Set The Foundation & Habits For a Healthy Relationship Part 1 w/ Guest TJ My Fiancé

In this episode of You First: A Journey to Self, we're kicking off a special two-part series on building a loving, healthy relationship—and I’ve brought my fiancé, TJ, along for this one! We’re talking about the foundational habits and early conversations that have helped us create a strong, connected partnership. From setting intentions together to navigating those tough discussions with honesty and openness, we share insights on what’s worked for us—and what hasn't—as we continue learning and growing as a couple. 

This week, we dive into the importance of trust, setting boundaries, and making each other a priority. We also talk about the power of vulnerability, how we’ve challenged each other in positive ways, and why voicing your needs early on can help prevent resentment down the road. Join us for a heartfelt, real-life conversation on what it takes to build a relationship rooted in authenticity, trust, and love. Stay tuned for Part 2 next week! 

Connect with TJ- https://www.instagram.com/tjdrechselphotography/

Need extra support from Maria? Join MUSE Energy, her exclusive women 's-only channel on Instagram, for more insights and inspiration! - https://www.instagram.com/direct/inbox/?thread_key=8628881520460159

For personalized 1:1 coaching, visit Maria’s website at mariafuentes.net or email her at info@mariafuentes.net for guidance.- https://mariafuentes.net/

Follow Maria on Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/_maria.fuentes_/

Transcript

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there are times probably on even a weekly basis that something I do. It's Maria. In a way. That she needs to voice that she's not feeling. That she's a priority. And. I, I have loved these moments because quite frankly, I get to articulate once again. What a priority she is to me. Welcome to You First, a journey to self podcast, where we empower women to rediscover their true, authentic selves and regain personal power. If you are ready for a major shift, you've come to the right place. I am your host, Maria Fuentes, an expert in women's emotional mastery and self discovery. With a degree in psychology and nearly two decades of experience, I am passionate about addressing the challenges women face monthly. Self love, healthy relationships, and emotional awareness. I've had the privilege of coaching so many incredible women and witnessing their transformation through the methods we'll discuss on this podcast. This show is your weekly space to shift your perspective, find inspiration within and heal in ways that feel true to you. I'm so grateful you're here. Let's dive into this week's episode. Hello, my beautiful muses. And welcome back to this week's episode. I have my handsome fiance here next to me. CJ Drexel say hi. Yes. Hello. Yes. It to be back. I'm glad to, uh, to walk into the podcast room here today. Podcast from being our living room. We all have a podcast room. I do need to do that in my office. Like I need to have just like a wall where it looks professional. We have more than one microphone right now. We're just sharing a microphone. While we're having a glass of wine. It's actually predate nights or date night, but we really wanted to sit down and have this conversation and talk about all the things that's helped us create a healthy relationship and just really set the tone. And we realized the other day just having a conversation that. Maybe it was the beginning that really sets the foundation. And then we haven't really talked about all those things that we did at the beginning. Because at the beginning, it's messy and we barely even knew what we were doing. We were just like, we want different. We want better. Let's say it, how it comes out and figure it out together. Sure. But now that we've been together for almost two years. Yeah, we're coming up on it. We've been living together for a few months. We're like, let's, let's sit back down and give, give you guys some thoughts and things that have worked out for us and things that haven't. Yeah. Very excited to be back. I am excited. Thank you. Thank you for the invitation. Step in. The living room today. But no I'm with you. I mean, the more that we talk about our relationship, you know, I think, Setting intention is, is something that a lot of people talk about today in a buzz word, in a lot of, you know, areas and. And when it comes to our relationships, like why wouldn't she set intention? For what you want, if it's important. And that sounds good in theory, but to actually do an action. Sometimes it's a different story because you're just hoping to kind of connect to someone. And when. When you're single, you're like, okay, how do I start? Just even heading toward a relationship. And it's not as easy as just maybe setting attention, but maybe it is. Yeah. And that's what we started talking about. Yeah. And we started setting the intention early on too. I think that was a big thing that we did was like, what do we want? And the feature. And we've talked about that portion before we, we talked about what is it that we want and how do we get there and moving backwards into like, how do we get there? This is the big picture. This is how we want to feel. How do we get there And I think as women and what I'm seeing now, it's like, if you're in your thirties as a girl, And you haven't been married and you have no kids. There's like all this pressure and you don't know what to do. And you might put up with things that maybe you don't want to be putting up with or actions from somebody that you're not happy with. And. First pick the right partner, right? This is like a good conversation for like, after you've already picked the right partner. I can't, I'll help you if you want help for choosing the right partner. But after you've chosen the partner. I think it's important to not let fear of. Telling your truth, how you truly feel what you want, fear of being maybe abandoned or rejected or being unlovable, or unworthy of love. Don't let those fears stop you. From creating a true connection with the other person. You have to let them in on those thoughts. Hey, I don't like that. You do this or. Why do you have a girl, a friend. That's a girl. Why do you feel like going out with your friends till like two in the morning, whatever those conversations are, have them early on. Or if you're listening to this and it's, you're like, maybe didn't bother me at the beginning, but now you're in love. And you're like, well, this doesn't fucking feel good. Don't let fear stop you from having this conversations. And early on, we had a lot of those and I remember one day you don't want to get a little personal here. I remember one day TJ like asked me at the beginning, he was like, you know, how do you interact on social media with the opposite sex and like, or something along those lines? It's probably not what you said. Sure. But that's what I interpreted. Absolutely. And that was a big like aha moment for me, because I was like, well, how, how do I interact with the opposite sex? You know? Um, I needed to know. And what's the question. The question is trust, right? I mean, like how often do we just take for granted not knowing someone and you're, you know, if you find that you're falling for someone and you've got potential for something great with someone. Why would you not want to kind of like dive in deeper to some very important things, right. I mean, why. You spend your, your good energy. Getting to know someone, and then we've all been in the point where you spent good energy in something that didn't last. You found out things you didn't like. And you got out of it, you know, and you had to go through like the re healing and coming out of it and, you know, there's, there's all this. Let's treat our energy. Good. And understand that we could kind of. Wiggle around that piece of stuff, if we would dive in deeper. Right, right. In the beginning, if you will. Yeah. They're important conversations to have. I mean, he's the photographer. So he chorus, bachelor life, you took pictures of women and beautiful women. And I asked him at the beginning, I was like, is this important to you? Is this what you want to be as a photographer? Cause it'd be because if it is, that's great, but that's just not my life. Yeah, not okay with that. Yeah. And you had to kind of be like, well, you know, how are you felt about it? And maybe it was just like a fun hobby for you, but it's definitely, it wasn't like something you did for work either. So we had those tough conversations and sure. Cause I knew my quality of life would not be okay either if like that was happening. Yeah. You know, um, some women are okay with that. And again, you have to get really clear on like, what is it that you want? What is it that you're willing to put up with? Yeah. And going back to, like, when you asked me about social media, it sounds silly, but social media we're on that shit all day long today's world. It's. Yeah, huge. Part and we're on there hours and hours and hours. No. And at the time, of course you were already dating. I wasn't entertaining anyone, but it's the little things, ladies. It's a liking somebody who's little fire emoji. Alright folks. I, I threw out a number of fire and Logies Maria's way, and I liked them all. And here we are. But if you're in a relationship, don't do that shit. You know, and I was actually in a relationship when that was happening and that was not okay. And you have to call yourself out on your shit. Yeah. And part of that was that I didn't respect who I was with. Yeah. Don't be with somebody that you don't respect. Sure. And honestly, I thought like, maybe just let me just keep my options open. Like I think subconsciously I don't think that was like my reasoning when I was doing it. But because I wasn't fully committed or is it, I didn't respect the person. I didn't really truly see a future with the person. I kind of left my energy open. Sure. But what happens when you leave your energy open ladies? And I know you're listening to me and I hope this comes through because I've been there and trust me, like leaving your energy opener. Or let's say that TJ did something maybe in early on our relationship. I didn't like, and instead of me saying something here, actually, I'm going to run you through a whole scenario. Let's say he took pictures of some woman. I didn't like that. He did that. And instead of talking about it, I said, well, fuck it. I'm going to just post a picture of me half naked on social media, get all this attention. He wants to play a game. I'm going to play a better game. What is that going to do? Causes huge disconnect. Piss him off piss yourself off. Now you're acting in ways that it's probably not even congruent to who you truly are. You're doing it in spite of he has no idea that you're doing this or vice versa. It can go the other way when men do this as well. And now neither of you are getting that connection and that true, healthy relationship we wanted because you're reacting to each other's stuff instead of being clear and open and honest. And again, I think fear stops us a lot of the times, because if I, if I thought, oh, I'm going to lose him. If I say my truth, Hey, my quality of life is going to lower. If you're taking pictures of women, And your house, which could be my house and in the future. I didn't say that because I thought maybe you would leave me. Held that in the future, it's still going to ruin the relationship. Yeah. So like you said, Shortcuts. We will, as the wind speed fishing. Well, what do we want? I mean, if, if the goal is trust, you know, being able to trust someone is ultimately a huge. I mean, we kind of dance around all this other stuff, but quite frankly, we all want someone that I can. I mean, I feel like I can trust you a thousand percent right now. We have built that together, you know? And to be able to say that. It erases almost all the, like the game stuff, the toxic things that all of our minds go to that really, it keeps us from having a deeper connection. Right. So if we can find some, some way to dive deeper and go into a trust mode where you both understand each other, you have to be willing to talk about things. Yeah, and we both been willing from the get-go to just say, Hey. What's going on with this. Can I know like where you're coming from. What's important to you. Because both of us, weren't willing to go through the same shit again. Let's let's, let's dive deeper. Let's figure it out. And I want to know that I can trust you. Yeah. And that's going to challenge to people that maybe haven't gone there before. I don't think I've ever been truly vulnerable in a relationship. I don't think I've ever really listened with an open heart and not my ego. You know, there's been times you've challenged me with questions. Like. We went to Miami one time and I dressed Miami version of Maria, which is not even me. And it hasn't been me for years because I moved down to Miami for a reason. But we went there for as a weekend trip and he asked me, he challenged me. I don't think they loved it. Of course he didn't say anything like you weren't like, I hate this, like change. You didn't try to control me. Gorgeous. That was definitely out there. One of them was like a completely sheer. Like many dress. It was, everything was see-through. I was wearing underwear and stuff, but, you know, The point is. He, he challenged me and he was like, why do you feel like dressing like that? When you're such a beautiful woman? You know, I see you more in an elegant sense and all these things, and it's, it's who I am. It's how I was already presenting myself in other areas. But for whatever reason, I had this hangup of having to be the sexy. I'm still hot in Miami. You know, like whatever version of Maria. I was stuck in on 21. Yeah. And if you wouldn't have asked me that question and told me your true feelings about what I was wearing, I wouldn't have been challenged by it. And I heard it with an open heart versus my ego, my ego old Maria, miss independent. This is hyper independent. Would have been like, what the fuck are you saying? You're trying to tell me what to do. Which is in today's world a lot. Yes. Right. So that's hard to, I mean, it takes like both of us actually dropping some walls and saying, do I actually want to consider a future with you? And am I willing to be, if that's the case, if you really are authentically someone I want to connect to. Then am I willing to drop some walls and come in there and just be open, you know? And be able to talk openly about things. Yeah, it's not easy, right? I mean, like, It isn't an, it is. Like, I feel like we were both like, Hey, I'm serious about this. I'm not coming into this thing. Just wanting to date you. I'm seriously interested. Yeah. If I'm seriously interested, can we. Can we have some conversations to get us to the point that we feel really good about what we can do together. Right. Yeah, that's true. And you're right. I mean, we, we knew that, but it's been, I don't want to say it's hard. Like I hate when people say relationships are hard, they're hard work. Yeah. Everything is. It's effort. It's it's thinking before you speak, it's doing all these things and it is being open. And I think as women, and we talked about this before we even. I like when we were talking about recording this episode, and I said, I feel with women nowadays, because we become so into hype, like independent, but also hyper independent. We feel like we have to put these walls up, right. We get hurt in love and or we, we give our hearts to the wrong person. I feel, I see that a lot. It's like women are like, oh, I gave him my everything. And so then the next thing, I guess, the scrapes and scraps of who she is as a woman, and like, don't tell me what to do and I'm never going to get hurt again. And those are walls. Like to your point, those are walls. That's not even who you truly are. Are you doing that as a protective mechanism? Sure as a girl is like I, and I know cause I've been there. And so when you've challenged me with things or vice versa, it's like, wait, Is that you filtered through your own intuition? If who I truly was was that woman that like loved to dress that way, then that would have been one of those times where we're like, well, what are we going to do here? Because. Obviously that's who I am to my essence. Yeah. It's not changing me, but it's your challenged me, right? There's a difference. Like somebody trying to change you as like, you can't do this because it bothers me. Right. I need you to do this instead. Yeah. That's someone trying to change you. Someone trying to challenge you is, Hey, this is how I feel about this. And how do you feel about it? How do you see this? Right? They challenge you your, your thought and your perspective and that's healthy. So being an independent woman. It doesn't mean that you're not going to get challenged, right? Partner, actually, if you want a man to lead and all these things you see on social media, like I want him to lead so that I can shut off my brain and I want him to be a man. Guess what men that love and protect don't want to have you half naked around this fucking street. That's just true. We want you for us, you know, I mean, And it's, it goes vice versa, right? I mean, We had great conversations about like how we show up. Um, you know, when you're, when you're single, I mean, the door's wide open. You're out there, dating whatever, These are all ways that all of us are until we find someone. And it's been a nice process of you and I looking at alright, how you know, who do we interact with? How are we interacting? Both of us asking each other questions about what that looked like, because both of us had expectations and their healthy, healthy expectations about what it looks like for you to be with me. And for me to be with you, you know, And what is realistic and what should be. How we both show up if we are committed together, you know, and today's a real. Why would you not add those? Conversations, right. I mean, why would you not want to be like, how do we want to be together? And what, what is ultimate trust look like? Right. It is trusting each other with our hearts. Right? And like, to your point, I trust you a thousand percent too, because we've gotten to these points and we've had the harder conversations and I'm able to be vulnerable and show you how I feel about something. And you're responsive. You're not reactive. You're not. Uh, tactful. When I say how I feel about something and. We make each other a priority. And I think that's important. I, if you're listening to this, like your partner should be, if you're marrying this person, you want the rest of your life with this person, this person should be your priority. And every sentence, like, of course there's gonna be other things that are priority, like work business kids. But if you're making decisions. You tell your partner about it. They come before anyone else. And that sentence, like. Your family before that that's like, that's old news. Like your family now is your partner. Right. And it's like, you don't do things and then tell your partner later, or you don't do stuff with your friends and then tell your partner later, you don't make big decisions and tell your partner later. Like it goes through this. System of like, I run it through my partner and I talk to my partner about it first. I truly believe that making each other priority has been a big thing for us as well. Absolutely. Ladies, I can say, as a guy. And this may be helpful to you that, there are times probably on even a weekly basis that something I do. It's Maria. In a way. That she needs to voice that she's not feeling. That she's a priority. And. I, I have loved these moments because quite frankly, I get to articulate once again. What a priority she is to me. And, you know, usually in the shuffle of guys, us guys just simply rocking our world, you know, and we have to be in the masculine. We have to be making things happen on a daily basis. And we get into these modes of total efficiency and, and we, we kill it. So anyone doing that, the guys know out there that they're doing it, you know, but we can in that mode, certainly, uh, uh, kind of rush through efficiency and forget at different times about how to, to show up for our ladies. And Maria has been very gifted in terms of being soft about coming to me and being open about it. She's not screaming at me, she's being very calm about it and she's letting me know, Hey, I felt this just want to let you know. I know that's not where you're coming from and it's not usually how you are, but this made me feel this way. And man, it's such a great time for me to show up and let her know. How important she is to me. And at the same time we're able to connect because she's able to breathe through it and like articulate that in a way that is beneficial to the future she wants. And that I don't want, you know, And man, what a great moment together, you know, I've been in relationships where I got screamed at for stuff. And you know, that all of a sudden I'm on the defensive, there's no way that we're going to, you know, at that point, like what. It's hard to even come back to the point where we're trying to grow a relationship because there's all kinds of emotions. And I know that we all get to different places in these moments where stuff hits, but it has been great because I know. That there's things you need. Sometimes I miss him in the middle of me doing. Multiple businesses, you know, but you've been so gracious in how you've been able to breathe through how you let me know about that. And that's changed, I think. And you can speak to that, but how we've been able to show up for each other. In those moments, because it's inevitable that a relationship's going to go through all these moments. That's normal stuff, right? Yeah. And thank you for saying that. So I feel like I do a good job at it, and I didn't realize that. You saw it in this perspective. So thank you. I'm a very emotional, sensitive person. And I know this about myself and before I used to work against myself and just hold my emotions in and most women. We were all emotional. Like if you're sitting here and listening to this, you're probably emotional about a lot of things. And what happens when we hold things in, we resent, we start stacking them up. Em, They, the man you're with becomes the villain. He becomes a bad guy. And now he's fucking annoying, right? His socks fucking bother. You are then the fucking middle of the living room. Why is he doing with his mouth open? Like I know this because these ladies have talked to me about my friends and this is what happens. Because you're you held in that one thing that happened two weeks ago, and then the thing that happened two days after that, you, it stacks up for us. Everything's interconnected for us as women and emotionally. If you let your partner into the emotion with you after you've taken a second and take a beat, like don't come at him with like all the emotions. Because that's not going to be beneficial for either of you, especially if you don't know what it even is. You let him in. And like TJ said, it's always a connective moment is hard. It's not easy. Like there's times where I'm like, why am I even being sensitive about this? Like, I'm hard on myself, sometimes about my own emotions and like, why am I feeling this way? But I even texted you the other day about something. And I was like, Hey, I want to let you know, cause I don't wanna hold on to this anymore. And that's another thing. Once you tell him, Don't hold things over their head. Don't bring shit up from the past. Let it be. A hundred percent of the time teachers never trying to hurt my feelings. Like he's not purposely like, oh, I'm going to do this or just hurt Maria's feelings or whatever, you know? Sure. Most men don't like, if a man loves you, they want to show up for you. They want to be there for you. And so when we hold things over the head or we beat a dead horse, or we're constantly bitching and nagging. The Bible says nagging all the time. Nagging wise. Um, it makes me laugh every time I read a proverb or something that says don't be a nagging wife. Um, we, we lose that connection that we so deeply want. We go against what we actually want. And thank you for being so loving and caring because I mean, you can't help your emotions. They're going to be there and. I hope to always do the same for you because that's just natural and normal, but it doesn't have to become a fight. It doesn't have to become ugly. It doesn't have to become something huge. And I know I'm your priority. And I know that, you know, you're mine. But sometimes like in life, maybe, sometimes you'll feel like that. And I, you know, reassurance goes a long way to pull and understanding and shutter, like knowing. Like, I know that you would not intent, you know, that you, what I know about you and we've had history now. You intentionally want us to be connected? You would not want to do anything that would disconnect us. Yeah. You know about me that I would be the same way. I want you to know what a priority you are for me. And so if we both know that and we can speak to it whenever we have a disagreement or a spot where we just simply are missing each other on a connective situation. How great is it to be like, Hey, listen. Boy, I would, I did not mean to make you feel that way. I hope you know, that my intention would not be to do that. So let's go ahead and dive into this and talk about it so that we both feel like we can move forward. And are connected again. Yeah. You know how great to, I mean, it's worth it. It's worth it every time to have that conversation. And there's times where we've had stuff going on and we've had to sit down and be like, I'm going to sit all that aside for a second and let's go ahead and make sure we're good. Before we move forward with. Work and stuff around us, you know? Because this is a priority. Yeah. And to be honest, we're such, we're emotionally connected on such a deeper level than anyone I know, you know, and we're emotional creatures. So if there is conflict between us, I can't do my job right. I don't want to work out like everything just shuffled for me that day. So having the conversation and just nipping it in the bud and just going back to connecting is it's going to help us in all areas. Versus delaying it and then just being miserable. That's right. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. And we want to talk about some habits. That's gotten us to this place. This is good stuff. Yeah. So this is just part one. So check out part two. That's going to come out next Monday. We really just want to dive into things have helped us and that, you know, we do sometimes on a daily basis, sometimes on a weekly, sometimes on a monthly, sometimes on a quarterly. So. Come back for part two. Thank you, honey. Yeah. Well, if you don't set the intention, how are you going to have it? Right. So you do need habits. We all need habits and there are helpful habits that you can use. Yeah. We'll give you some tangibles in the next episode. Alright, bye guys. As we come to the close of this episode, I want to express my heartfelt gratitude and admiration for you. Taking the time to show up for yourself is an act of self love. And if this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might benefit. And also, if you love this episode, please rate and review us. When you do, screenshot your review and email it to us for a special gift. Our Rediscover Yourself Worksheet. This worksheet includes exercises to help you uncover your authentic self, and assess the areas of your life that are misaligned with the true you. Email it to info at maria fuentes dot net. Also stay connected with us on social media for updates and more inspiration. You can find all this information in the show notes. Again, thank you for being here and I cannot wait to continue this journey together.