When Witnessing Domestic Violence: Rescue or Call 911?

What would you do if you saw someone being kicked and beaten in broad daylight? 

Would you rush in to rescue them? Call 911? Freeze in shock, unsure of your next move? 

My friend found herself in that exact situation — torn between helping and staying safe. In this episode, she shares the heart-pounding moment she witnessed a domestic violence incident and the tough choices she faced. You'll also hear critical advice straight from law enforcement on how to safely and effectively help victims in moments like these.

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses domestic violence and may be distressing for some listeners. Please take care while listening.

RESOURCES

National Domestic Violence Hotline in the U.S. 1-800-799-7233 or TheHotline.org

JOIN Mandi’s weekly email list so you are notified of new podcast episodes, upcoming speaking engagements and helpful resources! Sign up at awareandprepared.life at the bottom of her website.

Reach Mandi through her website AwareAndPrepared.Life or Instagram @WomenAwareAndPrepared

Transcript

Hey, brave one. Welcome to another episode of the aware and prepared podcast.  I'm your host, Mandy Pratt, a trained domestic violence victim advocate, self defense teacher and professional speaker who helps those feeling vulnerable, learn emotional self defense and how to be street smart. You deserve to live in peace and safety. 

Stick around to hear safety tips that will help us enjoy empowered lives. Let's leave worry behind so we can be savvy, aware, and prepared.  Welcome back to another episode of the Aware and Prepared podcast. And just a heads up. There are a few things that our guests chairs today that may be triggering in regards to domestic violence. So feel free to skip those parts. Or take a break. 

I have a very good friend with me here, Tammy. So welcome, Tammy. Thank you. So we've been friends for a long, long time, ever since high school. And so we've kept in touch and she and her daughter actually even did my online self defense course.

So that was really cool. And  since then, I know that Tammy had a crazy story happened to her. So I saw her post about that on her Facebook and I invited her. to come on to the podcast here to share about that, because first of all, I think you're so brave for doing that. And second of all, I think that a lot of us would wonder the same thing.

What, what do we do for that? So, Without further ado, what happened?  Yeah, so okay, so just a little bit of context. My husband and I were taking a walk, but my husband is deaf. So I may react to things and he has no idea what's happening. So just that's part of the story a little, a little bit. But my husband and I were taking a walk.

Just around our neighborhood. We just a normal neighborhood, not, you know, anything crazy or anything. And we were walking our dog and I heard some yelling and I didn't really think too much of it. I kind of glanced in the direction where I kind of heard it from and kind of looked back and I saw two people in a car just kind of arguing and didn't really think much of it, just thought, well, they look like they're young and they're just.

Don't have a filter or something. I don't know and they're just going at it. So we were walking and then I could tell that it was increasing in like intensity and  all of a sudden I heard the woman screaming. And so I looked back again and she had run out of the car  and her boyfriend had run after her and he grabbed her and threw her to the ground.

And like You would see in a wrestling match or something and just started kicking her so hard, you know, on her body. Mm-hmm . And I was just thinking like, I have never seen anything like that in my life, except in a movie. I can't believe this is happening in front of my eyeballs, . Right. And so I just, I, there was no filter in my mind, there was no  question of anything.

I just immediately started. Running towards them and screaming, you know, stop, stop. I was just trying to get him to get a clue that like, there's people watching. We can see this happening. Like, and maybe that would trigger something in him to stop and, you know, like realize what he was doing, but he didn't, he, he did not stop at all.

Like he didn't, he did not care. And I said, I'm calling 9 1 1. I'm calling 9 1 1. And the reason I mentioned my husband is because my husband kept just kind of walking and then all of a sudden his wife is gone and I'm  sprinting across this parking lot and he, and so the,  I said, I'm calling 911. Stop, stop, stop.

And I had the phone and I was trying to,  I just lost my mind as far as like, you know, just any sense of  wherewithal because I couldn't, I didn't even remember you can just press a button and it'll call 911. I was trying to enter, you know, my fingerprint, my code and all this stuff and it wasn't working. 

And. And so, and I'm, as I'm still running towards her, I'm doing all of this. And like finally he stopped and he jumped into his car and he just took off. Like, I mean, it was crazy. Like he just  peeled out of there. And so she started running towards me and just was screaming at me. Like, don't call 9 1 1, please don't call anyone, hang up, don't call 9 1 1.

And so she was hysterical. So I thought she was.  attack me. I didn't, I didn't even, it was just odd the way she acted. So I just put my hands up and she could see my phone. I was like, okay, I'm not going to call him. I'm not, I couldn't even get through anyway. And I said, I'm not going to call him. And so I said, I said, okay, okay.

I was just trying to get her to calm down. And figure out what was happening. And she was bleeding. And I just said, Are you okay? Are you okay? And by this time, my husband sees what's happening. And so he kind of walks back towards us, and he can see the dynamic. And so he stood way off to the side and was just observing and just watching.

And so I just said, You know, are you okay? Like, is there someone we could call? Like what happened? Like, and she  just, she was shaking so bad. Like she was shaking as if it was 12 degrees outside, but it was in the summer and it was not cold out at all, but she was shaking that much. And I just was like you know, can I call it your, you know, somebody who, what happened?

Or, you know, are you, can I please call the cops? And she was like, Please don't. And then she said, my son is in the car. So it was her two year old son was in the car seat, which I couldn't see like who was in there. I wasn't observing everything. I wasn't taking in everything that was going on. And so I she said, yeah, he's in the, he's in the car and I don't know where he's going to go.

And, and he was driving like a maniac and so worried about his, her son. And so I said, well, do you have any idea where he might go or where he's going right now? And she said no. And because I was still planning on calling the cops when I left her to like give them some information about what happened and where maybe this guy was or something like that, especially now know that knowing that they're.

Was a child. Exactly. So and then she said to me, she goes, well I hope he doesn't get pulled over because he has a shotgun in the trunk of his car. Oh gosh. And that blew my mind. And I just, it really caused me to pause because I thought I am like racing into the situation. And had he had the wherewithal to really wanna stop me, he could have gone to the trunk of his car and.

Taking us both out or something. I don't know. Like it could have been really, really terrible for, for me as well as her. But that's not where my mind was. She was a 20 year old girl. Pretty like nothing you would not, you would think she's just a normal person who going through normal life and just whatever, and, and wasn't experiencing that every day.

And my daughter is just a year younger than that. So I just. went into mama bear mode. Like I just, I wasn't thinking of the consequences that there could be. So the one thing that I really kept that I was very intentional about was I just kept saying you don't have to, this isn't this isn't like a healthy relationship.

This is healthy relationship filled with love  aren't filled with this type of 

And I just, I repeated that probably in a simpler way than I'm repeating it now, but and I, I was trying to like, again, like get her to calm down and get myself to calm down because I was shaking too, not as bad as she was, but and so I just asked her how long they had dated and it had been about four years since high school.

She didn't have a job. She didn't have a car. She, like, had no life. He had ostracized her from, you know, Her whole family, because he was so violent, he had attacked her family and then had attacked her in front of his dad who like encouraged it. Like you could tell this, this generational yes.  Yeah.  And so at one point I even said, I'm sure you don't want your son to, to, to be like that, you know, and I, I really wish that.

You would understand you don't deserve to be treated like that. You deserve to be cherished and loved. And I, that was when I kept repeating, you deserve to be treated, you know, with respect and love and kindness and just continually repeating that. And then we have a local resource here in Rochester, New York a women's shelter and domestic violence center.

And it's very big and. Like kind of popular, like I guess in the helping community and I dropped their name probably like five times in the conversation. I just kept saying, so willow is a great resource center for, for, you know, women in your situation. And she, cause she kept saying, I don't have anything.

I don't have any money. I don't have my own things. I don't have this. And I'm like, you know what? All the women at the center have gone through the same thing. They know exactly the situation that you're in and they know, you know,  through this. And so 

Again, one last time, is there anything I can do for you? Is there any help or anything? And what, one of the things before  I get to the final, but one of the things she had said too, is the reason they got in the argument was because he was Snapchatting with a 16 year old. Like he, her boyfriend is like 21 or 22.

And and she was like, I just wish I had, I shouldn't have gotten so upset. He was really, he was like, He was really mad because I was getting upset and he didn't want to like, whatever. Yeah. And I said, Oh, I was like, honey, like, no, no, no. Like that's not on you. And it's really trying to just turn it around.

Like, but it's amazing. The mentality that it's all their fault, all her fault, you know, that type of  so I so it just, Like kind of getting ready to leave her. I said, you know what? I just want to give you my number I'm just down the street if you ever need anything, you know Here's my number and and she took it and then she said oh well my boyfriend never he gets he never gets into my phone And I thought to myself  Cut you off from everything.

Of course he gets in your phone. I was like, what? And so it's amazing to me how the coverup is like, just kind of covering up and like, you know, it's just so natural. They don't even like think of the, the how that's so ironic, you know, like how a person would just not believe that. So yeah. So then we, my husband and I, we ended up walking away and I was like, I was kind of a mess.

I was shaking. I just felt helpless. I didn't know what to do. So I got, I, my brother is a police officer in Arizona actually. And I called him immediately and I said this is what happened. What should I do? And what, and, and he said, I want you to hang up immediately, call 911 and let them know that he has a shotgun in the trunk of his car.

Because if they get called, if the police get called for, you know, a domestic violence dispute. They need to know that there's, it's, it's for their safety at that point. Domestic violence situations are the most dangerous for police officers. Yeah. So, and I had no, and so then he, so I hung up immediately and then he said, call me back.

I hung up immediately, called our local police, they said they would have a  police officer give me a call back.  And so then I called him back and he just proceeded to tell me about,  you know, he said this, unfortunately you have to be really careful because like he was telling me a story of him and his partner who were called in for a domestic dispute and when they walked in, the husband was like on top of the wife, just beating her up so bad.

And so it took both him and his partner to pull this guy off of her. And then when they did, the wife was able to get away, but she ran into the kitchen to grab a knife and started to attack the pot. My brother's partner, the playzot.  And so he, and so he was talking about just like the mentality of like,  if that spouse or if that partner their boyfriend or their husband or whoever is kind of like their everything, they will do anything to protect them, like even attack a police officer.

So now they have to take them both in, you know, because. You obviously can't attack a police officer either. And so but he just said it, it's just always so messy because of just the psychological stuff that goes on for the victims, you know of everything. So I was really surprised at that. So then I said, what should I do in like those, what should I have done?

Cause he was like, Oh, I wish, I really wish you hadn't run up. I really wish you hadn't, you know, like you, especially now knowing that he had a shotgun, you know, you really put, and I said, I wasn't even thinking it was a natural, it was a gut reaction  and you know, someone in distress, like, you know, Right.

You see an animal who's hurt, you're going to go right over and help it. Why would I not do that to my, a fellow human being? Right. And so and so I just asked him, what should I have done? And he said well, it, it, It's helpful for law enforcement if if they have recordings of the of what's happening.

It's like a video recording. So  In that kind of situation. He said I would have called 9 1 1 quietly  Necessarily announced that I'm calling 9 1 1 I would have called them and then I would have started recording and he and then so I was like really that's it And then he and then he said later on he was like I You know what?

It's, it's really a judgment call. Like, you know, if you see someone who you don't think they're going to make it because they're getting beat up so bad, then yeah, you probably want to intervene. But you know she got kicked to like kingdom come and, and, but she was still able to get up and like walk over.

And, you know, like I said, she was bleeding from somewhere but she was still like functioning, you know? And so it wasn't like, That wasn't necessarily, like, life threatening in that moment, but  I don't know, so he said it's just a, it's a really tough call, like, as a civilian, what do you do, and, yeah, it was, it was really hard.

It shook me for quite a few weeks. And then he, he said I would never give my phone number to anybody. He said it would have been helpful maybe if you gave the women's resource number to her. And I was like, ah, I should have done that. But just because it puts me an extra level of like danger, if he would get.

Ahold of my number, you know, or her boyfriend or whatever. So  it was, it was a really I don't know, I don't even know the right adjective to describe the experience, but it was, it was scary. It was  scary. So for sure. And sad. Yeah. Yeah. And who can blame you for doing that? I mean, I would have done the same thing.

I would have run.  The helper, because you think they need assistance, which they do, but a lot of times they don't want to take it because they've been so conditioned to  think that's just the way it is, or they feel so trapped and there's no other way. So yeah, exactly. Right. Exactly. Right. Yeah, and and I think like just not of course she knows the context.

Okay, my son is in the car I don't know where he's gonna go. He's got a gun in the car, you know, like all that I don't know he's gonna do She knows all that. I don't know any of that. And so I'm thinking I'm helping her She's running at me hysterically. Like I really glad that I just kind of like put my hands up Okay.

I'm not, you know, just trying to diffuse her,  you know, hysteria a little bit. Like, I'm not, I'm not the bad guy here. I'm, I'm on your side.  Like, I'm, I'll do whatever you need me to do at the moment. You know, like breathing, you're okay. I don't, I don't know. It's,  it's just a very, yeah. Very difficult situation.

Very. Yeah. What did your brother say when you called him back?  He was just, he was  really concerned about me and just like the level that I kind of put myself in danger, you know, as a sibling, we're very close. Him and I are very close. And so, and he's just seen the worst of the worst, you know, daily. But he just, so he sees how things can really go bad and really quickly.

And so,  so at first, like he immediately said. Don't ever run towards, don't ever run towards a situation like that. Don't ever run towards it. And so he said that to me immediately, but then it was like a couple days later he called me back and we had a conversation and he said, you know, it sounds really black and white.

Like don't ever put yourself in that situation. But he said, but  like, he's a very caring person as well. He's like, but when we see, he's  It's really suffering like that, you know, like really in that situation, he's like, it's really hard to set that aside and just think.  Black and white. And he goes, so I understand.

And he was like, I'm, cause he came across like he was mad at me. And I was like, I was like,  and so I was like for me and I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. And then he called back. He was like, I don't know what you're apologizing for. You don't need to do nothing wrong. He was like, I was worried about you you getting in the middle of something that hurt. 

I'm just worried about that. And so I was like, Oh, okay. Okay. So we kind of smoothed that out a little bit, but he was just reacting towards more like being really protective towards me. Of course. I was glad for the clarification. Like, you know, he did come across super black and white, like don't ever run towards somebody.

Don't don't get involved. Just record, give police evidence. Call 9 1 1, give them the evidence they need, they'll, they can follow up. I think different states, it, it depends on which state you're in, because I think some states now  will go ahead and prosecute whether the victim wants to or not. Right. I can, I don't, maybe you probably know better than me, like what state those are, but New York is not one of them, so  big surprise.

But anyway, so like the victim needs to actually. You know, say they want to prosecute. So, but he was saying it would still be helpful. Like if, if, even if it's something happened in the future, like if you have that,  you know, evidence or whatever, they would, it would be very useful to them. So That was, that was good to know, but I mean, I couldn't even call 9 1 1.

That's like the worst. It's like when you have a nightmare and you're like trying to dial 9 1 1 and you just can't, like, or it's like one of the old fashioned phones where you have to go around the circle. I hate that.  Exactly. A hundred percent. It was so, I was like, what is wrong with me? Like, I just can't even like get, and I kept like pressing it.

Mine is a fingerprint thing. And I kept trying to do the passcode. Then I quit. I was mixing up every number. So I was like, how would I keep the wherewithal to just like, just turn on my little video and just stand there. I know.  I just, I'm like, but you know, I think that's why it's so good to have the conversation, you know, ahead of time,  because if you do think about it, like, I never, nobody in school teaches you these sort of like, parents.

I don't know life events that could possibly happen and, you know, what to do in those events. And so  never in my wildest dream did I ever think I would come across something like that. Never. And not even in my, in, in my neighborhood, definitely not like, you know, that I wanted to point that out. Cause you said too, she was a young gal.

She was pretty, just a normal, right. That happens, that happens,  you know, In every neighborhood at every socio economic level, you know sadly, I mean,  It's just sad that it happens. anywhere. Right. But it, it happens, you know, so often to so many different people. And of course, not just women, even though most of the time it does, but right.

Yeah, it's, it's horrible. And I'm sure all of us listening, Probably would have done the same thing. Like we're caring  people and you are like one of the most caring, kind people I've ever met. So of course your first instinct and you're a mom. So it's like, Ooh, the mom out there really turns on too, especially if you're like a younger gal.

Cause you think of like your daughter and you just want to go over and, you know, and help her. So that's a normal thing. So thank you for talking to us. Sharing this with us because it's something that a lot of us wouldn't normally think of and like, yeah, what to do, but and I know even some of my listeners have family members who are in an abusive situation like that, and they don't know what to do.

So they gave up, you know, on,  but it's still important to, to keep in touch with them. But honestly, like, there's no way of. Making somebody realize, you know, that they're in such a horrible relationship, even though we try and try and try and oftentimes it takes the stats, say it takes somebody seven times until they actually leave.

For me, it took twice, but everybody's different and I know it just drives you crazy because you can see the other side and you know, you know, having a loving, respectful relationship is, you know,  Like I want that for you. Yes, exactly. I am not trying to hurt you in this situation. Like opposite  person is hurting you and I'm trying to help.

Yeah. And I have a family member, same kind of thing where she was in a situation and an abusive relationship. And I actually went to a women's resource center and I was like, What can I do to help tell me what family member and she, I remember them saying, well, usually it takes seven times and usually they've cut off.

They've been cut off from everybody in their life at that point. They've burned so many bridges or whatever. And, and she said the, the thing that stuck in my mind the most was stop focusing on him. Stop telling her how awful he is and what a, you know,  bad person he is and lots of adjectives there, but and focus on her and like how she deserves to be loved and she deserves to be treated with respect and deserves like  all of those things because that's the thing that will start to change her mind.

If you focus on the victim, like, you know instead of the abuser,  something in there's, I guess, a different dynamic and that. That and I think going through that like I think it was about 20 years ago going through that with my family member  It really was is still ingrained in my head. So even with this girl, you know, that's I just that's what I went for I did.

Yeah, you know good job  Yeah. So I just was like, you deserve to be respected and loved and cherished and cared for and not have to worry about being safe or, you know, things like that and, and just hoping that it would just plant a seed if I'm just one person saying it, maybe another person will say it another time and another person will say it another time.

Like, you know, that's really what honestly my prayer was. I just, I walked away just praying for her and that, that was my prayer. Like if it's. It's, if anything I said doesn't, didn't all click all at once or whatever, just please let it be a seed that will like, at least germinate at some point in life, you know, and where she kind of wakes up and goes, all right, let's, let's time for a different story.

Exactly. Exactly. And with Having that child involved, that was good too, when you had said, you know, do you want your child to grow up in, in that same cycle? You know, that's,  that's what finally made me leave. Cause I was like,  no,  we're not continuing this into another generation. Like it stops here. It stops here.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's good that you  also planted that seed for her.  So, yeah, that's super  important. Well, and then, and that reminds me too, like she had told me about like what a terrible day it had been and I, she was just kind of talking at this point and I was just listening. She was just going on. And she said, if we that her and her boyfriend and her son were together. 

We're at target. Just like a couple hours before. And apparently, according to her, I don't know that I wasn't there, so I don't really know what happened. But apparently another woman or a couple women went up to her and they were  telling her That she needed to control her son and the police were called to Target and I don't know what transpired there But I did when I called the police again, I said apparently there was a Situation at Target.

It's the same person. This is you know, so I was trying to connect some dots for them I don't know if that's helpful or not. But but probably Yeah, I would think so. And so I don't know what her son was doing. I can't imagine a scenario where I'd ever really go up to another mother who's, you know, Yeah.

Child acting out like, and, and, you know, be judgmental towards that mother. I mean, we've all, we've all been in hard situations with our kids. I don't think I would be, I think I tried to offer him way more grace, but I was like, what could her son have been doing? Or what would the, what was the dynamic there that it, women felt compelled to go up and tell her that there's, she needs to correct this or something.

So I was really. Kind of just, whoa, mystified at that whole how that all shook out as well. And, and, and just thought, Oh girl, can you just not, can you not see that this is already happening? It's already taking place. Exactly. Yeah. It comes out sideways in the kids too. I can see that. When you said that, I was like, Oh, that totally makes sense.

Like if there's chaos  and violence in the home,  kid is not going to act like most kids do at that age. Exactly. So that's probably what those women were.  Sensing like something isn't right here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I was like so curious about that. I was like, oh  I wonder if there's video cameras. I could see something.

I don't know. Anyway, I didn't I didn't ruminate on it too long But yeah, it was it was really yeah, just sad like so she I don't know if I was able to kind of  connect a dot there for her to like I don't know but  I just, like I said, I just hope that, you know, I feel like in those kinds of situations where if the victim isn't ready to make a hard move, the only thing we can do is just  the only thing I could do in that moment was just support her and like, hopefully like a future thought for wanting to make a move, you know, like, you know, like if you ever want to do this.

It's possible. Mm-hmm . And I, I, I did actually say that it's possible. Mm-hmm . For you not to live like this, it's possible for you to live with safety and peace and mm-hmm . In your home. And, and you know, I don't even think she,  I think it was a different language to her. I don't even know if she's ever, I don't know.

I don't know if she's ever experienced, I don't know what her family of origin background is. I don't know anything. Right. Other than what the situation was, kind of there, but yeah. I don't know. Yeah. So,  yeah, I think too. Yeah, like another, I have a friend who's actually in a bad situation and I have  tried to help her and I just offered to her.

You know what? Anytime that you would like to, I'd be more than happy to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline with you. If you want, you can call them and we're only getting the information. It doesn't mean you have to do it, but we're just getting the information, like, what would you recommend? And  they can help people come up with a safety plan for when they're ready to actually leave.

For which is helpful. But unfortunately my friend is not ready for that yet, but she knows it's available and she knows, you know,  That it's there. And if you go to the hotline. org, I think it is, and I don't have the number in front, in front. Yes, I do. I'm going to actually look it up because I'm going to have to say it on here anyway.

But you can either go online. And I wouldn't recommend doing that from your own computer because they're always watching your  phone, like you said, and your computer and stuff, right? Right. So you could go to a friend's computer or the library and do that there, or you can call them.  And you could even it might be a possibility to call 211 first and say, Hey, can you just patch me through to the domestic violence hotline?

So that number isn't on your phone. But the number is 1 800 799 7233. I have it saved in my phone. So I can just dial it anytime, you know, with somebody  to, but That might be an option too.  Again, you know, you never know what they're going to  be, you know, they might  tell you to,  they might tell you off, like, who knows?

At least, you know, you did the best you could with what you have.  Right. And so I'm sure that something you said planted some kind of seed and hopefully it doesn't take that many more times, but yeah. I mean, we're not in control of that, unfortunately, but you did the best that you could, which I mean, honestly, I would have done the same thing.

Like, I, I can't, it's so hard to see  somebody be, you know, actively be beat up and then just, you know.  If I was video, videoing it, like, yes, I'm doing something, but I would still feel like I'm not doing like enough. I mean, I would feel exactly the same way. Exactly. It almost feels voyeuristic or something.

Yeah. You know, right. And  I,  I don't know. That it would feel very unnatural for sure. Totally. Or like, I would have might have tried to maybe like distract like you said, but when somebody like that is on a rampage like that. Yes. It's like an out of body experience for them. Like it's not a normal  thing. So yeah, I'm not, I wasn't surprised when you said that he didn't stop at first, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. I was, that's what I was thinking. I was almost like kind of looking around to see if I had like a rock I could just throw at him, like just something to distract him from like being, like you said, that rampage at that different mindset that  you're not there. Yeah. Yeah. Like a snap to it. Yeah, snapping back it to reality or something like, what are you doing?

Like  human beings should not be doing this to another human being or anybody or anything. Yeah, like exactly, you know, so I it just blows my mind and then it makes you know And it makes you wonder about all his history. So right but going back circling back to what you said about Calling the number and just talking to them.

I actually did mention that to her too. I, I,  That made me remember that when I was kept talking about this resource. Yeah, I said, you know You don't have to leave today. Like you don't have to do anything. You have your son obviously  And I said, but maybe if you just talk to the them to  Who have gone through this situation?

They they could just point you in some really  helpful directions and help you with other resources. They've been through it. I just kept saying they've been through it. They've been through it because that's the people who work there. They, they, and it's a big, and I, and I said to her, it's very safe. We, the location of where.

They even keep the women is, is not a public, I don't even know where it is. Like, you know, you call the number and then I don't know what happens after that. And so that's why I gave her my number was like, if you ever need anything like a ride somewhere or if you want me to, whatever, like, here's my number, I'm literally right down the street.

But it just, that mindset of like,  if she's already thinking everything's her fault, even the fact that he just.  Beat her up at that moment, you know, like if she's taking on that blame she's you can't I can pretty much guess that she's also going to feel like she's like a burden to everybody around her or whatever, who's trying to help her.

And I was like, no, this is, I really want to help. You really have no idea how much I want to help. Like I, I'm going to school to become a therapist. I really want to help and, and she goes, and then, and then she goes, oh, that's why you're helping me. And I thought, I  shouldn't have said that. Darn it. No. Like, no, that's not why.

It's just good. You're like, I'm just a nice person. Yeah,  I'm just a human being. You shouldn't be going through this. Like, you know, and I, I thought, Oh gosh, like I shouldn't have said that, but I,  I just wanted her to like, listen. Yes, of course. You're like, what else can I say to get through to you? I know. I know.

Here's my heart on a platter.  It is for you.  Yeah. Yeah. But that's what they do. They isolate them and then they.  Do all of this manipulation so they actually think it's their fault. She's like, you know, she probably thinks, Oh, I must not have done something right, which is why he's looking at this other 16 year old.

Yes. Yeah. Yes. Right. Yes. And it's my fault. And if I just did something different than he would be nicer to me, you know, that's the whole yes. Mindset. And then they get scared to leave because they think, Oh my gosh, like he's paying for our rent or like, yeah, this is how I get food because they've isolated them to be.

It's all about the power and control as you know. And it's so hard to get out from that and then get your own power and control back. But that's what these shelters help with. And they're so good at that. Right, right. Yeah. If I could just get you plugged into this resource. Let me, let me just pick you up and let me take you over here and let me just set you right here.

I know.  I know. I know.  Oh my gosh. But then I was like, I was like, even afraid to like touch her or anything is like my natural inclination is also like to comfort. Like I want to touch a back and like kind of like. Yes. Had it and just be like, are you okay? You know, like you would a child and I thought, Nope, I probably shouldn't touch her because I don't know how reactive she's going to be.

I don't know if she even knows a safe touch, what that would even be like. And I'm a stranger, so I'm not, I, I didn't, you know, all that stuff. But yeah, it's really hard. Like, I, I don't know it, it, those situations are so difficult when  you need your brain in gear. But all that comes out is like this protective  emotion and how to like manage  those two is really,  unless you have a plan ahead of time, I will do such and such.

Right. Situation comes up, you just really don't know what and your brain literally goes into fight or flight survival mode. That's why you couldn't dial 9 1 1, you know,  because your brain's on overdrive adrenaline thinking survival, survival, you know, exactly, exactly. It's not even really your fault. It's just your brain doing its job. 

Right. Right. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It was wild. And I couldn't like turn around to my husband and be like, call 911. I couldn't, I couldn't even like communicate that at the time. Cause I'm, I'm, I'm running away from him and he didn't see what was happening. Had I had like a hearing person with me, I probably call 9 1 1, and they would have known I was even running.

Yeah, right. And they would have, they probably would have called 9 1 1 without even you saying. Exactly. Yes, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, yeah. So the situation was kind of almost as if I had been walking and seeing it myself. You know, I think if I had met with another hearing person who was aware of what was Exactly what was going could hear the shouting could hear the yelling and then obviously  see the the all of how he was just beating her up and stuff.

I'm sure he was probably worried for you, though, because he could see your distress and see, yeah, see what was happening. Yeah, yeah. I think as I was running away, I think he even said, I think I did hear him kind of shout, like, what are you doing?  Because I don't even know he, I, I don't know what he could see at that point.

Sure. Cause it was like, there was trees and, and I don't know whatever bushes and stuff around. So I don't even know what he could even see. He just sees me running and he's like, what are you doing?  I'm not going to like turn around and be like, okay, so this is, yeah, because he didn't hear them yelling in the first place.

Right. Exactly. So so yeah, so it was a little bit, a little bit of a unique situation there, which, you know, but yeah, I don't know. I'm sorry that you went through that. That's horrible  to experience and then  to not know, like what happened or, yeah, I know. So I go, I drive past. Their house, like, you know every once in a while, and I just kind of look over like as if I can see through the walls, you know, you can't, you just don't know.

I just,  I kind of just you know, just wonder and about her and her son, especially, and just kind of pray that,  you know, they're doing okay or something. I don't really know what else to do. I'm definitely not going up to their, to their to their door. Good job. Yeah. Oh, gosh. Hey, how's it going? Hey, it's me just checking in. 

I'm like, no, I'm good. Yeah. Oh, gosh.  You see his truck there. So, you know,  yeah, I can see it every once in a while. Yeah. Yeah. So  that would be so hard. It is. It is very strange. Yeah. It's a really, and then it may, so I kind of just look at the world a little bit differently, to be honest with you since that time of, you know, like you said, it happens everywhere across every range of, you know demographic and So now I kind of just look at people and I just differently, like, are you going through something or are you a person who's putting somebody through something or, you know, which side of the fence are you on and, or are you, are you good to go?

You know, I don't know. It just does make me pause a little bit more just kind of looking at the world a little bit differently in that, you know, it's one thing to hear, like,  tell their story and you sort of like have like a vision in your mind of maybe how it happened. And I think that was so shocking to me.

It was like  any story in the world that I heard that was so violent, you know, from past victims or whatever,  there's just.  Sincerely, nothing like seeing it, seeing something like that happen. Like in real time, real life, it's not a movie. It's not just an image in my head. This really is happening. And I think that was what was so shocking.

Cause I've heard lots of stories and read lots of stories and,  you know, all kinds of different things, but to really see this type, this level of violence And, and that's, and as bad as that was, it's not even the worst it can really get. And women go through even more than, than what she went through and in real life.

And I don't know, it was, it was just shocking to me. Like it really sad that humans treat, treat other humans like that, you know? So, right. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Yeah. Gosh. Well, thank you so much for sharing that with us because  I'm sure that that will help a lot of other people because. We never think about, you know, what would I do if that happened or what is the best thing for me to do if that happens.

So now those of us who have heard this know, you know, that just to recap that instead of running towards it, even though we really want to, yeah, just dial 911  first and then record it. And when we're. You know, when  we're stuck in fight or flight and we can't dial the right numbers, if there's any way that we can help ourselves breathe, like  breathe, right, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in and breathe out and just calm your body down.

Yes. You know, if we're able to remember that, that would be helpful too.  Or even like practicing on your phone. Like  You don't even have to put your code in first, right?  Find out where that is on your phone. Just  the instant button. Right, right. Yes. Yeah,  exactly. So, well, thank you so much for coming on and  you are going to be the best counselor ever.

You already, like you are, but without the letters behind your name,  we were in high school. Like people come talk to you because they know that you're the one who's going to  talk them through it and help them feel better.  Oh, that's so sweet. I mean, I've needed so much help myself. I just know what it's like to be on the other end, you know?

So  we all do. And we've. I've been through stuff, but yeah, some people have a natural inclination like you do to want to help her to have a caring heart. So so I'm excited for you on your journey to do that. Thank you. Well, I appreciate everything that you do. It's amazing. I just. I just have just watched your, you know, your, you grow from taking the self defense classes to just all this, the information you put out and all the interviews and just everything.

It's truly incredible. It's amazing. So I have so much respect for what you do and just like, I'm kind of in awe.  Thank you. Also. Yeah, seriously. I'm glad that you found it helpful and yeah,  I just hope,  you know, when  certain  things happen in your life, it's like, you know, you, you  could keep it to yourself.

And I did for so long, but once it's been a while, and as one of my friends said, when it's not a wound, it's a scar. Yeah. Then you're able to help. You know, a little bit more,  you're helping here and naturally you probably wouldn't have wanted to talk about this the day after,  but now that it's been a while  and you've been able to process it a little bit and think through it that definitely helps and what you're sharing here today will help a lot of our listeners.

So thank you. Awesome. Awesome. You're welcome. I'm really glad I could do it. Thank you thanks for being a fan of the Aware and Prepared podcast. Show it some love by leaving a review, and don't forget to hit follow so you can catch future episodes. To book me to speak and transform your audience, go to my website, awareandprepared. life, L I F E. To join my VIPs who get each episode's lessons learned, resource links, and more, go sent directly to you.

Sign up is also at my website where you'll find a free gift when you do. The link is in the show notes. I'll talk with you next week. Remember you are worthy of a safe and peaceful life.