Aware And Prepared

Collective Harm in America: Trauma, Grief, Anger, and Finding Safety Together

• Mandi Pratt • Season 3 • Episode 38

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How do we take care of ourselves when we are seeing violence, heartbreak, and fear unfold across the United States every day? It feels helpless! Hear Mandi and Dr. Keean talk honestly about collective harm in America and how it impacts our nervous systems, our emotions, and our sense of safety. They explain why forcing positivity during painful times can disconnect us from reality and why fear, anger, grief, and disbelief are natural and healthy responses, not signs of weakness.

Together, they explore how trauma lives in the body, why current events can trigger past experiences, and how movement, community, intuition, and speaking up help release pressure from the nervous system. This conversation offers validation for survivors and anyone feeling overwhelmed or unsafe, reminding listeners that healing does not come from silence or shutting down, but from connection, self trust, and allowing our emotions to move through us, especially now in early 2026.


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The primary purpose of the Women Aware and Prepared Podcast is to educate and inform. This podcast series does not constitute advice or services. Please use common sense for your own situation.

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 Hey, brave one. Welcome to the Aware and Prepared Podcast. I'm your host, Mandy Pratt, trauma-informed, resilient speaker, domestic violence victim advocate, and narcissistic abuse survivor. Here we keep it real with true crime stories and real world strategies. To prevent emotional and physical harm, my guests and I share a mix of insight and survivor grit, all to help you feel safer, trust yourself more deeply, and live with greater peace and power.

Let's trade fear for freedom and step into the peace that you deserve.

Hey, welcome back to the Aware and Prepared Podcast. Today I have a returning guest with us and he is a friend of mine and I'm so happy that he is here with us. So, Dr. Kian Menard, Sade. Is a nationally recognized trauma expert, holistic coach, doctor of psychology, and social media thought leader with over 200,000 followers across his platforms, and I'll be sure to share those.

His viral content helps millions understand how trauma lives in the body and how emotional intelligence can heal survival patterns. Dr. Menard specializes in the neurobiology of trauma, nervous system regulation, and the psychological effects of childhood emotional neglect.

In 2013, he was featured on the Dr. Phil Show as a Polycom guest psychology advocate, and supports clients worldwide in reclaiming their self-worth and emotional safety. So thank you so much for being here, Dr. K, and we're so happy you're here. 

Absolutely. Thanks for having me back. I'm 

excited to be here.

You're welcome. You're welcome. Today I asked you to come on and talk about something really, really important, and I did not just ask anybody because this is very sensitive, this topic, and I trust you. So I'm going to read your recent post on Instagram. On Instagram.

You're the holistic therapist, and it said, pushing people to stake positive during collective harm and violence disconnects them from their lived reality and teaches. Teaches emotional suppression. It doesn't build strength. It trains the nervous system to bypass pain and suppress healthy threat responses.

That's not resilience. It's obedient, dressed up as healing. So I loved when you said that, and we're gonna talk about what's happening in America today. So we have listeners from all over, but mostly America. And mostly I believe even in California where you and I live. So, um, we are, you know, heartbroken by what we're seeing here in America.

This is a humanity issue. And that's why I wanna speak up because I go out and I speak on stages about how to live safer with more peace. And like if I didn't talk about what's happening in America right now, I feel like I would not be true to myself and aligned with what I am passionate about.

I'm passionate about people living in peace and safety, so that's why we are here today. So thank you so much. 

Yeah, absolutely. And, and, uh, yeah, really well said. Um, I was, uh, just watching a clip. I'm trying to remember on, uh. But there's been a lot of, uh, content out there and, uh, there was a therapist talking about how you can't hold space for trauma without acknowledging systems that are perpetuating the trauma.

Right? 

Right. And so you being on stages and talking about, you know, these things, you have to identify what's the root of everything. Exactly. And it's really important that we do that. Right? Yeah. And like you said, it's a humanity issue. We're really looking at like what, uh, we just have, everyone's nervous systems right now are deeply impacted by what's going on.

Mm-hmm. 

And there's just so much to say about that. There's so much to talk about. 

Yeah, and you know, I, I see some people on there trying to help and like giving different grounding exercises and, and I've even tried to do that too, but it's just like, God, like what do you, it feels overwhelming. And so I know for myself, you know, I've tried to take care of myself through this, but also.

Speaking up and also calling in to my senators and my house representative and sharing, what I want them to do because we forget they work for us. We're the boss. Mm-hmm. Right. They work for us, so. If we don't do anything, they just go with what they think, you know?

So it's so important and I have been sharing on my Instagram, um, all about the five calls.org where you can call. It's so easy that you put in your zip code and then they give you your reps, and then they even give you a script if you don't know what to say. Um, or it's easy to just look up your. Um, your senator, if you don't know who they are by now, I think most people do, but some might not.

Um, and on their page you can just email them 'cause some people aren't comfortable calling. Some people would rather email. So anyway, I'll be sure to drop that stuff in the show notes. But isn't it. Important for us to do something right? You can't like, just keep to yourself and like implode.

Yes. Yes. And, um, you know, we were talking earlier a little bit about what we want to kind of discuss in this episode and it's, you know, it's a, it's a heavy thing. Um, first of all, just kind of like acknowledging what's going on, right. Minnesota and, we're, we're all hurting and heartbroken and, you know, the, the deaths of Renee, Nicole Goode and Alex Prety, you know, are everyone that's been impacted by this, uh, their nervous systems are trying to find safety.

Right? We're in a collective scramble. 

Exactly. 

It's something that, you know, we are constantly inundated with messages, um, of fear. Right. And, uh, there's a lot of, uh, trepidation and in general, it's the conditions the nervous system is experiencing. Mm-hmm. And we don't wanna override the alarms. 

Instead of responding to the threat,

yeah. And there's so many others who have passed, you know, in detention centers or elsewhere, and we we're seeing that, you know, and like you said, it is. It's not even just in Minnesota. The worst of it is, but I mean mm-hmm.

Here around, you know, Southern California, it's, you know, it's happening and we, we clearly see now that it's also US citizens. And even if it wasn't like. We treat people with humanity, right? And in the Constitution it says that if you're in America, you receive the due process of law. It says if you're a person, not if you're a citizen.

And I, I've shared that with some people and they just, they, they won't listen. I can't help anybody, you know, that's whatever I, I'm just trying to do the best I can. Mm-hmm. But, but like we're talking about is the real issue is humanity, right? So we're talking about people walking on two legs, right?

So every person 

mm-hmm. 

Deserves to. Not be traumatized. Like even if you think about like in the prison system, right? So yes, they've done wrong, and so yes, they need to be behind bars, but people aren't allowed to be, you know, shooting them or whatever the case. So it's about human rights.

Well, absolutely. And you know what I like to talk about, regarding what we're collectively going through with this harm and violence that's unfolding around us is the idea of mobilization and basically like when we look at, you know how fear, anger, grief, and disbelief aren't dysfunction.

They're information, the body's processing. Right. Yeah. And I talk about this in a post because a lot of us don't really think about what happens like psychologically in order of events, in our nervous system, in our body, right? And so the first thing is we have fear, which is the primary alarm, and then this is like the immediate and visceral response that we have.

And then anger and the rage is mobilizing energy. So it's the body signaling something is wrong. Mm-hmm. And we have to do something about it. Right. Right. Like movement, call to action. It's kind of like that thing of okay, we can't just absorb the fear and not act. Exactly. 'cause that's the immobilization.

We want to turn it into mobilizing energy. 

Right. 

And then the grief is the recognition of the loss. We're, we're recognizing that there's been a lot of loss and what comes once reality lands is this is unfolding around us. 

Mm-hmm. 

And, and feeling the, the shock. It's the next thing. Right. So it's that disbelief.

It's the cognitive shock of I can't believe this is happening. And what you're speaking to when you say, I go out on stages and you know. I can't not talk about this. It's the true regulation that is not silence. It's staying present with what's happening without numbing, without shutting down, without dissociating, right?

With without, uh, essentially gaslighting yourself, right? Mm-hmm. Or any of this bypassing, 

right? 

And so we don't heal by normalizing the harm. We don't heal by adapting. To what's harming us, and we don't heal by accepting like this danger as like a baseline of what's around us.

Mm-hmm. We heal by allowing this full spectrum of emotion to move through the body and not force neutrality or this kind of like optimistic perspective in. Destabilizing or unsafe times. 

Mm-hmm. 

Right. So we we're really just allowing ourselves and our body to do what it naturally does. 

Mm. 

And when I'm kind of talking about this, I think the one thing that kind of stands out to me a lot is like it's the tolerance for discomfort in other people's bodies.

Not truth or reality. Right. So, so like other people around us that may not be acting or having the same reaction, it's the tolerance that they have in their own body for discomfort. Mm-hmm. And when you lean into the heaviness of something that's happening and you tap into the reality of what's unfolding around you mm-hmm.

It doesn't feel comfortable. It, it, it takes you through that whole emotional rollercoaster. And it's, it, it can be a heaviness and a, and a darkness that you feel. Mm-hmm. 

Mm-hmm. 

But your ability to go into that is what allows you to not shut down and to stay awake and to stay alert. Right. And to not dissociate.

Mm-hmm. Because for a lot of people, right, the, the discomfort and their tolerance for discomfort in their own body is very minimal. And so you may be saying to someone, I'm experiencing this right now, and they're not experiencing the same thing because they don't have that tolerance for discomfort in their body.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Or it's not the same, you know? It's not the same. 

Right. Exactly. 

So I think that's something really important, you know? 



I wanted to note that because, I live, with my partner and we've been married for like 18 years now, and he's so like even keeled and I'm like, you know, the artist who's, I'm not as even keeled, right?

Um, 

yeah. 

And it's funny how you're saying like how we both respond. Like he's very upset too, you know, and I'm upset. But it's interesting because for me. This is really triggering because I come from before him, an abusive marriage. Mm-hmm. And I come from somebody yelling at me, you effing B, and then doing violence on me.

So to see that on TV with Renee good. Was just like, just so like people need to think about that too, you know? Yeah. People who've been through something similar like that. Okay. So it's truly terrible already. And then for that, and then to see that officer so far get away with it, it's just like what happens to so many women?

Every day, you know? It's not on TV usually, but just that is just so, so triggering and so it's already really difficult to see and then that just like goes even deeper. So I feel like. You know, the worst thing we can possibly do is just try to stuff it down. And like you were talking about dissociate, like that's so not healthy.

So mobilizing, like you said, and I feel like grief, you know. Grief, like sadness and anger, like are so intertwined, right? And so a lot of times maybe we don't realize that. And so I feel like we go back and forth between feeling sad and feeling mad and feeling all these things. And it is important for us to feel these things, like you were saying.

Mm-hmm. Absolutely. And you know, I'm thinking about something as you're talking and I'm trying to put the best words to it. What we're kind of experiencing as a nation or just as people in humanity, right, witnessing these things is there's a, is a shared trauma state resonance. And so what this is, is that we're witnessing something that creates this unintegrated memory stored in the limbic system.

So during sleep, the brain naturally processes memory, and, people's nervous systems, yours and the people around you, they reenter that memory without time context. And so the hippocampus fails to clearly mark that this is the past. And so what you're describing is like this abusive relationship that you were in.

This is pulling you into this, this memory space, and your hippocampus is failing to clearly mark. This is not happening to you now. Mm-hmm. And so it's not only the witness of the violence of how horrific it is right now, it's the addition of this triggering you into your past and your amygdala. Asking the question, am I safe?

Is, is this violence happening to me? Right? Because you're holding it in your body, right? Mm-hmm. And so this is really important because we're looking at like flashbacks, where the hippocampus is blurring the past and the present. And this is kind of neurologically speaking, but. You're being, you and all the people being exposed to these things with past trauma are being deeply flooded in their system with these kinds of triggers.

Right? Right. Because the memory is holding that. The hippocampus is holding the memories, but when we're in trauma and we're in a re-traumatization space, especially as a nation right, or as a society, people. Mm-hmm. Our brains get overloaded and can't tell the difference between what's happening now and what's happened in the past to us.

Right. And so we're experiencing trauma from both sides. 

Mm-hmm. 

Right. Especially people that have been victims of trauma. 

Mm-hmm. 

Um, victims of abusive relationships, which we're seeing. We're seeing a lot of disempowerment, we're seeing a lot of death, we're seeing a lot of violence. Um, we're being exposed to this repeatedly.

Mm-hmm. Over and over. Right. And our nervous systems are scrambled trying to find safety. 

Right. 

And we don't know where is safe. 

Right. 

And as human beings, we can empathize with other human beings. If you have the ability to empathize, if you have emotional intelligence mm-hmm. You can do that. 

Right. 

And so I think when you're talking about.

Your reaction to these things, it makes perfect sense. You know? Because this is how a lot of people are feeling, 

right? Yeah, exactly. And I just think it's so interesting too, how it's like I watch these things unfold and it's just like, this is like out of the playbook of Davo, D-A-R-V-O. 

Yeah. Deny attack, reverse victim, offender.

Absolutely. 

The gaslighting, all of that. It's just like mm-hmm. 

I, okay, 

I know this, I know this game. 

Yep. But it's on a grand scale. And, you know, um, when we see people that seek to disempower us and we're consciously aware of the ways in which their dysfunctional behavior presents itself, we can be more consciously aware of how to respond.

Right. And you're absolutely right. It's just the same thing out of that playbook. 

Mm-hmm. Right. And I remember, you know, back then going through that, I remember the way out of that was to not enter into the crazy making. So don't take the bait and go down the crazy making rabbit hole as much as you can, you know?

So I remember learning to not. Enter into this person's cycle, you know, where they just wanna keep me looped in there and just keep me crazy. 

Mm-hmm. 

Um, so I remember it was important for myself to step out of that as much as I could. Mm-hmm. And live my life while still, you know, doing what was.

Human and, you know, taking care of myself. 

Absolutely. It's the gaslighting, it's the, you know, is the stove on? I smell something burning, but then I'm getting this messaging that says, no, it's not right. And it clearly is. And like, you know, this is on such a large scale and there's so much disempowerment going on.

There, there are very horrific events taking place right now. 

Right, right. 

And so, you know, when we think about the anger and the rage and those emotions about mobilizing, it's definitely important, right? Mm-hmm. It's almost like, uh, I look at it like a pressure valve.

Yeah, exactly. 

And you're, you're building, building so much pressure, right, in your body. There's so much of an emotional response. Right. And there has to be a release, there has to be Exactly. Movement. Right? We have elimination systems for everything, 

right? Yeah. 

This is the same. 

Right. So when people are trying to figure out how to actually help themselves.

Everybody's gonna be different. Um, I know that finding community is important, not just isolating yourself is important. Um, like you were saying, literally move, like go for a walk. Walk it out. Mm-hmm. I mean, there's so many things. Everybody's so different. I guess just addressing that, like I want our listeners to know how can they support themselves?

You know, I think first of all, just validating, Hey, this is really, like you just said, it's really horrible. 

Mm-hmm. Yes. And that collective healing is so important, right? Is that we're, we're seeing this across the country. There's mobilization of collective healing, right? There's mobilization of collective.

Anger, collective rage, collective responses 

mm-hmm. 

Of, of releasing that pressure out of the body and the nervous system. Mm-hmm. And so, you know, we don't heal individually. We, we heal in community with one another. We heal when someone says, I see you. 

Right. 

You know, I'm holding space for this. I'm experiencing what you are telling me.

Or even if I'm not experiencing it. I'm here for this conversation. I'm with you in this moment. A lot of us, you know, we're healing in different ways and there are some that may not have, you know, tolerance for discomfort in their body or their tolerance, excuse me, would look different in their body.

Sure. 

And so just acknowledging that too, right from the place of emotional intelligence and understanding the nervous system, right? This person doesn't have capacity. Or they don't, their tolerance looks different for discomfort in their body. Not everybody can go and look at the reality of what's going on.

Right. It's easier to dissociate, shut down, disconnect and 

Right. 

That's how a lot of people survive, unfortunately. 

Yeah. I just literally last week had a forensic psychologist on talking about that. Exactly. Mm-hmm. About the different faces of trauma and what the survival skills are and we might look at like perfectionism and people pleasing and we might look at that as like a flaw, but it's not.

It was a survival mechanism that helped us get through that. And everybody's different, you know, on what they gear more towards, like perfectionism or anger or whatever. So yeah. Super, super important. Oh 

yeah, definitely. 

Yeah. But I, I guess what I really want listeners to walk away with is to feel validated.

Mm-hmm. 

And to feel like, yes, you have somebody who, you have a community right here, the two of us, a lot of other people listening. A lot of people are very upset as well, and mm-hmm. Um, just wanna validate that. 

Yeah, absolutely. And, and I think it's important that we talk about it.

It's important that we talk about it together, that we don't isolate. Mm-hmm. That we don't shut down. 

Right. 

And that we have that movement throughout the body and that movement throughout our community and connecting with other people knowing that we're not alone. Right. And you're right. It's like that, that validation of like, there are.

Places of safety. 

Mm-hmm. 

A lot of people's nervous systems are scanning for am I safe or unsafe? Right. Right. And clearly they're feeling very unsafe. 

Yeah. 

Uh, a lot of people are. And so just even talking about the fact that there are safe places is. Is soothing to the brain. 

Mm-hmm. 

Mm-hmm. There's a place where your brain can go and rest.

There's a place where your nervous system can rest, and there's a place where you know it can rest with trust in that community. 

Right. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I know for myself, when I talk to somebody I haven't talked to in a while, I'm always like on edge, like,



well, I think we wanna have like compassion towards ourselves and understand looking at how people cope or how people respond as the tolerance for discomfort in their body.

If we can understand that that's the tolerance of discomfort that they have in their body, that gives us a lot of information about will this person be able to hold the space that I need? Will this person be able to reflect back the reality I'm experiencing? 

Mm-hmm. 

Or will they need to minimize that reality?

Or you know, push it down, push it away, pretend it doesn't exist. Mm-hmm. Push optimism, force positivity. Mm-hmm. And that gives me a lot of information, right? Mm-hmm. About where I decide to be vulnerable. Mm-hmm. Where I decide to. Share what I'm experiencing in my body, 

right. 

Or what my thoughts are. 

Mm-hmm.

And I think right now we should be mindful of that information we're receiving. 

Mm-hmm. Yeah, definitely. Definitely. Yeah. And now is really the time to take care of yourself.

And noticing like I've been giving myself permission to not get everything done that I was supposed to get done, you know?

Yeah. Yeah. And just go a lot slower.

Mm-hmm. 

Going outside more, um, connecting with. People I know that are like safe people and then, it, it feels so cool. Like, I just have to say I've been out to a couple of the different, um, protests and it's like these perfect strangers I see on the street, you know?

I end up chitchatting with them and like, yes, it feels, yeah, 

me too. 

Mm-hmm. Yeah, it definitely feels like a community and, um, it just feels good to know you're not alone and that you're, you're doing something, you know? And yes, we'll get the occasional flip off from the car that drives by, but I always just give them the peace sign because I'm like, dude, if mm-hmm.

We. Keep doing that and hate. Okay. And then I'm gonna face you off with hate and I'm gonna face you off with, That's why, that's why we're here, basically. And so 

mm-hmm. 



Yeah. Yeah. I, I think a lot of us are responding to dehumanization. 

We're trying to make sense of, you know, it's very hard to wrap your mind around 

mm-hmm. 

Violence. And harm that's unfolding and also at the pace it's unfolding. 

Yeah. 

The frequency. 

Right. 

Uh, there's so much to process and absorb. 

Right. 

And it's very overwhelming.

Yeah. And I think if there's people that you can, you know, be in protest with and stand on the street next to, and these are, you know, neighbors or. Maybe even people you don't even know. Right? Yeah. You just kind of walk by knowing that there's mobilization happening. 

Mm-hmm. 

Takes away some of that feeling of disempowerment.

It sure does. Yeah. It does, 

and I think it's, it's very powerful to kind of stand in that space and be a part of a protest and mm-hmm. Be a part of, you know, especially for survivors whose voices have been silenced in the past. What a powerful way, right. To, to teach your body 

mm-hmm. 

And your nervous system that you can take up space.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So what would you say. To people who say, well then stop scrolling Instagram, or stop watching the news. 

Hmm hmm.

Well, I think, again, it goes back to your tolerance for discomfort in your body. And part of what I mean by that is, you know, there's a, there's a correlation between emotional intelligence and that, right? Because those of us who have been working on that and building that as a muscle, understand that we have to tap into that in order to hold space for what's happening, in order to really look at it mm-hmm.

With compassion and empathy and understanding. 

Mm-hmm. 

And not gaslight ourselves or minimize the situation just because of discomfort. 

Right. 

I would say to those people, right, um, this is giving me information about your level of tolerance for discomfort in your body.

Mm-hmm. And maybe that's something you can explore. Right. And I think, you know, it's not our job to pull someone out of a space that they're in. 

Yeah. 

Um, to get them to see our perspective. Right. We can't really force those things. 

Right. 

Um, but I think it's definitely an opportunity for them to witness what can come of someone who isn't shut down and who's willing to look at what's happening 

mm-hmm.

And do something about it. 

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. People who have been going along with. What's happening and haven't spoken up or don't see a problem with it, and maybe now they're starting to see a problem with it. How do we help them so that they can, process through that and say, you know, yes, I, I see that now, how do we support if that happens?

If someone sees that they had blind spots before.

So I would say that, you know, when I approach everything I think about from a compassionate lens, I think about from understanding even when it's hard, even when it's difficult. Especially when harm has been done. 

Mm-hmm. 

I look at it as kind of imagining yourself as a fire and you're providing warmth.

Right. And people can witness that. They can witness the fire, they can know that it's burning. They can decide to stand by it and get a little bit warm. But a fire's job is to stay contained. It doesn't extend. Beyond its circumference. The flames only go a certain amount, right? Mm-hmm. Tall or however far it goes.

Mm-hmm. 

The fire still does its job, right. It, it keeps the warmth 

right. 

And I think it's important that people don't over-function in trying to reach another person to meet them in their capacity for discomfort. Right. Does that make sense? 

Totally. Yeah. 

Yeah. So I would say, especially for trauma survivors, right?

We don't wanna exhaust ourselves trying to get another person to understand, and it can be really hard knowing about someone's, uh, limits and accepting someone's capacity. Mm-hmm. Or discomfort. 

Right. Um. 

They may even want to change their mind or do things differently, but wanting to do something versus what your nervous system will allow you to do are different things.

People have capacity for some things, 

right, 

and they want to do other things. But again, it boils down to, you know, how much capacity do you have? 

Mm-hmm. 

And sometimes capacity takes a lot of work. It takes a lot of work to build that capacity, to have that understanding, to sharpen the emotional intelligence.

Right. 

And oftentimes nervous systems are running on autopilot. 

Yeah. 

And so again, I think it's important to remember we can only meet people in their limits, in their space of capacity. 

Right. Yeah. 

And we don't wanna over-function as trauma survivors, but we do wanna, you know, let other people witness what's being done.

Mm-hmm. 

And I think everybody can feel the heat that comes from a fire. 

Mm-hmm. 

Especially if they're really cold, especially if they're frozen and they need to thaw out. 

Sure. Yeah. 

And so it's our job to kind of just be present and be there. 

Mm-hmm. 

And if someone decides to come to the fire, then allowing that to happen.

And we don't control the, the rate at which they do it or the frequency or how long it takes. 

Mm-hmm. 

But just keeping yourself focused on what are you doing in your body. Mm-hmm. To release the pressure. 

Right. 

And move. The emotions out of your body and through your body 

mm-hmm. 

Through that movement we're talking about.

Right. 

Which I know you're really good at. Uh, you know, breaking down and explaining for people is that movement is so important and it's not just, um, you know, an analogy. It's the, the literal in the literal sense. 

A hundred percent. Yeah, exactly. 

Yeah. Yeah. 

Well, thank you so much for being here with us. I feel like we could talk about this for days, but um, we just appreciate the time that you've given to us today on this.

So I will drop in the show notes, some of the things we talked about in the beginning and then also your, website and your social media. And is there anything else that you'd like to leave us with as we close this out? 

Yeah, I just wanna say thank you for the opportunity to come on and talk about this.

And it's important that we talk about things that are unfolding around us 

Yeah. 

Like this, that are so devastating and heartbreaking. And, I'm grateful that you, created the space to talk about it and. Everything I share is from, you know, the lens of my own experience. 

And I just encourage people to keep that in mind.

You know, everybody is gonna have different perspectives on Oh yeah. How to navigate these things. 

Yeah. 

Um, but I speak from the. The lens of what's happening neurologically or neurobiologically in our body. 

Right. 

As you know, I talk about the neuroscience of healing. 

Mm-hmm. 

And I can definitely see how a lot of people's nervous systems have been, you know, scrambled and shaken up.

Mm-hmm. By what we're witnessing. 

Right. 

And I think it's a wonderful thing that, you know, you had me on to discuss this and. And I just encourage people to move and mobilize and speak up in your communities and hold space for others with the capacity that you do have. Right? Um, a lot of us are traumatized and being, you know, impacted again after we've already gone through overwhelming life events as 

One does in life. So I would just encourage, that, we, we do continue to mobilize and move and that we express those emotions that come up even if they're not positive. 

Mm-hmm. 

Or, you know, something that people are comfortable holding. 

Right. Exactly. Talking about systems and what we're programmed for, you know, like we did in the beginning, just makes me think of like, you know how so many of us are taught to not be angry, you know, like anger is a bad thing.

It's not a bad thing. It's a signal from your body telling you, you know? And so you do need to process that through, in ways that are safe for you and those around you. Of course. 

Exactly, and I think you bring up a great point, uh, speaking directly to those people who have, uh, had the message most of their life, that, you know, negative emotions are not safe to express, and that they've had to be only positive, only joyful, only regulated, uh, for other people.

Mm-hmm. 

Um, specifically to those people. I would just encourage you to let those negative emotions, or even just emotions that are just not, uh, positive. Mm-hmm. I dunno if I'd call them negative, but just emotions that are heavier. Right. And that maybe you didn't have other people around you that could hold space for those emotions.

Doesn't mean that there aren't people now. And so we're seeing that right now. Right. Uh, as we That's 

such a good point. That's such a good point. Yeah. A lot of people in the past maybe haven't felt safe to let those emotions out. Um, but it's important to be around people that have the capacity, you know, for you to talk those things out.

Yes. And this 

can 

be a huge corrective experience. 

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

For those of us who have come from that background. 

Right. I saw a social media post the other day. I can't remember who it was from or anything, and it was like, who wants to meet up and just scream or something like, let's go grab coffee and scream.



Sent that to some of my best friends, so yeah. 

And there you go. I mean, if you need to go into the forest and scream or you need to go into a park or even just, I don't know, meet up for coffee and scream. Sure. Yeah. Right. 

Sit 

in the car 

together, sip your coffee and whatever. 

Yes.

And that can be such a healing experience, you know, of, of being around people that have capacity to hold negative emotions that don't require you. To be regulated and calm. Mm-hmm. And grounded and. Okay. All the time, right? Yes. That, that just allows space for those other emotions to breathe. 

Right? 

That's such a corrective experience for your nervous system.

So what a great, you know, host to see and opportunity and, 

right. 

Yeah. I think, uh, I think we could collectively just encourage people to, to do that. 

Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So as we wrap up, we talked a lot about. Inner peace and our nervous system and all of that. But I just wanted to also address physical safety.

So I also talk a lot about that. Uh, for myself, self-defense was something that helped me gain my power back after my crazy life experience. And I do share about that in episodes one and two about my story in the news with the FBI and all of that. But, um. Just coming back to that physical safety because a lot of us don't feel physically safe right now, especially if you are black or brown.

Right. And so, um, 

absolutely. 

Yeah. It's important to trust our intuition. That's something that, yes, I talk about self defense and different things like that, but at the heart of it is really going with what our intuition is telling us. As we go about, don't rationalize your intuition, I encourage you to actually listen to it.

Mm-hmm. Because it is a survival mechanism. Um. And I will drop in the show notes I do have on my website, a quick little quiz about how you're doing with your intuition, how you feel about that. Um, and then when you're done, I send you a link to a challenge if you want to challenge yourself to really begin to listen more to your intuition.

Um, because I have a framework, the first step is pausing, and we kind of mentioned that throughout, but you know. A lot of times when something's really bothering us, our intuition is trying to tell us something. We shut it up, don't we? We keep going. And it's like you wanna move faster so you don't have to actually stop and listen to it.

Um, but it's so important to pause and move slower and actually reflect on that and don't fight it, but. Invite that in. What? What is my brain actually trying to tell me? It's collecting all of these subconscious clues, right? And so now I listen to that,

And I think that's such a wonderful point because it's that learning to trust it. Because a lot of us have been, you know, programmed or conditioned to rely on sourcing our reality from others. 

Exactly. 

And so when we really lean into, okay, I'm witnessing what's happening, I'm having this somatic response in my body, this is enough information.

I don't need to outsource my reality through others, especially others who don't understand me or my experience. 

Exactly. Nobody is you. 

Nobody is you. And a lot of people are in that compulsive response because of the fear of being abandoned or rejected, and they're constantly outsourcing. Their experiences through others.

Mm-hmm. 

And so we're really learning to trust ourselves and lean into that. Mm-hmm. And it will feel very weird at first, but really leaning into it and saying, this is what I'm seeing. This is what I'm experiencing. This is what's thematically coming up for me. Mm-hmm. Here's the emotions that come with that.

Mm-hmm. Let me express them and decompress. My body and my nervous system so they get expressed. Mm-hmm. Instead of push them away and or look to others to validate that experience that I'm having. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. In order for it to be real, in order for it to be valid and in order for it to be truth. 

Yep.

Exactly. Thank you so much. Yeah. I feel like this was a really. Great conversation and really appreciate your, neuroscience expertise and, your lived experience as well and your wisdom. So thank you so much. We appreciate you. 

Thank you. And thanks for having me on again, and I love your mission and everything you stand for.

And just giving us the space to have this conversation. 

Thank you. 

Thanks for being here on the Aware and Prepared Podcast. Don't forget to hit Follow that little plus sign in your app in the top right, ensures you never miss an episode. Curious how tuned in your intuition really is. Take the free quiz at Aware and Prepared Life and get your score.

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