vision for what YOU truly desire and start co-creating. 
• Use the energy of transformation to become a powerful magnet to everything you want. 

What you'll get:

-Lifetime access to current modules and future modules that will be added
-Worksheets to work through the modules
- Bonus EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) Tapping

Because it’s time to unleash the MUSE within you!


***BONUS TAP INTO YOUR POWER MASTERCLASS***

4 videos crafted for effortless replay in your dating journey

What you’ll learn:

-No more need, scarcity, or staying trapped in the past.

-Get clear and concise on what YOU truly want

-Unleash your desires for the life & man you want.

-Say NO to what doesn't align.

-Weaving out what’s not for you + protecting your energy

-Maintain high standards and expectations.

-Be the one or the one that got away!

Transcript

0:00

For years, I struggled with toxic relationships and understanding my own emotions. I found myself repeating the same cycles with different people and living in victimhood. I am Maria, your host, and I specialize in self mastery coaching. I've spent the last few years working with various therapists in order to heal my own traumas and help others. This podcast is your dedicated resource for gaining emotional intelligence, nurturing self awareness, and cultivating healthy relationships. If you're prepared to master your emotions, improve your relationships, and create captivating self confidence, Then this podcast is for you. Thank you for listening and welcome to this week's episode. Hey guys, welcome to this week's episode. I'm so excited to be sitting here. It is rainy and Florida and kind of chilly. It feels like false trying to get in, but it's not truly fall yet, but the humidity is still there and I've been traveling back and forth. If you follow me on social media, you know that I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend that lives in North Carolina. So I go back and forth and travel a lot. We're actually going to California next week, which I'm super excited. About by the time you listened to this? I think I will be in California, so I will have some fall weather and I'm excited for that, but it feels good to just sit here and speak to you guys. I love having guests on my podcast, but it also feels really good to just sit here just you and I. Well right now, it's just me, you and dusty. My cat. That's sitting behind me. He loves to sit behind me. It's like the craziest thing. He just, whenever I'm sitting on my desk, he wants to sit behind me, which I guess is kind of good because it gives me a better posture. hE runs my whole world. Anyways, let's get started on this week's episode. I wanted to make this very purposely because it's that time of the year where a lot of us start falling off and we overeat, we overindulge we over drink. Uh, trigger start coming up, you know, family members. One of our biggest triggers for the most part and people we might not love, we'll have to be around and people that we might not even like, we'll have to be around. So I wanted to purposely. Talk about this episode and just to give you guys some self-awareness and to wear. Your own kind of self-defeating behaviors may lie. And what kind of cycles you stay stuck in and what kind of loops you stay stuck in? Earlier this year, I went to a spiritual retreat and we sat with plant medicine. And don't worry, this isn't going to be a podcast about plant medicine. The story has a purpose. So bear with me. And when we were there before we sat with the plan medicine, they told us that the shamans told us that people. Uh, giving us a plant medicine, let us know that we will get stuck in loops sometimes. And that was my first time that ever heard the word, like loop in our mind, getting stuck in a loop. And sure enough, you know, when you're on any psychedelics or any sort of plant medicine that could happen because your brain is going to try to grasp onto something that it knows it's opening up new doors, new consciousness. So it's going to try to hold onto something that it might recognize or know, or maybe something you've been holding onto. That's going to get stuck there because it can't really comprehend it. But I realized that after the retreat. We do this all the time. We don't need a psychedelic. We don't need a plant medicine to be stuck in loops. Most of us actually operate in loops. I also remember one of the very first motivational speakers that I listened to, which was Tony Robbins. He said, what is your flavor of suffering? And that was so profound for me because I was like, oh man, what is my flavor of suffering? What is it? That is my what's. My go-to. This is my drama. This is my trauma. This is my cycle. This is my loop. This is my story. And so let's dive deeper and kind of open up what the loop looks like. And you you're probably resonate with this because we all get stuck in loops. And most of us, like I said, live in a loop, so. Uh, loop is something that you keep replaying over and over and over and over again in your head. It's a story you're telling yourself for most of us is our negative self-belief for most of us is life isn't fair. This happened to me. That happened to me. This person treats me poorly. That person doesn't care. My job sucks. Sometimes it's very negative. We get stuck in negative loops and we will stay there because we don't know any better. Our brain tries really hard to keep us there because that feels safe for most of us. We didn't have a very safe, loving, caring, nurturing, emotionally stable home. Right? Maybe you had one of those things, but not all of those things. Maybe you had an emotionally stable home, but you moved around a lot. There's always something in our childhood that triggers these things for us. So as we keep growing and we keep evolving, we kind of compound all these things have happened through out. Our lives. And so that is a loop that we've created the negative. Self-talk that negative self-belief that we've created, that this has now become our story. This has become a part of our identity. We kind of identify to the cycles and the loops that we keep replaying in our own heads, because we feel like that is safe. Because we haven't recreated ourselves because we haven't stepped into a new version of ourselves. We haven't opened ourselves up to a new reality, a new dimension where the old you doesn't exist anymore. The old you was just there to teach you lessons. And so when we can continuously choose to stay stuck in this paradigm of. This happens to me. I don't have any. Choice in life. I don't have, I can't really do anything to get myself out of the situation. I am stuck. We continue to reinforce our brain in that loop that we are indeed stuck. Right? We are indeed there and we'll never get out of there. And so when let's talk about relationships, now there you're going to be around people. You're going to be. Around family members. It might trigger you people that you might not like, what story have you played out in your head over and over again? About this person, because some people change, some people don't and some people might have hurt you in. Regretted it. And some people might've done things to you and ever even noticed, maybe you never even told them. But take some inventory of what role have you played in those relationships in that toxic relationship? In that relationship with those and feel really good or what that family member that maybe there's been some miscommunication. Can you clear up the air? Can you shift? That dynamic. Can you make it a new reality? Going into the holidays can be really triggering for us because we feel out of control. And when our brains in fight or flight, when our brain feels out of control, fear is going to kick in and it's going to keep, keep you in doing more of the same, but we get to choose how we react to that fear. But we have to acknowledge it first and have that self-awareness. And this is where these conversations come into play. And this is where. Having this moment of self-awareness before you step into any situation that, you know, might be triggering, they, you know, it's going to push you out of your comfort zone that you know is going to. Bring up emotions that you might not like the ma not. Enjoy. That's where true change starts. It's knowing where you've gotten stuck before and what loops you've been stuck before. And understanding the, you don't have to stay stuck there anymore. You get to choose to move away from me. You get to choose to experience a new holiday season. Have a different relationship with those around you. And with yourself and let's talk about the self-sabotage. A lot of us are especially women. If we're listening to those where like, oh my gosh, There's an underlying anxiety, a little bit around the holidays because there's a lot of foods. There's extra calories. There's. Outfits. We have to think about there's things we have to do. There's. Extra pressure of us on us too. You know, maybe entertain to take care of the kids, to, you know, schedule pictures, holiday pictures, do all these extra things that kind of oh, or buy gifts. Right? Most women in relationships or in marriages, you're buying all the gifts for everyone. You're the one doing it all. So there's this extra pressure. And extra anxiety in that time. But again, Start having some self-awareness too. Where is it in the holiday season that you start feeling stressed out? Because this should be a time that we all feel. Happy joyous free. Cozy, you know, like really warm, like this should be a feel good type of time in your life. And if you're feeling anything. Other than that, ask yourself where you're going down south. And again, most of us. Are most of us feel out of control and things. So we start grasping or we start saying, yes, we want to be nice. We want to do things for other people. We want to overextend. So we are act, we are choosing all these different actions that eventually is going to burn us out, is going to keep us exhausted. It's going to keep, keep us in this loop that we've been in every single year. That you're the one that they go to. You're the one that they asked for. You're the one, you're the one. You're the one. And then you're going to burn out and you're going to be excited that the holidays are over. And that is kind of sad. Like that's a sad way to see those joyous time. So. In your own relationship with yourself, how can you show up for yourself right now? How can you say no to things that don't really matter to you? Do you really need, like if you start analyzing and taking inventory of what are some things that stress you out, that you have no joy in, maybe it is scheduling that yearly family session for photographs. And you're like, It's just so stressful. I have to worry about what to wear, or maybe it's entertaining. You see us to the Christmas Eve party every year, everyone comes to your house. And every year, a super stressful you don't enjoy it. You don't love it. Maybe it's you have Thanksgiving at your house, whatever it is, right. You've said yes to it. It's an expectation that people have on you. But right now, where at, in life it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel align to you. You don't want to do it. Where can you start saying no and setting those boundaries and getting out of that toxic cycle that you've created. Within your own life because you haven't set those boundaries and you've been okay with people kind of dictating where it is that you put your energy on. So when we started to re-upping these patterns, one or two things start to happen, things start getting a little messy and that's usually what happens. People start getting mad at us. We set these boundaries, but they come off really strong and really mean, and really angry because we're not really stable in our own emotion. So what we're setting these boundaries, we're still kind of angry and we're like, you made me do this last year. So this year I'm not going to do this and I'm not going to do that. And. We do it in an angry way. And so we create a little more drama, but to me that's even better because at least you're not staying stuck. You're, there's a new shift of energy. It might not be the most positive, but it's okay because we're learning, we're taking steps. We're taking. Leaps we're taking strides. We're moving that energy. We're starting a new paradigm when you shift in reality. And, or the other thing could be that you are. By some miracle of God, graciously moving through your emotions and understanding and able to articulate them and talk about them to other people and be vulnerable every single time and be perfect. So. That was the least likely to happen because we're humans and we're all full of emotions. But understanding ourselves is the most important thing because when we do set those boundaries and. And I don't know how many times I'm going to say, you know, it is the most important thing, but we do have to understand ourselves because. When we set those boundaries and it isn't an angry way. There's going to be a moment in time where we have to say, wait, wait a minute. I could have said that better. I could have done that better. I should have maybe not done or set it that way. I could have done this better. And then you go up to that person and you're vulnerable. And. Because it wasn't perfect. The first time doesn't mean that you can make it right the second time doesn't mean you can come back around and shift that energy and do something different. So really take an analysis and analysis on where it is that you are getting stuck in these cycles. And with the eating thing, I want to talk about eating a little bit. I actually have a really great friend that I just made. She's a psychologist, but she specializes in. Emotional eating and I can't wait to have her on here. I haven't asked her yet. I'm just assuming she's going to be on my podcast. She will I'm sure do it with, with all the love and come on here and talk about it. But. When we feel out of control, we will over-drink sometimes we will use food to escape numb. We'll use different things. And if you already know that this is your. M O if you know that this is something that you struggle with, it's something I struggle with. Most of the time in the past, I would feel stressed out and I would overeat or drink or both. And now I have to really check in with myself and I'm going to give you some stories here, or I'll give you a story. So you can kind of see where, where that moment in time needs to happen for you to change how you show up with yourself when it comes to that self sabotaging behavior. When it comes to overdrinking, when. It comes to wanting to numb. There is a moment in time where somatically in your body. You can feel the tension. You can feel the stress, you can feel the anxiety. But bubbling up and you will want to reach for more food or reach for the drink or do something that's going to escape the reality and the uncomfortableness that you feel in your body. And at that very moment is where you have to physically pause, go to the bathroom, go hide out in the closet. Do whatever. Do some tapping do take some deep breaths. And rewire. That is a moment where you rewire. Those old patterns, you break them and you rewire them. And for me, EFT works so well because I've even realized recently when I, I stopped drinking for a little while. Again, I detoxed. And I went back to drinking and I started feeling a lot of shame and guilt when I was drinking. Because I knew that the next day I was going to feel disappointed in myself. And what happens is when we set these goals of, okay, I'm going to detox my body because I don't want to drink right now. And this feels good to just detox and I'm going to be good and I'm going to be confident. And then you hit a week. You had two weeks, you're like, yes, I'm building confidence. I'm building confidence. I'm doing great. You know, you're eating healthy, you're doing all these things. Then you have a cheat meal or a glass of wine, or you decide, okay, I'm going to have a glass of wine today. If you don't do it with enough discernment, okay, I'm going to have this and enjoy it. And I'm not going to feel shame or guilt after this. Uh, those emotions are going to bubble up. And it's in those times in those periods where you have to stop in your tracks. And recently, like I was saying, I just did this because I was literally having a glass of wine and I can feel the shame and the guilt that I was going to start feeling coming up and I tapped it out. And I said to myself, I am not the old Maria, because old Maria used to numb herself with wine and drinking. So now when things happen, I don't go and grab the glass of wine. I don't go for that. I feel out my emotions. I cry it out. I journal, I tap, I somatically move that energy around. I. Get that pain, that suffering, whatever it is and I'm feeling. And I repurpose it. I alchemize it into something else. I'm learning where to put that energy instead of wanting to numb it, because it felt so uncomfortable. But deep down inside and subconsciously my brain is like shame, guilt. You're drinking again. That means that you are out of control and you're numbing again, because I used to be the old Maria. So I even just recently had to tap through this and tell myself. A glass or two of wine when I'm feeling good about myself and I'm not looking to numb is absolutely. Okay. I am not going to fame. I'm not going to feel shame and guilt over this. I am not going to stop myself from enjoying. A glass or two of wine. And I do the same thing sometimes when I eat, because I don't want to feel guilty for eating it. Shame and guilt are really heavy emotions that if we don't learn to work through. They will deteriorate us inside. When we feel shame and guilt, we will do things based on those emotions. And they're never positive. When we feel shame and guilt, we feel bad about ourselves. We feel the worst. We feel like we've let ourselves down. Other people down. We don't feel good as human beings. So we have to learn to work through the shame and guilt. In a very healthy way so that we can. Repurpose that energy and transform it into something positive. And what I mean by that. Because I'm sure you're listening to this and you're like, okay, great, Maria Wall. I'll go tap, whatever that means, but that doesn't really help me. How do I transform this energy, this pain, or this shame and this guilt? What is the story you have attached to it? Like I just said. For me in the past was I knew I would reach for a glass of wine or over eat when I felt anxious and sad. And Matt or any heavy emotion I couldn't process. So my story was. After I wouldn't clean for a year almost. And I started working on myself. I had to make a alcoholic, the evil thing in my life. And that if I drank it, I would just be the old version of myself. And that repulsed me. There was a lot of shame that I had from being that person that. Would drink that would do those things. She was a little overweight. She had done all these things. She drank, she screamed, she yelled. She, when she was drunk, she didn't have any emotional regulation. There was a lot of shame that came from that feeling. So now. I can carry that shame with me. So I had to analyze what is a story that I'm telling myself and how can I alchemize that pain and that suffering into something positive. Okay. So the pain and the suffering was. I used to numb and I feel shame now because when I drank a little too much, I feel shame. Like I'm stepping backward. Like I'm going backwards in life. Like I'm not doing what I said I would do. It's a story I'm telling myself is you're going to just be like your old self. You're going to be like the old Maria you're going, you're stepping right back into who you were. And that's not true. That is a story that I'm telling myself my real truth and who I am is that I'm evolving and I'm growing and I'm showing myself 99% of the time that I am a person that I can. Be confident in I'm a person that I can rely on for myself. I am a person that's changing and evolving consistently. But our brains are gonna are going to try to grasp on to the small times that we do mess up, that we do say the wrong thing, that we hurt somebody that we act. That we don't act on our best behavior that we might do something that we're ashamed of and feel then we'll feel guilty about it. So I start alchemizing that energy by learning that the story you're telling yourself is not true. And then having compassion for yourself is how you shift that around. You have compassion for yourself. You tell yourself you're not that old person, but how far you come, you, you look at the things that you've shifted and changed in the last few weeks, in the last few months where you've become the last few years. And you start having compassion for yourself. And you say in the big scheme of things, does it really matter that I just had a glass of wine or two of mine or that I had a bottle of, right. Like, oh my gosh, I had barely drank, but I had a bottle today in the big scheme of things. It does not matter. So you start having compassion for yourself and empathy. You. Another way to see it. If you have kids ask yourself, as somebody told your kid, Because you drop that again on the floor. You, you spilled your milk all over it and you're should be ashamed of yourself. You are the worst human being ever. Is that true? Is that honestly true? If somebody were to say that to you, your kid, you would say absolutely not. Don't ever speak to my child like that again. He has no reason to feel guilty. But yet we do it to ourselves. So when you start having compassion and empathy for yourself, You start shifting and changing that energy. And after you've shifted and changed that energy. Now you will, before you have a drink, Before you do anything, ask yourself. Will I feel shame or guilt if I do this. And if the answer is yes, then don't do it. Do not engage in it. If the answer is no, I can have compassion for myself and I can overcome that because I just did it the other day. Then do it. When we go into things, not knowing if we will feel shame or guilt or disappointment in ourselves. We will stay in a vicious cycle in that way, we will do something, feel the shame, feel the guilt, and then do it again and do it again because we're in this toxic cycle of shame and guilt. Shame and guilt is probably one of the most or the most intense. And I hate using the word negative emotions, but they are pretty negative because they will keep you stuck. It's like they suck you in and they will hold you there for as long as they want, unless you're able to break out of that. And you have to really look at your mind as something completely outside of you doing this and getting stuck in this loop. And that's where plant medicine and breathing and meditation and all these things are so good for our brains because it gets us out of our brain. We get to see your thoughts as an outsider. We get to see it as in a bird's eye view. And we realize that we're not our thoughts. Our thoughts are just there and we can be a witness to them, or we can let them really. Come and affect us. So. Just have some, self-awareness ask yourself those questions. Go tap it out. Take a few deep breaths. If somebody triggers you, if something comes up. And ask yourself when things come up, why is this triggering me? What can I learn from this? Become a student of life. Become like the reason I became a self-mastery coach. It's not because I ever feel like there's going to be an end game to. Us being masters of our lives and going around life. Perfect. I truly believe that if you're a master at anything, it's a life. Long commitment to mastering it. And when we see life, as we get to be students of life, learn their lessons, learn that things that come with it. We truly become a really powerful source. Of energy. And other people can feel that. So you'll start seeing, like, even if you go into a party before you go into a holiday party or see your family, if you really tap in some emotions, tapping on those triggers and tell yourself. I'm not going to act like I've had before. If somebody says something I'm not going to take it personally, I realized that anything anyone says is a reflection of them. Not me. And you really kind of mentor yourself for before you get into these situations, you know, trigger you, your energy around those people are going to be so different and you're going to feel. So much better, and they're going to feel that energy and they're going to treat you differently. You're shifting, you're growing, you're changing the paradigms, your excluding a different energy and people can feel that energy is not something we can explain. It's something we feel. And a lot of us. Want to feel that good energy, but we don't know how to get there. It's conversations like this as podcasts like this is opening up your mind. It's opening up your subconscious, that the gets. Us to that point. So I know I rambled on and this was kind of a messy podcast, but I hope that you got some tangibles out of this. This is something I really truly enjoy working in doing with people and being able to have that awareness, that reflection. And figuring out where those triggers come from, where your negative self beliefs are and rewiring all that. And having compassion for yourself and building. Momentum from that building confidence from that and stepping into your true power. And it's what I teach in my evergreen masterclass program. Be your own muse? The reason I named it bureau and muse because I truly believe that we could all become our own source of inspiration. We can look outside of ourselves for inspiration, but when we can truly cultivate it within ourselves. That's where true magic happens elsewhere. Magnetizing confidence happens. That's where you could have a few glasses of wine or drink or eat a little too much or go through a heartbreaker. Get fired from your job or your kids get mad at you and tell you that you're the worst mom and nothing shakes you to your core. It might hurt, but you realize what that pain does. You realize the lessons, you understand the lessons you all comprise a, you move on. You re-energize yourself and you shift into a new reality. You shift into a new paradigm of your, of your thoughts. I help you get unstuck from those loops and those cycles. So I'm so passionate about that program. And actually, if you're listening to this. I will be on black Friday giving you guys a huge discount on this program. It's normally$555 and I'm going to be selling it for 2 97. With a bonus, a huge bonus. You guys are gonna hear it here first. I haven't even said what the bonus is on Instagram yet at this point, I don't think, but you're going to get my tap into your power dating masterclass with it. I think dating is so hard. And a lot of us feel so much anxiety when we date. And I really teach you how to step into your power. Get out of this scarcity that need mentality. Get really clear and concise on the person that you want. I give you ways to just filter out what doesn't work for. You say no. Really hone into your energy step into your power and then keep your demands and your standards high. It is like one of the most exciting courses I've created and I'm giving it away for free. When you buy the bureau and muse program. There'll be your own muse program for me is the masterclass that is going to not only be evergreen, which means I will give you lifetime access to, but I will always continue. Growing and evolving it because becoming our own muse is an ever evolving thing. Just like being a master of our emotions, our confidence, our relationships. So when you buy this program, you're buying lifetime access to that program and everything else that I add on to it, plus you're getting a free dating masterclass. So even if you're not dating or you're in a relationship gift, the masterclass, the dating masterclass. Or hold it for a rainy day, you know, in case the relationship doesn't work out, or I still think that you can learn from it, even if you're in a relationship and I will come up with other relationship ones. So stay tuned. But I'm really excited to launch this and give you guys a special discount. So stay tuned for that's going to be on black Friday. And that's all I have for you guys. I hope you guys enjoyed this and stay strong. Stay healthy, mentally healthy. During the holidays. It's okay. You will not die. If you gain five pounds during the holiday season, enjoy yourself to a degree where you will not feel shame and guilt. And if you do have compassion for yourself, I love you all. Thank you for tuning in. Oh, one more thing. If you haven't yet, please leave me a review. It helps the algorithm helps podcasts streams. Show my podcast to other people. So I really appreciate you if you have leftover review. Thank you. And if you haven't please do so. It just takes two seconds. And I love you all and it happy Thanksgiving.