Beyond Calm: How to Heal Anxiety by Building True Safety in Your Body

True anxiety relief isn't about calm, it's about safety. 

We explore what it actually means for your nervous system to feel safe, how small, repeatable daily actions build that safety over time, and why your body may still feel on alert even when your mind knows you're okay. 

You'll also walk away with a simple audit to identify who and what is draining your sense of safety, plus a curiosity-based affirmation technique to try today. 

RESOURCES

Last episode with Tom on Getting Through Anxiety & Panic Attacks

National DV Hotline website and 1-800-799-SAFE

Nervous System Healing with Dr. Keean podcast / Instagram and Jen Mann Instagram

Connect with Mandi:

• Website: WomenAwareAndPrepared.com
• Take the Free Intuition Quiz WomenAwareAndPrepared.com/Quiz
• Instagram: @WomenAwareAndPrepared
• LinkedIn: Mandi Pratt

The primary purpose of the Women Aware and Prepared Podcast is to educate and inform. This podcast series does not constitute advice or services. Please use common sense for your own situation.

Transcript

 Hey, welcome back to the Aware and Prepared Podcast. I am so happy you're here where we learn to live safer with more peace, and I speak to you as a lived experience advocate from coming from an abusive. Marriage and then having the FBI show up at my door to tell me he was wanted for multiple felonies, which put me into complex PTSD after all of that that I went through.

So if you ever wanna hear that and you haven't heard that, that's in episodes one and two of this podcast. So today we are following up on the conversation that Tom and I had last week. About anxiety and panic attacks. So I wanted to go a little bit deeper into this because I was talking with a friend, and this prompted me to think more about the root cause of anxiety and panic and.

The interesting thing is what our body is seeking when it's going through anxiety and even panic, is not just calm, but safety and security. Our body is actually seeking that. So I just wanted to talk about what that actually looks like. So we're seeking not just calm, but peace and trust and. How we get there is gonna be different for everybody, but it's consistent safety signals sent to our body through small, repeatable, kind actions.

And then over time, we notice our body feels safer and the nervous system begins to soften. But before that, I just wanna share more about the conversation I had with my good friend who also had a gnarly backstory like I did. And she also is, remarried now and has been remarried for a few years. I've been remarried for 18.

Um, but she was saying that, it feels like she has to have a plan B and she still feels like she needs a safety net. And I could so relate to her. I was sharing that I had felt that way too, even years into my own marriage because our bodies, especially for those who've been through trauma, are get, you know, we're stuck in that hyper vigilance and that we need a safety net

so for those with difficult life histories, the brain knows you're safe now, but the body remembers when you weren't. So this shows up as always planning a. Plan B, staying braced for things to fall apart. And it's not a character flaw, it's a survival response that's been so ingrained into your body, right?

So why does safety get to the root? So by focusing on safety, not just calm, we're addressing the real issue. And I know you know. We're told to put your hand on your heart, tell yourself that you're safe now, but your brain wants to fight that. I know mine did, and sometimes it still does. And so for me, the, the key is when I'm saying an affirmation like that, I could put my hand on my heart and instead of saying I'm safe, now, I could say.

I'm starting to feel safer and safer. And so that signals to my brain to be curious instead of my brain going, wait, but I remember you weren't safe, so maybe you're not safe now. Right. Um, so it's so helpful to give our brains a cur curiosity. It's so helpful to give our brains curiosity. So then their job is to go figure that out, right?

And to be open to those micro steps, those micro changes. So like I was saying, what safety actually looks like is peace and trust. And maybe even slowing down. And I know that's a catch 22, 'cause I remember a lot of times when I slowed down it felt uncomfortable because I, it felt foreign, right? Because I was always in survival mode and go, go, go and do this.

Watch your back. You know, do all these things. So how do we get there? I mentioned. Okay, how do we get there? Consistent safety signals sent to our body through small, repeatable, kind actions. So over time we notice our body feels safer and the nervous system begins to soften. So examples of that could be.

Literally just slowing down. So many times I'm doing something and I'm like, why am I hurrying? I, I am not in a hurry. And so I slow myself down, like putting dishes away or something, you know, simple like that. And then savoring the present moment. So taking the time to sip my tea slowly and look out the window instead of.

You know, chug it down the best I can with hot tea and be on with it. Right? Um, it's even things like better sleep and hydration. So just actually taking care of our bodies, eating things that are. Actually nourishing for us, um, taking time away, whether that's a full day in nature, like I love to do whenever I can or just two minutes.

I'm gonna take two minutes. I'm gonna look up at the plant in my office and I'm gonna take a couple breaths or, and or compassionate inner dialogue. Last week we talked about. Talking with ourselves like we're a little child that needs help. So, you know, whether it's anxiety and panic or just your day to day, um, talk to yourself like you would a best friend.

And these are just micro steps. You can try out pick one. And it's being with co-regulate people right? And I wanna talk more about this soon, but have you noticed when you hang out with certain people, sometimes people are like full of energy, right? And you mirror that and so it ends up taking a lot of your energy or somebody who's calm, right?

And so you mirror that energy and you're calm and you feel like you can really open up with them maybe. So it's noticing that. And finding people. It doesn't, you don't have to hang out with people who are calm all the time, but people who make you feel safe and are nourishing to hang out with, whether that's energetic or calm, um, maybe you have a mix of those different types of friends, but the key is helping yourself, supporting yourself, so you don't need a safety net Eventually.

And you're continually in those little kind small baby steps helping prove to your brain and your body that we're actually okay. Now we're gonna be okay. So I,

let's see.

Something important to note is that the body cannot heal in an alarm state. So I remember back when I was going through the thick of it, you know, I was trying to heal, but there was always new drama. And so that took so much longer. It's like two steps back, one step forward, three steps back, two steps forward, you know what I mean?

Um, so it's really important to make an audit. Who or what makes your stomach tighten and your shoulders go up in your ears, right? Um, pay attention to that. Maybe it's a person, maybe it's a place. Maybe it's your social media feed. Honestly, like I need to always check in mind and like recalibrate it. So stop liking all the drama things, right?

And then. Enjoy more of the nature reels that have an affirmation on them. Something like that. So. It's important to do an audit, an honest audit of people and situations that create tension in the body. Can you spend less time there at that place or can you do something different in those moments? If it's a person, can you have a safe, honest conversation with them about it?

Assuming this is somebody who is not abusive. Um. If it's somebody who's abusive, then definitely get help. You can call the National Domestic Domestic Violence Hotline. Um, there's all kinds of resources that I will drop into the show notes with some links for you, but. If it's a person, let's say maybe if it's even a family member, I, I have a family member who does not talk to her mother and she gets flack for it, but her mother is very, very toxic and she knows that she has to take care of herself.

So I know that's super, super tricky, but just know that you are not alone on that. A lot of people have to deal with that and. Sometimes you need to take care of yourself and it's time to step away. And you can do that in a loving way. Or sometimes with somebody who's so difficult, um, sometimes it's better to make that an firm clear cut.

Um, so make sure that you're doing the audit and that you're fine tuning your environment to feel safe. So. Also, what are some comforting songs that you can listen to? What are some comforting movies? Right? So I. I know for myself, like I was having a difficult weekend and I was feeling grumpy. I even told my partner, he was like, yeah, I, I can see that and I know it's 'cause I was tired.

But, um, we had to go somewhere and I just put on some comforting music to me, like feel good music. And this week I plan on watching some comforting movies. So how can we support ourselves? So do the audit. And then when we're cutting things out or fine tuning things, what can we put back in? What is a comforting song?

What is a comforting movie? Who is a friend that feels really safe? Take the time to text them and maybe even get together with them. Right? Um, for me it was helpful to actually make a list of the people I wanna hang out more with the things I wanna do more of. So I hope that this helps you really think about the root and get to what is safe.

I'll also put in some professionals that I really love and appreciate for their. Expertise on nervous system work and helping your nervous system. Again, I am not a scientist. I'm not a therapist. I share from my lived experience, which was freaking gnarly complex, PTSD and now. I am after a very long journey of years and years and years, not struggling with that like I was, and I'm able to live a healthy, peaceful life.

Yes, I have some rough days, but my gosh, like oh my, so much better than, you know, a decade before. And I remember asking when I was going through that. I was asking my therapist how much longer until I feel better, and she was like, I can't tell you that, unfortunately, because everybody's different, you know?

And I remember speaking with somebody who was going through a really rough divorce not too long ago too, and she was kind of asking the same thing and, and I believe that it takes a while, but if you're gonna do this audit and you're gonna surround yourself. With the tools that you need, the people that you need, it's gonna take less time than if you're just trying to do it on your own and muscle through.

So I really hope that this has helped you really think about the root cause of anxiety and panic. And have some actionable advice. Remember, do that audit and then fill in the things you take away with things that are more supportive, that help you feel safer. Remember, compassionate inner dialogue being with co-regulate people, so people who help you feel like you wanna feel taking time away, just a full day.

Or even two minutes. And then just the basics, right? Better sleep, hydration, better nutrients in your food, slowing down, moving slower, savoring the present moment. So that might feel like a lot right now, but of those things, which ones sounds like the easiest to do. So I fully support you and I'm cheering you on, and I want you to know that you're not alone, and I know that you can get through this.

So thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening. I appreciate you.

 Thanks for tuning into the Aware and Prepared Podcast. Curious how tuned in your intuition really is. Take the free quiz at Aware and Prepared Life and get your score. See how sharp your inner guide is. You are worthy of a safe and peaceful life. Talk with you next week and please share this episode with someone who came to mind while you were listening.

Click on the top right menu in your podcast app. It might just be what they needed today.

 I.