Aware And Prepared
Hello! This is the Aware and Prepared podcast. I'm your host, Mandi Pratt, a trained domestic violence advocate. I teach women and vulnerable populations how to be street smart. I'm a mom with a gnarly backstory from almost two decades ago. The FBI showed up at my door one day to alert me that my abusive ex had become wanted for multiple bank robberies. Our story was in the news (a few times). I was tired of feeling vulnerable and learned how to keep myself and my son safer. I wish when I was a young woman I'd known about red flags to watch for in relationships, and had learned how to be street smart. This podcast is for 15-year-old me and is meant for families and community groups to listen to together. After all, women's safety is a community issue. I'll share with you stories like mine and interview detectives, psychologists and many other experts to NOT only hear their jaw-dropping stories, but also what we learn from them to prevent harm for our every youth and grown up listening. I don't want anyone else to have to go through what I did - scared, vulnerable and needing decades of counseling and healthcare to heal. I want you to feel safer with less fear and more power!
You can find more from me at my website or my Instagram:
WEB: https://womenawareandprepared.com/podcast/
IG: https://www.instagram.com/womenawareandprepared/
Aware And Prepared
Don’t Make This Mistake: Words That Hurt (and Heal) Abuse Survivors
“Why didn’t she leave?” It may sound harmless, but this one question shifts blame onto survivors and lets perpetrators off the hook. The truth is, language shapes how we view abuse — and the words we use can either hurt survivors or help them heal.
Hear how to spot victim-blaming language, reframe it to encourage accountability, and use your words to create safer, more supportive spaces. Through real-life examples and practical tips, you’ll discover how even small shifts in language can make a big difference.
By listening, you’ll learn:
- How to reframe harmful phrases into language that holds perpetrators accountable.
- Why your words matter in shaping culture, allyship, and survivor support.
- Three simple questions to ask yourself before speaking to ensure your language supports healing, not harm.
Listen in to learn how you can avoid this common mistake — and use your voice to be an ally!
RESOURCES
Connect with Mandi:
- Website: MandiPratt.com (Take the Intuition Quiz!)
- Instagram: @WomenAwareAndPrepared
- LinkedIn: Mandi Pratt
Listen to the past few episodes to learn how to be a better ally here and here.
Hey, brave one. Welcome back to the Aware and Prepared Podcast. So we've been hearing a lot lately this question, why didn't she leave? We've been hearing this after the P Diddy case. By the way, if you haven't yet listened to the episode where Al Re, a sexual assault lawyer joins us to break down this case. I'll put the link in the show notes. Um, make sure that you've heard that. So what's important, how we frame harassment and abuse. It's important how we use language. So I wanna talk about this, which is so deceptively simple, but incredibly powerful. The words that we choose when we talk about harassment, assault, or abuse. The way that we frame situations can either encourage accountability or reinforce victim blaming, and it affects how society perceives these issues. By the end of this episode, you'll learn how the language you can use, the language you use can validate survivors shift responsibility to the right people. And support allyship so you can actively create safer spaces in your community, workplace, and personal life. Let's look at some quick examples here. I have three examples. Number one, actually four. If you count the first one where I said, oh, cut that. Okay. Here's three examples. Number one, she was attacked versus. A man attacked her on her run. Both described the same event, right? But the second one clearly names the perpetrator and shifts focus to accountability. Let me just repeat that. She was attacked versus a man attacked her on her run. The second one names the perpetrator and shifts that focus to accountability. Number two, why didn't she leave versus. Why did he abuse her, or what circumstances shaped his abusive behavior? That first question subtly blames the survivor. You know, why didn't she leave, or why did she stay so long? While the second encourages understanding the causes of harm and the responsibility of the perpetrator. I had people ask me that, you know, why didn't you leave? Why didn't you leave before you had your son? You know, well, why did my former partner keep abusing me? Right? That's the better. Question number three, you've heard this one. Well, what was she wearing right when there's an assault versus what made him think he had the right to violate her space or assault her? Again, the focus is on the perpetrator's actions, not the survivor's choices again. Not what was she wearing, but what made him think he had the right to violate her space? So we're putting the focus on the issue, not the victim. So why does this matter for allyship? So when men, colleagues, friends or family members use language deliberately, they model accountability and they signal support for survivors and they challenge cultural norms that excuse harassment or abuse. Language is a tool. Small adjustments can have a huge impact. So of course, you know, we wanna address, if somebody is, you know, making fun of disrespecting a girl or a woman, you know, we wanna stop that and just be curious, like, oh, what ma, you know, what makes you say that? Or where is that coming from? Or, you know, you just wanna make them rethink things. So again, language is. Important. So here's a quick tip that you can use today. Here's three quick tips you can use today before telling a story or discussing an incident, ask yourself, am I focusing on the person harmed or the person causing harm? Number two, am I reinforcing victim blaming or encouraging accountability? And number three, can I rephrase this to make it clear who is responsible? So this. Ties into allyship directly and being a protective. Being a proactive ally isn't just about actions. It's about how you communicate and how you reinforce accountability and how you create an environment that supports survivors and supports women in general. So this ends our series on allyship. Next week we're gonna focus on. What the heck was social media? I'm so mad. Instagram stop and Apple stop. It's like, are they being careless or clueless with our safety? Instagram introduced these location, you know, where you can share your location and it's like there's another. Issue that, you know, parents have to deal with, or we have to think, think through ourselves. Is this safe? You know, they're not, it's like they don't think of the, the, the depth of what they're doing and what this can mean. Like, you have to think, you have stalkers, you know, using your tech. So what does that mean? So they need to put parameters in place to be. Protective if they're gonna release that type of crap. So see, I'm already going off on a tangent here because I wanna talk about that so bad. Um, so anyway, I will talk about that next week and share with you how to just turn off all of your location services and stuff just to not even have that be an issue. And we're gonna talk about a specific story, a murder of, uh, four students and. What led up to that why? And some things that we can do, um, just to make sure that, um, we're staying as safe as we can naturally, you know, without freaking out. It's just a couple different, you know, fine tuning things that we can do, um, just to kind of nip this in the bud. So I'm really excited to talk to you about that next week. So, without further ado, I hope that you will share this episode again with your family and friends and just talk about this with them, you know, language, what have you heard, where it seems like the blame is on the victim, not perpetrator. So maybe if you're watching the news together, you can be like, ah, I caught that. Did you catch that? You know, just start to be more aware of it and help others be aware of it too. Alright, talk to you next week. Thank you so much for listening.